TIMEWARP: I Just Can't Be Without You, Girl (Mia)

[River Tseung]

((Late 2013))

River's heart was beating out a rhythm in his chest. Th-thump. Th-thump. Th-thump. He was so nervous, more so than he could recall being in a long time. Never before had he felt quite like this, never fallen quite so hard for anyone before. He had had his share of dating in the past, of course - a movie night here, a walk in the park there. It wasn't as though he was totally naive. But he had never gotten past a second date with anyone, mostly because he had always been too scared to attach himself to one person. He was so afraid of getting hurt, or hurting someone, that he had never taken that risk.

Now, things were different. The more time he had spent with Mia, the more he had realized how much he admired her. First of all, she was talented beyond belief. That, he had known since the day he met her. He had also known, of course, that she was beautiful; that was a given. But the more he had gotten to know her, and the more she slowly opened up to him about her past, the more he began to feel connected to her on a level that he had never had with anyone else. She had such a deep sadness in her that he wanted to erase, to fill her mind with happy, beautiful memories rather than ones that made her feel broken.

He had asked her to meet him by the pond today; it was pretty warm for being almost winter, but he was still dressed in a warm jacket with a scarf wrapped firmly around his neck. Still, he felt quite warm, probably because of all the blood beating quickly though his system. Mia should be there at any minute - he hoped he wouldn't mess this up. It was too important to him.

[Mia Bell]

Mia walked out of the dorms; she really wasn’t sure what was going on. All that she knew was that River wanted her to come down to the pond. This of course was good enough for her, she was always happy to spend time with the boy. He made her feel special, in a different way than anyone else did. It had taken her some time to realize she was falling for the boy, and even now, she was still trying to deny it. Even though he always told her how awesome she was, and always complimented her. She still felt like she wasn’t good enough for him. That, or she felt like there was no way someone like him would even consider being with her.

It had taken her a lot of courage to open up to River like she had. He had quickly grown to be her closest friend of all time, which was amazing considering just how closed off she was about her past. But even with everything, River had come to accept her past, and how broken she was, he was still around, and that’s what made her so happy.

Coming to the pond, she spotted River, and waved at him. Mia walked a little faster, “Hey! What’s up? You wanted to see me right?” She said as she hugged him.

[River Tseung]

The seconds felt like hours as River waited, until finally he heard the sound of footsteps in the grass behind him. Swallowing his nerves, he turned, and managed to put on his bright smile even though inside he was shaking. Why was he so nervous? He knew Mia better than he knew almost anyone - he himself had finally been able to break down around her, to open himself up and share how he felt when he acted like he was fine around everyone else. There was definitely something between them. He couldn't just be imagining it.

"Hey sweetheart!" he replied, returning the embrace wholeheartedly. "Um, n-not much," he added, immediately cursing internally for the stutter. He never stuttered! "Yeah, actually! I, uh, I kind of wanted to talk to you about... Stuff." He was still smiling, but the strain was evident in his eyes. "Wanna sit down?" He motioned towards a bench, plopping down in it himself and patting the space next to him.

How on earth was he even going to begin? "Remember when we met here for the first time?" he mused, looking out over the pond. "It seems like so long ago, but it really hasn't been that long..." He had had no idea back then how their friendship would blossom, or how much he would begin to fall for the girl with so much tragedy in her history. Now, he had to open himself more than he ever had; and Mia was the only person he knew he could do that with. "I've never been more happy to meet someone in my life." He risked a glance at her, hoping to get a gauge on her reaction so far.

[Mia Bell]

Mia had never felt so close to a single person since her father died. It was amazing how well they both knew each other, and even more amazing how quickly Mia was able to open up to him and vise versa. River was just so different than all the other guys, especially different from the usual guys she fell for. River was so nice, and comforting, and all of the above. There were so many words to describe the boy, she couldn’t just pick a few. There was something between them, but Mia felt like it was just on her side. It was so confusing, because it was so hard to tell, he acted almost the same with every other girl. She didn’t think there was a way to tell, even if she thought there was anything there on his side.

Mia tilted her head to the side a little; she was a little confused. “Did I do something?” It wasn’t often that River wanted to talk about ‘stuff’ so suddenly like this. Actually it rarely ever happened, they usually started talking when they were just randomly hanging out. She was getting more nervous, “Sure..” She said as she followed him to the bench. She sat side ways so she was able to look at him.

Looking out at the pond she sighed, “Yeah, I remember.. How could I forget?” It was an awesome day, one of the best days she had in awhile back then. And ever since then River was always there to brighten her day and mood. “It does seem like a long time looking back, but the months have went by so fast. I still can’t believe it’s almost winter..” She had no idea anyone would fall for her either, especially when the person knew about her history. She always thought it was way too much for anyone to handle, and too much to ask anyone to look past. However, River was always the type of person she wanted to fall for, he was always her knight in shining armor. Mia blushed and looked at the ground, “I feel the same way. I.. Well, I mean that I’ve also never been more happy to meet someone in my life, that someone being you of course…” And now she was babbling. But in the end what he was saying was confusing her even more. Was this all he wanted? Was to talk about how they met?

[River Tseung]

River sensed Mia's confusion, and when she asked if she had done something, he immediately felt terrible. "No! No no, nothing at all!" he reassured her, touching her arm lightly. "It's nothing like that, I swear." At least she agreed to follow him to the bench; he was doing a terrible job at this. Funny, since he was usually so calm and clear-headed when he talked to anyone else.

Her answer to his question calmed him a bit, though, and he let himself relax slightly. "I can't forget it either," he murmured, crossing his fingers together in his lap. He bit his lip. "I know, it's amazing how quickly time can pass when you're enjoying yourself," he agreed, thinking about all the time they had spent together since that day back in July. "It could be the same day, if it wasn't so cold." Smiling lightly, he reached a hand into his pocket and pulled out a chocolate kiss. He offered it to Mia, feeling his cheeks begin to get warm despite the temperature. What she was saying made him feel a bit bolder; could she possibly... Was she thinking the same as him? "You don't know how happy it makes me to hear that," he murmured.

River hesitated, then reached out to touch her cheek, tilting her head up slightly from the ground so she was looking at him. "When we... When I'm around you, I never have to put on an act, Mia. You make me so genuinely happy, I... I just have a hard time remembering what it was like before I met you. I know we haven't really known each other for a long time, and I know... I know how much you've been hurt in the past." He took a deep breath. "But I will never hurt you like that, Mia. I swear. You're much too precious to me."

He paused again, wringing his hands together nervously. "I guess... I guess what I'm trying to say, is... I think I'm falling for you, sweetheart." There, he said it. With those words out, he quickly continued on,"And, I was hoping, maybe, you might feel the same. I mean, if you don't, I understand, but... I thought, you know, we could give it a shot. You and me." He looked at her again, fear of rejection clearly evident in his eyes even though he tried to hide it. "What... What do you think?" He had never been so open with someone before; but he knew that Mia was someone who wouldn't hurt him, even if she wasn't interested. She knew what it was like, and she wouldn't want to cause someone to hurt like she had.

[Mia Bell]

River was good at sensing her emotions, which was a good thing when it came to Mia. “Oh, okay. I’m glad.” She was still utterly confused, maybe a bit more confused now.

“It was the best day I had in awhile back then.. I was going through a lot…” She had been really stressed, and River had came into her life and maybe most of it all better. It was amazing how one person could do that. “Yeah, It’s been a great couple months being friends.” She really wouldn’t know where she would be at if it wasn’t for River. Mia chuckled at his statement, “I like the cold though. It reminds me of home.” Or the place she would have once called home, but now it seemed like a nightmare. Mia smiled at the kiss and took it, she didn’t like chocolate, but she was going to eat it anyway, just because it was a kiss, and it was from River. “really? I mean.. I never thought it would make you very happy. I mean you must have met a lot of great girls here at Hammel. Who are all way better than me..” she mumbled the last part.


Mia was surprised by the touch, and looked at him with wide eyes, not because he had done anything wrong, but just from surprise. Mia listened intently, she couldn’t stop smiling, and blushing. But at the end, her heart skipped a beat, “I believe you.. You are so precious to me too, and I never want to hurt you, or see you hurt.” Tears started to fall onto her cheeks, she wasn’t sure why she was crying, she wasn’t sad, which was obvious because it wasn’t raining. Was what he saying, mean what she thought it did?

“Oh.. River..” But she didn’t have a chance to say anything else before he started talking again. “I feel the same way, River.” She said as he finished speaking, she smiled, her heart was beating so fact she thought it was going to burst out of her chest any second now. She leaned forward to kiss River on the cheek, it wasn’t a quick peck either, she had lingered with her lips pressed to his cheek for a good second or so before pulling away. “I would love to give us a shot.” She looked at the ground though, “But… Are you sure… You want to give it a shot with me? Isn’t there someone else that you like more?” She was just having a hard time believing she was the only one he had eyes on.

[River Tseung]

"It has been," River nodded, in reply to their months as being friends. He hadn't realized one person could make such a difference in his life; he, at least, had been happy before. Now, he was just even happier. A lot. Mia's comment about him having a lot of great girls made him let out a short bark of surprised laughter. "I mean, I've met a lot of good friends, but no... Nothing like that. I think most girls see me as being just another friend to talk to, which I'm fine with, you know?" He was king of the friendzone, and proud of it. In most cases. He caught her mumble, though, and his expression sobered. "Hey. Don't ever think that about yourself. Ever. You're amazing, Mia." He hated how she thought about herself, and wanted so badly to help her realize just how special she was.

The blush on Mia's cheeks was captivating, and River wanted to watch her forever, but before he knew it her beautiful eyes were dampening, and he watched with anxiety as tears began to fall. Had he said something wrong?! But no, what she was saying... He didn't know what to think. "Hey," he murmured, brushing a thumb to brush a tear softly from her cheek. "Don't cry, pretty girl." Always the empath, he could feel his own eyes begin to water.

River braced himself for her answer; when she finally spoke, he felt his heart freeze in his chest, then pick up a hundredfold as she said she felt the same. "Oh... Oh gosh," he sighed happily. He felt like he was glowing, he was filled with so much joy. A wide, happy smile crossed his face, enough to show his dimples, and he closed his eyes as Mia pressed her lips to his cheek, leaving a soft, lingering kiss. He felt the warmth there even after she pulled away. "Mia, I'm... Oh gosh, I'm so happy," he murmured, pulling her into a hug and resting his chin on top of her head. He pressed his mouth against the top of her hair as she spoke. "Of course I'm sure. I've never been more sure. I've always been afraid... Afraid of something like this, Mia. But... Getting to know you, sweetheart... It's just changed me for the better." Enough to make him take the risk. "There's no one else," he murmured.

[Mia Bell]

Mia blinked at him, and frowned. It was nice to know he found it funny, even if she hadn’t. She rubbed the back of her neck, she felt a little stupid for saying it, a lot stupid. It was her insecurities and jealousy getting the better of her, like it always did. “I had a friend who thought the same thing… But he wound up having three girls fall for him…” She really didn’t want the same thing to happen with River, she didn’t want him picking someone else over her. In any point in time. “It’s true… All my friends, all my crushes, they always had someone better.” Maybe that was her playing the ‘victim’, but even her girl friends always had better friends to go to. She always felt like she was the person others went to when they had no one else.

Mia bit her bottom lip, “I’m sorry… I can’t help it.. I never imagined this would happen..” She never thought she was good enough for River, for anyone. It had taken Mia awhile to realize it, but River was the guy she had always wanted, he was her perfect partner. But she never thought he felt the same way about her. Especially after she told him about her scars, all of them. She was ashamed of herself, and felt that everyone who found out about her bad habit was also ashamed of her. She started sobbing just thinking about it. “I’m sorry..” It was hard for her to come to terms with.

“I’m so happy too.” Even if it was taking her longer to process it all than he was, she still couldn’t believe he felt the same way about her. “You’re willing to take that risk for me? Don’t I make you even more afraid?” Wasn’t she full of the one thing he didn’t want to be a part of? Drama, she knew she was full of it, and knew any relationship she got into wasn’t going to be easy, she was full of insecurities, and because of that she got easily jealous. “No one has ever said that to me, and mean it…” It had always been a lie.

[River Tseung]

River shrugged a bit; if any other girls liked him, it would be news to him. He didn't mind the fact, but he did seem to be seen more as a friend than boyfriend material most of the time, as far as he knew. It was just how he was, and that was absolutely fine! "Well, even if someone did happen to like me, that doesn't change how I feel about you," he murmured. Mia wasn't his last option, not by a long shot; she was the only one, in his eyes.

His face saddened as Mia continued to cry; he wished he could do something, anything to make her understand just how much he really meant what he said. He just continued to hold her, gently caressing her back with his fingers. "Don't apologize, songbird," he whispered. "I'm just as shocked that you would like me. I can't even imagine what you've been through, and that you're still willing to... To try this..." He knew how much it had taken for Mia to allow herself to open up to someone the way she had with him; it was something he would never take for granted, ever. The scars she had were so deep, and she was such a guarded person, that the fact she was even considering giving this a chance made him feel like the luckiest guy in the world.

At least she said she was happy. Behind the tears, maybe he was really changing her life for the better. Could he be? He didn't know for sure. "Yes," he answered without hesitation. "Afraid? Afraid of what? Sweetheart, you just don't realize how... How different I feel around you. I can open up to you like no one else, and know you'll understand where I'm coming from. I've never found someone like that. And I know you'll..." He took a deep breath. "I know you'll never hurt me. And I know I already said it, but I swear I'll never hurt you." He brushed another tear from Mia's face, before leaning down to kiss her cheek softly. "I do mean it," he murmured against her skin. "I promise on my life."

[Mia Bell]

Mia looked at him, and smiled “That means a lot to me.” It was the main thing she was always scared of. That someone better would come along in her crushes life, and leave her hanging because of it. It has actually happened a few times now. It made her believe that she was always a last option, second best, whatever you wanted to call it. She never would have thought that she would meet someone who only saw her.

It wasn’t necessarily that she didn’t believe him, just that she couldn’t believe that it was happening. She had come to terms with never finding someone like River, and never hearing all the things he was telling her. But now, it was happening, everything she ever wanted to be told, River was telling her. It was like he had read her mind, but she knew that was impossible. “You’re so different from all the other guys I’ve dated… You truly are the kind of guy I’ve always wanted to be with, the guy I’ve always dreamed of having.” So, it was a no brainer that she would try having a relationship with him, she would be stupid to pass it up. “You really are a great person…” Which is why she was surprised by the fact that he was always put in the friend zone.

Maybe he really was changing her life, a lot of people would have thought it was pathetic that she needed a guy to change her life. But it was really what Mia needed, it wasn’t about the fact that he was a guy, it was about the love, and the love that he was willing to give her that no one else was. That, that is what was changing her life. “Because I always tend to push people away, even for the slightest stupidest reasons… That and I’m full of drama… I thought it was something you didn’t want to deal with…” She smiled at him, and placed her hand gently on his cheek, “I feel the exact same way, River… You always listen to me, and I feel like you always understand me, even when I’m not sure I understand myself..” Which, she has found out that a lot of people don’t understand her. “I know you mean it.” He didn’t know how much that promise meant to her.

[River Tseung]

Mia had told River about her rough history with guys, and though he hadn't experienced similar things, he felt terrible that there were people like them that had hurt her so deeply. "I'm glad you know I'm not like them," he murmured. Nothing he ever said was not genuine; he would never take advantage of Mia, nor anyone else for that matter. But the fact that there were guys out there that only wanted women for one thing just made him sick. Unlike a lot of men, he wasn't driven by his desire for intimacy and sex - no, he was driven more by heart and compassion. And maybe that's what Mia could see in him. "I hope I can be everything you've dreamed of," he told her quietly. "I'll do my best. I'm the luckiest guy in the world right now." He let a grin cross his face; he was just so happy, he couldn't keep it in.

River definitely had a lot of love to give, and he had more than enough to give to Mia, now that she would allow him to be that special in her life. They really hadn't known each other that long, but in that moment, he felt he could love her for a lifetime, and beyond. "You push people away because you've had others hurt you in the past," he murmured. "You take time to trust people, and I think that's perfectly natural considering all you've been through." He was just amazingly lucky that he had been able to get past that point. "And even if there is drama, I don't care. It's all worth it." He closed his eyes as she touched his cheek. "It's not as hard as you think, Mia," he told her, smiling gently. "I could listen to you forever."

A drop of water hit his nose, and River looked up, squinting. It was getting later than he had realized, and some rainclouds had moved in without him noticing. "C'mon," he murmured, taking Mia's hand lightly and giving it a gentle squeeze. "I think this would be much nicer with some blankets and hot cocoa." His smiled brightly then, laughing and pulling Mia into a tight hug before heading towards the dorms, still holding her hand in his own.