TIME WARP: Kodachrome

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Unfortunately, that was the way that Never Have I Ever was played; invariably, it led to questions about relationships, particularly when college students were involved.

And the other boy’s reaction to the question reminded Sean that, yes, he was a freshman. As much as he enjoyed Josh’s company, his young friend remained woefully unexposed to concepts that the older radicals considered old hat. Such as having a crush on a teacher. That was normal. Sean only worried when teachers dated students due to the power imbalance and the abuse of a professional relationship – assuming this was college and not high school and thus wasn’t also statutory rape. And to answer Josh’s question, he had more than enough knowledge of that. “All the time. People get crushes on just about everyone.” Teachers, roommates, friends’ parents and siblings...the list went on.

The telepath then shook his head in response to the other boy’s turn. “I haven’t. I’m one person at a time, mostly. I mean, there was this gestalt-” Sean immediately corrected himself, since he was using shorthand for a concept that Josh might never have encountered. “This set of twins a couple of years older than me in high school; I think everyone had a crush on them, they were so pretty and nice. I couldn’t rule out that I would have if I’d been asked and had been single at the time.”

It was his turn to think of one, and Josh’s revelation that he had only dated one girl, had only kissed her once, hadn’t liked it much, and thus had never done anything further, several avenues were closed off for questions. Thus he refilled his plastic cup and took a sip while thinking. Finally he said, “Never have I ever been in a real fight.”

He’d been beaten up once, but that wasn’t the same at all.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh nodded once in response to the idea that people had crushes on everyone; he'd never been interested in any of his teachers, but he had crushed rather hard on some politicians (some of whom were older than any of the teachers he was currently dismissing as ancient) so he supposed it made sense. Teachers were more accessible. But the fact remained that he'd never considered a teacher as crush-worthy before.

There was something indefinably attractive about the idea of twins, and as such the Freshman didn't think they quite counted when it came to dating two people at once, because it was dating twins, but he decided to keep that idea to himself and concentrate instead on the question at hand.

"The only fights I've been in have been fights for people's rights." He responded earnestly, by which he meant he'd been to a lot of demonstrations and parades. As for anything violent, he would have lost quickly. "Violence is never the answer." He would sooner be beaten than raise a hand against another human being.

"Never have I ever played a sport."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean briefly overheard the other boy’s thought about twins, and then put it out of his mind. That, he knew, was a common enough fantasy. And while gestalt pairs weren’t twins in the conventional sense, now wasn’t the time to think about that. Thus he let it go.

The telepath nodded with approval of Josh’s history; he had assumed as much, but it was good to hear confirmation of his assumptions. Particularly when one of those assumptions was one of the many reasons he liked the younger boy so much. “Violence isn’t the answer,” he agreed, because that was true. Violence only bred more violence.

“I was beat up once, though,” he added, because that was the nature of this game, and because he was still drinking whiskey but the bottle was growing emptier with each cup Sean sipped. “When I was still in Catholic school, not at Hammel.” Hammel hadn’t tolerated bullying.

That was the first question of the game where the telepath required clarification. “Do you mean that like playing a sport for the school? Or for fun with friends. You had to play in gym, didn’t you?” Sean’s answer varied depending on what Josh had intended, and thus accuracy was important for scorekeeping.

[Joshua Bernstein]

"What?!"

Josh was aghast at the thought that anyone would want to beat up someone as nice as Sean, let alone that they would actually do so.

"But why! You're so...so...nice. Everyone likes you." At least, all the radicals liked Sean and his mother liked Sean and that was enough people for him to proclaim universal popularity.

It just didn't make any sense that someone would beat Sean up.

Especially at a Catholic school. "Don't you have nuns at Catholic school?" He ventured hesitantly. His view of nuns were of stern-faced, no-nonsense women who, although decrepit and ancient, were nonetheless fearsome and not to be messed with on pain of death, excommunication and being whapped with rulers. Students didn't mess with nuns, and he fully expected that beating up another student was probably considered a Very Bad Thing and that anyone who did so should cower in fear lest the nuns get them.

"Oh, the gym doesn't count. I meant like...like....the school football team. Something organized and for the whole season. Of course you have to for gym." He didn't comment on the idea of playing sports with friends, since he and his friends largely talked politics and made up posters. And he hadn't played sports with his brother, either, as Matt had been more interested in painting and crayons.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

This wasn’t a story that Sean often proclaimed, but it also was nothing of which he was ashamed. Not because he thought he deserved it, but because he acknowledged the situation for what it was, and it had only been the once. “My telepathy was just starting out, and a friend of mine, his father abused him. So I tried to talk to him about it, and he got defensive. Then he punched me in the face and it deteriorated a bit from there.”

Then school had ended, and he had been taken to Hammel for the next school year. He didn’t fault Tim Flannigan for doing it, even if it had been wrong.

Despite the heavier topic, he chuckled because the other boy was so vehement in his idea of nuns; the image popped into Sean’s head, and it matched stereotypes. But it also wasn’t his experience. “My sister had nuns at her Catholic school,” and there had been some young ones, for that matter. “I was taught by Jesuits.” Realizing that his friend might be unfamiliar with who the Jesuits were, he added, “They’re a learned sect of priests and brothers. I didn’t have nuns.”

The telepath listened to Josh’s clarification of the question, and then he shook his head and kept his fingers up. “Then I’ve never played a sport. My high school didn’t have organized sports.” And he hadn’t joined any of NYU’s teams when he came to college. Some of the guys had played basketball before, and there had been a couple of softball games. And he fenced and boxed, but that had been for a class.

“Never have I ever done something other people consider dangerous.” Realizing that was vague, he added, “Through broad consensus. I don’t mean subjective reasoning.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh didn't understand why Sean was laughing again, until he explained that he didn't have nuns. The following explanation of what Jesuits were was nice, as well; he'd heard the term but had assumed it was some denomination of Christianity, since they seemed to have an awful lot of them.

"He shouldn't have punched you, you were only trying to help." He insisted defensively, offended on Sean's behalf. He didn't understand Tim's position, where pride or fear or a combination of both would make the telepath's revelation unwelcome.

"Really? They didn't have sports at Hammel?" He couldn't conceive of a school without organized sports teams, even though he'd never availed himself of them. He wasn't that athletic himself. "Would you have played one if they did?"

He screwed up his face when asked if he'd ever done anything dangerous, hiding embarrassment by nearly draining his cup.

Maybe he should have brought the second one up after all.

"Well...." He fidgeted with his headdress as he tried to buy time. "Yeah, I mean, it didn't seem that dangerous at the time but my mom was furious...." Oh, right, that needed some context, didn't it. "We were on a road trip out West one summer, because my grandparents are in California, and when we were visiting the Grand Canyon Matt and I thought we'd get better polaroids if we got as far out over the edge as possible."

In retrospect he was glad neither of them had slipped; the bottom was a long way down.

"Never have I ever had a pet." He would have liked one, though.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

The telepath shrugged slightly at the other boy’s insistence that punching him hadn’t been the right thing to do. He agreed with that, of course; he hadn’t liked his bloody nose, but he simply couldn’t bring himself to get angry at someone who was being beaten by his father when they had both been so young. “It was a long time ago.”

“No,” Sean confirmed with a shake of his head. There had been no sports teams “Only gym.” As for the question, he had to think that through, because he had never given it any thought. When he had first come to Hammel, he had been in no condition to play sports; he’d only been capable of going to class and then training with Robert, and even then, class hadn’t always been possible. By the time he had been emotionally capable of team sports, he had been long used to the fact that none were available.”I don’t really know. I liked baseball, but I don’t know if I would have been good enough for a team. And I’m tall, but I’m not fast, so basketball would have been out.”

Sean also sipped from his whiskey, in a show of solidarity with Josh drinking so quickly. He asked no clarification, waiting patiently for his friend to explain himself.

And with the explanation, he had to admit that certainly sounded dangerous. Sean had never been to the Grand Canyon, but he knew what it looked like. “I’m glad you didn’t get hurt,” he said earnestly, because that would have been terrible.

Finally a question that made Sean curl a finger towards the palm of hand. “We had a golden retriever named Archie. He was very friendly.” Because he was a golden retriever.

He took another sip of his whiskey before taking his next turn. “Never have I ever hitchhiked.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Baseball was so innately American, and was viewed with the same vague suspicion as apple pie or flag waving. Liking baseball was almost synonymous with patriotism, and patriotism was synonymous with agreeing with the government about all things oppressive and violent. On the other hand, he kind of liked country music, which had similar connotations (and thus was why he rarely admitted to it) so he supposed he couldn't judge to harshly. Besides, it was Sean and he knew that Sean didn't subscribe to silly things like national pride.

"Really? Was it fun?" He asked eagerly, imagining how nice it must have been to have a canine companion. He liked dogs, but with three children there hadn't been room for one in the Bernstein household.

He shook his head at Sean's question. "Nooooo. Not unless you count calling a cab, I haven't. But that would be super cool, don't you think? Hitchhiking across the country, seeing the sights, going at your own pace..." Monetary concerns or issues with clothing or sleeping quarters didn't occur to him. Hitchhiking was one of those slightly romantic things people did when they were trying to find themselves and it was all very enlightening and philosophical.

He was beginning to feel more relaxed, more open, which was probably to blame for the query he threw back at the telepath. He'd heard people talk about having this problem with their roommates, though he hadn't with his; his roommate was a nice Italian Catholic. A nicer Catholic boy than Sean insomuch as he didn't have sex with girls, even the girl he was engaged to. His mother must have been so proud.

"Never have I ever walked in on someone having sex."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean liked baseball because that’s what people in his neighborhood played and what his father watched. He liked it because there were interesting aspects to it, and because the players were far better at it than he could ever have been. He liked watching Reggie Jackson, and he liked that, after a long slump through most of his life, the Yankees were finally winning again. He also liked the fact that he could shield during games now, such that thousands of minds weren’t clambering for attention in his skull while he tried to watch.

The telepath then nodded in response to Josh’s question. “Yes. He was a good dog, very playful, and he was trained well. I loved that dog.” Archie was also, most likely, the last pet Sean would ever have. He didn’t have the same comfort with animals he’d possessed as a child.

“It could be fun,” Sean agreed, because that was true. Depending on where they ended up and who they drove with, hitchhiking across the country could be great. Or it could end like Easy Riders which would be terrible.

Then, at Josh’s next turn, another of Sean’s fingers curled toward his palm. “My freshman roommate. And Greg. And most of the guys on my hall – that’s the telepathy.” Sean’s cheeks were pink now, and he looked down at his plastic cup. “And...well, I know when my parents have sex when I’m staying at home. It’s...uncomfortable.” Not that he resented them for still enjoying one another’s company, but he didn’t need details.

It took a moment for the blush to fade, during which he considering his next turn. Finally, he said, “Never have I ever snuck into somewhere.”

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh had never considered that aspect of telepathy before, and he felt horrible for Sean. He would have been mortified knowing when his parents were being intimate, particularly in detail. He also, while glad that he didn't have to worry about his roommate getting randy with anyone, was somewhat worried now. Most of the guys on Sean's hall were having sex? He was well aware that Greg was sexually active; the older boy didn't really hide that fact. But for most of the guys on Sean's hall to also be having sex....That put him (and his roommate) in the minority.

His father had told him that most young men would brag about having sexual encounters they hadn't had, but if Sean was walking in on that many people, either physically or telepathically, then that meant his father was wrong. Or lying to him in order to keep him on the straight and narrow, one or the other. Probably wrong; he didn't think his dad would lie to him.

This fact made him feel uncomfortably young and inexperienced. Sex was one of those activities that made people adults (in his mind) and if everyone around him was doing it and he wasn't, then they must all think he was still a kid. That was a bummer, because he wanted their regard. Specifically, he wanted Sean's regard, though he was aware that the upperclassman was no virgin.

And there was another point down. And another awkward confession of an idea that had sounded good at the time but turned out not to be.

"Uhhh, well, we got caught before we made it in, but Donald and I tried to sneak into the Blue Room at City Hall once when Beame was giving a press conference. I really wanted his autograph, but nooooo, apparently that's not a good enough reason for security personnel." He glared sulkily at his nearly empty beer. It wasn't fair, they weren't going to do anything! They weren't even there to interrupt in protest!

"Never have I ever been kicked out of class." He doubted Sean had, but since they were on the topic of rebellious behavior it came to mind.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

It was hardly one of Sean’s favorite aspects of his telepathy. Although there was worse knowledge than merely knowing that people around him, including his parents, were being intimate; he also knew all manner of fantasies and sexual proclivities For instance, his TA for freshman chemistry had liked women’s shoes. Had really liked them. It had been an awkward semester.

Many of the people Sean knew were sexually active, which he considered usual because it was most of the people he knew outside of religious affiliation, and they were in college and it was the 1970s. Not everyone who was sexually active slept around, of course; not everyone went all the way, but Sean had a broad notion of sexual intimacy. Between the telepathic awareness and the fact that he was taught that all of it was to be avoided until marriage. That lesson had fallen by the wayside when he entered college.

It wasn’t for everyone, but he had been ready. He certainly didn’t judge others for their experiences, or lack thereof. With the sheer amount of what he knew about others, he couldn’t afford to pass judgment.

Sean listened with great interest as his friend explained why he lost the point. He thought that was a fairly good reason to sneak in, particularly since it wasn’t sneaking somewhere to steal. However, trying to get close to politicians was always difficult. “They didn’t have you arrested, did they?” He certainly hoped not.

When the other boy took his turn, Sean was down another point. “...a lot, actually.” Those memories were filled with shame, because he had done nothing purposefully and he had felt so guilty afterward. “I was considered a disruption because of my powers; I couldn’t always control them. But I’m better now.” He hadn’t been thrown out of a single class at NYU.

As for his next turn, he took a moment to think and to drink. Finally, he said, “Never have I ever had to stay in the hospital.” He had been quite fortunate in that regard, and he was aware.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh was much less aware when it came to other people's sexual proclivities. He didn't have telepathy to educate him and while his parents (his mother, in particular) were adamantly opposed to rigid gender roles they still expected him to be a Nice Young Man, and between parental expectations and a disinclination toward heterosexual relationships he had generally tried to keep sex off the radar. Particularly, he wasn't going to seek out knowledge, because he wasn't interested in what he was supposed to do, and what he was interested in he didn't want to encourage. And so what he knew he'd gleaned from health classes and his peers.

He shook his head when Sean asked if he and Donald had been arrested. "No, thank everything." He was careful not to use the Lord's name in vain; he was, after all, a Good Jewish Boy. "They just kicked us out." He didn't know what his mother would have done if he'd been arrested for trying to get a politicians autograph.

He couldn't understand how telepathy could be considered disruptive for anyone but the telepath, and so he didn't understand why Sean would have been kicked out of class. "Oh. That....that doesn't make sense." He admitted, tilting his head to one side in puzzlement. "How would telepathy disrupt class?"

As for the hospital, Josh was fortunate in that he rarely got ill and he also rarely participated in activities which would result in hospital-worthy injuries.

"I had my tonsils out, but that was out patient."

He chewed his pizza thoughtfully before asking, "Never have I ever thought I was going to die."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

College made for fast friendships. Between the living together in close quarters, the idealism of that age, and the culture of it all, college students had a tendency to become friends quickly and to grow close all the more quickly. As such, Sean had fewer qualms sharing with the younger boy, because he felt close to him despite only knowing him a few months; that wasn’t simply the telepathy.

Thus, when Josh expressed confusion over how his abilities could have been a disruption to others in a class, Sean reached for another handful of chips and explained, “I’m not a pure telepath.” Not that he had handled his telepathy well when he was younger, so his reactions to the voices was enough to have him removed from class with an emergency request for Robert to help him.

The telepath then nodded in acknowledgement about Josh’s tonsils. That didn’t sound too bad; although having never had surgery at all, it was a somewhat strange thought. Only somewhat, however, since his father was a doctor.

He had been eating some of the chips he’d grabbed when Josh took his next turn. One finger reluctantly curled towards his palm, and Sean immediately became quiet. It was his first true discomfort with this game or any of the topics they’d broached; even discussing how his telepathy gave him knowledge of his parents was only somewhat awkward, and something with which he’d learned to cope years ago.

This was different.

A long period of silence followed, before Sean looked over at the younger boy. “This is dangerous territory, my friend.”

Caught up in that, he neglected to take his next turn.

[Joshua Bernstein]

Josh didn't understand what was meant by pure telepath but instead of asking for clarification he merely accepted this answer by furrowing his brow into a slightly puzzled expression and nodded as he tried to work out what that might mean.

The only idea that was coming to mind was breeding, which made sense to him in that neither of Sean's parents were telepaths as far as he was aware, and thus Sean wouldn't have been a pure one, but he didn't see how that would cause disruptions, unless some of the other students were stuck on pedigree and brought it up to mock him. But even in that case he would have assumed that the teachers would get onto the bullies, not Sean. He had no control over his genetics, so it wasn't fair of people to tease him about that.

He finished his pizza, then contemplated the other edibles Sean had brought with them. Cookies seemed like a good idea; there was never a wrong time for cookies.

He waited patiently and, admittedly, with a great deal of curiosity, for Sean to explain what had happened. The actual reply, when it came, was met with a mixture of disappointment that the upperclassman wasn't willing to share and guilt at causing him obvious discomfort. In retrospect he supposed that most people wouldn't want to talk about near death experiences, but he hadn't thought the question through when he'd asked.

Though really he was surprised that Sean had been in that situation; after all, he'd already said he'd never done anything harder than marijuana and he had never been in the hospital.

But instead of prying he said, "I'm sorry! Uhhh, if....if you don't wanna talk about it I'll ask something else."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

The puzzled expression on his friend’s face reminded Sean that he needed to stop using terms that floated around Hammel that might be unknown to the general public. The thought he heard from Josh a moment later confirmed that need; nobody at Hammel had cared in the slightest about pedigree. There weren’t many second generation metas that he’d met either; most came from the same background as him: baseline parents, perhaps no metas at all in the family. Their numbers were still small.

To give his friend understanding, he explained, “A pure telepath is someone who just has telepathy.” That wasn’t him. That he wasn’t a pure telepath was why it had taken so long for Hammel to find him in the first place, because his condition hid itself, through no effort of his own. And it had been undesired.

He ate a few more chips quietly, thoughts on the past situations when he had thought he was dying. The problem here was that he didn’t know how to articulate any of this to someone who wasn’t Robert. Robert understood, because Robert understood everything. His priest sympathized, but he hadn’t understood; Sean knew his parents didn’t understand. He didn’t think anyone else could, not exactly, not without thinking that there was something wrong with his ability to cope.

Finally, he asked, making it clear that his was a question and not a turn. “Did you ever worry about suffocating in the dark when you were a kid?”