There's Beauty in the Breakdown [Idiot Brigade]

[Horus Richmond]

Horus had hurried down the corridors faster than anyone had ever seen the lazy blonde move before. He could feel everyone's eyes on him, judging him as he stuffed his hands in his hoodie pocket and drew his head down to his chest, shivering nervously. Everyone was talking about him, in loud whispers that blistered his eardrums and made him feel sick. Even down the quieter corridors the buzz of gossip made him shrink into himself with eyes wide and scared.

It was all in his head. But it was all so real.

Troll. Look at him he's so fat. Someone could do with a diet. Plastic surgery. Obese. Disgusting, feel sorry for his friends. How do people get that ugly? If I ever get like that you can kill me. Fatty. Bet he sleeps a lot because he's so fat. Gross. Hideous.

Horus barely made it into his dorm before he let out a scream of hatred, throwing himself onto his bed and writhing in agony from the words that lashed his self esteem and left it broken and shattered in pieces on the floor. He didn't care who heard as he thrashed around, leaving his pillows scattered around the room, his sheets tangled around his legs. Breathing heavily, the blonde suddenly stilled, bile brimming up in his throat, leaving him running to the bathroom.

The vomitting had been going on for a week and a half now. Every meal would be crammed down his throat greedily, then later would return and lie half digested in the bottom of the toilet. The lining of his throat had begun to sting every time he'd done it recently, but as he stared at the white porcelain, he realised he didn't care. The pain just was a way of showing him he was doing it right. Lying on his side by the bowl, the bitter taste of sick in his mouth, Horus felt himself rage again, and he looked angrily at his stomach.

It was still fat, it was still hideous.

"FUCK." He shouted, reaching for the medicine cabinet and hunting for anything sharp. Anything to cut the fat away. Leaving pill pots scattered all on the floor, the blonde reached for a set of nail scissors. Then, wordlessly, he began to score the skin, eyes blank, no life, no sparkle left in them.

Jesse had broken him.

[Samuel Rixon]

When it came to most things, Sammy was oblivious. The day Ember had been attacked, well, he’d known something was up. He knew his friends inside and out. In particular, Ember and Horus. Horus was easily his best friend, and Ember was… well… not his girlfriend. Not his best friend. Somewhere in the middle. And Vincent was… Vincent. Simple, not difficult to understand. He liked fire and he liked chaos. And Sam was more often his enemy than his friend. Yeah. Of all the members of the Idiot Brigade, Horus was his favorite. Followed very closely by Ember.

Since Jesse had left, there had been a difference in the dynamics of Horus’s dorm. It wasn’t scary to go there anymore. No fear of the little rat bastard coming in and swearing at them, or threatening their memories. Really, Sam would have thought Horus would have been happier. He’d already gloated over breaking the bastard’s nose. It had been news Sammy had been thrilled about. The only way it could have been better was if he’d witnessed it. He’d heard the little blond’s jibes at Horus, over his boyfriend, his weight, everything. They’d all been harassed by him at one point or another. It was just something they’d learned to tune out.

So, Friday night. Sam had adventured with Ember and Vincent into town, and had procured pizza and a case of beer. (Thank you Vincent.) Tonight they were going to party. In the safest room around. As long as the prince didn’t show up, they’d be fine. And even if he did, it was four against one. They’d get run of the common room, easy. Vincent was carrying the booze, Ember had the pizza (something about not trusting Sam with it), and Sam had a DVD. Alice In Wonderland, because it was supposed to be some kind of awesome. Tim Burton meets some crappy Disney cartoon? Yeah. Bring it.

He quite happily pushed open the door to Horus’s dorm, calling out to his friend. “Hey! Floppy! We got pizza and beer and a movie and we’re gonna get drunk!” He tossed the movie onto the couch and glanced around. From here he could see into Horus’s room. But he wasn’t there. He frowned. “Hey. Horus? Where the fuck are you, dude?” He glanced back at his friends. “Guuuuys. I can’t fiiiind him.” Yes, Sammy dear. We can see that. He pouted. He’d been looking forward to this. But it would be no fun without Horus. Being the curious thing he was, he poked his head into his friend’s room. No Horus. Then he realized that the bathroom door was closed. He knocked, curious. “Hey. Horus? We brought food. Y’ in here?” When he went to jiggle the handle, he hadn't expected it to just... turn. But it did. It did, and when the door swung open, Sam's eyed widened. Oh shit.

"EMBER. MANSON. GET OVER HERE." Sam knelt by Horus and gently tried to take hold of the nail scissors. "Horus! Horus, look at me. Knock it off."

[November Adams]

Jesse was gone. She was surrounded by two of her closest friends, the smell of pizza drifting from the square box the tallest of the three carried. She'd finished all her homework, and had BSed her way to an A on an English paper. But for some reason, the smile on her face still felt forced. She still felt an overwhelming sense of wrongness around where they stepped. Ember pursed her lips momentarily before smiling again, trying to shake the feeling and have a nice, entertaining evening with her friends. They had food, alcohol, and evidently one of the best films of the year in their hands. All they needed to complete the seemingly perfect evening was one narcoleptic blonde, which they were currently making their way to steal.

They didn't even bother trying to hide the fact that Ember was in the boy's dorms - no one one really seemed to care anymore, so they just walked her through the hallways with no problem, opposed to the first couple times they tried this trick. Those times included bizarre disguises, and horrible acting. Boys that inhabited the dorm were blasting music in their rooms and shouting at video games. The occasional unfortunate nerd that couldn't find any peace with a disruptive roommate to finish his homework. And of course there was the undeniable smell that could only be described as boy that waffed around the entire dorm. Kicking the door to Horus's (and what was once Jesse's) room, they trailed in, shoving a few articles of clothing, and books, and other unidentifiable things out of the way with their feet as they piled into the dormroom and shoved the door closed. When Sammy's shouting wasn't accompanied by a reply, the brunette could feel a slight gripping in her stomach, and the lip-pursing returned. "Maybe he's asleep again." She offered, glancing in his room and seeing only tangled sheets on his bed. Blinking, she wondered offhandedly why the pillows were in disarray across the room.

She heard Sammy talking through the bathroom door before the slight jiggling and the click of the doorknob being opened. Her eyes still scanned the room. Why did it all feel so... off? Her ears identified the sound of a doorknob clicking as it twisted open, the slightly 'woosh' of the door being pulled open, and the obvious, harsh intake of breath that came from her pyrokenetic friend. The brunette teenager turned swiftly, her eyes catching Sammy's form as he sprinted into the small white bathroom. Something was wrong. Very wrong. Sammy's sudden shout prompted the time turner to fumbled over the misalliance clothing in front of her feet and stumbled toward the bathroom.

Slamming heavily into the doorframe, she held herself against it, staring with bulging eyes at the horrifying scene in front of her. Sammy knelt next to the twitching form of her other close friend, his bright red blood dripping from his stomach and staining the tiles of the floor. "F-fuck," She hissed, pushing herself forward and landing heavily on her knees next to the blonde tangled body. Ember twisted herself out of the oversized gray jacket, and looked up toward Sammy. Ember swallowed heavily, her face beginning to rise in heat as the uncontrollable response of tears pricking at the corners of her eyes caused the brunette to swipe at her face with the heels of her hand and look back down at the mangled blonde. "Vincent," She said, her voice commanding, but shaking with fear and sickness. "Find me a medical kit, please." Her eyes flashing with desperation at the goth before going back to the boy on the floor.

"Love, can you hear me?" She asked, her shaky hands going forward to cup his cheeks, brushing the tears away with her thumbs. "We're here love, we're here to help you." She swallowed thickly, looking back to Sammy trying to get the scissors out of the boy's hand. A sharp inhale, and exhale, Ember reminded herself that panicking in this situation would only hurt it. "Horus, I'm going to have to stop the bleeding, okay? This is going to hurt, but please just bare with me." Her voice was shaking, her hands worse as she picked up her gray coat and pressed the fabric against the wounds on the stark white stomach of her close friend. The fabric was nearly immediately stained red like most of the floor and the clothing the boy was already wearing. November continued to take in deep breaths, trying to steady herself. "Horus, please listen to me." She whispered, "I need you to squeeze my hand, okay? Can you do that?" Her hand fumbled into his, feeling the coldness of it, the numbness it had. "Squeeze my hand as much as it hurts, okay? Love, please." She urged, her other hand pushing heavily against his wounds, putting pressure against the cuts.

Glancing up at the pyro, a tear rolling off the edge of her cheek. "Sammy, please prop his head up so he can breathe better," Ember was seriously thanking the medical courses she took back at the regular high school she attended before coming to Hammel. "Vincent," she squeaked, trying to raise her voice further than it would currently go.

[Vincent Verax]

Vincent was primed and prepped for having one hell of a good night with his closest friends. He'd managed to (illegally) obtain beer, don't ask how, and they had pizza and an awesome movie. What else could he have asked for? With one arm slung around Ember's shoulder, the case of beer hidden in his bag, and a 100-megawatt smile plastered over his face, Vincent was in a great mood.

Jesse was gone. Halle-fucking-lujah, Jesse was gone. Just that thought alone made Vincent want to giggle with girlish glee. Except he wouldn't, because he's far too manly for those kinds of shenanigans. (Coming from the guy who would crossdress of his own accord just for the sake of laughter.) Every single member of the Idiot Brigade had a deep seething hatred of the bitchy kid who used to share Horus' dorm, but thankfully that was no longer an issue. Now there was just Zac and Vincent knew he could handle him. Hey, he worked out for a reason!

As they entered the dorm, Vin set the bag on the kitchen counter and performed the world's least elegant swan dive onto the couch. That was his way of claiming his spot for the evening, but his favorite pillow (aka Horus) was missing. Ember's rack was a close second, but they'd come all the way out here to celebrate with Horus. So VIncent did his share of looking around (which involved lifting his head and looking left and right) when Sammy whined. "Aw man, maybe he's jus' takin' a shit." Head, meet desk.

At least Vincent had the bathroom right, but as for what Horus had been doing in there, so so wrong. He heard Sammy's shout, then Ember swear, and all of the sudden he knew something bad was happening. Rolling off the couch, he launched himself towards the bathroom to see what had everyone so freaked out. For a moment, Vincent could only stare. There was Horus, Sammy, and Ember all kneeling on the bathroom floor and what the hell--was that blood? If anyone was going to be doing any bleeding among this group of friends, it was usually Vincent, not Horus.

Ember's words took a while to register in his mind, but when they did, he snapped away from the bathroom and began tearing apart the dorm. He didn't know why Horus was bleeding, but he knew that Ember told him to get a medical kit and because Ember was the smart one, he did as she said. Finally, he found the kit stuffed in a cupboard, and skidded across the floor back to the bathroom and thrust it at her. As we all know, Vincent isn't the brightest crayon in the box, and even as he looked between his friends, he still couldn't figure out what exactly was happening. "Th'fuck 's goin' on?" So he just blurted it out. Classy as ever, Vincent.

[Horus Richmond]

As the scissors dragged over his stomach, Horus couldn't believe how painless it all felt, whether it was because he was so heavily entranced by making himself thinner, or simply because all the feeling had been vomited out of him, he couldn't be sure. Red line after red line appeared on the skin as he continued to drag the blade meaningfully across his skin, hands shaking ever so slightly as the sting started to tickle the back of his mind. No pain, no gain, no pain, no gain, he kept thinking to himself, the dullness in his eyes flashing in the stainless steel of the scissor edge.

In this strange limbo where he couldn't quite be sure whether he was entirely sane anymore, he'd forgotten that his friends were visiting. Not even the sound of the dorm door opening stirred him from his obsessive behaviour, lips cracked and dry from dehydration. Horus couldn't even remember the compliments his boyfriend had always paid him when they saw each other, no pleasant comments at all, just the constant buzz of Jesse's words, and the words he'd imagined on people's lips. At this point, even Vincent was the source of mockery, laughing at him with his toned body, hands on his hips. A sob choked his throat, and he felt liquid tickle over his cheeks.

Dimly, in the back of his head he could hear his friends calling, but that sound was drowned out by a wave of self-hatred that made him jam the scissors harder into his skin, causing a wave of red to swim out and stain his jeans. Then reality burst back into focus and the blonde stared, wide eyed up at Sammy, who was talking but making no real sound, just muffled noises. He felt his body freeze, and instinctively he gripped the scissors tighter, like they were his lifeline, confused and vulnerable as the others burst in. Ember's expression read concern as she bustled around him, and his mouth opened, only to let out a soft, tentative breath.

Audio switched on.

"Ugly." He managed to croak out of his sore, bile ravaged throat. "They... all think it." Blinking slowly and shaking his head, he flinched as Ember's jacket pressed against his skin. Vulnerable and unsteady, Horus tried to let go of the scissors, still gripped in his hand, knuckles white. Eventually, even as Vincent's words reached his ears, he dimly heard a clatter, and realised he'd let them go.

But now he'd let go, the tears started.

More sobs echoed out as he looked around him, hands coming up to cover his face, refusing to look any of his friends in the eye. "A whale." He spluttered in between tears. "He called me a whale." The words were jumbled and difficult to hear underneath the heavy drone of hiccups and whimpers, but he tried to continue. "And... they all... they all think it."

[Samuel Rixon]

Sammy was officially panicked. He was usually so laid back. Not much bothered him, got to him. But this was a little much. He felt his heart pound in his chest, and his stomach twist in a sick, anxious way. He was used to seeing blood. Around Vincent, it was just a given. If he wasn’t bleeding, something was entirely wrong. If anyone else in the group was bleeding, it was Sam, after a battle with Vincent, or Ember, if she was on the rag. (He knew it happened, he just never saw evidence of it, other than her being crankier, and refusing sleepovers.) The only, only time Horus was allowed to bleed was if he fell asleep and bashed his head on something. But even then, they all tried to be fast enough to avoid that.

Thank God for Ember, by the way. Sam didn’t know what to do except keep trying to ease the scissors from Horus’s grip. He didn’t want to see him like this. It was stressing him out. A lot. Whatever this was about, he wanted it to just go away. He’d never been the most observant person, but now he was struggling around on the floor with his best friend... did his jeans look looser? It was easy to see, with his shirt pulled up like that. But Sam couldn’t look for very long. Between the blood and his deathgrip on the scissors, he was having a hard enough time.

“Breathe better?” Well, if Ember wanted him to do that... Sam pulled off his hoodie and gently lifted Horus’s head to slide it under, temporarily abandoning his try for the scissors. He didn’t need the extra warmth right now. Back to the scissors. But before he could get too involved with that, he heard Horus speak. He sounded awful. It made Sammy shudder. He sounded sick. Ugly? Who the hell thought Horus was ugly? Sam shook his head. “No one thinks that, Horus. Promise.” And then he heard the clatter. The pyro blinked before snatching up the scissors, putting them out of reach.

By now, the knees of his jeans were stained with blood, but Sam didn’t care because this was Horus and he wanted to figure out exactly what was wrong. But when he started to cry, sob, and managed a small explanation, he felt a flare of anger surge up. He didn’t care who was behind the cruel name. He wanted to punish them. His fingers balled into tiny fists, struggling to keep a lid on his powers. “Whoever said it is a lyin’ piece of shit, buddy. You’re not a whale. No one thinks that. What about Elliot? Elliot loves you. Always has. He thinks you’re gorgeous.” He didn’t know why he was saying what he was, but it was keeping him from setting the bathroom ablaze. “Who said it?” As soon as he knew, he knew he could rely on Vincent to help him out.

No one messed with the Idiot Brigade.

[November Adams]

There was a heat that traveled through her veins, spreading underneath the surface of her skin. It wasn't a comfortable heat, but one that caused a slushing in her stomach. The heat was adrenaline, her body's response to a high stress situation - and it was not helping. November's hands were shaking more than they usually did, holding pressure against the wounds and her now stained red jacket. She let out a breath, glancing at Sammy before Vincent reentered with the First Aid Kit. She grabbed at it, immediately ripping open the box and studied the contents, eyes scanning over the pieces of white gauze and boxes of band-aids. A small bottle of alcohol was nestled in the corner between the medical tape and cotton balls. Nibbling on her bottom lip, the brunette suddenly looked back at the blonde who startled and jumped, suddenly speaking what she thought was gibberish.

"Ugly?" She repeated, eyebrows creased, the moisture in her eyes fighting not to fall down the curve of her cheek. It clicked - ugly. Fat. A whale. The time turner had noticed this for the longest time - how the blonde never changed in front of them, even though the group was so attuned to being naked in the presence of one another. How he wore clothes that didn't hug his body, and would squirm whenever one poked at his stomach area. "Oh, Horus, Horus, Horus," She said, her voice low and sad. "Horus, you're beautiful." She whispered, nearly reaching forward to cup his face again, but stopping when she realised the amount of blood on her palms. Ember leaned forward, one hand still pushed firmly against the wounds that had now slowed their bleeding to a near stop.

"You're so beautiful, I've always been jealous of you." She said, her voice shook harshly, the prickle of tears began to crawl slowly over her cheeks. "Horus, you're not a whale. You're not fat. You can fit into my jeans, you're not fat." She smiled at him, "And if Elliot was here with us now, he'd agree with me." She looked up with Sammy took over, whispering comforting words to the sobbing boy. November took a deep breath, wiping the back of her hands over her face quickly to remove the tears, unintentionally smudging a bit of her friend's blood on her jaw.

Shoving the bloodstained jacket away, she pulled out a few strips of gauze and pressed it on the wounds, removing the extra and slightly dried red liquid. "Horus, love." She began, unscrewing the cap of the alcohol, the sharp smell of it infecting her nostrils. "This is going to sting, but you have to trust me. This will help you." The time turner forced her voice to sound more even - she had to be strong right now. She had to reassure him. Pouring the clear liquid onto a piece of gauze, inhaling, and pressing the strip of fabric against his wounds. Her toes curled, practically being able to feel the sting herself. "You're going to be okay love." She whispered, patting the cleanser over his wounds, tossing it away when it was pink with blood. She repeated the process, now getting a clearer view of the cuts that now only oozed bits of blood.

Letting out a sigh of relief, she silently thanked a number of deities that he didn't need stitches.