Shattered (Travis) [TRIGGER WARNING]

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ had trailed off, almost unable to continue, tears rolling down her cheeks, but Travis was looking at her in a way that showed he was putting the pieces together in his mind. Her glance fell to the floor, ashamed. "No..." she mumbled. But I would have been. If that girl hadn't shown up...if I hadn't found the strength within me to kick him.

She remembered the look in Phoenix's eyes, the hunger as he took her in greedily, desperate to get her out of her dress. She wasn't sure she could ever set foot in the park again. The memories resurfaced without being there.

"But he almost did," she finally got out, looking up. Her brown eyes were glossy with tears that still hadn't fell and her cheeks were stained with tears. She was still clutching the little lamb tightly in her hands, trying to muster the strength to speak once again.

"I'm just so angry. I...don't know what to think! He was already planning on getting me alone from the beginning. That's all I was...the sad girl whose library books were knocked out of her hands. Maybe he thought that having sex with him would somehow make up for that or build my self-esteem. But I've never seen my power do that before...make someone that lustful." So lustful that he wouldn't take no for an answer. It was even worse than how it had gone with Oliver when she'd manifested. "It was scary! And I don't know...I don't know who to blame! Him for feeling that way, or me for manipulating the pheromone?" She felt ashamed but used all at once and it was so confusing.

[Travis Morgan]

It took everything Travis had not to jump up and hug her. Unconsciously, Travis wrapped his arms around his middle, mirroring the posture AJ had displayed moments ago. Tears welled in his eyes as she spoke, and they fell, finally, when AJ turned the blame on herself.

"Don't," he said, his voice firmer than it had been up till now, "it's not your fault, AJ. Say whatever you want, but don't say that." Travis sniffed and wiped his face with his hand. "It's not your fault."

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ looked at Travis, unable to bear the tears in his eyes. He was crying for her. Nobody had ever done that before...not since she manifested. Nobody felt what she felt with her. Travis cared and she swore they were connected through their emotions.

"I just don't know, Trav...if he had...if he...if he had raped me..." She cringed at the word. "How am I supposed to....tell anybody about that when my power practically made him do it? Where would the fault lay? That's what I'm talking about! My power...it could get me into such bad situations. It already has and I'm so scared."

It wasn't just about her blaming herself anymore. It could be about other people blaming her, for what it looked like. She was shaking her head, tears still flowing freely down her face. Part of her wanted to hug him, to lose herself in Travis, but part of her was hesitant.

[Travis Morgan]

"Stop," Travis said, almost demanding. "People are responsible for their actions, pheromones or not! I don't have any idea what the law would say-- but it doesn't matter how badly you want to do something, you have a choice. There's always a choice!"

Granted, Travis had never experienced AJ's pheromone manipulation, but it really seemed like a bad excuse for shitty behavior. He was raised by parents who emphasized self control. Having strong feelings didn't give you license to break the rules, and if you really can't control yourself then just leave.

Travis leaned back a little, pressing his hand to his forehead. "I'm sorry," he said, quieter now, "I'm not angry with you. I'm just.." He inhaled and looked up at AJ. "The world is really fucked up, and I don't have an answer, and I'm sorry."

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ stopped, her mouth lingering open for a second as Travis rambled. She was shocked at his outburst. It was similar to the one he'd had outside, but this one was different in the way that it wasn't directed at her. She had to admit that he seemed more tense than usual, and it didn't seem as if she'd helped with that.

There's always a choice. That was true, right? She knew enough about her power to know that it was just something of high suggestibility. It really couldn't make anybody do anything.

She stared at him for a long moment before he apologized. "I know," she told him, before he'd even finished. He'd said it better than she could. The world is fucked up, and I don't have an answer. Truth. Adding meta-human abilities to the mix didn't make it any less fucked up.

She sighed once more, wiping tears off of her face. "It is. And I know that there's a choice. But nobody's going to look at it that way. I'm seen as the bitch who manipulated people, Travis. And sometimes I feel like there's nothing I can do about it."

She took a few slow steps forward and sat down on the edge of his bed with him, drawing in a sharp breath and reaching over to place the little lamb in Travis' lap before doing something she hadn't expected of herself, she wrapped her hand around his, clasping it in her own before resting her head on his shoulder.

[Travis Morgan]

Travis laid a hand on his stuffed animal when AJ dropped it in his lap. He didn't know what to say. There was nothing false about what she just said, and it was steadily getting more difficult to think positively.

Then AJ held his hand, and his heart jumped. She rested her head on his shoulder, and Travis resisted the urge to kiss her face. He couldn't quite figure out what was happening.. Maybe he was just feeling distant from Michael. Maybe it was possible to love two people at once. Maybe he was just overwhelmed with empathy.

Either way, he squeezed her hand gently and turned his head to look down at her. He didn't smile, but it was a comforting gaze nonetheless. His thoughts right now was just a swirl of feelings. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, but he thought better of it.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ didn't know what to say either, so she didn't say anything, but merely squeezed his hand in her own. It was weird, a gesture like this. Holding hands with somebody. She really wasn't used to this. The last and only person to hold her hand had been Oliver and that seemed like ages ago and it hadn't ended well. But this was different--especially because she'd initiated it. She'd grabbed his hand and leaned her head on her shoulder.

Even through everything, she still felt so comfortable with him. And there was just something about being here with him that made her feel safe even when her thoughts weren't comforting and her emotions were running haywire. She caught his gaze as he shifted his head to look down at her and she looked back at him, trying to send the words from her brain to her mouth.

[Travis Morgan]

Travis felt like he was looking at her for a long time. He felt tired. Exhausted, and depressed. He didn't know what else to do but look at her. There were still tears falling in a steady stream from his eyes, but he was ignoring them. There was almost no point in wiping them away.

AJ was looking back at him, and though nobody was talking it was very intense. He was getting lost in her again, too tired to separate himself from her experience. Everything seemed to ache. He was too aware of his heartbeat. There was a tightness in his chest.

Slowly, cautiously, he bowed his head toward her, and rested his forehead against hers. "It's gonna' be okay," he whispered, dripping tears onto her face.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ knew that her emotions had to be transmuting to Travis. She'd brought him down to her level and she was trying not to beat herself up about it. How he'd explained his emotional connection to her weeks ago in the courtyard was still embedded in her mind. He felt so close to her emotionally that he fell into her and that had to be what he was doing right now. The tears in his eyes proved it so.

Still, she knew if she apologized, Travis would tell her not to feel bad. So instead, she just tried to enjoy his company and concentrated on trying to let her emotions seep away, to calm herself, but they were so intensely strong that her attempts were futile.

She was a tangled mess: hopelessly lost, scared and angry. At least she wasn't alone. She'd thought that originally that's what she wanted, what she needed. That being alone was the only solution. But Travis didn't seem to want that for her and telling him that he should leave her alone wouldn't work on him. Besides, it was comforting.

She didn't like being this close to people. The intimacy of what they were doing was something that AJ never thought she'd be ready for after so many events with her power. But with Travis, it was different.

She closed her eyes as his forehead rested up against hers and nodded wordlessly, unsure of how to express how much this meant to her that he was willing to drag himself down to be by her side.

[Travis Morgan]

Travis shifted. Slowly. Making no sudden movements. He pulled his head away from hers and gently removed his hand from her grasp so that he could wrap his arm around her. He was trying to think of something to do to make her feel better. Something other than just sitting here in silence, letting her mind spiral 'round and 'round.

He thought about singing. He could sing, and he was pretty sure his voice was decent. In reality, he had great pitch and a soothing tone. His technique was lacking, but he'd never been trained, so all in all it was a but on the impressive side. He just didn't sing in front of people very often because he got the feeling that it was considered annoying.

Right now, though, it seemed appropriate. He just had to think of a song. The only one that came to mind was one of his old favorites, in spite of the christian overtones.

"I heard," he started softly, wavering a bit to find the right key, "there was a secret chord
That David played and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?"

He took a slow breath, trying to assess any change in emotion before he continued.

"It goes like this the fourth, the fifth,
The minor fall and the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah..."

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

It felt weirder when Travis pulled away, like she needed someone to hold onto or she'd topple over, but his arm was around her again in a second. AJ was trying to get her emotions under control, but it was difficult when you felt like you were drowning in them.

She closed her eyes, a weak smile appearing on her lips as Travis' soft voice began to fill the air around her. She'd never been very religious, but the song was peaceful and Travis' voice was gentle and soothing. She hadn't known he could sing! Regardless of how incredibly close she felt to him, she kept learning more. And she couldn't help but feel herself fall into him as he'd fallen into her. She wasn't sure what she would do without him, or how she would have ended up had he not broken through to her. He cared more than anybody had ever cared to since she manifested.

[Travis Morgan]

As Travis continued singing, he began to regret this particular choice in song. He'd forgotten, somehow, that it was sort of a sad love song, if you really listened to the lyrics. He was thinking about Michael. Maybe he was just extremely depressed because of everything with AJ and the empathy.. but he had a bad feeling, and he was worried about Michael.

"Baby, I've been here before
I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
You know, I used to live alone before, I knew you

And I've seen your flag on the marble arch
And Love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, there was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But you never show that to me now, do you?

But remember, when I moved in you
And the holy dove was moving too
And every breath, we drew was Hallelujah--"

The tears fell faster and heavier as he sang, and his voice grew stronger. Filled with emotion, his voice rang out beautifully until it suddenly stopped. Travis covered his mouth and bowed his head, trying to stifle the sobs that overtook him.

"Sorry," he choked between sobs, "poor choice of song..."

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

Travis' voice was wonderful--he put such passion into the song, but as he got further into it, AJ looked over at him through blurred vision from her tears, trying to decipher the look on his face. She wasn't an empath and as much as she tried, she couldn't completely read him, but something was wrong. He was so emotional and she wasn't so sure it wasn't just from her overload of emotions.

His voice broke and he finally stopped singing, abruptly. She stared at him, confusion evident in her eyes beyond the sadness. "Trav..." she said slowly, her features etched with concern despite her current turmoil. "What's going on? I could tell you seemed particularly tense when you first saw me at the pond. You know...before we screamed at one another."

[Travis Morgan]

Travis shook his head. "I don't know," he cried, covering his whole face with his hand now. "I.. I have a boyfriend.. back home. Michael--" He took a gasping breath. "And he's.. I don't know! There's something wrong, but he won't tell me! He seems really depressed, and out of it-- and.. he called me today stoned out of his freaking mind, and he was just... It was just so weird, and he still wouldn't tell me what's going on. I have a really bad feeling, but.. I don't know."

Travis took a deep breath and wiped his face with his hand. "I'm sorry," he said again, "that's totally not important right now." It really didn't seem important in the wake of what AJ had just told him. By comparison, it felt downright petty. Boyfriend problems. Attempted rape. Really, they weren't even remotely on the same level.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ suddenly felt a pang of guilt. She hadn't even known Travis had a boyfriend or let alone that he was interested in males. It was odd, figuring out she didn't know that about him when she felt so emotionally connected to him. She got so caught up in the results of her power that she didn't really take the time to get to know Travis. "I'm assuming I didn't help," she said, slightly ashamed. Maybe that's why he'd snapped so easily. He was already having a not so good day.

"Trav," she said softly, reaching up toward his face where his hand was wiping away tears and grabbing it in her own once again. "You know, I don't want this friendship to be just about me. I...you can tell me things that are on your mind. I'm here for you as well. I can't know how you're feeling like you can know how I'm feeling so you have to tell me."

She really did care about him. And that's why she was shaking her head, tears dripping down. "It is important."