TIME WARP: Kodachrome

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Thirty-three years ago...



Considering the fact that they were in college, there weren’t nearly enough parties, although from their parents’ perspective, there were far too many. Their circle of friends wasn’t as into organized parties as others in campus, at least not the traditional party every Friday night and Saturday night if you were a liberal arts student, and every Thursday night, Friday night, and Saturday night if you were an engineering student, since they didn’t have Friday classes. As the social justice-minded students that they were, they usually had marches to attend on Saturdays and underground meetings on Friday nights. Besides, they went to school in Manhattan and there was no shortage of bars available.

Still, there was a party tonight. The self-dubbed NYU radicals and their closest friends, neighbors, classmates, paramours, and anyone willing to spring for a keg were all invited. And to make it interesting, it was a costume party. Greg claimed that this was a way of coping with the winter and welcoming the early spring without forcing everyone to wear togas, since it was too cold for that and not everyone was as comfortable in bed sheets outside the bedroom. Sean believed that this was all an excuse to wear a cape, although he was too polite to say so.

Still, seeing his friend dressed as Zorro had earned Greg a bit of good-natured teasing. The other man had been hardly impressed with Sean’s costume. Despite the fact that he’d gone to three different vintage shops to find the proper clothing, and the fact that his costume perfectly matched the character’s outfit in Breakfast of Champions, Greg argued that the references was too obscure and nobody would know who he was supposed to be. Sean had compromised with a name tag that said “Hello My Name is Kilgore Trout” and hoped for the best.

The party was underway with good friends, good music, less than healthy food, and copious amounts of beer and hard liquor. The costumes were creative; Sean had to hand it to the guests. There was a beautiful girl there, Karen, dressed head-to-toe in green body paint and gold-colored lingerie, as an Orion Slave Girl from Star Trek. She was a knockout and she had been flirting with Greg for the past ten minutes; she didn’t realize that her efforts were wasted. And it was about that time that Sean decided to part ways with his friend and wander around a bit.

_______________________________________________________


Young Sean - circa the late 1970s

[Joshua Bernstein]

Growing up Josh had not been the sort of boy to spend his time with pots on his head while wielding frying pan shields. Costumes had been relegated for Halloween, when he wore whatever his mother thought would look adorable, and that was that. Talia had loved to play dress up, and she had occasionally managed to coerce him into playing with her, but it wasn't his first choice of activities.

His mother would definitely not have thought anyone at this costume party was adorable. Certainly his Pharaoh costume, while admirably accurate thanks to Talia's participation in her school's drama department and her willingness to help him with a costume when he'd mentioned needing one, showed quite a bit more skin than his mother would have approved of. Of course, he wasn't the only one showing skin, and both alcohol and weed was freely available, which had already lead to awkward courtship rituals. For instance, Greg and the green-skinned stripper. Josh was surprised to see the upperclassman paying attention to her; he'd never shown much interest in scantily clad women before now as far as Josh had noticed.

At least she wasn't throwing herself at Sean; he did have an interest in scantily clad women, as Josh knew from having met several of the women he had slept with dated. Not that her lack of interest actually helped him any: Sean was still interested in women and he was still male, and therefore off limits anyway. His mother would be horrified if she had any idea what sort of thoughts he harbored about his older friend.

The best that could be said of the situation was that Sean was still his friend; he was a telepath, after all, so he was likely to have some inkling that Josh was interested. He could easily have run in the opposite direction, but he hadn't. But just in case his telepathy hadn't picked that up Josh wasn't going to say anything about it.

That didn't mean he wasn't going to follow the older boy around the party, however, so when he saw Sean peel off from Greg he made his way over, beer in hand.

"Hey, Sean." He greeted the upperclassman, cheerfulness at seeing his friend mixing uncomfortably with awkwardness over his attraction. "What are you supposed to be?"

He wasn't sure what to make of the telepath's outfit, but it definitely wasn't something he wore on a regular basis. He was probably from some television show or movie; several of the costumes were lost on him because of his disinterest in either medium.

---

baby Josh graphic by the lovely Lynxie

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[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean didn’t always like it when Greg was right. It wasn’t that his friend was always right- far from it, in fact – which might be why he didn’t appreciate it when the other boy actually was right. Particularly when it came to Sean’s overestimation of Vonnegut’s popularity among undergraduates, enough to recognize one of his characters on sight. Perhaps he should have gone with his backup plan of a red bathrobe and a wicker cowboy hat. People liked M*A*S*H and he was tall enough to pull off Hawkeye. Ah well, he’d made his decision and he would stand by it.

He was just as happy to see the freshman as Josh was to see him, although one of them was privy to that information in all of its complicated glory. Complicated was the word of the day where Josh was involved, because thoughts, urges, feelings, and fantasies he’d never had before manifested in the younger boy’s presence, and the worst of it was that Sean knew they were his. After years of telepathy, he knew how to distinguish between something he picked up from someone else and his own thoughts, and while Josh was the cause of these complications, he wasn’t the source. It was surprising and something he had been trying to work through, since he had no experience otherwise.

Smiling at his friend, he took a moment to study his costume – he looked good and Greg would surely approve – before handing over the beer he’d just picked up but hadn’t sipped from yet. “Have a drink.” It was his job as a semi-host to make sure everyone was drinking and happy.

And with his now free hand, he reached up to tap his name tag. “Kilgore Trout. He’s the protagonist in a bunch of Vonnegut’s novels, based on Theodore Sturgeon. I don’t know if you’ve read anything by him but he’s a master.” Brilliant. Just keep that up and you’ll scare him off yet, he thought to himself before changing the subject. “I like your costume.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

"Umm..." Josh began as Sean offered him his beer, too surprised to decline immediately, and so he found himself holding two beers. He was surprised that the upperclassman was even encouraging his beer drinking, considering that the last party they'd attended he'd wound up drinking far too much (a combination of goading by Greg and a misguided attempt to impress Sean) and throwing up all over himself. "...thank you."

The thanks was meant for both the drink and the compliment. He wished that the compliment was for more than the costume, but he couldn't expect more than that.

While he definitely didn't recognize the older boy's costume he did recognize the name of the author, and he managed to look thoroughly impressed that Sean had decided to dress up in such an inspired costume. "Whoa, really? I haven't read him, but my dad loves him." And next time he visited home it was time to borrow from his father's library. If Sean recommended him then he must be excellent, and maybe a tiny part of him still wanted to impress his friend, despite the logical part of his brain telling him he shouldn't bother.

"Oh, uh, thank you." He said again, glancing down at his sandaled feet. "My sister helped. She's pretty handy with costumes, next time there's a costume party I'll ask her if she wants to make you one, too." Both his siblings had some artistic leanings, but somehow he'd gotten skipped over when it came time to dole out art skills. The closest he came to being an artist was marking up signs for the demonstrations he and his friends attended.

"This was a fun idea." He was vaguely aware that both Greg and Sean had helped stage it, but he wasn't entirely sure who was responsible for the idea in the first place. However, that didn't matter; while he liked Greg and thought the other youth was great fun to be with, he wasn't attracted to him and thus wasn't trying to come up with any excuse to talk to him. Besides, Greg was still talking with the stripper and Sean was talking to him. "Thank you for inviting me."

He was a social person and he'd quickly integrated with the radicals, but he was still aware that he was one of the youngest people in their group, and sometimes he felt awkward about it. So he was certainly grateful when they included him in their activities without complaint.

"What kind of beer is this, anyway?" He asked, taking a sip from his own cup just in case Sean decided he wanted his own back. It wasn't like he needed two of them anyway.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

It was evident that Sean was a bit distracted that he hadn’t noticed that Josh already had a beer. The room was crowded which didn’t help his focus, nor did the fact that he’d already had a couple of drinks, and then there was the effect that Josh had on his concentration. When he realized, he didn’t say anything but that would only be more absurd, and besides, he was contemplating breaking out a bottle of something a little harder than beer. He had no intention of letting Josh drink any of that because he didn’t think the younger boy was ready for hard liquor; he needed to build up his tolerance a bit more first.

“Your dad has good taste,” Sean said with a smile, and that was based on what Josh had told him and what else he had sensed from his friend over the past few months. Sean continued to be impressed by Josh’s family because they were wholly different from Sean’s, and not merely because of the different religion and culture. Sean loved his parents, but he respected what he knew about Josh’s, and that was the difference. He then heard Josh’s thought and he replied, “I have a slew of his paperbacks in my room; I could lend them to you if you want?”

Sean nodded while listening to Josh talk about his sister. “That would be nice of you, and her. My sister is good with sewing things but I think she’d draw the line at helping with costumes.” Still, he smiled fondly when thinking of Kathleen.

The telepath gestured vaguely through the throng of people in Greg’s direction. “All compliments on the party go to Greg.” The blond was sitting on the sofa with Karen, who was still flirting with him, while Greg was now animatedly asking her about her brother. Sean knew this despite the fact that he was too far away to overhear their conversation with his ears. Greg had brought it on himself by not politely refusing her advances when they started, as far as Sean was concerned, and besides, half the guys at this party were completely envious of Greg for the attention he was getting. And then he smiled at Josh again, a more gentle smile. “Of course I’d invite you. You were at the top of the list when we started planning.”

At the question, Sean became momentarily thoughtful. “Good question.” There were about six brands floating around since they’d had a budget surplus and had gone a little overboard with refreshments. “I think it’s Yuengling.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

"I know, he does." Josh agreed. He had never gone through any sort of questioning of his parents values, and the current party was the extent of his rebelliousness. Certainly neither of his parents had any problem with the people and organizations he chose to associate with, and in fact his mother had frequently expressed pride at her youngest son for following in her activist footsteps. And while she had yet to meet any of his friends, she had made it plain she assumed that they were excellent mentors and would only bring him up.

"Really? That would be great." He enthused at the offer to borrow Sean's books. His father wouldn't mind sharing, but Sean was on campus which made borrowing slightly more convenient; only slightly, though, since really he could just take the subway home anytime he wanted. And on Saturdays he frequently did.

"Talia wants to be an actress so she loves costumes." That was an aspiration neither of his parents approved of. How she expected to support herself that way was beyond any of the Bernsteins, and her love gof the stage only served to convince his mother, at least, that her poor grades were due to not trying rather than the dyslexia she'd been diagnosed with. "She would love to help. But I'm sure your sister would help if you asked."

He followed Sean's gaze toward Greg, who looked unexpectedly pleased by the attention he was getting. "I'll let him know when he isn't preoccupied." He decided aloud, returning his attention to the much more interesting person before him,

His smile widened visibly at being told he was on the top of the invite list. Sean was probably just being nice, since he'd known most of the attendees longer than the few months Josh had been attending NYU, but he still felt his spirits lift up into the ozone. "Yuengling, huh? This is pretty good." He took another (several) sips as he tried to think of some topic of conversation to keep him right where he was.

"So, is everyone just drinking or are there supposed to be games or something?"

He wasn't very experienced at parties, and he'd passed out at the last one before he'd gotten the hang of it.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

The telepath nodded in affirmation that he was fine to lend his books to his friend. He had a habit of rescuing books from bookstores new and used – his mother didn’t approve of his buying books used because they looked cheap but that was another matter entirely – and so his room was filled with stacks and stacks of paperbacks, and there were even more back at his parents’ house. He was always happy to share. “Just tell me which ones you want and you can keep them for as long as you need.”

Sean smiled as Josh described his sister’s aspirations, and he overheard the thoughts regarding his family’s opinions on the matter. “I hope she makes it. And your family lives in New York, so it’s not like she wouldn’t be able to support herself. There are so many opportunities between the production companies and Broadway and a lot of actors are paid well.” There was a brief pause and the telepath shook his head to himself before meeting Josh’s eyes. “I’m sorry. It’s the crowd. I don’t-I don’t normally do that.”

He normally overheard, and he tried not to lie about that to friends because they had a right to know. But he was normally better at not responding to unspoken thoughts, since most people weren’t Robert and didn’t appreciate participating in conversations where they didn’t say a word. He then shook his head. “And no, I don’t think my sister would. She’s very proper, and this isn’t her thing.”

The telepath’s smile widened as the other boy smiled, because it was contagious, and he liked it when Josh was happy; it made him happy as well. He nodded in agreement. “Yeah, it’s pretty good. We have plenty if you want a third.” He could joke about that now and pretend that it was deliberate.

“This is about it,” he explained. The conversation and the food and the music and the drinking and the pot and what little dancing might happen were par for the course with their parties. “We have enough people and empties for Spin the Bottle but I don’t see that going down well.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

"Ummm. I don't know, I guess I should start from the beginning?" Josh wasn't sure which titles to request largely because he knew nothing of Vonnegut beyond the fact that his father read him. He certainly couldn't bring to mind the names of any of them, so he would have to rely on chronological order and hope for the best.

He waved a hand dismissively (or as best he could while holding his beers, sloshing some over the edge of one cup and onto the floor) to indicate he wasn't bothered by the telepathy. "Don't worry about it," he reassured the older boy. "It isn't as if I don't know." That was almost one of the first things he'd learned about Sean, and rather than finding it off-putting he thought it was fascinating. There were some thoughts he would prefer his friend didn't know (namely, anything pertaining to him) but other than that he wasn't too bothered by the idea. "It's not like you can help it." He offered, because he doubted that Sean would read his thoughts on purpose. "Maybe you're right, though." He adhered to his parents love of education and he wasn't convinced that acting was a very respectable way to make a living, but he hoped that if Talia did pursue an acting career she would be successful at it; he didn't want his younger sibling to starve, after all.

"I'm not even done with my first one...." He protested, but he supposed that the party would last long enough that he would have time for more. Maybe he wouldn't pass out this time.

"Ohhh." He glanced around at the other attendees, many of whom had already paired up. "I guess that most people don't need the help." He mused to himself. He did, but he didn't think spin the bottle would prove very useful in changing his interest from men to women, as much as he wished that it would. That would make life so much simpler, and he wouldn't have to disappoint his mother when he didn't get married and have children. Or disappoint his wife when he did, but wasn't actually interested in her.

"Not everyone has to play, though, do they?" He figured they could opt out if they wanted; Greg and Karen wouldn't want to play, if the fact that they were still deep in conversation was any indication.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

That was a fair place to start, especially if Josh had managed to never read any Vonnegut. “I’ll start you off with Player Piano and The Sirens of Titan, those are his earliest. If you like those, I’ll skip you ahead to Cat’s Cradle, which is one of his most famous ones, definitely one of his best.” Books were a safe topic, particularly books about which Sean had a somewhat encyclopedic knowledge because of the voracious reading he did was a means of keeping himself occupied, particularly when he’d been at Hammel.

While they talked, Sean cracked open the bottle of whiskey on the refreshment table and poured himself a cup. He drank it straight, which wasn’t the tastiest option but he didn’t feel like looking around for something to cut it with.

While it was true that he didn’t expend much energy hiding the fact that he was meta, and a telepath to boot – that was only for strangers whom he perceived would be better off not knowing than knowing and worrying – he still didn’t want to make other people uncomfortable. His friends trusted him not to constantly read their minds, and if he couldn’t make good on that expectation, they expected him to at least pretend otherwise. His friends were good about it, which was yet another reason that he liked Josh so much; Josh was good about it. Josh got it, to the extent that he expected non-metas, non-psychics to get it; he wasn’t uncomfortable with him because of it. “I do my best.” It was something he had talked to Josh about before and had wanted to talk about again. Because whereas the younger boy had all of these stories about growing up with his family and going through high school, Sean’s similar stories were about Hammel.

The telepath had a far more zen outlook on professions, despite the fact that he was essentially following in his father’s footsteps, although from his own desires. “We just need to find a way to spend our lives that make us happy. If it makes her happy, that’s what matters, right?”

Sean hadn’t intended for Josh to take him seriously with the suggestion. He hadn’t played Spin the Bottle since...well, ever, actually. But it was certainly a high school game. And nobody here needed the help; Josh was correct in that assessment. He overheard Josh’s internal monologue and he managed not to frown, although he wanted to because he didn’t think it right for his friend to be so miserable already regarding his future. Unfortunately there was no appropriate way to broach the subject. Instead he focused on the immediate question. “I don’t think anyone wants to play. It’s not a good game. I guess we could try Never Have I Ever, since people can drink during that. I don’t know how enthusiastic people would be though.” They weren’t really a game crowd.

[Joshua Bernstein]

"Sure, that sounds fantastic!" Josh agreed enthusiastically. He likewise loved to read, but he spent more time reading such hefty tomes as The Annals of Imperial Rome (which was his favorite) and Ab Urbe Condita (he might have been a bit of a nerd) and less time reading modern fiction, which meant he was less familiar with it. Still, it couldn't hurt to try, and if Sean admired Vonnegut enough to dress up like one of his characters then it was probably worth it.

"Of course you do." That was exactly the sort of person Sean was, someone who respected other people's boundaries. It was probably really difficult, too, Josh wasn't sure he would be able to handle telepathy but Sean was very responsible with it as far as he could tell. "So don't worry about it, it's not like i don't know you'll hear stuff sometimes."

He took another, considering sip of beer as Sean supported Talia's career desires. "I suppose." He still wasn't convinced, but it was certainly better than having his sister end up a housewife. It would be so sad for his own sister to take women's rights backwards.

"Hmmm. I've never played it, so I wouldn't know." He confessed. Spin the bottle was one of those games he heard mentioned, but if anyone he knew had played it then they hadn't told him. "I haven't played that one, either..." He felt rather inexperienced, what with all these activities he'd never participated in before. "But we could play just the two of us!" He suggested helpfully. He wasn't planning on joining all the making out happening, so he might as well find something to do while he drank and clung to Sean's side[/i] hung out with Sean.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“Great,” the telepath said with a smile. “I’ll make sure you don’t go home empty-handed.” He’d read several of the books Josh considered his favorites, but he was at a stage in life where he liked reading fiction because he had so much homework otherwise.

“Thanks, anyway.” Sean understood that Josh wasn’t concerned, but that was precisely what he appreciated. Not everyone took the news that he could read minds quite as well as his younger friend had. He chalked it up to most people not looking beyond themselves and asking what it was like for him if they were uncomfortable with the notion. It wasn’t as though he liked knowing that much about everyone around him; he simply accepted it because it was a part of him. An immutable part.

Honestly, Sean felt the same way about his own sister regarding housewifery. While Sean’s mother was a housewife, he objected to the notion that it was expected of any woman to stay home and to deny her the ability to do what she wanted with her life. He had complicated opinions on the matter, since he didn’t like the idea of people working jobs they hated, particularly dangerous jobs, because of fear of eviction. And his family was secure enough that it had never occurred to him. It was a jumble of gender roles he didn’t believe in and he’d tried to broach the subject gently with Kathleen, but there was no way to do so without making it sound like he disrespected their mother. Which he didn’t; he just didn’t think that women belonged in the home and rejected the 1950s model of his childhood. He couldn’t say any of that, however, since he had just apologized for failing to keep these opinions to himself when he overheard them.

The telepath took another sip of his whiskey, feeling it burn down his throat. It was evident even without Josh’s admission that he’d never played Never Have I Ever, because nobody who had played it would suggest doing so with only one other person. At the same time, Josh seemed so eager and it was true that neither of them had much chance of hooking up with someone at the party. Well, Sean supposed that he could make a pass at Karen, which would make Greg happy, but he wasn’t interested. He would far prefer Josh’s company. “We could play if you want. My room’s empty and we could go in there.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh brightened as Sean agreed to play. It wasn't that standing around talking and drinking wasn't fun -- he enjoyed the radicals' parties more than any his parents had ever put on, if only because his mother used them as opportunities to tell embarrassing stories and call him pet names he wanted to be grown out of -- but he still felt as if a party needed something more to keep it going. Even if it was just the two of them playing he was happy, because he enjoyed Sean's company: he was nice and patient and intelligent and conscientious and generally an all around wonderful person.

"Are you sure you don't mind?" He asked anxiously; there was always the chance that his friend was only agreeing to be nice. He could very well prefer hanging out with his other friends.

Then again, maybe he was agreeing because Greg was so busy. Usually Greg and Sean spent a great deal of time together, much like he had with Donald growing up. It was still a bit awkward that his best friend had decided to go out of state; he would have loved having him around at all the meetings and demonstrations, and Donald probably would have really liked both Greg and Sean.

"I mean, that would be really great! But you'll have to teach me how to play."

He wondered if he could carry both beers up to Sean's room, or if he would have to pawn one off onto someone else. Probably he shouldn't take them, but hey, it was better to quit while he wasn't falling down drunk.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean nodded, giving the other man a smile. “No, it’s fine. Let me just grab some food for us.” College students generally, and their group in particular, went through food like black holes. The telepath was certain that the marijuana didn’t help curb their appetites, but they were responsible about it, never taking it outside and never going to class high, certainly never driving high, and so as far as he was concerned they were entitled.

He disappeared for a couple of minutes to fill one of the empty pizza boxes with slices and chips, and then grabbed a few of the desserts, before closing it. Returning to Josh’s side, he gave him a “come hither” gesture, before picking up the bottle of whiskey, putting his empty plastic cup upside down atop the bottle neck, and walking up to his room.

When they were both settled, he closed the door partially to give them some privacy and let them talk over the sound of the music. He then put the pizza box down on the desk and opened it, poured himself another cup of whiskey, and settled on his bed. “So, you said you needed me to teach you?”

He wasn’t being polite, since he did enjoy Josh’s company a great deal, and because he took pleasure in his friend’s contentment and enthusiasm, but he still couldn’t believe that he’d just agreed to play this with the younger man. Greg would make fun of him, because that was what his close friend since freshman year did. But Greg wasn’t here; he was too busy being too polite to inform Karen that he was more interested in her brother. Well, that served him right.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh placed the untouched beer on one of the folding tables as they walked by --he assumed that someone would drink it before the night was over -- but since Sean brought the whiskey he decided that bringing just one cup wouldn't hurt. It might even make the game more fun!

Sean's room was tidy for a college student, far tidier than Josh or his roommate, but that didn't surprise him in the least. After all, Sean was mature and responsible.

And also apparently enamored of Audrey Hepburn, judging by the poster plastered across one wall. He tried not to look too disappointed; he was already aware that Sean dated women and besides, he couldn't very well come out as gay when he still wasn't comfortable with the idea.

Oh, well, might as well turn his attention to the matter at hand.

He settled himself against the wall across from the bed, trying unsuccessfully not to spill his beer.

"Yeah," He nodded in confirmation, swapping his cup to the other hand in order to suck droplets of beer off his fingers, "Is it sort of like truth or dare? Except with more questions?" That was what the name lead him to believe, anyway.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

The telepath tried to keep his space tidy and organized because organization helped him focus and allowed him to think clearly. It had the bonus of never giving his mother reason to make critical comments when she came to visit. The bookshelves were lined with books, all organized by author and genre, and there was a box of journals under his bed, with only the most recent on his desk for use. He could look at Audrey’s face from his bed, because she had been his first celebrity crush and he remained fond of her.

“There’s pizza, chips, and cookies in the box,” he informed his friend, because he wanted the other boy to know what was available. They might be in here for a while and he didn’t want Josh to starve now that they were separated from the rest of the party.

And upon seeing his friend settle in the opposite corner, he added, “I have a beanbag chair in the closet I can get you if you don’t want the desk chair. Or I could take the chair and you can have the bed.” He didn’t want Josh to think that he had to sit in the corner. It wasn’t conducive to the game, anyway.

He took a sip of his whiskey and then went on to explain. “Sort of. You usually put out your hands so you have ten fingers, and someone begins with a true statement of ‘never have I ever done’ something. Everyone who’s done that has to put down a finger, and depending on who you’re playing with, take a drink too. The last person to have a finger out wins. Or loses, I guess, if you want to judge by excitement and life experience.”