Heaven is a place on earth (Vincent) [2 Warnings]

[Vincent Meian]

The honesty was refreshing, in its own right. Normally, Lei tried so hard to hide what he was really feeling that it ended up plastered all over the boy's face. To hear him actually talking about what was wrong encouraged the trainer. Maybe he'd get through to him yet. "This will take time," he replied. "Practice, and you will become more adept in time."


The sharp inhalation made him wonder if his student was in pain, but considering that the expression faded after a moment the trainer assumed it was a focusing technique; Lei had made his own breath louder to cover the sound of Vincent's own heartbeat. At least, that was his theory, anyway. He said nothing to break the concentration for a time, and slowly the boy seemed to relax once again. His breathing became more even, deeper, and slower - almost as if he had fallen asleep. However, the young man remained upright and adjusted his balance minutely, lending falsehood to that assumption. Content with the progress, Vincent remained silent and calm, watching to boy for any other signs of disturbance.


A sudden ragged breath caught the soldier's attention, and he focused once more on the boy's face noticing a sort of pain that had not been present before. No, that wasn't correct; it had been there before, but hidden - now it came to light, breaking through the facade Lei normally wore. For a moment, Vincent wondered if he had fallen asleep and was having another nightmare. As he debated reaching for the boy, however, the feeling of his pulse thudding in his chest vanished and Lei suddenly stood, breaking away from the older man as he moved towards the window.


Vincent paused for a moment, considering. If Lei needed space, going to him would not comfort him. It could cause him to think his trainer overbearing and possibly nosy - something the young man seemed to chafe at immensely. If he needed comfort, however, not going to him would make it seem like he didn't care. Something Lei had definitely disliked in past encounters with people.


It took the soldier only a moment to make his choice. Standing quietly, he walked over his student and placed a hand lightly on his shoulder. "You did well for your first attempt," he praised, his voice gentle and warm. He even had a small smile on his face, proud of his student. He did not give praise lightly, and in his honest opinion Lei had done remarkably well. Clearing one's mind of their emotions and focusing on the most basic of things tended to remind one of what they found important and defining in their lives. For Vincent, some of those things were memories he would rather leave tucked away.


He could only guess what those moments were for his student.

[Leiken Chu]

Lei tensed slightly as that hand placed upon his shoulder, the feel of it's weight there shot that memory back into his mind, he closed his eyes for a moment to stop the tears that flowed down his cheeks. Yet there was still a silent pain that echoed upon his features. He leaned himself toward that touch, absent mindedly into the other man's form, though when he realized what he was doing he shifted forward again. "Thank you." he stated in response to the praise. Lei's hands rose to brush his face before he spoke lightly.

"I suddenly remembered him again. " he stated as he wiped at his face. "It was back when I went to the school in japan. " he stated as he stared ahead of himself distantly. "He was the only person who could ever love me as a monster. Even though I hurt him he laughed at me because they'd heal right after. his injuries i mean. " he stated sadly. "He's gone now, but i can still remember the way he smelled when the wind blew past his hair. " he stated as he drew a hand to his face to hide his eyes for a moment. "Why am i even telling you this." he stated as he huffed a breath outward.

He turned to vincent then, looking up to the taller man, "I killed him Vinny. The only reason he's dead is because i got angry. If i can't control myself that might happen again and i don't think I could live with myself if it did and I wouldn't." he stated staring at the other man.

[Vincent Meian]

"You are welcome," the older man responded, and he meant it. Rarely was Vincent anything if not sincere. He made note of the glistening tears on the boy's face and the subtle shift towards and then away from him as Lei struggled with his emotions again. At least his powers weren't reacting; some part of the boy that was remembering that pain kept the hemokinesis at bay. While that was concerning in it own right, the trainer would deal with that at a later date.


"I cannot presume anything," he answered honestly. "Though it sounds as if this boy meant a great deal to you." Distantly, Vincent remembered something from his years at Eisai - a story of one of their students with advanced healing being found dead in a pool of his own blood. Since other things had been preoccupying the trainer at the time, he never heard much of the story. Now, he suspected he was about to.


As it turned out, he was right; Lei had killed that boy. Almost certainly by accident, considering his meager control over his powers, but he had done so nonetheless. So, that was the life weighing on him so heavily, he mused. Young adoration, brought to an end by thoughtless anger. Now where does that sound familiar? Granted, Vincent hadn't killed his bride in those days, though he had come close. But as the soldier he once was eventually forgave those days, so too would his student need that relief.


"Then you will learn to control your anger," he replied simply. "And when you have learned that, you will learn to control your abilities. There is always another way to make things right." Even though the trainer hadn't believed that in his youth, in those days where what he'd seen in the Void haunted him, he had learned it from the most unexpected of places. In the faith of his wife, and in the loving eyes of his children.

[Leiken Chu]

"He meant everything to me. He picked up the pieces of the person i was when the rest of the people who were supposed to be my family only sent me away so they did not have to deal with me themselves. " he stated softly. Tears stung his eyes again as his fists raised to cover them briefly as if he were plugging holes in a boat that had sprung leaks.

"He confessed to me on the roof top that he had been seeing that uperclassman that found him. I was so angry, so hurt, i couldn't believe i trusted him. In the end his power wasn't controlled enough to heal the injuries my own caused. " he stated with a choked tone. " I didn't remember for a long time what happened that day, but it was the day i realized what kind of monster i'd become. " he stated with a choked tone.

"I hope so. I don't want anyone else to die at my hand. Every time i close my eyes to sleep, all i can see is his lifeless face laying in a pool of his own blood." He stated which was true for the most part. He often saw other things as well. "How? how can i make it right when he's not ever coming back to life?" he stated before shifting toward the other man, pressing his face to his chest, hiding it there.

"I don't want that ever to happen again.Never ever again. " he managed out.

[Vincent Meian]

The subject of families was a tender one for the trainer. He'd bounced around from foster home to foster home in his youth, only maintaining a more permanent address when his powers were discovered and he trained at Eisai. From what little he remembered from his early childhood, the social workers had mentioned that his mother had died, and his father was unknown. It had angered him to be abandoned in such a way, so he understood the grim distaste Lei had for his own "giving him up" as it were. However, that was a discussion for a different day.


"It is frequent that those we care for most are those able to cause us the most harm," he agreed, though his gentle tone held another answer in it. "Sometimes they lie to protect; other times they speak hard truths to show faith. What you did is not unforgivable; only a warning." More memories, and more lessons learned with age. Though his analysis may have seemed harsh and mocking in its lightness, there was a weight to his words that showed he'd been down this road before. This man knew where Lei was coming from.


Though the description of the nightmares made Vincent wonder if that was what his student had been dreaming of that night in his office, he maintained quiet. Once again, it was something to be spoken of later. He stilled as Lei turned and pressed his face against him, then rested his arms around the boy gently; not pushing him away, but allowing the boy to break the embrace if he wished. "You can learn from your mistakes," he answered. "Learn to help rather than harm with your powers. It will not wash away his sacrifice, but it will ease the pain."


He could promise that, though the younger man likely wouldn't believe him. It was a hard road, and one with many painful memories. But, sooner or later, things would get easier. They almost always did.

[Leiken Chu]

"Why is that?" he stated in a pained tone. "why are they able to do that when they're the ones who are supposed to make sure that we are not harmed? " he sated in a shaken tone. "A warning the cost a life. " he stated with a look of disgust that was targeted at himself more so than the words the other man spoke.

Vincent would not have to wait long for that answer. Lei gripped lightly at the man's shirt as he felt vincent's arms around him once more. That soothing feeling that seemed to calm him so well. "That day in your office and every day after like the many before it. I have had this nightmare. Since the day that I separated him from this world. " he began in a shaken tone. Pausing to take a long breath to try to stop his tears somewhat. "In my dream i am in aroom filled with darkness. Usually that is all, but very night since that night in your office my nightmare has changed. " he slid his arms around the other male's body as he trembled with a slight fear.

"In the nightmare now there is a single candle. The smell of it I can remember clearly, but the light is what i saw bright in that dark room. It lit up the floor and i noticed my feet were upon an ocean of blood. " he continued as his fingers curled against the other man and his body pressed closer to him in fear of his own nightmares. Seeking that comforting position. "Then a sound comes. A horrible, frightening sound, like metal chains dragging upon the floor. I run and I run chasing the light to escape the sound. I reach for the light and i fall into the ocean of blood. Instead of floating though... i sink. " he breathed out shakily. " then i fall"

Leiken breathed in the other male's scent as he tried to explain further, "In my dream when i've stopped falling i am laying upon a pile of pillows. Surrounded by the candle's light." he murmured. "sometimes i dream about him, but lately it has been this same dream."

[Vincent Meian]

"Because we care too much and let them see your deepest and truest heart," the Japanese man replied, his nationality coming through in the analogy he used. "As we care, they care; as we hurt, so must they. With love comes great pain and greater joy." He spoke not of the warning again, certain that Lei knew its meaning from his tone. He would learn the value of that lesson someday - for now, it was just a painful memory.


Then, almost as if a dam had broken, words poured out of Lei and he spoke of the dreams. The dark room filled with blood, the face of his beloved pale and dead, of the chains and the rattling sound as they dragged across the floor... of the fear and flight, of drowning in an ocean of red.


Oh yes. Vincent understood that very well. While he hadn't had a nightmare in months, he still remembered his own very clearly. Trauma caused both amnesia and nightmares, and the student in his arms certainly had reason for it. While the older man hated to admit it, the best way to deal with it would be to talk about it. And Vincent wasn't a therapist - just someone who knew what was going on. Lei would need to talk to a real counselor eventually.


The inserting of the light into the dream was a good step, he supposed; while he wasn't an expert on dreaming, light usually meant a way out or something to look forward to in his philosophy books. The falling into a comfort zone rather than drowning was a good sign as well - drowning was a helplessness made worse by terror. The fact that his dreams were terrifying him less showed progress. Though the reasons behind it... those made the trainer worry once again. If his suspicions were correct, this meant that his student now had a dependency on him that was more than trainer-student and could be unhealthy.


They would have to work on that.


"I am not an expert on dreams," he began slowly, "but it seems to me that your nightmares are becoming clearer because you are starting to accept what happened. Rather than feeling helpless and drowning, you are comforted and able to relax. This shows progress, I believe." He paused for a moment, then smiled. Lei didn't seem to realize yet, but he'd come a long way in just a week - his powers weren't causing the trainer any harm, and the boy wasn't even focusing on them.


"You have come quite the distance, Leiken. I have no doubt that you will make peace with yourself very soon."

[Leiken Chu]

Leiken choked slightly on his own breath as he tried not to shed any further tears. He was failing at such a thing. "I sometimes wonder if it is worth feeling. Why can there not be love and joy without the cost of balance?" he stated before exhaling heavily.
As the other man spoke leiken would listen to the words he spoke as if they the truth and fact without any question. Though he gave a small noise resembling a whimper as his body pressed tighter to the other man's as if he were trying to just vanish in those arms completely. "Progress..." he murmrued. He hadn't really thought of it that way. "the candle in my nightmares is only there certain days. I am afraid of what would happen if i made it vanish as well." he stated in a pained tone.

Leiken was strong willed, he hard a strong heart and spirit, but he was very vulnerable. He was easily broken by words and that made it the most difficult for him to control the emotions that caused him such grief.

"I have?"he questioned. "It doesn't feel as though i've gone anywhere at all. " he stated he held his arms around the older and taller man.

[Vincent Meian]

Though it hurt him just to say it, let alone remember, the soldier did it anyway. "Because that pain reminds us how wonderful that joy is. How can we know true happiness if we do not know sorrow?" The question was rhetorical, of course, though it was something the two of them could discuss when Lei was not nearly so emotional as well; philosophy and religion, after all, were something that the trainer had studied extensively, both to aid his own healing and help his students on their own path.


Vincent held his student closer as the boy pushed for more comfort, his arms tightening around him as if he were one of the man's own children. Indeed, many times he thought of his students as such; it helped him understand when discipline was needed or when empathy was required instead. It seemed to work most of the time, though it left him feeling a bit lonely when they graduated. It was a sad position to be in, but one that was fulfilling and redeeming; by passing on his knowledge, he helped clean away his own sin. It was all he could ask for.


"Whatever that light represents, it must mean something to you," he answered. "I doubt it will fly away because you worry that it will do so."


At Lei's self-deprecation however, Vincent pulled away, holding the boy at arm's length and leaning down to look him directly in the eye. "You have progressed, Leiken," he stated firmly, his expression and tone completely serious. "I have proof if you are not convinced."

[Leiken Chu]

Leiken seemed distressed hearing those words, but he relaxed as he breathed the other man's scent in. He curled his fingers into t he fabric of his trainer's shirt. hiding there against his chest for the time being still, "I suppose that does make sense." He stated though his voice still held a thick sadness about it.

Leiken's cheeks drew a faint red tint to them as those arms tightened around him, he couldn't help but to enjoy the comfort, to feel safe. Leiken nodded slowly against the other man's chest as he spoke of the light meaning something to him. He had began to speak of it's meaning, but that was about the time vincent pulled away to arms length. Leaving him feeling an awkward mess standing there as he was. "What proof is that?" leiken would question as he stared to the other man.

For once with his power behaving. Not trying to control or overpower a single thing.

[Vincent Meian]

A smile managed to slide its way onto the trainer's face - not a big one, or even a very open one. It was a small smile, secret and warm, like a father who was hiding a present behind his back for a child. With a simple gesture, he showed the boy his bare forearms and hands with which he'd held the boy tight. Tanned and scarred they were, black with ink beneath the skin one one of them and the other with a finger bound in a simple silver band. But there was something distinctly missing from the toned flesh before them that needed no words to show.


The absence of bruising.


For once, Lei's powers had not activated simply because of contact. There had been no pull on his heartbeat, no threat of fainting, no trouble breathing. And, most visibly, no bruising. Not a single blood spot marred the trainer's skin, and he'd been holding the boy close for quite a few minutes.


"Progress," he stated simply, that secret smile remaining in his eyes even after the expression faded back to neutrality. There was nothing else that needed saying, so he left it at that.

[Leiken Chu]

Lei's face deepened that red tint as he saw vincent smile. Leiken, for a moment, made an awkward expression. Unable to help being stunned by that smile. He was certain the other man had no idea what he was thinking in that moment. Though it was possible he could likely realize at some point.

Leken seemed a little in shock as the other man showed that he was not bruised, bleeding, or hurting because of him. The displayed flesh made him very attentive. He noticed markings on the man he had not noticed before and the lack of markings that were a strong sign of what his abilities were capable of producing.

Leiken's expression seemed to lighten, an overwhelming sense of relief filled him, causing him to slid his arms up around the other man's excitedly hugging him. "I didn't hurt you.. i didn't freaking hurt you! " he declared with a tone that was not common of him. True happiness. He was truly happy that he had managed to keep it together. Now the real questionw as how long would that last. Or would he ever be able to do it again? or if that day was just a fluke. Either way .

"This isn't a trick is it? you didn't do something to calm me own or make me think you helped me progress is it?" he huffed in a mildly embarrassed tone while watching the man's facial reactions to his question.

[Vincent Meian]

Though the embarrassed tinting of Lei's skin passed away quickly, Vincent didn't know it for what it was. Many people he knew became nervous and flushed when he looked them in the eyes and held their gaze; Nik said it was because of his intensity, though he wasn't sure he believed her in that case. Either way, it wasn't even noted and the pride grew as he saw his student's face light up as it did.


He really looked like a child when he chose to smile properly.


This hug surprised him even more than the last one, and the taller man nearly toppled as the boy almost literally jumped into his arms. His breath came out in a sharp exhalation, but what came later was something so very rare that it hadn't been heard more than a few dozen times in over twenty years.


Vincent Meian laughed. Not "chuckled". Laughed.


The sound reverberated in the room, amused and happy in the way only a parent can be when a child does something unexpectedly beautiful. The laugh was short, but it ended naturally, and the remnants of it remained on his face long after he stopped, crinkling at the corners of his eyes even without a smile.


"I do not know if what I have done has helped you or not," he replied, "though it is my sincere hope that it has. You are doing well, Lei - I am proof that you will succeed, if you only try."

[Leiken Chu]

The sound of Vincent's laugh made Lei's heart flutter. His ability would become a bit shakey, but for the time being it was silenced within him. Something that he could not begin to explain. Nor could he begin to explain how much relief it brought to him.

That laugh was so lovely that Lei had found himself wishing he could hear it more. "You have more than you know. " he stated with smile of his own. A genuine one that was rarely to grace his features. Perhaps not as rare as Vincent's laugh, but still quite rare for him.

"I didn't hurt you! I didn't hurt anyone for the first time! M..maybe i can do this. maybe.. " he seemed a bit embarrassed. "Maybe i can trust you..for now!" Lei was so happy that he didn't even realize what he'd done until after it had passed. He hugged his arms tighter around the taller male, leaning up to him, and pressing his lips to vincent's firmly. Though whether it was due to an overwhelming emotion or a simple 'thank you' it was left to be a mystery. Or was it?

[Vincent Meian]

Vincent had been about to congratulate the boy yet again and perhaps give him a message of encouragement. He may have even been about to tell him how proud he was that he'd done so well without knowing it. There were any number of things that could have come from that mouth at that particular moment with that student.


Every single one of those thoughts vanished immediately the moment's Lei's lips touched his.


Honestly, a part of him shouldn't have been surprised or even really caught unawares by this; he'd been expecting it since that day in his office and was looking for signs with concern and hawkish attention to detail. He should have known this was coming and been prepared for it; stopped this before it got that far. But... he hadn't. Something about his student's smile made the soldier forget that this was an eighteen year old boy, one who had a habit of attaching himself to figures of authority who made him feel safe. In a way, he should have had pride in that - he finally broke through the icy shell enough to see the kid inside.


But what had it cost?


As a technophile friend of his in Japan once said, the contact had flipped the breakers in his brain, making the overly tall man stop thinking for a moment. Everything went blank, and then came the manual reboot; where he was, who this kid was to him, and what was happening. It took every ounce of willpower the older man had to remain calm.


Even still, he wasn't sure he was doing that great a job of it.


Somewhat dazed, he remained as he was until Lei pulled away moments later, staring at the boy with shock written all over his face. He looked away quickly, his tan features flushing from pink to crimson in seconds as he fiddled with the bandanna around his forehead. He didn't speak, and he didn't try to for a long minute. He was just trying to gather his thoughts back together. When he did speak, it came out quiet and low, though different than the other times he'd spoken softly. His words were carefully chosen, and he didn't look at his student when he said them.


"...Training is over for today. Well done."