Up in flames (Cameron)

[Cameron Osiris]

Cam wanted to hang out with her as friends, and they did that a lot. Maybe he just wanted something more, something different. Something he could really sink his teeth into and really get to know her by giving her something he thought she deserved. If she wanted more of his time she would have to express her want for more commitment. It wasn't that he didn't want to, it was that he wasn't a mind reader.

"I'm sorry too," he said with a soft smile, "I mean, that's why I planned this. We sorta talked about it before, on the retreat..." They had vaguely referenced it and nothing more but he had made something out of it that she hoped was beautiful in the end. He laughed again and blushed slightly. "Well I didn't want to just play, not when I'm putting you on the spot like this." He had a sweet side sometimes.

"Noah talked to me too..." Cam was so confused. Why was she mad at him for something he hadn't done? The lights in the store dimmed and returned to normal again as he caught his beating heart. Cam wondered all the time why Mia was simultaneously outgoing and insecure. And he had asked, but she hadn't told him. He couldn't help that.

"I was a little busy helping Tak run her table," Cam explained, almost pleaded. Why? Why did Mia make it so damn difficult to love her? "The song, the dates... me." He further explained. "You're my best friend Mia, my confident. You make me grow and think about things. I l... yeah, I really like you, but you always push yourself away from me." He approached her again and grabbed both her hands, kneeling in front of her. "Just tell me what to do..."

[Mia Bell]

If he wanted more than why hasn’t he stepped up and said something? That’s what Mia has been waiting for, she couldn’t read minds either. Why was it that Cameron wanted her to step up and say something? Why couldn’t he do it himself?

Mia smiled “You mean our date?” Why hadn’t he said on their date instead of retreat? Had he not seen it as a date? Mia chuckled a little “Well I loved it.” She liked how she had made him blush.

Mia groaned, he just wasn’t getting it. “I don’t care about Noah, and the fact that he was talking to you meant you guys were having a conversation which made me feel more intimidated.” She wasn’t mad at him. She looked up at the lights, but it seemed like she was upsetting him now. “I’m making you upset aren’t I?” Why couldn’t he just gently talk about this with her? Mia didn’t remember him asking and if he had he must have vaguely asked. Not that she was very open to talk about it so if he really wanted to know he was going to have to pester her about it.

“So you were too busy helping Tak to hug me for a second but you had time to B.S with Noah and hug Fer for a really long time?” That just made her feel even worse about the whole thing. She wanted to know what ‘he’ wanted before she told him what she wanted. “You say you really like me, but it also seems like there are other things and people who you are really into also. “ Mia sighed “I push myself away from you because I don’t to get hurt. I push a lot of people away.” But she made it difficult for someone to love her because she had made it easy in the past and gotten her heart shattered because of it.

Mia sighed again as Cameron asked her to tell him what to do. She bit her bottom lip, she wasn’t sure how smart this was going to be but she felt she had to do it. “I want you to tell me how many times you’ve slept with someone since our first date and how many people you have gone on dates with in the past couple months.”

[Cameron Osiris]

"Good," he said with a nod, "I loved it too." He really had. Any time spent with her was something he had wanted more of. It was why he was here right now. He would've stepped up sooner if he knew she was interested at all.

Cam took a deep breath and kept his cool. "I'm not upset with you Mia, I'm just really frustrated 'cause I don't get what I did wrong that day. I was helping a friend with her table or whatever, I said hi to everyone as much as they said hi to me..." If this was so difficult, it only gave him a glimpse of what their potential was.

He blinked. "Why didn't you just say so?" And then he laughed, scratching behind his ear. "I didn't hug Fer man, he hugged me." It was a totally different story. He listened to the rest and nodded. He didn't disagree. There were a lot of people he liked, so what? If she wanted precedence she needed to say something. He was happy with where he was, and it wasn't his job to say what he wanted when she didn't want him anyways.

Cam's jaw practically unhinged. "One. And five." One of them didn't really count as a date, but hey, why not just throw it in there. Cam's eyes dropped to the ground and he pushed himself up again. "Why?"

[Mia Bell]

How could Cam think she wasn’t interested? If she wasn’t interested she wouldn’t have said yes to going out on a date with him… She wasn’t like Cam who went out with random people for the hell of it.

“Then just forget about it…” She was done fighting for her point. He didn’t get it, he didn’t even acknowledge the point where it hurt her. He didn’t do anything wrong if he didn’t think he did. But the point of the fact was that she felt like she wasn’t as important to him as the others seem to.

Mia rolled her eyes “Fine whatever…” She was done trying to get him to see her side of all this. There were a lot of people he was into, which made Mia wonder why he would ever want to be with her. Mia didn’t feel like she ‘had’ to say something, she wanted it to be automatically there; just like everyone else did. He didn’t get it, everyone knew his reputation and everyone else wanted to know just how important they were to the blonde by him making the first move by wanting something more. “I really like you Cameron.” How could he say she didn’t want him? Because from her point of view he didn’t want her either. If it wasn’t his job, how could he say it was hers or anyone else for that matter? It shouldn’t be a job, it should be something he’s happy to do. He would be surprised by how many people actually wanted him and really liked him. If only he had the balls to make the first move other than asking them out on a date.

Mia stood up and took the guitar then looked at him. “Because it shows me that your heart is at different places and you needed to figure out what the hell you want. I’m not going to tell you that, and you shouldn’t wait for someone else to. And if you want to keep dating different people than fine, I have no right to tell you what to do and what not to do. I can give you the best advice I can.”

Mia moved to put the guitar back up on the wall. She said what she wanted to about it. Cameron needed to figure out if he wanted something more or if he was happy where he was at now. She could help him the best she could “I’m here for you, to help you if you want the help. But you need to figure out where your heart is really at and you are going to have to act on it. Because if you don’t figure it out now it’s going to come back to bite you in the ass later; I know it’s hard and I know you don’t like confrontations but you have to confront your heart.” It was the only way he was going to be truly happy.

[Cameron Osiris]

Cam went out with different people because he cared about people.

Feeling an intense sadness, Cam wondered why she was losing patience with him. He didn't understand and she wasn't helping him see. Everything was perception and perspective, and if she didn't give him some clues, he was never going to get it. She was expecting far too much from him. Cam liked different people for that fact - because they were different. He wanted to see what each person was about and wanted to see if they liked him beyond the surface as well, but surface things were the easiest to start with. Asking someone out was already pretty ballsy, some people couldn't even muster up the courage to do that. And even less would dress up for someone just to play a song. If it wasn't obvious by his words and actions that he didn't like her, then there was nothing more he could do. It was all in her head.

Cam sighed. This was going nowhere fast. "I didn't ask for advice, I just wanted to try being with you and you let everyone and even yourself get in the way. People are gonna hurt you Mia, that doesn't mean you should stop trying to love them first." Cameron always fell first, always had his heart on the line. If she didn't like him for who he was, then why did she like him at all?

Of course Cam wanted something more, but no one around him seemed interested. They made assumptions about him because he was with more than one person. "I've already been bit," he said, unbuttoning the top of his shirt and sighing. He thought he understood her though. If he really wanted to woo her, he was going to have to 'quit' everyone else. She wanted his full attention, not just when he remembered her. "I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you Mia," he really was. He was so sorry that he couldn't ever be her knight in shining armor. He didn't want a princess to save, he wanted someone to stand beside him.

Mia had high standards and he respected that, but he couldn't fulfill them either. "I don't know Mia, about you or anybody else..." Last time he was serious, he was told he was too dangerous. "I guess you'll know when I do," he concluded with a small nod, glancing up at her. "Sorry to have bothered you," he said, turning and walking out of the shop.

[Mia Bell]

Mia sighed and looked at him “The last time I tried to love someone he ended up tearing my heart out and stopping on it. So I’m sorry if I’m more guarded than every else.” She just didn’t know much more she could take, she got that people were going to hurt her. But how was she suppose to go through it alone? She did like him for who he was, for some strange reason, even though she didn’t agree with a lot of things he was doing. She still had feelings for him, but through it all it just made her feel like she wasn’t good enough. She knew in the end, when he did figure things out that she wouldn’t be the person he wanted the most. Then again she believed that with everyone, so it was her not him. That she would own up to.

How was anyone supposed to know he wanted something more when he was with more than one person; dating more than one person just showed everyone else he didn’t want a commitment. If that wasn’t the case with Cameron, then he needed to openly say it. She gulped, which hurt thanks to her sore throat. What was she suppose to say to that? “Funny… Here I thought I was the one that wasn’t good enough..” She loved what he had done today to show her that he cared. But she just felt like she was always an afterthought, That he didn’t think about her till there was no one else to think about. Maybe Cameron bit off more than he could chew; maybe she was even helping him. She was just one less person for him to worry about now, right?

“Then, don’t you think you should take the time to figure it out? It seems like you have this unnecessary weight on your shoulders because of this..” She got that he wanted to just have fun, but at the same time he seemed to just be digging himself a hole. Last time she was serious, he cheated on her and then mentally tortured her. “Cam, wait!” She ran to catch up with him and grabbed him by his hand. “You sang me a song; I want to sing you one.” It wasn’t one she wrote herself but it described how she felt. “Please?”

[Cameron Osiris]

Cam sighed. "I'm sorry Mia, I had no idea." And he didn't, how would he? Mia didn't share anything with him. This was why Cam didn't want things getting serious with anyone. Who would he end up hurting? He wasn't going to make promises he couldn't keep, especially when he wasn't sure who he wanted to be with in the end.

Maybe Cam didn't know what he wanted. He wanted to date different people, but sometimes he also wanted a committed relationship. He wasn't sure anymore, and he didn't want to pick something because it was better than the other, he didn't know what he wanted anymore. Maybe he should stop dating altogether. Cam just sighed and shook his head. "Of course you're good enough Mia, you think I would do what I just did for anyone?"

"I can't help it." There. That was the pure and utter truth. What was someone supposed to do when they fell for everyone who gave them the time of day? He wouldn't have to go on dates with anyone and he'd still fall. He looked down at their hands and nodded a couple times. "Yeah okay," he said, but he couldn't say he was excited. Cam just wanted to go back to his dorm and hole himself up for a while. He wasn't good enough for anyone.

[Mia Bell]

Mia shook her head “It’s fine. And I know you didn’t.” She hadn’t expecting him to know about it. That’s why she told him. She didn’t share things with him because he never really asked personal questions. Which made her to believe he wasn’t interested in it.

Mia offered to help him to try and figure it all out with him. And that offer will always stand. She just wanted him to be happy, and she didn’t want him to have to settle either. She looked at him and sighed; she didn’t know what to say. “I… Don’t always feel like I’m good enough… “ She whispered, she was talking in general. She had obviously not been good enough for her last boyfriend and she wasn’t good enough for him to ask her out on another date either. She couldn’t stop thinking about him, what did that say though? Had she really gotten so dependent on him?

“And I can’t help that I’m really insecure so it seems we both have problems we need to own up to. Have you tried talking to someone about it?” But he was never going to be truly happy if he kept this routine up. She took a deep breath a little nervous of how this was going to end. She really didn’t want to lose him, that was the last thing she wanted. She tugged him to the back where the keyboards were and sat down on one of the benches in front of one of the keyboards. “Don’t think about anything while I sing this song. Just listen. I also apologize for my voice…” It seemed they both thought they weren’t good enough for anyone. Mia was always stuck in the friend zone or worse. But that was also her fault, she was just too complicated for anyone to want to figure her out or stick with her and she hated herself for it.

Mia cleared her throat; she knew her voice was going to sound scratchy. She started playing the song ‘lift me up’ and then soon started singing. “This road is anything but simple Twisted like a riddle. I've seen High, and I've seen low” Mia’s voice trailed through the room as she kept singing. No one was around to listen, but that didn’t mean the emotions weren’t there. When she was done she looked at Cameron and then held her hand up before he could say anything. For this to make sense she needed to explain. “From day one, you have always given me hope Cameron. You were the one who taught me that I needed to out run my fears, even though I’m still working on it. You have turned my ashes into flames, Cam. The past year before I moved to Hamel was the worst year in my life and you were the first true friend I had in a year. And your just the light that keeps me going Cameron. Yeah we’ve been through a lot of crap, even between us. But like the verse says. Everything that’s worth having comes with trials worth withstanding.” She looked at him and bit her lip “I don’t want to lose you… Maybe we aren’t meant to be more than friends, but I don’t want that to come in between our friendship and I’m sorry for how hard it’s been lately because I know it’s all my fault.” It was her own insecurity that kept her from making a move and she knew it. But now it was his turn to make a move.

[Cameron Osiris]

What was the point in asking when she didn't really answer? Mia couldn't assume Cam knew her heartache when he didn't know her heart because she wouldn't let him. He was interested, he just wasn't sure where was safe to tread.

Cam swallowed hard. "I don't ever want you to feel that way Mia. You're an amazing woman. You're good enough to write a song for and you're probly way too good for me." He smiled a little and and slumped in posture. He'd already hurt her before... and here he thought he was the one who wasn't good enough. "You're important to me Mia," he said directly. She just needed to know that, because maybe she wouldn't ask about it and he wasn't going to remember later. His natural glow emanated as he tried to express himself through the mix of emotions he was feeling.

Shaking his head no, Cam didn't think he needed help. He wanted to figure things out for himself and no one could tell him how to do that. He'd rather just talk to his friends directly. Sitting next to her on the bench, Cam looked at the notes she played and even though she only wanted him to listen to the words, he couldn't help but notice her pretty voice too.

Cam reached out to her to say something about how awesome it was that she was hopeful, that she was trying. That was what mattered. But she stopped him and he clamped his mouth shut. And while he listened, he knew that her saying all this was how she showed her strength and passion. Words meant everything to her. That's why he'd written her her very own song. He gulped hard. He never thought he could mean that much to someone. When he was sure she was done speaking, he cradled her face with his hand and smiled at her softly. "Thanks, for sharing that." He let his hand fall and took one of hers in his. "I'll always be there for you Mia, I'll always be your light. And it's not fair to you for me to be with a whole bunch of people. You're... I don't know, you should be with someone who's not like me." It wasn't her fault she got mixed up in all this. He wanted to make a move, but he didn't know what to say other than the obvious.

But he wasn't afraid of anything.

"I think I'm in love with you."

[Mia Bell]

Mia looked at him, “Than why are you just leading me on? You do things like this, that are great and lovely. But it doesn’t change the fact that the past month I felt like I wasn’t worth your time. How do I know that after today I won’t just become an afterthought again? I don’t want our relationship to be like this, where neither of us make a move to spend time with each other till one of us gets the nerve to do something as lovely as this and then it just becomes a cycle.” Even though they were just dating, they were still best friends… Did that alone not make Cameron want to try and spend more time with her? Was she expecting too much? Maybe. She shook her head “You’re important to me too.” She just had her doubts, and maybe he had his and maybe this was something they both needed to work on. But the only way they could solve this is if they talked about it and both owned up to it. She saw the glow around Cameron and smiled warmly. The question was, what did it mean? Was he upset? Or happy? She wished he would express his emotions with words.

If Cameron wanted to figure things out on his own then so be it. But Mia thought he would be better off with some kind of guidance and didn’t think his peers would be any help. At least with an adult they had already went through it, they been there and done that. Unlike their peers who were still going through their own relationship problems.

Words and action meant everything to her, if someone couldn’t back up their words with action than what was the point in saying it? She didn’t know how to handle something like this, she had mix feelings and mixed emotions; she just didn’t know what to do. “If you know it’s not fair, than why either do it or put me through it?” She looked at him “Am I not enough for you?” Because that’s what she thought. “I get that you like everyone and everyone likes you. But a friend once told me that just because you have a crush on someone doesn’t mean you should act on those feelings…” It really would save him a lot of time and stress if he kept to one person at a time.


Mia looked at him with wide eyes, and her jaw dropped a bit. “Your.. wait what?” She ran a hand through her hair, now she didn’t know what to say. “Cameron… How are you in love with me? We’ve only known each other for four months?” She didn’t get his feelings at all. How could he say he loved her when he didn’t really actively show it… She stood up and started pacing, what was she supposed to do with that information? “If you love me, than why don’t you actively show it?” Mia stopped pacing and looked at him. She had strong feelings for Cameron, and she got how much she meant to him “Cameron, I love all of this, I really do and I get that I mean a lot to you. And I really am an easy girl to please. And I really like you but my insecurities just aren’t letting me be at peace within the past month. And I just can’t keep up with you dating and fooling around with other people.”

[Cameron Osiris]

"I'm not leading you on," Cam insisted. Sometimes it was hard for him to even understand himself. "You are worth my time... I just like spending time with a lot of people and you don't seem to like bigger crowds. I wasn't trying to ignore you, I was trying to respect that." What? Did she want to go party with him and his friends? After what happened at the Farmer's Market, he seriously doubted that. He couldn't always explain things he himself didn't understand. If she wanted him, she would have to want him for all his faults as well.

"Okay... So I shouldn't bother." That was the message he was getting. Either give his all to her, or just stay friends. He could understand that, not everyone wanted to be someone he was dating or trying to figure things out with. Maybe Cam was just over eager in wanting to know everyone and always ended up falling right away. Unless intentions were made clear right away, he would take whatever he was given. "I usually do though..." He said in reflection. Indeed, words meant nothing without action and Cam was a take action kind of guy.

Visibly drooping once more, Cam found himself infuriated that she was trying to convince him out of what he knew to be true. "Should I be honest or not, because you said you wanted me to be honest and now you're telling me I'm not showing it. I have been showing it, this whole time. Don't blame me because you're afraid." He sighed, wishing he didn't sound so harsh but also upset that something he had just put out there was being chewed up and spat out alive. And if her insecurities were getting in the way... "I understand Mia," he said, even though he didn't. His voice was soft and he wished she could understand, but if that's what was preventing her, then so be it. He would be willing to put aside everyone else for one person, but no one wanted to be that person. He wasn't going to say all that just to be jipped out of seeing other people. That was her loss.

"We'll always be friends," he said, giving her a fond smile and standing up for the last time. "I should head back to the school." Cam wouldn't be doing anything like this again for a long, long time.

[Mia Bell]

Mia rolled her eyes and put her hands up defensively. “I’m sorry I didn’t realized I had to be part of a crowd to spend time with you.” Did he not get she didn’t want to be another person in the crowd? Well if he didn’t want to go out of his way to spend time with her like how she went out of her way to spend time with most of her friends one on one than that was his loss. No, she didn’t like crowds, and what was the point of being a part of a crowd? One person only had so much they could give in a crowd.

She looked down at the ground; it was obvious Cameron didn’t want to have anything serious with her. She didn’t know why she had to, she wasn’t the one dating more than one person. Her attention has always been on him. Mia looked at him “Maybe that’s part of your problem…” She couldn’t help someone who didn’t want the help. She wanted to help him figure things out, but she couldn’t date him and help him figure things out. She had already stated she would do her best to help him with it. But she couldn’t date him while helping him, because that wasn’t fair to her.

What did Cam knew to be true? Because it seemed like when it came to relationships, he knew very little. “I want you to be honest, but I can’t see how you can sit there and say you’re in love with me when you’re obviously interested in a bunch of people.” Mia looked at him sternly, she could hear the thunder, now she was infuriated. “You think you actually show you love me? When have you? Other than today? Because the way I see it is that you treat me just like everyone else. Does that mean you’re in love with everyone else too?” Because if he was, than what made those words special? Because they should be special. She took slow deep breaths as she closed her eyes, trying to calm down. She looked at him, how was she supposed to know that he would put aside everyone else for one person? And one person, that meant everybody, not her so really what was the point in being in love with her if he didn’t want to be with just her? And he never really showed her, he wanted to be with just her; even after what they had talked about he never once mentioned wanting something serious. So how would she ever know?

Mia smiled and then looked away from Cameron, would they really be friends after this? If they would, then their friendship would change, it didn’t seem like it would ever be the same. Mia coughed a bit and then nodded at Cam. “Alright, I have things to do around here.” Like, wipe down the guitar she had put away earlier, she really shouldn’t have touched it.