Excuse Me (Lucah)

[Belle Harrington]

It had been months since Belle had last seen Lucah. She had been so heartbroken, the one person she had ever loved had left her, and she didn't know what to do with herself. Belle had locked herself in her room for days, slowly emerging just for classes and to practice. During her time of isolation Belle began to change who she was. She was tired of being so quiet and timid. She needed a change. She needed to become someone new.

One weekend away Belle changed her appearance completely. She wanted it to be a surprise, she was finally ready to re-enter the world has her new self. She was tired of hiding away and crying herself to sleep. She loved Lucah, she still did but she knew she had to move on. She wasn't surprised if Lucah had already moved on, the idea of it broke her heart, but she wasn't stupid. At least not anymore.

Belle had avoided the library for months, she knew that was one of the main spots Lucah would be at. She knew he focused on his studies very aggressively, especially when he was hurt or upset, and she was hoping that maybe, even just a little bit, Lucah was missing her just as much as she was missing him. But today was a new day, today was a day for Belle to spread her wings a fly, not literally of course, but she was going to go to the library today. She had a lot of homework to catch up on and sitting alone in bedroom with Amelia was too depressing. Not for this new girl. She needed to get out, even if it was just to the library.

Slipping on a tanktop and a pair of skinny jeans,, as well as some new accessories Belle made her way to the library. She flipped her new short hair as she walked towards her destination, today it was a bit wavy, but she didn't really care anymore.

Belle held her head high as she walked into the library, half of her wished that she would run into Lucah, and her other half wished she would never see that boy ever again. But fate had another plan, as Belle walked through the aisles, her eyes were focused on the books. It was so nice to be back in the library, no matter how she looked or acted, books were always going to be one of Belle's favorite things.

As she walked and walked through the aisles, Belle did not notice the tall boy she was about to walk into. But when she bumped into him she instantly knew who it was through the coldness of his skin. She could not believe her bad luck. The one time she came out of her room she would run into him. Taking a step back, she looked the boy up and down, her green eyes scanning and searching for his blue eyes, she quietly cleared her throat and excused herself.

"Ex-x-x-cuse me..." She said quietly, her stutter and words almost shaking as much as she was. She was nervous. She still loved him so much, and she hadn't seen him in months. And here he was. In front of her and all she wanted to do was to hold him, and kiss him, but she knew she couldn't anymore.

Belle could feel her heart breaking again, maybe she wasn't ready to come here just yet, she thought to herself. But she had to stop herself from crying. She didn't want Lucah to see her cry, she wasn't his problem anymore.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

School was starting to take it's toll on Lucah. He was a little behind on school work and studying and things just weren't going all that great. It didn't help that Romeo was the biggest douche bag of a roommate on the planet and wouldn't shut up ever! Also, he'd been a little busy with other things. Things like Lyssa. He was always hanging out with her whenever he was supposed to be studying. It was a lot more fun than doing school work.

Today was a catch up day. Alyssa was out doing her own thing, Romeo was at the dorm being obnoxious as usual, so Lucah decided to go the library and study, do homework, heck maybe even find a new book. He hadn't gone to the library much since he broke up with Belle. It was where he'd first met her and had a lot of memories stored there. Not to mention he wasn't really wanting to deal with a crying ex who probably hated his guts. Romeo was to blame, not him. It was his roommate who'd filled his head with a bunch of bad thoughts. Lucah had enough insecurities without Romeo's help. Yes, he was a horrible person for dumping her based off of someone else, but it wasn't just that! To him, it felt like she was ignoring him. Always holed up in her room too busy to hang out. It was neglectful and Lucah just couldn't handle it.

Things had just been getting worse for him. As soon as Jezebel was taken away from him, he'd sort of gone a little crazy. Then he broke up with Belle because she hadn't been around in order for him to tell her what happened. It just tore him apart. Did he regret it? Of course, but he was moving on because it was best for both of them. After Jez left, he'd gone into a hole of depression that just made him rethink everything. He'd gone back to thinking he was incapable of love and it wasn't fair to Belle for him to drag her along when she'd never get from him what he got from her.

Then he'd met Alyssa. He sang in front of her! He'd made a total dick out of himself in front of her because of jealousy and then he'd apologized and kissed her. It was all just so much, but somehow it was all worth it to him. Alyssa was so different from Belle. She knew what she wanted, she was rebellious as all get out, and she could stick up for herself based on intimidation. Belle could stick up for herself, but it was different and she took it harder. With Lyssa, Lucah felt that he didn't need to be so careful all the time. He wasn't walking on eggshells anymore, he was just free to say whatever he wanted and she'd come back with a comment that matched his sarcastic ruthlessness.

As he walked through the aisle that was filled with several different books, he was so lost in thought and completely unaware of anything or anyone around him. He was just hoping he wouldn't happen to see Belle here on his one day to work. It wouldn't go over well, and he wasn't sure he could handle the tears. Not to mention her saying she hated him again. That still haunted him. As long as he didn't see her, things would be fine.

And then someone ran right into him, or maybe it was the other way around. He was about to snap, up until he looked at who it was. Her hair was shorter, she looked older, more rebellious, but her stutter was still very much there. "Belle...I-I'm sorry. I wasn't paying much attention," Lucah said in a tone that had inhabited his voice for several months. It was cold, distant and definitely not the same tone she'd be used to. His luck was really that bad.

[Belle Harrington]

She wouldn't lie, she was a bit startled when she heard the tone in Lucah's voice. She wasn't used to it. It was different. He didn't sound like the Lucah she had once known and loved, well, still loved. His tone was so odd to her, he wasn't the loving, caring Lucah anymore. He sounded more like his father.

Belle could feel her heart break when she heard her name come out of his mouth. It was like old times. Happier times. Memories of the two came rushing back to her; the time she met Lucah in the library, the time she professed her love for him while sitting on her bed, and most importantly the time she lost him. The day he broke up with her. She didn't know where it had come from. Everyday Belle wondered to herself what she did wrong, until finally she gave up.

Now here she was again, standing in front of Lucah, the boy who promised he would love her forever. The boy who left her in the dirt, and the boy who broke her heart. Oh how she wished she could to hate him.

But with an inner sigh, Belle put on a small smile, and shrugged, ignoring his cold voice, "It's a-alright," she said with a soft giggle, "I'm p-pretty sure I-I ran into you." Belle quickly looked Lucah up and down, he looked different, older, most definitely, like his life had taken it's toll on him over the past few months. He was still so handsome to her, and she had to stop herself from starring into his beautiful blue eyes.

Belle missed him. She had missed him so much, and she had just wanted to be near him for the longest time. She knew at this point she had two options, she could either walk away from him and try to forget him for good, OR talk to him and try to be his friend just to be near him.

"So, wh-what are you d-doing here?" She asked, trying to beat the awkward silence she knew was about to come. She knew that walking away was the best option, but she wasn't thinking clearly at this point. She also knew that he would say he was just here to study, but she hoped he would return the civility, and spark up a conversation.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah had gone cold. After meeting with his father the day Jez was taken away, he'd just froze solid and lost a lot of feeling. He'd started thawing out little by little, but there were moments that his cold-shoulder would hit someone full on. Linden McKay had dealt with it when he'd taken Alyssa out and so did the guy that was all over her. Heck, she had too. Luc had more or less called her a whore with a bunch of STDs, biggest dickhead ever at that moment. Thankfully for him, she understood that he didn't mean it and wasn't really thinking all that clearly.

The tone of his voice had taken on the tone his father had always used with him. Jezebel didn't get the tone, neither had Jessamine, but Lucah always had. It was dark and distant. But it packed a punch. He hated using it, but on the other hand, he couldn't help it. Luc still felt as though Belle had been avoiding him before they broke up. He kept thinking it was because of that dumb Rumor blog that had screwed things up with them before. If it wasn't Romeo, then it had to be Rumor. He couldn't accept the fact that they just weren't cut out for each other anymore. It hurt too much still.

Lucah wasn't heartless, he did care, he just didn't show it. He hated feeling weak, whether it was in front of Dimitri or Jezebel didn't matter, he hated it just the same. And he would not show weakness to Belle ever again.

"Either way, I apologize," He answered without a hint of a smile. He wanted very much for things to be as easy as she was trying to make it, but he just couldn't accept the laugh and the smile she had given him. Things were different now. Luc had to keep his eyes focused on something behind her. He couldn't even muster up the strength to look in her eyes and see just how she felt. If she was still upset or angry or anything, he couldn't handle it. Not to mention, she was still clearly beautiful, but to him, he was still so focused on Alyssa that it didn't seem right to think of Belle that way.

"It's a library, people come here to read or study. I happen to be doing both. I'd ask you the same question, but I can assume you're here to get work done as well. After all, school is quite important to both of us." Lucah cut himself off before he really went on a rant. He was being a jerk for a reason. It was dumb, but he felt like it was the right thing to do. If they became friends, what would happen? She'd find out about Alyssa, get jealous and hate him eventually. Or she'd end up falling harder for him, and he just didn't see himself going back to her. He didn't want to hurt her anymore, it wasn't fair.

But he hated acting like this in front of someone who knew him so well. He wanted her friendship, but he was terrified of what it would cost her.

[Belle Harrington]

Belle was again taken back by the rudeness of the boy in front of her. How he had changed so much from the loving boy she had fallen so madly in love with. He was once again the boy she knew he hated. He was cold and heartless once again, and she was upset with it. Why was he being so hostile to her? She was being nothing but nice to him, trying to create conversation, and smiling.

If looks could kill, Belle thought to herself as she shot Lucah a dirty look, what the hell was his problem? She thought to herself as he answered her question as why he was here. He was rude. He was being very cruel to her, and she was getting so frustrated. She hadn't seen him in months, and seeing him here, yes broke her heart, but she was still happy to be around him once again.

She frowned, and shook her head, "Y-you dumped m-me" she sighed, and pulled a book out, pretending to look it over, "You're th-th-the one that l-l-left me." She glanced over to him, her green eyes glazed over with tears, "Th-th-there's no n-n-need to be s-such a douchebag." She said slamming her book shut.

Belle turned towards him, as she held the book against her chest, "I-I'm trying to be f-f-friendly," She said, bitterness in her voice, "b-b-because I want us to be f-friends, b-but you're being a h-huge asshole. Fucking cool it L-Lucah, I-I'm not a st-stranger. You kn-know who I am, and I-I know who y-you are. Th-this isn't you." She sighed and shook her head again.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah saw the dirty look and knew he was doing something right. He was internally cursing a flood, but on the outside, his face was full of indifference and darkness. All he wanted was to go back to how they'd been before. He wasn't this man he was acting like. This was his father, not him. And yet, he felt as though it was the only way to get through to her. She was too good for him, she could do better and she deserved so much more.

Cruelty came with what he was trying to do. He was trying to kill all of the positive emotions she had for him and turning them all negative. Maybe she should hang out with Romeo, then she'd get a good dose of negative things about Lucah. If only she knew what his intentions were, what would she do then? Would she still want him?

Her words nearly made his cold exterior slip into one of regret and guilt, but he didn't let it. The tears in her eyes were not something he was ready for. His composure slipped slightly and he flinched when she slammed the book shut. This was why he hadn't wanted to see her. He couldn't deal with her thoughts about him. If she only understood what had happened, why he'd really broken up with her. Could she blame him then?

Lucah met her eyes as she continued, his own showing all of the guilt, though he was trying hard to force it back. Get a grip! Her words were starting to bring out all of the emotions he'd pent up for so long. The anger, the frustration, the pain, all of it. "You don't even know what the hell you're talking about Belle. I didn't come here to have this conversation. If you wanted to know what the hell happened, you should have fuckin' come looking for me before." He said in a low tone that held no anger, but a thick layer of desperation for her to understand he was trying his hardest to do what was best for her. "And you don't know me as well as you think, people change."

[Belle Harrington]

Belle rolled her eyes, as she put the book back on its shelf. "Don't f-fucking bullshit me L-Lucah," she said with a huff. "Why the fuck w-would I come a-after YOU when you dumped me?" She hissed, her eyes still starring at the book she had just put back. She was trying her best to hold back her tears, she didn't want him to see her cry, not anymore. She didn't want to be weak.

"You d-d-did this to me before L-Lucah. You p-packed up to go BACK to Ro-Romania, and I ran after you then." She tucked her hair behind her ear, and quickly wiped a run away tear away. She hoped he hadn't seen that. "I told you th-then, if this h-h-happened again, I-I-I wouldn't be able to d-d-deal with it. You kn-knew I wouldn't come back." She turned towards him again. "And w-why the hell would I c-come running back to you, it wasn't y-your first t-time dumping me!"

When he told her that she didn't know him as well as she thought she did, she could only see red. Pressing her finger against Lucah's cold chest repetitively now, Belle's anger slowly began to raise, "I-I'm not fucking stupid L-Lucah. I know wh-what you're trying to do. I-I-I know you too w-well to put up with your b-bullshit. Y-you're doing this s-so I won't get h-hurt. But f-fuck you, you h-have no say in w-what I choose to do." She glared up at the tall boy, letting her hand drop back down to her side, "If I ch-ch-choose to be friendly to you th-then that's m-my choice, a-and why d-does it fucking m-matter to you anyways? Y-y-you broke my h-heart. I-I-I'm already fucking dead in-in-inside."

Belle's eyes dropped to the floor, she had never uttered those words before, but once saying them she knew they were true. She was dead inside, she hadn't been so happy in so long, and seeing Lucah had made her happy again, even if it was for a brief moment before he opened his mouth, but she had been happy for those few seconds. After a few deep breaths, Belle's eyes went to look into his blue eyes, she could see his pain, and could see his suffering, and that hurt her even more. She was hurting him. She never wanted to hurt him, just the thought of him crying again made her heart break.

"Th-th-this isn't you L-Lucah." She said bringing her hand up, and resting it on his chest over his heart, green eyes on blue,"Th-the guy I l-l-love is still in th-there, don't l-let him die." She said painfully as her tears escaped her eyes. She still loved him, she knew she would always love him, or at least always have him in her heart. He was her first love, and she knew she would never forget him.

"B-b-but..." She said letting her hand drop again, "I-I-I'll leave you alone if th-that's what you want."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah's hands curled into fists and his chest started heaving the more frustrated he got. Why couldn't she just see that it was better this way?! Why did she have to make it so goddamn difficult for him?! "You apparently know every fuckin' thing about me Belle, I figured you'd come running to see what was wrong." He said darkly, his anger and frustration getting harder to conceal. His voice was still quiet because he didn't want to call attention to the scene, but it was difficult.

Her words kept drilling inside his mind and he started trembling. She didn't understand. She didn't get it. "God dammit Belle! You don't get it!" He yelled in frustration. "I didn't dump you just because you can fuckin' do better! I left you because my sister was taken from me because of our goddamn relationship!!" He stepped closer to her, his blue eyes bright with anger, but his voice lowered back down when he'd gotten a dirty look from the librarian. "You don't know what's happened to me because of this relationship. She's all I have left of my mother, I couldn't lose her too." His voice cracked on the last word and tears filled his eyes.

She spoke and the tears slid down his cheeks silently. Luc knew the feeling she was describing, he'd felt it too, but he was getting past it. He had to in order to get his baby sister back. Jezebel would probably smack him for being so dumb. Belle was trying to be civil, but he couldn't help it. Just seeing her had brought back the emotions he was trying so hard to get rid of. He didn't want to feel like this anymore. All they'd had was a few good moments and far too many disastrous moments. The good didn't weigh out the bad anymore. Nothing did. It was just too much for him to handle.

Her voice softened when she noticed the pain in his eyes. He cursed himself to the fiery pits of hell for showing the emotions he had. She didn't deserve to see how much this cost him. He didn't want her to feel sorry for being upset with him. He deserved worse than what she was saying to him. He deserved a good smack across the face and kick in the groin. He was being unfair to her, but he couldn't stop now. Being friends wouldn't work.

But he so wanted it to...

"Belle you deserve more than this," Lucah whispered and cringed against her touch. He didn't deserve her kindness and he wasn't about to get it because she felt bad. He stepped away from her and ran his fingers through his hair trying to think.

He finally bit his lip and made a decision, "Maybe, we can b-be friends. But I...I need some time and we can only be friends Belle. I'm...I'm sick of hurting you, but I'll never be able to stop if we're together."

[Belle Harrington]

Belle couldn't stop herself at this point, her small, dainty hand came up and slapped Lucah across the face. It was a loud slap, which echoed through the aisles and aisles of books. Belle's tears continued to run down her face, as she saw the red mark from her hand appear on his cheek. She couldn't believe she had just hit him. She just wanted to jump him, cup his face, and just kiss everything better but she knew she couldn't do that anymore.

When Lucah started yelling at her Belle couldn't help but stand there stunned, how was she supposed to know why he had dumped her, she had just assumed it was because he was "thinking" too much again.

"L-L-Lucah." She spoke softly, "How w-w-was I supposed to kn-know why you d-dumped me...?" She stepped forward to wipe his tears away, "I-I know how m-much Jezebel means to you... Y-y-you could h-have just told m-me, I would have un-understood, y-you didn't h-have to do it th-th-the way you did..." She sighed, and gently touched his cheek like she used to. "I-I-I loved you, L-Lucah," she stopped, "Te iubesc" She said softly, correcting herself, "I w-would have understood..." She sighed and looked up into the blue eyes she had missed so much, "I-I-I thought you d-dumped me b-because you sc-scared yourself a-again... I couldn't d-deal with that again L-Lucah..."

When Lucah cringed at her touch and stepped away from her, Belle could feel her heartbreak, she thought maybe he Lucah could hear it too with how painful it was. She just wanted to be close to him, what couldn't he understand? That she would go through hell and back just to be by his side. That she had gone through hell and back to be by his side. Why couldn't he understand that all she wanted was to be near him.

Then finally Lucah said they could be friends and a small weight lifted off of Belle's shoulders, at least that was a step in the right direction. She knew there would be a little to no chance of them getting back together, but she could still dream and hope, couldn't she? "O-okay..." She said softly, nodding her head, when she listened to Lucah. "Th-then stop hurting me..." She said quietly, her eyes on his still, with a small shrug, "It's th-that simple... D-d-don't hurt me."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

The loud clapping sound of her hand connecting with his cheek made heads turn. Lucah had been slapped by his father so many times that he barely felt it physically, but the fact that she'd hit him, he'd felt emotionally. Never in the time that he'd spent with her did he think she'd ever need to smack him. Finally, he'd pushed her buttons enough to get a response. And it hurt, more than it would have if it'd been his father. At least when Dimitri hit him it made Lucah feel like his father could see him. He wasn't invisible when his father hit him. But when Belle hit him, he felt regret for being so cruel.

Lucah hadn't meant to tell her why he'd really dumped her. It would only give her false hope and he couldn't let her believe he still wanted a relationship. He loved her, but he couldn't keep up his rebellion because now it effected Jezebel and that was where he drew the line. Never would he let his personal life hurt Jez. The more he thought of the day she'd been taken, the worse he felt. He could almost hear her screaming his name again as one of Dimitri's 'associates' carried her off to the car.

"You weren't supposed to know Belle," He whispered flinching as her fingers brushed against his cheeks. It wasn't because he didn't want her touching him, it was because he didn't want the comfort. She wasn't supposed to feel sorry for him. "I wanted you to hate me Belle because that's easier than knowing you still love me..." He grabbed her hand as she touched his cheek and took it away from his face. His cheek was still bright red and was throbbing, but he barely felt it. "And I'll always be afraid of those feelings Belle, it's not because of you. I just can't handle it, not yet."

Luc noticed the hurt puppy look on her face and frowned. He was always hurting her, no matter what he did. It wasn't that easy. What would happen when she found out he already liked another girl? Surely then she'd hate him, right? He couldn't tolerate being close to anyone, he was always pushing people away. Jezebel was lucky she was able to get through to him. Lyssa hadn't come close to really understanding how screwed up he was yet. Nor did he really want her to know.

Lucah folded his arms across his chest and hugged himself, though it didn't appear that way. His eyes still held the most emotion they'd held in months, but his face was a little more composed. He looked down and shook his head, "No Belle, it's not that simple. You've met my father, you know how I'll become. It's in my blood." He spoke softly avoiding eye contact.

[Belle Harrington]

Belle frowned as he flinched from her again, didn't he know how much it hurt her? She felt disgusting, that the one person who supposedly loved her once, couldn't even allow her to touch him anymore. When Lucah moved her hand away from his face, Belle let it drop down as she held back her tears.

"I-I wasn't supposed to know...?" She asked through gritted teeth, "Y-you were going to l-l-let me live m-my life w-wondering everyday wh-what I d-did wrong...?" She said, trying to keep her cool. Belle could feel her blood boiling now, she was getting frustrated with everything. One moment he seemed to be cracking, then his wall was back up. She couldn't understand what was holding him back. Why couldn't he be somewhat happy to see her too?

Belle looked away, and focused once again on the books. "Y-you're an idiot L-Lucah." She was getting tired from all this, she had been so emotionally beaten down in these few minutes the two of them had been talking. "S-stop being l-like th-this Lucah, y-you're not f-fooling me. Y-your father isn't h-here you don't n-need to prove a point," Belle spoke softly as she pretended to look through the books on the shelf, "Y-you're better th-than this L-Lucah, th-there's a w-wonderful person u-under th-that cold sh-shell. Under those st-stupid excuses th-that it's "in your b-blood," and I-I kn-know he's still in th-there... Th-th-the guy I l-l-love is st-still in there."

After looking through the books, she pretended to finally decide on a book and pulled it off the shelf. Pressing it against her chest she turned to Lucah again, green searching for blue, "Jezebel w-would be so a-a-ashamed of you r-right now." She said shaking her head in disappointment, "So w-would your m-mother," She sighed and looked him up and down one last time. "I-I-I live every d-day to m-make my mother p-proud, you should do th-the same Lucah."

And with that Belle continued forward, and walked past him. She brushed past Lucah close enough to allow him to not only feel her, but smell her too, she knew he'd recognize her smell, and she hoped that it would stick with him forever, like his did with her. She wouldn't allow herself to look back, she placed the book she pulled off the shelf onto a table and made her way out of library. It would be ages before she stepped foot into there again.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah's expression darkened again. He'd gotten good at distancing himself further. It was like when he first came to Hammel. No one could really get through to him, he had weakened over the years and still was weak, unless he had to put the wall back up. And in this case he did have to. Belle was getting into too many emotions and he wasn't ready to deal with it. She thought she knew so much, but in reality, she knew nothing about what he was thinking. She never would.

He gritted his teeth, anger surging back up, "You would have forgotten about it soon enough. I'm not that memorable, even if I was your first love." He was hell bent on pushing her away for a while. Luc just couldn't handle the stress of her being so hurt around him now. Not to mention he couldn't handle his own emotions. He had no one to go to anymore because of his father. If she was going to blame someone it should have been Dimitri. But Luc knew that deep down she did blame Dimitri because Lucah was acting very much like the man they both hated. "After all, it's not like you lost your v-card to me Belle, which must be pretty damn surprising to you considering I'm such a horrible guy for having a sex life!" The words came out before he could stop them, and after they were out, at this point he didn't want to stop them. He was full of anger and frustration and hurt. He may have broken her heart before, but she broke his every time he saw her.

Lucah laughed cold and distant, "Thanks, Belle. You and my father just might get along because you think of me the same way." His tone took on a sharp edge and the more she talked the more his blood heated and began turning his face bright red. She said she still loved him, but he couldn't accept that. She was saying those things in order for him to break. In order for the wall to come crumbling down, but he wasn't going to just give up. He was too angry for that.

The disappointment in her tone almost made him feel guilty, but her words just sparked an even worse reaction out of him. How dare she tell him what Jez would feel if she saw him! "You know what Belle, you can stop talking right now acting like you know what you're fuckin' talking about. You don't know shit about my sister, and you definitely don't know my mother." He said it in a menacing tone, it was a tone that he'd never used with anyone before.

"And if you think that we've got a chance of being friends again you're wrong." Lucah looked away from her, but before he could walk away, she did. He stood in the library for a few minutes until he knew she was gone. After he got control over himself enough to move, he picked up his books off of the table he'd been studying at before and walked rigidly out of the library with one thing on his mind. He needed someone to go to, someone to understand him. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed Alyssa's number.

((END))