Time Warp: Long Away (Valentia)

[Mai Adaire]

_{Canon: September 2004}

Between the closing zip of the suitcase and the first steps leaving the office of her long-time trainer, Maiella had finally a moment to breathe. It felt a long time since she actually felt the air reach deep into her lungs, knowing the familiar feel of the dry and cold. The burden of the decision she carried could drop from her shoulders and crumble as it hits the ground.

Tunisia, that’s where it first appeared during the assignment and there it had remained. Sure, the brunette masked the truth with a smile, but cracks in the masks grew and branched. Maiella always had a good sense of herself, a good grasp of who she was and what she does. Without question, she accepted the assignments given. Without question, she served and carried out what needed to be done. Maybe a few times, she enjoyed what she had to do for, with the underlying intention of pleasing someone important to her.

Because he had been important at one time.

Five years into military service, the truth surfaced.
The truth and well-placed leave was why she made an appearance at Odarennyĭ.

The brunette stepped out of Shalamar’s office, a glance flicked over her shoulder at her trainer and a smile before closing the door behind her. It would be a while before she was going to be able to see him again. There was still an ache in her heart, one that she pushed deep into the depths of her very being.

Impossibilities.

Her smile is a sad one. These had all been her decision, and it was already freeing.

Melancholy, but still freeing. And it was not over yet.

[Valentia de la Torres]

Tunisia had been a grueling experience, but a riveting one nonetheless. After the extensive training in Russia, the station across the Mediterranean Sea had been worth it. Valentia absorbed the culture of each new place they travel to like it was second nature to her. Like she belonged there. Their commanding officer praised her for her strength and perseverance; for her stealth and quick thinking during quieter missions. But that didn't matter; they were on leave for the time being.

And so the two go back to where it all started. At Odarennyĭ to see their trainers.

Valentia expressed her concerns for Maiella. She'd grown fond of her - this many years together had to force such a connection, really. Manya seemed taken back by this display of emotion. She informed the former student of hers that her connection and skill with Maiella is likely why Odarennyĭ matched them together in the first place. For the bigger picture. But she'd heard that Maiella has been slowly falling behind.

And that the ambitiously young Valentia can't have that jeopardise her own advancement.

Leaving the room, Valentia closed the door and stared at the handle for a brief moment. She breathed a sigh, straightening with a jolt at the sound of another door opening. She looked up towards the familiar face with a blank expression.

Unreadable. But Maiella's melancholy was not; "Trouble?"

[Mai Adaire]

Ah luck, knowing exactly when to throw Valentia in at just the most heart-wrenching moment. Could not even afford a moment to breathe, eh?

Mai breathed in heavy and sighed: "Well..."

It was hard to exactly face her at the moment. Maiella had not really come around to speaking about the weight of her decision to the one person she spent the majority of her time with in both academics and military. Oh, Mai was pretty certain her friend knew more than she let on, that something had been off since Tunisia.

Maiella could muster every pang of doubt or worry with a smile but she can hardly dismiss that girl's sharpness. To see just a little deeper where others would be fooled.

And lord knows she was going to miss that.

"Just got out of a discussion." Her gaze flicked to the familiar door behind her once more. There was little to say about that and less she wanted kept burned into her brain. The brunette shook her head and patted Vel's shoulder, follow her away from that door, please.

"That about-"

Her eyes widened and she grabbed her friend's shoulders, both hands.

"Actually first, Vel, promise me you won't get upset!"

[Valentia de la Torres]

Mai's single word hung heavily in the air; it was hardly reassuring given the conversation she'd had. Had Eric torn into her for her recent dip in focus? She had seen the significant difference in Tunisia, but she hadn't said anything. How could she? She smile she offered was pitiful at best. Valentia abandoned the safety of her former trainers door to breach the distance between them.

"I can see that." She said quietly, allowing her eyes to briefly travel to the door behind her friend. She stared at her shoulder where her hand once was, taking the cue and following where she lead.

She stopped in her tracks suddenly when Mai held onto her shoulders. She looked from one hand to the other before her dark eyes settled on Mai's face. She felt the sudden need to pull her hands away. But she didn't. It was some kind of comfort for Mai, she supposed. The way she'd reached out felt meaningful, as if she needed to brace for impact.

"I do not make promises." Valentia replied honestly.

[Mai Adaire]

No promises. Mai's brief exhale was soft and vague. She knew that was going to be the answer, but still she has asked that of her friend. The woman straightened up and allowed her hands to fall to her sides.

"I'm not in any trouble, I assure you. Trust me, if Erik was pissed at me, you would have heard it from way down the hallway."

A nervous laugh and a shudder, she never liked being on that end, but she could stand there and take the verbal beating like no other. Growing up in her situation, it was an art. But now? For all of her exuberance and savvy in a variety of situations, she was having trouble finding the right way to even convey the news to her friend.

Maybe the worry she had about Erik's view of her extended to Valentia. This Maiella kept to herself, never one to show nothing but absolute cheer and optimism no matter the situation!

"I'm...being discharged. Not for conduct or anything negative. He and I were just going over the paperwork and such."

[Valentia de la Torres]

"I know." Valentia replied simply. Such was the way with their set of trainers here at Odarennyĭ. The sound of deafening shouting often filtered through these halls and melded together like a kind of daunting symphony.

It was a strange thing to miss, really. But it would have offered some nostalgia.

And then she offered up the news in question.

An infuriating stint set into her dark eyes. That this ridiculous, suffocatingly exhausting woman was going to leave that which they had been built for. Giving up most likely, especially given her recent fall in performance reviews. Valentia took a hand of hers in her own with little strength, offering a shake.

"It was good to work with you." She began, though her spiteful tone mistreated the potential empathy of her words; "And to know you."

She let her hand drop, nodded once, and turned to leave the building alone.

[Mai Adaire]

Maiella had prepared for that possibility, the time between asking and the answer without promises was dedicated to forming a shell. When it happened, Mai was surprised she had not managed to flinch from that furious flash in her eyes. So many times, so many assignments, the woman had seen that same furious gaze fall onto others, but it was a whole different sort of dread being on the receiving end.

And the dismissive spite laced in the exchanged handshake and those words. It was good to work together. It was good to know each other. Her eyes widened - not even her sunny disposition could shield the burn of those words.

And it would be not be Maiella without her perseverance: she frowned and followed after Vel. She could not allow this to pass without a fight, it was the entirety of her being to find resolution. Erik...she had already found resolution, no matter how much it still burned. But Valentia?

"Vel wait, don't walk away like that!" The woman would keep pace with her, she always had the energy to. It's why they worked well together.

"Why are you angry at me? I know this isn't ideal, but it was a necessary step."

[Valentia de la Torres]

Valentia felt the flicker of her energy; the force that drove her to step forward again. She could feel the surge of Maiella following along behind her. But she kept her eyes forward. Maiella could never leave well enough alone. She could rarely turn her back on others.

So the betrayal of her departure stung all the more.

She could have lied. She could have called out behind her but no, her hands stifled themselves in the pockets of her jacket - only to leave the comfort of the warm building for the icy exterior of the grounds. The flicker of seasons changing appeared in the form of drizzling snow. Valentia ignored the flecks that started to catch in the curls of her hair.

But she turned on a heel at the second request. "Abandoning the military? No-" Valentia snapped, pausing briefly to search for the right words; " Abandoning your purpose. That is not a necessary step to take."

Pride. In the military. In the purpose of her being. Maiella had wounded much more than the Chilean's feelings; "It is nothing but a cowards way out."

[Mai Adaire]

Wide blue eyes fall upon the Chilean.

Abandoning?

That was not even a word that existed in her world.

Coward's way out? Maiella could be a lot of things. Oh, she was competitive and determined when it mattered the most. She was without a sense of shame and always held on to optimism despite the years she spent here, despite the ire of stares she received from fellow soldiers. How hard she had to fight, had to prove to them all she was far from weak, that her determination was nothing to dismiss. There were so many words that could apply to her.

But coward? That was low, and coming from one of the few people that mattered dug even deeper.

"Don't you dare throw that word at me, Vel." Spoken through clenched teeth, trying hard not to let those words sink deeper than they have.

"You know me. You've been my comrade for years now!"

The woman clenched her teeth, her hand pinching the bridge of her nose. Being this upset was not her forte. She always wanted to have Erik's calm sway, even when upset he had a collected air about him. She wished she could have soaked had his finesse right about now, but all she could feel the dry cool filling her lungs with every breath.

"Do you how many times I could've just abandoned it all? I could give you dates where I considered it, but no. Every time, I stayed and endured! I made my choices, no matter how I felt, no matter what was thrown at me, I stayed and gave my all in the name of the military and the name of Odarennyĭ!"

A shake of her head.

"And I won't stand here and let it all be rendered worthless! My time here, knowing you, knowing Erik, knowing this place! I don't regret a thing about my path here, none of it."

[Valentia de la Torres]

Maiella. They called her sunshine for a very good reason. A sound reason. She never seemed cut from the same cloth as the rest of them. And neither did Valentia. The proverbial sunshine and the outsider. Perhaps that was why they found a way to connect.

Half force, half fate.

Her hands left the warmth of her pockets as she folded her arms before her chest. She was standing her ground; standing by the words used and the tone in which she used them. Maiella had her own fire and when unleashed, it did its worst on people. But she always found herself exempt.

Until now.

Comradery. "So I thought."

Valentia would have argued that they all endured when the times were difficult, and those times were many. But it seemed like a waste of breath.

"But it is abandonment. And therefore, it is worthless." Valentia pointed out, a calm volume to her voice despite the impending fury behind her tone. "You leave, and everyone who ever spoke an ill word of you is right. They were right to question your place here, even when you fought to prove your worth."

Valentia; a child of strange circumstances had found her haven in the walls of Odarennyĭ. She felt a fool for assuming this person felt he same way. "You - Maiella - have spent years fighting for nothing."

[Mai Adaire]

A raise of her eyebrows at her friend’s words. Maiella could not understand why in the world Valentia would ever think of abandoning her, all it was her own decree that in her eyes, it was all for nothing. Everything they have ever done together, everything that led them up to this point.

Everything.

“Oh, is that the truth now?” Now she was calm. Maybe the fury had given way to something that burned far deeper than she knew. It had felt good to get a little out of her system, but it was not enough. Maiella drew a breath and sighed, a puff of visible air escaping into the air.

“You think I just woke up one day and thought ‘oh, I’m done with all this. Let me just quit everything I’ve ever done and have the two people that mean the world to me look at me with absolute disgrace while doing it! I shall do that wearing a top hat and break into a musical number because that’s TOTALLY the way I want to go'! Good lord Vel. Did you always think so lowly of me?”

She’d wave a dismissive hand, the answer to that would probably hurt just as much as being called a coward. Better to leave that buried.

“But no, you want to just toss that all away. Feel free to do that! You put so much damned credence into what the others think and smash any other thoughts that go on in that amazing mind of yours. Which is hilarious and sad on a lot of levels.” The woman leveled a glare at her friend.

“Do you think I don’t notice when they look at me, hell, when they look both of us? I had to come to grips with it a long time ago just to continue this-this purpose thing you're so married to. We’re not like them and we’ll never be, no matter what we do! I could serve with my soul until the day I die and I will never be good enough.”

That was maybe why Maiella remained so close to the girl. The Sunshine and the Outsider, both odd spots within the walls of Odarennyĭ and both with stronger hearts than anyone would expect.

“And it’s a sin they think that way.” A bite of her lip and a dip in her gaze to the snow. Vel’s footprints were deep with certainty, steps ahead of her own.
Always.

“Especially of you. Me, they can say all they want. But you’re better than any of them, Velli. So much better that it hurts." An uncharacteristic bitter laugh escapes her lips.

"I wish I could be you, to just live this life without question, without regard, with absolute compliance. Maybe then you and Erik would actually look at me…with something more favorable than 'that living burden'.”

And that was the worst realization that fell upon Maiella that day, now formed into spoken words. It was not just about not knowing who she was anymore, not about turning away from the place that she was grateful for, or realizing that the reasons for existing now had changed drastically.

It was being useless. She stared at her friend, knowing she may have barbs for everything she had to say.

But Maiella will gladly take those barbs and wait.

[Valentia de la Torres]

Valentia didn't know what to think. Things were so up in the air; so distant. She felt a twinge in her heart to be called one of the two people who mean so much to her. She was used to the concept, despite how little they spoke of it. But it felt raw now. Like a lie. Did she always think so lowly of her? Did she ever think that?

No, she was the exception to that standard. Until now.

"And yet you speak as if we don't receive the same looks." She shot out, though her voice had quietened somewhat. She fought hard to dismiss the nickname of outsider, only to have it replaced with her blood nationality. It wasn't any better.

Valentia was highly aware that she didn't deserve the treatment she got, yet she never complained. She simply went along with it as a constant fact; unchangeable over time. She felt Maiella's words bolster her ego briefly, but the backlash of it burned. A living burden? When had that ever been a thing, beyond the first year of knowing the bright woman before her.

"Is that what you think I feel?" She asked instead, turning her head slightly in mild disbelief. "Good to know. That you believe you are something of a disappointment to me. Except that I never said anything remotely close to that nature. Your beliefs are yours, not my own. This has made that perfectly clear."

[Mai Adaire]

Maiella closed her eyes and then allows her palm to smack against her face. Sometimes, talking to this girl was a brick wall, but this brick wall she could never fathom ever talking to again.

“So you’re going to stand there and tell me that you calling my leave cowardly do not represent the smallest ring of truth? That you aren't disappointed in me and this decision I had to make? Because if I’m wrong or unjustified, feel free to correct me because it really feels that way where I’m standing.”

The brunette stuffed her hands into her pockets. The rush of feelings flying about had numbed her awareness before realizing that it was the cold itself physically stinging her fingers.

“That’s…what I think of myself. Always, Velli, it’s always in the back of my mind. In my little messed-up head, my worth is everything in this world. It doesn't mean that you or Erik thinks that way in reality, it’s just my own fear.”

Who else could she ever admit that too but her? Sunshine harbors disparaging thoughts? Oh, they existed, but her cheer drowns them out. Bright blue eyes swept around, knowing under all the snow, Russia’s spring was going to be bountiful and beautiful. The boundless energy and light did have the dim times, but those dim times she had not felt since those days locked away in the manor back home, the piano she despised, the longing looks out to the world. Maiella did not miss those days.

The drowning feeling from those days returned now, rushing back too quickly to ignore entirely. She glanced back at Valentia again.

“I got lost somewhere along the way. I need to find where I’m going…but that doesn't mean abandoning you or what gave me a path in the first place."

[Valentia de la Torres]

"I am. That is not the issue you are talking about." No, these feelings and expressions were built from her choice. Her recent decision. The one she refused to talk to her Chilean-born colleague about.

Then poured the heartfelt confession that she felt she already knew. That Maiella believed the things that were said about her. The nickname of choice seemed to sting Valentia physically, as if the familiarisation wasn't hers to use anymore. Not after this.

"You abandoned the cause. The line of work." Valentia pointed out, rolling her shoulders at the fact. Taking herself out of the equation. Even if she was a significant part of it.

Or should have been.

"If you leave, I am..." Valentia paused, glancing down towards the snow as it slowly siphoned into the grass at her feet. The cold didn't bother her. "I am done. With this." A brief wave of her hand between the two of them before she folds it into the other again.

"With you, Maiella. This is unforgivable."

[Mai Adaire]

Again that word.
Abandoning.

And not just not the word in itself but abandoning the cause. Maiella simply exhaled again. The barbs, they hurt but they were barbs upon ones already deeply rooted. They had been there for a long time now, this was just more she had to take...and more of the real reason of her departure.

"Goodness. You sound more and more like Miss Manaya every day."

Her hands clenched a moment in her pockets.

She could tell the Valentia the truth of the matter... what actually did happen to push all this in motion, but what would it change? She was already a coward, already abandoning. This place took far deeper root in her comrade, the figure that she followed was far more in her mind and heart than Maiella ever could. It saddened her, especially given how easily Vel was so willing to decimate their friendship.

Maella's smile is a melancholy one, trying hard to retain any brightness she was known for. Sunshine doesn't burn out - it can hide behind clouds, but it never truly disappears. Her hands escape the pockets, now warmer than they had been.

"You may be willing to drop this friendship, but I reject your rejection~!<3"

A shrug of her shoulders, it was simply her way. Whether it was never accepting defeat at the hands of other soldiers or refusing a refusal of friendship, Mai could never simply accept what will happen. This was not how her time at Odarennyĭ was going to end.

"Go ahead and be mad at me Velli. For as long as you want. But I could never be mad at you. You follow that's woman's every word down to the reason of going into the service...." No, Mai did not forget that aspect. Manaya's influence ran deep in her friend, for better or worse.

"I only hope for you sake...that you never find yourself standing in the same place I have been."

There was no need to go further - the place she stood was a very real and scary reality to Mai, a place she could never wish upon even an enemy. Maiella finally turns away from Valentia. She actually realized she had to retrieve her bag from Erik's office...how utterly awkward that was going to be!

But after? After having that last heavy look at a poignant part of her life? The hard days were coming, knowing what little she had left to rely on, to hold on to. Maiella knew, feared it, but she would have to endure. The footsteps would stop a moment but she never looks back. She would be mortified if Vel saw her face, if anyone could see her face. Tears? Hah, impossibility for Sunshine!

"Erik has my number. And I left my number in our dorm on the desk. Kinda did that before -" The brunette waves her arms in all direction, because that was apt for this situation. "All this. Burn it, toss it, do whatever you feel to it. Just... If you decide to stop being done with me or if you ever need the likes of me for any reason, no matter what I may be doing, I will drop everything to come to your side."

Those words felt far heavier on her lips, never knowing if that day will ever come. It was even harder to move her feet to walk away, they suddenly felt heavier than a pair of cement shoes. Forced to walk from the life she knew despite pleas to remain. But that was not the way of the world, Erik made that perfectly clear to her.

But Maiella could always hold hope and simply make good on her words, just as she always had.