At Any Second I Could Scream (Alyssa)

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Storming back into his dorm, right to his room without so much as a biting remark to Romeo, Lucah dialed the contact he had selected. He wanted to scream, or throw something, or even break down into tears. But he wasn't going to do any of that quite yet. He just needed someone to care. He wanted Jez because he knew she'd have the most luck getting him out of the dark hole he was stuck in. Why did it have to be today? He was perfectly fine before! Damn Belle and her assumptions! She didn't know anything.

Luc's hand gripped the phone so tight that his knuckles were white. He kept taking soothing deep breaths so that he wouldn't end up throwing anything or having an emotional meltdown. Guys weren't supposed to cry. He'd been taught that to cry was to be weak. But he felt like crying because now all he could think about was his mother and his sister. Both gone for different reasons. Jezebel was probably fine without him, but he was lost without her. And his mother was probably watching over him, disappointed with the way he was thinking, but also worried about him. Surely she wasn't ashamed of him, right?

The phone rang and Lucah kept breathing deeply. What if she didn't answer? What if she didn't care enough to want to hear what he had to say? What was wrong with him?! He was trembling and more upset than he had been in a very long time. Belle had torn him apart, but she didn't even know how much it hurt. Bringing up his mother was a low blow, yes he deserved her anger, but she had no right to say anything about his mother. He sat on his bed and waited as the phone rang again, please pick up.

[Alyssa James]

Lyssa’s phone lay on her bed and she was home alone. It was a day where everyone had decided to go to the zoo. She opted to stay behind, finally getting some privacy. She danced around in boxers and a very low cut tank top not worried about prying eyes or the two males in her life to scold her. She kicked up her legs, singing obscenely loud. She didn’t hit key or pitch. The song ended and she heard a familiar tune coming from her phone. It was Lucah who called her..

She took precious seconds to decide if she was going to answer. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to him, she was having a girls day (or what she thought counted for one) and she wasn’t really in the mood to talk to anyone. She flipped open the phone, staring at the picture he allowed her to take. His blue eyes sparkled and there was a kindness in his smile that told her a million things, none of which she picked up one.

She put the phone to her ear, not really paying attention to what was on his end. She turned down her music to background noise and lay on her bed on her stomach, her legs swishing through the air behind her. “Hey Luc, what’s up?” She remembered his kiss and the way he had held her. She also remembered the anger she had towards Romeo. God, he was such a dickhead. After two minutes of silence, she wondered if he was still even there. “Lucah?”

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah nearly dropped the phone when she answered. He hadn't really been expecting it. Sure, he was the one to call, but he didn't think she'd actually answer him. He would have been better off maybe if she had let it go to voicemail. How was he supposed to talk when he could barely get control over himself? What the hell was he supposed to say? He didn't know how to begin with her, he didn't know if he should have even called her, but it was too late now.

He cleared his throat and laid back on his bed just listening to the sound of her voice for a second. But it had been a second too long. He sighed lightly, but tried to sound happy. "Hey Lyssa, not much, I was just um..calling to say hey..." His voice didn't sound happy at all. He sounded broken, as if he'd already been crying. To him, it was pathetic, but how would she see it? She'd probably think he was a wimp too. Instant regret started to flood inside him, what was he supposed to do now?

"Actually, um, I kind of needed someone to talk to. Can you maybe help?" Luc was so unsure sounding that anyone who knew him would instantly be alarmed. Lucah was not an unsure person. He knew what he wanted at all times and never questioned it. But in all his pain and suffering he was starting to question a lot of things. Too many for his taste.

[Alyssa James]

Lyssa rolled over on her back and sighed. She did it silently. He took very long to answer her. When she heard him, he just wanted to say hey; she sat up, her legs swinging from the edge of her bed. He sounded broken, as if he had been crying. Maybe he had, but Lucah didn’t seem to be the type. Maybe it was something else. She had never heard this voice from him, not as long as she knew him. This was new.

Her brows flitted together; maybe it was that rumor she had heard going around. A yelling match in the library was kind of hard to miss. The rumor had spread like wild fire; some blonde girl (assumedly his ex) had been fighting with him in the library. Her stomach dropped into her legs and she held very still, like a deer in headlights. She was silent, breathing as quietly as she possibly could.

He asked for help, now that was something she knew he never did. “What’s up Lucah?” she asked her voice suddenly serious. She could almost sense it through the phone. Maybe it had to do with the fight he had with the girl. Who knew?

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah took a shaky breath in and realized that she had caught on to the mood he was in. Her serious tone made his frown deepen, he didn't want her to get involved, but at the same time, he just needed someone to talk to. This only ever happened when he was with his sister, the tone, the fact that he was actually asking for help, all of it. And it had nothing to do with the fact that him and Belle had fought, but it had everything to do with what she said.

He cleared his throat, trying to get a grip, "Um, I don't know how to start....I just need someone to tell me that I'm not a screw up. I mean, ugh, I don't even know what I mean. I got into this huge fight with my ex and she said something that sort of got to me." He paused and closed his eyes. He sounded so dumb that he really just wanted to stop talking. She probably thought he was ridiculously over dramatic or something.

"You've seen me at my worst, well at least when I'm being a total prick. When I said those things to you...." He stopped again hating that he was bringing up how awful he'd been to her. "Did you think I was a horrible person? Did you think I meant what I said?" Of course she had, that was a dumb question. He was just so lost, he didn't know what else to do. Nothing he said when he was angry was meant to be true. He said it to hurt a person, not because he actually believed what he was saying.

Lucah draped his arm over his eyes and sighed, "Tell me if I sound insane and I'll leave you alone. I just need help...I don't know what else to do."

[Alyssa James]

Lyssa froze at the word ex. She knew he had one, or many, but the fact that she was actually on campus made her shiver. She wasn’t cold but she wrapped a blanket around herself anyways. She had gone from lying on her stomach to sitting up, her legs swinging back and forth all seriously. She pulled the black blanket around her tighter and listened to him talk. She didn’t know what his ex had said, but she was going to find out soon enough.

“I don’t think-“ she started to say and then stopped. He continued to talk and she was silent throughout it. She didn’t know what to say. Of course she had thought it at the time. She had been hurt and he had made her ruin her favorite dress and a pair of shoes that cost her two months worth of allowance, she felt like a whore that night. “I’m not sure anymore Luc,” she said quietly bringing her feet up under her.

“You don’t sound insane. You aren’t insane for asking for help. What did she say to you?”

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Luc had expected her to say that she had thought he was a total dick at that moment. How could she not? He had been a total jerk to her in front of so many people. The fact that she talked to him at all anymore was surprising in itself. Or the fact that she had kissed him after that. As he remembered the touch of her lips he smiled slightly. He really wished he was with her at that moment, but he didn't want her to see him as he was.

"I understand if you did think that. Heck, I'd understand if you still did. I was a total jerk to you, but you have to know that when I say things like that, it's a defense mechanism. I never meant it." His words were rushed and the chaos that made up his mind was clear in the way that he was talking. Luc needed her to understand that before he said anything else. Maybe then, she'd take his side over Belle. Either that or she'd think he was an even bigger jerk.

Lucah frowned and forced back the tears that threatened. He didn't cry. "She said that Jezebel and my mother would be ashamed of me and more or less that I'm not only a disgrace to my father, but also my deceased mother..." His voice broke twice on the last two words. A tear slid down his cheek and he sighed deeply.

[Alyssa James]

Alyssa gave a small smile while she listened to him breathe. She was alone in her house; she got p and put the phone on speaker while she got dressed in real clothes. She listened to him speak; he was rushing through his words. She understood that it was a defense mechanism; she had done the same thing once upon a time. She had told someone close to her something that should’ve never come out of her mouth. She sighed as she pulled on jeans and pulled the curtains from the window.

When he started to talk about his ex, she paid attention, her eyes going wide with annoyance. Her father had claimed she had picked that up from her mother, but she wasn’t sure, Lyssa had never seen her mother annoyed. Anger started to course through her, she hadn’t known Lucah’s mother or sister, but she knew enough from him telling her that he was really close to them and anything about them being disappointed with him would definitely put him in a foul mood. She clenched her fist and took the phone off of speaker, her voice going through clenched teeth. “Are you fucking joking me? What is her name Lucah? I am looking for trouble,” she growled.

She walked down her stairs, well more like stomped, and slammed through the cabinets looking for something to snack on. She growled randomly, her skin rippling. “I’m gonna fucking mess her up! What does she think she knows about your mother and sister? I don’t care what happened! I’m gonna fucking-!” She never finished her sentence. She gripped the counter, growls coming out more wolf-life, her grip on the phone deadly.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah was staring up at the ceiling, half of his mind was focused on what had happened in the library. Half of his mind was focused on the sound of her voice and he couldn't help but think of her smile. When he pictured it, he thought of the training field when he kissed her. At frist he'd expected her to be angry and push him away, but to his surprise she hadn't. Maybe she actually did like him. Was it possible that they'd be more than just awkward friends? Clearly he told her more than he told most. Otherwise she wouldn't understand what he was talking about now.

Her voice came out angry and he instantly regretted his words. Was she angry with him? Her words struck realization and he almost was relieved. But as angry as Belle had made him, he didn't want Lyssa to hurt her. It was his fight, not hers. And Belle had said it because she wanted to make Lucah feel bad, at least he hoped she hadn't said it because she believed it. He didn't know if he'd be able to handle that. Still, he didn't want Alyssa fighting his battles for him. Luc was capable of handling himself. "Lyssa, calm down. Please, I didn't tell you this to make you angry. I just needed someone to tell me she's not right."

Lucah heard her stomping down the stairs and he winced with ever noisy step. She was more angry than he would have expected. He knew if she kept getting more angry, she'd phase in her house. "Hey, just relax. Lyssa, it's okay. She just said it because we were fighting. Please Alyssa just calm down." The pleads coming from his lips seemed feeble, but he was trying. He hated when she was upset especially because he knew it was his fault again.

He sighed deeply and ran his shaking fingers through his hair, "I probably shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry for upsetting you."

[Alyssa James]

Lyssa’s grip on her phone went slack almost immediately. She looked around the kitchen; she had certainly made a mess of things. Some of the bowls had been disheveled. She held the phone between her chin and her shoulder, picking up the mess, her anger turning into liquid and dipping out. She listened to his feeble attempts on calming her down and surprisingly it worked. “No, no, I’m sorry… I’m just in a really bad mood; it’s not your fault. I hate it when people are hurting the people I care about,” she said softly, leaning against the counter.

She suddenly felt tired, her phone really warm in her hand. She hated it when someone hurt the people she cared about and that’s what her anger was for. She yawned into her hand, her eyes drooping slightly. “And, she didn’t have any reason to say that to you, she may know your sister, but she definitely doesn’t know your mother.” It was a sore spot for her, people had done what his ex-had done to him. She always had gotten angry and usually shifted afterwards. It took her hours to calm down and mostly because she knew what they said was true, her mother would be disappointed with her. She kissed any guy that came along (although she hadn’t done that since she met Lucah) and she’s done…things but not exactly sex. “It’s a soft spot for me; people would say that to me as well. And the problem is that I know it’s true.”

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah had once again expected a different reaction than what he had gotten. He wasn't really the type that was good at calming people down because usually he was the one that needed to cool off. He was relieved that it had worked though. Maybe he was better at this stuff than he gave himself credit for. He sighed lightly and wished yet again that he was with her rather just having a conversation on the phone. Luc wanted to hold her and kiss her again. He was at his most vulnerable point, frankly, she could get anything out of him at this point.

"It's alright, I understand what you mean. I'd have reacted the same way if you'd been the one telling me this," Secretly he couldn't help but smile wide at the fact that she had said (more or less) that she cared about him. It had made him momentarily forget all that had happened. At least someone cared about him now that Belle hated him.

Lucah sighed again, "She doesn't even know Jezebel. I mean, she might as well with as much as I've told her about Jez, but she's never met my sister." He frowned, "And I feel horrible for saying this, but I'm sort of glad she didn't meet her. My sister get attached to people pretty easily." It would have been an awful thing had Jezebel been attached to Belle. He never would have been able to leave her then. And now that he had, he knew it was for the best. "That's why I'm hoping she'll get to meet you," He added as an after-thought. Jezebel would see in Alyssa what Lucah did. Their mother.

"Lyssa you can't actually believe that..." Luc said softly with a stab of sympathy. "I don't see how you can even say that. I don't know your mother as well as you or at all, but no mother could ever be truly ashamed of their child. The way mother's love his different than how a sibling or even a father loves." He paused for a moment trying to remember how his mother had described it once. "My mother told me that no matter what I did, however bad it may be, she'd always love me. And if she didn't, she wasn't a good mother then. From what little I've heard about your mom, I know she's a good mother Lyssa and I know she still loves you. Just like you seem to know that my mother still loves me."

He was happy with what he'd said, though it sounded a little on the weak side and he wasn't sure if she'd take it the right way or not. He was always expecting the worst anyway.