My Lady's Eyes(Adrianna)

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Guilt was something Adrianna often took upon herself. She’d taken it when Talen cheated, she’d taken it when her mother’s illness started to take over Amelia’s body and she’d take it now. Lani didn’t deserve to take the blame, he hadn’t known it was happening. How could he when he was away? Yes, she’d have loved to know he was there to support her, to back up the words that she’d said to Rhett, but he wasn’t and she still should have put that same force into her words. Nothing she’d say anymore would make this right again, she knew the damage she’d caused would always be there in the back of his mind even if he didn’t realize it. “It is my fault. Lani I did this, I’m the reason we’re fighting! I let him fill my head with all of those things when I should have believed my own words when I said them! I’m treating you like you’ve already hurt me and it’s not fair to you,” She whispered the last sentence and a tremble rocked through her body.

Adrian couldn’t help the hurt in her eyes, the hurt expression on her face, it came with the feeling of disappointment. She felt like her heart had been torn off of that sleeve she always had it on. But it wasn’t torn off completely, it was barely hanging on by a thread because he hadn’t total shot her down. He’d said ‘me too’ after the fact. Didn’t that mean it was possible that he could still fall in love with her? But she didn’t want that. She didn’t want the hope of him loving her if it would never come. Her eyes slipped shut at the pressure of his lips on her forehead, the lightest of pressures. When he apologized, her head shook back and forth. No, he would not apologize for not returning the feelings, “Lani don’t. Don’t apologize. You can’t help what you feel…” She looked up at him when he tilted her head and locked eyes with him.

Time. He wanted time.

But how long could he want? Lani couldn’t expect her to wait forever just for him to say he loved her if he really didn’t. His lips brushed against hers and her heart reacted violently, thrashing against her ribs. The love she felt for him was so present in every reaction she had to him. Just the touch of his fingers against her cheek, the pressure of his hand in hers, his lips touching any part of her skin, they all caused such a strong reaction that it had been easy for her to know she was in love with him. What she had with him was real, she felt it too. “You think I have loved someone like this? Lani, I’ve never been in love either. I’m just as new to this as you are and I’m terrified,” She said quietly burying her face in the crook of his neck.

The concern in his eyes had her stomach clenching. He understood how hard it was to feel like someone close to you could die at any minute. Their time was short-lived. But he didn’t understand exactly what it was like. Caroline was better now, Amelia had been suffering for nearly a decade. Her body shook as if she was cold and unable to get warm. His arms wound around her again and she bit down on her lower lip. It wasn’t fair. Why did her mother have to be so sick? She pressed her forehead against his shoulder and shook it, “The doctors have done everything they can and she’s still having allergic reactions to some of the medication and some she’s just not responding to. It’s only a matter of time.”

[Lani Hunter]

Lani shook his head at her and grabbed her head and with a hand on either side of his face he held her so he could look at her. “Listen to me,” he said firmly. “This is not your fault. You didn’t do this. Rhett did. We’re not fighting,” he reasoned carefully, “We had a misunderstanding and now we understand don’t we? So what? We’re better than we were before. You have every right to think the way you do.” He shook his head slowly and gave her a deep kiss his heart thumping hard with every second that ticked by. Releasing her he wrapped his arms around her hoping to shield her from everything. He smoothed her hair and made soothing sounds. She didn’t deserve the guilt, but neither did Rhett. He had only planted the ideas. But sometimes the inception of an idea is just as much a crime as acting on them.

Her eyes, the warm brown welcoming eyes were filled with pain and were like puddles of murky water, he couldn’t see the bottom and he couldn’t tell what they held. The uncertainty that followed what he had known was going to be a bad idea. He never should have said it like that. That would imply that he wasn’t feeling the same. But in reality he was so confused that he couldn’t have told her what he felt exactly. All he knew was that he would be devastated if she decided to leave him and that he cared deeply about her, enough to not want to leave. He sighed and ducked his head before looking into her eyes. He knew what she wanted and he knew what he wanted. He wanted to share her feelings but he was afraid of what that would mean. If he loved her could he be free?

If Lani had it his way he would wait for a long time. He didn’t want to be tied down. He figured Adrianna wouldn’t tie him down but just the idea that he would have to eventually admit all of his lies to her before he was able to say those words to her was daunting. He didn’t want his secrets exposed. He wanted to tell her in his own time in his own way. But every direction he turned people and events were trying to force his hand. Lani was startled by her admission. She had been in relationships before, but had she loved other people and not realized it. Lani blinked unable to think of a response for that. Perhaps that was why she was so worried, because she really did feel so strongly. He closed his eyes and smoothed her hair as she rested her head against him. “I’m scared too,” he admitted in a whisper, “But we’ll get through this together.”

Lani wanted to do something. Anything to keep the inevitable from happening. His heart sunk as she told him the diagnosis. He had met her mother once and he had already grown to care for the older woman deeply. She was so much like her daughter how could Lani not be drawn to the spark of life that was Ms. Amelia. He shook his head. “Don’t say that,” he said soothingly, “She’s a strong woman, she won’t go without a fight. Don’t write her off yet.” He tried to make his voice encouraging and bright. “I’m sure they’ll think of something. There has to be something.” There was a tail end of desperation in his tone toward the end. There had to be something. Something. Anything.