Rewind [Rue]

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Rue didn’t agree with the comment about Gryph not being smart, but he decided not to argue, for the… Sake of not arguing. “I’m sorry to hear that,” he sympathized. “Maybe there are some other things that you enjoy doing that could keep you occupied instead. You like dancing, right? And… Photography?” Rue hoped he was remembering right. “Maybe you can take this time to further pursue those interests.” He smiled back at the thanks. “Anytime. Just let me know beforehand, so I can cage the cats.”

He frowned once again in sympathy. Rue knew how that felt. “Honestly… That’s what I just went through. And it did seem to last forever. But it didn’t, and I don’t think it would for you either. You’re going to get over this someday. It might not be quickly, or soon, but it will get easier.” It was hard to understand that when you were at the beginning of the pain, though. He smiled a little and nodded in understanding at the response. “Yeah… Okay, I understand,” he replied softly. “Just don’t let it weigh on you.” He didn’t want Gryphon to feel indebted to him.

Rue knew his apartment probably wasn’t nearly as nice as Gryph’s, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that. He was poor, which was unfortunate considering how much he wished he could pamper people when they were down. All he could offer was his presence (and his hands, he supposed, for soothing massages). He glanced at the winged man as he sat on the couch, smiling faintly. “Thank you. I know it’s not fancy, but it’s enough for me and the kids.” And by kids, he meant cats. “Would you like some more pillows and blankets? I have some in my room.” If Gryph said yes, Rue would go and get them while the tea heated up. “No, you just look sad and tired.” Which wasn’t really any better, but still. Once the tea was ready, he poured them into two mugs and walked over, handing on to Gryph as he sat down next to him. His heart ached to see his friend in such distress. “Is there anything else I can do for you, Gryphon?” he asked softly. If there was, he would do it, but he didn’t want to push his boundaries.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon nodded as Rue listed of his hobbies, shrugging at the suggestion, because... well, because it made sense, really. And dance was really good for letting out emotion. Photography... maybe not so much. It could portray an emotion or an event, but as for actually being cathartic... not so much. "I'll try." He said, softly. And he nodded again, acknowledging all that had been said. "Okay."

He felt sorry for Rue. If he had felt like this, and.... he hoped he had had good people to talk to and help him. Gryph had determined, before Rue showed up, that he was just going to have to dwell on his emotions on his own. Was it better having someone else actually there now? Probably. "I hope so." It felt like the sadness wouldn't end, but, as Rue had said, he needed time. "It won't. I promise." Well, hopefully not. He wasn't going to keep a tally chart or something silly like that so he'd probably be okay.

Gryphon determined that Rue should probably come over someday. Maybe whilst he was still feeling awful (though he truly didn't like to burden him), or maybe once he was on the upswing. Then he could meet Fang! Fang needed new friends anyway... "It's lovely here." He agreed softly, nodding at the mention of more pillows and such. He was trying to hold it together, truly, he was, but being taken care of meant he didn't have to think so much for himself, which meant he was stuck with his thoughts and memories. Some memories were sad, but most were happy, and that was what made him feel worse. He sighed at Rue's honest comment. Gryph knew he looked that way. He just didn't like admitting it. When he was given the tea, he held it carefully and just looked into it. Come on, calm down. Please calm down. He sniffed again and put the tea down before hiding under the blanket, not verbally answering Rue's question, and... basically holding in a panic attack. "I miss him." He whimpered out shakily, "He told me he w-wouldn't do this to me again a-and... he did...." Gryphon hiccuped and covered his mouth. "I d-don't get it..." He was on the brink of breaking down, and he was really trying to keep himself from doing so.

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It was hard to compare what the two of them were going through, since the causes of their grief were completely different, but Rue felt like he could sympathize all the same. Even if not with this case, then when he’d broken away from Phoenix. He’d felt ill for months. “It will. I promise,” he assured him. He hoped he was right.

He’d love to go over to Gryph’s place sometime. Rue wondered what a rich(er) person lived like, because he’d never really known anyone wealthy until he met the younger man. “You really think so?” he chuckled quietly. “I’m sure there’s cat hair covering the furniture. You’re not actually allergic, are you? Just don’t like them?” Rue hoped that was the case. He also didn’t intentionally want to make Gryph dwell in his own thoughts, but at the same time, he did think it would be good for Gryph to get out some emotions he’d obviously been holding in. He stayed silent and watched as the winged man put down his tea and hid, holding in a worried sigh as he set his own mug down and shifted closer. When Gryphon finally began whimpering out, Rue’s heart ached and he wrapped his arm around the lump that was Gryph under the blanket. “I’m sure you do,” he said softly. Rue tried to think of the right thing to say. “Maybe… Maybe he was doing it for you. I mean… I… I don’t want to sound terrible, but there were some things I’d heard about him that made me worried… About you two.” He paused, then went on. “Honestly, I think… Maybe both of you could benefit from learning more about yourselves without each other. Relationships can be great… but they can also really limit your own personal growth.” Rue knew that from experience. He squeezed his arm a little and pulled Gryph against his broad chest. “It’s okay, you can cry,” he murmured gently. “I’m not going anywhere.”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon blinked, looking around. He yawned, but he didn't feel like he was having an allergic reaction. "I wouldn't know." He said quietly, "I hide from them more than I smell them." Another weak joke. Oh well... at least he wasn't actually allergic, although his nose felt itchy now... probably just from thinking about it. And when he began spewing off his feelings, he felt awful. Not just because of what he was saying, but because Rue had to feel it. He felt bad that he had to put up with him. He felt Rue's arm, but didn't make any attempt to come out from his hiding place. And all the logical reasoning, as logical and smart as it was, didn't help Gryph all that much. He was a man of emotions, and he didn't care about facts or ideas when he was sad, he cared about the fact that he was sad. The only thing that helped right now was the reassurance that he could cry. With that, he curled tighter into Rue's chest, and the waterworks slowly began. "W-Why did I fall in love with... w-with such an asshole...?" He sobbed.

"H-He was so m-mean to people, and.... a-and I told him not to be, b-but I just gave him excuses for... everything!" He sniffed unattractively, definitely dampening Rue's shirt with his tears, "I...I..." He didn't know what else to say, so he just cried, and hated himself for doing so.

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Rue had known Gryph didn’t like cats, but he didn’t realize until now that he was… Scared of them? “Oh… Is it because of your ability?” he asked curiously. It wasn’t all that important now, but he found it interesting that someone as… Well, normal-seeming as Gryph could be frightened of the silly balls of fluff. Not that he was judging him, it made sense when he thought about it. He didn’t know how much he was helping with his attempts at logic, but based on the mostly silence that followed, he wondered if he should have kept quiet about his opinions. He knew he could get a little too wordy sometimes with his advice. But finally, he felt Gryphon pull himself more tightly against him, and Rue held him close, rubbing his back and between his wings as he felt the trembling of tears. “We can’t control who we fall in love with…” he murmured gently. “I think you saw someone you wanted to fix.” And Kodi obviously just wasn’t ready to be ‘fixed’ yet. He needed to do that himself.

Rue sighed softly and wrapped his other arm around Gryphon, still rubbing comforting circles. “Well, that’s what we do when we love someone like that,” he said slowly. “It’s hard to really see their flaws when they’re so close to our heart. And even if we do, we love them too much to really confront them about it because the possibility of rejection is too frightening.” Rue let Gryph stay there as long as he needed to cry, not minding the dampness of his shirt. “Shhh, it’s okay… I know….” he murmured. “Just let it out. As much as you need to.”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon wasn't really set on having any kind of normal conversation, but if it distracted him from his dumb emotions for two seconds, at least... "That's what I've always thought. Bird instinct, something dumb like that. It's awful, cats look cute, but I swear they all want to main or kill me." Pleasant, but honest, really. That was what his instincts told him anyway. And maybe Rue's opinions would have been useful, when Gryph wasn't so overwhelmed. What he did appreciate right now was this comfort he was being given. He relaxed slightly, hiccuping as he went to reply, "I do that too much," He said, shakily, "E-end up with horrible people because I don't think they can truly be that bad, b-but... f-fool me twice..." Gryphon couldn't remember how much Rue knew of the whole situation involving Nick, or if he knew about it at all... he might have to tell him at some point...

He just nodded as Rue spoke again, hiding in his chest. It was weird, but comforting still. The weirdness probably came from the fact that Kodi and Rue's body structures were fairly different. This thought alone sent another wave of sadness through his system, and Gryph clung to Rue's top, and he stayed like this for quite a while, wishing it could end sooner, so he didn't seem so pathetic. When he did finally find himself calming down, he sniffed again, before slowly wiggling out of the embrace to find some tissues. Sob sessions would never be pretty. He began wiping his own face, before looking at Rue's shirt and grimacing slightly, before beginning to mop there as well. All the while, he was still sniffing and rather sad, but all that crying had definitely helped. "Sorry..." He mumbled, scooping up his tea and sipping it, even though it obviously wasn't as hot as before. He didn't mind.

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Yeah, it really wasn’t important, but it was harmless, right? Anything to help keep Gryph’s mind occupied. “I’ll be honest, Sinbad has a habit of pouncing after people’s ankles, but Andromeda has never hurt anyone. She’s a lady.” Rue didn’t expect this to make the younger man less nervous about them, but at least it was out there. But they could deal with that later. Right now, comforting him over this issue was more important. “I remember you telling me about someone else that hurt you…” Rue said softly. They had met not too soon after that breakup, if he remembered right, which was one of the reasons why they didn’t date for as long as they might have otherwise. “You deserve someone kind. Not just kind to you, but kind in general. I know it’s tempting to feel like you can fix people, but… It only ends up causing you harm in the end. And I’m sorry you had to experience that more than once…” Rue didn’t blame Gryph for that. Like he said before, you couldn’t control who you fell in love with. He just hoped it would be a nicer, gentler person next time that would be good for the winged man.

Rue didn’t say a lot after that, he just let Gryphon cry into his shirt, occasionally murmuring consoling words and continuously rubbing his back. Even though it did last some time, he didn’t move, or even think of complaining. This was what he did best, really, even if he hated seeing people in distress. When Gryph did begin to pull away, Rue snagged a box of tissues that he’d brought out earlier and handed them over. “Don’t worry about that,” he assured the younger man when he dabbed at his shirt. “It’s not a big deal.” It would be easy to just change into something else in a bit. “And you don’t need to apologize either, sweetie. I’m glad you got it out.” Rue followed suit and sipped at his own tea as well. “… How are you doing? Do you need anything else?” His hand found Gryph’s knee and squeezed it gently.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon made a face. The last thing he wanted was for a cat to cling to his ankles. A manic bunny, he could manage, but a cat? Nuh-uh. "A lady cat, sounds posh..." He joked weakly. Didn't mean he was about to fall in love with felines, though. He sighed as Rue confirmed the extent he knew about Nick, which was... not much. Gryph would have watched him if he could raise his head, but as Rue spoke, the winged man wondered how things would have been if he and Rue had... tried something a little later than they did. What if it had worked out? What if Gryphon had never been so involved with Kodi? Would he have ever been under such emotional duress? Who knew. "I j-just want to help people..." But he didn't fight what Rue was saying. Despite how horrid he felt, Gryph was certain by this point that he deserved better. And he would get there. Eventually. Right now, he wasn't concerned about finding a new lover. He still had to recover yet.

He was thankful for the lack of pressure to try and have a conversation right now, and that kind of helped Gryphon relax more and more. By the end of the whole mess, he was tired again, and he wasn't exactly at peace with his situation, but he was more content, to a degree. He basically cuddled the tissue box as he used the tissues, shaking his head a little as Rue told him not to worry. He kept dabbing, "I'll worry about what I want to worry about." He said softly, before eventually stopping and putting all the tissues down. He looked at Rue, and then at the floor, giving a weak smile, with sad eyes, "I suppose I am too... I still feel awful though." He quickly grabbed another tissue and blew his nose, complaining with an 'ew' as he balled it up and put it with the rest of the rubbish.

The tea was good. Again, calming. It seemed anything associated to Rue was calming. Gryphon still felt self conscious about the whole ordeal, though, "I...I don't know." He glanced about, then at Rue, then at the floor, "I guess I feel a little better... but I still feel horrible." He sighed as his stomach grumbled rather loudly. Gryph whined in response, putting a hand over his abdomen, "Shut up, you," He complained, grunting before sipping more tea. "...I'm sorry for making your day worse." He apologised, despite being told it wasn't necessary. Gryphon thought it was.

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Rue chuckled a little at Gryph’s response to his cats. “She definitely thinks she’s the queen of the house,” he said with a wry smile. And he didn’t tell her any differently. Heh… But anyway, she would have to stay locked away as long as Gryphon was here and in distress. Rue himself had occasionally wondered how their relationship might have been different had they met at different times, but it was pointless to worry over the past, so he was more concerned about what the future held for them both, especially the younger one. At least Gryphon hadn’t had to see him during one of his darkest times; Rue was thankful for that. “I know you do, sweetie. And you’re a wonderful person for doing that. But it’s impossible to help someone that doesn’t help themselves.” It was too much weight for another person to carry. And Rue sensed that Kodi had a lot of that sort of baggage.

He figured Gryphon would probably want to sleep pretty soon. The winged man had been exhausted when he’d gotten there, and crying like that really took a toll on someone. Rue half-wondered if Gryph would spend the night. He wouldn’t mind, and would offer when the time was appropriate. “Well… Alright,” he murmured, deciding not to argue about what to worry about, because that would just be pointless disagreement. “I wouldn’t expect you to feel great already,” he said gently. “That’s going to take time.” Rue didn’t flinch at the nose-blowing; he’d done plenty of that himself recently, he knew how unfortunately messy that crying could be.

He was hoping his gentle, quiet presence was helping to calm the younger man. That was all Rue could really hope to do. “Yeah,” he said softly. “I understand.” Rue glanced down at the rumbly noise, smiling very slightly. “Maybe eating would help too,” he suggested. “I don’t know about you, but I always feel worse with an empty stomach. Would you like something to eat? I don’t have a lot, but I’m pretty sure I have some scones in the kitchen.” He almost always did. Rue shook his head in response to the apology. “You didn’t, I promise. I’m just sorry you’re dealing with this.” He gently squeezed Gryph’s knee. “Would you like to spend the night? I would worry about you at home by yourself.”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon... wasn't as sensible as Rue. He couldn't stop himself wondering about the past. It wasn't exactly destructive, but he did sometimes spend a whole day just contemplating the weirdness of the world and why things happened. He prefered to do that over thinking about the future anyway - now that was something scary. He ended up just nodding along, agreeing with what Rue had said. He didn't like that he couldn't help more, but... but that wasn't why he and Kodi broke up in the first place. Gryph wished it was. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so humiliated; maybe he would be able to talk to Rue about his gender confusion too...

Yeah, the avian man was very tired... his wings just wanted to wrap around himself in a little cocoon so he could drift asleep, but not quite yet. He frowned, sighing as Rue reassured him, "Yeah, I just... wish it was that quick, I hate my emotions..." If Gryphon gave himself a chance, he wouldn't mind his emotions so much but in a childish sense, he wanted to be happy nowwww. "I hate time." He hated everything, apparently. Well, except pillows. And tea. And Rue. Everything else was dumb. Hmph.

Rue was helping without words. It was so odd. He relaxed back even more, slumping unlike himself. His dancer's mind was basically screaming for him to straighten up, but grrr... no... he shrugged at the offer, "Sounds okay, if... if you don't mind..." He yawned, again, "...I might fall asleep eating them, though..." He smiled as Rue comforted him, and considered the offer, almost saying yes, before realising something and whining softly, slumping again as he spoke, "I-I can't. I have Fang, my bunny, he'll go mad with no one else in the apartment, and he'll probably eat all my sofas..." He was only partly joking. With that, despite his fatigue, Gryph began to get up slowly. Poor Fang, he was probably so lonely... or he was asleep... either way, he needed to get home.

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Rue didn’t know a particular lot about gender fluidity, but he would be more receptive and understanding about it than Kodi would be. If he didn’t understand something, he would ask questions until he did. He never would have expected Gryph to be someone who expressed their identity that way, but he would fully support him nevertheless.

He had to resist the urge to wrap Gryph up in his arms and hold him like that until he drifted off. Rue couldn’t help imagining it – the younger man, though about his height, was much more slender than he was, and he looked so tired that it didn’t seem fair to keep him awake. “I know. But then, life wouldn’t have sweet moments if we didn’t have to struggle through the bad ones too,” he murmured. If everything was easy, nothing would truly be enjoyable. He couldn’t help it – Rue wrapped his arm around Gryph’s shoulder and pulled him into a side-hug. “It’s going to be alright. I promise,” he said quietly. It would be.

He finally pulled away to stand as Gryph accepted the offer of scones. “Of course I don’t mind,” he said lightly. “I eat too many of them anyway.” It showed in his generous size. Rue chuckled a little as he went to the kitchen and grabbed the box to bring back. “I’ll save it for you if you fall asleep before you finish it,” he promised. Rue was about to hand one over when Gryph spoke again, and he frowned, unhappy with the realization. “Well… What about… Would you like me to come to your place?” he asked slowly. “I don’t mean to invite myself over, but… Well, I will if you would like me to, but I don’t have to.” Rue just really didn’t want him to be alone tonight. He looked at Gryph with hopeful eyes, still holding the open box of scones in hand. He’d bring them along if the younger man said yes.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon was slowly convincing himself that this genderfluidity was just a dumb phase. Maybe that was the truth, or maybe he was suppressing it all back down from embarrassment. He couldn't tell, and wouldn't be telling anyone else any time soon.

Gryph felt a little odd about getting affection at the moment, but that oddness was really overridden by his neediness. But ugghhhh, why did Rue have to be so logical and correct? Gryph wasn't used to it, as useful as it all was. "I guessss..." He muttered, softly. He slowly regarded Rue as he spoke again and was hugged again, eventually choosing to rest on him for a second time, "I hope you're right..." He had had enough emotional torment to last him ten lifetimes.

The winged man smiled a little as Rue got up to get the noms, nodding somewhat awkwardly. He nodded gently as the older one spoke more, and then sighed, looking at the scones but not doing anything about them yet. He blinked at the idea, processing it as he took one of the scones. "...I don't wanna be alone..." He said, meekly, nibbling on his scone and looking at Rue with heavy eyes, "If... if you don't mind... I would really appreciate you..." Another yawn broke up his sentence, before Jr sighed again, "Just come with me, I'm a sad loner." He finally concluded, nibbling more and shuffling towards the door. "How.... how are we getting there, t-then?" However it would be, Gryphon knew he would probably fall asleep again during the journey.

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Rue hoped he wasn’t over-stepping his boundaries with the physical comfort. He was a pretty touchy guy by nature, even with people he wasn’t romantically interested in, so most of his friends were used to it. That didn’t mean he would never (again) be romantically interested in Gryphon, but right now was definitely not the time to be thinking of such things. He chuckled quietly at the younger man’s mumbles, then went quiet in thought. “… You know, if you ever do feel like you need to talk to a professional, I know some really great therapists that would be happy to talk with you,” he suggested gently. “There’s only so much I can do by myself.” He was still working on his degree, after all, and wasn’t a licensed professional by any means.

Rue didn’t take any scones for himself; he wasn’t particularly hungry, and he wanted to make sure there were enough if Gryph wanted more than one. However, he found himself waiting hopefully for the winged man’s answer, unsure why he wanted to go over as much as he did. “I know,” he said softly. When the answer came, Rue smiled a little more widely, reaching out to gently clasp his hand over Gryphon’s shoulder. “I don’t mind at all,” he promised. Rue didn’t mind sleeping on couches. He closed the box of scones as he went to grab a couple things and put on his shoes, tossing clothes and other items into a duffle bag along with the pastries. “I can drive,” he offered easily. “You’ll just have to give me directions.” He let Gryphon step outside before letting his cats out of the room and leaving the apartment himself. “Alright, where am I heading?” he asked as he headed down the stairs towards his car.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon slowly regarded Rue at the offer, before dipping his head and shaking it, "It's just a break up," He said, softly, brushing it off, "I don't need therapy." He didn't believe so, even if that wasn't necessarily true. There were a lot of things that Gryph probably needed to talk through and resolve with a professional - he was nowhere near being perfectly healthy - but he was too blind and distracted to notice his own issues. "Thank you anyway, though..." He would keep that in mind, just in case.

He blinked at the hand on his shoulder and smiled weakly, glad that he wouldn't be making his own way home. By this point, Gryphon didn't trust his body to continue to work correctly. He watched Rue pack up his things, meekly playing with his own fingers as he did, "Okay, uh..." He yawned for what felt like the millionth time, "...goody." He shuffled his way outside and started heading to the right car, following Rue, "Uh... it's on the edge of PR..." Which was useful. "I'll get us there." He said, as they got in. During the whole journey, he tried to get them there in good time, but he might have gotten them going in the wrong direction at first. When they finally got back, he was about as useful as a sack of potatoes. He slumped out of the vehicle and entered the building, looking back to make sure Rue was still there (which he most likely was, Gryphon was just too tired to keep his train of thought). He eyed the stairs for a moment before mumbling, "We're talking the lift, I'll collapse on those." He pressed the button and rested against Rue as they waited, too tired to notice or care too much about what he was doing.

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Rue frowned at Gryph’s dismissal of his suggestion. “Gryphon. It’s not just that,” he said gently. “I… know I don’t know a lot about your history, but I can tell that you have had a hard time with things. Like your dad.” Rue couldn’t help but wonder if that was part of the reason why the younger man had a habit of going towards troubled boys – that maybe he would feel like he was successful despite what his dad thought, if he could help enough other people become better through him. “Just… Think about it, okay? There’s no shame in reaching out for help, that’s what they’re there for. Mine has helped me immensely.” Not that he was perfect now, but he was certainly better than he used to be.

“That’s right, you live a ways out, in the fancy part of town,” he said with a small smile as they headed out. Rue knew he lived in the dumpy part of Pilot Ridge, but it was what he could afford, so he wouldn’t complain. He was patient on the drive there, not too worried about getting there in a rush. They would get there eventually, and Gryph was going to go straight to bed if he had any say in it. He parked and got out once they arrived, and followed the younger man to the elevator, nodding understandingly. “Yeah, and I’d rather not carry you up. I know you’re light, but I’m a klutz, so I’d definitely trip and take you down with me,” he chuckled. He stepped inside the elevator and let Gryph choose the right floor. Once they reached it, he would make sure Gryphon was walking alright before following behind him to whichever door he lived behind. “I’m not going to get mauled by your bunny, am I?” he asked naively. As though it was more dangerous than a cat.