Blub Blub.... (Oriel)

[Deleted]

Oriel wouldn't have been able to tell if Phen wasn't just playing because, well, Phoenix had never before given Oriel a reason to think the boy would be afraid of the water. It wasn't anything that had come up before. And now, Oriel wished it had. He wished he'd asked more about Phoenix, about who he was before Hammel. All he really knew was that he was from Seattle and had a history of drugs. If he'd asked more about it, maybe Oriel would have known about Phoenix's fear of deep water, and that he couldn't swim.

They really needed to sit down and just….talk. Oriel wanted to know about those kinds of things but…he didn't want to force Phen to talk before he was ready because he knew…Oriel knew that it wouldn't be so easy for himself to talk about his own past.

Oriel could have cried when he finally heard Phoenix gasp upon their returning to the water's surface. He wouldn't have known what to do if Phoenix hadn't been alright, if he had actually drowned. He might have panicked. As it was, he was terrified at how close it'd been.

Oriel pulled in the shivering boy to rest up against his chest, wrapping both arms awkwardly around his shoulders. "Fuuuck…" he groaned out, frustrated at Phen's words. "That's the kind of shit I wanna know!" God, what the hell was he saying? That sounded so cheesy. "So I can….I don't know, I wanna know that kind of shit so I know what I got to stay away from…" Oriel felt like his heart was about to pound itself right out of his chest, he was probably shivering about as much as Phen was. "…Phoenix…." Oriel's voice whined as he spoke his name, his face wincing in pain, though he had no idea where it was coming from.

[Deleted]

Phoenix really wanted to know more about Oriel too. Not only so he could find out more about what made the boy tick, but he just.... Wanted to know. Because it was an important part of who Oriel was, and being in the position that Phoenix was with the boy, he wanted to know all he could. But, like Oriel, he knew it was a difficult subject to bring up, and didn't want to risk what they had by asking nosy questions.

If Oriel asked him anything, though... Phen was ready to talk. He trusted his lover enough to feel alright with sharing those things now, but he was also afraid of loading him down with... All that history. One of these days, though, it would have to be brought up, if this relationship continued to go the way it seemed to be...

He continued to sputter a little bit as he got any remaining water out of his lungs, letting out an anxious whimper as Oriel pulled him in. He clung to his wet form with tight, shivering hands, like he had to that post holding up the pier that had saved his life. "I'm sorry," he mumbled pathetically, pressing his face against Oriel's chest. "I just never thought t'tell you..." He gave another full-body shudder, though this time more from cold than fear. "I'm not afraid of a lotta stuff, but deep water just..." He gave a sort of muffled sound of horror.

He could hear the rapid beat of Oriel's heart with his ear pressed against his chest, and reached up to press a hand over it, looking up at the boy with anxious eyes. "It's okay, I'm okay," he whispered, tilting his head into the hollow of Oriel's throat; he didn't know who he was trying to reassure more. "Just... Let's just get back where it's warm," he suggested quietly, goosebumps all over his skin.

[Deleted]

Oriel was having a hard time breathing which was stupid because he didn't even exert that much stamina to save his Phoenix. The adrenaline was already pumped through his veins, making his heart beat like a jackhammer and his breathing become quick and short as he tried to catch it. In the meantime, he just clung to Phoenix, holding him close against his bare chest as he tried to calm himself down. He didn't even think he noticed the cold air around them.

"I know…" Oriel tried to take comfort in Phoenix's reassuring words, in the fact that he was still there, warm and breathing, speaking; he was alive. That was the important thing.

Oriel nodded, taking in a hard swallow before continuing his ragged breathing that was slowly beginning to calm down. "Ok," he said, his voice still whimpering slightly. This was so stupid. Phoenix was the one who almost drowned, yet Oriel was the one who was falling apart. Phoenix was just…so much stronger than Oriel. This only proved it to the younger boy. As much as Oriel pretended to be an adult, he was still so often just a vulnerable child.

With a tug on Phoenix's arms, Oriel shifted and rose to his feet, guiding Phen up after him, then led them both back to the warm water of the shallow hot tub. He cradled Phoenix in his arms for a while before he spoke up again. "Wh…what happened?" he asked, though he wasn't sure if Phen understand. And if he did, would he answer?

[Deleted]

Phoenix fumbled for Oriel's hand, giving it a tight squeeze as he gave a soft, weak,"Shhhh." He could feel the panic still running through Oriel's body, the fear in his breathing; he, too, was getting over the adrenaline rush of almost drowning, but he knew he was fine now. His Oriel had saved him. And he felt awful that the boy was panicking so much over him, over his well-being; he hated to see him in such a state, especially since he had been the cause.

He continued to make soft, soothing noises as he was held limp and exhausted against Oriel's solid frame, waiting until his breathing had begun to calm down and return to a more normal pace as he weakly caressed his lover. He was fine. They were both fine. Or at least, they would be. He, however, didn't know why Oriel would think he was stronger - all he had done was flail around pathetically and collapse against the boy's chest. He couldn't even fucking swim.

Phoenix stood shakily and followed Oriel back to the hot tub, taking a moment to let his body readjust into the hot water before he relaxed against him again, fitting his head back into that spot in the crook of Oriel's neck that he loved. He stared blankly ahead as Oriel's asked about what happened; he knew what his lover was asking about, but it took several long moments before he began speaking.

"I think I was... Thirteen. Back in Seattle." His voice was low and monotonous, as though speaking about something that had happened to a distant relative. "Me an' a couple of my... Friends had arranged t'pick up some... Y'know, from another gang, on one of the piers." His hands began to clench as the memory expanded in his head. "It all seemed t'go okay, until Jessica, Jess, she... One of the other guys ended up callin' her a whore, an'..." His breath sped up, until he was panting lightly. "She's... She was kinda special t'me, 'cause she was my first..." He shook his head; he didn't even know if he was making sense anymore. "Anyway, I was an idiot an' said somethin' back, I don't even remember what now, and he..." Phoenix gulped, fingers reaching out to grasp onto something comforting, and finding Oriel's hand. "He tossed me into the Puget Sound. I thought... I thought my friends would help me but..."

He slammed his eyes shut, gritting his teeth. "They just left me there! The assholes left me to die! Even, even J-Jess..." Phen smothered his face into Oriel's shoulder, shaking.

[Deleted]

Even though Oriel was holding Phoenix in his arms, with the soothing sounds Phen was making, the hand squeezes, the caresses, Oriel was reminded of how they were the other night when their roles were reversed and Phoenix held the distressed Oriel in his own bed. And then again further back, when Oriel had come to Phoenix when he was in so much agony that he couldn't help but sob and wail in the other boy's arms.

Phoenix had been there to provide so much support for Oriel, he wondered if Phoenix even realized how dependent he had become on the older boy. Dependent on Phoenix's need for him. Dependent on his words, on his kindness, on the inner strength that Phoenix didn't even know he had and had shared with his younger dom on so many occasions. Like now. Even though it was Phoenix that had nearly drowned, Oriel was the one freaking out after the fact and Phoenix was keeping him from losing it, despite the trauma he must have gone through.

Oriel closed his eyes as he listened to Phoenix's story, concentrating more on the sound of Phen's voice than on the story itself. However, he felt something nostalgic as he heard him recant the events, many of them sounding vastly familiar to stories he'd heard before. There were even some elements Oriel could relate to his own past.

First times.

Drugs.

Gangs.

Abandonment.

Oriel moved to wrap his arms around his Phoenix and pulled his face into his solid chest. "Fuckers…" he whispered. Oriel allowed Phoenix all the time he needed to be cradled and shake and calm himself down again. It was another long moment before Oriel spoke again. "Your first……firsts are tough. It's so easy to get attached." Oriel had no idea where he was going with this. But he was suddenly reminded of his own firsts. "Then they just leave, without warning." He held tighter to Phen. "You…." Oriel took a deep breath. "You're…my second," he admitted. "Well, my second guy." And how exactly was that supposed to make Phoenix feel better? Oriel didn't know, but he hoped it did.

[Deleted]

Whatever Oriel could ever want or need from Phoenix, he was determined to do his best to provide it. Whether it be someone to get his sadistic needs out on, someone to talk to, or someone to just hold and caress or be held and caressed by - Phen would do his utmost to give what he could. And now, knowing what Oriel needed most was confirmation that Phoenix was fine, he was doing his best to make him know that he was.

Maybe he really was stronger than he thought. But it was still entirely Oriel's doing, even if he didn't mean it.

He was feeling anything but strong now, though, shivering and whimpering as he retold one of the most damaging events of his life thus far, probably only after the loss of Rue and a couple of other gang-related violences he would save for another time. He had never told anyone besides Rue about it, and that was only after many months of growing to trust the calm, collected boy. But Oriel just had a way of tugging at his heartstrings and making him spill everything, no matter how hard Phen might want to keep something trapped up.

Another muffled sound of pain was released as Oriel pulled him closer, dropping his arms down to wrap around Oriel's solid waist and hold him tightly. He nodded stiffly in agreement to the single-worded comment, taking several minutes before he finished being quite so shivery and calmed down enough to make coherent thoughts again. He listened quietly as Oriel spoke, jerking his head up and down and letting out a deep, shaky sigh. "I never thought... I thought I meant somethin' t'her..." But obviously he hadn't. "So I stopped lettin' people get... Get close." Until Rue. Then that ship sunk and left him even more isolated than ever, until... Until now. He glanced up at Oriel's admission, unsure how he was even supposed to feel about that. "I... I've lost count, I was trippin'... So many times... I dunno how many memories I have are real," he gulped, feeling absolutely awful.

"But you..." He took a long, nervous breath, heart beginning to pound more rapidly in his chest. "Only felt the way... I feel about you... Once before," he said softly. "Years ago." His fingers twisted the ends of Oriel's damp hair, studying the dark locks before forcing himself to look into his lover's eyes. "I..." He swallowed hard. Should he say it? Could he say it? "Nuh-upsshi motsarah," he mumbled, the phrase rolling off of his tongue, recalling faded memories of love from his early childhood years, before he realized the cruelty of the world.

[Deleted]

Oriel wasn't sure if it was the mood, the moment, the fact that he'd come so close to losing his lover, or just that he was with this person who had become so unusually special to him, this person who….loved him…but Oriel was feeling talkative. Open. Like he could actually get something out of him that actually meant something.

"I…" he sucked in a breath, "I know what you mean. Getting close, it just….it just makes it harder….when they finally leave." Oriel squeezed Phoenix again, trying to draw some comfort from their intimate embrace. The way that Phoenix described how he had run through people, it reminded Oriel of himself. The biggest difference between the was, however, is that Oriel had never been as close to anyone as he felt towards Phoenix.

Oriel stifled a laugh when Phoenix, of all things, looked up at Oriel like a blushing bride and declared…whatever it was he just declared in a completely different language. He knew he shouldn't find that funny, but considering how Phoenix so sneakily proclaimed his love for the younger boy before, it was…actually quite adorable. "The fuck's that supposed to mean?" Oriel chuckled out, looking down at Phoenix's adoring face. He was feeling…warm. Ticklish inside. It made him grin wide and mischievously. "It wouldn't happen to be related to….what you said the other night…would it?" Oh, this was going to be fun. He slipped both his hands into the small of Phen's back and pushed him forward to hover over his lover, leering down at him with glimmering, yet teasing eyes. "When you thought I was asleep?"

[Deleted]

It just makes it harder when they leave. Nodding jerkily again, Phen clung even tighter to Oriel, as though by holding him enough he would make sure Oriel never did the same to him. He didn't want to have Rue happen all over again - not now, when he had told himself he would never get this close to anyone again, and had broken his own rule without conscious effort. How had this even happened!? It seemed like ages ago that Oriel had fallen onto him from that tree, but it had only been.. What? Three months? And now here he was, falling in love all over again and there was nothing he could do to stop it and ohmygod what was he thinking and what was he doing...

He snapped his lips shut after his blurted words, which made no sense to Oriel and probably sounded like some stupid garble. The boy's laugh made Phen give him an embarrassed, questioning look, and his gaze darted away at the question. "Means...." Before he could muster the courage to tell him in English, Oriel was giving him that mischievous grin, and Phoenix's eyes began to widen as his lover spoke, until his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest and he was shrinking away with mortification. "You weren't supposed to hear that!" he squeaked, realizing that Oriel had known Phoenix loved him this entire time, and hadn't said anything about it!!! "You - you-!" He shoved weakly at Oriel's chest, letting out a small bubble of laughter filled with uncertainty.

"Fucker," he breathed, leaning his head forward to rest his forehead against Oriel's jaw. "Why didn't you say anything?" He wasn't sure if he should be relieved that Oriel hadn't spoken up, or worried - what if Oriel thought he was just being stupid?

[Deleted]

Oriel's eyes only brightened even more, electrified at seeing Phoenix flail and fluster about when he realized that Oriel had heard his secret confession of loooove, pulling the thin boy in even closer and continuing to leer down at him with an ever growing, perverse smile. "Not my fault you let it slip," he teased his adorable, blushing lover.

He traced his hand up across Phen's patterned back and cradled over the back of his neck, placing his lips against Phen's forehead then turning to rest on his cheek. "I…I don't know," he started, his voice swirling with confusion. "Was just thinking I guess." Oriel had been doing a lot of thinking over the past few days since he heard it. It was a bit of a shock to hear, Oriel wasn't certain how he would have reacted if he'd brought it up to Phen sooner. Oriel had gone through such a myriad of emotions since then, it was confusing, he wasn't even sure how to begin to sort it out and make sense of it all himself, much less express it to Phoenix.

"And watching." Oriel wished he could say he'd always known, but, despite being as perceptive as he was, Oriel would not have even been able to begin to fathom the possibility that someone might actually love this hopeless, deviant, trouble-making child. He still wasn't sure he believed it. He knew that Phoenix was attached, that much was obvious. But love? Oriel wouldn't even know how to begin to identify that. Was it even possible?

But watching Phoenix over the past few days, mulling over those words in his head, correlating them with his actions, his expressions….it….might….be true. And then associating them with his own feelings, which had been confusing Oriel from the start….

"I told you….you were my second guy," he continued on with what he was saying earlier, moving to tuck Phoenix into the crook of his neck, resting Phen's head against his collarbone. "I've had….a shit-ton of girls. Went through them like candy. Kept them around, took care of 'em, just so I had something convenient to fuck when I needed it." He didn't know if any of them loved him, but every single one of them left Oriel for one reason or another. A decision he made many of them regret. "You're…the first person…I ever had feelings for that…just make me so goddamn fucking confused." He expelled a series of short, nervous laughs. "I don't even know."

Oriel's grip around the boy grew tighter. "I…" his voice cracked and he took another hard breath. "I don't even know what the fuck love is supposed to be. Never had it, never gave it." There's no way it could be like all that sappy shit he saw romanticized in movies and television. "I just know….nothing is normal when it comes to you. Like, everything, all my emotions and shit, are just so much more fucking intense when you're around…." Did that even make any sense? It just sounded even more confusing to Oriel. "Hell, I'm even a better fucking person when I'm around you."

Oriel swallowed again, tightening himself even more. This was so not like him, he was so far out of his element, he could feel his insides turn and twist and shiver all the way to his bones. "And I know…I like it….and I want to keep feeling like that…like this…" If that made any fucking sense.

Oriel twisted his face into Phen's drying black hair and kissed it, closing his eyes anxiously. He felt so stupid...and at the same time so...calm.

[Deleted]

Phen didn't know how to feel about Oriel's initial response to his mortification; his teasing grin, his mischievous stare. His face felt hot and flushed and the warm water suddenly felt uncomfortable, but he didn't move. He was trapped, emotionally and physically, where he was, waiting to see what Oriel would say. He, however, was not expecting what was coming.

He shivered as Oriel's fingers trailed up his spine, tilting his head to the side when Oriel kissed his forehead and leaned against him. His own hands ran up and down the small of Oriel's back, slowly, carefully, anxiously. "Oh," he stated softly, unsure of how to respond at first. Thinking... Was good, right? At least the boy hadn't thought badly and begun to distance himself from Phoenix. Right?

His flush felt even warmer, if that was possible. Watching him? Phoenix, in his own head, thought he was quite obvious with his affections, doting on Oriel's every move, hanging on his words, doing what he asked with only loving retorts. But then again... To someone who had never experienced love before, Phoenix supposed his actions could just be seen as obsession, which he guessed to some extent it was. But he knew, as he so badly wanted to express, the depth of his own emotion; he had experienced love before, and it was just as he felt now. Different, for a different person, but no less intense and breath-catching.

As Oriel continued, Phoenix's hands trailed from his back up to his shoulders, fidgeting once more with the ends of his lover's hair, focusing on the damp locks as he tried to keep his breath calm. He didn't resist when Oriel pulled him in, closing his eyes tightly and nuzzling his forehead supportively under the boy's jaw. He had thought as much about Oriel's past, so it didn't surprise or shock him to hear him say such things about his sexual history. When the boy focused back on Phen, however, his breath caught in his throat and his heart seemed to stop for several moments before picking up again at a much more rapid pace. He gave a small, weak chuckle as Oriel did, but it was breathy and nervous and full of emotions he didn't know how to begin to understand.

Phoenix gave a sympathetic squeeze around Oriel's neck as he spoke of love, his chest aching to hear the anxiety and uncertainty clear in his cracking voice. He didn't speak, only held him, until Oriel was finished speaking entirely, and it was a long moment before he nestled himself deeply in Oriel's lap and tilted back his head enough to kiss him softly while he tried to collect his thoughts. He felt like he could pass out from the overwhelming feelings shivering through his body, and it took all his effort to be able to try to explain himself in words.

It came out far more simply than he would have thought he could muster. "I understand that y'don't know what love is, an' I ain't sayin' this 'cause I want t' guilt you into thinkin' you do," he started slowly, fingers brushing against Oriel's jawline. "But I... I love you, an' I know that for a fact. Everythin' you do, everythin' you say, makes me just... Fall for you even more an' more no matter what I fuckin' do," he laughed breathlessly. "You're the first person in years t'be able to make me more than just a fuckin' hallucinating corpse, without purpose or direction or worth."

Ahh, he wished he was better with words. "I don't know how you did it, but... You did. An' there's nothing I can do t'thank you enough, but to... T'promise you I ain't leaving you an' do everything I can t'make you as happy as you make me."

Spent, he fell lax into Oriel's chest again, shivering despite the warmth. He couldn't ever remember feeling so close to anyone for so long, physically and emotionally, he knew he should be scared. But... He wasn't. All he felt was calm and content, having finally spoken what he had been bursting to say for so long.

[Deleted]

Oriel soaked in Phoenix's words like they were a drug, a tranquilizer, that flushed out all of the worries and woes that had plagued the boy throughout his lifetime. He didn't know if it would last, but for the moment, Oriel was happy. He was content. More so than he ever thought possible. There was just so much perfection in this moment, Oriel was too scared to move from it. If it were possible, Oriel would stay like this with Phoenix in his arms, the two of them alone in this room, forever.

But since even he knew they couldn't do that, he would settle for staying as long as they could, until morning if possible.

Oriel smiled into Phen's thick, matted hair. "I…I'll figure it out," he assured Phoenix, his voice a lot calmer now that he'd gotten everything out. "I can't say it yet," he was terrified to more than anything, to put a name to, to put a label on whatever it was they had between them, "It's going to take some time before I can, I think, but…I do know I want you by my side…for as long as long as you'll stay…" He barked out a sharp laugh, not completely sure what to make of these stupid, cheesy words that were pouring from his mouth. "And if that happens to be forever, then I'll fucking take it!"

There was…not much more that he had to say, and at the same time so much more that it would take a lifetime to get through it all. And it very well might. For the moment, however, Oriel felt they'd gotten past the most important part. They had plenty of time to get through, to work through the rest of it.

"I feel like…" he snickered, feeling absolutely ridiculous making this comparison, "that guy Motel. You remember that fucker?" Oriel wondered if Phen did, when they watched that stupid movie together a few months back. "Like I wanna break into song and sing hallelujahs to the world or some shit like that." He laughed at himself, though he had no idea why that thought alone was also making his eyes burn and start to tear up. It was so fucking stupid, he didn't get it at all. It was all so overwhelming.

[Deleted]

Now that the fear of potential rejection was over, Phoenix couldn't recall feeling so light and giddy in his life. While on the outside he was limp and resting against the comfort of Oriel's chest, inside his heart felt like it was doing flips in his chest; he even thought he might understand what it felt to have butterflies in his stomach, for the strange fluttering he felt. He had no intention of moving anywhere for the rest of the night, simply basking in each others' presence and letting the bliss of confession roll over them like a blanket and smother them in its comforting embrace.

He smiled faintly. "I'll wait for you to," he replied, tracing his fingers against Oriel's ribs. "I ain't going anywhere, so there's no hurry." Phen was content enough with what the boy had told him; he understood that he couldn't say it yet. Didn't mean Phoenix wouldn't say it himself again, though. He grinned at the cheesiness, nuzzling his face into Oriel's neck, drinking in his laughter and happiness. "Forever doesn't sound too bad," he smiled widely, his eyes creasing as he let out a giggle and smothered his throat with kisses.

How had he gotten so lucky? It was overwhelming.

He tilted his head back and looped his arms around Oriel's neck again, gazing at his lover's features as he started speaking. Phen chuckled as he brought up that ridiculous song, nodding. He remembered alright. He had been jealous of that silly fictional couple from the moment the song started. "I feel the same," he laughed, brushing his fingers through Oriel's hair, all previous thoughts of fear and abandonment gone from his head. "No one'd want t'hear me sing though, I can't carry a tune t'save my life," he snickered. His own eyes were wet with moisture, and, seeing the light of unshed tears in Oriel's eyes, he quieted down and brushed the pads of his thumbs under his bottom lashline. "So..." he started quietly. "What're we now?" Should they even put a label on it? Calling Oriel his boyfriend just... Didn't seem right, for some reason. Too impersonal, or something. "My Oriel?" he added with a small grin.

[Deleted]

Oriel could deal with forever. And if sometime during that forever, Oriel figured out what the fuck all this was, then he'd deal with it then.

"It's weird, ain't it?" He wondered if this was what all those people sang about when they suddenly burst out serenading their lovers. "You don't have to, I was just saying." No way was Oriel going to do something so cheesy here, now, even if he wanted to, even if he knew he could.

"So...What're we now?"

Oriel shook his head, chuckling nervously. "I have no fucking clue. You're the one who's done this before," Oriel hurriedly tried to put the burden back on Phen. "What do you think?" Was he smiling too? Had it ever left his face even once since this whole conversation started? It seemed like he couldn't do it anymore, but then he'd just surprise himself with something new and it would shine brighter. "Really, whatever works, I'll…" Oriel leaned down and kissed Phen lightly on the nose. "I'll just deal with it." His smile thinned into a devious smirk. "My lovely little Phoenix. My lovely squishy muffin-butt. My delicious little twinkle." Oriel could go on all day with the pet names, until he found the right one. He snickered, obviously teasing the older boy, and playfully stuck out his tongue.

[Deleted]

Phen pouted his lip out as Oriel gave the pressure back to him, though he understood the reasoning. "It's been a while," he grumbled lightly, thinking of where he and Rue were now. That was a conversation for another day. "I mean... If we're, y'know... Goin' exclusive... Technically, I guess, that makes you myyyy booooyfriend." He drawled it out, testing the words on his tongue. It gave him a giddy little jump in his chest. "Whadaya think?" He said it casually, though the words held a lot of weight. He scrunched his nose up as Oriel kissed it, and continued to scrunch it as Oriel went on with some of the most absurd pet names Phen could imagine. He sighed. "If that's what you wanna call me, I ain't complainin'," he chuckled. Though... "Muffin-butt?" he questioned, shifting his rump in Oriel's lap. "Only reason it's squishy is 'cause you keep stuffin' me with food," he clucked with an amused grin. "Gorgeous. Sweetheart. Daaarling~" He raised the pitch of his voice to match with the ridiculous names, fluttering his lashes at his... Oriel.

[Deleted]

Oriel bit his lip, mentally straddling the line between wanting to move forward and try it out on his tongue, or wanting to resist turning this into something that sounded so fucking weird to him. He could feel it wanting to come out, but the side of him that didn't like to take things seriously was slowly rearing it's ugly head to avoid having to. "Booy…toy. Looo-ver." Though the way Phoenix acted sometimes, Oriel might as well call him, "Giiirl-fraan." His tongue made another snarky appearance.

"Seriously? Come on, you know you like it." Oriel haughtily cocked his head and puffed out his chest. Oriel was a stupendous cook and Phen knew it, otherwise he wouldn't devour the food like he did. But then again, Oriel would probably just make him eat it anyway. He leaned in and whispered in a sing-song voice, "I'm gonna make you faa~aat," followed by another peck on the lips. "Tubby. Lard-boy. Fluffy-bubby." Oriel's hands dipped further into the water to grab and squeeze that rump of his.