Sketching Blue (Cobalt)

[Danny Silverman]

Danny had an evil plan.

All right, so it wasn’t really evil and it wasn’t much of a plan. Danny tended to be bad at both things. Being evil was overrated, and planning took too much work. Or was it the other way around? But anyways.

All Danny wanted to do was to cheer up Cobalt. He had the strange feeling that Cobalt was upset, which didn’t make sense to him. Cobalt was dating Ben, right? And Ben seemed to really like Cobalt. So what was the problem? But he wasn’t going to stick his nose into it. It was Cobalt’s business, and if he wanted to talk about it, then they would. If not, Danny was happy to provide a distraction.

And currently, Danny’s planned distraction was a sketch. He had a couple of Cobalt. When he’d first gone to art school, he’d made a lot of the other man—only with them of the boy that Cobalt had once been. They’d gotten progressively better as he’d gone through—some more artistic with bold strokes and contrasting colors, and others more restrained charcoal drawings. He had one of them with him—of Cobalt on their bed at the orphanage, reading. Now he intended to draw one of Cobalt today and present it to him as a present. Sort of a before-and-after kind of thing. He didn’t know if his friend would like it, but he thought it was worth a shot. And worse case he kept it in his own supplies and never let Cobalt know.

But how to stop Cobalt from noticing what he was sketching? Lunch would be a good start. Danny picked a pretty nice restaurant and had proclaimed to Cobalt that he was buying over the phone. The best part of the place was that it had good lighting and a nice setting—one of those patio places. Unfortunately, Danny thought they only sold salads and sandwiches. He hoped Cobalt didn’t mind.

When Cobalt arrived, Danny was waiting, sketchpad on the seat next to him and quite innocently out of sight. He rose to his feet to greet his friend with his normal impromptu hug.

“Hey!” he said happily. “It’s good to see you! It’s been a while. How’s Leila and everything?” He motioned to the seat. Conversation first, and then his plan would be underway. Yes.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt was unaware of any "evil plan" that Danny had. In fact, if anyone were to tell him that his oldest friend had an evil plan, he would have laughed at them. Danny just simply wasn't capable of evil, even in jest. He was, however, in dire need of some distraction. This whole thing with Ben was frustrating, and he had taken to just spending time with Danny or Josh and Riley instead. They weren't as frustrating and Danny was safe. Danny had always been safe. So he invited Danny to dinner and to visit with him more often. They had years of time to make up for, after all.

So he didn't question it at all when Danny asked him to eat lunch with him. It was still the long weekend, and the rest of his friends all had their own business to take care of, so it would just be him and Danny. Just like old times.

Cobalt grinned slightly as Danny rose to greet him at the restaurant, and he gratefully accepted the hug, embracing him tightly for a moment.

"Hey, how's it going?" Cobalt greeted, "It's good to see you too," Really good, "Leila's doing much better. Much better." They both sat down, and Cobalt spied what looked like Danny's sketchpad on a chair, but he didn't comment. The other man was always sketching or making something.

"So what have you been up to? I'm sorry it's been a while, things have been a little...weird." Cobalt looked a little petulant at the table, thinking of Ben and how everything was falling apart. But that didn't matter right now, because he was with Danny, and Danny had always been able to make him feel better.

[Danny Silverman]

Danny, in turn, didn’t protest or complain about Cobalt wanting to spend more time with him. Why would he? It was his best friend, after all. Even if they’d been apart for a while, Danny still fervently believed this to be true. He didn’t know what he could do without Cobalt. He was happy that he’d found him again. He didn’t know if that was a good sign for Ben and Cobalt, but…he’d take what he could get, he supposed.

He returned the hug with every sign of happiness and pulled back to beam at Cobalt. “It’s going really well. I’m glad to hear about Leila!” he settled in the chair and leaned forward, his other hand moving to sneak the sketchpad into his lap. He didn’t think Cobalt would think much about it. He did tend to fiddle a lot, and he did always bring a sketchpad. He just had to keep being subtle.

“Oh, no worries!” he said it hastily to Cobalt’s apology, noting how he looked so pensively at the table. That didn’t look good. Trouble in paradise? He hoped not. He liked Ben and he liked Cobalt. He really wanted them to…oh, he didn’t know. Just be happy. “I’ve been fine, but busy. You know—trying to make ends meet and such.” He dismissed that with no problem. He was always trying to make ends meet. And it wasn’t like he’d stop doing his work when he “retired,” so he didn’t think much about saving a lot of money up for anything. He had enough, and that was okay. “What about you? How’s, um.” Was this a bad time? “How’s Ben?” He was sketching a little as he spoke, slowly—just the face shape now, to start. He wanted to get Cobalt happier before he finished. 

[Cobalt Weaver]

It was actually really hard to stay upset with Danny in your company. The other man’s happiness and genuine, warm enthusiasm was infectious and Cobalt found himself feeling better than he had in the two weeks since he’d helped Ben clean out his basement. He’d been happy then too, but at least with Danny he knew that it wasn’t going to be pulled out from under him. At least, he hoped that Danny understood that if Danny ever stopped talking to him, it would break him in half again. And he was still mending himself from the first time. Danny was one of the most important people in his life. That was all there was to it.

“Yeah? You doing all right?” Cobalt asked in reference to making ends meet. He certainly couldn’t relate: although the firm never made that much money, Cobalt had always been good at managing his money and making sure he always had enough. It helped that he lived like a hermit. “How’s work? Are you still doing stuff for Riley?” The two of them seemed to be fast friends. Which made sense, seeing as they were similar types of people.

Cobalt paused at Danny’s innocent question. He knew he was hard to decipher most of the time, but Danny had known him longest and, despite the thirty years’ difference, the other man could still read his face better than anyone. Except for perhaps Elaine, but she always had an advantage. “It’s…he’s… I think I did something wrong,” Cobalt confessed finally, “And he’s been…absent. Of late.”

Cobalt shrugged, “It happens. People leave, et cetera et cetera.” The shadow manipulator waved his hand in an attempt to be nonchalant, “It doesn’t matter.”

[Danny Silverman]

It was hard to say if Danny really understood that Cobalt relied on him. He knew that he liked spending time with Cobalt. He knew that Cobalt was his oldest friend and that he relied on him for just about everything. He knew that he couldn’t bear to leave him again, and he knew that he never planned to. He knew he loved Cobalt in a way. But past that, he didn’t think about it. They were together. Anything more just didn’t really matter, because it didn’t apply, and that was just how it went.

“Yeah!” Danny smiled at Cobalt. “Thanks for asking. But things are fine. Models make a lot of money and supplies aren’t that much. You’d never believe that buying it wholesale is so much cheaper than the stores! It almost makes me not mind that I don’t get to go to the stores anymore.” Mostly. For his birthday, he was so going to drive however far it took to get to one. He just needed to. “But yeah, I’m still working for Riley.” He was blushing a little, and pushed up his glasses, having to still his sketching hand to do so. “Um, he’s good too.”

However, his pencil stilled completely at Cobalt’s statement, and he stared at him, thick brows furrowed over the black rims of his glasses.

“Really?” he looked confused. “Cobalt, I can’t picture…I don’t see…” He frowned at him, not sure how he wanted to play this. He didn’t want to push Cobalt, but he thought that the man needed some reassurance. “I’m sure he’s just busy!” he chirped instead, trying to brighten the mood. “Don’t…don’t give up too fast, okay? I think he likes you a lot. Um, can you turn your head?” The lighting had caught his hair just so… 

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt nodded, smiling slightly, “Good. I’m glad. Make anything interesting lately?” He had always been interested in what Danny made, even when they were children, “Any model planes?” He grinned, knowing Danny would understand. After Danny had taught Cobalt how to make planes when they were ten, they sometimes would help each other build models. It wasn’t very often; Cobalt still felt awkward handling the models and was always worried about breaking them. But they would make them sometimes, and it was one of Cobalt’s favorite times.

Cobalt tilted his head at Danny’s blush. A teasing grin on his face, “What’s that look for? You’ve got…you’re all blushing.” He waved his hand in front of his own face to indicate where Danny’s blush was.

But the mood changed, and Cobalt grew serious. “It’s okay, Dan. You don’t need to worry about it. I… it’ll all work out.” One way or another.

But Danny’s question threw him off. “…What? Danny, what are you doing?” He leaned forward over the table in an attempt to see what Danny was doing under the table.

[Danny Silverman]

As always when discussing models, Danny perked up almost immediately. “Oh, I made this beautiful model of King Tut’s tomb for a museum. It was great! I found this gold leaf and stuff and I got to paint all these tiny hieroglyphs…” He could rant for hours and hours about that, he knew, and had to stop himself before he got too crazy. He knew Cobalt would understand, but still! He grinned back at Cobalt as he mentioned the plane and nodded.

“One or two,” he said happily. “You should come over and help sometime. I’d like that.”

However, when Cobalt brought up his blush, the model maker turned a furious red and ducked his head. “Nothing!” he said. “Nothing at all! It’s just…he’s a good guy, that’s all!”

At least he was distracted by Cobalt’s seriousness. He was just about to open his mouth to say “sorry” or to say something wise (he hoped) when Cobalt caught onto his question.

“Hey, no! Don’t move f—” that wasn’t helping. He hastily flipped his notebook over and contrived to look innocent.

“Nothing,” he said. “I just liked how you looked in that light, that’s all.” He blinked and pushed up his glasses. “Have you figured out what you wanted yet?”

[Cobalt Weaver]

“That’s great!” Cobalt nodded enthusiastically, although not as enthusiastic as Danny. He didn’t think anyone could be as enthusiastic as Danny. “I bet it looked excellent.” He had little doubt in that front. Danny was very talented.

Cobalt smiled widely, “I’d like that too. Just like old times.” He felt a little pang of nostalgia in his chest, but it didn’t hurt as badly as it used to. He grinned, “I’m still worried about breaking your models, by the way.”

Cobalt laughed, “Doesn’t look like nothing, I am just saying.” Truth be told, if Danny was as interested in Riley as he looked like he was, Cobalt would just be a little amused. Riley was a good guy, and they probably got along great. It would be funny.

When Danny hastened to hide the notebook, Cobalt raised an eyebrow, “No, you’re doing something. I wanna know what you’re doing! Lemme see.” He reached over, knowing he couldn’t actually grab the notebook, but at least played like he could, teasing his friend.

He shrugged at the mention of food, giving Danny his best analyzing stare. “I don’t know. I’ll probably get half a sandwich. Why can’t I see?” He gave Danny his best hurt look, “Am I not allowed to see your stuff?”

[Danny Silverman]

“I don’t know.” Danny looked a little doubtful at that, but he perked up a little. “But the museum seemed to like it! They said it looked really good. Now all I’ve got is a set model for a friend back in LA. Then I’ll have to find something else for a while. Or not, if you help me build something.” He smiled back at Cobalt. “You can’t break anything this time. They have ones made out of plastic now! Practically indestructible.”

Danny was sure he was as red as a tomato when it came to Cobalt’s teasing, and he sank down a little in his seat. “Well it is nothing,” he said, a little defensive. But then he eased back and smiled a little. “But…for now.” Maybe it would be something later. Maybe.

He promptly leaned away, laughing, as Cobalt tried to reach for the notebook. “No! You can’t see it until I’m done!” He felt like they were kids again, and it cheered him up. “It’s supposed to be a secret! Sit back down!” He pointed to the chair and laughed again, settling back as Cobalt said that he would get a sandwich.

“You should eat more,” he began. “Maybe a full—hey!” He blushed again at the hurt look and looked down at the drawing. It wasn’t even done yet. All he had was the shape of the eyes and the face, and part of the nose and mouth, but it looked like a weird mannequin or something. “Fine,” he sighed, and reluctantly passed it over, then sank down in his seat, watching Cobalt with worried eyes concealed behind his glasses.

[Cobalt Weaver]

“That’s excellent.” Cobalt grinned widely, “Good for you.” He laughed then, at Danny’s reassurance about the new plastic models. “Well, that’s reassuring,” He nodded, “It is fairly hard to break plastic.”

Cobalt laughed lightly, “Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m only teasing.” He added affectionately. He’d always enjoyed teasing Danny, and the other man was always good-natured enough to take it with a smile. But, as was Danny’s personality, he wasn’t always able to tease back very well. And because he was no longer nine years old, he couldn’t just poke Danny until he felt better. “Riley’s a great guy,” Cobalt nodded, by way of peacemaking.

He laughed, “Why not? Why’s it such a secret?” He made a show of flopping back in his seat, “And people say you’re the nice one.” He pouted slightly. He hadn’t teased like this since he was very young. He hadn’t teased Danny like this since he was eleven. That was weird to think about.

Cobalt wasn’t able to keep a hurt face on for very long, and truth be told, he felt a little badly that he was guilt-tripping his friend. He was ready to say “never mind”, but Danny ended up handing the sketchbook over nervously. Cobalt looked over at him before he took it, making sure there wasn’t any real harm done. Finally, he glanced down to see the beginnings of a sketch of…someone. It was still just the outlines, but there was something familiar of the nose and shape of the face and the eyes. It looked like…him. Cobalt smiled slightly, looking at the picture for a while. “It looks really good,” He said quietly, “Thanks for showing me.” He ran his thumb briefly along the edge of the paper, his expression contemplative and touched.

He stared down at the sketch quietly. Danny hadn’t known how to draw when he was ten or eleven. He had been too young, and was only just starting to explore how artistic he could be, and Cobalt was suddenly and painfully aware of how much he’d missed. Danny and he had both grown so much, and changed, and Cobalt was just so grateful that Danny hadn’t changed into someone Cobalt couldn’t recognize. They fit back together so easily, even thirty five years later. But things were different. They were older, taller (yes, taller), and they’d both been through a lot. Cobalt had felt chewed up and spit back out sometimes, and he felt so lucky that Danny could still recognize him underneath it all. But he probably shouldn’t be surprised. Danny always recognized him.

“…I missed you.” Cobalt said quietly, still looking at the sketch, “You’ve no idea…I don’t think I’ve quite accepted you’re back.” He huffed out a quiet laugh, “And I’m sure once I realize that you’re back for good, it will just be an embarrassing onslaught of feelings. And it will be terrible. But I really did. Miss you.” He had missed Danny so much. There were days, when he was younger, when he thought he might be ripped in half by the feeling. And he still hurt sometimes, like he forgot that Danny was here now. And maybe things could go back to the way they were.

[Danny Silverman]

“Thanks.” Danny smiled back at Cobalt. “But don’t you remember? You never broke any of the models any of the times you helped me. So why do you always worry about that anyways?” He wasn’t great at teasing back, but he really did try. He liked Cobalt and liked teasing him too, even though the other man was better at it. “I don’t think you could really break those models.”

He waved off the blush he’d had with a sheepish grin and nodded in agreement to Cobalt’s statement. “He is a great guy,” he agreed, quietly, because he was still embarrassed. But he smiled. “I like him a lot.”

Danny got a little nervous when Cobalt stared at the sketch without saying anything. He hadn’t thought it was that good. It wasn’t even close to being done. He was afraid that maybe the other man didn’t get it or thought that he was being silly, but when Cobalt spoke, it wasn’t what he’d expected at all.

“I’m not done yet,” he murmured, a little shyly. “Uh, there’s a picture…on the next page, of you when you were a kid. I drew it while I was in college. The best I ever did, I think.” He shrugged and, while Cobalt spoke, rose to his feet and came to sit next to the other man. He wrapped his arms around Cobalt’s shoulder and hugged him close to him.

“I missed you too,” he offered quietly. “When I found out that I’d lost your address, and you never wrote again, I felt…” He fell silent, but he looked up to smile at Cobalt, sadly. “I’m sorry about that. I’m sorry I lost it. I’m not sorry that I found you again, but I am sorry that it took so long. Really. I missed you too. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had.” He shrugged and released him to squeeze his hand instead. “And ever will have. And if you ever want to have that onslaught of feelings, well…” He smiled. “Maybe we can cry together? I never minded that. Now.” He nodded to the book. “Can I finish that sketch? Please? As a present for you?”

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt laughed, “I worry! It happens. But yeah, I remember building models with you.” He had been happiest then, as far as he could figure, “It’s true. It’s probably hard to break them now.”

Cobalt grinned widely, but said nothing more about Riley. He did, however, make a mental note to tease Riley later. He didn’t really know how he felt about this yet, because he still almost saw Danny as a ten year old. And the transition was a little confusing. But Riley really was a good person, and all things considered, they would both be safe that way. Even though it made him a little sad, and he didn’t know why.

Cobalt looked up at him with a crooked smile, and flipped the sketchbook to the other page and was shocked to see a perfect image of his ten year old self sitting on a bed, hunched over and reading something that was probably several years too old for him. It was nowhere near specific enough to distinguish that moment from the other million and a half moments just like it, but it was perfect. And Cobalt had to swallow hard at the welling up of painful nostalgia that clenched at his chest. “It’s amazing,” Cobalt murmured, “How did you…? I don’t have any pictures from back then. Did you get some?” It would make sense that Danny would, seeing as he left earlier and less in a rush.

When Danny got up and wrapped his arms around him, Cobalt turned and hugged him tightly, gripping the back of Danny’s shirt. His chest hurt, but it was a good hurt. It was like the open, gaping wound on his chest was mending itself, bit by bit. “It doesn’t matter,” Cobalt finally managed to say, “It doesn’t matter. You’re…you’re back.” And that really was all that mattered. Thirty five years of feeling lost and hurt and cut adrift meant nothing in the face of the fact that he was going to have Danny around for the rest of his life if he had anything to say about it.

At Danny’s words, Cobalt laughed, leaning over to rest his forehead briefly on Danny’s shoulder before pulling back, “No way. I am not going to cry all over you.” He said this even though he was already blinking back tears crowding the corners of his vision, “It would be terrible and awkward and we’d both feel really silly.”

Cobalt smiled at Danny’s question, “You can have your sketchbook back. You don’t need to give me anything, though. I really…the scale is tipped far enough anyways.” Having Danny back was more than he could ever have hoped. It really was enough.

[Danny Silverman]

“But you still never did it!” Danny half-sang the words, still grinning at his friend and shaking his head. “So I still don’t get why you worry! But all right. We’ll stick with the plastic ones if you’d like.” That grin of Cobalt’s did worry him though, and he eyed him, wondering if he ought to warn him away or, better still, warn Riley. But he decided not to. Cobalt was a good guy. He knew boundaries! Better than Danny did, at least.

Danny was once again worried by Cobalt’s lack of reaction, staring down at the picture of him when he was ten. Truthfully, Danny didn’t know if he had gotten it right. At least, not at first. He’d guessed from what he’d could remember and had paired it with wishful thinking, as if drawing a sketch of him and hoping and praying would bring his best friend back to him. And it had. It just hadn’t taken as short of a time as he’d hoped. But that was okay. Danny was willing to take what he’d gotten, and that included staying with Cobalt even though it had been a long time.

It was his turn to swallow the lump in his throat when Cobalt spoke, and he shook his head, pushing up his glasses. “N-no. I just…I dunno. I kind of thought of you. I didn’t know if I’d gotten it right. So I just pictured you and kind of…hoped you’d write again.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked down. “I ope you like it.”

Danny was surprised that Cobalt hugged him back, but clearly not displeased if the way he leaned in to pull Cobalt closer was any indication. “’Course I’m back,” he muttered. “I think I promised that sometime, didn’t I? That we’d always be friends and we’d never get separated. Well, we did, but…” He was sniffling a little, and trying to hide it. “We made it back, and that’s the important part, and man does that sound corny.” He giggled now and released Cobalt, but only briefly, because he could see the tears in Cobalt’s eyes, and they only encouraged his own.

“Yes, you are,” he told him fiercely. “I’d rather cry on you than anybody else.” And he pulled Cobalt into a tight hug that lasted until he was satisfied—AKA, a really long time. Only then did he pull back, still sniffling, to fetch a napkin for him and Cobalt.

“But I want to!” he said, once he’d regained his composure. He took the sketchbook and looked at Cobalt seriously. “Please? I’d like to finish it. I never thought I’d get a chance to do another one.”

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt understood boundaries just fine. But he also didn’t know how else to show affection beyond teasing. Additionally, Cobalt had to figure out what was going on so that he didn’t say anything stupid in the future. He meant no harm, and if either Danny or Riley felt too uncomfortable, he would back off, but just because nobody teased him about Ben (which wasn’t true; Leila harassed him about Ben all the time) didn’t mean that he couldn’t tease Danny and Riley.

“I do like it.” Cobalt nodded, his voice still quiet, “I really like it. It’s...really good.” He was running out of words to say that could adequately cover everything he felt. Or maybe he didn’t ever have the words in the first place. “You got everything perfect,” He nodded slightly, “You’ve a good memory.”

“…Yeah.” Cobalt laughed a little in Danny’s shoulder, “I r-remember that. We also made plans to live on the moon, if you recall.” He gave Danny a shaky grin, pushing up his glasses to rub his eye with the heel of his hand, “Ah, jeeze. Look at me.” He ran a hand through his hair and breathed deeply, trying to get ahold of himself. “You are corny. But it’s okay.” He smiled.

And then he was being hugged again. Which was okay, because it was Danny, and he spent the last thirty-five years regretting every time he didn’t hug Danny every time he could tell Danny wanted to. So he hugged Danny back, resting his cheek on Danny’s shoulder and trying really, really hard not to cry. There was no reason to cry. He wasn’t even upset. He was happy. “Well, that’s good,” Cobalt mumbled, his voice rough, “I guess if I have to cry on someone, it may as well be you.”

When Danny pulled away, Cobalt straightened up again, pressing the heel of his hand back to his eyes, rubbing away any tears. He looked at Danny as the other man turned serious. “Okay. If you want. Thank you, Danny.” For coming back, for being mostly the same. For helping him heal, even if he wasn’t aware.

[Danny Silverman]

“Oh. I was afraid I’d missed stuff.” Danny didn’t think it was the memory. It was the wishing that had allowed Cobalt to be drawn like that—the frantic desperation just to meet him again, say that he was sorry, and never let the other boy out of his sight ever again. That was his goal. Would it have worked? Well…perhaps in the long run. That was all he could say. But that was okay. “Thank you.” He smiled at Cobalt, understanding that the man meant more than, perhaps, he was saying, and not caring.

“I still think that’s possible,” Danny told him, mock seriously, as he mimicked Cobalt’s gesture, only with a napkin instead of his hand. Spending enough time with Griff had made him more conscious of germs than he had been before. But just a little. “Living on the moon and stuff. I just don’t think anybody wants us too.” And he laughed, then smiled at Cobalt again. “It’s fine. I won’t tell anyone, if you don’t tell anyone I’m that corny.” And, as he held the other man, he added quietly into his ear, “and that goes for the crying too, if you want. But I think…” he was still sniffling a little. “I think it’s sweet.”

When he pulled back, Danny offered him a napkin too and smiled. “I do want to,” he said, serious now. “But you don’t have to thank me for anything. You’ve….you were amazing to me when I was a kid. And now. I think I still owe you for all that. And if this works toward repaying you…” He shrugged. “Then I’m happy. Now. C’mon.” He nudged him playfully. “You need to have more than a half a sandwich. You’re too thin. Promise me to buy a whole one, at least? Pleeaaasseee?”