Forgive and Forget (Ravyn)

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Crazy thing about deja vu, it could show up in the oddest of times. Hammel had become his home away from home even after he'd graduated. He was always at Hammel nowadays anyway due to Callie and on occasion he'd visit a few other people he'd become friends with. Most of the time though, it was just Callie because she was one of the closest friends he had anymore. His most recent visit to the dorms however had been to his former dorm room to see Noah. That had ended fairly civilly and he had no regrets from it. They'd both acted like adults and that was all he'd wanted.

That being said, he wasn't about to share his deepest darkest secrets to Noah, but they were on better terms than they'd ended. Unfortunately though, a few words that Noah had said had stuck with Luc and made him feel guilty. They'd discussed how Ravyn felt about him and of course Luc knew she no longer felt that way, nor did he really have any residual feelings for her. But he'd gone to Noah to see if what Ravyn had said had been the truth and it was. Luc had doubted her though and the guilt had started nagging at him.

Back and forth he'd been debating on texting her and seeing how she was doing, but he always stopped himself because he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He didn't want to end up getting angry with her again in case it was possible and he was afraid that if he discussed how he was feeling towards Callie that she would get mad at him. All around it was quite complex and it was proving to be much more difficult becoming friends again.

So when his phone buzzed and that familiar name came flashing across the screen, he had to admit that he was surprised. The message summed up had been telling him exactly what he'd been wanting to tell her. They both missed each other and both were wondering how the other was doing. It was all the incentive he needed to talk to her. He'd told her that he wanted a day with her, a couple hours of talking and just hanging out like they used to. Thankfully she'd agreed and so he found himself at her dorm (after telling Callie of course), with some ice cream (because what girl didn't love ice cream) and his guitar strapped to his back because he didn't trust his stupid roommate alone with it.

Tapping on the door, Luc opened it and peeked inside, "Hey Rae, I brought ice cream. It's your favorite kiiind!" He called out before stepping past the threshold.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn didn't know about Lucah's talk with Noah, and maybe it was better that way. She had debated with herself for hours about whether or not she should text Lucah - after her talk with Noah, she felt the need to turn to someone, although she wasn't sure who. Lucah had popped into her mind after a while, mostly because confessing to Noah had made her feel much more exposed than usual, which also returned her feelings of guilt for what she had done to the Romanian boy.

Finally, she had steeled herself and sent him a message, making it as simple but honest as possible. She hated that they hadn't been talking, and desperately hoped that he could forgive her, because life without him was just... Hard. And she needed to know if she could make anything right again.

Apparently she could, because he had messaged her back with positivity and was on his way over. She decided to play it safe and dress in her modest pajamas, making no effort to look overly put-together. She didn't want either of them to feel tempted to make this anymore than a friendly meeting, because Ravyn wouldn't be able to handle that. Not now.

She stood and tried to put on a smile as she heard a knock on the door. As Lucah opened it and peeked inside with his greeting, Ravyn wrapped her arms over her chest and gave a small laugh. "You didn't need to do that," she told him, then added,"But I'm glad you did." She debated on whether or not she should give him a hug, and decided to leave it up to him. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable in any way. She grabbed a few spoons and went back to sit on her bed, motioning him to set his guitar wherever he wanted. "Thanks... You know... For coming over," she told him quietly. "I wasn't sure you'd ever talk to me again."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

The added pep in his step could be something of a shock to anyone who knew this boy. He very rarely ever had a pep in his step, in fact, it took a lot for him to even crack a smile sometimes. He liked to blame it on the fact that he was losing his mind quite slowly, but surely. That or he could just say he was trying so hard for things to go back to how they used to be. He hated that they didn’t talk anymore and he hated that their friendship may not be mended. But Luc was going to try. He was going to try to smooth things over and show her that he wasn’t lying when he said he’d always be there for her.

After he stepped inside, he placed the ice cream on the counter, and set his guitar to the side. Once he was no longer bogged down with items, he strode over to her in just a few steps and gave her a friendly hug, something he’d wanted to do for quite some time. Giving her a light squeeze, he stepped back again with a smile on his face and allowed her to head towards the kitchen, “Well I figured girls usually liked ice cream especially if they are a little stressed. I mean, if you’re texting me after being such a jerk to you, I knew there had to be something wrong.” He cracked a bit of a smile and sat beside her. “I couldn’t last that long without talking to you, hun. Despite all that has happened, you’re still one of the only people I have ever really been able to talk to.”

Lucah leaned back on her bed and looked up at the ceiling, “So, all that mushy stuff aside, what’s been up with you lately, babe? I mean it’s been a couple months since we’ve really talked. Which sucked by the way.” He laughed quietly and looked back at her trying not to be too obvious in how much he wanted things to be normal again. It wasn’t working so well in his favor though.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn was quite surprised at how optimistic Lucah was being - for one, he was never like that, except maybe those couple dates they went on before the whole cheating thing happened. And also, the fact that he had come over at all was a shock to her, let alone he was acting so... Happy. She briefly toyed with the thought that he was drunk or high, but dismissed it. He wasn't like that. Still, it was strange.

She gave a small intake of breath at the hug, squeezing her eyes closed as he wrapped his arms around her. Ravyn hugged him back, albeit a little weakly, since she hadn't been expecting it. "You have no idea how good ice cream sounds right now," she agreed softly, with a small smile. When he continued, she winced and looked away. "I don't blame you for acting like that," she said quietly. "I'm shocked you wanted to come over at all." She looked back over at him. "But I'm glad you did. I... I miss you." His use of the word hun threw her off even more, but she managed to hide it as he sat beside her. "Well, I'm glad you feel comfortable talking to me," she murmured, unable to meet his gaze when he was so close. She didn't want to do anything rash.

Ravyn followed his movement and set her hands back on the bed to prop herself up. She let out a weary breath. "A lot of stuff," she replied. "It's been... Interesting, that's for sure." She looked over at him, once again bewildered by his word choice. Either he was trying to make her feel better, or he had some other reason she didn't know. "It did suck," she agreed. At least it was something they shared in common. "But you're here now, so hopefully things will go back to the way they used to be." Well, not completely - she didn't think they would ever get back together, mostly because she knew he couldn't trust her, she couldn't trust herself, and she was already in love with someone else. "What about you? College kicking you ass yet?" At least she was managing to get a little more like her usual self, since he was acting so... Bubbly.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

“Ice cream makes everything better. It’s cold and sweet, like me, only holding the sweet and adding incredibly attractive,” He laughed at his joke and didn’t even make things awkward by trailing off. Luc was utterly determined to make things run smoothly. He just couldn’t take not having her as a friend anymore and after talking to Noah, he’d realized it was time to make amends. Things between them could go back to how they’d been before the cheating incident, but with a few differences. One being that he couldn’t ever let himself fall for her again. It was strictly a friend thing now.

Luc shook his head, “No, I was out of line. My mother raised me better than to act so rude to a woman no matter the situation. And you were one of my best friends, that incident shouldn’t have changed anything. It happens to the best of us and I’m not a saint so I had no room to judge you.” Thinking back to the days when he’d been Romania’s noble manwhore. Oh how Dimitri had loved those years when he’d find his son with another girl every other day. Luc had been a douchebag before being able to handle relationships.

“I’m here now; you don’t have to miss me anymore because I’m not going to allow for us to go years without talking again.” He rubbed her arm lightly in a comforting way before waiting for her answer to his question. He was surprising himself with his choice of words. Back before everything, when they’d been merely friends even before they’d dated the first time he’d called her hun and babe, but it had been quite a long time since then and for him to go back to it now was strange. Few people ever had any form of pet name from him. They were lucky if they did.

Luc raised an eyebrow at the ‘interesting’ in question. “Interesting how? Interesting as in bad and in which I have to beat someone to a pulp or interesting good in which we can have celebratory ice cream eating?” He was beginning to sound like Jezebel when she was in her happy moods always rambling, but in the cutest way. Her question had him nodding and sighing. “It is kicking my ass. Not so much the classes because I can hold my own in a class discussion, but the people are. I mean c’mon you’ve heard the raucous that surrounds my hallway,” He laughed shortly, but it trailed into silence when he realized the only real time she’d heard it was the night he’d found out.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn couldn't help but chuckled at Lucah's words - he was still the same, really. "Agreed," she said simply, deciding not to boost his ego anymore by continuing. She was glad they could be friends, too, but she couldn't lie and say she wasn't still attracted to him to some degree - she just wouldn't allow herself to dwell on them. it was enough for her to be able to ignore, mainly just by thinking about the guy she had cheated on him with...

She shrugged uncomfortably. In her mind, she deserved everything he had done and said to her, and more. But if he was willing to apologize, she wasn't going to turn it down. "Thanks," she murmured, averting her eyes. "I... I'm just glad you don't hate me." He had to feel at least some sort of dislike, or at least distrust, for her, still. No one was that forgiving.

Looking over at him again, Ravyn gave a small smile. "Good. Because I couldn't handle that." Dealing with the fact that Noah didn't return her feelings, at least at the moment, was hard enough to take - at least now she had someone back in her life that she hadn't expected. It was a welcome relief. She shivered slightly at his touch, but rather than from the closeness like it used to be, it was more from just the general coolness of his skin.

His question had her looking up at the ceiling, contemplating the answer. "Interesting as in... I can't seem to get myself out of these messes I keep putting myself in." First it had been Cam (which had, fortunately, ended up far better than she could have hoped), then Lucah, and now, she was stuck in a rut with Noah. "I don't know how much you want to know, though," she added quietly. After all, this was the guy she had cheated on Lucah she was talking about. She didn't want to make him storm out of the room before they could even catch up. Ravyn looked over at him again as he answered her question, glad to change the subject. Not so glad, though, when she remembered that night, too. She grimaced. "Uh, yeah, I remember," she replied in a low voice, laying back completely on her bed so she didn't have to look at him. "I'm... Sorry t hear it hasn't gotten any better." What else could she say?

[Lucah Ivaskov]

It was for the best that she didn’t add anything to what he’d said because he didn’t want to hear it. Maybe it was mean, but he didn’t want to hear anything like that from her ever again he was sure. Friends was one thing, and sure they complimented each other, but not by agreeing with the level of attractiveness about that friend. Luc just couldn’t handle hearing her say it. Not after what happened.

Maybe she did deserve everything, maybe she didn’t. Who knew? Either way, Luc was taught differently and though he regretted going back to her in the first place, they both made poor decisions and it got in the way of their friendship. Yes, he was still angry with her and no he didn’t really trust her anymore, but he wasn’t going to just let that get in the way of everything. Despite everything that happened, he did want to at least try to save the friendship he’d once had. “I couldn’t hate you Rae, you’re far too much like my sister for that,” He just hoped Jezebel wouldn’t end up cheating on a guy with ‘just a friend.’

Luc nodded and smiled slightly, “Neither could I. Bad enough my attitude got my sister taken away from me, I don’t want a repeat of that.” Because Ravyn really did remind him of Jezebel. The love of birds, the appearance even, they were a lot alike. At this point though, Lucah wasn’t sure if Jez should meet Ravyn any time soon because the younger girl was none too pleased with the situation.

“Well, I’m not sure if I’m the right person to offer advice on getting yourself into messy situations, but I’m here with ice cream and an empty night so you can tell me whatever you want.” Sure, he didn’t particularly want to hear about Noah and how he didn’t feel the same way about Ravyn, but this was his friend and he was going to try and suffer through it for her. If anything, he could smile and nod his way through it. Lucah was a very insightful person and he knew how guys thought so perhaps he could offer her some peace of mind. At least he was going to try. “It’s whatever, I’m hoping for a different roommate next year,” He said with a laugh. Though he did enjoy being an annoyance to Andy, which was always entertaining. “Alright, I’m gonna scoop the ice cream, you poor your heart out to me and I’ll see what I can do, sound good?”

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn smiled to herself at his comparison. "I would still love to meet Jezebel someday," she told him honestly. It sounded like they would get along really well. She just wondered what the girl would think of her, if Lucah had told her about what she had done. Maybe they wouldn't get along so well. Ravyn thought about her own brother - he wouldn't give a damn if someone cheated on her. He'd probably say she deserved it, or could learn a lesson about being too open with her heart.

Her eyes saddened as he mentioned his sister again. "That sounds horrible," she told him. His sister obviously meant the world to him, which made her perception of him rise even more. Sure, he was cold to most people, but once you really got to know him, he was incredibly sweet. Filled with sudden affection, Ravyn wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug. He was cold, but not enough to deter her. He deserved hugs.

"That's okay... Sometimes it's just nice to have someone to talk to. I don't expect anyone to have advice for me, really. I majorly screwed up everything," she mumbled into his shirt before pulling away. "Ice cream sounds amazing now, though," she added, going to grab a couple spoons as he spoke. Ravyn frowned sympathetically at his predicament. "If I was going to college, I'd say you could room with me," she offered with a light laugh. "But I think I'm going to do something else. I'm just not sure what yet." She nodded and beamed as he went to get the ice cream, taking the bowl when he offered it to her and taking a big bite. It tasted like Heaven. "Ohmygod, this is amazing," she told him, letting out a content sigh. "You're the best." She mulled over how best to bring up what was certain to be an awkward subject. "Are... You sure you want to hear about it?" she asked, slumping slightly. "I mean... It's not... You're not going to like it." She secretly thought that he might get some sick pleasure out of her predicament, but knew it wasn't true.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Giving her a smile he nodded, “I’d like for you to meet her, too. I think you two would really get along famously and she needs someone closer to her age to help her out with the whole ‘changing into a woman’ thing. Naus does okay of course, but I think she needs someone younger.” And even if Jez wasn’t pleased with Ravyn now, that little girl couldn’t stay mad at anyone for long and once she realized just how similar the two of them were, she’d adore Ravyn. Luc didn’t have a doubt in his mind about that.

Seeing her expression change, he shrugged, “It happens. Especially when dealing with a father like mine. He’s just so very pleasant.” Luc rolled his eyes, his tone taking a bitter edge. He hadn’t meant to bring that up because it was the last thing he wanted to be thinking about. Dimitri was a prick and Lucah hated the fact that they were related. Feeling arms wrap around his torso, he tensed the tiniest bit, but then relaxed and hugged her back. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to get into that.”

“Well no matter how much you screw up, there are a lot of things that can be fixed. You never know, maybe this is one of those things,” He said softly as he rubbed her back. Luc really had missed her. He missed her hugs and being able to talk to her about anything. Raising his eyebrow he looked at her, “No college? Well I mean you have until the end of the year I suppose to decide what you really want to do, but Ray, you shouldn’t take college out of the mix. You might regret it later.” He handed her the bowl and curled up on her bed with his own. The cool lactose treat hit his tongue and he relaxed. He definitely preferred cold things. Flashing her a smile he continued to watch her, waiting for her to tell him something. “I’m sure I won’t like it, but it’s not really about me right now Ravyn. This is about you and that’s what I want to know about. I don’t care if it has to do with him or not. I’m over what happened, I promise.” Lie. He wanted to believe he was, but there was still a little sliver of pain that hid in the back of his mind.

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn grinned gently, letting out a laugh. "I could try to help her out, I suppose, but I'm still trying to figure that all out myself," she admitted. "I'm still a kid inside, really. But I don't want to let that part of me go." She and Cam had talked about this before - how they wished they could just stay young and carefree forever. But that just wasn't possible. "But yeah, give me a time, and I'll do my best to give some advice," she concluded, already musing over what she could say.

"Sounds like it," she agreed sarcastically, still frowning. Maybe it was something he needed to vent to her about. "If you ever need to talk, or rant, or anything, just let me know, okay? I'm not always the best with advice, but I'm a great listener." She relaxed slightly as he hugged her back - she hadn't been sure if the rash movement had been a good idea, but at least he didn't seem to mind.

"I sure hope so," she mumbled sadly, thinking it was anything but. There was always hope, but she just felt stuck in a rut with this. He rubbed the sensitive area between her wings, and she shivered slightly, automatically sighing at the touch. "That feels nice," she murmured as they broke apart. She caught his eye as he spoke, shrugging a little sheepishly. "I mean, I'm not ruling it out entirely. I was thinking about maybe... Spending another year or two at Hammel. As a recruiter or dorm monitor or something." It wasn't a set plan yet, but she knew that she wanted to stay around the area. Too many things were keeping her here. "And then maybe I can go to college later," she added, flopping back down on her bed. She swirled the spoon around her bowl as he continued talking, still feeling bad, but knowing he wanted her to tell him what was up. "You're so generous," she told him quietly, giving him an small, adoring smile. "I mean, if you're sure...." She hesitated and took another bite, trying to think of the best way to go about this. "Basically, I.... I told Noah I was in love with him, and he shot me down." Well. That was short and to the point. It was amazing how something that hurt her so much could be summed up so easily. "And now... Now I don't know what to do."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah laughed with her and nodded, “I wish I had that part of me still. I grew up pretty fast and never really got to enjoy being a child.” He had been six years old when his mother died and he helped raise Jezebel from infancy until he was forced to leave her. At that point he practically acted like an adult himself. It was also a reason that very few kids his age had gotten along with him, he didn’t partake in make believe things and he had very little imagination. “Good, she’s going to hate me for this, but I’m prepared with several people that will help her with the boys/girls thing because that talk would be far too awkward for me.”

If he was going to talk to anyone about the personal issues he had he wasn’t sure it would be Ravyn. Yes, he was trying to fix this friendship, but talking to her in depth about his family life wasn’t something he wanted to trust her with yet. If anything he’d probably go to Callie because she always tended to make him smile a little more and take his mind off of the topic. “Uhm, thanks. I’ve been trying to not talk about it because honestly it just reminds me more of how much I miss her.”

He hadn’t been paying attention while he rubbed her back, it was a force of habit to rub between her wings because he had done that back when they were dating. He pulled his hand away when they broke apart trying to ignore the flash of irritation he felt towards her still. “I see, well either way it’s up to you. I just don’t want you to make the mistake of ruling it out.” That would have been his life had he done what his father wanted. Getting married last year and taking over the family business. No thanks. “I’ve already told you that I’m sure,” He pointed out before waiting for her to continue. Lucah’s teeth ground together as she spoke and instantly he regretted listening to this. No, he didn’t care for Ravyn that way anymore because time had passed and his feelings were fading, but that didn’t make him any less bitter. “Well, I’m not particularly sure how he feels, but either way the best thing you can do is give him space and not act weird. If you keep pushing at him, it’ll have the opposite effect that you want and he’ll snap. If you let him figure things out on his own, either your friendship will stay the same and your feelings will fade or he’ll figure out that he feels the same and you’ll end up together. But that’s just what I think. I don’t know for sure.”

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn frowned sympathetically. "That's sad. Well, if you ever feel the need to watch Disney movies or anything, I have a bunch," she offered with a slightly embarrassed grin. She thought he needed to relax more, to let himself try not to take life so seriously all the time. She knew he had had a rough time growing up, and she wanted to help him however she could. She still really cared about him. "I could try to do that," she laughed. Not like she had the best experience in that department, though. And she had only recently experienced her first time, and wasn't really planning on having it happen again soon. Not unless she managed to find some sort of stable relationship, which she wasn't sure she could see happening in her near future at all.

If he didn't want to talk to her, she understood, but the offer was there if he ever needed it. "I understand," she told him softly, playing with the fabric from her bed between her fingers. Maybe it wasn't so good that she reminded him of his sister.

"I'm not ruling it out entirely. Just trying to consider my options, you know?" Who knew? Maybe her mind would change and she would decide that Hammel or Pilot Ridge wasn't right for her anymore. A lot could happen in the six or seven months left before graduation. Even though Lucah tried to hide it, Ravyn caught the tension in his jaw as she spoke, and instantly regretted saying anything. He didn't need to listen to her whine. That just wasn't right. Still, he was offering advice, and she took another bite of ice cream as he spoke, unable to lift her eyes to meet his. She nodded; it was all good advice, although much different from what Carter had told her. Now she was at a sort of conflict, but she wasn't going to tell him that. "Thanks for the advice. I'll keep it in mind," she said, hoping not to dwell on the subject. The room felt like it had dropped a couple degrees, and she pulled a blanket off of her bed to wrap around herself. She finished off the last of the ice cream before managing to look him in the eye again. "I don't want to keep talking about it, though. It's not fair to you. So how about we talk about something else?" Not the smoothest of transitions, but hopefully it would work.