Into the lion's den [Sean]

[Levi Xu]

Levi had managed to avoid seeing Dr. Neville for well over a year, now closer to two. The night Jake had left him at Hammel with Mr. Tonaya, someone had recommended that he visit the school shrink. He'd shrugged at the time and considered it, until the first time he'd passed the doctor in the hall and someone had told him who it was. Then he'd done everything in his power to get out of seeing him. Going to one of the other counselors, insisting that he was doing just fine with his IEP and didn't need to talk, insisting that he was just joking and not delusional, and sometimes straight-out not showing up when he was scheduled to be there. (He was friends with Sammy Rixon. He knew most of the school's hiding places.)

He still didn't understand why the school would hire a lion as a psychiatrist. Particularly a divine one. Well, he understood it, because Dr. N was omnipotent and everything, but Levi was pretty sure that was cheating when you're supposes to be diagnosing someone. And he knew what was wrong with him. He didn't need a shrink for that.

Levi glared at the security guard who had escorted him to Dr. Neville's office to ensure that he actually arrived on time. He'd considered running, but seeing how it was a kangaroo the guard was probably faster than him and it would only result in him getting in more trouble before he had to go anyway.

It wasn't fair.

When it was finally time for his appointment, Levi trudged into the office and stood across the room from where the lion sat. The student closed his eyes and tried to focus. First on keeping his mind locked down, just like Mr. Underwood had taught him. Then on trying not to look terrified. He wasn't sure if the latter was working.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean was aware of Levi Xu. It was impossible for the psychiatrist not to be aware of the boy, given his history before Hammel. Gabriel Underwood had interfered before he had arrived safely, and he had been smuggled in to Morgan through Jacob Lawrence, before the kidnapping and the events of that terrible day. There had been so much for the boy to adjust to. Other people gave the boy sidelong because of his behavior and some of his comments; rumors about some of his delusions abounded.

Since then, he had been humiliated publically due to the invasion of privacy prior to, and revealed during, his 2011 sexual education seminar. Family problems had resulted, as well as had more rumors. Levi had asked questions of him about his relationship.

Sean had wanted to have a session with him for a while; he thought it was in Levi’s best interest. But the boy hadn’t shown up to previous sessions, and since they didn’t involve discipline or potential harm to himself, the psychiatrist hadn’t called the security department to retrieve Levi from his hiding spot and bring him under escort to his office.

Rather, he had waited the boy out.

That proved a mildly effective strategy. Levi did actually arrive this time, although security had also been involved. It was a draw in that regard.

When the boy entered his office, Sean offered him a smile, intent to show that he meant him no harm. However, it was apparent even to a second-year psychology student that Levi was uncomfortable, more than that, terrified.

It would be a long session. They would have to work through whatever rumors he had heard, whatever Gabriel Underwood might have told him, and Levi’s other apprehensions.

Such was his job.

“Can I get you anything to make you more comfortable? I have cupcakes.”

[Levi Xu]

Levi stayed on the other side of the office, his arms crossed across his chest and not meeting the psychiatrist's eyes. After his power had manifested, his dad had made him see a shrink a few days a week, before he'd been put into the hospital. Then it had been every day, talking to the doctor who had killed himself as a teenager. It hadn't helped then, and Levi certainly didn't think it was going to help now.

"No thank you. I'm not hungry." It wasn't exactly a lie; he had eaten lunch before he'd come to the session. And mostly, he didn't want to get any closer to the psychiatrist. He should have looked up how fast lions could jump. If it was faster than what it took to get out the door, he was screwed either way.

For another minute, he waited, concentrating on keeping his thoughts locked down tight. Dr. N probably knew everything anyway, but he wasn't going to let Jake get in trouble for coming back, even if Levi hadn't seen him in ages. Finally, when he was sure he could keep his own thoughts in check, he spoke up again. "How long do I need to stay here? Can't I just go? I'm not crazy, and I'm not going to hurt anyone."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“Should you change your mind, they’re plentiful,” Sean replied, and that was the last that he would say on the matter. While he was fond of Josh’s cupcakes, fond enough to bring them to work with him to share with others, he wouldn’t force them on anyone.

Besides, there were more pressing concerns with Levi, ones that couldn’t be solved with baked goods.

The fact that the young man was shielding heavily, for instance. The psychiatrist could probe, but that would erode any hope of establishing trust between them. Additionally, there was no reason for it. As Levi said, this wasn’t a matter of preventing harm, and it wasn’t a disciplinary session.

“I’d prefer if we didn’t use the word ‘crazy,’” Sean remarked. His tone remained gentle, but he was serious in making this request. It was a request he made of all students and staff when discussing psychiatric illness with him. He didn’t care for the term. “It’s unnecessarily pejorative.”

He paused briefly before discussing the matter at hand. He kept his gaze on the young man, as he continued, “That said, I don’t believe that you would harm anyone. However, I think that you would benefit from talking to me, and that this conversation is long overdue.”

[Levi Xu]

Levi nodded slightly. He was fine with not using the word crazy because he wasn't. But he was used to hearing it. For the past few years, even once he got to Hammel, he'd heard it.

"If you don't think I'm crazy, and you don't think I'm going to hurt someone, why am I here? I'm even doing better with my grades this year!" That was stretching the truth a little, but it at least looked like he was going to pass sophomore year on the first try.

He looked around the office again, then slowly approached the lion's desk. Dr. N had already had time to attack him, and really, Levi knew he wouldn't be able to outrun him. Maybe if he cooperated, he wouldn't have to come back for any more sessions. Levi finally sat down in the chair across the desk, and crossed his arms again. "I'm sorry, but I don't think I need a psychiatrist."

At least since the summer, he hadn't been a disturbance. (Though he and Sam had spent a few weeks in detention for breaking into the announcements room back in June.) With Evan gone, he'd made a few new acquaintances--he hesitated to call them friends yet, but they certainly had the potential. All in all, he was finally reaching the point where he might start being considered well-adjusted.

That thought comforted him as he stared across the desk at the lion psychiatrist.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean listened patiently while Levi pled his case for not requiring sessions with him, implicit in that was the argument that the meeting should come to an immediate end. While the psychiatrist had no intention of granting that request, he listened, allowing the boy to say his piece without interruption.

Only when Levi had finished did he speak. “I’m glad to hear that your grades are improving. I’m also sure that you don’t think you need a psychiatrist. But to repeat what I said a moment ago, I think you would benefit from having someone to talk to, and that’s why you’re in this office right now.”

He met Levi’s gaze steadily, and he clasped his hands before him on the desk. His voice as gentle as he continued, “There’s a lot for us to talk about. We could talk about Evan and how you’re coping with the separation. We could talk about Evan and whether you think he’d want some resources I found for him, based on the question you asked me at the seminar a few months back. We could talk about vampires.”

He was familiar with the impression that Levi had of Sam, which was why he carefully added that to the list. It provided a jumping point to discuss the boy’s perceptions and beliefs without making an outright accusation.

“Or we can discuss where you learned to shield that way.”

[Levi Xu]

Levi blushed hard and looked down. That summer he'd mentally asked some pretty mortifying questions at the sex ed lecture, but he'd only done it because he didn't want to trust the Internet with anything involving Evan's mental health. Naturally, he had no intention of discussing anything involving his relationship with the lion, particularly nothing about that.

Dr. Neville's further suggestions only made Levi even more uncomfortable. He fidgeted in his seat and uncrossed his arms, only to shove his hands deep into the pockets of his hoodie. The mention of vampires didn't make him think of Sam--though he didn't know how well-known his belief in Sam's status as undead was--it made him think of Mr. Underwood. The last possible topic was just confirmation. Lying about being homeschooled wasn't going to fool the lion.

Levi swallowed a few times, still trying not to look like mouse cornered by a.... giant cat. He'd rather talk about his boyfriend not being able to get it up in bed than talk about his time with Mr. Underwood and what he'd learned.

"I'm okay with Evan not being around. He's probably going to some big school next year because he won't need to be in physical therapy so much anymore. So I'm getting used to him not being around."

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean didn’t consider any of the sincere questions asked prior to, or during, his annual sexual education seminar mortifying. Legitimate questions needed to be asked, and the psychiatrist’s job was to answer them in a thorough and non-judgmental way. He didn’t want the students to learn from the Internet, which was full of faulty information, or from mainstream pornography, which had little basis in reality.

However, he wouldn’t give unsolicited sex advice during this discussion. That hadn’t been his purpose in bringing Levi to his office.

Levi did take some of the bait for discussion, although it was about his relationship rather than the heavier topics that Sean wanted to tackle. Evan was a fair first segue into heavier discussion while establishing a rapport and simultaneously giving Levi an outlet if he chose to use it.

“Have you discussed his plans for college next year? You say he’s probably going to go, but did he say that outright?” There was a difference between a concrete plan and an assumption based on expectations.

“And how are your other friends? Sam has a job this semester, so that must cut into hanging out a bit.” For which several members of the faculty were grateful. Sam wasn’t as bad as Vincent, but having him off campus was a reprieve nonetheless.

[Levi Xu]

"He's going to go. We haven't really talked about it, but he will. He wants to go to Cornell for Architecture." Levi said, sullenly. The older boy had been accepted to every school he'd applied to the year before, but had lost his arm before he'd known that. Evan had mentioned how his advisor at Greenview was sure things would transfer just fine because it wasn't his fault he didn't start like a normal freshman. But they hadn't had the conversation about exactly what would happen then. "He's not going to break up with me when he goes though. We'll call each other every day."

Levi was slowly settling back into the chair, though he obviously wasn't comfortable there. But at least the doctor wasn't asking about Mr. Underwood anymore. He could deal with this, and run out the clock on their meeting. "They're okay. Sam's kinda been a dick since he stopped smoking. But I've been hanging out with my roommates and stuff too. Other people."

His first few months at Hammel, he'd glommed onto Evan and Sam, and had rarely been seen away from them outside of classes. He'd met his boyfriend before starting at Hammel, so he'd been relieved to see the superhero at the school as well. And Sam had simply adopted him as someone gullible to have fun with. They'd looked out for him. But even Sam was going to graduate eventually, and he was going to be on his own. "Did you have a lot of friends in school?"

Levi assumed not. He probably scared people away.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean’s expression was sympathetic. “Being separated is difficult,” he said. He might be in his mid-fifties, but he remembered quite clearly what it was like to be young and in love. He remembered what it was like to be younger and in a relationship, faced with the knowledge that they would be separated by hundreds of miles due to college. He and Maggie had gone their separate ways as a result of that. “But having the resolve to stay together will make it easier. Technology is on your side too, with the Internet and cell phones.”

The psychiatrist then nodded his head. “Withdrawal has never been pleasant, and it never will be. But if he can beat this, he’ll be better off.” Addiction was problematic for a reason, for several reasons. “But if he takes it out on you, you have the right to tell him to knock it off.”

Branching out from his former peer circle was for the best, given his immediate peer circle. “Who have you been hanging out with recently?”

Of course, the conversation turned towards his past, which was a complicated topic. He was typically willing to answer questions about his past, within reason, and Levi was equally privy if he wished. However, he had to ask a clarification question. “Do you mean in college? Or when I was at Hammel?”

[Levi Xu]

Levi dropped his head and fiddled with the strings on the hood of his sweatshirt. He hadn't wanted to talk about Evan at all, and though it was better than other things, thinking about the older boy leaving made him want to go hide in Sam's room and eat junk food. Or even better, sign himself out for the weekend and crash at Evan's apartment. (Of course, he wasn't allowed to actually do that without his father's consent, and that wasn't going to happen.) "I miss him already."

That was more honest than Levi was ready to be at the moment, so he played with the strings on his shirt for a long time before responding to Dr. N's further questions. "Neila and Adrian, my roommates. And some of their friends who they invite over. We played truth or dare a few weeks ago with a bunch of people." He figured most people at the school had heard about that little escapade by now. After all, it had resulted in Noam writing a love letter to his trainer and posting it on the school's bulletin board.

Though Levi had only asked to get the conversation off of himself, he actually was really interested in whether the lion had friends as a student himself. If he hadn't....well, Levi could sympathize. People weren't afraid of him though. They just thought he was weird or stupid. "Hammel. Were other people your age scared of you?"

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“It’s difficult,” Sean repeated. He wouldn’t patronize Levi by telling him that separation would test their relationship and make them stronger in that way that adversity bred character. He considered that to be idle chatter, ultimately worthless as it provided no insight and provided little to no comfort to those on the receiving end of such comments. “You should make the most of the rest of the year,” he suggested.

The psychiatrist then nodded his comprehension. He had heard about the game of Truth or Dare, which was, in retrospect, precisely what could have been predicted given the students and location involved. The letter had been taken down, but it had been seen. And after Brendan’s relationship with Vincent last year, the faculty was a bit warier. “I heard about that game. From what I heard, it got a bit wild.”

Levi cut to the heart of the matter far more quickly than many of the other students who asked similar questions had in the past. For that, the psychiatrist would return the favor with an equally direct response. “They were.” Sean spread his hands in front of him, coupled that with a rueful upturn of the corner of his mouth. “Although I wish it wasn’t so, teenagers have been similar for as long as we’ve had adolescence.”

He then folded his hands on his desk again. “People can be a bit quick to judge others for their powers.”

The psychiatrist knew that Levi was aware of that.

[Levi Xu]

"No it wasn't. It was harmless." Levi's frown went a little harder. The truth or dare game had been goofy, but none of the dares had been malicious, and none of the truths had been cruel. He didn't think that the love letter was a problem, because it was obviously a joke. He wasn't sure if anyone knew that he'd been the one to dare Noam to write the letter. If they did, that meant Dr. N did too.

No matter what he did, people thought he was trouble. That was probably why he had been called in. They were probably going to call his dad about that too.

He was quiet again for a long moment after Dr. Neville answered. He had a lot more questions about what it had been like to be a cub at Hammel, but he'd been struck how unfair it was. An omnipotent lion was terrifying, but it had to have been lonely as well. "What did you do about it?"

"I hate it. Especially when completely normal people are like, 'What do you think I am?' Like it's some big joke or I know things on purpose." Levi mostly tried to ignore the students who mocked him, because that's what he'd been taught. He'd "ignore" it all day, then go and eat junk food with Sam and bullshit until he felt better, or visit Evan and fall asleep on his couch while the older boy studied. If it bothered him, then it meant "they" won, and he was weak for letting them.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean didn’t want to focus on that particular dare with the love letter, primarily because the faculty had done what it could to minimize news of Brendan and Vincent, for what good that had done. But as a result, it wasn’t a topic for discussion, and he couldn’t get into specifics of why he considered that to be out of hand. “I’m sure it was meant in good fun,” he said, and then he changed the subject to adjusting at Hammel as an outsider.

The psychiatrist shrugged mildly at the question. “I read a lot: the entire works of Vonnegut, most of Asimov, Bradbury and Heinlein. Dickens, Willa Cather, Sinclair Lewis, T.H. White...the list goes on.” Reading had been a way of passing the time, when he wasn’t in class or spending time with Robert, or going to church or in bed with a paralyzing migraine. “I also watched M*A*S*H, once it premiered.”

That had taken a couple of years, since the original movie had been released the first summer after he attended Hammel. But then new episodes of the show had become a custom, something to which he could look forward every week.

Sean sympathized with Levi in his descriptions of how the other students treated him because of his perception. That was something that he wanted to work with the boy on, either finding a root cause or helping him to discern between his impressions and reality. But that wasn’t a matter for mockery and it certainly wasn’t a matter for bullying. “You are normal,” he said first, because he wanted to make that point.

He disliked the word ‘crazy’ for several reasons, but he also disliked the juxtaposition of ‘normal’ and ‘weird’ as a means of judging others.

“And nobody should do that to you. There’s nothing funny about it, and you shouldn’t be humiliated for it.”

[Levi Xu]

"I don't really like to read. Except comics." When he was little, Levi had read a lot. But once the books started getting longer and the text smaller, he'd had difficulty following the words across the page. Now he mostly just read his comics. His school books were all on his computer so he could listen to the screen reader, and the rare times he went to the library, he picked up audiobooks so he could just listen. It was easier than struggling with the text.

Levi sighed and rolled his eyes. He tried to convince himself of that all the time, but it still sounded trite coming from the doctor. (It sounded trite even coming from Evan, but it was reassuring anyway when he said it.) "I'm not though, am I? I'm not normal, even for a meta kid. I just know things that sometimes aren't true."

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and checked the time. He wasn't going to be obnoxious and use it, but he didn't have a watch. Not that it helped much, because he didn't know how long he'd have to be there.