Give Me a Reason to Believe (Callie)

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah pulled her over to the solid ground and sat beside her to remove his own skates and replace them with his shoes. He was dreading this whole story. It was a long one, something that had gotten progressively worse over time and it wasn't exactly getting better any time soon. How could he describe it to her without making himself out to be pathetic? He didn't want her to feel sorry for him or pity him. She was asking to know him and that's all he was doing was letting her in. He didn't need her sympathy, he just needed her acceptance at this point.

Once his shoes were back on, he leaned back on his elbows and looked up at the sky. After she spoke, he glanced back at her and returned the smile, but his was only really one side of his mouth tilted up slightly higher than the other side. Having her there to listen was comforting and her positive attitude gave him a little more motivation, but he was still weary of the whole situation. How to start?

He decided on the beginning.

"Alright, well let's start with the basis. My father is a nobleman back in Romania. He inherited the responsibilities his father had before him. My mother was the daughter of a rival nobleman. In order for the two to merge well together and work as one unit, they decided on an arranged marriage," He began. Luc's eyebrows pushed together as he explained, "Now arranged marriages are old school Romanian custom, but there are some parts in my country that still practice those sorts of things. Where I'm from, well it's pretty ancient civilization there. We live like typical rich people, but go with the old customs.

"My parents got married when they were young, another thing that was typical of our customs. My father had just turned eighteen and my mother, Jessamine was seventeen. You know what they say about arranged marriages? About how there's always that possibility of really falling in love with the person you get stuck with? Well that's sort of true, my father fell head over heels for my mother. Unfortunately for him, she didn't feel the same way." Lucah chewed on the inside of his cheek momentarily, taking a break in case she had any questions. This next part was where he came in and it was when things started getting messy.

[Calliope Gallo]

Callie readied herself to listen to the story given to her. At first it sounded somewhat... enthralling. Romanticism in her mind, but she knew that wasn't what she was supposed to dwell on. Then she had a brief thought that Lucah might be tangled up in an arranged marriage in the future; she really didn't want to have to compete with another person. But then again, he was here, wasn't he? Did he denounce everything completely? She mentally shook her head.

She was supposed to be listening.

The thought that Lucah was coming from a marriage of one sided love was difficult for Calliope to picture. Her parents were perfect together. Her understandings of a world outside her own were completely limited by the near-perfect upbringing she had been privy to. "That's terrible." She admitted, sitting up beside him and hugging her knees to her chest. She looked over at him, questionless and yet imploring him to continue.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Giving a slight nod at her comment, he rubbed the back of his neck. It was horrible and that was part of the reason he'd left Vasilisa and the marriage he'd had put together for himself. It had been a year or so since he cut off the ties and Dimitri had been infuriated. Of course Dimitri had taken it as a personal hit, and that was not how Lucah had intended it. But that was later on in the story and he would explain it further when the time came, so he focused back on the next part of the story. His birth.

Clearing his throat again, he started talking once more. "It was about a year or so after they got married, my mom was eighteen and my dad was nineteen, that I was born. It wasn't really a surprise to them since they had consummated their marriage on their honeymoon, but they hadn't expected it to happen so soon," He said quietly. "I was a mama's boy as you call it here. I had her wrapped around my finger the moment I was born. All the love that she didn't have for my father, it was like she kept all of it for me and my father hated it. He grew so jealous that the older I got the more cruel he was. And the more cruel he was, the more my mother hated him."

One would think that since she hated him so much, they'd have stopped having sex. That wasn't really the case though. "Despite how crazy they made each other, my mother sort of used his feelings against him because she wanted another child. My father was willing of course and when I was about five or so that was when my mom got pregnant with my sister. Once they figured out it was a girl, both of them actually got excited and that was probably the first time they acted like they could stand each other..." Luc's voice caught and he looked down. The roughest part was coming and he wasn't sure if he'd make it through without breaking. Even when he told Jezebel about their mother he always cried because he missed her so much.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "My sister was born on November first. She was gorgeous too, right from the get-go. The moment I saw her, I loved her. But with her birth came a tragedy at the same time...my mother died during child birth. For a while it was hard being around her because she looked so much like my mother, but I got used to it. My father took longer, but once he could look at her, he gave her the world and left me in the dust. After my mother died, I had no support from him, the only person who took care of me was our maid. That being said, I didn't envy my sister, I couldn't, she was and still is the most adorable thing in the world." He smiled faintly and dug his wallet out of his pocket to show her the most recent picture of his sister.

After handing it to her, he continued, "When she turned five, that was when I got dragged away and taken to Kocher. The years there weren't really anything special, I didn't really get along with very many people and that soon became the same with Hammel after I left Kocher to put distance between my father and I. Our relationship was still strained and it was only getting worse. About two years ago now, he and I got into it over a girl because he treated her like dirt and she was my first love so I was stubborn and fought with him, but I had good reason. He wanted to force me into an arranged marriage with this girl who I'd never even met and I told him no. He sent me a few threats and at that point Jezebel had come to Hammel with me. It didn't last very long though because due to my disobedience, she was ripped away from me..." He gulped and squeezed his eyes shut against the images of her crying out for him and being taken by Dimitri's guards.

[Calliope Gallo]

As Calliope listened on to the story, she tried her best to keep her face under control. She didn't want him to worry when several different emotions crossed over her face; from confusion to worry and of course, immense sorrow. She took hold of the picture when he offered it out to her, glancing over it as he continued talking. Rather than allowing his hand to escape, she quickly entwined her fingers with his with her free hand. But she kept her eyes on the picture. "Eric's mom died the same way." Callie said slowly. They didn't talk about it much, but she knew what happened. But she didn't really want to redirect the conversation, so she left it at that.

Furthermore, she couldn't imagine what it would be like if anything separated her from her brothers. Her family were amazing, and the time between them going to Hammel and her finally joining them felt like the worst separation anxiety she'd ever faced before. But what he was talking about was clearly much worse. And she thought it best not to even try to relate to it. Calliope leaned against him slightly, trying to offer comfort through her physicality.

"That's not fair on you." She said quietly, offering the picture back to him finally. "You know that, right? That you don't deserve any of this."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

It was an interesting way to die. After so much time thinking about it, he often wondered how his mother would describe it, good or bad? Lucah knew the answer though, his mother would say it was worth dying because she would have loved Jezebel just as much as he did. So as horrible as the death had been, he knew his mother would have happily sacrificed her life for the younger girl and that was how Luc decided to think about it. "It's rough, but I mean, if she was going to die young, I know my mother would choose that over dying for some trivial reason. At least, that's what I like to think."

As she leaned against him, he put his arm around her shoulders, thankful for the contact. His fingers stroked her hair gently as he continued thinking about all that he'd talked about. It was the most he'd talked about his life with someone in a long time and though it hurt to bring up, it was good talking to someone about it. And the way Callie took everything so easily, being so strong for him, he couldn't have asked for someone better to talk to about it. Taking the picture from her, he looked down at her while she spoke.

Her words made him frown and he looked away. It felt like he did deserve what happened to him sometimes though. He pressed his lips to her forehead, "I'm glad you think so, but sometimes, it feels like I do deserve it. There are times when I find myself being just like him, you know? And i-it scares me knowing that I could end up loving someone that will never love me back."

[Calliope Gallo]

The more she thought about it in the silence, the more Callie realised she didn't know much about how Eric felt about his mother. She wondered if it would be something worth asking about. But they never had serious conversations. At least, not usually. She assumed he would just brush it off like with everything else.

She took it all in stride because she had to. Calliope still wasn't used to the negativity other people had in her lives, so she was never really sure how to react. It almost made her feel bad that things for her had been so perfect.

"There have to be qualities from your dad that aren't so bad. It's like you said, your mom didn't always hate him." Callie replied. She was probably way off base for saying something like that, but it was what she thought. "No matter how you act, though, it doesn't mean you should be judged for it before you can make a decision. You were only a kid, y'know? You shouldn't have been on the outer edge like that." The corner of her mouth tugged into a half-smile that dissipated quicker than she would have liked it to; "And I mean, you get to decide now what kind of guy you're going to be anyway. You don't have to be like that just because your dad was."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah's face scrunched at her comment. Were there qualities of his father that weren't bad? If so, he couldn't say that he'd seen them firsthand. But then he actually thought about it. It wasn't so much that his mother had hated his father really, she just never loved him. And that was because of their situation she'd been forced into. "Okay, there was one thing that I know my mother liked about him. He had a soft side for the one's he did care about. I never saw it directed towards me, but he's always very gentle with my sister. She's treated like a princess because she's so much like my mother except the fact that she actually loves my father."

That was it though. The only thing he could think of that was a good quality.

Glancing down at her, he nodded slightly. Yes, he was just a kid, but sometimes he felt like he never really had a childhood after his mother died. He was always taking care of Jezebel when his father was working, which back then was most of the time. Between him and Naus, they raised Jezebel until he left.

Lucah ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, "And I'm trying to be a good guy, I really am, but there are times that I turn into him without even trying. Every time I do, I'm worried that it'll stick and I will be just like him, cold and distant forever with the exception of one person who brings the bright side out of me." Looking up at her, his mind drifted in that direction as well. For him that exception had been made with Jezebel and now Callie was falling into that category as well. "Everyone thinks of me as such a jerk that doesn't feel and sometimes I believe them..."

[Calliope Gallo]

"One thing is better than nothing." She said lightly, not wanting to push the issue. It was a significant increase, especially given the nature of Lucah's story. Calliope smiled at the fact that he'd managed to find anything worth mentioning that made his father something of a good man. It in no way could outweigh the bad, but it was a start. Lucah was a brighter individual than most gave him credit for.

When he spoke again, she offered a small shake of her head. There were some things she didn't agree with, though she felt a little strange disagreeing with him about his own family issues. "You know what not to be." Callie replied. It was as simple as that. At least, it was that simple to say. "I like to think I know you pretty well. Better than whoever else you're talking about. The only thing that's cold about you is your skin," She started again with a small, quiet laugh, "And you can't help that."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Sure, one thing was better than nothing, but that didn't mean it made Lucah think any higher of his father. He treated Jezebel like a princess, but that didn't make him a good person. Anyone who met the young girl would instantly want to spoil her, it was just the effect the she had on the people she met. Dimitri was no saint by any means, but Luc wasn't going to say anything because he didn't want to keep dragging the conversation into dark topics. He was sick of being angry at the world whenever he thought of his father.

"Yes I know that, but it's easier said than done sometimes. It's like there's always something to spark those moods I get in when I act like him," He was starting to tense up once more and he pulled away from her, wrapping his arms around his knees. The whole thing was just stressful to the point of talking about it making him frustrated. She spoke again, and he turned to look at her. The words passed through his ears and for a minute it didn't click, but when he got what she was saying, he smiled faintly. "Very true, I can't help it, but thank you."

Luc took a deep breath and relaxed a little. He hesitantly took her hand and started to playing with her fingers to distract himself. It was probably the most contact he'd made with her outside of the occasional hugging. If he wasn't so nervous of pushing her boundaries, he'd have done a lot more now, but he was still worried.

[Calliope Gallo]

The corner of Callie's mouth tugged into a frown when he spoke again. She supposed she couldn't imprint her beliefs on him in one sitting. But at least he was coming around to seeing people in a different light; she couldn't really ask for more than that. And she wasn't an expert on his family. She was learning about people as much as he was. Calliope watched as he took hold of her hand, watching it with some intention in his eyes.

Oblivious to what he was thinking and his potential insecurities to her boundaries, Callie offered a content sigh. It was just nice sitting there, even if nothing was happening. "I like spending time with you," She said quietly, turning her blue eyes up to the sky, "You're a lot different than people think you are. I feel like I'm lucky, getting to see this side of you."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah traced his fingers down each of her's and along the lines of her palm. It was relaxing just sitting with her, having some form of physical contact and talking. Her presence was soothing even when he had so much stress pushing down on him. She didn't let the stress overtake him and it was nice having other things to focus on. Like how soft her skin was and how he could see each of her veins running up her forearm. For a while he just watched his long musician fingers trailing along her skin until she started speaking again.

Looking up at her, he smiled faintly as she spoke his thoughts. It was nice knowing that she enjoyed their time together like he did. As she continued his smile widened and he brushed back a strand of her hair. "I like spending time with you, too, Callie. And honestly, I'm glad you get to see me like this. I wish I was like this more sometimes, but then it wouldn't be so special when someone did see me this way." Lucah wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her a little closer. He was a little surprised at his boldness, but he was sick of being so weary of boundaries. If she didn't like it, he'd pull back.

But he hoped that she wouldn't want him to. Luc kissed her temple and smiled, "Wanna help me make a snow man? I can manipulate the temperature of the snow so it's the right consistency."

[Calliope Gallo]

The affection Lucah was showing were the kind of motions that people wouldn't believe if she told them; that he would be so calm and gentle towards another person. But even as she thought about that, she came to the conclusion that his behaviour and personality weren't things she needed to express to other people. Some people just didn't understand.

"You are who you are," She said quietly, offering a small shrug with her shoulders, "There's no reason to make excuses for that." When he moved in closer, she didn't back away. She welcomed the closeness that he was willing to offer by leaning into the contact. She smiled when his lips pressed against her temple, closing her eyes when he did so. His words brought her back into reality. "I so want to, but it's getting pretty cold out. For me, anyway." She admitted, laughing at herself.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

"Sometimes being who I am isn't good enough to people in my life, that's part of the reason I act the way I do," he answered softly, his fingers still trailing along her skin. It was the harshness of reality that he was facing finally, something he'd been avoiding for quite some time. He never felt good enough so he put on the cool exterior to make people believe he had no feelings, no cares in the world. No one really knew how different he was from that.

Luc smiled sympathetically and kissed her cheek, wishing he could offer her some form of heat, though he knew he wasn't the best for that. "I'll walk you back to your dorm," He said, standing and offering his hand to her. For a moment he dug around in the bag he brought and wrapped her up in a blanket so that he could be close to her without adding to the chill outside.

[Calliope Gallo]

"Maybe it's not about you, then." Callie reasoned, pressing her lips together at the thought. "Maybe it's them. If people really think it's not good enough, it's probably because they're not good enough for you." It was probably just her optimism taking over her thought process, but whatever it was that she just said was making a lot of sense to her.

With a small, almost regretful nod she took his hand and allowed him to help her up. She hadn't wanted to say anything about the cold, but it just wasn't something she could really help. She hugged the blanket over her shoulders and huddled into it for warmth and comfort. "I'd like that. I mean, I always like spending my time with you."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah smiled at her reasoning. It would be nice if she got to meet his baby sister. Their optimism was so similar, he couldn't wait to see them together. At the same time, he knew that those two together would have such a hold over him he wouldn't be able to act of his own accord. Anything they'd want, he'd gladly give to them. Luc just hoped they didn't fight for his attention, not that either of the girls were like that, but it still worried him. Jez was protective over him even as the younger sibling, she'd never met any of the girls he'd been interested in.

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder after she was bundled up in the blanket and walked with her back to the dorms. Reluctant was an understatement, but he figured it was better than her freezing outside because of him. Giving her a bright smile, he answered, "I'm glad you do. I'd really like to start spending more time with you."