So Long to the Headstrong (Cobalt)

[Leila Gold]

After the big debacle between Leila and Cobalt to clear the air, things at the Blue and Gold Law Firm had basically returned to normal. Specifically, Cobalt was still grouching and drinking insane amounts of coffee, Leila was still bouncing around and popping pills, and the animals were pretending they didn't live with two crazy people. The pair each were dealing with their own specific case--no reason for them to work together on one case except to ask for advice, each of them was skilled enough to handle a case on their own--and were caught up in the middle of the job, going through papers and making phone calls.

Leila had just gotten back from lunch, actually, and was about to set down and make a few phone calls. She made herself a cup of coffee, first, leaving the rest of the pot on so that Cobalt could pour himself something when he was ready.

She'd actually been drinking a huge amount of coffee this past week in an effort just to keep herself awake. She was continually tired, even if she'd gotten a full eight hours of sleep the night before. She knew she should probably see a doctor about all this but never really paid much attention.

As she stepped out of the back office, a wave of nausea hit her and she leaned against the doorframe, heaving. "Oh no," she said quietly, aware of the room swimming in front of her. She'd probably come down with the flu without even noticing it, and now she was going to throw up in the middle of the office.

"Blue," she managed to call out just before vomiting the remains of her breakfast onto the floor. She fell to the ground on her hands and knees, breathing heavily. She was still dizzy and couldn't see anything. "Help," she gasped.

There was nothing she could focus on, nothing but pain in her stomach. She rolled onto her side in a ball and clutched her stomach.

[Cobalt Weaver]

One of the things Cobalt liked most about Leila was her remarkable ability to let things go. They’d fought (sort of), they had resolved things (a little) and while Cobalt hadn’t really said anything, Leila understood and it oddly helped. He still missed Ben all the time, but he accepted that as a given. As something that he was just going to have to handle. He wasn’t going to talk to Ben about it, as Ben hadn’t seemed very willing to see him. And that was okay too. In a way. He had his friends, he would work it out.

He looked up vaguely as Leila flounced back in from lunch and disappeared back into the backroom. He was a little worried about her, since she’d been sick so often lately, but he’d opted to let her take care of herself. She was a big girl, and made it clear more than once that she didn’t appreciate him messing with her personal life. He contemplated asking her what color the pot was, but he didn’t want to bring up that argument again.

Cobalt looked up when she stopped in the doorway, and frowned at her pale face. “Leila?” He set down his pen, “Leila, are you ok—”

And then Leila vomited and fell onto the floor.

Cobalt leapt out of his chair and skidded to her side. “Shit—Leila…” He pressed a hand on her shoulder, “Okay, okay, c’mon. I’m going to get you to the hospital. It’s okay.” He all but hauled her to her feet and ushered her to his car. “You’re going to be okay.” Cobalt wasn’t sure if this was true, but he was going to find out what was going on.

The drive to the hospital was disturbingly familiar, and Cobalt was really getting quite tired of his loved ones ending up in the hospital of late. When they arrived, Cobalt pulled up to the curb and stammered something half-coherent enough to get a nurse to come outside to help.

[Leila Gold]

She was vaguely aware of Cobalt helping her to stand and then shuffling toward the door. She was incredibly dizzy and couldn't exactly think straight, though she thought she mumbled something about locking the door. Then again, it might have been something about feeding the cat...or potentially feeding the door. She mostly just wanted to sleep.

When she was safely in the car she curled her legs up onto the seat in front of her and held them clapsed tight to her chest. Resting her head on her knees, she mumbled apologies and concern, anything that came to her head really. She might have dozed off at some point as well--nothing could be entirely certain.

The next thing she knew there was an open car door and someone helping her out and piling her away into a wheelchair. Inside the building she recognized the smell of disinfectant and sick people that marked the place out as a hospital. The nurse was saying something, but Leila couldn't make out exactly what it was. She frowned as she felt her headache coming back. That coupled with the pain in her abdomen made her dig for her purse. But that had been left at the office. She would just have to live without any pain medication.

Although Leila was still nauseous and couldn't think straight, part of her knew she wasn't top priority. She was conscious, she was still breathing, and she was no longer losing large amounts of liquid. Someone might wonder why she had been brought to the hospital at all, aside from the fact that she didn't think she could stand up.

"Sorry, Blue," she muttered quietly. "Didn't mean to drag you out here..." Yet she wasn't ready for him to leave yet. If there was something wrong, she didn't want to be here alone. So she threw out her hand and caught his, holding it tight like she would if her own parents were here.

For a brief moment, she held it tight. Then she couldn't fight the wave of drowsiness that came over her, and she settled into unconsciousness.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt was trying really, really hard not to freak out. Really hard. He was on the verge of panicking as she looped in and out of consciousness in the car, mumbling barely coherent things about doors and cats and food or something. Her vague attempts at apology were met with reassurances that Cobalt doubted were very coherent either. His main goal was getting Leila to the hospital.

There would be plenty of time to talk when she was better.

Cobalt knew as well as Leila did that she wouldn’t be priority to see a doctor for all the same reasons, and Cobalt sat next to her in a chair, resisting the urge to pace. He jumped a little when she grabbed for his hand, but he recovered quickly, squeezing her own gently. “Don’t worry about it, kiddo.” Cobalt said with a tight smile, “Work was boring anyways.” He tried to sound comforting, “You’re going to be fine, okay? You’re gonna be just fine, don’t worry about it.” But Leila had already slipped back into unconsciousness. Cobalt watched the nurses and doctors bustle and swoop around them, still anchored to his seat by Leila’s hand.

Eventually, a nurse ushered Leila into another room, with Cobalt trailing behind, when they got to the door, the nurse passed Leila off to another set of attendants and turned to Cobalt. “Are you the patient’s father?”

“Y-no.” Cobalt corrected himself quickly, “No, I’m her… I’m her business partner. She collapsed at work.”

She nodded, “Okay, can you tell me if the patient is on any kind of medication, has any allergies, blood type, anything like that?”

“Um…” Cobalt shook himself, feeling overwhelmed, “I—I know that she’s on over-the-counter pain medication. She has migraines. I think right now she’s on…” He tried to think, “Uhh… Aspirin, Ibuprofen, Tylenol…s-something else that I can’t remember.” He racked his brain, “I…don’t think she’s allergic to anything. And—and I don’t know her blood type. I’m sorry.”

“You’re fine.” The nurse reassured him, but a little frown creased her forehead, “And you say she’s been on all that medication…all at once?”

“Y-yes.” Cobalt stammered, “Why?”

She paused. “One moment, sir. Once we get some blood tests done and get her connected with some fluids, you can come and sit with her.”

“…Okay.”

He waited outside the room, breathing shakily and pacing around the hallway. He didn’t like not knowing what was going on, he didn’t like seeing Leila so ill, and also didn’t like the little sinking feeling that this was something he should have noticed before.

Finally, the nurse came back in, the little frown more pronounced, “Sir, have you noticed…” She paused, “Her eyes are jaundiced. Under her eye makeup. Have you noticed any of that before?”

Cobalt’s eyes went wide. “Jaundice? N-no, I’ve never noticed.” But how could he have missed that? Jesus, Leila was clearly far sicker than Cobalt had thought. “I-I thought she might just have the flu, I didn’t think—it’d been going around, so—”

The nurse interrupted him firmly, “It’s not your fault. We’re waiting the results of the blood tests; they shouldn’t take too long. You can come sit with her now.”

“Okay.” Cobalt walked after her on numb legs into a small, sterile-smelling room where Leila was lying pale and asleep on the hospital sheets. Swallowing hard, Cobalt sat down next to her bed. Feeling a little sick, he reached over and took her hand gently.

And waited.

After almost an hour, the nurse came back. Cobalt didn’t like the look she was wearing. “Some of the blood test results came back and…” She hesitated, looking apologetic. Cobalt just wished she’d get along with it. “She has acute liver failure, and based on the information you gave us we believe it's due to substance abuse, but we need to run some tests just to be sure.”

It was a surreal feeling, really. He didn’t…feel anything right away. Acute liver failure. Acute liver failure. It was a subject he didn’t know much about immediately, but it was still something that he’d heard of. Something extremely, sometimes fatally serious.

Acute liver failure.

“Oh…shit.” Cobalt rubbed at the bridge of his nose, trying to process all this information and trying not to panic as he did so.

[Leila Gold]

Leila had been unconscious throughout the tests and wasn't exactly aware of what was going on. When she did come back to herself, the thing she was most aware of was the insane amount of tubes and machines hooked up to her.

As she blinked her eyes blearily and tried to look around--without moving too much, as she still felt a bit sore--she mumbled, "What happened?"

She forced herself to smile. "All this for a little old flu, huh? Shoot, with all this attention I'm going to get spoiled. Blue'll have to start--"

All at once she glanced around wildly. "Wait, Blue? Blue! Are you still, are you still there?" She didn't think he would have left her, he was probably just around the corner, or just out of her line of sight. And surely he'd be able to say what was going on. He could tell her why she wasn't already on her way home with a pile of antibiotics and an order for bedrest.

"Blue...everything's gonna be all right, isn't it?"

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt’s ears were ringing a little as the nurse discussed treatment options and other things he didn’t quite understand. He gave himself a little shake and forced himself to get a handle on things and pay attention. “…And we’re trying to get her bumped up on the list for a liver transplant—”

Cobalt blanched, “liver transplant? It’s that bad?”

The nurse nodded, brow furrowed in sympathy, “It would be the best course of action right now. Unfortunately, the circumstances make it a little difficult to get her on the top of the list.”

“Why?” Cobalt frowned slightly, “What’s with her situation?”

“Well…” The nurse spread her hands out helplessly, “She’s got a drug problem, and that doesn’t look particularly—”

“It’s just aspirin, over the counter pain medicines—”

“But it’s still drugs.” The nurse sighed, “I’m sorry, I don’t want to be blunt, but we’re running short on time here. We’ll do everything we can to get her up near the top of the list, and we’ll start prepping her for surgery soon. We’ll bring in our hepatologist in for consultation, and we’ll see from there.”

“O-okay.” Cobalt stammered, trying to think of things he ought to ask. He’d never been in this situation, he didn’t know what he should do. He was going to have to figure out how long she needed to be there, he needed to find out if she wanted him to call her parents—

Oh crap, he was going to have to call her parents…

The sound of his name (or his nickname, rather), caught his attention. Apparently, Leila was awake in her room, and looking for him. He took a step towards the room, then stumbled to a stop, glancing at the nurse to see if he needed to know anything else. The nurse gave him a nod and he quickly strode back into the room. “Hey Lee.” Cobalt forced a little smile, taking the seat next to her bed again.

Her question gave him pause. What was he supposed to say? He wanted to believe with all his heart that she was going to be okay, that everything was going to sort itself out and it was going to be all right. But he didn’t know, and he didn’t think he could tell her that. “…You’ve… Leila, you’ve got acute liver failure. They ran tests and—and it looks pretty conclusive, I guess.” He looked at her, “The doctors are doing everything they can, and I guess they’re gonna bring in a hept… h… liver doctor.” Cobalt rubbed his forehead, frustrated, “Leila, this will work out, okay? You’re going to be all right.”

He really hoped that was true, and he didn’t want to think otherwise.

[Leila Gold]

Cobalt walked in and Leila gave a small sigh of relief. She really did not want to be alone just now and was glad he'd stuck around. Especially since she'd probably need him to give her a ride home after all this crap was sorted out.

She did her best to ignore how worried he looked until he actually started speaking. He didn't tell her it would be all right. And Leila knew how precise he was about words. She knew. They were both lawyers, they knew how important it was to be meticulous. Blue never lied to her about anything serious. If he didn't say it now, it meant he didn't believe it. At least not wholly. That in itself made her pause. She felt the blood drain from her face as he spoke and thought her heart might have stopped for a moment. She certainly knew she wasn't breathing right anymore.

"My...my liver?" And he'd finally told her she'd be okay, but he'd hesitated, and he was worried about the whole thing. This wasn't an easy problem with an easy solution. "Wait, what's actually...oh God."

She laid back on the bed and took a few moments to get her breath back. Her head was still spinning a bit and it was hard to think, but she wasn't sure if that was because of the medicine or something else. She didn't know anything about liver failure, except you were supposed to be jaundiced. Had she noticed herself becoming jaundiced recently? It wasn't as if she paid that much attention, and they'd both been busy lately. Bringing her hand in front of her face, though, she could definitely see that there was a tinge to her skin.

"Oh God," she said again. She wanted to curl up into a tiny ball and cry again, but just at that moment the door opened again. Making a quick grab at Cobalt's hand--she didn't want to be alone, didn't want him to leave, even if he wasn't really family, even if he maybe would've rather she left him alone--she tried to force herself not to cry. Not yet. It wasn't the right time. She had to wait to see what all the doctors said first.

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

Terrence pushed open the door gingerly, offering the two people in the room a reassuring smile. He recognized the young woman from the book club; she had quite a grip on the man's hand. He would have assumed father if the nurse hadn't mentioned a business partner being with the patient.

"Ms. Gold," He nodded toward Leila as he approached her bedside. "It's nice to see you awake."

It was such a shame how young she was; she didn't look much like a drug addict, but if there was one thing his job had taught him it was that you could never tell. Unfortunate. She should have had a bright future, and now she was going to be in the hospital until she could get a liver transplant. If she could get one.

"I'm Dr. Jordan, the hepatologist here at Maddock. Ms. Gold, I'm afraid you have a serious problem. The tests say you have acute liver failure. What that means is that your liver is severely damaged and is starting to shut down. I'm afraid you're going to have to have a liver transplant, but in the mean time I have a few medications to prescribe to you. Unfortunately they aren't for your liver, but for the complications your liver is causing the rest of your body. To start with we need to take care of your gastric ulcers. If those aren't taken care of you could end up needing a blood transfusion. As well, the nurse will be giving you medication for your cerebral edema. She'll be checking your blood regularly to make sure you don't develop any other infections." He explained, trying to be as clear as possible about what she'd be going through. It wouldn't be fun.

"This means you'll have to stay with us awhile. You'll be moved into a nicer room while you wait for a liver to become available."

He paused and looked between the patient and her coworker. "Are there any questions?"

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt held Leila’s hand tight when she reached out for him. “I’m not going anywhere.” He reassured her quietly before the doctor made his way in. The nametag said Dr. Jordan and he did have a calming professionality to him, which Cobalt appreciated in the vague and distant way he was taking in things at present. Still holding Leila’s hand, he sat back and let the doctor speak to Leila.

The problem was, the doctor was saying a lot of things Cobalt barely understood and sounded extremely and terrifyingly serious. Like cerebral edema. And gastric ulcers. Cobalt’s mind raced; she would have to get a transplant, and potentially blood transfusions, and ostensibly all this would have to happen fairly quickly, but transplants didn’t seem like something that happened quickly at all.

When Dr. Jordan asked for questions, Cobalt quickly arranged all the information as best he could. Finally, he managed, “Wh—how long will it take for her to get a transplant? I assume this is kind of a time sensitive situation. She’ll have time, won’t she?” This wasn’t going to be a race-against-the-clock type thing, right? She would be okay.

[Leila Gold]

She recognized the doctor, though for a moment she couldn't remember where from. Then she recalled the book club and she felt oddly...comforted. He had been an intelligent, level-headed person, and he liked books. That in itself actually made her trust him more than if he'd just been described as the best liver doctor in the world. It was easier to trust someone when you knew them a bit.

As Dr. Jordan--Terrence, she thought he'd said at the club--spoke, Leila could only stare at him wide-eyed and continue to hold onto Blue's hand. She was probably crushing him, but she was attempting to suck some sort of strength out of the nearest person. It helped that she'd known Blue for long enough and thought of him as a sort of surrogate father, even if he didn't necessarily feel the same way about her.

From the sound of it, she would be stuck in the hospital, in pain, getting checked on regularly. What did she do to herself that led to this kind of treatment? She always knew that she should probably take better care of herself, but she'd always felt healthy...until just recently. It just hadn't seemed like something to get worked up over until now.

She was grateful that Cobalt asked the first question. She was still a bit in shock and wasn't sure what to say first.

"How long do you think I'll be here?" she asked quietly. "I still have to tell everyone and...and my dog, I have to take care of her, and..." She trailed off for a moment, thinking. Finally, she braced herself for the question she was most afraid of.

"What if I don't get a transplant? How long do I have? What, um. What will happen...you know. To me."

She didn't know anything about liver failure, whether it was something you could survive with as long as you were in the hospital or if there was a time limit, or anything else.

"Do you know what caused the failure?" she asked. "For sure? Is there anything else that's wrong with me, aside from the ulcers, and the, the, um, cerebral edema? And what exactly does that mean?"

A part of her wanted to be angry, angry at herself for letting this happen, angry at others for...for something, surely. But she wasn't sure where to direct her anger, so the only emotion that she felt right now was fear. This morning had been so beautiful--she'd been so happy. What had gone wrong?

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

The questions were all typical of the situation, but unfortunately he had very little he could offer as far as concrete information.

Leila's coworker spoke up first, asking the most pressing -- and unfortunately the most difficult to answer -- question. Well, really there were two questions in there, and both were equally tricky to answer.

"Ms. Gold has acute liver failure. Acute means that she has between eight and twenty eight days before her liver shuts down completely."

He allowed the gravity of that top sink in before answering the rest of the question.

"Unfortunately, there is not a guarantee that we'll be able to acquire a liver. While Ms. Gold has been put on the national waiting list kept by the U.N.O.S. but there are a number of factors that go into matching a liver with a donor. Her height and her blood type must be taken into account and the substance abuse will put her behind patients with a cleaner record. Barring that, there is always the possibility of a living donor, but again a living donor would have to be of a similar height and share her blood type."

That was the most helpful answer he could give to that question. Fortunately, the questions asked by the patient herself were easier to field, even if the answers themselves weren't particularly cheering.

He gave her the most gentle smile he could; she was taking this admirably, all things considered. As he'd already covered the time limit they had, he chose to answer her question specifically for recovery.

"After the transplant you'll remain at the hospital for two weeks so that we can monitor you and make sure your body doesn't reject your new liver." Rejection could occur much later than that, but he would caution her about that and advise regular appointments once she was recovering from the transplant.

If she could get one.

"The cause of the failure appears to be sustained substance abuse. The tests have come back negative for pregnancy or disease and substance abuse is consistent with evidence presented to us by your coworker as well as the ahhh lobule of the liver currently affected."

An ounce of prevention would go such a long way in making sure he never had to tell people any of these things. He hated having to admit that death was a likely outcome, but he couldn't lie to a patient. He didn't want to give false hope and, further, she'd asked flat out.

"Gastric ulcers are stomach ulcers." He explained, "And they are very common in patients with liver failure. If they bleed excessively then you would require a blood transfusion, and I would prefer not to get to that point." He paused before continuing. "Cerebral edema is, ahh, it is an excess of fluids in your brain, very toxic fluids, and the intercranial pressure this causes can lead to a coma or death if not treated."

Wasn't that a cheerful thought?

"A transplant is vital. Without one there are increased chances of coagulopathy, renal failure, hypotension, hypnotraemia, and multi organ failure."

Among other things.

[Cobalt Weaver]

Cobalt’s eyes were wide and horrified. “Eight to twenty-eight days?” Holy shit, that was almost no time at all. His grip on Leila’s hand was as tight as hers on his. And then it just kept getting worse. Once he knew how long her liver would last, he knew it wouldn’t be enough time to get a liver. Eight to twenty-eight days didn’t sound like enough time to get on a donor list. And Cobalt wished he would stop calling it “substance abuse”. It was just Tylenol… Nevertheless, how many times had Cobalt teased her like that, calling her a little drug addict? It was only teasing, he’d never meant it to be serious.

He looked up at Dr. Jordan when he mentioned a live donor. “How—what is Leila’s blood type?” They were the same height, almost. And as far as he knew, his liver was in good working order. And it would certainly stop this situation from getting beyond both their control…

Cobalt listened to Dr. Jordan talk about what would happen after a transplant, his brain racing. She would be in here for at least eight to twenty-eight days. He would let people know if she wanted (especially her parents, he would ask her about that later), he figured he could take care of Athena since he’d taken care of Josh’s rabbit when he was in the hospital…

It turned out Leila was thinking along the same lines. Cobalt rubbed her hand with his thumb, getting her attention. “I can take care of that,” He assured her quietly, “I’ll let your mom and dad know, if you want.” He couldn’t imagine why she wouldn’t want her parents here, but it was her choice regardless. Whatever she wanted.

“Jesus.” Cobalt breathed as Dr. Jordan explained what gastric ulcers and cerebral edema were. “Intracranial pressure because of her liver?” That didn’t make any sense, but then, Cobalt wasn’t a doctor.

When Dr. Jordan got to the point, Cobalt let out a shuddering sigh. So basically, if Leila didn’t get this transplant, she was dead. Okay. He couldn’t freak out just yet. There had to be something they could do. “So…” Cobalt cleared his throat and started again, “So, what do we do in the meantime? Is there anything we can do right now that will help this situation any? Until we have a plan for a transplant?” Because sitting around and waiting didn’t seem like the best solution, as far as Cobalt could see. They had to do something.

[Leila Gold]

Days? There was a possibility she only had days left?

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, hanging her head. "I didn't...I guess I..." But she couldn't lie about not knowing that taking that many painkillers was bad for her. She had known there might be consequences, and she had chosen to ignore them. And now it was coming back to bite her.

"A positive," she told Blue. "I'm A positive. Mom would always joke and say that it was a sign of me being a top-notch student. Even my blood got high grades." She smiled wearily.

"Yes, please. Call my parents. The number is on file. Just let them know...let them know what's going on. They may fly up to join us, if Dad can get time off from his practice..."

She nodded at all of the doctor's information. She didn't think it would be anything other than substance abuse. She knew it wasn't pregnancy, anyway, though she supposed they needed to check to make sure.

All the symptoms he was describing sounded horrible, and she winced all the time. Did she actually feel like there were extra fluids in her brain? Aside from her ever-present dizziness she didn't feel too different, but she supposed that it might not really show. And she wasn't exactly sure what all the other things he was saying meant, but they all sounded bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad.

She nodded at Cobalt's question--it was a good one. She was still hung up, though, on the idea that she might not get a liver at all.

"What do I have to do?" she asked desperately. "I mean to try to get a liver? Is there any way...I mean...I promise not to take painkillers again. I don't need them, really, I just...if it'll help, I'll do anything." She didn't say it. She didn't want to sound like she was begging, despite the fact that she already was. But she thought it with all her might.

Please don't let me die.

She was tired. Her head was sore, and she couldn't think straight anymore. And it looked like the only thing left to do was wait, anyway. So she leaned back on the pillow.

"Blue, I hate to do this to you...can you tell everyone? I just, I'm so tired." She closed her eyes to shut out some of the light. "And do me a favor?" This one was going to be a little harder, she knew, but it was important to her. "Would you tell everyone at my church, too? The Methodist church on 2nd street. Please. Thank you so much. Love you." And she was falling asleep again.

[Dr. Terrence Jordan]

Ms. Gold and her coworker were freaking out. It was apparent from the looks on their faces and the desperate questions pouring from their mouths that they were freaking out.

Terrence didn't blame him; were he in either of their positions he would have been freaking out, as well. However, as the doctor he couldn't afford to freak out. He had to figure out how to save Ms. Gold, if that were even possible.

He waited patiently as the two frantically discussed who to call and taking care of pets before interjecting, "Because of the degree of medical urgency, Ms. Gold will be ahh moved to the top of the UNOS list, but that doesn't guarantee that there will be an available match."

His tone was apologetic; if he could, he would generate new livers for people, but he was only a simple liver doctor. He couldn't magic new ones into existence.

"If you need more information you can visit the UNOS website, or Transplant Living. They are very informative. I have some brochures in my office, if you'd like one, as well."

It wasn't until he was done with this short explanation that he realized that Leila had fallen asleep.

There really wasn't anything either of them could do but wait for a liver to become available, however.

"A nurse will be by to check on her vitals in an hour," He told Cobalt, in case the other man planned on staying by her side. "If you need anything before then press the button on the side of her bed." He pointed to the call button. "And let us know what is needed and the closest available nurse should be here as fast as possible. If you leave your number then I'll call you as soon as a liver becomes available so that you can be here for her surgery."

Assuming she didn't get a living donor. He certainly hoped that something would become available sooner rather than later.

And with that he let himself out, allowing his patient to rest and her coworker to hover.