Another Day (Adrianna)

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Yes, this innocent, sweet girl did have a potty mouth when she felt it necessary. She wasn’t particularly fond of curse words and often stayed away from them, but in her frustration it had slipped out. The surprised look on his face was almost laughable, but maybe in a different situation. At this point, nothing seemed laughable between them anymore. What was she supposed to do, back down? Not be so stubborn? Not this time. She’d backed down so many times before for the sake of not arguing, but this was something she just wouldn’t give up on. Maybe it was pointless fighting about it with him, but she still wasn’t giving up. She’d caught onto what he was doing and almost said something, but instead let him finish his thought process. In her eyes, there was nothing to fix. She loved this Lani, but if he wanted to change she wouldn’t stop him.

But that being said, she tilted his chin up so that he was looking straight into her eyes, “Just don’t change who you are too much…I have to admit, I kinda like this Lani.” She cracked half a smile and pressed her forehead to his. Adri couldn’t help but wonder if he would change. This part of him was embedded into his core by now, it would take much more than words and beliefs to fix it. And she didn’t want him to just change all of who he was. In fact, she didn’t care if he changed or not. All she wanted was for her Lani to be happy again. If changing made him happy, so be it.

Feeling his hold on her tighten, she knew he wouldn’t return the words. It stung that even after all of this, he still couldn’t say it, but she didn’t show just how much it stung. Instead, Adrianna hugged him tighter and closed her eyes, thinking back to when they had both been so much brighter. It was like a dark cloud had passed over them and instead of moving onto the next person, it just hung over their relationship. Was it a test to see if she had the strength to let him go if he wanted? Or was it a test for him? She didn’t know for sure, but she did know that the cloud had taken away their bright bubble of happiness and she wanted it back. If not for her own sake, for his. Lani deserved to be happy, honestly and truly happy for once. All he ever did was take on everyone else’s problems which weighed him down and to her it seemed like though he often came off happy, it never reached his cloudy gray eyes.

Adrianna shrugged his comment off and smiled, “We’ll just have to go there again and you can show me all of the pretty stuff. But first, you’ve gotta come with me to California and meet my grandmother. You thought my mom was scary when she walked in on us, but Mags is a whole different story.” She let out a short giggle and rubbed at her arms nervously. She wasn’t sure what it was about this that had her anxious, but she couldn’t stop fidgeting. When he wandered away from her, she watched him concentrate on other things. The mentioning of their first date pulled a smile to her lips, “You did make a fool of yourself, but I think that was what won me over. You weren’t afraid to act silly.”

[Lani Hunter]

Lani had to admit that he was surprised that she didn’t back down. She was proving to be just as stubborn as he was, so what happened when neither wanted to back down. But one thing Lani was sure was that he needed to fix what he was doing wrong. If that meant hiding it then so be it. But what Adrianna was missing was that Lani needed to understand what was wrong in order to fix it and he wasn’t liking what he was seeing. But he needed that motivation to change. If he thought he was smooth and well off he wouldn’t be like this. These emotions they were new and they were overwhelming and Lani didn’t know how to deal with it. Little did he know just how much worse he was going to get. Well, sometimes he had to hit rock bottom to come back up. Perhaps as painful as it was what Lani needed was for Adrianna to let him fall and be there for him when he did hit the bottom so that she could help him build.

Lani’s eyes darted around, he was avoiding her eyes but he could only do it for so long. Something stuck him. He narrowed his eyes as he looked into her brown eyes. He barely heard her as she spoke but something in him struck. When he had nightmares, he saw eyes, the eyes of those he had hurt of those he had stolen from. They were all accusing and judgmental. But then there was a set of brown ones always hidden in the back, they were warm and bright like Adrianna’s but they were also full of understanding and love. It was the contrast between those with the other eyes that made him run form them, for those eyes had to have some different motive. But now as he looked into Adrianna’s eyes he wondered if those eyes just wanted him to be well.

Her words when he caught the tail end of them stung more than Adrianna could ever have imagined. That didn’t give him comfort and for some reason it made him want to break down and cry. She couldn’t see it. Had he put his masks on so well that she couldn’t see what was right in front of her. Lani sighed and bit his tongue to keep him from saying something that would upset her. “I’ll be better than that,” he vowed softly determination hardening his eyes. What was going to happen to them? Lani’s heart was in shambles and as much as Adrianna was helping he felt like his heart was being put together with the shards of ice still embedded. But he couldn’t let go of Adrianna, not after she had stayed with him now. Perhaps that was why he couldn’t say it back. Because her soothing words were contradicting what Lani saw as true and if she really liked him the way he was, then what did that say? Sure she was saying she liked the good things but what really stood out was that she liked the liar, she liked the thief, and she liked the secretive one. He forced himself to look past that. She also liked the trickster, she liked the jester and she liked the protector. Could the good outweigh the bad? Hope felt like a tremor in his heart. Could it be that he was more good than bad?

Lani nodded, “Yes, that sounds great,” he tried to sound enthusiastically but he was a little afraid. After all, what would Adrianna’s mother do to him if she knew what he did? He gulped imaging her coming after him with malice. What was it about mothers and being able to be terrifying, his own could silence and scold him with only a look, she never had to even open her mouth. Lani groaned a little but his smile grew almost forming a real one. It was fragile but it was there. “It wasn’t hard,” he admitted, “It felt right with you.” He stopped himself from saying he could be himself because that was a lie. He had not been himself. This was himself now. He rolled his shoulders and scuffed his feet. “So around the track once?” He asked hoping something physical would give him something to take his mind off of things.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

As soon as the words left Adrianna’s mouth she realized what she’d just said. She had said she liked the liar, the one that had hurt her and the one that had hid so much from her. What she’d meant was that she liked him when he was happy, she liked his sense of humor and the way he was so protective and loyal to her. It wasn’t the negatives that she loved about him, it was all of the positive things she’d seen in him. Maybe they were masks, but she liked to think that at least some of what she’d seen had been a part of who he really was. She wondered what he’d have been like had he not gotten sucked into the stealing profession and what he’d been like before. Would he have been what his masks shown? Adrianna wasn’t sure, but she believed that he was still a good person. Everyone had bad qualities about themselves that should be changed and that were in the workings of being changed. At the moment Adri was trying to change herself.

There were so many things that she disliked about herself. One was being so incredibly gullible and unthinking. She hated the fact that she believed everyone when they said they wouldn’t hurt her. Yes, she wanted to believe some people, but not right off the bat. Adrian knew she was far too trusting and she knew that she really shouldn’t be. If anything, she should be closed off and reserved, and yet she’s the complete opposite. Another part of herself that she didn’t particularly like was the fact that she often let people walk all over her. She rarely stuck up for herself when it came to verbal abuse and she rarely liked to get angry with people. Adrian just wasn’t angry. She liked being happy too much to want to be angry with anyone no matter what they did to her. There were exceptions, but still the majority of the time, people got away with anything around her. Biting down on her lip she looked up at him, her eyebrows pulling together, “All I’m asking for is that you don’t change who you really are. I guess I don’t really know who that is, but no matter what I’m not going to just leave because I don’t like the real you. Remember that, okay?”

Adrian could appreciate the attempt in enthusiasm, but he had every right to be afraid. She hadn’t told her mother the full truth about Lani, but she’d said there had been some problems and that Amelia didn’t have to worry. It took all she had inside of herself to tell her mother that she was okay and not falter. It was a wonder she hadn’t been bawling when she called Amelia. And boy was he lucky that she hadn’t been. Her own smile grew in response to his and her heart skipped in her chest. Throwing her arms around his neck, she hugged him tight, “I’m really happy to hear that.” When she stepped back, she rubbed at her arms and winced when she pushed down on a bruise. Well that was going to be a pain…literally. “Yup, once around the track. I win, you smile pretty for me. You win, free massage,” She smiled faintly and couldn’t keep the blush from spreading across her cheeks.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani wasn’t the sanest of people at the moment and so piecing through everything like that wasn’t going to happen. Lani only felt himself falling deeper into depression and he couldn’t forget that just two days ago he had almost gotten Adrianna killed. They had held a gun to her head. He wasn’t sure he would want to live with blood on his hands of any kind, but not hers. Not Adrianna’s innocent blood, nor Odion’s. He had been falling into sleep randomly of late and not waking for several hours and more than once he had been startled awake by the sound of the gun firing only in his dreams it sent the bullet through her brain. Lani couldn’t handle that, he was going completely bonkers. And now this? This? How could she love him after this? Lani pushed back the thought with rage but it seeped through, what did that say about Adrianna? Lani wasn’t aware of the wild look in his eyes as they look in the world around him.

Blinking Lani’s eyes came back into focus and returned from their inner focus and he looked down at her. Her words were soothing and his mind searched for a way out of these caverns. But they were stalked by Lani and his power and his mind was pulled back into the darkness. Lani sighed and his eyes searched her face with desperation. There had to be answers to this somewhere. Who was he? Lani Hunter? No… no he was no Hunter, that was what his father said. So really? It was a hard question. Whatever happened to Lani Hunter? And who was this person that haunted his body? Surely this couldn’t be him? She was right, she didn’t know who he was, because he didn’t know who he was. “I will,” he said and he squeezed her hand and leaned close to her his heart feeling at ease in the palms of her gentle hands. “You have no idea what that means to me.”

He hadn’t lied when he had hoped that if they ever broke up he wanted to remain friends. But he had never imagined that this would happen, he also hadn’t anticipated her falling in love with him and he hadn’t anticipated falling for her, or for that matter getting so confused about things with Odion. This was a mess. Lani was a mess and he made a mess of everything wherever he went. He should just become a hermit. That was really the only way to protect those that he loved. But then, what if someone hurt them when he wasn’t able to be here? Why was this so hard. He jumped a little, startled out of his thoughts as she hugged him. He couldn’t help the smile that flickered on his face as he squeezed her back. He bit his tongue to keep from commenting on her bruises, she had already told him not to… but… Lani nodded his head. “I’d better make sure to win, then” he said encouraged by her blush. He stepped away and braced himself against his back foot. “On three?”

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna had surprisingly taken everything in stride. Of course she had similar nightmares to his, and she also had kept herself shut off from the world since coming back from the infirmary, but all things considered, she hadn’t gone into shock. All that had happened was her being terrified by the thought of being alone for any length of time. It was nice having a roommate because she knew that Levi was just in the next room. Then again, she did worry about what would happen to him if those men had ever come back. Hopefully they’d leave him be and just take her, but with their cruelty, she doubted that would be the case. After all, they’d taken Odion. Adrianna wasn’t stupid and wasn’t crazy. She knew what she’d meant, it just came out wrong. Sure, she’d fallen in love with the Lani that he pretended to be, but despite the masks, there were parts of his true self in there.

Adrianna was content with his answer. At least he was willing to try, that was all she could ever ask for. And she was more than willing to help him if he needed it. He’d just said he needed her and it was her job to be there for him. It was all part of being in a relationship. Adri loved Lani more than anything and all she wanted was for him to be comfortable with who he was as a person. She kept her hands entwined with his and leaned into him. Despite not knowing him as well as she thought she had, this Lani was one that she definitely loved. His sweet, soft side. If he kept this then she would be perfectly fine. She pressed her lips to his jaw and looked up at him, “It’s what I’m here for.”

Even if they were merely flickers, she was happy to see him smile. She was happy to have his arms around her, holding her tight. It had been so long since they’d shared happy moments together and she missed them dearly. At his comment she wasn’t sure whether he was referring to the whole massage thing or the fact that he wouldn’t be able to smile for her. Perhaps it was a combination of both? It made the most sense. “Well Mr. Hunter, I won’t be taking it easy on you. Of that I assure you,” She giggled half-heartedly and set herself on the track. “On three. 1...2...”

[Lani Hunter]

Lani gave her a kiss on the temple and nodded. Grateful wasn’t a good enough word to contain his relief that she hadn’t left him. When in all rights she had more than enough reasons to give Lani a nice solid kick to the curb. It was a sad fact that Lani would try but he would also try to please her by being happy for her. It was strange thing but it was a skill he had gained a long time ago, pretending he was feeling one way. It wasn’t hard before, but now, when all this pain had come from lies even smiling to make her feel better felt deceptive, it felt wrong. The worst was that there was the real possibility that she wouldn’t like him very much when he showed his true colors. But then again, if she hadn’t left him yet… Adrianna made his heart flutter but it was too terrifying because the feeling was starting to feel strangely familiar.

He wished he could be happy if even for a moment now, but he was so lost in his own mind, so deep in his own despair that happiness seemed a sad and far away concept. Lani rocked back on his feet feeling as if time were slowing as he tested his feet. There was a twinge there from a bruise and a slight ache here from a well aimed blow. But otherwise for the simple act of running he should be alright. His heart throbbed a little and whined at the thought of having to pump hard to push his body faster. But he would not lose. He glanced at her and nodded. “Bring it on, Ms. Carstyn.” He had lost to her once and he wasn’t enthusiastic about losing again. Lani hated losing in general, but with people who deserved it he didn’t mind, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try for another go. She hit three and Lani sprang forward. All it took was a quick glance to know that Adrianna was right with him.

The motion was simple and the wind felt good on his face. His eyes glared as he pushed himself faster than his muscles were accustom too. His heart throbbed as if the emotional pain was physically affecting its ability to pump blood correctly. It felt good, running. The wind and the sun washed away the problems and soon all Lani was aware of was the pain in his legs and the ferocious determination for victory. Problems grew when he glanced back and for a moment imagined that the shadow running along the ground had eyes and they were filled with hate and malice. It was him only shadowed and demonic. Lani shied away from it as his mind created these images in reality and he stumbled off the track.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna was stretching her muscles, the ones she hadn’t used in so long other than to run from the awful place she’d been taken to. Two days. It still seemed so far away, but at the same time, the nightmares made her realize that it wasn’t that far. The nightmares and the bruises. As she stretched, the sore spots protested and she gritted her teeth against the sharp pain that seemed to shoot up her arms and legs. As long as she could ignore it, she’d be just fine. It was only running. One lap. All she had to do was make it one lap around and then she could collapse on the ground just as they had the first time they’d raced. At his taunt she smirked and as soon as the three left her lips, they both shot off.

Running was second nature to Adrian, just as easy as swimming and breathing. The way her lungs worked, evening out her breathing pattern as she exerted more force. Her feet pounded against the ground at a steady pace, each time she pushed herself faster. It reminded her of the last time she was running. Always glancing back to make sure he was right there with her and to make sure the villains weren’t following. It terrified her because it was just like a dream. The dream that she’d had when in the infirmary, always running and never escaping. Her hands trembled, but she shook her head to force away the thoughts. She didn’t want to remember any of her nightmares. The finish line was just up ahead, just a few more feet, but when she saw Lani stumble off of the track, her feet slowed automatically and she went towards him instead of the end marker.

Adrianna had been just a few steps behind him in the race, so seeing him turn off the track had surprised her. And it worried her. She came up beside him, but didn’t touch him, didn’t reach out to him. It was like dealing with a scared animal, she didn’t want to frighten him more. It was funny how much she’d compared him to a hurt animal, always afraid of getting too close to him because she expected him to snap at her. Adri crossed her arms across her chest, not in an annoyed gesture, but in order to keep her from reaching out to him. “L-Lani? Are you okay?”

[Lani Hunter]

Watching Adrianna from the corner of his eye he tried to match his pace with hers but every time she glanced behind he was a hair behind her. He pushed himself faster to keep up and soon he was next to her and then just a hair ahead of her. No one else pushed him so hard to run fast. And that was when it happened. Lani wondered for a moment as he caught himself if he could possibly play that off to tripping. He stood a little shaking and his eyes going to his shadow, where it rested normal and without malice at his feet. He sighed and panted leaning over his knees hoping that holding them might keep them from shaking visibly. He looked up as Adrianna approached and hung his head, all she had been trying to do was make him feel better and he had ruined it.

She didn’t reach out to him and he closed his eyes and forced himself to know that what he had seen had been a figment of his imagination. There was no reason for him to start freaking out. A little thrill of terror raced through him as he opened his eyes and looked back at his shadow. Wasn’t it usual for schizophrenia to start up in the late teen years? Lani bit his tongue and shook his head, he was not schizophrenic. No way. It had been his mind playing tricks on him and it was the fact that he had identified that that told him that he wasn’t going that kind of insane. Lani looked up at Adrianna, she looked like she didn’t want to be near him… no. Like she was afraid to be near him. His heart squeezed and he reached out to her. He wanted to show her that he needed her, but not this way.

He shook his head to clear it. “Yeah, sorry, I thought I saw something.” He shook his head again the fog of depression threatening to take him over. He swallowed. “I guess that means you win, huh?” He looked up at her. He wanted to see her smile more than anything right now. He touched her arm. “I have to smile now right?” He attempted one then and knew it didn’t reach his eyes or even his lips completely. He closed his eyes and imagined them collapsed on the ground the first time they had raced. She had told him happy memories would help. With these memories close to his hear Lani looked back up at Adrianna and gave her his best dazzling smile. He pulled her into a hug and pressed his lips against her a thrill going through him. He pulled away and realized how unfair it was to her that he was confused about all of this. He didn’t want to be like all of the other men in her life…

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna hadn’t wanted this to end like it had. She’d hoped so desperately that it would reprieve him from the depression and all of the darkness, not bring it to the front of his mind. If she’d really known what he’d seen, Adrian would have felt so guilty that it might have crushed her. All she wanted was for him to be happy again, and she couldn’t even bring him to be the slightest bit happier. As a girlfriend, she was failing. Why did he bother staying with her when she couldn’t make him happy? Her own thoughts grew dark and she kept her face from betraying how much it hurt to think that way. It wasn’t like Lani loved her, so what kept him around? Was it that he was afraid of ending up like every other guy in her life? Either way he’d end up like that. The longer he went without telling her he loved her, the more she began to doubt that he would ever feel that way for her.

As he looked up at her, she pushed those thoughts forcefully away. When he reached for her, she stepped into his embrace and hugged him tight. Even if he didn’t love her, it was obvious he cared. But was caring enough? Adri always wished she could take back the first time she’d said she loved him. After all that had happened to her, she should have waited to say it until the man she was with said it first. But she hadn’t, and now she wondered if anyone ever would said it to her. Burying her face in his chest, she wished that he’d say it to her soon. She wanted to know that someone was capable of feeling that way towards her.

Looking up at him, her eyebrows pulled together and she frowned, “It didn’t work. God, this was such a stupid idea!” Her eyes slid shut and she shook her own head. How could she think that it would work? How could she be so stupid? Tears stung beneath her eyes, but she forced them back. No. She wasn’t going to cry, not in front of him. Not anymore. Adrian was sick of being weak. His fingers brushed her arm and she looked up at him. “You don’t have to, technically neither of us finished the race,” But he attempted anyway. The attempt made her heart squeeze painfully. It didn’t look like her Lani’s smile. The smile she so loved was bright and full of energy. His eyes were still so cold and distant, his lips unable to quirk up like they used to. She was just about to tell him again not to worry about it, but after a few moments with his eyes closed, he gave her a smile that seemed so much like the old ones. Her heart stuttered and her lower lip trembled as she wrapped her arms around his neck. His lips against hers sent a chill through her spine and she pressed her forehead against his. “Thank you. I missed that smile so much.”

[Lani Hunter]

Relief flooded Lani’s veins as she stepped into his embrace. He didn’t want her to be afraid of him, but… god he was such an idiot. Why wouldn’t she be? He shut down and made sure that certain topics were off limits for conversation, but unlike Odion she had obeyed those rules. He didn’t want her to think she was failing, he didn’t understand why Odion being gone was doing this to him. He was so confused about everything and the world had turned dark in his eyes and he wanted it to be bright again for her. She had been able to make all of his problems disappear before, why was now different? Why couldn’t he forget? He bit at his lip and stuffed the emotions. This was all wrong. He should be happy, he should be saying his goodbyes to Odion and he should be happy because Adrianna is here with him, trying to do what she did best. But this was apparently a problem that couldn’t be forgotten.

It was hard to think about love because love was different in so many different ways. Lani was sure that the feeling he had was close to love but he just regretted so deeply that it wasn’t the love that Adrianna wanted. Lani took her head in his hands to stop it from shaking. He shook his head at her the first smile was the hardest but now it was coming easier. “No, it wasn’t. And it did work. Adrianna, this is exactly what I needed.” He stole another kiss from her. He loved that she tried so hard to cheer him when he was cheerless. It wasn’t her fault that it wasn’t working. It was his. Lani closed his eyes struggling not to lose his smile. He wasn’t done dealing with all of this. He wasn’t done dealing with what he had lost and what he had gained. It was all so much to deal with at once. He had never thought that leaving his boss could be met with sadness and he hated that he missed his boss. He had been like a father, evil as he was and Lani hated him.

Having her so close was helping his heart, it was soothing the bruises and the cuts. Even if it felt like it was full of glass she was soothing it. He held her close and looked into her warm brown eyes. “Me too,” he admitted, though his heart wasn’t completely in he knew that he never wanted to live his life in depression. If not for himself than for the people around him. He swallowed. “Do you know what really sucks?” He said attempting a joke, who else would joke at a time like this? “I don’t know what to do now.” He shook his head and closed his eyes. He knew he would always be a thief, that was just too big a part of him to give up. His smile faltered but it didn’t fade. He didn’t want to let her go, he was still afraid that she might vanish. That this would all be a dream. He wasn’t sure he could handle that.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna’s eyes were closed when she felt his hands cup her face. She opened them slowly and was caught in the gray of his eyes. So cloudy and distant, they were always hiding something from her. She wondered what it was now that he could be keeping behind those beautiful eyes. Part of her felt guilty for thinking that he’d continue hiding things from her, but it was what he’d been so good at before, and people didn’t change in a span of only two days. Not even after the consequences of his secrets before. His words held little truth to her, how had it helped? By upsetting him further? No. He was just trying to be nice. Her heart pounded unevenly and she averted her eyes from his. She couldn’t look at him because she felt so painfully guilty that nothing she was doing seemed to help him.

His lips pressed to hers briefly and she glanced at him again. It sent a little shiver up her spine and her mind drifted to the day he’d met her mother. The memory itself was funny and it warmed her heart most of the time, but now it just seemed to haunt her. He’d been so happy then, so at ease and funny. They’d both got caught up in each other and hadn’t even realized the knock on the door. It was no longer like that when they kissed. It was always so brief and more for reassurance than just the pleasure of kissing. Adrianna missed those kisses, like the one from the first night she’d gone out with him when some other guy had started hitting on her. Adri leaned her forehead against his shoulder and sighed, “How could it have possibly worked when all I keep seeing is that sad look in your eyes?” She looked back up at him and tears were springing in her own eyes. Thinking of the past had her heart aching for it. She missed the honeymoon phase of their relationship, now it just seemed like they were falling apart. The world was challenging their relationship and she wasn’t sure if it was strong enough to withstand much longer.

Fear had been setting in for a while now. Adrian had been momentarily comforted after the run in with Rhett, but then this happened and it all was just plummeting again. The fear of losing him was growing stronger each day that she saw him so unhappy. Before, she’d always made him happy even when he was so angry or upset about something. Now, it was like she wasn’t even trying. She clung to him as he held her and wished that the fear would dissipate. As he spoke, she looked up and her eyebrows pulled together at the change of tone. His answer to his own question had her frowning slightly. What was he supposed to do? “Well, I mean…if…if stealing is what you enjoy doing and if it’s what you’re truly skilled at…I guess you could always go back to that….” She met his eyes again, her own growing firm, “As long as you don’t get involved with another dangerous group like those other men.”

[Lani Hunter]

It was a shared guilt. Lani felt guilty of keeping things from her, which in reality was true guilt and he could not even plead not guilty. Adrianna felt guilty for not being able to bring him cheer but that wasn’t her fault. He wasn’t sure why this was happening now. Why everything had come down around him. He wanted to scream and he wanted to cry and hell he wanted to throw a few cars around. But he didn’t and he couldn’t. Not now. Adrianna was making him look at himself in a good light when he could barely look at his face in the mirror in darkness. He hated who he was and he hated what he was doing to her even more. She moved her eyes from him and his heart fell even if his mask of a smile didn’t.

Lani closed his eyes and rested his head against hers. How could he answer that? He heard the sadness in her voice and it killed him. He missed the times when all that mattered was her skin against his and feeling the desire for her. Now that desire was there but he wasn’t sure he should allow it to get what it wanted. He sighed and held her closer hoping that if he held her this would all go away and when he opened his eyes it would be like it was before. He kissed her forehead as he opened his eyes and shook his head. “I’m sorry, but don’t blame yourself, it’s my fault.” Well this was a familiar tune. He was saying this a lot recently. But it was true. It was his fault that this had all happened, it was his fault that they were being blown apart in this storm, it was his fault that he didn’t understand his feelings because he had swallowed them for so long. “Adrianna, I’m trying, I really am… it’s just… I’ve never…” What? He wasn’t really sure. So he shrugged and hoped she got the implication. He had never been through this. Never been so free. He had been through a lot just not this.

He looked down at her not expecting her to have any answers to her. Again she surprised him. His eyes went wide and only widened as he listened. It felt like he was getting permission to fly loose of his boss’s chains but he was afraid of where that might lead him. Her permission also frightened him. He looked down at her confused as if she had told him it was alright for him to be stealing… oh wait… “Are you saying…” Lani hesitated, his eyes wide and a little bit skeptical, “Are you saying you’re ok with this? You’re not upset about me stealing?” He was a little afraid of the answer but a thread of hope stirred his heart and it warmed. He nodded his eyes closing as he frowned. “Absolutely not. Never again.” He assured her determination strong in his voice. Who would say what would happen in the future but he was never going back to that. He would find his own way to make money if he needed it.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Her heart lurched in her chest violently as his head rested against her. She chewed on the inside of her lip and curled her hands in the front of his shirt to keep him close. Adrianna remembered when being so close to him had her on edge and little sparks of electricity running throughout her body. The sparks were still there, but they had faded because it had been so long since either of them had acted based on the desire of wanting to be close to the other for reasons other than just comfort. She’d taken things rather slow with Lani, or well, slower than usual for her. The fact that she had barely had a chance to really enjoy the physical intimacy between them was sad and it hurt. She was just so afraid of rejection now that she couldn’t bring herself to take things any further than they had been. Especially now.

His arms tightened around her and it only made her wish for that aspect of their relationship more. Adri lifted her eyes to his and they fluttered shut as his lips touched her forehead. How could she not blame herself? It had been her idea, therefore her fault. “If I’m not allowed to blame myself than neither are you,” She whispered against his cheek as she gave him a light peck. Oh how she wanted more, but she couldn’t handle him pushing her away if she asked for more. He began stammering and her eyebrows pulled together as she listened. He’d never…been through something like this before. She knew that, in fact she hadn’t either, but wasn’t it best that they go through it together? It would be easier now with both of them not having high expectations rather than with someone else who had been through something similar. “I know, I know. I just wish this was all easier,” She said softly, pressing her cheek to his chest as her arms tightened around him.

The words that left her mouth had even surprised her. She hadn’t expected to say anything along those lines, but at least it was true. Adrian wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to be safe. His hesitation showed that he too had been surprised by her words. “Lani, it’s not my place to tell you what to do, all I care about is that you’re happy with what you’re doing and most of all that you stay safe while you’re doing it.” His eyes closed and relief washed over her as he reassured her that he wouldn’t be working for someone so evil anymore.

[Lani Hunter]

Adrianna was right, the sparks were there but they had dulled to embers and the desperation just to keep her close seemed to dim them even more. Perhaps it was that they were fading. It was denial, and Lani was refusing to see it. He cared for her deeply and so he didn’t want to leave her, he didn’t want to hurt her. But she loved him and he didn’t love her, it was painful for the both of them. And Lani was too afraid of how she might feel than to think that letting her go would be better in the end. It was a mixture of stubbornness and yes pride, on his part. She had after all accepted him as is at the moment and that was more than anyone else outside of his family had done so far. He was only beginning a hard week and his heart was alternatively plummeting and shaking in anger he couldn’t make sense of any of the emotions and his power was haywire because of it.

Why couldn’t they go back in time and make things better? Why hadn’t Lani listened when so many people told him he needed to be honest, now he was caught in a lie and he knew that Odion wouldn’t trust him again that was if he ever returned, and Adrianna didn’t trust him, despite what she said, how could she? He had dropped a bomb on her. He sighed and leaned his cheek against hers. “That’s not fair,” he said back with a little now and his heart soothed a little at her peck. It wasn’t the same thing, not by a long shot. After all her mistake hadn’t almost gotten Lani killed and really she was just trying to help him, Lani had only been trying to help himself. He sighed and closed his eyes. As Adrianna held him close he was alternatively relieved and guilt ridden. “Me too,” he murmured back to her.

Shaking his head a little Lani was confused. How could she be so accepting? What he was doing was illegal, he had been part of what that group had been doing for years and years. He was willing to bet he wasn’t the first person to have loved ones used against him and he was sure he wouldn’t be the last but he had never done anything for them. And he had been prepared to pay the price to free her and Odion and if Odion’s hadn’t… He bit his lip and held back the tears through sheer will power. And he was gone. “Adrianna,” he began, his voice running dry. “Adrianna,” he tried again, “I’ll never be safe doing what I’m doing, but… I…” he wanted to say he would stop if she asked him to but truth be told he would just keep it a secret again. “I can’t stop.”

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrian gave a short laugh and sighed, “I never said it was fair. Either way, that’s how it’s gonna be, so deal with it.” The corner of her mouth pulled up to show she was just joking, but it didn’t touch her eyes and it was definitely not a happy smile. She hadn’t smiled much in the past few months, not at all. There was just nothing that could make her as happy as she had been within those first few months of being with Lani. Wasn’t being in love supposed to make you happy? She’d refused to think about how unhappy she’d become, but not it was always there in the back of her mind. Adri just didn’t know how to make it go away.

Despite being held by him and having that comfort, she wondered what this relationship was anymore. He didn’t love her, he’d made that perfectly clear, but she was so sure that she loved him. The thought of losing him had her chest aching and under her eyes stinging, but that feeling was due to the fear of abandonment. The idea of him not loving her hurt, and yet it was nothing near the pain that it should have been. It had been a while since she’d said she loved him, and by now she should have gotten an answer. But she’d rather have him around than push him away for not loving her. And who knew? Maybe she loved him in that way of a best friend. Maybe that was all they were supposed to be. For all she knew, Rhett could have been right, but she wasn’t going to go there.

It was funny how when they’d first started out in their relationship Lani had been so sure she’d never be accepting of him, and though she often gave off signs of acceptance, he’d still never believed her. Adrian was just a forgiving and accepting person, she didn’t hold grudges unless they were deserved. His words had her frowning slightly, but she nodded. Adrianna was hoping that he would at least be safe doing it, but it wasn’t a safe business and she should have known that. “Look, based off of what I’ve…gathered…you seem to be one of the best at what you do. You’ve managed to be somewhat safe and haven’t gotten caught, just…I dunno, just keep doing whatever it is that will keep you from getting hurt. I’m not going to ask you to stop because that is just going to cause more problems, I just want you to know that if you need someone, anyone to confide in or something…I’m here,” She bit down on her lip and looked down, “I always will be, even if we’re not…t-together.”