Time Warp: Baby Driver

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Circa 2015


Being a parent wasn’t always easy, and Sean was sure that he and Josh were far from perfect. Still, he never regretted their decision to first foster and then adopt Caroline. He had developed such a fondness for her when she was first at Hammel, and he was proud to say that strong connection allowed him to be a father to her. She and Josh had a lot in common in their own way, which allowed him to be a father to her, and Sean truly couldn’t be happier.

Of course, a sixteen-year-old was far different from a thirteen-year-old, particularly one who had been as sheltered and innocent as Caroline had been when she was first at Hammel. There were bumps and scrapes along the way, as was always the case with childrearing. Some were no different from when he had been a teenager, such as eagerness over driving and the general melancholy of trying to have a peer group as an adolescent with all of the hormonal and emotional baggage that came with it. Others were relatively new, byproducts of this modern age.

Like Internet addiction.

He and Josh had nipped that as close to the bud as possible. The end result was that Caroline didn’t have her own computer, but it was for the best, until she had this under control.

For Sean, it was a more hypothetical problem than it was for Josh or Caroline. Of the three of them, the telepath used the computer the least: primarily for research, some communication, and a bit of shopping. He was a bit old-fashioned that way, in that he would rather sit at the kitchen table and do a crossword puzzle than entertain himself online.

[Caroline Mason]

Regardless of her internet restrictions and not having her own machine, Caroline managed to get on Papa Josh's when she had work to do. Work was often cut captioned pictures of baby animals. She never got on without asking, but sometimes things were forgotten.

As was the case when she'd used Papa Josh's profile password and ended up with an open picture of... things she would really have rather not seen. while Caroline was aware that her dads had an active relationship, and that some of her classmates were experimenting as well, she didn't want to be faced with images of things.

Shutting the machine down and retreating to her room far more quickly than Caroline had ever turned a computer off and left its vicinity was, she supposed, a flag. Regardless of her psychiatrist father's abilities, anyone who'd seen her move would know something was up.

Grabbing a book and burying herself into the corner of her bed, the teenager tried to purge her mind of what she'd seen by immersing herself into a world she was both familiar with and fond of.

Thank God for Tamora Peirce.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had been engaged in trying to solve one of the clues which involved references to a book series he had never read and had only heard of due to working at a high school. Then he heard a purely mortified thought (although, fortunately, he didn’t feel the mortification), before seeing a fast movement from the corner of his eye.

They didn’t have a cat who could have been spooked, and the form was far too large to be a pet, even if they had one. It could only be Caroline, since Josh was otherwise occupied. That was confirmed by the sound of a slamming door a couple of moments later.

Concerned for his daughter, and not wanting to pry simply by probing her mind for information, he set aside his crossword puzzle and rose from the table. He didn’t rush, since he didn’t feel the presence of intruders, and that wouldn’t have caused the bewildering mental reaction.

Still, it didn’t take long for him to arrive outside of her bedroom. He knocked lightly on her door, loud enough to be heard but without wanting to make it sound like he was upset or that he thought there was an emergency. “Caroline?” He called, waiting a moment for an answer, before he continued, “May I come in?”

[Caroline Mason]

The gentle knock didn't come as a complete surprise, but for once, Caroline wasn't looking forward to what came next.

"I'm fine! Just reading! Nothing going on here!" She'd confess to the lie later, both to her dad and to her Priest. Already she felt poorly for the words passing her lips, their intent to protect herself from a talk (or having to talk about what she saw) was not a good reason for the action.

Pulling the book higher up so that it would cover her face when the door inevitably opened, Caroline tried to guard her thoughts. It wasn't her specialty, and as such she was pretty terrible at it. If she ever desperate enough to completely block her dad, it meant enduring the pain of shifting into a tiny bug. Not a fun way to 'get away'.

Trying to focus on the words on the page, the teen realized she'd read the same line five or more times already. She was losing her battle.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Her rushed assurances made for an unconvincing lie. Rather, an unconvincing half-truth, because Sean was sure that nothing was going on in her room. Caroline reminded Sean of himself at her age, absent the telepathy that had forced him from his comfort zone prematurely. As such, he was sure that she wasn’t using recreational drugs or committing any sort of crime; he was equally sure that she wasn’t engaged in a self-harming behavior. And, while he wouldn’t care if she was exploring her sexuality (he only wanted her to be safe about it), he also knew that she wasn’t doing that at the moment either.

But the telepath knew that she wasn’t fine. Something was bothering her, and, in turn, that concerned him.

He didn’t knock again, because she knew he was out her; she had engaged with him. But he didn’t want to simply burst into her room, because she hadn’t stopped him from doing so. Her bedroom was her space, and he wanted an invitation before intruding on that space when she was obviously upset. “May I come in?” He asked again. He hoped that he made it plain from the question that he was waiting for permission. Likewise, if she needed a moment to compose herself, she could take it.

[Caroline Mason]

When the request for entry came again, Caroline sank further into her pillows and nodded. Remembering that he couldn't actually see her through both the door and her book, Caroline called out. "Yes." It was small, and uncertain but there was no real reason for her to bar him entrance. She was dressed. She wasn't doing anything wrong. It wasn't as though she'd smuggled a laptop from the school into her room. Not that he would have allowed that since she was pretty positive he would be informed if she tried.

Not that she would try.

But the thought had crossed her mind. There was just something about icanhascheezburger that called to her on an emotional and giggle-worthy level.

Regardless of her agreeing to his entry into a space that was all hers, Caroline remained behind her book. It was a poor attempt to hide the ladybug-red her cheeks had turned.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean waited until he heard her assent. It was soft, and he didn’t have James Campbell’s hearing, but he did make it out. Then, and only then, did he turn the doorknob and push open the door to her room. Unsurprisingly, he found her curled up in bed, almost hiding behind a book. He glanced briefly at the title, from curiosity; he recognized the author because he’d gone book shopping with Caroline numerous times, but he’d never actually read anything by Tamora Pierce.

He knew that the books were not body or sexuality shaming, and that was primarily what he cared about.

The telepath shut the door behind him, to give them privacy; her door had been shut before, and so he would pay her the courtesy of keeping it shut for their conversation. He then moved her desk chair closer to her bed before sitting down. Then he clasped his hands in his lap to show that he wasn’t going to reach for her.

“Something is bothering you,” he pointed out. His voice was gentle, because he certainly wasn’t upset and didn’t want her to think that he was. He was only concerned. “I want to know what it is so we can talk about it.”

[Caroline Mason]

She could hear him moving, the shift of the chair and the slight creak as he leaned forward. While she should have been able to turn a page, but Caroline was still stuck on the same sentence of the third chapter in Trickster's Choice.

As he called her out on something being wrong and wanting to talk about it, Caroline sunk a little further into her pillows. Not much, as there wasn't really anywhere else she could go without just laying down, but a little. "I'd really rather not, dad. Really." Please, the subtext said, please I don't want to know.

Peeking around the side of her book at him, Caroline twitched her lips to the side in a pucker. It was uncomfortable, this situation she found herself in. Eventually she'd have to join the other students for the annual talk, but so far she'd managed to avoid it. She certainly didn't think she wanted a one-on-one, even if her dad was the best person in the world to talk to about such things.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean empathized with her, since there were conversations that no child wanted to have with her parent. From that, he could make a few guesses into the subject matter of what was bothering her, although she should know more considering the fact that she was sixteen. He had always considered the fact that the Talk occurred with seniors to be laughably late, but Hammel policy wasn’t his to change.

And given the reaction, the telepath began to work backward from where she had last been to determine what had bothered her. It couldn’t have been content in the book she was reading, because she wouldn’t have taken it with her into her room, and she wouldn’t use it to hide. She hadn’t been outside, and they didn’t have house guests, so that couldn’t be the cause. It was doubtful that it could have been anything on television, given the hour of the day, and she was better at turning off movies than having purely emotional reactions to them.

Then Sean remembered that she had permission to use the Internet this afternoon, and that she had been on Josh’s laptop. He loved his partner, but he knew that certain small details tended to slip Josh’s mind. Such as remembering to clear his browser history.

And he was quite familiar with some of the websites that Josh visited.

“Did you see something on Papa Josh’s computer?” It had to be asked.

[Caroline Mason]

Flinching when she was asked if she'd seen something on Papa Josh's computer gave the answer without any verbal communication needed. Pulling book back over her face, Caroline closed her eyes as if to clear her memory and vision of the image.

"I did. I'm fine. I don't wanna talk about it. Really. I am oooookay."

She wasn't, but neither did she want to have any sort of discussion involving the image. If they'd planned to cure her of captioned kitten pictures, that was definitely one way to do it. Peeking at her father again, Caroline knew her cheeks were flaming and probably her neck and forehead too.

Thankfully she had learned some level of control over spontaneous shifting under stress.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Despite not being either his or Josh’s biological child, Caroline did share some qualities with each of them. In this moment, the qualities she shared with Josh were most noticeable: embarrassment about this subject, unconvincing lies, and the hope that if she pretended everything was fine, then her discomfort and the real-world situation might disappear.

Unfortunately for her, Sean didn’t subscribe to the same belief about the world. More unfortunate, he had promised years ago not to let Josh get away with that behavior, and he didn’t give his daughter a pass simply for being younger than Josh was.

Particularly not when she had just given him confirmation that this was something that had come from Josh’s computer. Which meant, in a way, this was about him.

Embarrassing, perhaps, if Josh was to find out about it. Sean hoped to have this conversation so that Josh wouldn’t find out about it. The telepath was less embarrassed, but that was the effect of forty-six years of telepathy.

“I know this is embarrassing,” he began, because it was obvious she was embarrassed. But he didn’t want her to grow to avoid this topic, more than the political climate and her religion already implied that she should. “But it’s important for us to put this in context."

[Caroline Mason]

"Nooo! No no! No context! I don't need the context! I don't want the context! I am perfectly okay without the context!" Adamant in this, Caroline shook her head behind the book. "What I would like is a little bit of brain bleach," a term she'd learned from icanhascheezburger, "and some time with my book to just... not deal with it. Please. I'm so very not ready for any conversation this makes you want to have with me."

Because there was nothing to talk about.

Nothing at all.

As much as Caroline probably needed to have that conversation she didn't want it. Sex, for her, was something foreign. She didn't want it, and while she was teased about it, she knew what she was ready for and Father Boe and the Brothers of Boys Town had given her a very good sense of self and a strong self esteem. These things had only been strengthened further by Sean and Josh as well as her improvements over her power.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

This was, unfortunately, a situation where Sean vehemently disagreed with Caroline’s assessment. He certainly understood why she wouldn’t want to have this conversation, and he didn’t fault her for wanting to avoid it, but he also didn’t want to let this slide. He was proud that she had strong boundaries, and that she was positive about most topics. As her father, Sean wanted her to remain that way.

He wanted no negative associations for her future sexuality or sense of self. He wanted no discomfort around either him or Josh because of their relationship or Josh’s proclivities. He wanted Caroline to be happy and comfortable with whatever course her life took.

“I won’t make this take long.” That was as much as he could promise at this moment. Fortunately for her, for the sake of this conversation, and for Josh who wasn’t a party to it, from what the telepath had been able to glean from her, this wasn’t even that peculiar a picture. More than she would find on Sean’s work computer, but far, far less than horrifying.

“But, it’s typical to fantasize, even about things that can’t or won’t happen, or that you don’t even want to actually happen in life.” That was vague enough to apply to almost anything, and Sean hoped that he could get that point across without discussing specifics. It was more than apparent that specifics were unwelcome. “And Papa Josh and I have a very strong relationship.”

[Caroline Mason]

It wasn't so much that the image itself was disturbing. It was, but it was more the shock of it appearing when she THOUGHT she was going to see kittens or otters with funny captions and silly faces. Her addiction. Her escape.

So, when her dad pushed forward into a conversation she really wasn't ready for and didn't want, her book dropped and both hands flew out to forestall his words.

"No! Please! I know you and Papa Josh have a strong, happy relationship. And it's wonderful and I love you both. But I really do not want to talk about this! At all. I promise, I swear that if I have questions and when I'm ready I'll come to you. I just. Not right now. Please, Dad. Please?" She was in such earnest. "I'm happy you and Papa Josh have good, uh, relations. I just... please. Not right now?"

Not ever if she could help it, but not right now seemed like a fair deal. And she had promised that she'd ask questions when she was ready. But she wasn't ready yet.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had given his annual sexual education Talk for twenty-five years. He had seen all manner of reactions: embarrassment, morbid curiosity, boredom, the telltale expressions of students who intended to disrupt the lecture and who experienced varying degrees of success, irritation, interest coupled with copious note-taking, impatience for him to get to the “good stuff”...

But the sheer terror coupled with pleading was not a reaction which Sean was used to witnessing. Certainly not from someone he loved. As such, Caroline’s reaction gave him pause.

He considered this a necessary conversation, and his instinct was to pursue it. After reestablishing his relationship with Josh, Sean had adopted a more proactive approach to discussions about painful topics. He found that the momentary discomfort paled in comparison to the benefits reaped in the long-term by tackling the subject head-on and not allowing issues to fester.

Still, he didn’t want his daughter to be uncomfortable around him; the pleading tone and rushed bargaining was enough to make him reconsider this approach.

Not enough to put it off until she came to him, but enough to put it off for today.

“We both love you,” the telepath replied automatically. Returning verbal expressions of love was second-nature to him, and they were always since.

He was also glad that she was comfortable with the fact that they were intimate, as comfortable as a teenager could be. He didn’t want to rub that in her face, particularly not given the background of this conversation. As such, he grew momentarily silent, weighing the offer she had made. Finally, he said, “We don’t have to have this conversation today, but we do have to have it later.”