Horus Tries To Be Helpful [Closed]

[Zachary LaRousse]

“OHMYFUCKINGGAWD.” As unbelievable as it may seem, Zac does try his hardest not to curse. Or at least use the ever-so-classy ‘fucking’ as an adverb in virtually any sentence. His mother had a staunch stance when it comes to the said words; Zac didn’t get wind of them until he stopped being homeschooled and entered the ‘real world’, back when he was 8. He was told that he’d be talking to powerful people in the future, and using such crude language would only make him look like an utter fool amongst them. Which means what L.C. is currently doing to Vincent was just that severe that Zac couldn’t even control himself even more.

The mimic knew there was going to be blood; this was reality anyway. Vincent isn’t some cartoon character who’ll bounce back up with barely a scratch when you drop a ten-ton weight on him; he’s invincible sure, but not invulnerable. He was also fairly sure that when people are stabbed, they don’t just glow then explode in a bright light, or say a few parting words then turn into dust. But his mind was definitely not ready to have blood spill all over him. On his face, his arms and new (and sweaty) white wife beater.

“L.C calm down. Stop it, stop it!” he tried to shout, though his jaw was still throbbing from the unexpected jab Vincent gave him. He was glad that she suddenly came to his rescue (though like the Dwarf he oh-so-despises, he argues he could’ve taken care of Vincent in his own terms), he couldn’t say the same for her outburst. It also didn’t help that he was within striking distance of those dreadful spikes, something he wasn’t sure his rhinoceros invulnerability has strength to counter.

Then they started shouting about who fucked who. While he wasn’t really the type to be ashamed of who he does and who he doesn’t, there’s just something in the way the humpstick and the Maiden speak that inevitably made the smug Prince be ashamed of what he did. He was just about to tap into a bat and scream his heart out to separate the two when he saw Snorlax move swiftly towards Vincent and L.C., then to him. It took him a while to figure out what’s happening, and when he did, he’s already halfway through the land of rainbow lakes and candy rains.

Oh they’re going to be in so much trouble. (Horus, nice job though).

[Vincent Verax]

Vincent was entirely too used to pain. Ever since he was a small child, even before his power showed itself, he was hurting himself for the amusement of others and ultimately himself. Even now, he delighted in doing what he could to disgust Chase during the times he was supposed to be training. Everyone at the school knew him for his ridiculous stunts. (Along with his willingness to hump pretty much everything that moved. It was more of a shock when he stopped doing that.) And Vincent had known and bothered L.C. often enough to know exactly what it feels like to be spiked over and over and over again.

Add that to his blinding fury, and it was almost like he couldn't feel anything. Oh, he knew that he was a mess, he knew that the girl was putting holes all over him, and he knew that there was blood everywhere, but still the only thing he could think of was Moe and what Zac had done to him. That was what hurt.

And no one else seemed to understand.

Zac's attempt to brag, L.C's shouting of how it wasn't entirely Zac's fault, with Horus bellowing over all of it. None of them understood. Maybe Vincent didn't even understand it himself, but all he knew was that he had to make Zac hurt now. It was his old fall back, letting his fists do the talking. And talk they did. He managed to free himself from L.C's wrath long enough to turn and send another fist flying into Zac's stomach before Horus finally took things into his own hands. Vin got out another shout of "YOU FUCKIN' SHITHEAD!" before Horus touched him and he landed oh-so-gracefully face first in the grass. This certainly wasn't the first time Horus had put him out, although it was probably the best use of his powers that Horus had performed so far.

---

FIFO. First in, first out. Vincent had been the first to go down and he was also the first to come around. He was groggy, he was sore, but thankfully the few minutes he was out (approximately 10) was enough for his healing to kick into overdrive. Some spots were still bleeding, and there was dried blood all over him, but the only thing he saw when he first woke up was the ground. Grunting, he pushed himself up and looked around. L.C. and Zac were laying on the ground nearby, Horus was sitting on Zac, and Vincent just blinked. "Please tell m' that I killed 'im."

Yeah, you thought that rage was going anywhere? You thought wrong.

[Horus Richmond]

Horus had passed the unconscious time by playing angry birds on his phone, getting slight smears of mayo over the screen as he insistently ate his sandwich. He was just about to swear and throw his phone - after losing the level he was stuck on the fifth time, when he noticed Vin was starting to stir. Warily, he leant forward and watched the boy get to his feet, then shrugged and looked up at his friend.

"Nah, he's jus' unconscious." The blonde said simply, shoving his phone back in his pocket and throwing half a sandwich at Vin to satiate his regeneration munchies. "Bu' before y'jus' go an' deck him, take a few deep breaths an' shiz." He added, rubbing his chin and licking the mayo off his fingers. He hoped the others would come round soon enough, that way they could all talk CALMLY and civilly and there'd be less spikes and punching and general chaos. Jerking his head back to regard Zac, he got off his feet and picked at the grass in front of him.

"See, 'f y'question him, y'might b'able t'find out what Moe's been doin'!" He exclaimed, crawling over to his friend and shaking him. "An' then y'can win Moe back an' stuff. Jus' think how much it'd suck 'f y'killed Zac an' he was th'only one wh'knew how t'get Moe back!" He added for dramatic effect, running his hands through his hair and standing up to investigate his damage. Ugh, he wasn't going to sleep properly tonight at all. Better cancel any ingenious plans he might have had for tomorrow - likelihood was they weren't going to happen.

Feeling a sudden urge to poke himself to sleep to save him any further gory sights, the blonde stuffed his hands in his pockets. "'Sides, Dr. Neville'll beat our asses 'f w'fight anymore. An' that's valuable writin' our name in Piss an' unicycling time wasted." Because, in Horus' world, those things are extremely important to his general wellbeing, and time spent being told NOT to fight was pointless, since the blonde mostly just bit people and held on for grim death till such time the fighting ended. "An' if Zac don't tell us what w'wanna know, y'can punch him in th'nuts." He added, as a final bribe to keep Vin calm.

[L.C. Milliner]

Oblivious to everyone and everything around her, L.C. was still asleep and would be for a while. As the minutes ticked by, it became obvious that she was now not only sleeping due to Horus, but possibly of her own accord. Her body had taken that tiny sliver of sleep handed to it on a silver platter and was making the most out of it. One could blame her body chemistry, or chalk it up to her female anatomy being different, therefore making her sleep longer, but honestly it was probably more along the lines of the constant fatigue she was in. She rarely had a good night’s sleep to keep her going these days, between stress about school and her sudden renewal of her refusal to take sleeping pills.

In other words: she’s going to be asleep for a while. Let’s just move on, shall we?

[Zachary LaRousse]

Despite knowing Horus for a good while now (about a year or so he thinks, though he knows the boy’s been around longer than that), this is – more likely than not – the first time the blonde has actually used his powers on him. While he’s long been curious about how induced sleep feels like (he’s seen Horus use it a dozen times on Sam and Vincent before, especially when they get so carried away with watching Jackass, among other stupid films), he’s never really asked Horus about it because (1) they weren’t really that close for him to ask what he perceives as rather intimate favors, and (2) this is Horus they’re talking about. He may be the more sane side of the Idiot Brigade, but he’s still part of it. And being part of the Brigade is never a good thing in Zac’s book.

Looking back though, one could say that Zac’s feeling some sort of regret not asking Horus to make him sleep before. While he’s not experiencing insomnia or anything like that (thank goodness, he says), snoozing under Horus’ direction feels a lot more relaxing than the previous naptimes he’s got. It’s like his whole body really went to sleep, not just his brain. Maybe he should ask Horus to make him sleep more often then. (In return, he promises to call him a cooler name than Snorlax now. Maybe Morpheus. Or Hypno. Yeah, Hypno sounds a whole lot better).

Unfortunately for the boy, his deep sleep won’t last forever. Within moments, he found himself being pulled away from the land of rainbow unicorns and chocolate rivers (quite literally really), groaning in slight irritation at the sudden interruption of his wonderful unique dream. “Morning booger faces,” he said, yawning loudly as he sat up (stealthily wiping the drool that’s dried up on the side of his lips). He would’ve forgotten all about the incident just a few minutes prior had he not seen the still furious Vincent looking at him, cowering just slightly and feeling mighty compromised as his savior L.C.’s still sleeping soundly.

“Dude, beating the hell out of me won’t accomplish anything.” Other than smash his ego to smithereens, that is. “Moe hates you right now. Like extremely. Why’d you think he asked me to get him that flat of his downtown anyway?”

[Vincent Verax]

Controlling his anger was a concept Vincent wasn't familiar with. If he was angry, everyone was going to know it, and someone was going to end up with a black eye. Looks like Zac gets the honor of the black eye. You might want to put some ice on that. It was only the distraction of the sandwich that kept Vincent from going over and hulk-throwing Zac as far as he could, preferably into a tree. His stomach gave a particularly loud rumble and without much hesitation, he shoved the entire thing in his mouth. Manners? Uh, you're definitely looking in the wrong place for those.

He dropped down onto the grass as he chewed sloppily, his cheeks bulging. It was only by virtue of FOOD that he was willing to sit peacefully for a while, listening to Horus while he tried to swallow the half-masticated lump of sandwich in his mouth. (That was appetizing imagery, wasn't it?) Horus made sense, but Vincent wasn't one for "sense" unless it was followed by "-less violence." Killing Zac sounded so much more fun than getting information out of him, but Jam (and Anubis) do not want Mr. LaRousse dead.

Finally, once the sandwich was finally gone, Vincent looked over at Zac with narrowed eyes. The little greeting made Vin's fingers twitch, fighting back the urge to kick him right in the head. "I fuckin' hate you more." Grumbling, he got up and walked slowly over to Zac, his eyebrows drawn together in a scowl. "Look, LaDouche, ya gunna tell m'everythin' 'bout this flat, an' if ya don', I'm gunna rip ya puny little dick off an' slap th'shit outta ya wif it. Ai'ight?"

[Horus Richmond]

Horus thought he ate fast, but of course, Vincent had a mouth bigger than two ripe melons glued together in the crude shape of a pair of testicles, so it wasn't too difficult for him to ingest a whole sandwich in one sitting. Still, Zac's next remark distracted the stumpy blonde, and he wrinkled his nose. Booger faces? Really? Were we back in 4th grade there for a moment? "What in th'fuck." Horus exclaimed in frustration. He was clearly out cold and dreaming. "Who th'hell says Booger Faces past th'age of 7?"

Of course, the sandwichy distraction didn't last and Vincent was soon back to raging. "Yeah, tell him 'bout th'flat 'cause I ain't in th'mood f'breakin' up fights no more." Horus grumbled, opening up a bag of chips and offering a few over to both parties. "An' don' tell him Moe hates him, h'knows that already. I mean, th'lil' dude aint even LOOKIN' at him." And that was clearly the nastiest thing ever. Ignoring someone's existence. How about breaking their nose, Horus? He seems to have forgotten that he hates Jesse so much he thinks of ripping off his face and sewing it onto a shirt as a memento of his superior awesomeness. Moe would never do that to Vin. Ever.

"S'like... did Moe say anythin' that Vin could do t'win him back?" He offered as a nudge to get the conversation going, cramming a handful of chips into his mouth. He glanced back at L.C for a moment and politely placed his bag under her head. No one would thank him if she woke up with neck ache from lying too flat, that's for sure. "Like... Iunno. Send him a rainbow." Because that is really physically possible, Horus. I really think I should end this post here before he embarrasses me anymore.

[L.C. Milliner]

She's still sleeping. Wait! Maybe- nope. L.C. is officially dead to the world. Not even the sound of Zac's perfect cheekbones being crushed into fragments by Vincent's fist could wake her now. They could easily tie him up and toss him into the pond with a brick around his ankles and she still would sleep though it. (Though if they did and she woke up, there's little she could do anyway. She can't swim, after all.)

She isn't even snoring, that's how asleep she is. Although, she is drooling a little bit, but that's beside the point. Her face doesn't even have that angry look to it anymore! Aww. She looks so cute when she isn't ripping somebody apart, doesn't she? Somebody take a picture quick, while it lasts.

Sorry Zac, looks like you're on your own. Have fun with that. Think of it as karmic payback for punching Alex in the eye, or for harassing Ann, or for kissing Moe, and Robbie, and Fifi, and... Well, let's just call it payback and leave the list a few paragraphs shorter. You had this coming, man.

[Zachary LaRousse]

Ok. So maaaaybe calling the Horus and Vincent ‘booger faces’ is rather childish of him. That it doesn’t really reflect anything good about him (or at least reflect such an image that he wants to project to the public). That he appears more immature and dumb than smart and witty really. But does that mean he merits the punch the goth boy gave him the moment he wakes up? Nope, he doesn’t think so. Probably why he promptly returned the favor, backing his own strength with that of a gorilla’s in hopes that it’ll make quite the impression.

Besides, the boy will just heal it off in a bit anyway.

“And you wonder why Moe hates you,” he snorted, rolling his eyes then smugly looking at the boy as he wiped the blood off his lips. Damn. That boy could punch. If it wasn’t for the healing factor his powers gave him, he would’ve been squirming so much right now. The pain in his jaw was quite severe that, without his powers, opening his mouth slightly to breathe is quite the excruciating task already.

After flexing his jaw for a bit, making sure that it wasn’t dislocated or anything, he spoke again, not bothering to hide the anger in his voice. “You’re such a cheater Verax, you know that? You can’t even fight fair – always throwing your punches when I least expect it – and yet you expect Moe to believe that you’d be faithful to him once he gives you a second chance? You disgust me.” Hooray for the carefully thought of speech. He doesn’t really care that he probably lost Vincent halfway through, or that he completely omitted the part that he himself played in Vincent’s infidelity. “Moe deserves someone better.”

His healing factor didn’t work as fast as Vincent’s, so he could still feel some pain a few minutes later, but it was manageable enough that he could yawn (an involuntary gesture of his whenever he’s stretching his arms and legs from a sitting position). He promptly leaned down and grabbed the still sleeping Maiden from the ground (how can she sleep amidst all the din that’s happening around her?). “You could’ve asked properly you know,” sneered the boy, grinning darkly soon after, “Oh wait, never mind. I wouldn’t have told you about it either way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I need to get L.C. somewhere safe.”

Hooray for Zac the diva.

[Vincent Verax]

Vincent hardly expected Zac to do what he asked. The mimic was just as thick-headed and stubborn as him on occasion. Had the tables been turned, Vin would have been taunting Zac with the information he wanted. Granted, if it were L.C. that they were talking about, Vinnie would have said something obnoxious and insulting, like "But she got spikes 'n her vag!" But thankfully Zac has enough sense not to insult little Moemoe. It's likely he knows that would be a horrible idea and would only end with more pain on his behalf.

He also hadn't expected Zac to hit back and it caught him off guard. He didn't know that Zac could hid that hard... or that he was cheating in order to do so. Powers, Vincent rarely thought about them until he needed them and besides, his just did its thing automatically. But it was a bad move on Zachie's part, because now Vin is even more angry. As if he needed any help in that department.

Luckily for LaRousse, Horus' voice was enough to stop Vincent from releasing all that pent up anger and frustration on Zac's person, but we all know it won't last. The mimic proved he was bold enough to toe the boundaries and even though Vin really wanted to, he refrained from taking another swing at Zac. Instead, he spit in his face. Gross, I know, but this is Vincent we're talking about. "If he deserves better, he shoulda stayed th'fuck away from YOU, you pig-face sack 'f shit."

Vin wasn't going to let Zac get off the hook that easily, so he grabbed the mimic's arm and yanked him back. "Look here, pencil-dick, L.C.'s fine, but ain't gunna be if ya don' tell me 'bout this place. I will break y'fuckin' nose, got it?" His grip on Zac's arm was much tighter than it needed to be, but if it was enough to make LaRousse uncomfortable, then Vinnie was happy.

[Horus Richmond]

"Zac, please jus' tell him what he wants t'know." Horus groaned, putting his head in his hands and tempted to beat on his temples till such point as the world stopped being such a pain in the ass to cope with. Of course then Zac had to hit back and the blonde pretty much had the most horrendous tantrum on the ground, yelling out "STOPPPPIIIITTTTTT" in the loudest voice you will ever hear.

"Jesus fuckin' christ I hate th'fuck out o'both o'you right now." He eventually sulked, before grabbing Zac and shaking him. "TELL HIM EVERYTHIN' AN' WE CAN GO." He decided yelling was the only way to get this through and eventually, in a truly am-dram style, flopped over on the floor and put his arm on his head. He'd given up. He was just going to pretend to be out cold so he could avoid seeing any more punches, shouting or fighting. He wished he'd not mentioned anything now. This sucked.

"'m callin' Moe an' tellin' him y'fightin' an' he'll yell at both'a ya an' stuff." He warned quietly, cuddling L.C for safety. She could protect him from this idiocy even if she was asleep. Maybe he could just disappear. Or spike himself. Horus got out his phone and waved it menacingly, as if the sheer sight of the phone would cause Zac and Vin to stop fighting and get on with working out their testosterone issues.