Like We're Miles Apart (Lucah)

[Belle Harrington]

It had been two weeks since the day that Belle met Lucah's father. The day that Belle told Lucah that she loved him, and the the day that he told her he loved her back. So why was Belle sitting alone in her room with Amelia starring at her cell phone? Because it had been two weeks of Lucah being distant. Being too busy. And being cold to her.

Belle was beginning to regret telling Lucah that she loved him. She knew she was falling in love with him, but she didn't know if she was IN love quite yet. And now Belle was almost positive that her uttering those three words freaked Lucah out, and now he was avoiding her. Maybe he didn't feel the same way back? Or even worse maybe he was regretting ever being with her? Or no longer wanted to be with her?

They were boyfriend and girlfriend, but it didn't feel like they were. It didn't feel like the two of them were even friends. Or acquaintances. It was like they were strangers. Two people who didn't talk to each other. Or even know each other.

Sitting at the edge of her bed, with Amelia perched on her cage, Belle starred down at her cell phone, thinking to herself about what she was going to say. Would she call him? Or text him? Belle knew that trying to text Lucah lately usually led to no response, so she knew that they only way to communicate with him would be to call him.

So slowly Belle began to dial the number.

As soon as the first ring went through Belle's heart began to race, and her hands began to sweat and shake a bit. She was terrified of being rejected some more by Lucah. She was terrified that he would tell her he wanted nothing to do with her. So she sat there quietly thinking of how to bring it up? Or how to even talk to him now that he was being like this? What was she supposed to do?

Finally after a few rings, she heard the other line pick up and Belle's heart jumped up her throat. She sat there silently for a few seconds listening to Lucah's voice on the other line. He probably knew it was her that was calling him, but still she didn't want to sit there in silence.

"H-H-Hi L-Lucah..." Belle finally spoke, her voice quiet, the hurt obvious in it. Belle also noticed that her stutter was now back whenever she tried talking to Lucah. It was like she was back to being afraid of talking. And it hurt her to be afraid of talking to Lucah.

She felt like crying. She had missed him so much these past few weeks. And she just wanted to spend time with him, but because of him being distant and not being there for her, Belle felt like she was alone all over again. And she didn't like that.

Belle felt like she was being teased. She was allowed to be so happy with this wonderful guy, and then he was taken away from her without a word, and she was left feeling lonely again. It just wasn't fair.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah had been locked up in his room for weeks. He barely went out in public and he was completely soaked up in his poetry. He just couldn't understand what his problem was. He had been completely fine before, but now he was going back to his old ways. Cold. Distant. Stone-like. Lucah was stressed.

In the past few weeks he hadn't talked much to Belle. Why? Because he was thinking. Thinking about those three words that had been exchanged. It hurt to think about what he was doing. He knew what he was doing, but he wouldn't admit it to himself. He didn't like thinking. It made everything so much more complicated. Lucah was over-thinking it. He was thinking himself right out of the relationship. Love? How could he be so stupid?!

He had been avoiding Belle's texts and calls. He couldn't talk to her. He couldn't see her. He couldn't deal with any of this. It was just too difficult. He couldn't love. Simple as that. But he liked her so much! Why did it have to be like this?!

Lucah was laying in his bed staring at the ceiling. He had just written in his new journal. The entry of his pain. His confusion. He had his right arm over his eyes and was trying to control the headache he was getting. His cell phone buzzed once, twice then finally he answered it. "Hello?"

Luc knew it was Belle. No one else had really bothered him since he decided to cut himself off from the world. Adrianna had called once, texted a few times and then just stopped. Zaer had called once, stopped by once and then gave up. Belle was the only one who hadn't gotten the picture yet. She was too naive and just didn't understand. He heard her stuttering on the other line and it nearly tore him apart. She hadn't stuttered much with him before, but now she sounded just as she had when he found her crying in the library that first day they had met.

It hurt to know that he was the one causing her pain. He didn't want any of this.

[Belle Harrington]

Belle sat there silently for a moment trying to think of what to say to Lucah. The awkward silence between the two of them was so thick it could have probably been cut with a knife. Why was it like this? The two of them were almost perfect just two weeks ago. And now, they could barely hold a conversation. Belle let out a soft sigh and let a tear drop fall from her eyes. This was breaking her heart, knowing that things were different now between her and Lucah all because she couldn't keep her mouth shut.

Finally after a few tears ran down her face, Belle wiped her eyes and spoke, "I-I-Imi place d-de t-t-tine..." She said softly, remembering the day he had asked her out in her dorm room, and had been teaching her some things in Romanian. She felt her heart tear in two when those words left her mouth. She did still like him. She really liked him. And this was killing her. She just wanted to be in his arms, and cuddling together. She wanted to look at his face, and feel his touch. She even missed the coldness of his skin. Belle especially missed his eyes. She just wanted to see them again. She wanted to kiss him again. Belle just wanted everything to be back to the way it was before, but she knew that it wouldn't. And it possibly could never go back to the way it was before.

Belle let out a soft sniffle, as she continued to cry softly to herself. She didn't want Lucah to know that she was crying, and she didn't want him to feel bad. She just wanted to know why he was being so distant. Why he hadn't been talking to her. And why he basically forgot about her. Sighing again, Belle finally spoke, "Wh-wh-what happened t-to you...? Where d-d-did you go...?" She spoke softly, a sob stuck in her throat.

"H-h-how could y-you just l-l-leave me like th-th-that...?" Belle pushed out, her voice cracking. She was scared of the answer, but she needed to know.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah was growing uncomfortable with the silence. Things had changed so much since he had first met her. Since their time at the lake. That's when it all turned downhill. He couldn't stop thinking since that day. He just had too much time. The more he thought about it the worse it got. Everyday it just kept building until he had lost it completely. His grip. His mind. Everything. He had just lost it. His father's words bore into him every time he thought and just made it worse.

Then he had gone to the courtyard one day, just to get out. And saw her with him.

The jerk that had pushed Adrianna back into her emo slump. As if she didn't have enough on her mind! Adrian was one of his best friends and he cared about her a lot. Which meant Talen wasn't very high up on his list of 'favorite' people. Then he proceeds to cuddle with Belle! Lucah hadn't said anything to Belle about it. He couldn't without screaming. The very thought of it made him seethe. How could she do that to him? Run off to another guy while Lucah was going through this? Maybe she had called to rub it in his face. She had moved on while Lucah thought. Love? No. Not love. There was no way.

She sounded so upset though. It was all so confusing to Luc. He wanted to be infuriated with her, but while she was crying it was nearly impossible. He heard her say the words he had taught her that first day. She liked him. If that was the case, why did she go to someone else? What had happened to him? Where did he go? How could he leave her? All these questions she wanted to know the answers to. Lucah didn't want to answer.

"I'm sorry Belle. I just got busy. Thinking. Dealing with my psychotic father, preparing for Jezebel's arrival at Hammel, trying to relax in the courtyard," He had emphasized the last word, implying that he had been there. He didn't know if she'd pick up on it, but he hoped she would. He needed to focus on the main problem. Her telling him she loved him and his fear of falling in love.

[Belle Harrington]

Belle sat there and listened to Lucah's excuses. She didn't know what hurt more, having him avoid her, or him making up stupid reasons for avoiding her. Did he really think she was that naive? And that stupid? That she was believe and fall for his excuses? Belle let out a soft sigh, and cleared her throat. She knew she was going to break down soon, she could feel it coming. It was starting to over take her body. "Y-y-you know I c-c-could have h-helped you w-with th-that..." She said quietly. He knew didn't he? She had told him many times that she was here for him, and that she would help him. She did right? "Y-y-ou know I-I'm h-here for y-you..." Belle was almost sure she did but it didn't hurt for her to say it again.

Finally he said he had been in the courtyard and Belle noticed the emphasis on the actual word. Courtyard? Why was he telling her this? He disappeared on her for two weeks? And he decided to tell her that he had been in the courtyard? Was he in the courtyard the whole two weeks? She had been out there, and she hadn't seen him. That's when Belle realized something, Belle had been out there. With Talen, just earlier, cuddled up against him. Had Lucah seen them? Even if he had. That didn't give him an excuse for disappearing on her. It was one day, versus the two weeks he had gone into hiding.

Belle sighed and shook her softly, the tears coming to an end. "Th-that doesn't ex-explain where you w-went for two weeks... A-and why you l-left me..." She sniffled, "I know wh-why Lucah. Y-you g-got scared when I told y-you I l-loved you... Y-you ran a-away..." Belle couldn't hold back the tears now. "I w-was so lonely," She sobbed into the phone, trying not to be too loud in Lucah's ear. "All I h-h-had was T-T-Talen when you d-d-disappeared..." She whimpered, tears rushing down her face now. "Y-y-you were gone, and h-he was th-there..." Belle sighed again, and began wiping her tears away. "I w-waited for you. I c-called everyday. T-t-text you all th-the time. I w-was a good g-girlfriend. I'm st-still a g-g-good girlfriend. B-but y-you disappeared..." Belle looked over at Amelia and then lay back on her bed.

"Y-y-you said you l-l-loved me t-too..." She said into the phone, almost pleading with him. "You s-s-said you were h-happy w-with me too... Wh-what did I-I do w-w-wrong...? W-was it all j-just a l-l-lie?" Belle asked, her voice cracking, and her heart broken into a million pieces. She had never been in so much pain before. She didn't know what hurt more, the first time her wings ripped out her back, or Lucah ripping her heart out of her chest.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah listened to her tell him yet again that she would help him. That she was there. That he had her to go to. And yet, none of it mattered. He was so broken already, he knew there was no way of fixing it. Nothing could help him now. He wasn't capable of loving because he didn't know what it meant to be in love. He had never witnessed it. Two people loving each other. He had only seen one-sided love. His father loved his mother while she was there miserable. It wasn't right! Lucah didn't want that for Belle. He couldn't love even if she could. If she loved him, it wasn't fair for him to not be able to love her back. She deserved so much. So much that Lucah knew he couldn't give.

"I know you think you could have helped me. I know you say you're here for me, but Belle I can't do this," Lucah's voice cracked and he gritted his teeth forcing back the tears in his eyes.

Talen. All she had was Talen. No. Lucah couldn't believe that. "Bull shit Belle! You had me! You could have come to talk to me! You tried calling and texting, but did you once come over to my dorm and ask one of my dormmates to let you in? No you didn't!" Lucah yelled in frustration. "I wasn't scared when you said you loved me. Not for myself. You don't deserve this Belle. None of it. What I'm doing to you. It's wrong. How can we be together when I can't love anyone?!" He screamed and threw his notebook at the wall across his room.

Lucah stood up and paced his room his free hand pulling at his hair trying to rip it out. "The fact that you went to Talen just proves that you know you deserve more than this." He said through his teeth, trying desperately to get control. He hated yelling at her. He hated being the reason behind her sobs. He hated himself.

"It wasn't a lie....at the time. I was happy. I was in love, but then I woke up and realized no matter how many times you tell me I'm different, I will always be my father. I can't change over night Belle. I don't know if I can change at all, not permanently." Lucah said in a broken whisper. He was crushing himself with his words and yet he thought they had to be said.

Boy was he wrong.

[Belle Harrington]

"I can't do this." Was all Belle heard from Lucah, and she felt her heart break even more. She didn't know it was possible, but what she had been feeling before was nothing compared to this. This was her heart being ripped out by Lucah. And it hurt. She didn't know what she did to deserve all this. HE couldn't do this. HE was the one ending, but why was SHE the one dying inside? Why was it HER heart breaking?

That's when he started yelling at her. He said she hadn't tried? What was he saying? She could have gone to his dorm room and get someone to let her in? What the hell? Why would she have done that? She felt unwanted. She was the one that felt unloved, and yet she still chased after him a bit. He wanted her to run to him, to make things better, but it was him who disappeared and left her. Why did she have to do all the work? Belle grit her teeth and listened to his yelling and then she couldn't take it anymore. She was pissed. She was enraged, she knew what was going to happen, so she prepared for it.

Standing now, Belle's wings emerged in her anger but she couldn't care less at this point, nothing hurt more than the feeling in her chest. She paced back and forth in her room, her wings tearing things down, and making a mess of the place. And then finally she spoke, "F-Fuck. You. Lucah." She hissed the words at him, "Why d-d-did I have to c-come to you? You were th-the one who disappeared on m-me! Y-you wanted m-me to come to your dorm? I didn't f-feel wanted at ALL. Why w-would I put myself in that s-situation? I thought you d-didn't even want to text me let alone SEE me." Belle stopped to catch her breath before continuing, "And do you know WHY I went to T-T-Talen? Because he's a good FRIEND, Lucah. A FRIEND. He's going th-through almost the same thing as me. You know. Heart break? When the other person who SUPPOSEDLY LOVES you just leaves you, and disappears. Do you know how much that hurts Lucah. No you don't!" Belle screamed into the phone.

She walked up to a wall of her room and aggressively punched it, a bad idea, but it helped with her anger. She was fuming. "And you know wh-what Lucah? Fuck you! You ARE your f-father. No. Lucah. You're worse th-than your father! He may have b-been a monster and in an arranged marriage but h-he actually LOVED your mother. H-h-he didn't LIE to her. He didn't make her fall in love with HIM and th-then DISAPPEAR. You're horrible Lucah." Belle shrieked into the phone and punched the wall again, this time her knuckles drew blood. Belle had never been so hurt in her life. Her heart was breaking, she was in pain, and she was enraged. What kind of guy did these sorts of things? It wasn't fair at all.

"I h-hate you Lucah!" Belle said into the phone before hanging it up.

Belle immediately fell to the floor her wings wrapping around her as she sobbed into her hands. She was in so much pain. Her heart was hurting so badly. After a few minutes of crying, Belle finally got a grip of herself. She didn't hate him. No she loved him. And she hated the fact that she did love him. And yes, she did love him. She didn't just like him anymore. She actually loved him.

Belle knew what he was going to do, and she had to stop him. So she pulled her wings in, wrapped a long sweater over her nightgown and rushed out of her dorm room to Lucah's.

(End.)