Keep on Keeping On

[Rowan Booker]

Rowan wasn't quite sure why he'd bothered going to Boston. After what had happened, it was probably the worst thing for him to do, yet he did it anyway with the hopes that things would have turned out differently. Sad thing was that it had gone the exact way he had expected. Talking to his mother about Alex was a mistake, she told him that it was stupid of him to get involved with someone like that. He was too young to feel love and love wasn't all that important anyway. 'After all,' she said, 'look at how well I'm doing alone.' Rowan took one look at her and knew that he didn't want that life. He wanted to be cared for and loved by someone that didn't feel obligated to love him.

The only highlight to his vacation had been seeing his aunt. Maryna was so unlike his mother and he had to say he was relieved that when his parents divorced that she had stuck around, even if his own father hadn't. She told him that it was completely natural to fall in love and to get heart broken in high school. That it was necessary to grow up. She also threw in that it was the reason his mother had yet to grow up into a real adult, which offered him a laugh. Sometimes, he found himself wishing that she had been his mother instead and that Ben and Beatrice had been his siblings rather than his cousins.

Mulling over what his aunt had said, Rowan knew what he wanted as soon as he returned to Hammel. What he needed. And that was just one thing, one person that would make him feel even the slightest bit better when he saw her.

Lucy.

The art room was where he had checked first, incapable of facing her dorm room because she didn't know about Alex and he didn't want the uncomfortable run-in with his ex that he'd have to explain to his best friend so soon after it happened. So when he entered the art room after hours and found her working, he smiled and relaxed before tapping on the door, "Excuse me, beautiful. I'm looking for this rockin' babe with killer tattoos and a wicked mouth. Can you help me find her?"

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

A lot of things had happened in the month Rowan had been gone. She was sad he had to go, and while he didn't exactly explain why he felt he needed to, she knew not to push the issue. If he wanted to talk about it, he would in his own time.

Despite the fact that they'd kept up communication as best they could, Lucy decided over the phone probably wasn't the best way to explain that she'd told the OCD Queen she loved her. But given that he was her best friend, she still wanted to tell him. Especially since she'd somehow managed to - in her own way - explain the progression of her relationship with her British counterpart to Sawyer already. But Rowan was a different story, and she knew that. And she still hadn't managed to tell him she wasn't graduating this year either. It was strange to keep so much from someone so important.

Nevertheless, she decided to leave the solitude of her room in favour of her second favourite place. The Australian rested the end of her pen against her lower lip, glancing down at the muddled lines on the page before her. She was deep in thought, her nose crinkling when she heard a light tapping against the door. It was irritating to say the least.

But when she heard his voice, she realised who she was dealing with. Immediately she glanced up from what she was doing, her contemplative expression changing to one of elation. It was rare to get the ink manipulator to smile like that. Few people had the skill to gather such a reaction, but he was one of those people.

"You sneaky fuck!"

Leaving her seat without fail, the Australian quickly breached the distance between them and circled her arms around him for an all important hug. Individually, they weren't the type for such contact. But this was different. He was different. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me you were coming back?"

[Rowan Booker]

Rowan couldn't lie, he was a little worried she'd get upset with him for surprising her. He was worried about a lot of things these days. He didn't want her to be mad at him, he wouldn't be able to stand it. Lucy was the one person that always made him feel like he was worth something. That he was special and important. If he was mad at him, he'd have absolutely nothing and that scared him. He'd meant to surprise her as a good thing so that she would be excited to see him, but he couldn't be sure that it would happen that way.

When he saw her, the look on her face, he found that all of his fear and sadness almost melted away. He offered her a smile and a little wave before she came at him, closing the unbearable distance between them and wrapping her arms around him. It was definitely the reaction he'd hoped for. His Lucky had missed him and he had missed her more than anything else in Vermont hands down.

With his arms around her waist, he spun her around and hugged her back tightly. Lucky was the one girl, the one person, that wasn't related to him that he was comfortable being very touchy with. She was special to him, the most important person in his life practically and he loved feeling close to her. She was his soulmate, even if their souls weren't meant to be together in /that/ way.

"Aw, c'mon Lucky. I wanted to surprise you. Aren't you happy to see me?" He asked with a pout as he set her down, keeping his arms around her for a little longer. It had been way too long since he felt comfortable with anyone, and being with Lucy really just made him happier.

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

Lucy couldn't help but laugh when her best friend literally lifted her into the spin she'd been expecting. It was in that moment that she realised just how intently she'd been missing him. Hammel was a strange place without her Rowan.

"Course I'm fucking happy to see you. Are you fucking kidding me?" She retorted sharply, but despite the potenital harsness she was still wearing an ecstatic smile.

She rested her hands on his shoulders, her fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt on instinct. Now that he was there, she realised she had no intention of letting him go. "Fuck, Row. I was beginning to think you'd end up bailing completely." She admitted, despite the fact that she knew that was impossible. Still, she couldn't help the almost defeated tone of her voice.

[Rowan Booker]

Rowan had almost forgotten how tiny his Lucky was compared to him when he spun her around. It was like lifting nothing. Maybe it was just the fact that it had been a long time since he'd felt this kind of reunion with her. Rarely did they spend much time apart, the last time he could think was around the retreat. And that had been flat out torturous, so much had happened in that time frame and now here they were again and so much more had happened.

He smiled at her snappish reply because he knew that it wasn't as harsh as someone else might have taken it. Lucky rarely ever was harsh to him, not unless he was being stupid. He gave her a big squeeze in response and buried his face in her neck, "I missed you so much Lucky."

After he set her down, he felt her fingers in his shirt and it relaxed him further. Lucy was the ultimate cure to all of his problems. She always fixed everything and over all just made him feel happy, like he was capable of loving someone and that someone was capable of loving him back. His smile faltered the slightest bit when she confessed to her thoughts and he sighed, "The idea tempted me a bit, but I couldn't leave you like that, Luck. You know that." Especially after the hell he went through with his mom, he needed Lucy too much to just ditch her and stay in Boston.

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

As soon as Lucy realised he was pulling in close again, she made a point of wrapping her arms around his waist and giving him a purposeful squeeze. Despite how harsh she'd sounded, and how harsh she was acting, she felt any ill feelings dissipate the moment he said he missed her. Rowan wasn't usually the type to share things like that, and it felt a little more weighted than it would from almost anyone else.

"Plus, y'know, you can't." She pointed out, though she was willing enough to take what he said to heart despite the constricting facts.

Still, her gaze dropped from his eyes to one of her hands, and she watched the way she ran the material of his shirt between her fingertips. It was strange enough not having him around, and now she felt like she had to adjust to the idea of him being back. A process that wouldn't take long, but committing such details to memory was important. He would actually be there when she came looking, and that was the most important.

"Why'd you go?" Lucy asked, keeping her gaze fixed on her hand still, "You never said."

[Rowan Booker]

She was right, he couldn't just up and ditch Hammel, even if he'd decided he wanted to, they'd find him, make him graduate and then tell him to leave. Sometimes he wished he could be a normal high schooler because then he'd be allowed to drop out without dealing with some telepathic creeper going through his mind, trying to figure out why he was trying to ditch and then convincing him somehow to stay and motivate him. Rowan didn't want that, he just wanted to be done with school.

It was his own fault that he'd failed, getting too mixed up in the idea of living it up in high school without thinking about college...or if he was even going to college. Rowan hated the idea of his future because it was so uncertain. He had no idea where he was going to end up.

She ran her fingers over his shirt and he just watched her. Such a beautiful girl, full of attitude, but so much more to him. She was another reason he feared the future. Since he was fifteen, he'd never had to think about graduating and parting ways with her. Now it loomed over his head. She could graduate...and he'd be stuck here. If he'd graduated, would they even consider going in the same direction? Rowan had never expected that of Lucy and he knew she'd never expect that of him. But he was scared. It terrified him to think that soon they weren't going to be right down the hall from each other.

His stomach clenched at the idea and he stared at her, taking it all in as if he was about to be dragged away right that second. Rowan kept his arms around her waist and leaned his forehead in so that it was pressed against her temple, "So many reasons, Lucky.... Everything is just going wrong lately," He whispered.

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

Rowan's silence was a little unnerving. It usually meant he was spending far too much time in his head, though the Australian could understand the process incredibly well. It was easier to think towards a solution rather than speak it out loud. Some people required a sound board; they rarely did. Though it could be necessary.

The corner of her mouth pulled into a frown, confusion evident on her features as he leaned inward. She allowed the changes in her face to flow more naturally now that she wasn't underneath the weight of his gaze. They were friends - he was probably the only person Lucy could actively talk to - but they still kept things from each other. At least on Lucy's side of things, what she wanted him to know wasn't something to be expressed over the phone. It was important enough to wait for him.

"What happened?" She asked, a hand moving across his shoulder to curl around his neck lightly.

[Rowan Booker]

All Rowan had been doing was spending time in his own head for the past month and a half. Thinking about every single aspect of his life and whether or not he could just fix it without telling anyone else. Of course he told his cousin because Beatrice just knew everything and called him out on his lying. She never let him get away with it and he was partially glad that she didn't. For being so young, she understood a lot and gave insanely mature advice. Rowan still tried babying her, but he was starting to realize that she wasn't a little girl anymore.

Talking to his cousin had helped him in deciding what he needed Lucy for, besides the obvious comfort. Lucy would somehow fix his broken heart, she'd find a way to make him stop worrying so much about the future, and she'd give him reason to stop bumming. She always did. That was her role as his best friend, fixing all of the things he couldn't fix on his own. He wondered if she noticed how often she fixed all of his problems. The thought made his lips quirk up briefly until the questions started.

It was a now or never kind of thing with them because Rowan knew if he didn't tell her now, he'd keep it to himself and it would stay pent up inside him.

Her hand curled around his neck and he moved his head so that it was now resting on her shoulder. His Lucky. Rowan took a deep breath, "The question is where to start.... I'm failing school Lucky. I'm not graduating this year."

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

The moment he made another move towards her, Lucy became acutely aware that this wasn't just a singular thing. Rowan often found himself caught up in little things, yes, but he never reacted like this. She recalled the last time they'd had a serious conversation - sitting against a wall on different sides. Close, but no contact. The stark difference caught her senses more than she'd like to admit.

Beneath her hand, she felt his chest rise as he took a purposeful breath.

What he offered caused Lucy's eyes to widen slightly, though thankfully, he couldn't see her react. He likely wouldn't have taken such an involuntary response well. But she couldn't help herself, nor could she stop her reactions. The similarities between this moment and the one she shared with Dom were far too striking to ignore. At least this boy was willing to do more than just hold on.

"I'm really fucking glad you said that." Lucy replied in time, opting to lean her head against his as he found comfort on her shoulder; "I'm not going either."

[Rowan Booker]

Rowan wished it was something small, something seemingly insignificant that could be pushed away with just a little nudge. It would be so much easier to deal with then. He was a wreck, a total mess of a person and it was the first time he could say that he didn't know how to fix himself. Whoring around did him no good, he just felt empty. Kicked in the stomach and beaten with a baseball bat. If this was a normal feeling in high school, first love, first heartbreak, he didn't want it anymore.

When it was out in the open, he felt queasy. What if she said she was leaving? What if she went across the country? Or in a different country? Rowan was sure that he'd throw up at any second. He didn't know what he'd do if she left him. He wouldn't be able to tell her goodbye. He wouldn't let her go. Rowan was working himself up unnecessarily though, as he typically did.

Her response confused him and he nearly pulled back to look at her. Until she continued and he felt his shoulders ease into a more relaxed way. He'd been so worried... Rowan closed his eyes and sighed in a very small bit of relief. She wasn't going anywhere. He still had his girl.

But then there was the impending doom of the other problems he had, and the small bit of relief fell flat.

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

Lucy was sure she felt the way he threatened to shift - to pull back completely. Not that she would have stopped him. If he wanted to create distance, that was his choice. Underneath her hands, she felt the way the air shifted from his lungs as he exhaled. She felt the way he seemed to relax, falling into the moment and subsequently, her company.

She was clearly anxious about the news. She had been since she found out, and it was strange to know he wasn't the first person he told. Or the second. But he simply hadn't... Been there. And news like this wasn't the type you shared over the phone.

"What else?" Lucy asked, though she knew she was potentially pushing it. She'd already gotten one important piece of information out of him as it was.

[Rowan Booker]

...What else? The question hadn't even hesitated from her mouth. He'd been hoping to somehow stay on the topic of them reliving their senior year again. Maybe they could have talked about what classes they were failing and who they got to torture in class next year. Which teachers they were repeating and who they were ruining. It would have been so much easier to talk about than any of the other things.

"Uhm, well," He bit his lower lip and didn't hesitate as he pulled back this time. Rowan stepped back from her and slid his hands through his hair. His hands fell down his face and he glanced up at her. "There's kind of a lot that goes all together..." He was going to be sick. Or he was going to run. He didn't know which yet. He didn't even feel comfortable talking about it with Lucy.

Rowan felt himself collapsing from the inside out. He was so sure he was going to just fall. "Lucky...I...you...you were right. About being in love and how stupid it is..." He looked up at her, his eyes expressing the pain an regret he felt for even bothering with some little shy, awkward thing that had hated him from the start.

[Lucy Serrano-Blaise]

When Rowan made the move to pull away, Lucy allowed him to slip from her grasp without any resistance. She pulled away, running her fingers across her heavily tattooed arm as the ink inhabitants turned their eyes to him curiously. There was always something else when he was like this; of course she asked what else. But the fact that he said it was relatively substantial made her feel the unfamiliar touch of worry she liked to avoid.

And he looked uncomfortable. She almost regretted asking. Almost.

Irony. What he offered her was just pure, horribly timed irony. The expression he wore - the pain and evident regret - was met with one of surprise from the ink manipulator. She felt it, too. Like a physical hit. Because it wasn't all that long ago that she told her British counterpart that she loved her. Because she did, and she was just starting to believe it was so.

Then, that look she shared with him darkened and turned with something of an angered spark. The Australian took a short step back. "It's that little fuck, isn't it." Lucy retorted finally, making the move to step past him. "I fucking told him-" Rowan didn't need to know Lucy had been acutely aware of their encounter's inevitable failure, so she cut herself off. But she was going to find him now either way. "-Fuck!"

[Rowan Booker]

He was going to be sick.

Rowan saw the look in her eyes mirroring his and it hurt. He hurt so bad. Why did he let it happen? Why didn't he just shut himself off like he started to! The Halloween dance had gone he way that it should have and he should have just let Alex continue on hating him. That connection he'd felt when he was taking the makeup off of the younger boy, it was only because he'd been hurting. He'd been vulnerable and he'd been stupid. He let someone close to him when he never should have. It was stupid. All of it. Rowan just wanted to go back and stop himself from doing it ever again.

His eyes burned and he felt them fill, but he didn't want to. He didn't want this! None of it, he didn't want to feel like this anymore. The stinging under his eyes, the way his stomach churned. He watched her and saw her expression fade. And he knew what was coming. The very rare side of Lucky that he only saw when something ridiculous like this happened. Something that hurt him. Or someone she loved. The anger. The protective side of her.

Her words struck him and he frowned. She went to move past him, cursing along the way and he reached out to wrap an arm around her tiny little waist. He pulled her back, "Baby, Lucky stop. It's fine...."