Another Day (Adrianna)

[Lani Hunter]

Two days directly following Secrets...

Lani wasn’t prepared for good news. He was dreading it more with every step. Pacing down the hall like a ghost he watched as Adrianna’s door came closer and closer. It was like his feet were working on their own. He was a mess. Face felt like a huge bruise from the combined efforts of Rhett and his boss. The cut from his boss’s ring was covered with a bandage because it was deep and seemed to refuse to stop bleeding. The rest of his body felt like a huge bruise. He had never been in so much pain in his entire life. And yet it was nothing compared to the pain in his heart and in his mind. He was half mad from the pain of using his power so much and that combined with the amount of pills he had taken put him in a strange limbo feeling. He was dreading what would happen when he knocked on that door.

He had knocked on Odion’s and gotten attacked. Flooded by anger and all of it he deserved. But Odion’s anger and rejection had hurt. Hurt more than he had thought it might. And now Odion was gone. Gone to France, apparently gone from Lani’s life. He had been meaning to go see Adrianna that night as well but he just hadn’t been able to do it. Not when Odion declared their friendship over. So he stood here. At the door of the woman whose life he had put in danger and he swallowed hard. He lifted his hand and knocked. He backed up a few steps just in case he was met with swinging limbs. He wouldn’t blame Adrianna. Odion’s reaction had been rather eye opening. Eye opening in the fact that he might really have lost everyone that mattered.

The door opened and catching sight of Adrianna Lani jumped into his apology before she could say anything. “Adrianna, I’m so sorry. I never meant for you to get involved. God, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?” He blurted out. “I… I lied to you. I lied to you about so much, and I’m so sorry. I lied and you got hurt. I never meant for this to happen. Adrianna, please believe me.” His voice finally failed him and it hitched as fresh tears threatened to spill out. He was breathing hard as if he had sprinted when really he had just spat all of that out without pausing for breath. He looked at the floor, not even brave enough to look her in the eye. He didn’t say what he wanted to say. He didn’t beg her not to leave him. He didn’t have that right. Adrianna had every right to scream at him, to hit him, to tell him how much he had ruined everything. She had found out all of his secrets all at once and without warning. She knew everything, but nothing. Lani hadn’t changed, he was still himself, but would she imagine all of that a façade as well?

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Had it only been two days? It felt like so much longer than that, sitting in her dorm night after night, jumping at every shadow and noise that she heard. Ever since she’d gotten kidnapped right out of her room, she had been more afraid at Hammel than ever before. Six years of security she’d felt at this school had been blown to hell when those thugs came thrashing into her room and took her without disturbing anyone. Where had everyone been when she was taken? Of course, she was glad that Levi hadn’t been in their room at that time because if he had, she didn’t know what would have happened. The only other person that seemed to notice her being taken had been Odion.

The debt she owed to Odion was tremendous and she was partly thankful for him being there that night. If he hadn’t been there, no one would have tipped Lani off so quickly and had no one known where she was, who knew if Lani ever would have found her. The two boys had come to her rescue and she had made it out safely. That didn’t mean she hadn’t gotten hurt though. Upon return, she’d gone to the infirmary because of dizziness and migraines. Turned out she got a concussion when those assholes had thrown her head first into the window of the van. She’d only spent the night in the infirmary once, and part of her wished that they’d have kept her both nights because her dorm terrified her now. Adri hadn’t slept at all since then and she wasn’t sure if she would ever be comfortable enough at Hammel to sleep.

And then there was Lani.

Another thing she’d been so scared of was him. Everything she thought she knew about Lani had been a lie. His past that he rarely spoke of consisted of stealing for those men. He had been so cold and distant when talking to his boss and she’d never seen him like that. It was all different. And now she didn’t even know where they stood. She hadn’t heard from him since he left her that night, whether he was angry with her for not doing anything or at himself for putting her in that position she wasn’t sure. Forty-eight hours and so much had happened. What if Lani didn’t want her anymore? That thought had coursed through her mind over and over again, yet no tears had fallen from her eyes. She was getting stronger, Adrianna still loved Lani, but she didn’t depend on him as much as she had. That didn’t mean she cared any less for him or even that she didn’t forgive him. If you really loved someone, you accepted all of them. And going through this with Lani, it had made her realize that she really did love him.

Adrian’s sketchpad sat on her lap and she flipped through the pages, her whole room was silent - a change from the usual pop music blasting as she danced along. She heard the knock and her whole body stiffened, jumping from the fear that spiked in her chest as her sketchpad fell off of her legs. Standing up, she bent over and picked it back up, setting it down on the bed as she made her way over to the door. She opened it slowly, afraid of what she might find, but as soon as her eyes connected with the cloudy gray eyes in front of her, the door swung open all the way.

Before she could even get in a word, he spoke fast and all of the apologies seemed to tumble out of his mouth. Her eyes stayed on him the entire time, slightly wide and just taking him all in. The cut he’d received was covered now, but she still saw the dark undertone of the bruises that covered him. Each bruise she saw had her heart contracting and thumping unevenly. His eyes filled with water as his sentences came to an end and she reached for him then. “Lani,” Her arms wrapped around his neck and her fingers began stroking the back of his neck as she laid his head on her shoulder. She made calm, soothing sounds for him and once his breathing began to slow, she pulled back only slightly. Her eyes snapped up to his as she tilted his chin up to meet her eyes. For a moment, she just looked at him and then she took a slight step back. “You should have told me. I knew you were keeping something back, but Lani this is a lot worse than I expected. I mean do you even know how hard it is being lied to by someone you think you know? Someone that you love?” Her voice broke on the last word and she took a deep breath to keep her own tears at bay. It was her turn to be strong for him.

[Lani Hunter]

Shame covered him like a cloak and he had dug this old hoodie out of his closet and had found comfort in the familiar smell of home and how the bagginess allowed him to hide in it. He had never been so emotionally crushed and it was only starting. Little did he know how much worse it would get as the days passed in monotony. Lani wanted to tell Adrianna everything. Every little detail he hadn’t told her. Everything. He wanted it to all just spill out. But he couldn’t find the words. How was he supposed to explain to her how he had failed so badly? He had spent all night awake half mad with tears and the other half tearing out his hair and wondering how many pills he would have to take to not wake up in the morning. How terrified she must have been? How could he even look at her? Why was this happening?

Lani would have found Adrianna even if they had held her in a basement in Montana. He would have found her. Or he would have paid to have her freed. Then he would be back into the vicious cycle again. He had not even stopped to make sure she was alright. He was such a terrible person! He had just run off as soon as they were safe. He hadn’t been right in the head that night. He was busy looking for the soul he had lost when they held that gun to his girlfriend’s head. And then he had just left her! How could he let that happen? How could he have let any of this happen!? He should have warned her… done something! Odion was right, he had screwed up, big time. And he didn’t know how to fix it. In fact he never knew how to fix any of his problems, he was so busy with other people’s problems he never fixed any of his own.

And now he was stuck in the ocean without a paddle calling out to Wilson like it was a prayer. He waited with bated breath for the door to open. What would Adrianna do? Would she be silent, would she scream? Would she slam the door? Slap him? Or simply stand there as if he were a stranger? All of the what ifs were crushing him. Better get it done before he lost his nerve and was too afraid to talk to her ever. Adrianna deserved the truth. He winced as he waited for the door. Perhaps she wasn’t there. Maybe she went back to California. He wouldn’t have blamed her. But he needed to talk to her. Tell her how he had lied when he had only a few weeks ago told her that he would always be there for her and take care of her. That he would never hurt her. Well good job, Lani, you failed that one rather epically.

She said his name and he flinched away as she reached for him bracing himself for a blow. He deserved one. But she wrapped her arms around him and embraced him. This was the one thing Lani hadn’t been prepared for. She touched the back of his neck and she laid her head on his shoulder. Lani couldn’t hold it in anymore. Tears started to fall and he let out a shaky sob that was a mix of confusion and relief. Thank god she had not rejected him! Her soothing sounds broke though any shields he had left and he was exposed for once he was the helpless one. She stepped back and he couldn’t look her in the eye. But she didn’t give him and choice. He met her warm brown eyes and lost it. His hands covered his face and he collapsed into sobs. He was ashamed, he was supposed to be strong but here he was breaking down completely in front of Adrianna. He nodded in acceptance of her words. He should have told her. What must she think of him? A broken man that she had thought she had known. “I’m so sorry,” he said again feeling as if his eyes might never dry.

“I should have told you, I should have warned you. God, Adrianna, I’m so sorry.” His heart hammered and he didn’t have a way to answer her questions. He had never been lied to, he was the liar. Now he just felt pathetic sobbing here in the hallway for anyone to see. He would understand if she never wanted to see his face again. But he was praying to anything that would listen that she wouldn’t. He didn’t reach out to her, he didn’t feel like he had the right. She had every right to leave him here to deal with his own mess. His legs were feeling weak and he was in serious danger of just collapsing. “I never meant for this to happen,” he repeated, “I’m still me. Adrianna… I…” His heart clenched and he cut himself off before he said it. You have no right to say that to her! The voice in his head roared at him. He had no right to say anything to her. “Please, Adrianna,” he begged despite his thoughts, “I wanted to protect you.” He also wanted her to like him, for who could love a lying thief?

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna wasn’t sure what to expect when she next saw her boyfriend. Would it be the same as before? There had been an urge to be angry with him in the beginning, but the more time that passed at diminished all anger she felt towards him and his lies. She would wait until he gave her his story and make the decision from there. When she opened the door, her surprise was brief as all of the other emotions came crashing down inside of her. Relief that he was there, happiness that he wasn’t angry with her for any reason, but there was also a sense of distance to her as she watched him. But that distance vanished as he broke under her touch.

Lani had never once cried in front of her. After what had happened with their fight, she still hadn’t seen him shed one tear. The closer she held him, the more it seemed that he crumbled. But it was when she stepped back that he truly felt apart. This was him. She was finally seeing the real Lani for all that he was. He’d finally let down his defenses and she was the one who was supposed to be strong for him. Had it been any time before this, Adrian wouldn’t have been able to keep from crying right along with him, but after everything she went through, she was strong enough to be there for him. Their roles were reversed and she had to do something. Her heart was breaking the more she watched him and she finally understood what it must have been like when he saw her during their first fight.

Every apology had her wanting to just comfort him and tell him everything was alright, but it wasn’t. And she couldn’t. He seemed to curl in on himself and it almost felt like he didn’t want to touch her because he was afraid of the rebuttal. Her lip trembled slightly the more he spoke, each word making her understand that he really did care about her and he was so scared of losing her. Lani was still Lani, he hadn’t changed, his life was just a little different than she had thought before. It was still her Lani. Gulping back the tears that were stinging under her eyes, she gently took his hands from his face and laced her fingers through them, hoping to give him a little of her strength as he had whenever she needed it. “Lani, sweetie, it’s alright. Calm down, I’m not going anywhere. She brought their entwined hands to her chest and stepped closer to him so that their faces were inches away.

Stretching up on her toes, she kissed him lightly on the lips, “I’m not going to leave you. I just wish you would have told me sooner. I know, I know, you feel this dire need to protect me, but Lani you have to let me help you, too. I can’t keep being the one that needs help, I want you to come to me if you ever need anyone.” She looked up at him, her eyes traveling from his lips to his eyes, “I love you so much, and I know you don’t feel it yet, but God Lani, I couldn’t even imagine leaving you.” Her forehead pressed against his and she squeezed his fingers.

“I’ve got an idea. How about just to get our minds off of the dark stuff, we have that race? Huh? It might help,” Adrianna suggested quietly as she met his eyes again, her fingers untangling themselves so she could brush away the tears under his eyes.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani’s heart was going through so much at the moment it was a wonder he didn’t fall to pieces. He had expected anger and been afraid of it but now she hadn’t greeted him with anger and he didn’t know what to do with it. Perhaps it would have been easier if she had screamed at him. It wouldn’t change the feeling but this, this quiet supportive Adrianna made his heart break because he had lied and hurt her and she was such a loving person that she either had already forgiven him or had never been angry in the first place. That made him feel worse, if that were possible. She was incapable of stooping to his level, and that was a very good thing, because despite the confusion he wasn’t sure he would have dealt with another rejection.

Men weren’t supposed to cry. They weren’t supposed to break like this. At least not in public. Leave him alone on his own and he would let his power trash his room and scream until he was hoarse and his eyes sore and aching from sobbing. Lani just wanted to be near her, she was all he had left, or so he thought. Friends have a strange way of appearing when one needs them the most. But his best friend had already severed his ties and Lani wasn’t sure if they would ever mend. It seemed to be too slow, the tears just wouldn’t stop coming. The emotion poured out of him like a broken dam and not all the power in the world could hold it back now. He was so disillusioned to everything. Reality had come crashing through his walls and his lies shattered but not before the shards ripped into him and left deep scars.

Lani resisted at first when he felt her hands on his. He couldn’t bear for her to see him like this, he didn’t want to be exposed. He was a turtle having retreated into his shell and he didn’t want to be coaxed out again. But her soft hands on his gave him comfort and relief so strong his heart throbbed and with every pump it sent jolts of harsh pain that though he hadn’t lost his girlfriend he had lost his best friend. One was more able to forgive than the other. What did that mean? And why did Lani still feel as if Atlas had tricked Lani into taking his load? He slowly let her removed his hands his face grimly set and his eyes half closed and his eyebrows almost touching in the middle. He took in sharp breaths as they came between the sobs as he listened to her. Her words laced around him like a warm blanket and he let himself fall into her comfort. He wanted to believe her, he really did, but how could anything be alright, ever? Adrianna knew his real face and Odion probably would never speak to him again. It was only a matter of time. But then, she said she wasn’t going anywhere.

The kiss was something that Lani could only bear for a few moments before he let himself crumple and his head dropping down onto her shoulder. How strange, a man, no, a boy, taller than this woman was sobbing into her shoulder. Her words felt like a scold as much as they felt comforting. He nodded into her shoulder and squeezed her hands as if afraid to let go in case she would disappear. He moved his head to look at her as his sobs came under control. He listened to her and he shook his head at her and bit his lip. “I know,” he whispered, “I need help.” There, he said it. Lani Hunter admitted that he was not strong enough to carry his own burdens. His moist cheeks were chilled in the air and that woke him a little. He looked her in the eye, an act that was almost painful, and he shook his head. “Thank you, thank you,” he told her relief more than plain on his face. “Adrianna, I’m a poor excuse for the man you deserve,” he said his face contorted in pain, “But I think… I think I felt it all along. I’m just so stupid.” He shook his head again and pulled her closer wanted to feel her, to make sure that this wasn’t an illusion.

Lani looked at her and contemplated her suggestion. Lani wasn’t really in the mood for a race, but Adrianna had a point. It would take their minds off of it. Things always made sense on the track. She touched his face and brushed at his tears and he suddenly remembered they were there. He backed away ashamed that she had seen him this way and wiped his eyes on his sleeve surprised at how wet they had come away. He turned back to her, not looking much better, but at least there were no longer tears dripping off of his lashes. “I’m so sorry,” he repeated as if he couldn’t say it enough, “No, yes, that might help,” he agreed and he found himself clinging to her. Lani really wasn’t thinking about winning or losing he was just so glad Adrianna hadn’t shunned him.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Anger didn’t solve anything in Adri’s eyes. It only caused more pain for both of them. She had been angry before, furious because he hadn’t told her. But she hadn’t asked either. She knew he’d been hiding something, but still couldn’t bring herself to actually ask him about it. It was all because she’d been so scared that if she asked he’d leave her. She just hadn’t been able to push him away like that. In the end she figured it was probably for the best that she didn’t ask and now that she knew it was best to keep a level head. Anger would only make this harder.

Adrianna was actually relieved to see him like this, to feel so awful about what he did. Everyone was supposed to cry, even the strongest of men cried. If Lani felt like he could open up like this to her than they finally were equals. She’d opened up to him early on, but never regretted it. She’d always wanted him to feel comfortable enough to open up to her and now that he seemed to be, it was worth the wait. The way he was right now was exactly how she’d been at their first fight. The unstoppable tears, the fear of losing someone, it was overwhelming and she understood how hard it was.

She felt him hesitate when she started to pull his hands from his face and instead of forcing him, she just held his hands there until he was ready. He was her hero, the one that was always strong for her and this was new to both of them. Once he was ready, she moved his hands away from his face and just looked at him, watched him. This was her Lani, the one she’d been trying to reach all along. He looked so afraid and vulnerable, just as she had felt when Rhett barged into her life again. It was new in one aspect, but in a way she understood the crushing feeling, the way it felt as if someone was literally squeezing her heart as hard as they could until it popped. She’d felt it so many times in her life. The day she found out her mother was sick, the day her mother told her about her biological father and the day that Rhett had planted those thoughts in her mind. The only thing that had gotten her through those things was the reassurance from those she loved.

His head fall onto her shoulder and she rubbed the back of his neck like she always did. Stroking the fine hair at the back of his neck, while she spoke. It came off in a slightly frustrated tone because she was a little frustrated. She just wished he would stop trying to protect her from everything. Ever since their fight, she’d built up a strong forefront and was working on taking care of herself for a change. Soon enough, she wouldn’t’ be able to rely on her mother to be there and depend on her. And she didn’t want to always rely on Lani, she wanted the option to, not the need to. She felt the pressure on her hands and looked at him once he lifted his head up. The three words he uttered sent a bolt of relief through her. He had finally admitted to her that he needed help. She finally felt that he needed her now instead of the other way around. But as he continued to speak she shook her head at him. “Lani you are not a poor excuse, you’re more of the man I deserve than I’ve ever had before,” Adri said quietly, but once he continued her eyes snapped up. Had she heard that right? He pulled her close and she tightened her arms around his neck, “You’re not stupid.”

The suggestion had been a spur of the moment thought. Running always made her block out all of the problems she had. Dancing seemed to help her face those problems head on, but she didn’t want that. All she wanted was to help Lani clear his mind and maybe, if it was even possible, she wanted to see him smile again. It had been longer than a week since she’d seen her boyfriend really smile. Once he backed away she dropped her hands and folded them behind her back while she waited for him to compose himself. He turned back to her and apologized again. The way he came back to her and just held on for what seemed like dear life was so different, but she was so happy to have him.

“How about we change the bet up a bit? Instead of you dressing up like a girl, if I win…you give me the biggest, prettiest smile you have?” Adrianna asked in hopes of lightening up the mood a little.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani was taking peeks here and there at Adrianna checking her face every so often to see how she was taking this. There was no anger and Lani felt waves of relief and they almost washed him away again. He needed to not get swept away when he was so unstable. Focus. But on what? He didn’t have any projects, no jobs, nothing. Absolutely nothing. Of course he was forgetting the work that he could do on his relationships. But at this moment beyond knowing that Adrianna was here for him he wasn’t much for human contact. It was really a good thing he hadn’t come across an empathy recently or else that poor someone would be just as out of sorts as Lani was. Or at least more than those that should know would know how out of sorts he was.

Lani couldn’t see this situation far into the future he was just focused on the here and now and the fact that at this moment he had someone here. Someone he could lean on. But the thoughts of the yelling that had torn a rift in the only thing still connecting Odion and himself snuck in now and again. He hated for her to see him this way. He felt so pathetic, how could he have fallen so far. Adrianna was here, he should be happy but the flame that was kindling in his heart was drowned out by what he had done to her. How broken she must think him. Lani felt as if he would never by happy again, but this acceptance of him, of everything that defined him made him drunk on hope and though it wasn’t happiness in the way most people defined it, that was driving his will to live now. This strange depressive happiness. It was like that joy when a good friend gets what they want but at the expense of what you want. It was a strange feeling.

Adrianna was really too good for him. The way she didn’t try to pry his hands away spelled that. He felt his heart growing toward her. Well rather the shards were seeking her. The movement was painful because he knew he didn’t deserve this. He deserved to be hated for the liar that he was. But he was thanking any spirit that would listen for the chance to prove himself to Adrianna. That she loved him enough not to leave him. His heart was twitching and though it felt like a mass stuck with icy glass the feeling she was giving him was melting these shards but the glass remained. Lani had never been so exposed and he wasn’t sure how to deal with that either. He wanted her support but in his mind it all felt warped to him. He was supposed to be the one that took care of people, he didn’t need people to take care of him. But he did. Oh god, he did more than ever. It was a humbling experience but seeing her as an equal was worth it.

His skin tingled as she rubbed his neck and he could feel the anxiety slipping off of his shoulders at her soothing touch. Lani shook his head at her and his breath caught. He had hurt her and still she was trying to make him feel better. When he said he needed her it had been harder that she could possibly know to admit. He had never said that to anyone, not his parents, not anyone. He would have said those words to Odion, if pride had let him, pride and if Odion had been willing to hear such a thing. He bit his lip as he tried to run in his mind away from the words ringing in his ears about what they had said last. For some reason her words made his tears come with more force. How was it that she still accepted him after all he had done. That was love. Love. Lani examined his heart as his tears slowly subsided. Love? He asked it. Its only response was the pulse with pain and was otherwise silent. That was unhelpful. He nodded to himself, it had to be love. He held her tight but finally lifted his head and shook it. “No, I am,” he said softly, “For not seeing… for not trusting you.”

Lani took a shaky breath and worked on calming himself down. He used the breathing exercises they had taught him, mostly for when he woke up from a nightmare and though he was drowning again. He used those, they worked well enough. At least now he could swallow his tears. Running, he could do running. Running was physical and he could do something physical far better than he could mentally at the moment. “I won’t lie to you again,” he promised as he held her close. Silence followed and Lani in his madness didn’t even notice the passing of time until Adrianna was speaking again. Bet? It took his mind a little while to sift through his memory to the bet he had made with her. Had it really been that long ago? He was glad she had suggested the change, because even in good humor that would have been hard to get him to do, but now… now he couldn’t even be moved to think about it. But what she suggested was going to prove to be just as difficult. Provided he lost. He nodded. “Agreed,” he said his voice sounding flat next to her enthusiastic voice.

He took her hand, not wanting to let go of the one person who seemed to have no abandoned him. He wasn’t thinking of all the other people who had touched his lives since he had come here. Everything in his mind was so immediately important, if not so focused on Adrianna and Odion he may have remembered that he had friends elsewhere, but at the moment his mind was so narrowly focused it was shocking he could even be aware that time was passing. He looked down at himself he wasn’t too keen on changing but if they were to race perhaps Adrianna would want to. He tugged at her hand uncertain and feeling rather like a puppy who didn’t know which way was outside. “Adrianna,” he said suddenly as if something urgent had just stuck him, “Thank you, I don’t know what I would have done if you… too.” He winced at the memory and in fear of breaking down again he pinched his nose.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna could almost feel the tension slide off of him as she tried so hard just to make everything better. She hated that he was so upset and she just wanted him to hurt less. She hadn’t heard about the argument that passed between him and Odion, she didn’t know what else he was going through, but she just wished that she could make all of it go away. As much as she was glad he finally saw her as an equal and was sharing so much emotion with her, she missed her happy boyfriend. Part of her wondered if he’d have been happier if she never found out about him. Of course she wouldn’t like him keeping things from her, but it was almost worth seeing him smile. His tears came harder and her eyebrows pulled together as she continued to try to stay strong for him. The more tears that he shed, the more they threatened to spill from her own eyes.

His words only made her more hurt because she finally understood how much he seemed to care for her. Maybe he hadn’t said he loved her before, but that didn’t matter as long as he cared about her. Pressing her forehead to his, she sighed, “This makes us even then. My trust for you faltered because of Rhett and you didn’t tell me this because you weren’t sure if you could trust me with it. They cancel each other out. Lani it’s okay to be afraid of trusting someone with something that important.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked into his eyes. “Just because you didn’t tell me doesn’t make you stupid,” Adrian said firmly. Him downing himself would only make her frustrated because she knew he was a good person, even if he didn’t realize it.

She watched him intently, just to be sure he wouldn’t break again. It was official, she hated seeing Lani so upset and she never wanted to be the cause of it. She buried her face in the side of his neck and just hugged him for as long as she could. Honestly, she never wanted to let him go. Not now, not ever. Tightening her grip she kissed his shoulder and nodded, “Ditto.” Adrianna didn’t mind just being with him like this. Both of them were hurt and battered from the previous events and all she wanted to do was make him feel better. Herself, she could handle that later, Lani was her first priority now. When he agreed, she looked up at him and kissed his lips lightly, “It won’t be so hard sweetie. Just think of something that makes you happy.”

Adri felt his hand grip hers and she hugged his arm tight, giving him a half smile. It was forced, but at least it was a start. She wasn’t sure when they’d both get back to that relaxed stage in their relationship, but she hoped desperately that it was soon because she missed being happy around him all the time like she had been before. But it wouldn’t last long, she knew that soon they’d go back to being like they were and everything would get better from there. Her name out of his mouth caught her attention as well as the slight tug on her hand. Her eyes met his again and she tilted her head as she waited. He was thanking her for not leaving? She laced her fingers through his, “You don’t have to thank me. Everyone makes mistakes and I’m sure you’d do just fine without me.” Her head dipped slightly and she looked into her dorm room, then down at her clothes.

It wasn’t exactly running attire, but she didn’t want to change because that would mean she’d have to let go of her boyfriend. The very thought of separating from him even just to change had her stomach twisting. Biting her lower lip, she sighed. “The whole racing thing requires changing, but I…I don’t really want to l-let go…” Her voice was unsure and timid. There was a solution to this dilemma, but she wasn’t sure if they were at that point in their relationship really. How would he react to seeing her change? It wasn’t as if she’d be nude or anything, it’d be like a bathing suit really, but still.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani stubbornly dried his eyes. Little did he know that this was only the start of a dark and confusing week. So much was happening all at once and he hadn’t even had a chance to really think about how his life had changed in that small amount of time. It was so strange to think that it had actually happened. Lani spent half the time thinking he would wake up and this would be a nightmare, but even this dark cloud of a nightmare had a silver lining. He was free. He looked up at her as she spoke. How did this make them even at all? Her lie hadn’t almost gotten him killed. It hadn’t gotten him kidnapped and scared out of his mind. It didn’t make sense the excuses she was making for him. “But I should have,” he insisted closing his eyes, “I should have known…” He refrained from saying he didn’t think she could handle it, what would that sound like?

“But what does it make me?” He choked out his eyes dropping, “If not stupid than a coward.” Sure he was downing himself but he felt like he deserved it. He wasn’t worthy of the title of hero anymore. He had never though he was before but now he was sure. Perhaps not villain either. Was there something in between? Maybe that was it. He was a thief, not good not evil just neutral. Adrianna’s arms around him were so soothing to his heart that he was slowly learning to stand again. His mind still lurked in the dark parts and but he was able to ignore that for a moment and make himself relatively able to stand on his own. When he was able it was better, leaning on other people was strange, but how strange was it that he hadn’t even realized that that was what he was doing all along until suddenly there was nothing.

He leaned into her hug and rested his head on top of hers and she rested against his neck. Being able to be with Adrianna and having her not hate him was more of a relief than he had ever imagined. He hadn’t been expecting this, he had been expecting something similar to his meeting with Odion. Full of harsh words and things made to push someone away. And now with the promise of honesty Lani was starting to think that things might be alright between them. His heart throbbed and told him to stop fooling himself. Things would never be alright again, she would always remember what his lies had done and he would always come up with some excuse to keep something from her again. Be it protecting her or even under that disguise but protecting himself it would happen. He had learned his lesson but trust was something he was giving her now and it was because of her acceptance. Lani’s heart took a painful leap as she kissed him. He would try to smile, for her.

Adrianna had been more than understand, she was a saint. Lani had to thank her. It was only right. He shook his head. “I do,” he insisted and then his eyes lowered. He wasn’t so sure he would have been fine without her. “How can you say that?” He asked a little hurt and confused by that comment. How could she say he didn’t need her, when right now she was all that was keeping him from falling to pieces. Sure he might eventually have been fine without Adrianna but what would have changed in Lani in that time made him shudder. He might have left Hammel for good and finally fulfilled his role to become a hermit in the middle of nowhere far from people who could hate him for himself and from those who would want him for his power. She did have a point, everyone made mistakes. It was really just that most people didn’t make super huge mistakes.

Lani’s lips attempted a smile and perhaps there was one for a flicker of a moment. He should probably change, it wouldn’t do him well to get sick because he was running in the middle of summer in a hoodie and jeans. She sounded like she agreed but there was just a bit of nervousness in her voice. Lani read between the lines and gave her a kiss as he untangled his fingers from hers. “Go, I’ll meet you downstairs.” Lani didn’t want to push it, not when he was feeling like this, perhaps if this were any other time it would be a big problem but Lani didn’t want to make her uncomfortable. He gave her an encouraging nod and what he hoped was a smile and turned to go to his own room. Once there he changed into shorts and a t-shirt. He took a moment to examine his bruises, a great many of them were still invisible but a few showed on his forearms and shins. Oh well, it would have to do. He stuck on his toe shoes and wiggled his toes feeling the freedom before he quickly left so not to dwell too much on the brief loneliness. He leaned against the wall by the stairs and waited.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna knew her attempt at saying it was even would fail. It didn’t make them even, not at all, but she really just didn’t want Lani feeling bad about what happened. It was in the past and there was nothing he or she could do to take it back and make it happen differently. What Lani didn’t seem to realize was that what had happened was strengthening their relationship, at least it was strengthening her side of the relationship. It made her see what was underneath all of his joking exterior, the masks that he put up. Adri wasn’t sure if she’d ever be able to cheer him up, not after what was happening. She wasn’t that good at making people feel less guilty or happier when she tried. Sighing lightly, she shook her head, “If everything was based off of should haves then I’d be just as at fault as you.”

What did it make him? “Human, Lani. It makes you human.” Her hand came up to her forehead and she ran her fingers through her hair, frustration setting in. “Being vulnerable and afraid of the outcome doesn’t make you a coward either. Dammit Lani. Why don’t you see how amazing you are? I mean for God’s sake you really don’t see it!” She said softly making the words less aggressive than they were meant to be. Honestly the one thing that bugged her the most was when people couldn’t see the good in themselves. She had moments where her insecurities made it difficult to see the positives in herself, but she knew there were some good things about her. Why was it so difficult for him to see what she saw in him?

Adrianna was comforted by his arms around her and his head resting on the tops of hers. She’d had plenty of time to think of what her reaction to Lani would be. At first she had planned out a number of things to say out of anger, but the more she thought about it the less she felt angry with him and the more she thought that it would only hurt her if she hurt him. Did he deserve harsh words? Maybe. But he was making up for it now and she couldn’t have said them even if she really had wanted to. It didn’t matter that he’d screwed up, what mattered to her was that he’d gotten out from under that awful man that had threatened to kill her.

At his insistence, her mouth quirked up on one side and she accepted it without being too stubborn. But his question had the half smile fading quickly. Adri wasn’t sure why she’d said it, but she knew it was true. Lani was independent, he had been long before he met her. He was capable of getting over her faster than she’d be able to get over him. The edge of pain in his voice had her unable to speak through the tightness of her throat. “You know it’s true. You’ve always been so independent, it’s like you don’t need anyone. I’m not saying it wouldn’t hurt for a couple days, but you’d get through it. You’re plenty strong for that,” She whispered as tears filled her eyes. But what would she have been like if they’d broken up even after something like this? The images that filled her mind were brutal and scary, causing her heart to beat painfully and her throat to tighten more.

The flicker of a smile was there and it cleared her mind of all the horrible thoughts. Even the briefest of smiles from him made her happy. The nerves that took over her voice were caused by the fear of being alone again. Lani would be right downstairs, but that fear that was embedded within her was strong enough to come up with scenarios where he couldn’t save her. The kiss didn’t help, surprisingly, it just made her want to stay with him more. Attempting to push back the fear, she hugged him tight before turning to her dorm and watching him go down the hallway. She took a deep breath and got dressed quickly, short shorts and a bright colored tank top. When she realized how much skin she was showing, she wondered if it was a good idea. There were bruises on her as well, some darker than others, not nearly as many as she was sure Odion or Lani had, but enough to remind her of what happened. Turning away from the mirror, she pulled her hair over to the side and put it in a ponytail as she walked downstairs. As soon as she saw him, her feet moved a little faster and brought her closer to him in a shorter amount of time. “Okay. Ready.”

[Lani Hunter]

Lani’s eyes closed as he rested his head against hers. Why was this so hard? Why was this emotion so heavy and so painful? He could ask why until he was old and decrepit but he was sure he would never get an answer to such an age old question. He didn’t seem to be very keen on his old saying of what will be will be, he wanted so badly to go back and change it, he wanted to make this different. But what was done was done, that was it. He just couldn’t imagine that this wasn’t the end of life as he knew it. But the people around him were proving to be stronger than he had imagined. Especially Adrianna, the fact that she hadn’t shed a tear was impressing him, he would have imagine that if she did accept his apology there would be two people uselessly crying in the hallway not just one. He looked at her and shook his head, “No, no. Adrianna, don’t think like that.” Lani paused, “Maybe we can look to the future instead of the past?”

Human, Lani bit his lip and he was honestly a little stunned by her sudden outburst of frustration. Lani shifted his eyes dropping to his feet, he really couldn’t think about how anyone could think that of him, especially now, no he was no better than the common thief looking out for his own well being. Human, he was just human, Lani’s delusions of grandeur had been washed away before but now the fact of his own mortality was starting to get to him. He shook his head, “No I think I’m seeing clearly for the first time. Adrianna, you just said it yourself. I’m human, not anything more, but you’re forgetting what it is that I really am.” He looked up at her and his voice volume dropped significantly as he told her this if an eavesdropper was listening they would have had to be in Adrianna’s position right now to hear. “Adrianna I’m a thief, and I can’t ignore that anymore.” It was part of who he was and he had hidden it so well, but now it was there right in everyone’s face.

Here in Adrianna’s arms he felt better. It was nice to know that people were still here for him. This was just a waking nightmare, maybe one days he’d finally awaken and things would be alright again. Not likely but hey it was something to dream about. He hated himself for what he had put her through and her compliments were making that hard to deal with. Not only had she thought so highly of him and he betrayed her but she still thought so highly of him. It made the fact that he had betrayed her all the worse. His heart broke a little more and the somewhat whole pieces clenches. There were already so full of glass and ice but now they were driven deeper and he had to bite hard on his tongue to stay the flow of more tears.

Lani shook his head in denial. He didn’t want to be told he could do it on his own right now. Maybe that was what he needed. He had been so focused on other people’s problems that he hadn’t given much focus to his own. Because he could fix them on his own, but now when he thought he might need help to fix it Adrianna was telling him he could do it on his own. That translated in Lani’s mind to he had to do it on his own. These were his problems and while Adrianna would be there he had to fix himself, no one could do it for him. He wrapped his arms around her. “I need you,” he said his voice soft and almost a whimper. She wasn’t abandoning him but he didn’t want her to give up on his either. Sure she had a point, he would probably be alright given the time but he didn’t want to be strong right now, he wanted to wallow in his pain and he wanted to fall to the ground and scream at the universe. But these things he couldn’t do, because he was strong and he knew the truth in her words. It wasn’t about what he wanted so much as what he needed to do.

Lani saw her and pushed himself off of the wall. He reached for her hand and as he grabbed it he noticed the bruises. He lifted her arm and looked closely at it. He growled low, he might as well have been the one to give that to her. “I’m so sorry,” he said softly and tore his eyes away from that bruise to another. They didn’t look very bad, but then Lani’s didn’t look that bad anymore either. They were healing but that didn’t mean they weren’t painful. He sighed and had the passing thought that he had better win because he wouldn’t be able to smile after seeing that. “Alright, let’s go.” He stuck close to her his hands entwined in hers. The sun was a little too bright and it contrasted the darkness surrounding Lani. He squinted at it a little resentful. He had had his blackout curtains pulled for the past couple days and he was starting to forget that the sun existed. The track appeared and Lani sighed with relief. It appears that someone had fixed it from the last time he was here.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adri’s eyes slid shut along with his and she sighed lightly. She’d dealt a lot with this sort of emotional turmoil. Maybe not to the extent that Lani was dealing with it, but she’d had her fair share of abandonment from people that mattered to her. When she lost Craven, it had taken all she had to get out of bed every morning and try to live a normal life. Losing a best friend, one that you’ve completely let in, is as hard as losing someone you truly love. It turned even the most social people inside out and crushed them. Adrian had lived it. It was rather surprising to her that she wasn’t crying along with him because she’d always been an emotional wreck during these sorts of situations. But the reason she hadn’t collapsed into tears was because she knew she wasn’t losing Lani and because she had grown stronger throughout the few months she’d dated him. He’d always been strong for her and she was just returning the favor, though a few times she’d come close to letting the tears in her eyes fall. As much as she wanted to tell him she’d keep talking like that if he did, she nodded, “Probably would be a good idea. It’s not like we can change anything that happened.”

What a lot of people didn’t realize about Adrianna was that she could get a little scary if she was pushed to the point of being angry or frustrated. She hadn’t meant to snap at Lani because she knew it was hard, but it crushed her whenever he said something bad about himself. Her lower lip trembled as he spoke and her jaw set stubbornly. A thief? Yes, occupationally he was a thief, but he still didn’t see what she did. He didn’t see a person that was strong for everyone he cared for and was always worried about other people’s problems instead of his own. No matter what, she’d always think of him as her hero. “You act as if that’s all that defines you as a person! Lani you’re nothing like those men that you worked for. I mean you had to have had a legitimate reason to start stealing because you’re not one of those types that would just start stealing randomly because it was fun. Maybe that’s why you do it now, but I won’t believe that you started out that way,” She said as sternly. “And don’t twist my words of telling you that you’re human into something that makes you sound worthless. You don’t need super powers to be someone’s hero, ya know.” Her voice was still just as soft, hardly anything that would be construed as frustrated showed in it. But she was incredibly frustrated with him.

As nice as it was to be comforting him and being comforted by him, the frustration was still there. She knew exactly how he was perceiving this and it was just wrong. What he didn’t seem to understand was that she’d been put through worse by others. Of course the lie was wrong and not something he should have done, but it was nothing compared to him bolting on her when she loved him so much. Things could have been much worse between them and it was like he didn’t see that. If he’d left her, then she’d have a reason to think no better of him than her father, but he hadn’t. Despite everything that was happening between them, he’d stayed with her and that was all she could ask for from him.

Adrianna placed her hands on the side of his face as he shook his head to stop him and curled her fingers in his short hair. Lani was a strong man, one that she believed could do anything, and getting over this setback was one thing she knew she couldn’t help him with. Would she have liked to take away all of his problems? Of course! She hated the fact that she couldn’t. But this was something he did have to do on his own because there was nothing she could do to make it better. “Lani,” She whispered softly as she pressed her forehead against his. “I’m thankful that you need me as much as I need you, I am, but sweetie, you know that I can’t make all of the bad things in our lives disappear. Hell I wish there was a power that could do that, but there isn’t.” She stroked his hair gently and looked into his eyes, “I’m not saying you have to go through this alone, not at all. I’ll be here to do whatever I can to help, just like you’ve been there for me.”

When he took her hand, she saw him glance down at her bruises. She let out a sigh and frowned, “You didn’t do this to me, so don’t apologize. You have worse than I do, so just don’t.” Her voice was quiet and controlled, and her eyes were just as warm as always. She wrapped her arms around his and kept her fingers laced with his. Leaning into him for the support, all of her emotional strength having been drained, she walked with him out to the track. It was bright, just as bright as it had been when she’d gotten taken, but before that thought wandered, she shook it off. Once they were next to the track, her mind instead wandered to the first time she’d been here with him. A smile touched the corners of her mouth, but just barely as she thought back to laying on the grass with him. The smile slipped from her face as she tried to figure out what to do, what to say. “Remember the last time we were here? When you first heard me snort when I laughed?” She asked in a sort of daze as she thought of it, she wished so much for it to be like that again.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani knew it wasn’t fair, not to her for him to be dumping all of his baggage on her. She had been abandoned like this before, but Lani had never imagined that he might be left behind. But what Lani couldn’t fathom was how Adrianna could take that and meet new people and fall in love. Lani had been well off before and even he couldn’t even admit that his feelings were confused to the maximum. He wanted so badly to tell her that he loved her, but even now he was afraid. He was just as amazed as she was, but he was so grateful, because if she had broken down as well he would have been a mess trying to pull his emotions back and focus on hers and trying to make her feel well again. She was stronger than when he had met her, how had he missed this? Something was different from the beginning and it was the strength to look out for herself as well as others. Lani attempted another smile with not very good results, but he nodded in agreement. “Right,” said Lani looking at the insides of his eyelids.

Lani had to admit he was surprised by her outburst and it really knocked around the marbles in his brain kicking him into gear. “Doesn’t it?” Lani shot back unintentionally sharp. He shook his head in denial. Lani was not better than the rest of them, he would through and through always chose the path of least resistance even if it meant giving something up. He listened to her and he closed his eyes tears slipping out, because she was right. Why did it hurt so badly for her to tell him he was a good person? Shouldn’t that make him feel better? Shouldn’t that create a sense of peace in him? But no, it struck at his heart because he still felt like he was lying to her, only the lies were coming out of her lips and she believed them as if they were truth. He sighed and hung head as she drove her points home. He looked up at her timidly as she kept going. So maybe she wasn’t abandoning him but she was certainly making sure that he understood a few things before they moved on. He swallowed and blinked his eyes dry; he was not going to lose it again.

He shook his head a little and the nodded when he was unable to find anything to dispute. He wanted to tell her about Caroline, but he didn’t want her to tell him that he was a hero. “No when I was little, it was for good reasons,” Lani said softly, “But you’re right, I do it for fun now. And that is what defines me.” He needed her to know that he had stolen her heart but now that he had it he didn’t know what to do with it, he just didn’t want to break it. But she needed to know that Lani hadn’t changed. This was him. Wholly. This is the man that was hidden behind the masks of arrogance and joking. Lani couldn’t imagine leaving Adrianna, he hadn’t even expected being able to keep being with her. No Lani couldn’t leave her, not like this.

Her hands on his face were smoothing and the way her fingers worked into his hair was more soothing than he had ever hoping. His heart stilled its painful beat and he held his breath. She was close and Lani slowly opened his eyes to look into her warm brown eyes. They were so innocent and even now after what had happened they were not disillusioned to him. He closed his eyes and sighed in acknowledgement. She was right, there was no way to make them all go away. The demons, or the problems. But the real problem was that she now knew he had all of these problems, all of these scars and wounds. He wrapped his arms around her no wanting to let go, he leaned forward and kissed her, her lips were sweet and they soothed his heart but not before hitting it with an initial sting. “Thank you,” he whispered as they parted.

Lani opened his mouth to protest, but he had done this to her. What did it matter that he had it worse, he should. He should have taken every one of her blows too. He should have been there. He squeezed his eyes shut, God he should have been there. He should have been her shield. All these things he wanted to say but when he opened his mouth no sound came out. “But…” he finally was able to get out, “They… it’s my fault they did this.” He reached for one of her bruises but his hand fell before it reached it. Her being so close was comforting and Lani leaned on her just as much as she leaned on him. Lani blinked in the harsh sunlight having been in darkness the light hurt. His mind recoiled from the sun and hissed at it refusing to feel the hopeful feeling that the sun could bring. Lani nodded and twitched a smile across his face. “I remember. I knew I was falling for you right then and there.” He scanned the track with a grim expression on his face. Lani wished so badly to laugh and to hear her laugh again. The track appeared and stepping on it Lani hesitated.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

She hadn’t meant to make him snap at her, and in return she cringed away from him. Her lower lip trembled and she shook her head, “No. It doesn’t.” She didn’t have anything else to add because she was getting more and more drained as the frustration got to her. It almost felt like overuse of her power, all of her energy draining from her body, making it hard for her to fight back. She didn’t know why he couldn’t just accept what she saw. Why couldn’t he see that he was a good person? Tears slid down his cheeks and she wished that she could take back what she was saying, but all of the pent up frustration and anger that she’d felt before was being let out by telling him this. If she didn’t, it would only make her more likely to snap at him and for her words to become much more harsh.

“Bull shit. It shouldn’t define you. If all of our mistakes defined us then that would make me the most weak person of all. Gullible and a total pushover. Is that what you want me to see myself as? Because Lani by you saying that being a thief, a thief like those men, defines you…it would be like me telling you that I’m worthless. Think of how you’d feel if that’s how I saw myself, do you understand where I’m coming from?” She asked softly. Her frustration had turned to desperation. All she wanted was for him to understand. All he had to do was see that he wasn’t as horrible as he thought. Maybe she’d get through to him, but at this rate she doubted it.

Adrianna’s heart felt like it too was taking a beating. Not like his, but because of his. All the pain he felt made her hurt and she just wished that he wasn’t so sad. She missed her happy Lani. When his arms wound around her, she pulled herself close to him and kissed him back. The taste of his lips and the soothing comfort of his embrace had her heart beating fast, but it wasn’t as painful as before. Of course it still ached for him, but it wasn’t as noticeable now. She hugged him tight when they parted and rested her cheek against his shoulder, “I love you, Lani.” Adri didn’t care if he said it, she didn’t care if he felt it, she just wanted him to know that despite everything she did love him.

Seeing him about to protest she looked straight into his eyes. Why did he always have to argue it? Neither of them had deserved to be beaten like they had been. Not her, not him and not Odion. But all of them had. That was just what happened and there was nothing Lani could do to take away the physical evidence of what had happened. She pressed her finger to his lips and shook her head, “They did this because they’re cruel and manipulative. They knew it would hurt you, that’s it. Stop blaming yourself.” She hugged his arm tight and looked up at the sunlight. It wasn’t as comforting as it had once been. Looking up at him as he answered, her smile returned faintly. “I think it was when you were talking about Boston when we were laying in the grass that I realized I really liked you. Hearing you talk about your home, it was nice,” She said softly as she watched him. “C’mon Lani, it’s supposed to help get our minds off of the bad.”

[Lani Hunter]

Lani sighed and decided to let it go. It was better to do that than to do something to start an argument and end up actually pushing her away when she wanted to stay. Probably the most brilliant idea he had had all day. He was gloomy but he could not force his gloominess on other people, and already Adrianna was getting annoyed with him for it. It would take him a while to believe her, this was something Lani had decided to be stubborn on, and he was not going to back down, but he didn’t even realize that he was in danger of falling into the same trap he had had before. If he hid his feeling to make her happy then wasn’t he just doing what he had been doing before? Could he ever be cured of his lies?

Gray eyes widened as she swore. He had never heard that before and the shock was just about good enough to make him shut up and listen. His eyes lowered the more she spoke and he hated to think that he would make her feel like that by thinking of himself as one thing. But in Lani’s eyes those weren’t true… well maybe gullible, but certainly not a pushover, at least not now when she was standing her ground against him. And most certainly not worthless. He hung his head feeling very much like a scolded child, but that didn’t change his mind, what it did change was how he was going to work through this. “I understand,” he said softly shaking his head, “I’m sorry, you’re right.” That was careful, an apology but not a taking back of words. No he realized with deep regret that it was another secret. The self-loathing was a realization to him that he needed to fix it, not a direct attack on himself. “But no, I have to know who I am, so that I can fix it.” He voiced his thoughts determination flickering in and out of his voice.

Lani closed his eyes hearing those words. His heart fell into them like an embrace and he collapsed into that knowledge that out of everything that had come out of this she still loved him. It was amazing, it was comforting. He loved her for it, and yet even as he willed his lips to move and tell her this he couldn’t get the words past his throat where they got stuck in a lump. He just held onto her and tried to not let a noise slip to show his torrent of emotion. How was it that here they were, she was here with him telling him that she loved him and he was still too afraid to look for the answer to find out if he loved her as well. Well, now here was a problem, Lani’s care for her was growing but he wanted to protect her and keep the evils of the world from her, was that love?

It sounded so simple when said, but it was much harder to put into practice for the guilt was what was making him look at his face in the mirror and become determined to change what he saw there. He nodded numbly, he knew that was why they did it, but that didn’t make it any less his fault if he had never brought her close to him she would be safe… but would he want that? Ah, yes, he remembered. “I wish your first visit there hadn’t been so miserable,” he said offering an attempt at a smile, “I promise it’s much more glorious than that.” He nodded and paced onto the track looking down it his eyes determined and hard. This was indeed a good distraction. He shook his head, “I know, I know, I’m sorry.” He looked back into his memory, “I think my favorite was our first date,” now Lani’s lips tilted up, “I made such a fool of myself.” He had to admit with a memory that funny it was hard not to smile. But the memory was a temporary fix.