relax, just do it

[Kristina Northampton]

It couldn't go on like this. They were getting louder each day, and every practise session she was having more trouble concentrating on herself, getting lost in all the other people she was, all the other times she'd felt, everything that wasn't Kristina - it wasn't as though it scared her, it was just...well, it did scare her. She was losing herself, disappearing in a maelstrom of other people's instructions, other people's demands, and she was starting to worry that someday soon, she would just become another one of those voices and the others would be in charge - she would be adrift in her own body, and then they'd find out. They'd take her away, give her pills, tie her up in a rubber room and leave her alone until they all went away, and then it would just Kris, nobody to talk to, nobody to help, nobody to love, nobody to want, just an awful empty silence in her head - and that just wouldn't do, it wouldn't! They wouldn't take her away!

There had to be someone she could call, someone reliable, someone who wouldn't call them and take her away, someone she could just hug and they would make it all better. As luck would have it, there was just one person like that in the whole wide world - a loving, generous person who always had time for everyone, 'Big sis'. Juniper - she wouldn't betray Kris to them, would she? No, she'd just have a gentle hug and a solution. Yes, a solution - she would definitely have a way out from this mess. From her bed, Kris dropped her a text message, asking to meet her in the morning by the Koi pond, before dropping off into a restless sleep.

The morning was freezing, but when she checked her phone, Juni seemed happy to do it, and so the least she deserved was to tell her. Finding her trenchcoat and a thick pair of gloves, Kris stuffed all of her hair into a beanie and marched out, towards the pond, staring at the fish, so simple, so satisfied - all they needed was food, and they were happy. Why couldn't she be like that? None of the voices were talking to her because she was being bad, and all of a sudden it was as if she wanted them back again. She needed their company, their jokes, their laughter, their witty banter - she wanted it all back, and she would get down on her knees and apologise if she had to. Running her hand over one of the tiny sculptures by the pond, she felt the years of craftwork gone into it, the images of it being taken from the ground, the jade being shaped, being worked over, love and care being put into it - all those hours and tools used on a lump of rock, created something so beautiful, a smiling Buddha, carefree and happy with his lot in life.

Kris envied that Buddha more than anything else in the world as one of the Koi jumped out and splooshed back into the water, eliciting a smile from her dry, cold lips. 'Be nice to the fishies had been the first rule anyone had mentioned here, and this close up she could understand why; they really were pretty creatures, with shimmering coats of scales and an odd sort of pleased look about their fishy faces - almost as carefree as the Buddha. Reaching down, Kris stroked the face of the water with a finger, tracing a figure of eight through the icy cold. One particularly adventurous koi swum up through the water and probed her finger, investigating just how edible or delicious it was, eventually thinking better of it and swimming away to do whatever it was fishies did on their spare time - at least it got Kris chuckling before a familiar voice came over her shoulder.

[Juniper Birdsong]

Juniper got the text from Kris the night previously and, always happy to help a friend in need, sent back a message saying she absolutely would meet her by the pond. She had no idea what the meeting was about or what could possibly be the reason to meet out in the cold rather than somewhere inside Hammel, but all that really mattered was that Kris had asked her to, and so Juniper would.

She dressed in layers the following morning, although her usual long skirt was still on, draped over a pair of thick leggings and rain boots in case the weather got wet and made the ground soft and muddy. She had grown up in Oregon, and so she was always prepared for rain. She donned a nice rain coat before heading outside, her eyes lighting up as she watched the wind swirl about her in various shades of blue and white. She watched it for a few moments before waving her hand to stop a chilly breeze that threatened to ruin her diligently brushed out hair and heading off towards the pond. As usual, her gait was more of a skip than a walk. She was simply to happy to keep her feet on the ground for very long.

Juniper reached the pond shortly, immediately catching sight of her friend. Smiling happily, she went over to where the blonde girl was sitting, her hand in the water. "Beautiful, aren't they?" she asked as she reached her, her eyes drawn to the koi. "So many pretty colors. I love to come out here and draw them when the weather is a bit warmer." She settled down beside Kris, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. "How are you?" she asked, pulling her into a hug. Friends always got hugs. Heck, Juniper often gave strangers hugs - it's just who she was.

[Kristina Northampton]

Weather has a wonderful sense of irony. Funerals are accompanied with sunlight and very rarely do dark clouds follow dark moods, but today was not one of those days in which the grand coordinator of all the world's stories and the calculator of the weather were arguing; a heavy rain started in roughly a minute, coming down in heavy splooshes in the pool and scattering the koi (the thought of fish fleeing from water brought a smile to Kris' heart, even if her face was frozen with worry). Clinging tightly to Juni, Kris rested her head on her shoulder, stretching a little, hair matting in the rain and stinging her eyes, forcing her to raise a finger to brush it out of the way, behind an ear. The whispering started, the nagging and the whining, Lord Fortesque at little more than a breath, all howling the same message, softer than the wind, stronger than an ox, echoing around her brain. Don't tell her. Don't tell her. Don't tell her. Please don't tell her. We love you. She doesn't like you. You don't need her.

"I..." the words wouldn't come. Her mouth moved, and Kris forced the air through her throat, but she couldn't make the words happen - no matter how much effort she put in, she couldn't do it. A blob of freezing rainwater trickled down the nape of her neck, down the small of her back, rendering a crazed, moist line along her skin as she trembled, clinging tight to the warmth of Juni's kind personality, her caring nature, her...her big sister. She could tell her anything, right? She was her big sister, and sisters didn't keep secrets. Devil take Fortesque, she would tell her if it killed her.

Oh God, what if she tells Dr.Neville? What if someone else was hearing this, listening, what if there was a wire or an invisible student somewhere, what if she had been right and they were all planning this, trying to break her, to make her snap before she confessed and then tossing her away to rot in the room, all alone, with nobody but the Fates for company - no, please, no, anything but that! "I..." Tears began to well in her eyes as she threw her head into Juni's neck, leaning against her, sobs shaking her tiny frame as she wrestled with the English language. "I...Juni, I am sick. I-it's in my head, Juni. They're in my head!" The weight of a thousand worlds lifted from her shoulders as she finally spat out her secret and the voices fell silent in shock, fainting, running, crying for mercy as she gave in to the stress and the worry, and began to cry in earnest. "Help me..."

[Juniper Birdsong]

Juniper wasn't too surprised in the change in the weather - she had felt the winds of a storm blowing, after all, in shades of dark ebony and indigo. She would have pulled out an umbrella for the both of them, had Kris not been clinging to her so tightly. Juniper's normally happy expression changed to one of concern, and she rubbed her friend's back comfortingly. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" she asked. She ignored the rain as it turned her mass of curly hair into a big mess - she could brush it out later. This was more important. Whatever the matter was, she needed to be there for Kris.

Kris began to speak, but then stopped, and Juniper made some soothing sounds. "It's okay. Take your time." Taking just a second, she pulled one of her hands away to tug her umbrella from its case, opening it over the both of them to keep them partially sheltered from the rain. With that done, she continued to listen until Kris was ready to talk.

When she suddenly pressed her head against Juniper and started sobbing, she grew even more alarmed, but kept a calm appearance as she continued to rub her back soothingly. She listened to what she said, her heart beginning to pound at the admittance. Kris said she was sick. That she heard voices? Oh goodness. Juniper hugged her tight, as though that could keep her safe and grounded. "Shhh, you're alright, everything's alright, I'm right here," she told her, pulling back slightly in order to look Kris in the eyes, speaking gently. "Look at me. You're fine. We're going to get through this together." Whatever 'this' was, Juniper was determined to help her. "When did this start?" It was good to start at the beginning, after all.

[Kristina Northampton]

Kris didn't need words right now, no clever speeches or appeals to emotion - she needed a mother, and Juniper was the best she could get - better than her own, since she was infinitely more relatable and not fat, which was distracting. "I...I think it was when I was little," recalled Kris, mumbling between sharp breaths stolen from the cold. Memories of Lord Fortesque from the museum ran through her mind's eye, then the collected companions, growing, multiplying like bacteria in a droplet of water, swarming, forming a great horde, an unlimited mass within a limited space, confined, desperate for freedom, for control. "They're scary, Juni, all day, they never shut up, and when they do it's so quiet. Please don't tell Mr.Neville. Don't let them take me away, Juniper, please!" Gripped by fear, Kris pushed herself back into Juni's chest, clinging to fistfuls of her coat, wiping her tears down her front and trying not to dribble nose-goo all over her shirt.

After a few moments of having her back rubbed like a child, of looking up at Juni's concerned face and seeing nothing but hope and the will to help, Kris stopped her blubbering, although the tears still streamed down her face, losing themselves in the rain, her shoulders were stationary, and her speech was regular, if a bit wobbly. There was no fear, no shame here; Juniper's arms had the most wonderful insulation quality that prevented any such things penetrating; where she walked, the light beamed from her, and all things seemed fair. She was like a disney princess, radiating warmth and love to all things - no doubt even the koi, creatures incapable of emotion, felt primordial flickerings of joy and elation around her, so wonderful was her presence. She made the fat one from Sister Act look like a total bitch.

"Promise me you won't tell them - if you tell them, they'll take me away, and they'll lock me up. Please don't let them take me away, Juni, anything but that. We can do this, right? You can help me?"

[Juniper Birdsong]

Juniper continued to pull her fingers through Kris's hair comfortingly, just listening to what she had to say. So, this wasn't something that had come up recently - she had been dealing with them for a while. "Deep breaths, love," she told her quietly, taking one herself. Hopefully that would help keep her calm. She couldn't help but wonder if Kris's ability had something to do with this. She wasn't sure how, but maybe it was possible. "It's okay, Kris. They're just voices. They can't hurt you." Every word she spoke was kind and gentle, even though inside, she was very, very concerned. "I won't," she promised, knowing how terrifying the psychiatrist could be for some people. She personally loved the older man, but she understood why others would be intimidated. "You are not going to be taken away," she said firmly, letting Kris cling to her while still holding her close. "I won't let that happen." She meant it.

Fortunately, Kris seemed to grow a little more calm, and Juniper allowed her to slip slightly out of her grasp, though she kept her close in case she needed more comfort. In her mind, she rapidly started thinking about ways to go about helping Kris without breaking her promise and telling someone. She knew that if it was possible she could harm herself or someone else, something would have to be done, but so far it just sounded like it was all just in her head.

"Kris, I only want what's best for you," she told her softly, taking her hands in her own and giving them a squeeze. "But I won't let them lock you up. Trust me, sweetheart, that's not going to happen." She took a steadying breath, letting it out slowly. "We're going to get through this as best we can. I'm no expert on these things, but I'm sure there's an explanation for it." Letting her voice drop even lower, she asked,"Do these voices ever tell you to do anything? Good or bad?" She had to know what level of seriousness they were talking about here.

[Kristina Northampton]

The rain wasn't exactly helping matters, but at least the occasional scattering of fish in the pond was amusing. After Juniper asked her the question, there was a long silence, as she sat next to her on the edge of the pond, her hands in her lap, leaning against her, rocking slightly as the elements blew against her skin, the hairs on her arms standing up underneath her coat as she tried to blank out the growing demands of her voices, each becoming louder, demanding attention, demanding that she run, that she stop her disastrous path, kill Juni, that she should throw her into the pond, hold down her head and wait until she drowned, others telling her to flee, get out of the school, out of the town, out of the state, to flee and run, never stop running so long as there was breath within her body - shaking a little, she turned her head toward Juniper, shuffling a little closer to her.

"S-sometimes. Some of them want me to hurt you right now, but I won't. Some of them want me to hurt people, but they're all scared of being taken away." Looking back down at her feet, Kristina sneezed, shaking and throwing her hair back into her eyes before turning towards Juni again. "I'm scared too. Maybe I...could you..." The screaming started again, howling, screeching, and Kris gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. "Juni, I don't want to be like this anymore! If I go to Mr.Neville, will you...SHUT UP!" Pressing her hands to her ears, Kris fell to the concrete, growling like a beast. "SHUT-UP!" For what seemed like forever, a few seconds stretching away into eternity, her brain shook with the sheer force of the noise, rattling her skull like a sledgehammer on the spine of a mouse.

Then, just as she felt her eyes would surely blow in her head, just as she was certain that her ears would begin bleeding and she would fall down dead, just as suddenly as it had began, it stopped; all but one fell silent. I don't want to do that again, Kristina, dear, so you had better behave. Now let's stop all of this foolish nonsense and go home, shall we? It's nice and warm inside. Breaking out from her fetal position on the floor, Kris slowly came to her knees, crawling towards Juni, tears welling again as an aftershock of pain crept slowly out of her head, pulsing, throbbing like a huge mass of flesh, an amorphous beast, a cancer inside her. "Juni...please come with me to Mr.Neville. Please."

[Juniper Birdsong]

Of course, Juniper's arms were always open if Kris needed them, and she kept a constant contact between them for reassurance that this was going to be okay. But as she continued speaking, Juniper got a bit more scared. The fact that she said they wanted Kris to hurt her made Juniper fear for her own safety, but she trusted Kris to keep calm. If nothing else, she could run quite quickly, and she was stronger than she looked. But she didn't think that would be necessary. "So you can ignore what they tell you to do, then?" she replied, more of a reassurance to herself than anything else. She was definitely starting to think this required professional help, however; what if it got worse?

But Kris was starting to lose it again, and Juniper reached her hands out to steady her, her hands gripping her arms hard, but not painfully so. "Kris, listen-!" But at that point the girl began screaming, and Juniper could only watch with wide eyes, hovering anxiously and at a complete loss of what to do. "Oh, Kris," she breathed, her heart aching for her friend. What was she going to do? This was obviously much more of a problem than she could even imagine.

But as soon as it began, it seemed to stop, and Juniper latched herself around her friend, wishing she could just make it all go away with soothing words and hugs. But life didn't work like that, she knew, even if she didn't like to believe it. She had to get her head out of the clouds occasionally. "Of course I'll come," she murmured, rubbing Kris's back once more. "He can help you, sweetie. He's helped so many people before. He's a very kind man, he only wants to do what's best for everyone." She knew the telepath would be able to handle this better than she could, even if she wished she had all the answers for her friend.