RE: updates (jonah king)

[Mia Keystone]

King, dude, I've told you before if you don't update your computer security anyone can jump in on that. Like me. Seriously, let me fix that shit up.

Anyway, Merry Christmas, etc etc. Did you get any good swag? My present to you was some new firewalls and virus protections because dude, your comp was asking for it. How are we friends again? >_< That's right. Because I'm awesome. And you might be too. A little. Maybe. I turned the bass right up, and updated the speakers. You won't need to hear to be able to feel the music, dude.


Seriously though, it's really cold up here and little kids keep mistaking me for an elf. How am I not taller than a 12 year old? Does god hate me this much? How do you do it? Is the air thinner up there? Do you get hit by stray birds? Jonah, do you have to watch out for low flying aircrafts?

I actually missed Vermount over the break, how weird is that? Ollie's got me a whole lot of new toys to play with though. Night vision googles. It's sweet, I'm gonna try and set the lenses in a pair of sunglasses. Night vision sunglasses. With heat sensors.

I know. I know. I am a genius.

M.I.A

[Jonah King]

Didn’t your mother ever tell you it’s bad manners to look at a guy’s computer? I could have anything on here! Things you don’t want to see! Though I guess if you spend all your time on the Internet, you’ve seen worse things than I can even dream of. Remember, I am an innocent young boy. You’re corrupting my mind, Keystone.

Merry Xmas to you too, and thanks for the firewalls! I'm sure that my laptop is now safe from everyone...except, of course, you. Please find in the post a book called: ‘Conspiracy Theories: a Comprehensive Guide.’ I saw it and thought of you. You can thank me later.

Wait a minute. What did you just call me? Let me just pause for a minute, while I go back and read that again.

Oh yeah: Awesome.

Is this the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me? I think it could be.

This moment should go down in history.

Can’t say low flying aircrafts are ever a problem, although a bird did actually fly into my head once. True story. I was walking through a field, and a sparrow whacked me in the back of the head. It lay on the ground looking stunned for a couple minutes, but then it flew off OK. Maybe I look like a tree. Do I look like a tree?

I won’t ask what you need night vision sunglasses for. Whatever it is, it can’t be good. I’ll be your alibi though:

‘Why no, officer, she was with me the whole time. Besides, it was dark. Nobody can see in the dark.’

Convinced?

J

[Mia Keystone]

J,

Firstly, that's nothing. Remember, I've access the personal computers to three Japanese Businessmen during that... thing you promised never to bring up. Yeah. There is nothing that can scare me.

Secondly, I only made you look at 4chan that ONE time, how as I to know someone was requesting pics of.... that. And I apologised for the permanent scaring then.

The book's arrived, and I actually have started reading it, rather then just loading the e-book. See, that is respect. Or loyalty. Or something. Now, are you saying I'm crazy, or paranoid? Because that is rude and untrue. I just like being well informed.

Jonah, be careful. I can and will delete all evidence of said comment if you start spreading it around that I don't hate everyone. >_> Don't you go messing with my rep, dude. People might start asking me for stuff. Then they'll be surprised when I take that opportunity to access and mess with everything they have on a microchip.

Your tree-ness is not in question. It's never been. The birds are just slow learners. It's the tiny brains.

Updates! following info is strictly confidential. I'm relying on your discretion here....
and yeah, it will look like random letters. Remember that encryptor I loaded on for you? Check the icon on the desktop called Urban. Then copy and paste this stuff below into it.

There's another hacker at Hammel. His computer is called Comrade. COMRADE! Kaylee would totally give him shit for that if there was a chatroom for computers. Dude, he can read binary. Someone else who can read my tattoo without me having to spell it out to them.

He's not as into programming, but he can update and, you know, actually invent stuff. Because Operation Owl is going well, but so far I can't get the battery down any smaller than a quarter and the only way to hide that would to be get a pair of those sunglasses with those stupid logos on the side and they always have those fake diamonds on them. Last time I checked I was not a two bit hooker so I will NOT get those.

/end encryption

Your alibi indicates that you think I'll be caught. I am never caught. You know that. Operation Potted Plant does not count because that receptionist has enhanced vision. My disguise was flawless.

ARE YOU BACK YET? If you are not, I will stay in my room and continue to show everyone on the inter webs why it is not a good idea to assume a girl will make a poor sniper in Black Ops. It is a sad thing when most of the kids here with super powers are complete idiots.

M.I.A

[Jonah King]

One time was enough, Keystone. I have a visual memory. I may never recover from this. If I end up in a mental hospital because I can’t block out the awful images, I will have only you (and three Japanese businessmen) to blame. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

Nobody could ever be surprised to find out that you’ve hacked their computer, Mia. The only time you would genuinely surprise anyone is if they found out that you had stayed out of their personal files. Not that I don’t love you, or anything.

I am the soul of discretion, you know that. Who never let slip the giant mistake you made during Operation Bedside Lamp? Me, that’s who. I will never tell anyone how badly wrong that went.

And Operation Kettle. That was a bad one.

And Operation Dressing Gown. (I never found out why you EVER thought that would work)

Anyway, what was my point? Oh yeah. I will tell nobody. You know me: the strong, silent type.

Comrade? Really? Isn’t that was communists call each other? Maybe this hacker guy is Russian. Or Vietnamese? Look into it. Maybe you two should form a League of Hackers, or something, and work together. It’ll be like The Matrix, only without the killer robots. Have you met this guy? Other than being a communist, he sounds like your perfect man.

Don’t make that face at the screen. You’ll offend Kaylee.

Why don’t you try putting the whole Op. Owl gadget into one of those hair bands? Should be big enough to hold everything.

Sometimes I wonder if we watch too many James Bond movies.

I’m heading back tomorrow, never fear. Been slightly delayed by the latest in the family: my sister brought this guy over today and announced that she’s pregnant, he’s the father, and she’s going to move in with him. As my sister is 20, you can probably understand why my mother is so upset by this. Can you do some snooping on him? Robert Dahl. So far I’m the only member of the family other than my sister who will actually speak to him, and he seems like a nice guy. But if he’s an axe murderer, I’d like to know.

And Operation Potted Plant really does count. You can only learn from your mistakes, Keystone. Remember that.

See you tomorrow. Try not to lose your temper over Black Ops again. That kid still hasn’t recovered from the time you made his laptop speak to him and tell him he was a ‘sexist bastard’. I see him in the library, and every time he goes past a computer he flinches. I don't think he'll ever recover.

J

[Mia Keystone]

King, that one would have worked if I’d been able to get it in blue rather than pink. Now let us never speak of it again.

Yeah, see that’s what I thought. He was born in Vermont though. I’ve got searches running on his parents and his surname, I’ll soon find out where his parents or grandparents or whatever came from.

And yeah, we met. I was tracking down that I told you about who’d cheated with his holy shields in WoW? I was running a few traces and yeah, Hammel student. So I did what anyone would have done and went full camouflage to get visual documentation, and to get close enough proximity to try and get a look in his computer.

Then we made passionate love as Comrade looked on.

And I just entered and won a beauty pageant. By tap dancing to Chicago. Because thats how this world works.

>_>
<_<

Hey, maybe I could write a program that will actually create some inflections to help translate sarcasm properly over the inter webs. In the meantime, I will rely on my emoticons to express myself. >_>

How’s your love life going, dude? Finally found a girl who you don’t spazz on as soon as she touches you? When YOU start dating, I will consider talking to a guy without insinuating he is gay and or wants to date someone who reminds him of his mother.

Headbands could work, I guess. I’d have to change my disguise from fem fatale to upper east sider but I still have that stupid dress I was going to use for Operation Bo Peep.

Ok, Dahl, Robert. I’ve got his birth certificate up now. He was born in Texas. That’s bad enough. Can you tell me what he says he does for a living? If you don’t know, it’s fine it will just take a few days longer. His parents are divorced but no serious criminal history. His father was done for minor marijuana possession but that was in the 70s. There were a lot of those.

Why am I not surprised your parents are being so reasonable about all this?!

You’re going to be an uncle, that’s pretty cool I guess. I mean, if it didn’t include babies and all that. Your parents need to chill out.

Hey, I went easy on him. If you hadn’t stopped me I was going to tap his phone and call his mother. See what SHE thinks about him calling anyone a mother munching c*&$t. Yeah, that would have been cool.

Come say hi! Bring Reese cups. I’d agree to come see you but you know that if I get caught up on a project I loose track of time. Happy New Year, dude. I’d tell you not to get too drunk, but that is about as likely me asking LaRousse out for Valentines day.

M.I.A

[Jonah King]

I will never understand what you see in WoW. You should get out into the fresh air more. Come running with me, sometime. I heard that WoW is really bad for you, anyway – wasn’t there some kid in Asia who went crazy when the server failed and jumped out of the window? You need to keep yourself sane. No starving to death because you don’t want to leave the computer, OK? You need to look after yourself more.

Say NO to addictive games, Mia.

If you stick to that dating rule, Keystone, you’re going to be single for the rest of your life. So far there is one (1) person who doesn’t cause spazzing, and that would be because she is also a telepath. And before you ask: definitely not my type. So I’ll carry on living the celibate life, and you can carry on doing…whatever it is you do.

If all else fails, we’ll grow old together. It’ll be fine.

I heard about the virus you put on Zac’s laptop, by the way. Nice going! You do realise that one day, you two will either kill each other or sleep together? I don’t know which, yet, but I’ll let you know when I’ve figured it out.

Operation Bo Peep would never work. I’m telling you! And aside from anything else, you look like a tacky wedding cake in that dress, and that isn’t a good look for anyone. We’ll find you a gay best friend, and he can take you out shopping.

Texas? Interesting. I thought he spoke slow, but I figured it was just because he thought he needed to for me to lip-read. I think he said something about being a painter/decorator (you should have seen my mother’s face). Any metas in the family?

Yeah, I quite like the idea of being an uncle. Babies are cute. They also don’t think much, which is pretty soothing. They’re mostly either looking at new things, angry, hungry, or sleepy. It makes a nice change from adults. I think Rachel’s hoping that her baby will be cute enough to win my parents around…

And where do you think he would have learned that language? I bet his mother’s just as bad as he is. You’d have ended up with some kind of hit squad on you. Maybe you should think about hiring a bodyguard, or something?

How’s Operation Filing Cabinet going, anyway? And your Secret Profile Project?

As it happens, I received a large amount of Reese cups for Christmas! I’ll be getting in about 4pm, so I’ll drop in then.

See you in a bit!

J

[Mia Keystone]

J,

Hopefully you'll be getting this when you're back at Hammel so I'll keep it to the point.

You can not get addicted to a game when there is no challenge. And there is no challenge unless I play against other tech metas. And we are a very secretive group yada yada yada. The tech meta guild is crap. But everything else is boring. So I play it, as we geeks say, to "troll and pwn n00bs".

I'll have the dossier on your future brother in-law done by the time you get here. Tomorrow, right? It had better be.

Also, it's only a secret if no one mentions it, dude! But yeah, it's good.

On that note though:
Stay away from the Japanese security woman, and try not to spend too much time around Gage, yeah?

Don't ask.

See yourself in, you know the passcode.


M.I.A

p.s. if that EVER happens, I want you to get a gun and shoot me. And LaRousse. Only shoot him in the crouch first. I’ll even put it my will so you won’t get in too much trouble. But seriously. You'd put me out of my misery, right?

(OOC: now REAL THREAD! or maybe texts?)