Time Warp: Epilogue, To Carry On

[Levi Xu]

August 11, 2027, New York City

Levi didn't wear short sleeves anymore.

It was the middle of August, and as soon as he'd come home from work, he'd gone to lie down for a bit. It wasn't the first time he'd gone straight back to their bedroom, passing Evan on the way. When he'd gone inside and shut the door, he got as far as taking off his tie and unbuttoning the top button of his high collar before sprawling out across their bed.

The air conditioning was broken, and the super had said the replacement was coming the next day. Sleep didn't come.

After ten minutes of lying still, pretending to be asleep, the interpreter decided that he wasn't fooling himself and sat up. It had been hot in the office as well, and the one person who didn't know--she was an intern, she didn't know anything--about what had happened had asked why he kept his tie and buttons done up tight. Even their boss had rolled up his sleeves, and he was affectionately referred to as a tight-ass.

Alone in their bedroom, Levi unbuttoned his cuffs and shirt, then shrugged it off. On his right side, a discolored scar reached to his elbow, past the sleeve of his undershirt. More scars crept up the back of his neck, justifying the high collar the intern had jokingly commented on. After a moment, he pulled off the undershirt as well, gathering both of them to go toss in the hamper in the corner. One of them was going to have to do laundry soon.

Before he turned back to the bed, Levi looked at himself in the mirror on the closet door. Except for the scars, he looked pretty much the same as he had two, three years ago. His hair was a bit too shaggy for his job, but it covered the one scar that nearly reached his right ear. He had taken to wearing his glasses most of the time as well. After trying to put contacts in once while dehydrated, they had lost much of their appeal. But it was the scars he was looking at. The big pale patches of grafted tissue and scar marked his shoulders, wrapped around the right side of his torso and then across his back. With one finger from his left hand--the one change he welcomed was the silver and diamond ring--he traced out the shapes of the scars, following as they twisted around his body.

It was too hot to sleep.

[Evan Brackett]

Evan usually got home from work first, and it wasn't a surprise for him to find the apartment empty save for the cat when he did return. Since it was hot, and he didn't share his fiancé's aversion to short sleeves (his prosthetic was pretty obvious no matter what he wore over it, and he had gotten over that years prior), the architect changed out of his work clothes and into a wife beater and cargo shorts.

He was out in the kitchen, pouring cat food into Aurora's dish, when Levi walked in. He did pause to greet him, but stopped short when he bee-lined for the bedroom. Evan sighed as he finished pouring the food, swept a few stray bits off the counter and into the dish, and placed it on the floor for his pet. Giving her a good scratch behind the ears after she had scurried over, he walked back into the living room to settle in on the couch. This was getting to be a routine, and the architect figured that Levi was just tired and would want to be left alone to sleep. Van couldn't pretend that it didn't bother him, but he sure tried as he grabbed the remote and flicked the television on.

As he sat there--staring blankly at the evening news, hardly registering any of the stories on screen--he contemplated starting dinner. He was trying to ignore the persistent twinge in the back of his mind, telling him to check on his fiancé. Van usually felt this way on days such as this, and he was willing to bet it was nothing more than paranoia. The last thing he wanted was to be overbearing. After a few more minutes of failing to distract himself, he decided that it couldn't hurt to check up on Levi (under the guise of asking what he wanted for dinner if it came to that), and made his way to the bedroom to peek through the door.

Of course he noticed right away that the younger man wasn't lying in bed as he expected, and slowly pushed the door wide open so he could see the entire room. He spotted Levi idling in front of the closet, and stayed his distance at first, quietly watching the him from the doorway. When it became apparent that he hadn't disturbed him, Evan padded up from behind and wrapped his arms around him. He examined their reflections in silence as they stood there, his eyes tracing their silhouettes before coming to rest on Levi's face, taking note the ware of the other man as he lay his head on his unmarked shoulder.

The silence persisted until he asked, "What are you thinking about?"

[Levi Xu]

Levi heard the bedroom door open, and he was expecting Evan to ask something. Probably something like "Are you okay?" and then he'd reply, "Yeah." And Evan would go "Are you sure?" and the younger man almost opened his mouth to say "Yeah," but he realized that his fiancé hadn't actually said anything yet.

He wasn't expecting the taller man to come in, but as soon as Evan wrapped his arm against him, he leaned back, into the embrace. Levi rested his head back on Van's shoulder and sighed slightly. It was too hot; he was sweating and he could feel his skin starting to stick to the other man's. But strangely enough, he felt better like that than when he'd been lying on the bed, alone. They were quiet for a long while, and all Levi did was concentrate on Evan's breathing.

Evan spoke, and Levi didn't respond right away. He did raise his arms though, and held on to Evan's, holding him there. It was too hot for it, but he clung anyway.

Years ago, when Levi had been abandoned and distraught, he'd clung to Evan and his kindness, his willingness to put up with all the bullshit in Levi's head. More than a decade later, and he was still clinging, still trying to hold on to someone else's sanity when he doubted his own. He'd had a psychiatric evaluation before he started working at the UN again. They'd probably order another for him if they found out what he was thinking.

Or maybe Evan would. "It's nothing."

And it was true, Levi was a good liar. He'd learned how to lie so he could cope at the M.S.A.D. compound and at Hammel. It had served him well as an interpreter, as he'd been able to keep a straight face when people had cursed him out in three languages. But even he knew that he didn't sound convincing right now. And he didn't want to keep it in anymore. "I want to go back. To Israel."

[Evan Brackett]

Evan hadn't expected Levi to respond right away, and, despite the sticky heat of it, accepted his clinging. He pressed a kiss into his fiancé's temple as he waited for a response. Seeing distress on the other man's face troubled him, but if Levi didn't want to say anything, that was okay.

The lie, however, was less than okay. The architect's weight shifted between his feet, as it always had when he was starting to feel uncomfortable. Van saw through it alright, and he didn't understand why Levi would be lying to him, let alone doing a poor job of it. He preferred the silence. They had been together long enough for Evan to know the younger man was a good liar, and the fact that he had been able to detect the uncertainty was almost more concerning than being lied to in the first place. He probably would have confronted the interpreter about it had he not promised him that he trusted him. And Van did trust him, and he trusted that he would learn about whatever it was when Levi was ready to tell him.

It was for that very reason he did not panic when Levi did finally explain himself, although he became visibly tense, his jaw clenching and his muscles tightening. Again, he didn't speak right away, preferring to mull it over a bit. Evan didn't think Levi was crazy--he never thought that--but he didn't understand what his fiancé was saying. He wanted to understand. He couldn't see the sense, the reason in it, though. This wasn't just a typical case of getting back on the horse. The school in Tel Aviv was a target, and a dangerous place at the present time. Levi had been lucky to get out the first time. So many others weren't. The thought of letting him go back, and what could happen if he did, scared Van.

So he asked, "Why?" The architect was certain he had missed something, and he needed to know. Why would Levi ever want to go back? He didn't have to remind Levi of the dangers. The other man was obviously aware of them, or he wouldn't have tried to lie about it.

[Levi Xu]

The pause between admitting what he was thinking about and Evan's response was painful. He searched for the taller man's eyes in the mirror, afraid of what he would see. Concern--of course, Evan was always concerned about him. He was always giving him something to be concerned about--or worry, or fear that the interpreter had finally stumbled on a delusion that could actually hurt him.

He'd thought, when he'd finally returned to New York after spending half his covalesence in Portland with Nomi, that he'd stop feeling so guilty all the time about Evan. And he had, kind of. It was no longer a crushing guilt, but smaller, individual things. He felt guilty for worrying Van when he stayed at work late and forgot to call, for instance. But that was nothing like how he felt when Evan stiffened and said nothing. Ever since he'd gone back to work, all he'd done is make his fiancé worry.

He was about to apologize, offer to cook dinner, anything to make the silence less awful and convince Evan that he wasn't suicidal. Yeah, Levi knew the risks involved. The scars all over his body made sure of that.

But the question--the word, really. It was only one word--kept him quiet for a few more minutes. Levi had been so worried about saying what he wanted to do, he hadn't prepared anything about why he wanted to do it. He didn't know how to articulate the feeling, anymore than he'd been able to articulate how he knew his partner was Spider-Man.

(Yes, even after all this time, there was a part of him that still believed it. After all, when Levi had needed him the most, he'd been there.)

"Because, Van." Levi lifted his head up so it wasn't resting on the architect's shoulder anymore. A strap from the harness of the prosthetic arm dug into his back, but the small discomfort was worth the security of having the taller man's arms wrapped around him. "It's the first meta school opened with public knowledge. They're not going to be locked away and hidden, like we were." But there was more than that. Fifteen people had died from that blast. Of the eighteen who survived, half were still working in Tel Aviv, and Levi was hiding, half-way around the world.

"And..." There was more, but Levi trailed off. He'd never told Evan explicitly about the true nature of M.S.A.D. or what its goals had been, what his goals had been. Time and learning had tempered his feelings towards humans, and now all he felt was simmering anger at the group who had kidnapped him, brainwashed him. "And I have to make it better."

He had to prove he wasn't a terrorist. He had to prove that Mr. Underwood had been wrong.

[Evan Brackett]

Even if Levi decided to apologize for his inexplicable desire to return to Israel before Van managed to get his question out, he would have continued to press the matter. It was bothering him too much to disregard it.

The phaser's eyes flickered to the scars on the other man's reflection, then went back to staring at his face. Of course Levi didn't respond right away--Van hadn't expected him to, but it only increased his uneasiness. With the way the interpreter had been acting about it, he wasn't even sure Levi knew the answer to the question. The eerie silence between each of their answers was starting to get to him, as it did nothing to quell his fear and it only gave his imagination more time to work up the possible horrific results of Levi leaving him again.

Evan's embrace tightened reflexively when Levi stopped leaning his head against him, as if he was afraid that if he didn't hold on with everything he had, his fiancé would vanish right then and there. The architect's reply was much quicker this time as he forwent thinking things through before speaking. "But what about you? What if you...You're not safe there." Sure, he thought the people that stayed were brave, but that didn't make those that didn't cowards. It was sensible to not want to return.

"And what about me?" He knew how selfish that sounded, especially compared to what Levi had said about making things better (for which, he had assumed, referred to making life better for children with abilities around the world), but he didn't care. He could be selfish when it came to this. "I don't know what I'd do if you didn't make it." Van had been crushed just hearing the news of a bombing the first time.

"I know you want to help, but you've already done your part. There are other interpreters in the world." But there was only one Levi, and Van wasn't prepared to lose him again. "I don't want you to go." That went without saying, but with all there past problems, he wasn't going to leave it out.

[Levi Xu]

The interpreter's arms clung tighter too when the taller man changed tracks. Evan didn't have to finish the sentence for Levi to know what he was asking. What if you died? And maybe this meant he was suicidal, but he didn't care so much about the risks. It was worth it if he meant he could fix what was making him feel so guilty.

He bit the inside of his lip and winced at Evan's response. The last time he'd gone to Tel Aviv, it was because he'd been trying to get away from the architect. But that wasn't what this was about, and he didn't want Evan to think it was.

"I don't want to leave you." For the first time, his response came quickly as well. He wasn't sure about so much right now, but he knew that. A year ago, lying in his hospital bed, Levi had been afraid of what would happen if they got back together and then broke up again. But they were doing it better this time; they were doing it right. "I don't want to go if it means leaving you."

He'd been thinking about little else since he'd started working at the U.N. again, but that didn't mean he'd actually thought this through. A month and a half of worrying and obsessing, and he hadn't thought about what it really meant. "I...I'd want you to come with me." He really hadn't thought this through. Evan was the one with the good job and a big family he was close to and only knew English fluently. It wasn't fair to ask him to leave those things and move to the place that had nearly killed his fiancé.

But the problem was, he hadn't done his part, he hadn't done enough to fix what he'd done and believed when he was part of M.S.A.D. He was as bad as the people who had bombed the school, even if he hadn't believed the propaganda for years. "Van..." He clung tighter to the arms around him and leaned his head against Evan's shoulder again, seeking as much contact as possible. He opened his mouth to say something, to confess... but nothing came out. He was too afraid Evan would let him go. Finally, he said, "I'm sorry. I don't know what I want, but I have to make it better. I need to stop feeling like this."

[Evan Brackett]

"Good," he muttered, although not so quietly that Levi wouldn't be able to hear the word. It wasn't said with spite, but rather with relief. Van knew he had pushed the younger man into leaving before, and he didn't want to do that again.

Without thought, he shook his head. "I can't. I can't speak the language, I wouldn't have a job, and I don't know anybody there." They were, at least, on the same page on that. But it wasn't just a job and family he'd be leaving behind, it was everything he ever knew. Yes, he had gone there before, but spent most of his time either in the hospital or at Levi's apartment. With the exception of his search to find the interpreter, he hadn't interacted with many other people and kept mostly to himself. The few weeks he had spent in Israel before had been a struggle, and he certainly hadn't enjoyed his visit.

He was just as scared of going with him as he had been of Levi leaving him behind.

Evan sighed. He didn't want to move to Tel Aviv, he didn't want to let Levi, but he also didn't want to keep his fiancé from doing what he thought he needed to do. "You don't have to apologize." It wasn't his fault that he was feeling the way he did. "I want to help you, but I don't understand how going back could." There was a lot Van still didn't understand. He didn't understand the guilt, or why Levi didn't think that he had done enough. He had nearly died for that school. That should have been enough.

The phaser looked down at the arms clinging to his own, and focused on the ring upon the left hand. He stared at it for a moment before saying, "Besides, we still have business to attend to here." Even if he could fathom living in Israel, he wouldn't want to leave right away. There were things he needed to take care of first.

[Levi Xu]

Of course, Evan hit on every point Levi knew. It wasn't fair to ask this of him. Particularly not when he was trying so hard to understand Levi's motives.

"It's because.." Again, his voice died instead of telling Evan the one secret he'd always kept from him. He just clung a little tighter and tucked his head into the spot where the older man's shoulder met his neck.

Evan wasn't cryptic, and one glance in the mirror showed him staring at the silver and diamond ring on his hand. "I know, Evan, but..." He'd long since given up his father as a lost cause, and his grandmother was dead. Nomi was the only biological family he had left. "I don't want to get married until I can get Nomi to come. She still doesn't like you." His sister had been pissed when Levi had said he was moving back to New York to be with Evan. Actually, he'd said he was moving back to New York to take his job at the U.N. back. Living with Evan hadn't been mentioned, but Nomi had picked up on it anyway. After all, he was finally wearing the engagement ring he's just carried around for a third of his life.

But he also didn't want to marry Evan if it meant he had to keep lying. And there was the one thing that he was still lying about. He had to tell him. "And...I can't marry you unless you know. I was part of...a cult, I guess. Before Hammel. They thought--we thought--that metas were better than regular humans. That we were superior." His voice broke and he closed his eyes again. Levi didn't want to see Evan's eyes when he finally heard. "I'm as bad as the people who blew up the school."

They had been standing like that for about ten minutes, and though he felt hotter and sweatier than he had before, it was the wait for Evan to respond that was unbearable.

[Evan Brackett]

Van didn't look up when Levi replied, but he did nuzzle him before speaking. "Right." He knew his fiancé's condition for the wedding, and he was going to respect it. The problem was that he didn't know how to gain Nomi's blessing. It wasn't like she lived nearby, and even if she did, he was afraid to talk to her on the phone, let alone in person.

The secret, however, came as a shock, and his grip around Levi's midsection slackened instantly. Van's brows scrunched in concentration as he tried to think years back to when they met, and again when they were at Hammel. He remembered Levi telling him that he had been home schooled, about the 'other school' that was mentioned once or twice. Friends that were spoken of only briefly before Levi stopped talking about them altogether. Could he have been in a cult? It had never made much sense to Van, even then, and since the other man had always avoided talking about it, he never asked for more information.

He could recall other times when Levi, as a teen, said something about humans that was particularly off-putting, but he had always justified it to himself as something to do with his father. He never realized that the interpreter had actually been prejudice. "No, no. You were just a kid, you didn't know any better," he whispered weakly, but he was trying to convince himself of Levi's innocence just as much as he was trying to sooth the other man.

The phaser tried to look Levi in the eyes when he spoke to him, but it was useless when they were closed. "Why didn't you tell me about this before?" Van knew that it was stupid to ask, that the younger man had been afraid to tell him the truth, but he couldn't help being a little hurt that it had never come up in nearly seventeen years of knowing one another, particularly since they were in relationships for nearly half that time.

Admittedly, it did shine a little light on why the interpreter was so determined to return to Tel Aviv, and Evan suddenly understood his guilt. He realized belatedly that Levi hadn't been referring to making things better for the school, but to making things better for himself. "None of that was your fault, though," he added, his voice genuinely soothing this time. For the moment, consoling Levi was more important than being upset over the secret.

[Levi Xu]

Levi bit his lip and almost whimpered when Evan let his arms loosen. This, this was what he had been afraid of, ever since he had realized how wrong Gabriel Underwood was. Before that, he'd been more concerned about someone finding out about Jake and hurting him. He'd done such a good job of hiding it, what he used to believe, that he had passed two government interviews with telepaths trained in detecting lies. The one thing that Levi had held on to from his time with M.S.A.D. was his mental shields. At least that training had been useful.

Evan's weak reassureance didn't do much for Levi, who pulled away from him slightly, separating their sticky skins. "I didn't, but that doesn't make it right. I helped them. I wanted to help them." Okay, so he had probably been more in the way of the adult members of the terrorist group than anything else, but he'd wanted to do what Mr. Underwood said. That was going to be his chance to help further the Meta cause, and he had wanted to, so badly.

"I didn't tell you..." his eyes were still shut tightly, and he swallowed, trying to keep his voice even. "I didn't tell you at first because I wasn't supposed to, and then....I just didn't want you to hate me. I thought I could make up for it." That was a recurring theme with Levi's worries. If he was good enough, he could make up for all the mistakes he made.

Finally, Levi opened his eyes and actually pulled away from his fiancé, so he could turn and actually look at him for the first time in the conversation. "That's why I have to go back, Van. If Hammel had found me first, I wouldn't have...." He stopped talking to compose himself and sigh. "I just don't want anyone else growing up with that guilt."

[Evan Brackett]

He dropped his arms as their skin separated, registering the uncomfortable stickiness for the first time since he entered the room. "No, that doesn't make it right," he agreed solemnly. That didn't change the fact the Levi hadn't known any better, though. Evan found that, past this being the first he heard of it, he wasn't really bothered by the news, and he could brush off not knowing about it relatively easily. In the grand scheme of things, that wasn't anything to get hung up on.

Even so, the architect looked away as he went on. "But I don't hate you," he clarified, "I could never hate you, and I especially wouldn't hold something you did before we met against you. I'm not...angry." Van gently squeezed the younger man's shoulder, only pulling his hand away when Levi turned around.

The phaser looked down at him, and brushed stray shaggy hair off of the interpreter's sweaty face, leaving his hand to linger on his cheek. "Oh, Levi." Evan's own head was spinning, the heat and the secret mixing into a dangerous recipe for a headache. "You want to move back to Israel, and you want me to come with you," he said aloud in an attempt to organize his thoughts. "Because you joined a human-hating cult when you were a kid, and you think you'll feel less guilty about it if you help establish a new school for meta children." He closed his eyes, so he could focus on thinking without Levi seeing the concern reflecting in them.

After a moment of contemplation, he opened them again and pulled his fiancé into a tight hug. "How am I going to find a job in a foreign country when I can't even speak the language?" he asked, trying to sound lighthearted about it. "I'd feel bad relying on you the entire time we're there, and who knows how long that'll be."

[Levi Xu]

The interpreter knew his fiancé didn't hate him now, and hadn't hated him for a long time. But he knew how angry Van had been at him after their first breakup. Evan could hate him, and had for a while, because of another time Levi just acted without thinking. "But Evan, your family is human." And so was his. He'd kept it quiet as a teenager out of necessity, but he'd honestly believed that Van's family was the exception to the rule, where he and his brother were accepted by their family. Gabriel Underwood had taught him that most families didn't want contact with their meta children...and Levi's father had disappointed him on that regard, cementing the feeling after it had been wavering for a while.

"Yeah...pretty much." He'd never organized his own thoughts that exactly before, but when they were compacted into two sentences like that, he felt selfish. He shouldn't be asking Evan to give up so much, just so he could feel a little better about himself. With a small sigh, he leaned his cheek against the older man's hand, soaking up the gentleness there. The whole conversation scared him, finally admitting what he'd believed as a teenager. But he felt strangely lighter now that Evan knew.

And, well, the hug just took him by surprise. But Levi reacted by wrapping his arms around the taller man as well and clinging, grabbing onto Evan's wifebeater. From the question, he realized he'd actually gotten the phaser to consider it. He hadn't thought that would happen. Ever. "I can teach you, and the government hires all kinds of people, so there will be other Americans there. But I can teach you Hebrew."

He would go. Evan was willing to consider going, and that was enough for Levi to cling a little harder. "I'll teach you for as long as you need me to feel comfortable. Just knowing you'd come with me..." his voice trailed off again, as he searched for the right sentiment. Finally, despite it not fitting with the beginning of the sentence, Levi looked up at his fiancé and said, "I love you. And thank you."

For not hating him. For listening. For giving him another chance. For being there. It was all implied.

[Evan Brackett]

Yeah, he was starting to concede that this was an appropriate solution to Levi's guilt problems. As dangerous as he thought it was, as scared as he was, he had promised that he trusted the other man. That included trusting him in this. He was still reluctant, of course--there were a lot of things at stake, including their safety--but he wanted Levi to be happy. The phaser didn't want him to have to bare this guilt any longer. He could make a few sacrifices for the man he loved.

But that didn't they could just pack up and leave either. "Okay. I think I can handle that," Van agreed with a short nod. Get a job through the embassy, take personal Hebrew lessons. That removed one obstacle anyway. Dealing with his family and friends was going to be a more delicate operation, and he was going to have to muster up a bit more finesse than he ever had in the past. They weren't going to be supportive.

Evan nuzzled his fiancé, rubbing his hand in calming circles around his back. "I love you too, and I'll stay with you always." Even if that meant leaving his job, learning a new language, and pissing off just about everyone he knew. He would do it to make Levi happy.

"You're not crazy," he added after a moment's pause. "Remember that." Van was confident in telling the younger man this, even if he was biased and lacked the proper credentials to diagnose anybody. He knew that it was another thing Levi needed to hear, and he believed it to be true. That was enough.