Brief Encounters Part Deux - Cobalt

[Benjamin Rhodes]

In retrospect, the last call he made to Cobalt was probably not his best idea. In his defense, he had not been himself ever since he met the older man. He hadn't been too forward, he hadn't been too nice, he hadn't been too forthcoming, he hadn't been too rational...it wasn't a bad thing all around, it just wasn't what Ben would have done before he met Cobalt.

But one thing was for sure, Cobalt was making him second guess himself and that was a very bad thing.

Ben had been so sure he wasn't ready for any kind of commitment, he didn't even know if he was ready to put himself in a situation where he could easily get hurt. And having these feelings for the shadow manipulator so early and so hard...it was causing the child psychologist much distress.

But it still didn't excuse the brush off he gave Cobalt the last time and for that he was seriously regretful. He wanted to make it up to Cobalt and this phone call was his way of making amends. Part of it. It depends on how well this phone call was received, he supposed.

Breathing in, he pressed the call button and waited for the other man to pick up. Once he did, Ben realised he hadn't even thought of what to say. Damn it. "Hey, Coby..."

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt, for his part, was trying not to think about things too closely. He had taken to spending his free time with Riley and Josh, or with Danny. Along with teasing Leila and trying to keep busy at work, he was generally successful in convincing himself that everything was okay. As such, he had made plans with Danny to go get dinner. Which would hopefully be less full of awkward emotions as last time. That was starting to become exasperating, simply because he was sure his old friend didn't appreciate all their conversations becoming depressing at the drop of the hat.

He was absently filling out some paperwork when his cell phone rang. Without looking, he picked up the cell phone and answered it, "Yup?"

...Oh.

".......Ben. Hey. Haven't heard from you in a while," Cobalt said cautiously, not quite sure what the other man would have to say to him. Hopefully nothing too bad, "What's up?"

[Benjamin Rhodes]

He could hear a bit of hesitation in Cobalt's voice and he sighed inaudibly. The man was probably cursing him in his mind right now and Ben knew it was all his fault anyway. He kept the thought to himself and cringed when he realised Cobalt was right. It's been awhile.

"Yeah, I'm...sorry about that. I've just...I haven't been myself lately. I didn't want you to get effected by it. I shouldn't have made it an issue." He breathed softly, rubbing the tips of his finger against his forehead. "Um...you free tonight?" He asked, hoping the other man wasn't too upset with him to want to hang out with Ben.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt was not, in fact, cursing anyone out in his head. His head was spinning with doubts and suppositions and self consciousness. Overanalyzing everything that had happened in their latest conversation. It was starting to make him dizzy and annoyed. He didn't really blame Ben yet, he was still fairly certain that he had done something to merit this strange detachment. And he was still trying to figure out what the hell he did in the first place.

"....Um," Cobalt rubbed the back of his head, trying to articulate what he wanted to say, "...Okay. Are...is everything okay? I mean. Um. Y-you can...talk about it. With me. If you want." Ugh, this was the worst ever. Cobalt squashed down the creeping feeling of embarrassment.

And then Ben had to ask if he was free. Which he wasn't. Shit. "Uhhhh..." Cobalt pressed his hand to his forehead, sighing, "I...would like to. But I already made plans." He had made these plans a while ago, and he wasn't about to cancel them because Ben decided to be normal all of a sudden.

[Benjamin Rhodes]

Cobalt's offer to talk was deeply comforting and for a brief second, Ben was overwhelmed by the urge to pour his heart out but he stopped himself, wondering what the hell he was trying to do. He couldn't tell Cobalt about all this. It would destroy any semblance of a relationship between them two and Ben did not want to do that. If...if it was possible, he wanted to retain the friendship he had with the old man.

Wait... No. He'd spent way too much time thinking about being with Cobalt that reverting to friendship again would probably kill him. Good God, everything was so fucked up in Ben's head. He wanted Cobalt but the thought of committing to him was rather suffocating.

Why?

"Thanks, Cobalt but...it's okay. I'm...I don't wanna burd - it's not a big deal. I just wanted you to know I'm sorry." Hah, Cobalt may feel embarrassed but Ben felt downright foolish. He was a middle aged man, trying to explain his absence to his boyfriend of two months like a fifteen year old boy would to his hookup.

Just as he had suspected, Cobalt was not the type to lie around and wait for Ben and obviously had plans. No doubt with Danny, and damn it, it stung. He knew he was being selfish since he had cancelled their plans before. But that didn't stop him from feeling what he felt.

"Oh..." Ben replied, nodding. "Of course you have. Um...okay so, have fun. Say hi to Danny for me," he blurted out before biting his lower lip. Too late to take the scathing remark back. For all he knew, Cobalt was hanging out with Leila but Ben, being all presumptuous, had to bring up Danny. Which was funny since he knew Danny and Cobalt were just friends. "Uh...I mean...have fun."

[Cobalt Weaver]

There was a pause on the other line, and for a moment, Cobalt thought that Ben was finally going to talk to him, and maybe even tell him what he did wrong. Cobalt was blindingly aware of the hypocrisy of his frustration. He didn’t make it a habit to open up to Ben about how he felt. He simply didn’t trust Ben enough to share things with him. The idea was far too terrifying to talk about. So really, the situation only made him believe in karma.

This is what you get.

When Ben evaded the question, Cobalt felt a surge of irritation. Dammit, he was trying as hard as he could, but this was just like before, when Ben would look at him sometimes and Cobalt would know he was trying to tell him something but he couldn’t ever figure out what. It left him feeling helpless and out of reach and frustrated. “Fine.” He barked, far harsher than he intended. He sighed, ran a hand through his hair, and tried again, “…It’s okay. Just as long as you’re okay, I guess.”

Cobalt was taken aback that Ben knew he made plans with Danny, but he supposed that was to be expected. If nothing else, he did tell Ben about how important Danny was to him. “Uh…..” He let the sound draw out, “Thanks? I will? I’m sure Danny will be glad to…hear from you.” Cobalt rubbed the back of his neck again, “…Are you sure everything’s okay?”

[Benjamin Rhodes]

The reply to Ben's refusal to pour his heart out over the phone had Ben rubbing his face tiredly. He could just imagine what Cobalt's answer would be if he actually told him how he was feeling. But the other man mellowed and Ben relaxed...sort of. "I am now. I...I'm sorry I can't talk about it. Wasn't supposed to be a big deal in the first place." He was starting to repeat himself, which meant this conversation should end before he said something stupid.

"Yeah, hope Danny's doing okay for himself." Ben forced a smile despite knowing Cobalt couldn't see it. He was going to have to get over this Danny problem. He couldn't very well blame Danny being a problem while he was having trouble committing, at all, to Cobalt.

"Yeah, Coby...I'm fine. Hope you are too, kay? We'll catch up soon. I'm..." he stopped himself from saying sorry again, lest Cobalt got tired of his apologies. God, he hoped Cobalt won't ever be tired of his apologies... "I'm gonna let you go now. Sorry if I bothered you from your work, yeah? Just realised you're probably...still at work." Ben laughed nervously.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt sighed heavily, suddenly very tired of all this nonsense. Ben wasn’t lying, not completely. He just couldn’t tell if Ben was okay, or if this just was something that wasn’t supposed to be a big deal in the first place. But instead of pressing further, Cobalt simply let it go: “Okay. Well. I’m glad you’re okay now, then.”

Of course, Cobalt still kind of suspected that Ben had a problem with Danny. But to his credit, the younger man didn’t make it an issue, so Cobalt wouldn’t either. He adjusted his glasses and nodded at the phone, even though the gesture was obviously futile, “He’s doing fine.”

“I’m…okay, yeah.” Cobalt said quietly. In truth, he was stuck in a strange limbo between sometimes being fine, and other times being really, really not. But there wasn’t anything he could do about that, “No, it’s fine. You weren’t interrupting much. Just paperwork. You know.” His shoulders slumped tiredly and he sighed again, quietly, “Okay. I’ll talk to you sometime, then. Bye.”

Cobalt shut his cell phone, cursed quietly, and shoved the device into his pocket. He stared listlessly at his paperwork and shook his head. What a mess.

[ooc: aand wrapped >.> Eventually they will stop being so stupid.]