Is It the End of the World? (Amos)

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn was having a rough night. Between her trip to Russia, her encounter with Lei, her difficulties with her brother and her dad's recent passing, she was bursting with bitter emotions that she just couldn't quite handle alone. It was the day before New Year's Eve, for crying out loud, and there were parties going on already, but she wasn't having anything to do with them. She just wasn't in the mood to be social.

Instead, she had her TV turned on to some random station that she wasn't really watching, and had cracked open a couple hard lemonades for the evening. Nothing strong, of course - she wasn't looking to get wasted - but something to hopefully help take care of the overwhelming feelings she was dealing with tonight.

They still had yet to really kick in. She huffed and stood up from where she was laying on her bed, crossing her arms in front of herself and pacing back and forth across her room before letting out a pitiful sound and kicking her trash bin against the wall, creating a loud thud that she just ignored. She didn't really care if anyone heard. She was too busy trying to keep herself from leaping out of her window and flying out into the night. It was snowing, and she knew she would probably freeze to death if she tried.

It sounded oddly pleasant, actually. She stopped where she was, lifting her gaze to the window, before walking slowly over to it and peering into the night. It looked so peaceful, and welcoming. Without really thinking, she cracked open the window and let the icy wind rush into her room, embracing her in its bitter comfort. She would just stand there for a while until she was numb. Maybe that would be effective.

[Amos Freeman]

Amos was huddled over his laptop. He had been dealing with some weird, overtly sexual, and quite threatening Tumblr messages recently.

The thought perturbed him, but it was possible that he had finally run out of witty things to say to his bullies.

A thud against the wall broke his concentration, and he looked around the room with a slightly bewildered look before registering its probable location. He shared his left wall with Ravyn, which was usually a delight and very rarely a hindrance to his writing. That was one of the major reasons that he liked Ravyn, in fact.

Of course, if the rumors were to be believed, not many people did like Ravyn anymore.

He pursed his lips at this and closed the lid to his computer with a snap.

He padded out into the shared hallway in his purple-sock-covered feet and stopped in front of his roommate's door.

"Er," he said very quietly, hardly enough to be audible and certainly not enough to garner anyone's attention. He knocked on the door twice. "Ravyn? You okay?"

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to be standing by her open window with nothing but pajama bottoms and a tanktop on, but Ravyn welcomed the goosebumps that raised on her skin, and the freezing cold that bit into her flesh that normally made her want to curl up in a blanket with a warm cup of tea. She didn't want those kinds of comforts. They wouldn't do anything to fill the small holes that were tearing into her, slowly but surely pulling her apart.

Her eyes were dry as she stared at her hands resting on the windowsill. Crying was pointless. It wouldn't bring back anything. It wouldn't fix a relationship that she never had with her father, and now never would have. She didn't know how to feel about the death of a man she hardly knew, but he was her dad, no matter how little of an influence he had in her life. She had always hoped that some day, they might be able to have some sort of bond. She could help him with his abuse problems, and they could be a family. But now, that could never happen. Dominic had told her her hopes were pointless anyway, but that didn't stop her from dreaming it.

She needed to get her head out of the clouds and stop dreaming so damn much.

A knock against her door startled her out of her thoughts, and her head snapped back to where the sound had come from. Apparently someone had heard her kicking the bin against the wall. She paused, contemplating ignoring him, but let out a weary sigh and went to open the door. It was Amos, after all, and he never showed anything to her but kindness.

"Hey, Amos," she greeted him tiredly. "Um. Not really. Sorry if I bothered you, it won't happen again." She left her door open and went over to her dresser, taking a sip from a bottle. "Want something to drink?" she asked flatly. "I don't have anyone else to share it with." She didn't mean to be so neutral with him - she really did like him - but she just found it hard to care about anything just then.

[Amos Freeman]

Amos wasn't exactly sure what kind of answer he had been expecting to his question, but the direct and negative reply was both startling and refreshing. After all, she didn't look happy; if she had lied, he would have known.

"It's fine," he murmured. Amos wasn't exactly the most comforting of people, nor the most affectionate, but he could sympathize with someone when they were clearly upset. "Um, I was just checking."

His eyes scanned the room, studied the open window, lingered on the alcohol, then locked with the girl's. He took a few steps into the room and closed the door behind him.

"Thanks," he replied to her offer, reaching out and taking one of the bottles. He cracked it open and took a long sip. He squinted at the burn in the back of his throat, but kept it to himself.

He shivered a little.

"Er," he began again, not sure if she had meant for him to take a drink and leave. "Do you... um, wanna talk about it?"

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn's eyes softened just a little as he spoke, feeling a little bad for being so blunt with him. But she just couldn't find it in herself to act otherwise. "Thanks, you know, for checking," she replied as she turned away. At least someone cared enough to check on her. "It's been a quiet night."

She went back and sat on her windowsill again, cradling the bottle in her hand and contemplating the falling snowflakes. She glanced over her shoulder at him as he closed the door, but didn't say anything.

"Of course," she replied, leaning back against the frame of the window. The tips of her fingers were starting to go numb, but she didn't move from where she was sitting. If she was being honest with herself, she was surprised that he had taken up the offer - he didn't seem like the drinking sort to her.

It made her smile very faintly before it faded and she looked outside again.

"You can sit somewhere if you want. I wasn't planning on having company, but it's not unwelcome." She ran a tired hand through her hair, adding,"I'm sorry I'm like this. I just.... I'm dealing... With a lot right now."

She sighed heavily, pondering his question as she tilted her head back to rest against the wall.

"My dad just died," she said blankly. "And... Other smaller things have been happening too. It's all just happening at the same time. I feel like my heart's going to explode, or crumble apart, I'm not sure which." Shaking her head, she tilted the bottle up and took a long drink, finishing it off and setting it to the side. "I understand if you don't want to stay," she told him. "I'm not exactly pleasant company at the moment."

[Amos Freeman]

The alcohol was, at the very least, helping Amos warm up a little against the chill of the open window. He took another long, slow sip, staring pensively into space. He also took her offer, lowering himself into what he hoped was a non-intrusive portion of the floor. He folded his lanky legs one on top of the other.

"It's fine," he assured her, keeping his tone carefully level. "I mean, um, you don't have to apologize for having emotions. That would be kind of stupid."

He rested his lips on the rim of the bottle, looking at her while she spoke.

"I'm really sorry," he offered quietly after a few moments.

He wondered, somewhat selfishly, if he would have a nicer night if he left now and went back to his room. He furrowed his brow and inspected his knees.

If he went back to his room now, he would know that she was sad, and why, and he wouldn't be able to sleep knowing that he had left her by herself.

"If you don't care, then, um, I'll stay," he said. "I mean, some people would argue that I'm not pleasant company, er, e-ever."

A few more beats of silence passed, but his journalistic curiosity was getting the better of him, and he couldn't stand it.

"Um, how... I mean, sorry, but how'd he die?"

[Ravyn Rozanova]

After a few more moments of sitting by the window, Ravyn let out a small noise of defeat and closed it before sliding down the wall to sit by Amos, tucking her knees against her chest as she stared blankly into the air.

"I've been doing a lot of stupid things lately," she muttered, frowning into her carpet. She felt like pretty much everything bad that had happened to her lately had been her own doing. Even her dad's death. She should have made a better effort to reach out to him.

She shook her head, catching his eyes for a moment before looking away again. "It's fine. I hardly even knew him." It was far from fine, but it wasn't Amos's fault.

When he offered to stay, she relaxed visibly, her face softening again at the prospect of not being alone. "Good," she murmured, reaching over to grab another bottle from her dresser. She hadn't had a lot yet, and it gave her something to do instead of talking a lot. "I don't know about that. You're far more pleasant than a lot of people that I know." She meant it as a compliment.

She sipped quietly for a moment, letting her wings drift open against the wall as her brain slowly became more fuzzy, finally. It was about time.

"Oh," she blinked, snapping out of another daze. "Well, from what I've heard, alcohol poisoning." She looked down at the bottle in her hand, having already realized the irony. "It wasn't really surprising. He'd been dealing with alcoholism his whole life. It was only a matter of time."

[Amos Freeman]

Amos lowered the bottle closer to the center of his lap. He looked over briefly as she took a seat beside him, but lowered his gaze again. It wasn't an uncomfortable position to be in, per se, but the mood in the tiny dorm was heavy and in a certain way it made him feel vulnerable.

His best friend was sweetness and light, happiness personified, but Amos was, on his on merit and for all his virtues, not a naturally happy person.

He could sit quietly in the same room as someone who was hurting because he knew what hurting quietly felt like.

He polished off his own bottle of lemonade and stretched his arm as politely as possible in front of Ravyn to grab another.

"It can't be all your fault," he said as sensibly as he could manage with a bottle of malt beverage under his nose. "Er, I mean, it always feels that way, I guess. But I don't think you're stupid, and, um, I don't think you've made any dumber decisions than... you know, anyone else."

He took another long sip before looking down at his own bottle.

"I'm sorry." He'd already said it, but he still meant it.

He paused for a long while, thinking of what to say.

"My brother's addicted to heroin, and I always think, you know, when I go to Manchester to see him, it will be the last time I actually see him." Another sip. "I mean, it's hard... even if you aren't close with somebody... to watch someone destroy themselves."

He felt one of her wings brush the tip of his shoulder as she unfolded them, and he scooted forward very slightly so that he wouldn't obstruct them.

"I can't beat anybody up for you, but I can write a, um, really scathing article if you want."

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn smirked faintly as Amos reached for another bottle. Sure, it wasn't like they were drinking hard liquor or anything, but at this rate he was going to get as fuzzy-headed as she was becoming.

"It is my fault," she mumbled almost unintelligibly to herself. "I ruined my relationship with my best friend, I can't get through to my brother, I didn't tell Lei to back off soon enough..." She figured he probably wouldn't understand what she was talking about, but she felt they needed to be said anyway. "I could have tried harder to reach out to my dad, instead of pretending he didn't exist." Ravyn shook her head, taking another long sip. "I can't do anything right these days." She shot him a look, though, adding,"But thanks for trying to make me feel better."

She just looked into her lap as he apologized again. It wasn't his fault. She was sorry he was having to put up with her now. She was surprised he hadn't left already.

Ravyn looked up again as he started talking, frowning sympathetically as he talked about his brother. Her own brother wasn't addicted to heroin, as least, but he might as well have been, considering how badly they got along. "That sucks," she replied, sighing as she leaned back against the wall. "Has he tried to go to rehab, or anything?" She felt like it was appropriate to ask, even if she found it hard to care at the moment. "Yeah... It is," she agreed. She had only actually met her dad a few times, but she heard more from her mother when she called. Alyna was pretty devastated over the event, which didn't help matters.

"Sorry," she muttered as he moved away from her wing, tucking them back in quickly and hunching over her knees again.

His offer made her chuckle drily. "Thanks for the offer, but I don't know what you would write about," she told him. "And I don't really have anyone for you to beat up anyway, so that's fine." Amos wasn't exactly the intimidating type.

[Amos Freeman]

At the mention of Lei, Amos clicked his teeth on the bottle a little more forcefully than he had intended.

Where had that anger come from? Surely by now it had dissipated....

"Did he do something to you?" Amos asked lowly, furrowing his eyebrows. Somehow he already knew the answer; would she have mentioned it as one of her major causes of distress if he hadn't done something to her?

He took a longer, quicker swallow from his bottle.

"He's been four times," Amos said eventually, frowning at the wall. "To, um, rehab, I mean."

If he continued on this line of conversation, it ran the risk of turning into his pity party instead of hers, and he wasn't comfortable with that idea.

"I was just trying to say that, um," he stumbled through his words. "Even while they're alive, I guess, you know, you can't really do anything for them. Sorry, I mean, that's... I'm not trying to make you feel worse. But addiction is not, um, something that you can fix from the outside. Even if you want to."

He fell silent again, wondering if his presence was really helping matters.

"You don't have to keep them in," he murmured, indicating her wings. "It's not bothering me. I just didn't want to, um, you know. Sit on them, or anything. That would probably hurt."

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn glanced up at the unpleasant sound of teeth against glass, blinking dumbly at his question for a moment before realizing he was talking about Leiken.

Sighing again, she sat her bottle on the floor and mulled over it for a minute. "Well... Sort of." How to put it shortly? "One night I was on one of the couches down on the first floor, um, well, crying," she mumbled. "I was by myself, but he appeared and sat beside me and we started talking." She shivered, remembering how scared she was during what happened next. "Next thing I knew he started kissing me, and, er, well, I kinda kissed him back," she added meekly. "But then he started getting on top of me and grabbing my hips and..." she trailed off, pressing her head to her knees and she went limp. "I told him to stop, and he did, but I was so afraid he wasn't going to," she whispered. "But, I mean, I should have told him to back off sooner. So... It's partially my fault, too."

She had only told Cameron and her brother about this; she had kept it bottled up otherwise. She was only telling Amos now because he had asked, and she was tipsy.

Lost in thought, she almost missed when he answered her question. "Oh," she replied, frowning. "Hasn't worked then, huh? I'm really sorry to hear that." If rehab didn't work, what could you do?

She nodded as he spoke, knowing what he was trying to say; it didn't make the situation any better, of course, but at least she was getting an outside perspective. "I just really wish I had at least tried to talk to him," she murmured. "Maybe I could have gotten through to him. I mean, I'm his... I was his daughter." Miracles could happen, right? Too bad it was too late for one now.

Picking up the bottle once more, she took another sip. This one was almost empty now, too.

"Oh, um, it's fine," she replied distractedly. "They get in the way, I know." Although really, her wings seemed to be the only constant she could always count on in her life at the moment. At least she knew they would never leave her. Or at least, she prayed they wouldn't.

[Amos Freeman]

Amos's brow remained furrowed as Ravyn explained what had happened between her and Leiken.

"He's a dick," he concluded shortly. "Just because you kissed him doesn't mean you gave him your c-consent."

He pursed his lips at the return of his stutter.

"That's not your fault."

It wasn't a question, and the tone Amos had used was serious enough to imply that it was not open for further debate.

He shrugged, not unkindly, at her apology. He gave his head a tiny shake.

"It's not my life, or my, um, decision, so."

He held his bottle by the neck and gave the remaining contents a gentle, circular swish. He looked sideways at his companion, blinking at her thrice before speaking again.

"Wanna hear a joke?"

[Ravyn Rozanova]

Ravyn looked up in surprise at Amos.

"You know Leiken?" she questioned. She supposed it wasn't surprising, really, but the fact that he had such strong (negative) feelings for the boy was more so. "I.... I don't know what to think of him," she replied. He had seemed so nice at first, but...

She shrugged again. "Maybe not. I don't really know. I'm not sure of anything anymore." She knew she was being pathetic, but that's how she felt. Another sip, and the bottle was empty. She paused, beginning to reach for another bottle, then thought better of it and sat back, folding her arms over her knees. She'd had four or so. That was probably enough.

Ravyn shot him a small, sympathetic glance. Her head was buzzing, almost pleasantly, and without really thinking she slid down the wall until she was laying sideways on the floor, looking up at him from beneath a half-open wing.

"Um, sure," she replied, her lips tugging up faintly. Maybe he could make her laugh.

[Amos Freeman]

"Sorta," said Amos, a little grumpier than he had intended. He pursed his lips and brought his knees up so that he could rest his chin on them. "Juney thinks... erm... I mean... he and Juney are kind of friends."

He polished off the remainder of his alcohol and then stared rather morosely at the bottle.

She moved, and he turned to face her properly, leaning against the frame of her bed instead of the wall.

He gave her a sheepish look that turned into a half-smile. His cheeks were a little flushed. He probably shouldn't talk right now; he was going to make a fool of himself.

"So, once upon a time, th-there were two vegan, gluten-free, organic zucchini-carrot-ginger muffins," he began without thinking. "In an oven."

He paused for what he thought was effect, but he was really just buzzed.

"And one muffin said, erm, 'Jesus, it's hot in here.'"

He inspected his empty bottle.

"And the other muffin said... 'holy shit! A talking muffin.'"

He looked awkwardly off to the side.

"And then I ate them both."

[Ravyn Rozanova]

"Juniper!?" Ravyn exclaimed, her eyes darting up to meet Amos's. "Really?" She was pretty good friends with Juniper, and as far as Ravyn was aware, she was one of the sweetest, most friendly girls in school. Why she would ever be friends with someone like Leiken was beyond her. "Maybe... Maybe you should tell her about this," she suggested, suddenly afraid for the girl. What if Lei tried to do the same to Juniper as he did to her?

She flipped over to lay on her stomach, resting her chin on her hands as she gazed up at him through her lashes. Heh. He was kinda cute, especially with his cheeks all pink like that. Why had she not noticed that before?

Listening as he told his joke, she picked at her carpet, smirking slightly as he began. She had no idea where this was going.

She waited as he paused, looking up expectantly.

When he finished, she was silent for a moment, digesting it all before a dorky grin crossed her face, and she started giggling. It turned into louder laughter that was mostly caused because of the alcohol buzzing through her system. It was a cute joke, but probably didn't deserve quite as much laughter as she was giving it.

"Tha's good," she replied, her words beginning to slur slightly. She broke into another fit of giggles as she pushed herself onto her hands, fumbling slightly as she went over to sit next to him. Once there, she sort of collapsed against his side, resting her head on his shoulder as the rest of her body slumped against him.

"Thanks f'r comin' over," she told him, finally feeling the more pleasant effects of the alcohol kicking in. "Ti takaya privlekatel'naya," she added, smirking to herself.