I Should Tell You [Ben]

[Cobalt Weaver]

[ooc: this takes place immediately after So Long to the Headstrong]

Cobalt stared at his phone. He didn’t really have much time; he’d excused himself briefly to make these calls because he knew people who would want to know about this. He didn’t want to be away from Leila for very long, so he knew he should get a move on. With that impetus in the back of his mind, he dialed the one number he’d been wanting to dial for a month.

He didn’t mind admitting he was overwhelmed. This kind of thing didn’t happen to people like Leila. She was responsible and kind and a bit of a pain, but well meaning and good-intentioned. She was so young. And the moment he’d had time to think beyond blind, numbing panic, the only person he’d wanted to talk to was Ben. It was an awful, screwed up irony, but there was nothing he could do about it. Letting out a shaky breath, Cobalt dialed the number before he could think the better of it and let it ring.

When he answered, Cobalt almost didn’t say anything, momentarily forgot what he was going to say in the face of just how long it’d been since he talked to Ben. This was bad. Clearing his throat, he said. “Um. Ben. It’s—it’s Cobalt. There’s something you should know.”

[Benjamin Rhodes]

Ben had to admit, his behaviour was very juvenile and he shouldn't be this distraught, so after three weeks of sulking like a little child, he had managed to grow up and made good effort on befriending the person who was dear to Cobalt. And like he had already convinced himself earlier, even before he found out Danny and Cobalt were old friends, he liked Danny. He was sweet and kind and unrelentingly child-like in his overall behaviour.

He understood why Cobalt was so easily affectionate towards Danny.

This week had started out perfectly fine. Ben was starting to make meals again, he was already talking to Yulia regularly again...things were going great and though he was still thinking about a certain shadow manipulator, it didn't send him straight to bed. Things were good.

So when the phone rang, Ben didn't think twice about answering and when the caller spoke, Ben froze for a bit. Especially when his words alluded to many of the feelings suddenly cropping up again in the psychologist.

"Uh...I don't think...the phone-" Rewind. "Sorry, what's up?" Nonchalance, brilliant Ben.

[Cobalt Weaver]

What was stupidest about this situation was how, regardless of the circumstances, no matter how terrible and overwhelmed Cobalt was feeling, Ben’s stammered, half-coherent greeting made him want to laugh. What took Cobalt by surprise was how much he really missed just hearing Ben. And how it was nice to not be the only painfully awkward person in the conversation. Cobalt’s grip on the phone was tight as he paused for a moment, wishing this was just a social call. Or an “I’m sorry” call.

Finally he said, “You should know. Leila’s in the hospital. Sh-she’s got acute liver failure, it looks like.” He rubbed his forehead briefly, his shoulders drooping, “She collapsed in the office today. God, this is insane. I don’t even—this is something you should be able to tell before it gets out of hand, right? She was all… all jaundiced and… how did I not see this? How did I not notice?” Words tumbled out of his mouth as the emotions of the day spilled over. However, he did not cry. No matter how much he might have wanted to. “And—and I knew that all her damn medication was a problem. I knew it. And I didn’t press the issue because I thought she could take care of it herself. Dammit…” Cobalt pressed on the bridge of his nose, taking several deep breaths. He was not going to lose it now.

[Benjamin Rhodes]

The silence was killing Ben. He almost blurted out what he had been meaning to say to the shadow manipulator but thankfully, Cobalt finally spoke. And of the most unlikeliest thing that ever crossed his mind.

Served him right for thinking the world revolved around him.

His heart broke as Cobalt continued on to basically blame himself for Leila's condition. Ben tried several times to interject but Cobalt went on and on and briefly, Ben felt smug for having Cobalt spill this all on him. It didn't actually occur to him that Cobalt had probably called everybody else before even thinking of calling him.

When Cobalt paused, Ben took it as an opportunity to offer support. Probably not the best kind but the poor soul always kept on trying. "Don't blame yourself for this, Cobalt. You shouldn't." He said softly. "I'm sure she's in good hands now. There's a doctor there who deals specifically with liver, Dr. Terrence Jordan. If you get him, I know she'll be fine."

Ben continued offering words of comfort, not entirely sure if he himself was reassured but he would be damned if Cobalt blamed himself for anything.

[Cobalt Weaver]

“Well, that’s—that’s good.” Cobalt scrubbed a hand through his hair, “We’ve been talking to him. He seems…good. Except,” Cobalt let out a borderline-hysterical laugh, “He keeps saying things like cerebral edema and things I don’t really understand but sound really damn terrifying.” Cobalt sighed, shaking his head. “…She’s so young, Ben. What am I supposed to do? How’re you supposed to…? Shit.” Cobalt swallowed hard, leaning against a helpful wall. This was all a huge disaster, and he was trying to keep it together, because this wasn’t about him. It was about Leila. But this whole thing was certainly putting everything into perspective for him.

It was clear that Ben was trying hard to make him feel better, and he appreciated that. It didn’t mean Ben was being very effective, but something in the effort tugged at his chest a little bit. There were a lot of things they had to work on. Cobalt was just too tired to try at present.

“…I’m sorry for yelling at you.” Cobalt offered Ben quietly. It occurred to him that he never said that. And he probably should have. “Among other things.”

[Benjamin Rhodes]

Ben ignored Cobalt's momentary hysteria and wished he was there with the shadow manipulator instead of just listening to his voice. It was absurd. There Cobalt was worrying himself shitless and here Ben was wondering what it would feel like just to reach into the phone and hug the lawyer.

He almost lost the thread of the conversation until he heard the apology. His heart thumped and he just about squealed over the phone like the five year Barbie obsessed girl he was. Surely, Ben didn't mean to be so self-absorbed that in the midst of a crisis [Leila was family, this was instantly viewed as a personal crisis] he would be thinking about reconciling with a friend.

It took him awhile to realise he was supposed to respond to Cobalt. "Uh...don't be. I shouldn't have started it. I didn't mean to sulk at Danny. He's a nice guy. I...I apologised to him the other day."

[Cobalt Weaver]

If Ben had squealed over the phone, Cobalt would have been more than a little confused. As it was, this wasn’t really a squealing situation, but it was entirely possible that Ben didn’t really understand the severity of the situation. Either way, Cobalt wasn’t really paying much attention to how Ben was reacting, only that he was here even in the most oblique of sense, and that Cobalt could hear him. The amount of comfort that gave him was disturbing to say the least. Besides, this really wasn’t about him. This was about Leila.

He started with surprise when Ben mentioned Danny. And that he apologized to him. “Y—really? Oh. Well. Um. I’m glad.” Now with this new perspective, these little arguments with Ben and Josh and Sean and Danny didn’t seem like that big a deal. A lot of things that used to be so dramatic seemed a little silly now. “I’m glad you guys worked things out. You’re both…” so important to me. “…My friends.” Still, despite everything, Cobalt couldn’t ask for anything more than that. He had no right to.

[Benjamin Rhodes]

Years from now, if Cobalt ever asked what Ben was thinking during this conversation, the psychologist would die if he ever had to explain himself. Let's all just hope Cobalt never remembers this event in years to come. At least then Cobalt won't have to deal with a self-absorbed friend.

Ben smiled at Cobalt's words before sighing quietly. "Cobalt, I'm sorry you're dealing with this now. I don't...I don't know how serious this will get but you're gonna be okay. Leila's going to be fine. You both just hang in there." He paused and briefly mused at the fact that he was using every single cliche in the "supporting friends and family" book. "If there's any update, don't hesitate to call."

The psychologist wanted to keep the other man on the line longer but given the circumstance, Cobalt needed to go and Ben needed to let him go. The lawyer had apologised. Despite being in a dire situation, he'd called and he'd apologised. Ben shouldn't ask more from the shadow manipulator.

"You should go back to Leila. Thank you...for calling. I..." Ben paused once more before he let slip something completely stupid. "I'll see you around maybe."