Maybe it's a dream ... (Orion)

[Orion Urswick]

Orion listened quietly as Lei spoke, feeling more sad by the moment as the student explained what had happened with his past lover. Apparently the boy had wanted to die, but had been too afraid, or too uncertain to do it himself. It was an absolutely horrid, selfish thing for him to have done to Lei, and Orion couldn't help but lay a hand on the boy's shuddering shoulder. "I don't know why he did," Orion replied, his own voice hoarse from unshed tears. "That was a very cruel and selfish thing for him to ask, and I am so, so sorry he took advantage of your ability for him to do such a thing." He went quiet again, his lips pressing together in a harsh line. If he said anything else on the matter, it would be extremely harsh, and he didn't want to say those things to Lei. It was obvious he was still heartbroken over it.

He retracted his had as Lei went quieter again. "No matter how strong someone is, the most difficult thing for us to do is to separate ourselves from those we love," he sighed. "That is why death is so hard - it does the thing that we cannot. It removes people from out lives that we otherwise would have kept close." A tear dripped from his eye. "I know you did, Lei," he murmured. "It was beyond your control. It wasn't fair for him to ask you of such things."

Orion chuckled drily. "Aye, that's where I get this accent from," he replied. He smiled gently over at Lei. "I'm glad they didn't either, otherwise I never would have been able to do and see so much. And I wouldn't have been able to meet so many students so full of potential like yourself," he added kindly. "If you surround yourself with people that make you happy, then you will be. And just keep training as much as you can - the more you do, the better control you will get."

Orion nodded his head, a spark of admiration showing in his eyes. "Those are wonderful things to wish for, Lei. You're wise for your age." This student was constantly surprising him. "I do think they can, if you create positive, fond memories. They will never erase the old, but they can change who you are. So don't worry about forgetting the old if it hinders you to make new ones." He made a sound of recognition. "Ah, yes, I know Cameron. He's in one of my classes. He's an... Interesting lad," he chuckled lightly. The other name he knew well. "If you mean Juniper Birdsong, I know her too. She's in my Astrology Club. Very sweet girl, full of good things and happiness. If you want to be happy, well, it's pretty much impossible to not be around her," he laughed. "I know what you mean. She's just like a bottle of sunshine you want to keep in your pocket for a rainy day."

"I wouldn't worry about that," Orion murmured. "There is no sense is stressing over something that most likely won't occur." He continued rubbing his hand on the student's back, doing his best to soothe him. "I know the dorms aren't the most comfortable of places," he agreed a bit sadly. "But Hammel is your home now, I suppose, so I'm sure it will get better eventually. It helps to have friends over as much as possible, if you feel lonely."

[Leiken Chu]

Lei shook his head a bit, "it's not his fault. It's mine. I could have ran away angry. i could have let him beat me until he gave up, but i didn't. I let my ability take hold of him. I let it kill him. I felt his heart litterally explode because of me." he stated looking at his own hands as if he could still feel and see the blood that had stained them while he shook the other man after the fact. Trying to revive him, to fix it, but it had been far to late.

Lei looked up toward orion as he spoke, he noticed that tear sliding from his eye and he suddenly felt an overwhelming amount of guilt, he'd mad Orion sad in the process of sulking in his own self guilt. Lei reached a hand to the man's face, wiping the tear from his cheek, giving him a weak smile. "I'm sorry. Look what i've done. I'm making you sad too. "

Though he mused over the other man's accent, so that explained it, it made him intrigued. He wanted to know what it was like there to be honeset. "F..full of potential?" he questioned with a little surprise to his voice. "hm.." he thought on those word. Then spoke softly, "If that's true then, can I keep you around, because i'm happy when I talk to you." He added with a weak smile despite himself.

"Wise?" he stated giving a pained expression. "If that's true then why do i do so many stupid things that get myself and other's hurt? If.. if i were you i'd be running away. I'm walking bad luck you know." he warned Orion with a weak smile. "I did something horrible to cam already. I don't think he'll ever be comfortable around me.. And .. and juni.. she's so sweet and innocent.. I am afraid i'll hurt her to .The .. the fact that she likes me makes me.. scared." He admitted. "I want to be happy, but i am afraid of bringing harm to her. " he admitted. "It's true." he admitted with a small laugh to Orion's description of the princess.

"how can you be so sure it won't?" he stated with a sad sigh. The rub to his back was soothing, it made him lean into Orion, closing his eyes slightly. "That doesn't really make it better though. Especially when all of them are going to their homes for the holiday break and here I am. Without a home to go to. Without anything special to do but stare at a lizard who hates my guts." he assumed of that lizard pet of junipers.

[Orion Urswick]

Orion couldn't believe that someone as young as Lei had had to be a part of something so terrible. And no matter what he said, the teacher knew he couldn't stop the student from thinking it was his fault. "It still wasn't right of him to ask you of those things, especially in such a manner," he replied calmly. "You are not entirely to blame."

Orion hadn't really noticed the tear until Lei was brushing it off of his face. He gave a small laugh, wiping at his eyes. "No, I'm sorry. I just feel for you, I didn't mean to show it." He wasn't really a crying type, so the tear sort of startled him. Maybe it was because the boy was making him think about Sophie. Sure, he hadn't killed her, but he still could have been more adamant about getting her in to see doctors before it was too late.

"Yes," he replied simply, smiling gently. "You definitely have much potential." He could say that about nearly any student, but Lei had such raw, pure emotion, it only helped the fact. Orion laughed quietly as he spoke again, placing a friendly (but cautious) hand on Lei's shoulder. "Of course you can. I'm glad that I make you happy - it means I'm doing my job right." Well, technically his job was teaching, but he was also there for students to talk to whenever they needed to.

"Even wise people make stupid mistakes," he replied softly, then let out a small laugh. "Hell, I make mistakes all the time, and I'm nearly fifty. What's my excuse? The wisdom comes from learning from those mistakes." He shrugged. "Eh, I'm not too worried. Bad luck has a habit of following me anyway." He looked over as Lei spoke again, smiling lightly. "I'm sure Cam will get over it - he's a very forgiving sort." He didn't know what exactly had happened, but he thought it would probably be fine. "Ah, Juniper," he breathed. "She likes you, eh?" he asked with a raise of his eyebrows and a grin. "Wow. Well, whatever you choose, I just ask that you try not to break her heart. She's a very dreamy person, and I'd rather not see her lose her awe of the world if it can be helped. There aren't too many people with such pure hearts these days."

I can't, Orion wanted to say. He really couldn't be absolutely certain. But he had a pretty good feeling that he would be right, no matter how bad things had gotten. "Because I have faith," he murmured back. He made a sympathetic sound as Lei spoke, an idea occurring to him then. "Well, you're free to spend the day with me," he replied. "I was just going to stay home and do some research, but I would love to have something better to do."

[Leiken Chu]

Leiken shook his head slightly, "Maybe not entirely, but most of it is still my own doing. I could have prevented it somehow. I just .. i just know it. " he stated in a shaken tone. Leiken seemed far to used to taking all the blame for what he'd done to his past lover. How could he have killed someone that he loved so deeply even if the love was not truly returned.

"I'm sorry. " he stated as tears built up in his own eyes. Seeing the other man's tears made him feel like he had said too much. Like had had made orion think to deeply into thoughts he didn't usually surface. Especially with all he'd been telling him of his wife. Leiken shifted to sit up a bit, wrapping his arms around Orion's shoulders, hugging him tight to his chest. Maybe it was awkward given their size difference, but Lei wanted to comfort the man somehow. Lei rested his head against Orion's as he spoke to him softly. "It's okay to show how you feel, Stargazer. At least to me. I won't judge you." He assured the man. Patting his back gently.

Lei would make an awkward sound to those words about how much potential he had. "I hope you're right." he murmured. Looking toward the nearby window. Though he sighed heavily, "Even without it being your job... i still believe you would be there. I believe it's just who you are." he murmured. "I hope...That I can still talk with you after I graduate too." Lei smiled weakly. Perhaps those words were his way of telling Orion that he would work hard. That he would strive to be able to graduate. No matter what.

Lei made a surprised sound again, not because of the fact the other man made mistakes too, everyone did. However, it was because he hadn't really let it sink in how far their age gap was. The man certainly didn't seem as old as he was. That was for sure. "I suppose you're right, but wow... you're nearly fifty? I always expected someone that age to be white haired and wrinkled." he stated pinching his own cheek a bit. "l-lookin' good stargazer." he jested with a soft laugh. Wiping at his own eyes with his own sleeve. "I hope so. He's a really great guy. " he murmured. Leaving that at that. No need to tell him how hot he thought cam was as if it was hard to see.

Lei's face flushed a bit, "I-i think so. She said 'I like you' but maybe she meant as a friendd? I-I don't really know. I just--don't want to risk hurting her with my ability by accident. y-know? She's really pure and gentle she's everything I'm not." he stated to the older man. Though lei's expression saddened with Orion's plea. He sank a little into himself as he lost that small smile upon those lips, "That is exactly why I can't accept her feelings. I don't want to dim her light if I were to do something stupid or if I hurt her. I could never...ever forgive myself." he stated with a choked-up tone.

"faith? I am glad you believe in me." he repeated as he sank against the other man's body, half curling up agaisnt him, as if he were trying to shell himself in the wall of comfort that Orion provided. To hide away from all the pain. Though his own thoughts were disrupted by the offer to spend the day with Orion. His cheeks drew that color to them, that familiar pink hue, "I would like that alot actually. " Leiken smiled somewhat, he couldn't help it, "What will we do that day?" he questioned curiously.

[Orion Urswick]

Orion understood self-blame enough to know he couldn't help by saying anything more. So he just gave the boy a sad, sympathetic look.

"No, don't be," he replied with a dry chuckle. "It's good to get it out every once in a while." He couldn't remember the last time he had cried. The hug surprised him, but he allowed the student to pull him close, and unexpectedly, more tears dripped down his own face. He didn't make a sound, but the emotion was there. He gave another small, hiccuping laugh. "Thanks, Lei," he replied quietly. He usually hid his sadness behind a mask of positivity, but Lei was slowly breaking him down. he wasn't sure how to feel about that.

Orion nodded slightly at Lei's words. It was true, he cared for the student beyond what should be a professional level. Perhaps it was because he had never really planned on being a teacher. He saw his students more like friends than students anyway. "You absolutely can," he told him with a smile. "As long as I'm still kicking, you can talk to me as long as you'd like." He believed that Lei would do his very best.

Lei's next words made him pause for a moment before breaking into loud laughter that echoed around the room. "Aye, forty-eight, forty-nine in February," he told him, letting out a sigh. Although he snorted and chuckled again at what the student said. "Why thanks, I have a regular skin and hair routine I used every morning," he replied airily, obviously joking, as he lifted his hands to press on the slightly stubbly skin of his lower face. "I'm glad to see it shows."

"Hmmm," he mused, unsure if he should give his opinion or not. He really didn't understand the hearts of young girls, and didn't like to pretend he did. "Well, whatever the case, I think she'd be good for you to keep around," he replied. "If nothing else for a optimistic friend to turn to when you need comfort." He hadn't meant to make Lei sad, though, and quickly added,"Oh, no, Lei, that's... That's not what I meant. I don't think anyone can dim her light, not without trying quite hard. No, I meant that you shouldn't break her heart by keeping yourself separate from her if she really cares about you like that. She lives to help people, like we live off of air." That, at least, he had gathered from the young woman.

He smiled faintly, rubbing the boy's shoulder as he curled against him. He was really just a scared child inside, looking for someone to love. It made Orion's heart ache. "What will we do?" he repeated, pulling Leiken to his feet as he stood with a flourish, his familiar grin back in place. "We will do whatever the hell we want."

[Leiken Chu]

Lei's self blame was building up to a point that he didn't know how much more he could take. All that he had done, all that he was still doing, and all he waas trying to avoid began to pile up upon him lately. Smothering him down into a pit of despair that seemed almost as if he could not claw his way back out.

"Is it? I've been...doing that alot lately I sometimes wonder if it will ever stop. If it's even worth trying to make it stop. " he murmured. He hugged the other man a little tighter when he felt the warmth of the moisture upon him because of Orion's tears. He closed his eyes for a moment as he held him protectively in his arms. Something within him just wanted to keep that man safe. To keep him away from the pain they both knew far to well, "You don't have to thank me for caring." he murmured. "Seeing you sad just makes me want to hug your tears away." he admitted.

Lei smiled a bit when Orion told Lei that he could speak to him anytime he likes. Lei didn't mind that thought at all, in fact, it warmed his heart. "I'll have to become a scientist so i can invent some way to make sure you're always around." He joked with a soft laugh. He couldn't imagine the night's sky without Orion in it.

Though the loud laughter seemed to surprise him almost more than the other man's age, "Februrary? What day?" He questioned curiously. Though the thought of the other man being that much older than him had never occured to him. Orion certainly looked good for his age. Though lei laughed softly to the other man's joke, "It does show you handsome devil you. I hope i look that good when i'm your age." he teased jokingly. Giving him a grin to show such.

"That's just it though." he would state as his expression saddened again. "If I do keep her around. I'll end up hurting her. She's so fragile, like glass, i'm afraid of shattering her. " he stated as he seemed to shrink a little int ohimself. He nodded faintly as he rocked his own legs a bit, thumping his knees together, seemingly thoughtful as he did so. "I dont want to make her sad Orion, but if she keeps around me it's going to end up worse for her in the long run. I could never forgive myself if i brought her harm." he stated once again.

Lei enjoyed the comforting shoulder rub until the moment it was taken away by the other man standing and he did as well in similar stride. "O-okay! Whatever the hell we want!" he stated with a soft laugh. His hand raising to rub at his eyes a bit. "Thank you, for being here for me, I really mean it. " he stated toward the man with a gentle smile beneath that rubbing hand's shadow. He looked up to the taller man then, "I look forward to it. "

[Orion Urswick]

"Mm. It's good to get it out every once and a while, but letting the pain take over your life is not," Orion murmured. "Even if you have to pretend. Eventually, you'll realize you don't have to pretend so much anymore." Orion still did pretend most of the time, really, but it had slowly gotten better over the years. "You're kind," he laughed quietly. "Most people don't want to see an old man cry." He continued to let the boy console him.

Orion chuckled at Lei's words. "Ach, I don't know if I want to live that long," he replied quietly. "We all have our time." He wasn't planning on dying anytime soon, but he knew it was inevitable, and the thought didn't scare him as it used to. He knew there was something beyond death. There had to be.

"February tenth," he answered with a smile. He continued to laugh at Lei's words. "You flatter me so. I'm sure you'll be a handsome devil at nearly fifty, too." He couldn't help but think about how much Sophie would be teasing him if she could hear this conversation. Heck, Estelle would be, too.

"I would have more confidence in yourself," he murmured. "If you really care about her that much, then I believe you would be able to stop yourself from harming her." He couldn't be certain, especially given Lei's past, but he had to think that Lei would learn more control since then. "Just be yourself, and stay calm, and everything will work out," he said with confidence.

He grinned at Lei's enthusiasm. "That's the spirit." Orion wiped at his own eyes for a brief moment before letting out a yawn. "Of course," he replied, returning the smile. "If you ever need anyone to talk to, don't be afraid to find me. I'm always here to help." He let Lei's hands drop from his own. "I do as well. But for now, I think I need to go rest my old bones. I'm not as young and energetic as I used to be." He began to turn, giving a friendly wave. "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

[Leiken Chu]

Lei brushed his cheek gently to Orion's as he hugged him tight to his body. He gave the man a gentle squeeze as he spoke, "I hope that i don't have to always pretend i'm alright. I hope that it does fade for me. I don't know if i can go on forever feeling the way i do." he murmured as he curled his fingertips slightly where the rested.

"Then I'll become a wizard so that when you part this world i can turn you into stars and place you in the sky. " He stated with a slight sadness to his tone. Lei was not afraid of dying, death had become close to him for far to long, but the thought of not knowing what happens after that point terrified him sometimes.


"february tenth." he would have to remember that. He repeated it again to himself so that he would rememember that date easier. "Nah. I'm not trying to flatter you. I'm just telling the truth. " he stated with a small smile. Though his cheeks drew faint color to them once again to his works. "Me? no way. I'll probably end up looking like a hobo." he stated rubbing his chin a bit as if he imagined his facial hair had grown into some sort of a beard. Though he chuckled slightly at the thought.

"I'm trying, but it's hard to." he added. "staying calm, for me, is easier said than done Stargazer. Even getting too much exercise seems to make my ability activate. I mean i can't even-- when i was with tak-- i even hurt her on accident because of --yeah." he muttered in an embarrassed tone.

As his hands were released and the older man said he was going to rest Lei nodded slightly, hugging his own arms a bit, "Okay, sleep well, Stargazer. Thank you again." Lei smiled faintly despite having alot to think about.