I Can't Abide Him Making Fun of my Stutter (Juney)

[Amos Freeman]

Amos shut the door to his dorm room with anemic force. He leaned against it from the inside. His breathing was ragged and quick; his thoughts were venomous and racing; his mind, of course, was still trapped in his body while he was forced to recuperate.

He kicked a box of paper recycling across the room; it landed with a loud crash on the other side. And then there was silence.

And that had kind of hurt his ankle.

And he would have to pick that up later....

Defeated, he plopped down on top of his mountain of blankets, face-down, and let out a long, sorrowful, muffled growl.

The other boy's words were playing on an endless loop in his frenetic mind. He had just been trying to help by getting the truth out. He thought of Appoline, who had asked him in a worried tone over the phone to do whatever he could to stop the weird rumors. He had promised her he would do his best; why should her family have to suffer for whatever Leiken did?

And on that note, Amos thought with a considerably darker tone, when Lei had condescendingly spit out his side of the story, he had obviously, equally condescendingly, left out some pertinent details.

There was more to the situation, and it was killing him. He was a seeker of truth... he uncovered things like this and displayed them for people to judge for themselves. Well, normally, anyway. There was one very important thing standing in his way this time.

Juniper.

Much to his surprise and distaste, just thinking about her sent a jolting pang through his senses. She was still there with Leiken, comforting him, understanding him, because she couldn't do anything else with anyone. She was just that way, he knew that.

The other boy had totally misunderstood his proposition, insulted his intelligence, mocked his stutter, and his best friend still consented to stay at his side.

Why did that hurt his feelings? He knew better.

He also knew that the fact that everyone had the potential for good did not mean they exercised it on a regular basis, or even entertained the idea.

With a pitiful sniffle, he pulled himself into a sitting position on top of Mount Comforter and crossed his legs. This position was ideal for Amos to view himself in the mirror on his wall, and he stared into his own eyes for some time. He wasn't intimidating by a long stretch of anyone's imagination, least of all his own. Nobody had any reason to take him seriously.

He reached for his laptop with a compulsive, almost twitch-like movement and opened the lid. It whirred to life. The only window open was a single blank document in Microsoft Word. The cursor blinked at him steadily, begging him to put it to good use.

He clenched his fists.

The Meian family has released a statement assuring all those at Hammel who have been concerned that Mr. Meian, well-respected teacher and trainer to many, is en route to a speedy and complete recovery. This reporter has followed up in person to confirm.

Temptation burned inside of him for a moment, white-hot and excruciating.

There was no sound in the room except the methodical, eerily fast clicking of laptop keys.

The other party involved in the incident, Leiken Chu, assured this reporter that the situation is nothing but a misunderstanding and declined to comment on the other, less-than-savory aspects produced by the Hammel rumor mill.

He shut the lid with a snap.

[Juniper Birdsong]

Juniper sighed heavily as she entered the dorms, feeling unusually upset at the turn of events that had just happened. She still really didn't know what had gone on in the exchange between Amos and Leiken, but she knew that she was going to have to find out at least why they had both seemed so upset with each other when she arrived. She had heard Lei's side of the story - Amos had been trying to get information for a story - but she refused to believe her best friend had been anything but just curious and concerned.

She stepped up the stairs, her feet making hardly a sound against them as she made her way to the co-ed floor.

Since she was pretty certain Amos would have holed himself in his room after the incident, she assumed that would be the best place to look for him, and headed there with quick steps, giving his door a quick knock before stepping inside, her head bowed slightly as she entered the room. "Hey Amy," she said quietly, looking up to see him sitting on his bed, his laptop closed in front of him with a less-than-pleased expression on his face. "Is... Is everything okay?"

Obviously it wasn't, but she thought it was as good a question as any to start with. "I'm sorry I didn't follow you out, I... I wanted to make sure he was okay." She paused. "You guys fought about something, didn't you?" Even her, in her naivety and innocence, could see that much.

After another moment of hesitation, she went over to his bed and jumped lightly onto it next to him, letting the air help lift and soften her fall so it almost looked like she floated for a brief moment. She pulled him into a hug then, wrapping both arms around his waist so she could cuddle against his side. Hugs made everything better, right?

[Amos Freeman]

Amos didn't look up when Juniper entered the room. There was no need; he already knew who it would be.

"Yeah," he replied, barely audible. "I mean, sorry, I guess I made it kind of awkward. I shouldn't have done that."

His hand curled into a fist on top of his laptop. After a few seconds, he slid it on the other side of the bed so that she had room to sit down.

He cleared his throat, suppressing a cough with relative success.

"Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine. I mean, I understand. He's your friend too."

He grit his teeth instinctively after he said that, as though it had cost him physical effort.

But I'm your best friend.

He didn't dare say it out loud.

It wasn't like it was her fault....

"Um, Mr. Meian wanted me to do a small update in the Bugle so, um," his voice began to crack. "So that I could set the record straight, and um, people would stop spreading weird rumors. I asked Lei if he, uh, you know, wanted to say anything."

A moment of silence passed in which Amos inhaled deeply.

"He didn't."

A whole host of other, less kind words were trying to fight their way out of his mouth, but he repressed them.

He tensed a little as she wrapped her arms around him, then relaxed. He hung his head, picking at his comforter.

He couldn't bring himself to say anything else. If Juniper didn't understand him, who in the whole wide world ever could?

[Juniper Birdsong]

Juniper knew Amos well enough to know when he was keeping things from her, and a frown tugged at her mouth as she gazed at him with concerned eyes. He was being pretty short with her, and that above all else that had happened today made her the most upset. They had hardly ever in their however-many-year-long friendship gotten into any fights of any kind, and even then, they were small. If he was upset with her, she was going to fix it as quickly as she could.

"You didn't make it awkward. I was just afraid that you guys weren't getting along or something, and... And I want all of my friends to get along." It was a simple wish that just couldn't always be granted.

She paused as he spoke again, then quietly replied,"He is, but you're my best friend. I love you so much, Amos." She had no idea she was repeating what he was already thinking in his head. "He's just... Troubled." That was the mildest way to put it.

Juniper pressed her head into his side as she listened to him talk, breathing in deeply and letting her breath out slowly. "Oh," she said simply. Well, that was basically what Lei had said, right? That Amos had asked for something for the paper. Apparently the injured boy had just taken it the wrong way.

"Well.... I guess he's just shy about being in the paper?" she asked, giving a doe-eyed look up at him. There was something else though, she sensed. He wasn't telling her the entire story either. What had happened that they both felt like they needed to shield her from the truth?

"You can tell me anything, Amos," she murmured, speaking into his shirt once again. "You know you can." Nothing, absolutely nothing, would ever push her away from her best friend. Ever.

[Amos Freeman]

"I know you do," Amos said, his tone softened to such a degree that it was now barely a whisper. "I don't blame you for that. I never have."

He stared at the comforter even more intently. It was not doing its job.

"I love you too. It's just that..." he trailed off, uncertain. Juniper lived in such a wonderful world, a world where everyone was happy and did happy things and strived for happiness. Every time he had ever been forced to spoil it, which had happened very sparsely in their long friendship, he always felt guilty afterwards.

"I don't really think he was shy, Juney. I think he was afraid. Because I think he's done something, or he wanted to do something, or he's thinking about doing something that he's afraid of anyone finding out. And I... um, I just think, you know, think about what kind of person it takes, how troubled someone really is, to drag an entire family into a mess like that and then not want to correct it."

He furrowed his eyebrows and then made eye contact with her. His expression was unnaturally serious.

"I really do love you. You're like my family, except I love you more. I do." He finalized the statement before she could protest. "But not all people are sweetness and light on the inside, Juniper. Some people really will hurt you. And I don't know if I'd be able to do anything about it if... if he did."

Amos grit his teeth.

"He's hiding something and before I trust him I have to know what it is."

[Juniper Birdsong]

It was obvious something was on Amos's mind that he was trying to get out, and Juniper thought the best thing to do was just sit there with him until he was ready to speak it. She recognized that look on his face, and it always meant he was about to do something he didn't want to. She crossed her arms in front of herself and waited, her heart beating a little faster.

When he did speak, she stayed quiet, but her gaze slowly dropped from his face, to his chest, to his knees, and then to the blanket directly underneath her. She tried to process what he was saying in her head, but it was hard for her to quite understand. But what Lei had said echoed in her head.

"I'm a monster."

She looked up again with watery eyes as he looked her way, trying to keep her lips from quivering as he went on.

Sure, she lived in a world where everything was fine and perfect and she could heal everything with soup and hugs. She believed in goodness in everyone and just thought that affection and love could bring out the best in everyone.

So what Amos was telling her just struck a chord, even if she didn't want to believe it.

"He... He told me that he was a monster," she murmured, studying the blanket below her once again. "He said that... That I should stay away so he doesn't hurt me too." Her fingers gripped the comforter tightly, before she released it again and slumped against Amos, blinking rapidly as a few tears coursed down her cheeks. "But... But he felt bad for what he did, I could tell. Whatever happened between him and Mr. Meian, he felt horrible about it. I think it was just a bad, bad accident." She had to believe that.

"Maybe not everyone is completely good inside, Amos, but.... I think everyone has the ability to be that way." She was sure he knew she thought this way. "He's just hurt and scared and alone. Have you seen anyone else visit him in the infirmary?" Of course, she wasn't there all the time, but she didn't hear of any other company that visited him. "He may be hiding something, but it's probably because he doesn't have anyone he thinks he can trust because everyone is either afraid of him or just... I don't know. I just..." She buried her face in Amos's shirt again, sobbing a little. "I just don't want him to be alone and afraid."

[Amos Freeman]

Amos remained motionless as she cried into his shirt. He closed his eyes in an attempt to quell the pang of jealousy that he felt. In his irrational, angry state of mind, her tears felt like a knife in the back.

But she had cried for him once, too, when he hadn't had any friends.

"Look at me."

He put his hands gently on the sides of her face, his fingers resting on her temples.

"Juniper." He pulled her into a tight hug. "Hey. It's okay."

He was silent for a few moments, eyes closed, thinking hard, trying with all his might to let his anger go. Her gentle sobbing was the only sound in his cramped, slightly messy dorm room.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that to you."

A few more beats of silence elapsed. He gave her a tight squeeze before releasing her.

"He's not alone. He's got you. Right?"

[Juniper Birdsong]

Juniper didn't understand jealousy. If she had known how Amos felt about her actions, she simply wouldn't be able to grasp why he felt that way. She just wanted to make everyone feel happy around her and didn't see why she couldn't extend some kindness to a boy in need.

But she didn't know how Amos felt, so she couldn't say anything.

She rubbed at her eyes as he tilted her face up, hiccuping slightly as she looked at him.

"I know," she replied quietly, even though it didn't feel okay, not just then. She pulled herself close again, trying to find comfort in his familiar embrace, but what he had said had really hit a nerve, and she found it hard to spring out of this sadness she had suddenly found herself in. Usually she would only be sad or upset for a few seconds, and then be fine. Amos was just different - only he could make her realize the depth of a situation she refused to let herself see the entire picture of.

Still, she was in denial of the fact that Lei might be cruel or hurtful. He couldn't be - he had been so nice to her. But what of Amos? She couldn't ignore that.

"N-no, it's okay," she sniffled, blinking away her tears and trying to compose herself again. "I... I understand where you're coming from." Her cheek pressed against his chest before she pulled away, wrapping her arms around herself instead.

"Yeah... Yeah, he does," she nodded slowly. "But... I mean, I'm only me. I can only do so much." How did one try to go about healing someone that was obviously broken? She didn't know.

There was a moment of silence. Then,"He called me Princess."

[Amos Freeman]

The guilt was settling in, and Amos pursed his lips slightly. It had always been a major struggle for him to keep his critical assertions about others out of his conversations with Juney. He wondered if this time he had gone a little too far.

"You can do a lot more than you think," he said flatly, flopping back onto his mattress and rocking the whole bed. He took a long, slow, deep breath. He closed his eyes. There was a wet spot on his shirt that was making it stick to his chest, but he didn't have the energy or the heart to adjust it.

He opened one eye at her words, made a face, then closed it again.

"I hope you aren't going to take that sitting down. Everybody knows you're the queen. Uh, of stuffed animals, or skirts, or something."

He made a fart noise with his lips.

"He made fun of my stutter."

The anger had faded somewhat, and all that was left was regret and low self-esteem.

[Juniper Birdsong]

"I dunno, all I do is make clothes and soup and give people stuffed animals," Juniper replied, pouting. She looked over at Amos as he flopped onto his back, but stayed sitting up for the moment.

His words brought a faint smile to her lips.

"I'd love to be the queen of skirts and stuffed animals," she replied, reaching over to grab the penguin plushie that was still on his bed. "Are you one of my people, Truman?" she asked it quite seriously, before placing it carefully back on the bed.

She looked back over at Amos, frowning again. "That was mean," she did admit. She paused. Then added,"But your stutter is beautiful, Amy." It was little imperfections like that that made her love people.

Her heart was beginning to feel a little lighter again. Her cheerful nature was coming back into play. Without warning, she dived onto him and began tickling his sides, knowing that was where he was most ticklish. "I... Love.... You... Amos!" she giggled, ceasing after a few moments before flopping on top of him with a hug.

Juney just couldn't stay upset for long, especially when other people needed her to cheer them up.

[Amos Freeman]

"Right, that's all you do. And it helps that you're, like, happiness personified, which I've never been able to f-figure out."

He laughed at his own words, shaking his head. His eyes were still closed.

"It's life," he murmured, rolling over onto his side and playing with one of Truman's stuffed flippers. "Dad had to pay a small fortune in, uh, speech therapy to get rid of his stutter."

He pursed his lips, but found that he couldn't stay morose for some reason, so he laughed again.

He shied away from her tickling hands, rolling over onto his other side and curling up into a ball. It was moments like these, when they were both shaking with laughter, that he was sure he would remember forever. Sometimes he wrote portions of his memoir in his head.

"I love you too," he said finally, slightly out of breath but somehow pensive.

He was silent for a moment, then remembered something.

"Ah yeah, I need to tell you about New Hampshire."

[Juniper Birdsong]

"Happiness personified?" Juniper giggled, trying to imagine that. "I just like being happy! It's so much better than being sad or anxious or scared or mad." She felt those things too, of course, but on the rare occasions that she did, she usually tried to ignore them anyway. Today was sort of different - her love for others and need to make others happy was quite overpowering, and could be pretty draining on her.

"Oh really?" she asked curiously; she wondered if speech impairments were hereditary, or something. It kind of made sense. "Huh. Well, yours really isn't even all that noticeable, Amy. And it's more adorable than anything else."

She knew that Alto didn't mind either. That boy had trouble even speaking his mind sometimes.

Juniper kept breaking into small giggle fits even after she was done tickling him, but she tried to pay attention to what he was saying nonetheless.

"Ahehe... OH!" She sat up abrubtly, the mention of New Hampshire making her giddy all over again. "You do! What did you want to tell me?" Her eyes were wide and eager, and she pulled Truman close to herself again, hugging it to her chest. "Are you going home for Christmas?" Was he going to invite her? Was that what this was? Eeeee!

[Amos Freeman]

"Yeah, I guess it is," Amos murmured, pondering this tidbit of wisdom that was Juniper's reality.

He smiled a small half-smile at her kind words; he knew that Lei wouldn't have teased him about it if it hadn't been noticeable, but he appreciated the effort she was making to comfort him.

He cleared his throat.

"Um, not Christmas, because she and Joel are going to visit Gram on Christmas. But I thought I might take the bus down there the weekend after Christmas," he explained. "Like, uh, the 28th or something. If you don't have any plans, you could come stay."

He didn't go back to Manchester often, even though it was only a few hours away. He usually spent the most time there during spring break; that way, he could see his mom for Easter and go to the twins' birthday party during the same visit.

To be honest, he really didn't want to go alone.

It didn't feel like home to him.

"But yeah, um, let me know."

[Juniper Birdsong]

"Ooooh," Juniper breathed, her eyes still lit up. This was actually good anyway - she had been planning on spending Christmas day with her mom and Willow, although she hadn't actually made the plans yet. "That sounds wonderful! I would love to!" She had never visited there with him before, and this opportunity was definitely not going to be missed. "I don't think I have anything planned. I mean, I'll check, but I'm pretty sure I'm free."

If she did have something planned, she would do her best to move it to another date.

She beamed at him for another moment, before a stray thought popped into her head, and she suddenly had to talk about it because it felt very important. She wasn't quite sure what had brought it to mind - maybe her conversation with a sick Tanner the other day. Why did that come to mind all of a sudden? Huh.

"Hey..." she began, picking at his comforter as she thought. "You know how I went on that date with Jeff and all?" Of course he did, he had been the first person she had gushed about it to after the fact. "Well... I was talking to Tanner the other day, and it made me realize that... I have no idea how relationships work. I'm kinda clueless."

She was quiet for another moment, trying to collect her thoughts.

"I mean... I've never been kissed, you know? And I'm just... I'm afraid of my first one not... Being... What I hope it will be." Shooting him a sideways look, she continued. "I know you and Alto... You know... Kiss a lot. Could you maybe... I don't know... Help me so that if and when the time comes, I won't mess it all up?" It was an innocent enough question, and she didn't realize at the moment how it could be taken the wrong way. She didn't mean it like that....

[Amos Freeman]

"Awesome," Amos said, grinning. He was more relieved than he wanted to admit. He hoped his mom wouldn't mind company....

He also hoped Joel wouldn't be in one of his... moods.

Her soft call to his attention snapped him out of this thought, and he looked at her expectantly.

"Hmm? Yeah, I remember."

He blinked a few times, then nodded slowly.

"Right. Tanner."

He observed her face as she talked about him. He smiled to himself for a few brief moments... until she finished her thought.

"Um," he stuttered a bit; he hadn't exactly been expecting this particular turn in the conversation. He studied her face again. She didn't look as nervous as he was sure she would if she was asking him... well, what it sounded like she was asking him.

Just to be sure, he offered a succinct, slightly bewildered,

"Huh?"

Even the pale, lightly freckled bridge of his nose was flushed.