Stay [closed]

[Adrianna Carstyn]

It's not much of a life you're living
It's not just something you take, it's given
Round and around and around we go
Now tell me now tell me now tell me now you know
Not really sure how to feel about it,
Something in the way you move
Makes me feel like I can't live without you
It takes me all the way
I want you to stay

If dancing wouldn't let off steam, then maybe she'd be better off running? The chances of running into someone she actually wanted to see was unlikely. After all, as of late she hadn't really wanted to see anyone. Jayden had been a surprise. Lani had his own stuff to deal with and Venn was still gone. The stress was really getting to her though. Not just the stress but the overall darkness that had started to creep in after she was kidnapped. It was funny how a simple crack in her happy shell could spread and almost shatter it.

She'd always been fragile growing up, taking little things to heart and holding onto them whereas other people just let it go. Stuff stuck more with her than it did with most people and honestly she wondered if it could be an effect of her power. Powers stuck to her all of the time, maybe that carried over? She didn't know, but it was a theory and if that was the case, her power was screwing with her mind a lot. Not only did it feed into her mood swings, but this too? And people thought she had it easy.

Well Adrianna was getting sick of the constant violent mood swings and she was sick of being so out of control. What was she supposed to do though? Talk to the counselor? No thank you, sure he was nice, but she didn't want to go to a counselor again. It wasn't like it helped the first time, it wouldn't do any good now. What she needed was a friend and for the first time in months, she didn't even have that. Her and Lani were drifting despite what he'd promised her, though she knew she was partially at fault as well. Odion never spoke to her, though he hadn't really been a friend technically. Robbie was off at college and only really hung around Elisia because they were inseparable. Where had all of her friends gone?

All of this passed through her mind while she stretched beside the track. Her mind was always racing and now she had to block it out so she could have a nice run. She turned up the music on her ipod and stood up heading towards the track slowly.

Funny you're the broken one, but I'm the only one who needed saving.
Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which of us is caving.

[Lani Hunter]

The blond demonness had had a point. Perhaps Lani should stop calling her that, but at this point he still hated her and irrationally blamed her for things that she had no control over. But she had pointed out something Lani had missed. He felt so stupid and when he had last spoken to Adrianna he realized that some of what the blonde girl was saying. Then everything went south for him again. He was pretty sure Odion was still mad, and he had every right to be. Things had gone south and he had been lost in his own problems again. He didn’t like facing himself in the mirror and he didn’t like looking at his own problems through a microscope. Despite being lost in his own typhoon he had kept an eye out for anything drastic with Adrianna. He hated to say that he had started to drift away from her. He had promised they would still be friends but he was failing at that too.

The blond demonness had indeed had a point. And she called his attention to Adrianna’s hurting when he had missed it before. He was keeping a watchful eye out, he wanted to make sure that Adrianna was at least safe if something else related to his boss came around. But all was quiet on that front. Which made Lani more nervous than not. He really should stop calling her that. But for lack of a better name that was how she stuck in his mind. Besides, help or no help she still was an eavesdropping, arrogant, holier-than-thou blond demonness. Needless to say, Lani still hated her. But Lani had hated people before and taken their advice, or taken the help he was given. And he had been given some important information about his ex-girlfriend that worried him dearly. He wasn’t sure what to do. He knew plenty of people struggling with several things or trivial things or dramatic things. But this was different. Adrianna wasn’t just some person, hell arguments could be said against just being friends. They had shared something and it had faded and broken but they were still there. Dusty and dormant.

He sat in bed listening to Linkin Park’s newest CD and tapping his pencil on the top of his notebook. He sat with his knees propped up and being used as a makeshift table to his musings. He hummed along occasionally adding his voice to the chorus but he was distracted. He had written a lot since his failed attempt at a battle. He closed his eyes. If Odion hadn’t been there… He tossed the thought away and wrote on a little more, this was one of the darker pieces. There was no escape, the poor character. He was having a bad day and therefore the man on the page didn’t stand a chance. Finally when he was distracted by the sun in the window he decided it was done. He needed to move. He tucked the notebook away and went to the window. His power had healed up finally and he was allowing it to roam more or less freely. It hurt more than it used to, but it was healing. He knew what that felt like now, and now he knew that he was getting better. His power had been overused, like a muscle, and it had been in excruciating pain for days. Then it had been throbbing, just under the worst headache he had ever had. Now it ached steadily, as it had before, but protested when moved.

Leaning against the window frame he looked out at the fields and sighed realizing he had to find a place to live in the near future. Oh well. He was about to turn back from the window, a nap was sounding rather good when someone caught his eye. Out by the track someone headed toward the track. He squinted and confirmed his guess. It was Adrianna. With a little smile he turned away and a few moments later was crossing the grass in sweatpants and a warm hoodie. He hadn’t been running in a long time and it was something he was starting to miss. He had to admit he had been rather hermit like these past few weeks. He hid his wounds both mental and physical really well but it was exhausting. Maybe Adrianna was feeling the same way. And he hadn’t heard anything about her mother so he sincerely hoped that she was hanging on. Now to make it look like an accident. He trotted a few steps to catch up with her. Still out of eyesight he said, “Hey Adrianna, long time no…” He trailed as he realized her headphones were in. Feeling rather sly he stopped and reached out with his power. His brow twitched with a flash of pain and he was glad she missed it. He hadn’t told her about what happened. One moment her headphones were in and the next his telekinesis had pulled them out and he just stood there with a sly look waiting for her to catch on.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

The itching, nagging feeling of her power started picking up when he was several feet away, but she pegged it for someone walking somewhere nearby. She didn’t pick up on what power or who’s it was, but she felt the nagging more so than she would if she was completely alone. Adrian didn’t pick up on it though; she was oblivious for the moment. Once she was in motion, she figured the nagging feeling would drift, but it kept getting stronger and stronger with each step. Adrian felt a presence nearby and her whole body tensed as she thought back to when Lani’s boss kidnapped her. It would take a lot of psychological healing for her to feel comfortable alone ever again. She didn’t want to turn though because she was terrified of her fears being confirmed.

It didn’t make sense of why her power would be activated though. The last time she’d been kidnapped, the guys were normal, non-metas. Unless they picked up a few metas along the way, she started to piece together that it could just be someone else who wanted to work out. Adri relaxed a little while she walked, focusing back on the music. It was at that point that her earbuds started falling out of her ears and the power became painfully clear as it happened. Telekinesis. And there was only one telekinetic that she knew who would pick on her. It was also someone she hadn’t expected to see for a while. After all, it wasn’t like he’d made an effort to see her before. Maybe this whole thing was a coincidence?

Her footsteps stopped and she stood there rigidly for a while before turning to face him. Adrianna’s eyes slowly lifted to his and they were flat. The usual depthless brown eyes were distant, distracted and definitely not the same as they had once been. She was losing her sense of positivity and she was losing her innocence. All that had made up her soulful brown eyes was dissipating into nothing which caused her whole appearance to seem more aged and exhausted. Her personality was lifeless and this could all be seen with just a look. When she spoke, it just solidified all of the other things wrong with her, “Hi.” Adrian didn’t have anything else to really say to him. Or rather, she had a lot more to say to him and she just couldn’t find the words.

For once, Adrian was actually a little ticked at him for having disappeared on her. Especially after he promised they’d stay friends. He’d lied to her again and she was losing faith in him each time he did.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani hadn’t planned on telling Adrianna any of what had escalated with his boss or what he had done. There was a terrible nagging that he wasn’t making enough time for Adrianna. He was also a little hesitant after mentioning it and getting an unreadable glance from Odion. But he didn’t want him and Adrianna to fall apart. They had already failed as a couple, he didn’t want them to fail as friends. At least when he had broken most recently he had Odion to hold onto. If Venn’s absence in the room was any indication Lani had a feeling that the steel headed man was not there for Adrianna. As he snuck up on Adrianna he hoped they could mend things and that she wouldn’t be angry. He really wasn’t sure what kind of reception he was expecting. He knew Adrianna was having a hard time and he hadn’t been there for her, like he had promised.

He hadn’t anticipated a welcoming reception but he had hoped that she would at least smile. But she looked so… dead. It struck him so hard the smile was slapped away from his face. She looked terrible. World weary and like life had no light. This was Adrianna. Adrianna was supposed to glow with optimism and happiness. She was supposed to be the beacon for other people to flock to when they were blue. But this. He didn’t know how to help this. He didn’t know if he could help her fix this. He stared for a few moments kicking himself for not seeing it sooner. Kicking himself for having to be told this by the blonde demonness. Kicking himself for not doing something sooner. He should have made time. It didn’t matter what was going on in his life, he should have made time. At least to talk, maybe they could have helped each other. But as her voice was soft and flat it spoke volumes of what she was hiding behind those dull brown eyes.

That used to be so vibrant and bright. He closed his eyes meditatively. He’d see those eyes again. He didn’t care what Odion thought about it but he was going to start spending more time with his ex-girlfriend. He had been spending so much time with Odion, feeling like he had wings and meanwhile his friend had been breaking with no one to catch her. When he opened his eyes again he looked past her strong shell and saw the anger and the sadness behind the veil. It was hard to lose innocence. They always said that it was sad when someone young lost their innocence but Lani begged to differ. He was rather glad he saw the world for what it was earlier. It allowed him to make himself cynical to the world. “Adrianna…” He paused his teeth biting on his lips. What should he say? He couldn’t very well say how she looked that would be terribly rude. And if he tried to explain it would start sounding like excuses.

“I’m sorry.” He said bluntly, “I know things are hard for you and I should have made time, but I didn’t. And for that I am so sorry.” He squinted at her in the light and took a careful step toward her not really sure if she was going to start screaming at him or just completely give him the silent treatment. He would honestly prefer the former. “What’s wrong? It’s not your mother is it?” He asked wondering if she was going to tell him or scold him for not being around. But he had to admit if her mother had passed and Adrianna not told him immediately he would also be furious. But it would be rather impressive that she was still hanging on. That would speak volumes for how much Adrianna’s mother loved her.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Lani’s personal business was none of Adrian’s business anymore and she knew that. She knew that he couldn’t be there as often as she’d like and she knew that he had his own boyfriend now to spend time with. But the fact of the matter was that even when Venn was around she had tried making time for what she was hoping would be her best friend. He was always turning her down though. When Venn left, his rejections of hanging out struck her harder. It wasn’t supposed to be so hard, and yet she had no one to comfort her. No one to hold her after a difficult conversation with the nurse, or when she was frustrated with her invasive father; it wasn’t fair. She had no one left to go to and the worst things got, the more she changed.

Dead was an understatement. As she looked at him, she couldn’t conjure any form of happiness at the sight of him. She remembered the times when just a text from him sent her into a happy dance. This beacon had lost its light and she wasn’t sure she could get it back until she had her own beacon of light back with her. With Venn gone, she was just lifeless. Her appearance was just a fraction of what she was feeling though. At least on the outside she held some color. Her world was painted in black and white now and she was still afraid of her own shadow. Adrian couldn’t do anything besides stare at him blankly. There was nothing else for her to do. She didn’t want to touch him; it wouldn’t do her any good. She could barely form words to speak to him. All the while, she tugged her hoody sleeves down a little further to protect her secret from him. Thankfully he wasn’t a telepath, he couldn’t see just how screwed up her mind had become.

Her name passed his lips and she winced involuntarily. Through her anger and bitterness, she still felt her heart jump when he said her name. Her best friend, someone she hadn’t seen in what felt like a lifetime and here he was finally standing in front of her. What was she to do? She wanted to scream. She wanted to burst into tears and tell him she hated him for ditching her just like everyone else. But she couldn’t find her voice in the silence that followed her name. Adrianna wrapped her arms around her body and hugged her torso for protection. She had to protect her heart from being smashed again, especially by him. She couldn’t take it anymore.

He spoke again and she lifted her eyes back to his. His words brought back that flash of anger and her jaw clenched. “Oh you know things are hard for me? Really? That explains why you’ve completely ignored me, I guess,” Adrian’s voice was harsher than it used to be. The soft, dead tone was still present, but she had an edge to it now. Lani stepped forward and she stepped back. She couldn’t stand being close to him, not with how unstable she was, especially with a power like his for her to mimic. “And no, it isn’t my mother. She’s still hanging in there, pleading with me to bring you and Venn out to see her. Too bad it’d be more likely for Venn to come back and accompany me even with his own family problems than for someone who is in the same town as me to join me for a little visit. I just find it funny how you said you’d come with me and right after that you disappear, right after I get her hopes up!” She snapped angrily, tears springing to her eyes.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani hadn’t forgotten what it felt like to be with Adrianna. He didn’t know but perhaps that was the reason he was keeping his distance. He didn’t want those feeling to create something complicated. They had both moved on and it shouldn’t be a problem. But Lani could guess from Odion’s reaction over Christmas that him hanging out with his ex-girlfriend was not one of the redhead’s favorite things. Not that Lani had let that stop him. At least not intentionally. He knew what he was doing now. He was finding excuses to make himself feel better about this. He was trying to redistribute the blame when it was centered squarely over his shoulder. Maybe it was the feeling that he couldn’t do anything right recently. He figured if he wasn’t around he couldn’t screw anything up. Lani wondered if that was anything like how her father felt. Maybe for him leaving was the best option. As wrong as it sounded, perhaps it was the best thing he could have done. Lani shook his head a little bit. That was a stretch even for his wandering mind. No parent leaving was ever for the best.

Lani’s breath caught. She had just winced at him. At what he said. This wasn’t the Adrianna he knew. He’d get her back one way or another. He had broken his promise and he swallowed that fact with a bitter pill. It was as unpleasant an experience for him as it was for her. He didn’t want to think of himself as that kind of person. It struck him more harshly than what the blond girl had told him. The worst protector ever. The worst friend ever. Lani sighed inwardly and a peculiar sad expression crossed his features. Probably the worst boyfriend ever. To both Adrianna and Odion. He would have time later to contemplate these thoughts later. He felt bad but to do that he would just want to be alone. Lani was slowly learning that he needed people but he didn’t want someone to tell him what he wanted to hear to make him feel better. He needed to hear the harsh truth from his own mind.

Flinching Lani ducked his head in shame. He didn’t say anything but gave her apologetic eyes. She had every right to be furious. Lani hated to think he was ignoring her, but that was what it was. It was a complicated thing, this life they led. He took the hint and stopped his advance and even retreated back a step when she fled his advance. Lani tried to do his best to hide how much that stung from being written across his face. Never in his life had he felt so guilty, so meek. Even though he had initiated this Lani wanted to just slink away like a scolded puppy. But this scolded puppy wasn’t going to leave. Not when someone’s happiness was compromised. “I haven’t ignored you,” Lani finally said gently, “I…” He didn’t want to say it. He had been busy, it was truth and lies at the same time. He didn’t have excuses. “I met someone and she told me you haven’t been well. I didn’t believe her. I’m sorry.”

Lani’s eyes flashed as she finally let her attack flood out. “I’m glad she’s hanging on.” He said first thing out of the way now he had a lot of things to address. He blew out air and ran his hand through his hair wincing a little as he hit the still tender spot on his temple. He felt anger rising that she would accuse him so. He swallowed it forcefully and did his best to keep a level voice. “It works both ways, Adrianna,” he said evenly, “I’ll go with you to see your mother, I told you that before. When I didn’t hear anything from you about going to visit I thought something went wrong and that you might want to spend time along with your mother, so I didn’t press.” He explained. “You can always call me. My number hasn’t changed. You know that,” he said professing, perhaps a bit exaggerated, but emphasizing that he was there for her. He wanted to reach out to her, but they weren’t dating anymore. “Why didn’t you say something?” He had gotten distracted yes, and it was his fault that he had ignored her for a while. He should have asked her about it and he should have been more present. Should have, would have, could have. Meaningless. He couldn’t turn back time.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Lani had once thought that she could be broken easily, that he needed to walk on eggshells when he was around her. It was interesting how the girl that he thought could be broken had endured so much pain and all it had taken this time around was a little nudge for her to crumble. The little nudge happened to be not only her mother’s life dwindling, but her father coming back, her boyfriend leaving and her ex disappearing. She could handle a lot of things, but not all at the same time. And not after such a traumatic experience that she still hadn’t gotten over. Her nightmares still hadn’t gone away and it had been months since her near-death experience. She hadn’t meant to wince at him, but after everything, all the pain he’d caused her before, she couldn’t stop herself.

As much as she wanted comfort from him, she couldn’t forgive him for leaving her. Not after he promised. Not after all the times he’d lied to her before. Adri just couldn’t keep letting him get away with it without her saying anything to him. She tugged at her hoody sleeves again and looked down, unable to meet his eyes again. She saw his footsteps halt and retreat and she stood there as still as a statue, wrapped around herself. She was waiting for him to speak, waiting for him to tell her something that she didn’t believe. It was just part of how things went with him. The constant tip-toeing around the truth because he didn’t want to hurt her when in the end he still managed to; it took him a while, but he finally managed to speak.

Her eyes lifted in his general direction, but she still didn’t meet his eyes. Her nostrils flared as he denied ignoring her. How could he even say that? They both knew he was doing it, so why bother trying to lie? Laughing shortly she kept quiet when he decided to speak again. His words surprised her this time though and she glanced down at her covered arms when he spoke of the woman saying she wasn’t well. But by the way Lani was speaking, it was clear that the girl hadn’t said to what degree she wasn’t doing well. Once she realized that, she relaxed slightly, only to catch on to what he was saying. “Wait…someone told you that I wasn’t okay and you didn’t even bother checking? Wow. Well if it wasn’t clear before that just tipped off the iceberg showing just how little you care for me anymore. Whether you believed her or not, Lani, as a friend you should have at least checked.” She understood that he didn’t love her or even really like her anymore, but she thought they were at least close enough to check on each other if they were worried or if there was even a slight suspicion.

Her eyes filled to the brim with tears and she looked down as they slid down her cheeks. It wasn’t just tears expressing how sad and broken she was, they were tears of anger and frustration directed towards him. He tried turning it back on her and she tightened her fists. How could he blame her for this when she hadn’t done anything wrong? His question had her bursting at the seams and she screamed at him, “Why didn’t I say something? When do I ever say anything, Lani?! When do I ever go to someone for help when I’m feeling pathetic and miserable? Last time I did that with you, I got my head bitten off and we had our first fight. So why would I do that now?” She asked through the tears, her anger dissipating.

[Lani Hunter]

They had fallen so far, so hard. Maybe being friends was a bad idea. Their breakup had been mutual but it wasn’t what Lani would, looking back, call good. They tried, despite all the hard feelings, they had done the best they could. But Venn didn’t like Lani and Lani didn’t much care for Venn either. Maybe he could blame Venn. He shook the thought out of his head. This was squarely on his shoulders. Venn might have been part of what hurt Adrianna but Lani was the present one and he should have gone to Adrianna. He should have listened. Should have, would have, could have. In all honesty this should be something good, they were fighting, but at least they were talking. Talking was a relative term. They were both on the border of yelling.

Lani was clueless, Adrianna should know that better than anyone, but it wasn’t until she started to get even more angry that he realized how tactless telling her about what that blond girl had said. He ducked his head and scratched the back of his head shifting from foot to foot nervously. This whole honesty thing wasn’t really working for him. He bit his tongue and resisted the urge to start to lie. Honesty. He needed to be honest. Honest. “That’s not what I meant. I mean I checked, of course I checked. But you seemed fine. And I thought Venn was around. It wasn’t until someone else moved in I knew he was gone. I’m so sorry Adrianna.” Well, the last part about Venn was a lie, but it didn’t sound any different than the truth in the first part. She wasn’t done and Lani shuttered inwardly as every lash of her tongue struck a nerve.

Lani spread his hands and tilting back as if to ask what she wanted from him. The honesty was flowing now. “How can you say that? I’ve got my own shit to deal with. And might I add going half out of my mind making sure that they” he gestured in a random direction, “Don’t hurt you again. So sorry if I’ve been a little busy.” He took a deep breath as his finished the whole rant in one breath and after that he realized on the grand scheme of tactless moments this took the cake. Everything about this was all wrong. They were supposed to be friends and Lani had vanished on her. He was terribly sorry but it seemed like she had been harboring a lot of pent up rage. At him or just getting unleashed at him he wasn’t sure. He was willing to admit that more than ninety percent of this was his fault. But there was a bit of it that was her fault as well. Lani was always willing to make time for her. Sure he had gotten very caught up with Odion and their new relationship but this was not all his fault. Mostly his fault. But not all of it. “I’m sorry,” He crossed his arms and looked down at his feet and swore softly, “I didn’t mean that. I should have made time.”

He gritted his teeth and as the tears slid down her cheeks they sliced through his heart. They were passing blame like a hot potato, with the one to blame too much a proud man to admit it was his. This was no going to end well. Not when Adrianna started crying. He turned and kicked a rock before turning back to Adrianna. He swore a million times over. This was hard! How was he supposed to comfort her? He couldn’t touch her and he didn’t want to make any more excuses. “You used to talk to me!” He screamed back waving a hand into the past. He was stunned into silence at her next claim. He was in major trouble but he was not going to take this laying down. “No.” He jabbed a finger at her. “No. We had our first fight because you accused me of cheating!” He cried severely offended by her accusation. “Agh,” Lani growled pressing the heel of his hands into his eyes. None of this was coming out right. “Listen. I screwed up, big time. I don’t deny that.” He sighed heavily his voice turning gentle again. “I’m sorry, Adrianna. What else do you want me to say?”

[Adrianna Carstyn]

The idea to be friends was all fine and dandy until the day she told him about her and Venn. It seemed like that was when everything started tumbling down around her, as if it hadn’t seemed that way before. At least before then she had hope of being happy with Venn. And for a while, she had been. She and Lani were still talking and she had a boyfriend who treated her like she was everything to him. But it hadn’t lasted long. That was when Venn got called to help with his brother and things started getting worse with her mother. It was a domino effect, but she blamed herself for all of it. Despite how she was coming off now, she took the blame for everything, even the things she couldn’t do anything about.

He spoke and she watched him. If he had been lying, she’d have picked up on it already. He had a few tell-tale signs when he was lying and though it had taken her a while, she finally figured out a few of them. But that was only when it was a small lie. “Well clearly your check-up wasn’t very thorough. I learned from the best how to hide what I’m feeling,” She said looking squarely into his eyes. It was a low blow, but she couldn’t keep back her snarky remarks because she had been doing that since they’d met. “And you aren’t sorry that he’s gone. Don’t act like you care that he left either. I know you didn’t like him,” She said in a monotone.

Her anger had been dwindling at the end of her little rant, but the more he spoke, the more he poked at the burning embers. “You really think you have to tell me you have other things to deal with?! Why the hell do you think I don’t want to go to you! I know you have more important things to handle! Why would I burden you with my pathetic existence when you have more dangerous things to take care of?” She cut off before she could say what she was really thinking. The last thing he needed to hear was just how dark her mind had gotten. It was a very good thing he wasn’t a telepath. His mentioning of them made the thought come to the forefront of her mind. Why couldn’t they have just offed her when they held the gun to her head? She mentally shook herself as the tears continued pouring down her cheeks. His apology didn’t pierce through her mind and she barely heard what he was saying as the images took over and she rubbed at her wrists nervously.

He screamed back at her and she cringed again, her body trembling as she sobbed harder with each accusation that flew between them. “That’s bull shit and you know it! I didn’t accuse you of anything! You asked me what was wrong and I told you what happened and you assumed that I was accusing you! You were so sure that I was blaming you for what I was afraid of!” She collapsed on the ground, unable to handle it anymore. Her chest was aching and her wrists were itching. All she wanted was to go back to her dorm room and stay in there forever. Adrian curled in on herself, refusing to look at him as he apologized again. She couldn’t answer his question because she didn’t even know. Her lower lip trembled and she bit down on it before speaking again, “I-I don’t know, Lani. I just…” She cut off again as her throat tightened. “Part of me…just wants to end all of this…the pain, the frustration, the loneliness…all of it.”

[Lani Hunter]

Lani didn’t want to admit it but the moment when it was really over and Venn came into the picture Lani had been a little wary of coming around Adrianna. He hadn’t forgotten about Venn’s desire to turn him inside out and Lani tended to like to be in one piece. Lani couldn’t say he was upset that Venn was gone, but for Adrianna he was. He made her happy. Happier than Lani had even been or ever would have been able to make her. Looking at Adrianna now brought out the confusion that he was still working through. She had always been beautiful and his heart still stirred for her and his hands ached to touch her, make all of the problems go away. Why did nothing make sense anymore? Breathing in and out slowly Lani worked on not getting angry. It took a lot to get Lani to jump into a fight but anger came easily. He was just good at hiding it. If Adrianna could see his tells of lying Lani would love to know it. Odion said it was in his eyes but he didn’t know how to control the expression in his eyes.

The telekinetic visibly flinched as she drove a nail through him. The problem with getting to know someone and letting them get to know him was that they could do things like this to him. They could hit where it hurt and they could hit it hard. His masks had always been a protection, something to keep the softer side of him from being wounded. He had never used it to hurt someone and now that it had he didn’t know what to do anymore. He raised his hands in a ‘caught me’ gesture. “Fine, I don’t like Venn. I’m not sorry that he’s gone. I can go out my door now without fear of being attacked, so yes I’m rather glad he’s gone,” Lani admitted harshly since she had brought it up anyways, “But I’m also furious with him.” He had made Adrianna so happy and now he was gone. Lani was happy as a clam, at least he would be, if it weren’t for how it was killing Adrianna.

“I don’t know, Adrianna!” Lani returned. Well it was an unnecessary statement as she went ahead a told him. Lani opened his arms in desperation. This was how she saw him? After all this time? When did he ever ignore her problems or deem them pathetic? “Those are your words not mine,” He declared harshly, “Do not put those words in my mouth.” What was going on? He knew he had screwed up and should have been around more but this was something a lot more intense than he had ever anticipated. She wasn’t just giving him the tongue lashing he deserved. She was taking all of her anger out on him. At the world, at her mother’s disease, at Venn. Lani just happened to be the unfortunate soul that had crossed her path. “I have never thought you pathetic. Hell, Adrianna, you’re one of the strongest people I know.” He shook his head. “If you think that being upset because your mother is dying is pathetic than you’re delusional. And I hate to break it to you Adrianna but stuff like this was going on when we were dating and I always, always had time to listen.”

“Really? Well you sure coulda fooled me! You might not have said it but you doubted me. I hadn’t done anything and you still let Rhett make you doubt me! That’s just as bad as an accusation.” As it poured out Lani realized he had been more upset about that than he thought initially. Lani shook his head at her. He couldn’t understand why she was going at her wrists like they were poisonous. Lani’s anger was washed away like a wave in the ocean as she fell to her knees. Eyes wide he watched her and half of his heart wanted to just hold her and kiss her and make her feel better, the other half was warning him to keep his distance. His brows shot toward his hairline. “What?” He asked his voice hoarse with disbelief. He took a few steps and dropped to his knees his eyes a shattered array of worry and pain and shock. Before she could protest he pulled her into his arms. “You don’t mean that. Tell me you don’t mean that.” He said his voice almost pleading. His poor Adrianna, she had fallen so hard and there was no one there to catch her. Not even him.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Venn didn’t like Lani anymore than Lani liked him it was true and Adrianna knew the mutual feelings between the two boys. Just because she knew it didn’t mean she liked acknowledging it though. In fact, every time either of them talked poorly of the other it tore her apart. The two men in her life that she had fallen so hard for hated each other and she knew there was nothing that would make them get along. Venn wasn’t wrong for his reasons that he hated Lani, he merely held all of the anger that Adrianna hadn’t about the kidnapping. And Lani wasn’t wrong either for not liking Venn considering he was so ready to beat the blonde boy. Adrian knew them both well and she knew that Venn would not go after Lani despite his threats. He knew how she felt towards the blonde and he knew that it would only make her upset with him if he did.

As he flinched, she swallowed back the apology that came bubbling to her lips. It was an instinct to apologize when she said something hurtful, but she didn’t feel like he deserved the apology. Not now at least. It wasn’t as though he wasn’t being just as harsh to her. Adrian hadn’t really meant what she said, but there was a truth behind it. Lani was always hiding his feelings when he didn’t trust someone and the fact that he had kept some of those feelings from her just showed that he hadn’t trusted her as much as he claimed. His gesture had her gritting her teeth and she listened to him as he shot back at her with cruel words. “That just goes to show how well you know him! You’re so afraid of him hurting you, but if you even knew him you’d know that he isn’t like that. He wouldn’t attack you because he knows how much you mean to me. He’s not a monster like you make him out to be and you have no right to be angry with him!” She snapped.

He yelled once more and she curled her hands into fists at her side. “I didn’t say they were your words for God’s sake Lani! You may not think that I’m pathetic and worthless but I do! I’m not strong; I’m a weakling that can’t handle what life throws at her!” Yes she was being irrational by yelling at him more than what was deserved, but she couldn’t stop. All of the pent up anger and frustration at him and everyone else was finally coming out and she didn’t want to hold back anymore. That was part of the reason she had lost herself in the first place. “That was when we were dating back when you had a reason to care about me… when you felt obligated to listen to my problems. It isn’t the same Lani and you know things are different,” She said softly.

Adrian threw her hands up, “I doubted everyone!! You would too if you kept getting your heart stomped on every time you put yourself out there! And yet through the doubt I still ended up loving you.” She stopped before she said something she knew she’d regret. Instead she just let her head fall in her hands, her hoody sleeves pulling back slightly to show a little sliver of the bandages around her wrists. Before she could say anything, she felt his arms wrap around her and she was pulled closer to him. Her body trembled and she buried her face in his shoulder as tears began soaking his shirt. “I do, Lani. I just want it all to stop,” She whispered through her tears.

[Lani Hunter]

There wasn’t a lot that Lani could say that was good about Venn. Once he had thought they could be friends. They lived together and had always been cordial. Then Adrianna had told Venn what happened and Lani was hiding in his room. It was a good thing he was rather good at escaping out windows. Just as Venn wouldn’t go after Lani, Lani wouldn’t go after Venn, not unless he thought Venn deserved it. And he thought he could get away in one piece. Perhaps if the two meatheads had spoken to each other instead of dwelling on their hatred they might have realized that they shared a common goal. To make Adrianna happy. If Venn made her happy, Lani was more than willing to let it slide and deal with Venn. But he wasn’t sure that he could trust hot headed Venn. Lani had two advantages, speed and his power. If Venn wanted to beat him senseless and could get his hands on Lani, Lani was a goner. But if Venn used his power Lani could grab him and throw him pretty much anywhere he pleased.

Adrianna was striking hard and without mercy. It was hard for Lani to keep from doing the same thing. He had far less grievances with her than she had with him and it was painful to stand there and take the bullets to his heart. Lani bit out a laugh his pride kicking in. “I am not afraid of him hurting me.” He crossed his arms, Lani didn’t like to admit that he was afraid of anything much less when someone called him on it. Adrianna wasn’t just anyone, she could scream at him and tear him down for everything he had done to her and survive and have Lani on his knees asking for her forgiveness. Anyone else would have a bloody nose by now. He snorted but didn’t say anything. He didn’t have any valid reasons to be angry because if he were to tell her he was angry with Venn for leaving Adrianna then she could very easily call him a hypocrite.

Lani didn’t know what to do except keep yelling. He had been angry about being attacked, but now he was angry because she was attacking him and herself. This wasn’t an easy fix. It wasn’t like someone being forced to listen to a bully that he could knock out. No the bully was in her head. The greatest critics of our lives are found in the ones in our own heads. But critics can become impossible to dispute and become harsher than intended. “What the hell are you talking about?” He demanded. “You call yourself weak and I’m the liar?” He couldn’t imagine where this had all come from. “Things are different,” he agreed, “But I never felt obligated! Who the hell do you think I am? You think I cared because we were dating? Did you think that as soon as we broke up I’d stop caring? Wow, Adrianna, I’m glad to know exactly what you think of me. Thanks.” He never let up his glare as he spoke and raising his voice was happening more frequently than it had ever happened with her.

Lani turned his head as she spoke again and he lashed out. “And maybe if everyone in your life was hell bent on taking away everything you love, you’d lie too!” He screamed at her. He knew he lied and he knew he was wrong to but he couldn’t help but call her on that. The silence that followed was deafening and Lani couldn’t keep himself from pulling Adrianna into his arms after that. “Don’t say things like that.” Lani said holding her tightly. He didn’t know what to do here. He didn’t have any solutions. How was he supposed to make Adrianna change the way she thought? He pulled away to look at her and that was when he caught sight of her wrists. He snatched her hand and pulled her sleeve down. His eyes widened at the bandages. “What did you do?” He screamed at her.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Adrianna was losing her fight, losing her drive, losing everything that made her want to argue with him. It was like she was being drained physically, emotionally and mentally all at once. But she was still able to make a few biting comments that would hurt. It wasn’t like she wanted to do this though, in fact, she hated that they were fighting right now. It was taking a harder toll on her than she expected and it made her wrists itch and ache. It was almost like a craving now, whenever she got overly stressed she craved the relief that cutting brought her. She couldn’t very well do anything about it now though. Perhaps when she got home, but she knew it couldn’t be on her wrists again, they were bad enough. Maybe she’d try it on her legs, that was an easy cover spot.

He snapped back at her and she snorted, “There you go again, letting your pride get in the way. Big shocker that is!” She didn’t have any other snarky comment. Her mind was far too distracted to focus on that. Instead she was thinking about how to hide it from Elisia and Levi. The two of them were perceptive, but she could be sneaky when she needed to be. This was a time when she needed to be. Neither of them needed to know what was going on with her, not now. Her eyes were trained on him, daring him to make a retort to what she’d said. She knew she had him when he merely snorted and said nothing. He was smart not to say anything because she knew if he brought up Venn’s absence, she’d use it against him in any way she could.

The biggest enemy Adrian had these days was her mind, her thoughts, her insecurities. All the things she hid before came bubbling up to the surface. And she couldn’t push them back any longer, she didn’t have the strength to. “Don’t bull shit me, Lani. I am weak, don’t pretend like I’ve survived so much because I’m so strong. This has all been building under the surface, you just never noticed.” The curse words that came from her lips were foreign and yet, she used them well. Sentence enhancers for when she was angry and fed up with the way things were. She was done being that sweet, innocent girl that didn’t say bad words. “What else was I supposed to think Lani? Because I have such a great track record with men. You’re right. I thought so lowly of you,” she said, her voice coated in sarcasm. “You always take everything so damn personally! None of my problems were because of you, they all started before you! I’m used to people being obligated to care! Hell, I’ve known Venn for almost ten years and I still feel like he’s obligated!! I worry about my own mother not caring for crying out loud!”

Adrian had never screamed at someone so much, and though she wasn’t apologizing for it now, everything she said to him was crushing her more. As if she wasn’t bad off before, this was only making her feel worse. She saw the change in herself and it scared her. “Do you not see that everything I love is being taken away?! My mother, you, Venn, my old life! All of it is being ripped away from me and there’s nothing I can do about it!” That was the final straw. It all came pouring out of her and she clung to him. “I can’t take it anymore, Lani…” He pulled her back to look at her and as his eyes focused in on her wrists, she realized what he was seeing. Before she could pull away and fix her sleeve, he snatched her hand and exposed her arm. Wincing at the shock and what she thought was pain in his voice, she pushed away from him and scooted back, feeling disgusting and horrible because of the way he was looking at her.

She whispered, eyes focused away from him, “I lost myself, Lani.”

[Lani Hunter]

Lani had no idea how much screaming at him was hurting her. He thought it would make her feel better. Let all of the anger and emotions pour out. It was healthier than holding onto them and letting them devour her. Oblivious Lani was usually good at figuring out what was bothering someone and with Adrianna it was very easy to find the source of her pain. Or so he thought, but he had no idea all of the other things that were wearing down on her. She had taken the world on her shoulders and she was letting it crush her. Lani felt like she was falling and when he reached for her she bit him. Admittedly he hadn’t been the perfect friend, and hardly the perfect boyfriend before that. He had tried and it had been an act. Being with Odion had taught him that, it left a bitter taste in his mouth to think of what he had done to her.

His jaw fell open at her accusation. She wasn’t wrong but it still pissed Lani off. He had a problem, he couldn’t handle it when people called him out. Lani definitely had a problem. But he didn’t realized that Adrianna had just as many. He had always thought of her as carefree. Until he had learned of her fears, but she was always optimistic. Always bright, always cheery. Looking at her now it was like that person had never existed. Lani clenched his jaw and pressed on the bridge of his nose. “Adrianna, fine. Fine.” He raised his hands. “You win. I’m a prideful ass. I know. But I’ve done a hell of a lot worse.” They both knew that and he didn’t have to elaborate. As much as he wanted her to feel better being torn to shreds like this wasn’t exactly pleasant for him. He had a feeling that he was getting the brunt of all of her anger.

Raising his hands in a gesture of confusion, Lani could not figure out where all of this was coming from. “Never noticed?” Lani repeated dully. “Adrianna, you have been kidnapped and you survived. You expect me to believe you when you say you’re weak. That is some bull shit.” He blinked stunned at the turn it had taken. “How am I supposed to take it?” He demanded, “So you’ve had bad luck. You’re not the only one. Adrianna, not everyone is going to use you. I’m sorry okay. I’m sorry!” He didn’t know what else he could say. Lani grabbed her shoulders and looked into her normally warm brown eyes. “Adrianna, you need to stop tearing yourself down. Everyone loves you. Everyone cares about you. I care about you. No one’s obligated.” How could he make her understand? He wasn’t a psychologist. How could he make her understand? She wasn’t as bad as she thought she was.

She was getting destroyed. And it was only her fault. Her head was telling her these things and she was believing it. His heart broke and he clung to her wishing he could just make it all go away. And when he saw her wrists he didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know what to say. He had never known anyone who felt this torn apart. He didn’t know how to fix this. Lani grabbed at her hands using his strength to keep her from fleeing from him. Lani shifted and pulled her into his arms. He kissed the top of her head and held onto her. “Easy, easy. Everything will be okay.” All of the anger fell away from him and all he wanted to do help. He held her tightly and closed his eyes holding back tears himself. He had only felt this helpless once in his life and that was when he had been told that Caroline was dying. “Okay. Shh, it’s okay. You know what, we’ll find you again. I’ll help you. You know that bright beautiful Adrianna I fell for. She’s right here.” He brushed his hand through her hair for a moment flashing back to when they were together. “I want to help you see what I see.” He blinked his eyes dry and kissed her forehead.

“Now, let me take a look at that.” He let go of everything she had said that had hurt and took one of her hands and very gently pushed her sleeve away from her wrist. He wanted to help her, he needed to help her. Not for the reasons that she thought. But because he cared. He let his eyes take it in and took a deep ragged breath that struggled to break him into tears. “We shouldn’t let these get infected. Did you clean them?” He was trying his best to stay calm. For her sake. Little did she know as soon as they left here he was going to swipe her room clean of everything that could potentially be used to hurt herself.

[Adrianna Carstyn]

Being so different from everyone else, screaming didn’t make her feel better like it would someone else. She hated screaming, she hated being angry and she hated hurting other people with her words. For her, the way she let something out was through dance and crying uncontrollably. Sure, she wasn’t a huge fan of bawling either, but it was better than getting so angry that she said things she’d regret later. Her method didn’t work very well though because it was rare that she talked about the stuff that struck her the hardest. Adrian told all of her close friends about the problems on the surface, but she never really got into how hard it was for her and the affect it had on her. No one knew that, not even her mother.

His jaw dropped and she regretted her words. Just as she was about to apologize though, she bit her tongue. It wasn’t as if he was apologizing for what he said. Instead, she let her mind wander back to the beginning, back when they had gone running. That was when she thought she had a hard life, little did she know that it was nothing compared to what she would later face. It was when she thought of him as a typical guy, sweet and funny, but someone who understood the pain of coming close to losing someone you couldn’t live without. Unfortunately, she hadn’t known then that she would only get closer every day that passed. Things were so different then. “I’ll give you that,” She said shortly. That would be the only thing that she admitted to him being right about, at least for now. Adrianna knew she’d end up apologizing for it later.

“I didn’t do anything though! How is that strong when it was you and Odion who did everything?! The power mimic who could have pulled out any power in her arsenal stood there, bawling like a baby wishing that her boyfriend would come save her. That isn’t strong, Lani. That’s pathetic,” She said harshly. The kidnapping was something she relived every night when she went to sleep. How rough they had been with her, the comments they made about her, the gun pressed against her temple and the thoughts running through her mind. All she had wanted was for Lani to be with her in that moment to be the hero he always turned out to be. It didn’t matter to her that he had lied, all she wanted was him. But those weren’t the only things that she focused on. It got under her skin that she didn’t do anything to help them get out. Adrian was so angry with herself for freezing under the pressure. Tears were sliding down her cheeks, but she was still in that phasing stage between anger and sadness. “It feels that way though…I can’t get over the feeling that everyone is just going through the motions. Especially with my father back now….”

Before she could escape him completely, he gently, but firmly pulled her back into him. She couldn’t contain herself anymore, the tears were just pouring from her eyes and she buried her face into his shoulder, finally getting some comfort from him. Comfort that she needed, but that wasn’t quite the same as before. Her chest ached with every word and it hurt more and more. She thought she missed him before, but now that he was holding her and trying to soothe her like he had before, she knew that it was far more than she even expected. It had been so long since she had hugged him and been held by him. Looking up at him, her lower lip trembled and she wrapped her arms tight around his neck. She rested her cheek against his shoulder and sniffled. “I’m just worried that I’ll never be the same. If I’m like this now…what will it be like when she actually dies? What happens if Venn never comes back? I just…I don’t want to be like this forever,” She whispered as he let her go a little bit.

As Lani took her hand and pushed the sleeve up, she bit her lip and watched for his reaction. As much as it was a craving, she still worried about what other people would think of her for doing it. She didn’t want him to see it. She nodded slightly, “I’ve gotten better about cleaning them and wrapping them daily. The first time was a bad experience…and I don’t want to leave any blood or anything in the bathroom in case Levi or Ellie find it.” They were the ones she really feared finding out because they lived with her and were there when it happened most of the time.