Open Arms (Oriel)

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Well, it definitely came back to kick Oriel in the ass. He had ignored it all since Kodah and he had their first fight, then even more for their second, then things just continued to spiral downward from there, ending with Madison leaving right before the camping trip.

It was a lot to take in all at once, and it had finally built up enough to the point where Oriel just couldn't contain it anymore.

He hated that he wasn't a stronger person.

"Huh, what? I don't know what you're talking about. I merely mentioned I wanted one and this tasty treat just happened into my hands." Oriel smirked then gave Phen an appreciative bump with his elbow. Healthy or not, sometimes you just did what you had to do to get through things. Though there was still no way Oriel would approve of Phen turning to drug…if he had turned to pastries like Oriel, maybe he wouldn't' be so skinny. Yeah, right.

It was pretty much the same thing that Noa had said, what she had offered, but…somehow it sounded a little bit more genuine, albeit awkward, coming from Phoenix. Then again, maybe Oriel was just a little biased.

"It's…." he started, wondering if he was making a mistake or not. "It's stupid…really. My…." Seriously, what was Madison to him? Oriel rested his hand against his forehead as he continued to lay on his back. "…old fuck-mate, my roommate…moved out…" See? He could do it. It wasn't such a big deal…. "He just left.…stupid, right?" Then why were his eyes starting to burn again?

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Phoenix snorted, smirking at Oriel as he bumped him. "Yeah yeah, whatever," he huffed. He was starting to almost forget the fact that he hadn't hallucinated for a couple hours, though there was a certain shakiness to his movements that said his body knew otherwise. His wings were tucked away in his back, but it wouldn't be too much longer before his dust was back and ready to go. Though if Oriel would be staying around for a while...

But what he said had been genuine, as could be seen from the nervous clutch of his fingers and the anxious looks he was giving Oriel. Phen just didn't want to feel useless. That was all. Right?

He just didn't know anymore.

As Oriel began talking, slowly and with a lot of pauses, Phen gently ran his fingers against his arm, silently supporting him in getting out what were obviously hard words. As the situation slowly came into focus, Phen's heart dropped, and he simply couldn't help but feel sympathy for Oriel.

He knew exactly how that felt.

There was a tiny pang of jealousy that he shoved aside at the mention of a past lover, but he swallowed hard and shook his head, closing his eyes against Oriel's shoulder. "That sucks, Oriel. I... I know how you feel... An' I'm not just sayin' that," he added quickly, knowing that that was something a lot of people did when they tried to sympathize with others.

He took a shaky breath. Did he really want to dive into his own problems? Maybe, if it was the best way to console Oriel... "I... My old bo... My old fuck-mate left me a couple years ago," he mumbled. He just couldn't say the word. "No explanation, no nothin', just up and left an' never spoke t' me again." Not until last week, that was.

His heart pounded hard, and he wondered if Oriel could feel it. "So... So it's not stupid t'... T' be upset about it," he mumbled, opening his eyes and looking up to see how Oriel was reacting. "At least, I don't think so."

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Man, if only he could keep up this cheery facade. But Oriel knew, or at least he supposed, that there wasn't going to be much room for jokes in a few minutes. Though he didn't know if that was because he was going to run away again, let it all spill out, or just say fuck it and fuck him.

And all were perfectly legitimate options in Oriel's eyes, especially that last one.

But despite his awkwardness, Phoenix was doing a pretty good job making Oriel feel like maybe it would be Ok even if he told him all the stupid things he was hung up about. Though as soon as the words had come out, he wasn't so sure anymore. His face was becoming flushed all over again and he could feel the heat buried deep within his eyes. The worst part was, Oriel wasn't sure he could stop now that he'd started.

And hearing Phen's story only made it too much easier to keep going.

"It….It might've been…easier if he'd…just left….an' not say nothing." Oriel's breathing had gotten heavy and sharp again, like he was trying so hard to catch his breath but just could keep up for the life of him. "But…he-- he said…" Oriel swallowed. His throat stung. "He said…I was gettin' too….too close." His words were coming out more like choked sobs now. Oriel brought grasped his hair with his other hand. He had no idea what he was supposed to do to make this easier, but it just wouldn't stop. He wanted it to, but no matter how he tried, Oriel just couldn't stop it. "I-I didn't mean to…I w's trying not to…." Another thing Oriel hated about himself. Why did he always let himself get attached so easy? He knew they were always going to leave in the end….

Oriel dropped the danish onto the bed as he covered his eyes and twisting face with his now free hand. A droplet streamed down his temple. "I hate this…."

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Phen could only listen and hope he could think of the right things to say as Oriel continued to speak, feeling his own history of heartbreak twist inside him, making his chest ache and his body taut. This world had given both of them shit lives and shit experiences, and he wished he could do or say something that would make everything alright, that could erase the pain he felt in himself as well as that he could almost physically feel coming from Oriel, but of course that was a dumb wish and there wasn't anything he could do about it anyway.

Oriel's story was a little different than his own, but that didn't make it any easier. Phoenix pursed his lips to hide any trembling that might be there; there was no way in hell he was going to cry, especially not here or now. It hurt to hear the aching in Oriel's voice. "I... I'm so sorry, Oriel," he finally managed, reaching down and fumbling until his fingers latched around Oriel's. He gave it a squeeze before letting go, averting his eyes as he saw the tear coursing down his face.

What the hell was he supposed to do? He knew the fresh pain of losing someone you had given so much to, and the only thing that really helped, he knew, was time. "As... As much as it sucks now, y'know... It... The pain, it... It gets better." Well, in his case he had let his pain scab over and fester until Rue reappeared in his life, and now it was open all over again, gaping and raw. So he supposed he shouldn't say anything.

He sighed, wrapping an arm across Oriel and pulling him to his chest, holding the back of his neck with his other hand. "But I know it sucks, an' I know it hurts like a fucker, an' I'm no one t' tell you how you should feel or what you should do about it. B-but..." He swallowed again, hard. "If... If it means anythin' to ya... I'm not gonna up and leave." His voice shook. "I know firsthand how much that breaks a person, an' I'm not gonna make anyone suffer through that." Was it even okay to say something like that? Did he mean anything at all to Oriel other than as someone to fuck? He really didn't know, and he was afraid of Oriel's response.

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Shit shit shit….why did it hurt so much? Madison was just a fuck-toy!

Why did it continue to hurt? It had already been three weeks since he left.

Oriel should have gotten over this by now. Oriel should have been used to people leaving by now. After all, they always, always did, eventually. There was obviously something so terribly wrong with Oriel that people just couldn't stand to be around him for very long. Well, he was an asshole. A rotten, no good, worthless individual. But what did that matter when they were going to leave anyway.

He was sick of people leaving him behind. Abandoning him

That's why it was better if he just didn't let himself get attached.

But that was so…fucking…hard!

"I…know…." He felt like he couldn't breath. How pathetic he must look to Phen, crying over something so stupid. "It…it only…hurts….for a little…" It always did. Then it numbed. But it never really went away. He rolled himself into Phen's arms, taking what little comfort he could get from the boy's warmth. "Why do they always leave!?" he cried into Phen's chest. "Always… Why…?" What was so wrong with him that, even when he tried so hard to meet their expectation, they still left?

"Don't…." he started. Oriel clutched onto Phen's shirt which was quickly becoming damp from tears. Oriel didn't know how he felt about Phoenix, he wasn't even sure if he could trust the boy's words to not leave. But he did know that he needed Phoenix so very much right then, and he was grateful, relieved that Phoenix had put up with him for so long, even feeding him promises that Oriel wanted so desperately to believe in.

He continued to hold onto Phoenix like a lost and trembling child. "Don't leave me…."

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While Phen's first encounter with Oriel had been far from fairy-tale like and magical, the more he learned about Oriel, the more he realized that there was more to him than most saw, and he wondered whether the fact that it sounded like so many people had abandoned him in the past was why he seemed so distant and snarky with most people. How Phoenix had ended up in the whatever-they-were relationship they had now, he had no idea; maybe they were both unlovable nobodies that just needed someone in this world to cling to.

How sad and pathetic was that? Whatever the case, Phen knew he was attached, whether he wanted to be or not.

He made what he hoped were soft, soothing sounds as Oriel sobbed and mumbled into his shirt, not caring about the dampness that he could feel blossoming against his chest. "Because people are cruel, an' selfish, an' a whole lot of shitty words that I don't know." He stroked Oriel's hair, knowing even as he said it that he was one of those people. Who was he to comfort someone that had already dealt with shitty people like him?

Don't... Phoenix waited, breath held, for Oriel to finish the sentence. Why the hell did it scare him so much that Oriel might not want to be around him once he got through this pain? Why did it matter? Phen had told himself that he was never going to trust or get close to anyone again, and yet here he was, holding this sobbing boy close as his heart thudded dully in his chest. What did he feel for Oriel? He was terrified to accept what he felt it might blossom into...

Don't leave me. Phen's chest jumped as he choked out a dry sob, raising a hand to bite into his thumb as he forced himself not to do it again. "I won't," he promised, clutching Oriel closer to him. "I won't make you go through this again, I swear. I..." He swallowed, kissing the top of Oriel's head for a long moment. "I don't know what it is, but... But, you... God, fuck everything." He hissed out a breath. Why were emotions and words so hard? "I don't think I could let you go... Even if I... Or you... Wanted me to...." Was it too much? Was this what Oriel's past lover had meant about getting too close? Was Oriel going to leave him?

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Phoenix was right…this world was full of shit and shit people, and he hated it.

The boy Oriel, who so wished he wasn't just a boy, had been born an unwanted child. The person he was closest to and loved unconditionally was ripped away from him, leaving Oriel behind, all for reasons the boy could only imagine. He was shuttled around from foster home to foster home, at the convenience of those who were only paid to care, who lied to him, and spoke the truths when they thought he wasn't listening. The one foster who had actually been kind had died on him out of nowhere. HIs friends in the foster system and on the streets all eventually left, either being adopted, taken to juvie, or just straight up disappeared. And just when he thought he had someone who could be a parent to him, Oriel was taken away to this goddamn school.

They always left.

Kodah left.

Madison left.

He hadn't the confidence to say that any of his so-called "friends" weren't going to suddenly get fed up with the boy and cut their ties as well.

Lux, his dearest Lux, would probably leave too…it was a possibility which scared him to death.

And Phoenix…

Oriel realized he would hate it if Phoenix left too. It would hurt just as much as it did now, probably more so considering Phoenix had promised he wouldn't. "I…I don't want you to leave." Oriel shut his eyes tight, releasing yet another stream of tears. "I don't want you to hate me too!" God, he sounded like such a child, such a whiner. Could he get any more pathetic? Oriel released his grip on Phen's shirt and slid his arm around the boy's waist, turning his desperate cling into a desperate embrace. "Please…." he begged.

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Maybe someday Phen would find out all that Oriel had gone through, and realize that he hadn't had it nearly as hard as he had. So he hadn't grown up with a father; a lot of kids dealt with that. His mom had hardly been home between the jobs that she worked, leaving him to get into all sorts of shit he shouldn't be, such as the addiction that was so in control of his life now. He had gotten stabbed in the back by so-called friends, almost caught by police several times, and met with dangerous people in the dark, dank alleys of the International District in Seattle. He had been beat up; called worthless more times than he could count; thought he was dying from overdose a couple of times before he knew how much his body could take, but that hadn't stopped him from doing it again.

In reality, all of his problems were really his own fault. At least Oriel had other people to blame.

Phen was a shit person, truly. Oriel, he was sure, was a better person than he was.

For now, at least, though, Oriel wanted to have him around, and Phen nodded sharply, digging his fingers into the boy's hair as he felt his sobs got stronger. "I... I don't hate you..." he replied brokenly. "I..." What? He what? "I just... Need you..."

He felt Oriel's arms snake around his waist and lifted his leg over Oriel's hips, completely entangling them together. "Shhhh," he murmured, dipping his head down to press several soft, slow kisses against his wet cheek. "It's not like I'm goin' t' be leavin' this school anytime soon anyway," he murmured. "Even if I was, I don't know where I'd go. But I'm not gonna leave you." He chuckled dryly. "I'll probably just end up on the streets anyway. Stick around Pilot Ridge until someone stabs me in my sleep in a dark alley or the drugs take me away."

He shook his head; that probably wasn't a good thing to say just then. His lips found Oriel's own, and he pressed them together gently, ignoring the wetness and the salty tears.

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There were reasons why Oriel never complained about his childhood, or about his lack of home life, or about how he practically grew up on the streets New York. It was because, while on those streets, he had heard stories of other kids who had been raised in equally horrible or many times worse conditions than Oriel had. So many, that Oriel felt like he had no right to complain about everything he didn't have. Even Oriel could see how much better his life had been than others had it. However, that didn't make it any easier, in fact, it probably only made it harder on the boy as he refused to let anyone see just how much his circumstances had affected him, just so he wouldn't be seen as the fucking whiny crybaby he was that could only feel sorry for himself.

If Oriel had heard what Phoenix had to deal with, how he got to become the addict he was, Oriel would probably be equally sympathetic. He'd seen that kind of thing before, in the other street kids he'd met who had nowhere else to turn except to their addiction. Though it was because he had seen that, that Oriel so strongly disapproved of addictions(despite the fact that Oriel had nearly turned to alcohol himself before coming to Hammel.)

He wouldn't know if he was a better person than Phoenix, but Oriel surely felt like he was nothing but trash.

Oriel let himself relax at Phen's words. If it was a lie, it was both very kind and oh so cruel. Still, Oriel was attracted by them and they were enough to anchor himself to this other boy for as long as Phoenix will indulge him.

He felt Phoenix wrap his leg around him, making Oriel only shuffle himself even deeper into his arms. "Liar…" he said with a hoarse voice and a stupid sad smile as Phoenix kissed the tears from his cheek. "You'll graduate eventually, you're going to get your life together before then," Oriel cleared his throat, "you're going to clean yourself up…and make something of yourself." Oriel turned his head and kissed Phen's temple and then the rim of his ear. "Because I said so. I ain't gonna let you end up on the streets." Even though, that was definitely where Oriel was likely to end up himself.

As Phoenix turned his head and met their lips, Oriel parted his own to let him inside. It was a far more tender kiss than he'd had with any of his past lovers, but still, far more passionate than any other as well. "I…I want you…." he gasped out as soon as his lips were freed. His head was fuzzy, floating, lost in a high that no drug could match. Oriel couldn't fathom why but, he knew he wanted more of this. "…..fuck me, Phoenix….?" Oriel whispered. It was almost a request.

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Phoenix desperately hoped he could keep the promises he was making. While he didn't plan on leaving Oriel, there was always the chance that yes, something could take him away or even kill him, but he didn't want to take those into account. All he cared about was making sure Oriel didn't feel this way as long as Phen was there, and that he would do his best in order to feel like he was making a difference in this boy's life... Preferably for the better.

Already he knew Oriel was making a different in his. When had he been able to go so long without falling back into snorting dust just because he felt almost like a human being again when Oriel was around?

He let out a small, dry chuckle. "I dunno about that. I've done a pretty good job at fuckin' my life up." Graduation wasn't even something he even tried to think about, although his new trainer was certainly trying her damnedest to get something out of him. He blinked at Oriel as he continued to speak, his Adam's apple bobbing visibly as he swallowed back the emotions welling inside him. "How're you gonna manage t' do that?" he whispered, burying his face against his shoulder. "I'm a worthless piece'a shit that no one wants t' deal with." Even if he did manage to get rid of his addiction, what then? Get a job? No one in their right mind would hire him.

Phoenix was glad that the kiss was accepted wholeheartedly, and lost himself for a moment inside Oriel, feeling a faint warmness in his chest at the simple, affectionate act that was starting to mean more to him than he was willing to accept. As he pulled back, he reached out and brushed a strand of hair from Oriel's cheek, smiling gently at the request.

"Of course, Oriel," he murmured, leaning in to kiss him again before breathing in deeply through his nose and untangling himself slightly from Oriel's embrace. Knowing how Oriel usually was before they actually got to the act, he paused, lips parted for a moment as he tried to think of what to say. "D'you... Did you want t', um, get anything, first, or...?" He wasn't sure how to ease into their usual aggressive foreplay from where they were now, somehow more intimate than Phen had ever felt with him before. "I mean, I'm fine with... Y'know, whatever you want t' do..." He was becoming quite the submissive little bird for Oriel, and he enjoyed it way more than he thought he would.

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Logic. Oriel had this…sometimes. He knew and understood that there were some things that you just couldn't control in life. Sometimes people had no choice but to leave, sometimes people died, and not all of it was Oriel's fault. But the irrational, childish part of him chronically denied this reality and it was that part of him that composed most of Oriel's fears. And the knowledge that he couldn't control those things only propagated them.

And the more attached he became to anyone, even Phoenix, the stronger those fears became.

Honestly - and Oriel would never say this out loud, though Oriel probably didn't even realize it himself - it didn't have to be Phoenix. Anyone would have worked so long as they could feed him what he needed to hear. Though, now that he'd come and poured out his soul to him, Oriel was glad it was him. And he was so incredibly relieved that Phoenix didn't push him away.

"Like fuck you are. And even if it's true, it don't fucking matter." How had this night become about reassuring Phoenix that he was more than just a skinny addict? Then again, taking care of people was something Oriel enjoyed. If he could make them completely dependent on him, then they were less likely to leave, right? "You're mine. And nothing of mine is worthless. And nothing of mine ever fails." Oriel kissed him again, running his hand up to brush through the other boy's silky black hair. "I'll take care you."

Oriel was definitely feeling better now. A lot more like himself. But he was still infected by this feeling he couldn't quite shake…and which he didn't want to. Oriel shook his head with a more normal, snarky smile. "Let's just go vanilla today. Nothing wrong with that, right?" Oriel wasn't sure he had it in him today for his normal games. He'd come up with something better later…for next time. Oriel placed his hand on Phen's shoulder and gently pushed the boy back onto the bed. "Which do you want? Top, or bottom?" Oriel inquired as he straddled himself over the other boy, tilting his head seductively and watching over Phoenix with eyes full of a mixture of want and this silly emotion that he couldn't quite figure out.

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Phoenix didn't really have anyone else to go to for this sort of comfort.... Of course, there was Kam, but what they had was complicated and though he liked her company (which was rare) and did sort of care about her, even if he wouldn't admit it (also rare), he just felt that Oriel... Got him more. Maybe it was because he was a guy, too; he didn't know. But whatever it was, Phen was attracted to it.

He hadn't meant to turn the attention of the conversation on himself, but he just couldn't quite avoid the pity-party. Phen chuckled bitterly, shaking his head up at Oriel. "I'm yours, huh? I guess that ain't so bad. S'nice t' belong t' someone." Even if that just meant he was an object for Oriel to do with as he pleased, he could get his satisfaction. I'll take care of you. The words made him shiver. When had anyone ever said that to him? It had been years, at least. "You can be my drug," he mumbled with a half-smile, closing his eyes momentarily at the gentle caress.

Oriel seemed to be feeling a little better, though; the promise of sex tended to do that to most people, Phen assumed. He rose an eyebrow as Oriel spoke, slightly surprised, but not unpleasantly. "Sounds good t'me. Maybe I won't wake up with bruises for once," he smirked. Not that he ever really minded. He sunk back down into his comforter as Oriel pushed him down, feeling the dampness on his shirt that was slowly drying now that Oriel's tears seemed to have run dry, for the moment. "I'm fine with whatever you want. You're the one that needs the most comforting tonight," he replied with heavy-lidded eyes, settling his hands on either side of Oriel's hips as the boy straddled over him.

He rubbed small circles against Oriel's pelvis with his thumbs, letting his breathing get slower and longer as he looked up at the boy from where he lay. "You know how gorgeous you are, right?" he chuckled, knowing he had said it before, but feeling like he could never say it enough. "I mean, shit. You ran for miles and still look as stunnin' as ever." Not to mention the redness that still touched the corner of his eyes, but Phen was so used to seeing it in his own from other factors that it didn't bother him the least.

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It was fine that the conversation turned like it did. Oriel…felt more alive when he was taking care of other people. It was a distraction, maybe? Or maybe it fulfilled something he needed. Giving others what he never had but always wanted.

"You can be my drug."

"Damn straight," he encouraged this train of thought in Phoenix. Oriel kissed his cheek, then moved up to his eyebrow. "When you're with me…I want your attention to be on me. Not some stupid hallucination." He kissed him again, sliding his hand up Phen's shirt, pulling the cloth up to expose the boy's torso. "I'll make you need me so much, you'll never think about that dust of yours ever again."

Oriel was feeling a bit crazy right now. He was possessed with this person below him, he wanted to own him completely. Oriel crouched himself over Phen and cupped his face between his hands. "I'll be fine. Right now, i wan't to know what you want, Phoenix." His eyes scanned over each and every delicate feature composed on the face of his lover. Oriel couldn't drop his caressing gaze on the boy. "Do you want me, Phoenix?" he asked as if he didn't know. As if he didn't hear those words drop from Phen's lip, as if he didn't see it in his eyes, or feel it from his very hand placed upon Oriel's hips.

Oriel ran his hands up across Phen's abdomen, his pectorals, and up through the bottom of his shirt collar as he leaned forward again to whisper in Phoenix's ear, "Fill your thoughts with me Phoenix." Oriel slid his tongue inside then blew on the wet skin. "Let me consume you." With one more quick movement, Oriel pulled Phen's shirt over his head and tossed it aside.

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Phen's eyelids fluttered closed as Oriel started kissing him, his breathing starting to quicken at the touches and his words. "Nn... You're better than any hallucination," he huffed, his partially bare, thin chest rising and falling as he began to feel the familiar tingles run through his body, filling him with warmth and desire and whatever else that weird emotion at the back of his mind was that he couldn't quite define. "Please, do," he breathed, lifting his hands to rub his fingers against Oriel's back, twisting into the fabric of his shirt as he ached to rip it off. "I..." I don't want to just be an addict anymore. "I need you."

A change was overcoming the boy above him, and Phen caught his intense stare, his fingers tightening into his shirt. This was the Oriel he knew, the one he had first met what seemed like ages ago, but had really only been a couple of months. Phoenix trembled under his touch. "Fuck me, Oriel," he whispered breathlessly, all thoughts of drugs and hallucinations vanishing from his mind as he became completely captivated by him. "I want you so much," he panted, like his actions and reactions were enough. "I want... You... Inside me."

He arched his head back and hissed quietly through his teeth as he felt Oriel's hands sliding up his body, teasing his skin and making his stomach quiver as his body grew taut. "Yes," was all he managed, not caring what Oriel did or how much it might hurt, as long as he... "Don't... Don't stop, please." After Oriel tugged off his shirt, he reached up to do the same to his lover, and whatever happened next was a blur of passion and pain and ecstasy that Phoenix was sure he would never forget.

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Oriel felt like he was holding a child as he spooned his lover from behind, grasping his wrists and holding them down over his chest. Phoenix seemed so much smaller and thinner to him in this position, his wrists were practically nothing but bone. I really do need to fatten him up.

He pulled Phoenix in, as if he could get any closer, and kissed his temple. "You ok?" he asked, whispering into his ear. Oriel knew he could be a little rough, so he always made sure he did an extra good job of taking care of his lover in the aftermath. "You gotta tell me if it's too much or I won't know." It could get dangerous if he wasn't honest about it.

Yes, he was definitely using the safety guidelines that Noa had laid out for him earlier that day.