I'm Blue Over You(Jade)

[Deleted]

Backdated to April 10, 2014

Has it really only been a week?

No...a little over a week....how long was it supposed to take before everything stopped sucking so bad. The pleasure that Zach once got from pouring himself into his work, into his writing and schooling, had been weighed down and overshadowed by this empty feeling of just wanting to to nothing ever again ever. Zach had been depressed before. There was a time in high school where he was pretty damn depressed. But he didn't feel half as hopeless or like it was the end of the world as much as he did now that he'd cute that guy out of his life.

It needed to be done. But....Kai could've tried harder. He always did, just kept pushing until Zach gave in. But this time, there was no sign that Kai was even going to try to come back. So...that was it then? It was that simple, that easy? All Zach had to do was say no once and Kai decided he wasn't worth it anymore....?

That....really pissed him off. So much that he didn't even realize the tension in his fingers which eventually snapped the tip of his ink pen.

Stupid pens. They never worked properly. When they did, the ink flowed too much and the letters bled together and seeped through the page. And when they didn't, you ended up ripping the paper while trying to get them to work. And now that the tip had snapped, the blue ink poured like a river into the center of the form Zach had been trying to fill out. Now he had a mess to clean up and had to print out another copy of the form. And of course, find another pen. Stupid pens.

Zach sighed, scowling a lot more obvious than he normally did with his resting bitch face, as he dropped the broken pen into the trash receptacle next to his desk cubicle and balanced the blue blob of ink on the paper as he tried to deposit it in the same bin. He did such a splendid job that now his hands were dyed a very beautiful dark blue and offered to paint anything he dared to touch that same desirable color. And now he had to go wash his hands.

Stupid pens. His misery was all their fault.

[Jade Parrish]

Jade hadn't been to the newspaper office in a good few hours, and it was her other home besides her apartment, so when she walked in and tossed her stuff onto her editor-in-chief desk, grateful that the issue had just gone out and so things were calm again. For now anyway.

She wasn't expecting what she found, which was Zach silently raging at his pen which was spiling ink everywhere. As he tossed the pen into the garbage and looked down at his blue hands, she raised an eyebrow at him. "What is your problem?" she asked, regarding him with a strange stare.

[Deleted]

Stupid pen. Making an idiot out of him. He took another deep breath as Jade came wandering in and immediately started sticking her nose in his business again. Overreacting much? Not at all!

"Nothing," he lied, grumbling as he pulled a couple of tissues from the Kleenex box on the desk to wipe his hands with. "I'm fine." Zach fumbled with the tissues as if they performed some sort of personal offense against him. He sighed again. "No, I'm not fine, I lied. Sorry." But he was sure that Jade didn't want to hear him complaining about his issues...she'd probably rub it in his face about how right she was. Zach wasn't sure he wanted to deal with that. He dropped the tissues in the trash bin before stepping out of his little workspace. He needed to go wash his hands.

[Jade Parrish]

He was so grumbly and crabby. Jade had know he was broody when she met him, but she associated that with the fact that he was a writer. All of the best writers were broody, just as all of the best journalists were in your face, much like Jade was. But there he went, blatantly lying about his current emotional state and he somehow thought she'd brush it off and leave it there. Did he not know her at all?! "Is there anything you've learned about me?" she asked him, watching as he got up to move past her after his battle with the pen.

As he started walking off, she called after him. "Is this about the party?"

[Deleted]

Yeah, that she was an invasive brown-noser who didn’t know when to just stay out of other people’s business. “Do you really want me to answer that?” he grumbled as he moved past her.

Zach stopped when she called out and he sighed, dropping his head and massaging his temples between his blue fingers. A big mistake, because when he turned around, there were smears of blue on either side of his face and a dot on his nose. “No, this is not about the party,” he said seriously.

[Jade Parrish]

"You think I don't know who I am? Oh honey, if you think I'm not aware of the kind of person I am, you really don't know me then," Jade snapped back at him promptly. She wasn't ashamed of who she was, she felt no reason to be. "So, yeah, why don't you answer ,Zach? It won't be anything I haven't before."

She was half annoyed that he was walking away, even though part of it was probably to wash off the ink on his hands. Then again, when he turned to face her, it was now smeared on his face and she resisted the urge to laugh as he finally seemed like he was going to talk. "Then what? Because it kind of seems like you're taking it out on me."

[Deleted]

Zach didn’t respond to her sass. He wasn’t in the mood to argue. He was in a mood but he was trying to hold himself back because the reason why he was moody was because of some stupid dumb asian manwhore, not the pushy woman in front of him. He’d gone off on her once for it, and Zach was trying to not let himself lose it like that again.

“It’s…” Zach trailed off, shaking his head and trying to pluck the words from the air and hopefully put them in his mouth. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. “I broke things off with Kai. Okay? He was being a dick and I couldn’t take it anymore. And now you can say “I told you so” and go on your…merry fucking way, I don’t know, just leave me alone!” Zach grabbed his head and raked his hands through his hair. More blue smears were left in their wake. Zach was definitely being moody, but his insides felt like they were being twisted and crushed under a mallet. He didn’t want to be here today.

[Jade Parrish]

Jade's mouth was slightly agape given Zach's confession about breaking up with Kai. "What'd he do that was so bad?" she asked. "Don't tell me he got someone pregnant because that would be so typical." She went on and then realized she probably sounded insensitive. She just didn't think they were right for each other and apparently Zach had finally reached his breaking point. She just wondered what it was. "I'm not going to say I told you so," she replied, cringing as he put his hands in his hair, smearing ink into it. "Even though I want to. Guess you do know me fairly well if you think I'd say that." But she wasn't going to say it, because obviously that's not what Zach needed right now.

[Deleted]

Zach stared at her, not surprised that she provided the exact scenario which had gone down. He didn’t put it past he to have already found out about it somehow and was just teasing(cruelly teasing) Zach over it, though he was also very aware that it was something that Jade was very likely to say regardless if she knew or not. Zach grunted as he sighed and nodded shallowly. “Actually…yeah, that’s…that’s exactly what happened.” Though it wasn’t the only reason.

Zach scowled. “You do realize that mentioning that you want to say it is just a roundabout way of saying it anyway, right?” He shook his head. It was fine, he expected it anyway. He rubbed the back of his neck, exasperated. “Sorry…I haven’t been in the best of moods since…since it happened.” Zach let his eyes fall to the ground.

[Jade Parrish]

Jade's eyes widened slightly as he confirmed her joke. Well, it had been half of a joke at least. She hadn't known Kai had knocked someone up, but she wouldn't put it past him. "Seriously? How typical." Shit, she was sounding really insensitive. "Sorry. I'm being a bitch." There was a fine line between being realistic and being bitchy. "And I'm not surprised you're in a bad mood. That guy..." Sure, Jade often had a knack for seeing the true colors of people, but that didn't mean she wanted her assumptions to be true.

[Deleted]

Typical. “No…you’re right,” he said with a nod. And honestly, it wasn’t the fact that he had a kid with someone else. It was the realization that there were probably a lot of other “someone elses” out there that Zach didn’t know about. That Kai might not have even known about. If it happened once, then it could have happened again. It might happen again. And Zach was…selfish. He couldn’t handle being one of many. Zach didn’t want to share.

Zach was in a bad mood earlier. A frustrated mood. Angry. But now, after he’d talked about it a little, he just felt deflated. “You…you were right. I should’ve…I should’ve gotten out earlier.” If he had then maybe… “Then maybe it wouldn’t…” Zach swallowed what felt like a ball of sandpaper. “Sorry…” He was just a fucking mess right now, Jade didn’t need to see him like this.

[Jade Parrish]

"It's just...don't you want someone who is going to be committed?" Jade asked him. Whether it was a boy or girl, she didn't know. She wasn't exactly sure what he preferred or if he had a preference. It probably wasn't the right time to get nosy about that either. "You seem like you would. You saw how he hit on me at the party and he's probably hitting on other people all the time. You said it was casual with Kai, but did you really want it to be?" Zach deserved better. She really wasn't trying to be a bitch, she was just different in how she tried to help people. A lot of people didn't appreciate it so much.

"Don't apologize. Break ups are usually mesy. I guess that's part of the reason I don't date. Or didn't." She thought of Oliver and how she was breaking her own personal rule for him.

[Deleted]

Zach’s heart felt like it was sinking every time Jade pointed out something that he already knew quite well. He didn’t know how to answer her challenging questions. Commitment…he thought that’s where it was going…or did he? How did he think they were going to end up anyway? Zach shook his head. “I don’t know…I mean…he asked me to move in with him. I was going to do it! And then….all this….what does that mean, anyway? You don’t just…ask someone that on a whim, right?” Even if neither of them said that they were “together” in any concrete form, that wasn’t the sort of thing you did if there was nothing there…right?

Maybe Zach was just delusional about this whole…thing. He didn’t even know what to call it. Dating? He knew he was dense in that area, but was he really this bad? Zach shifted in his shoes, feeling like he wanted to lean on something, but cubicle walls weren’t really the most ideal place to do that.

[Jade Parrish]

Wow, Kai had even asked Zach to move in with him. "What does asking someone to move in with you mean?" Was he seriously asking that question? "It usually means that they're committed to you. That's not something people ask on a whim, most people consider it a big step," Jade explained. It made her thing of her parents' strong Catholic beliefs and if she'd still been in Texas and wanted to move in with someone she was dating, they'd have to be married first to get their approval. It made no sense in her eyes.

"When did he ask you to move in? I don't understand how he can take that action and still hit on other people... it doesn't make any sense."

[Deleted]

Right. That’s what Zach thought. Though that’s all it had been, a mere thought. Neither of them said that it meant anything more or less than what it appeared and Zach didn’t bother to ask either. Maybe Zach was afraid to ask?

He sighed again, bringing his free, blue hand to hand off the back of his neck again. The ink was probably dry by now. Not that he noticed when it wasn’t. “After spring break,” he murmured, his voice falling quiet. “We kind of…did a test drive over spring break and then…” That’s probably why he was more upset than usual when he saw Kai and Jade flirting at her party…maybe… This was all such a stupid mess, Zach was...embarrassed for being such an idiot and just wished he could forget about it all now. Wishful thinking.