I Am a Fire, You're Gasoline (Lucah)

[Calliope Gallo]

Callie had been stressing. She'd been running herself into the ground trying to avoid certain people. Trying to focus on school work instead of the impending storm she'd unknowingly be stirring.

She wasn't ready. Not for this.

But sleep was evading her, and it was late. Glancing idly at the door, she wondered if she should call Sammy and ask if she was busy. The other girl's bright demeanour always did wonders to calm the half-Greek down when she got this worked up. Her blue eyes turned down to her phone moments later. No, not Sammy. There was something else she wanted to call. To reach out to. She ran her tongue across her bottom lip, grabbing the device and spinning around in her chair.

No way. That was way too dangerous.

She called Lucah and asked him if he could come over. She said she knew it was late, and that she was sorry if she woke him up, but that she needed him. She sounded almost frantic on the phone. Distressed. He said he'd be there right away. So she went out and waited in the common room, determined to open the door and usher him in as soon as he got there.

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Things were turning out to be just like when he first moved to America. Everyone hated him, he didn't fit in and he was homesick. He missed his sister more than he could express, he missed Naus and he missed the memories he had in Romania with his mother. With all of the bull shit that was piling up lately, he debated more and more on just leaving. No one wanted him here. Everyone thought he was better off anywhere else. So why should he stay?

His phone lit up as he lay in his bed, strumming his guitar very lightly as he hummed a song he'd been writing. The name that lit the screen was not only the muse behind his song, but also his only real reason for staying (other than his job, but even that was getting a little rough). Callie.

Lucah wondered why he tortured himself so as he picked up the phone. Temptation to let it go to voicemail almost won out. After all the things he'd been told by Valerie, by Noah, by everyone that knew her and didn't know him, he didn't understand why he put himself through it. Did she even care? He hadn't seen her since the retreat, mostly because he'd drowned himself in work and made it seem like he was busy. Not to mention, she had her own school work to handle as he did. It was a mutual thing, but he still felt guilty.

The phone buzzed again and he finally answered to hear a frantic Callie on the other end. All prior thought of torture left his mind and after telling her he'd be right there, he hung up, got dressed and zoomed out the door.

Not long after, he found himself standing in front of her dorm room door and he sighed. What could she want from him when she had so many others that loved her? Tapping on the door, he shoved his hands in his pockets and waited.

[Calliope Gallo]

As soon as he knocked on the door, Callie practically flew off the couch and ran to it, stopping for a brief moment to take a breath before actually opening the door. There she saw him standing, waiting for her. Just like he had been since they started dating. He'd been quite possibly the most patient individual she'd ever met, and she hated putting him through everything she felt she had.

"Come in." She said quietly, standing to the side and allowing him to walk in. Once he did, she promptly closed the door behind him. Her arm curled around his and she lead him towards her dorm, reassured that none of her roommates were awake and pondering around their doors listening. None of them cared.

"I didn't wake you up, did I? I just- I couldn't sleep." She explained, closing the dorm room door behind her before glancing back at him again. "Things are just... They feel so hectic, y'know?"

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah's eyes lifted from the ground to her eyes when the door opened and he remembered why he put himself through the torture. He loved her. Simple and plain as it was, he kept it to himself as best he could. Of course getting drunk hadn't helped, but he liked to think that he played it off well enough that she would blame it on that instead of what he was actually feeling. Though she probably thought it was him pressuring her... he cut the thought off before it kept going.

He'd been reliving his conversations with Noah and Valerie in his head day in and day out. He noticed the glances he got from one of the other dancers that was friends with Callie, too. Rowan or whatever the fuck his name was. No one wanted them to end up together, yet he waited. He hoped. And he was often granted with small things that stoked the fire that was his hope. Then there were the bigger things that doused the fire and had him sulking again.

It was a constant cycle of hoping and not hoping.

Her arm curled around his as he was led to her room and he followed quietly. Once she asked him a question outright, he cleared his throat, "No, I was still awake. Working on a new song." Lucah shrugged. "School and work I take it?" He asked gently, trying to keep the distance out of his voice. With the people he was constantly around, he never held the same kind of warmth in his voice that he had once. And it was difficult to get it back now. But he was trying.

[Calliope Gallo]

Relief washed over her in a clearly defined wave when he said he was still awake. She would have felt worse for dragging him all the way out here if he had been asleep. But never mind; she let that thought go - it didn't really matter. As she walked more into her room, Callie wandered past her bed and opted to lean against the adjacent wall. Some kind of stability was important.

"Nope." She replied honestly, "Just you."

For a second, her bright eyes watched over him to see how he'd react to something like that. That for once, it wasn't going to be about their work or school or her family. It was just him. Them. "I've been thinking a lot lately. About us, I mean. I-" She paused, glancing away from him quickly and down towards the ground. She tugged at the hem of Eric's UVM sweatshirt that she loved to wear so much. It was something to fiddle with through the awkwardness. "What do you think? About us?"

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah's shock was evident on his face. How could it not be? Every time things got crazy, both of them blamed it on work overload or school work. Something that wasn't really what was bothering them. He was guilty of it, too. But for her to outright say that he was the reason behind the hectic feelings, he didn't know how to respond. He didn't know if it was good or bad. He didn't know what was going through her mind. All he knew, was that he felt like he'd been doused in flames because that was more uncomfortable than the typical icy chill.

He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and looked down, the silence hanging over them for a bit. Luc didn't know what to feel. So he settled for indifference because he was sick of being vulnerable in the kinds of situations that led to heartbreak for him.

Her questions made him think. What did he think about them? All he could know was what he thought about her. About how beautiful she was, how she saw right through him and how she knew that deep down, there was a good guy behind the cold exterior. He knew that she made him try to be a better person and that he felt like a better one when he was with her.

But then there were the things that everyone else said about them....

"Well, I don't quite know what you mean, Callie. What is it about us that you are asking me about?" He asked quietly, hands closing into fists in his pockets.

[Calliope Gallo]

The silence between them was riddled with some kind of tension. At least it was on Callie's side of things. She couldn't reside to a simple explanation for her feelings. And he didn't seem to want one. Or rather, he didn't ask. Perhaps he was giving her the proverbial space to make up her own mind. But she'd spent the last few months trying to make up her mind - to convince herself that whatever feelings she might have had for other people were just distractions; her mind's way of telling her she wasn't good enough for him.

"What you think." She repeated, though she knew it wouldn't make sense this time either. "I mean, do you think about me much? No, wait-" She waved her hand idly in front of her. That wasn't what she meant either. "I'm just trying to understand you. It's been months. Almost a year. Why do you keep waiting for me?"

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah could feel the tension building up plenty. Maybe it was because he was waiting for it all to go down hill. The last time he'd seen her, before she left for the retreat, he had been comforted by her words and her presence. Then everything got complicated because all of her friends decided to tell him how wrong he was for her and that he was such a horrible person. He couldn't help but start believing it the longer he went without her. The retreat had been over months ago. But their schedules were always at odds with each other so he figured the best thing to do was give her space until she wanted to see him and had time to see him.

Granted he didn't know about the other feelings she had towards other people, but the way he saw it, it wasn't his right to get angry about them. If she had feelings for others, that was the beauty of casual dating, he had no right to get jealous or say how much it bothered him.

Lucah looked up at her and back down again with a sigh. It had been almost a year. A year of waiting around for someone that didn't want to be labeled as his girlfriend because of what it entitled. Or something like that. He didn't know the reason why she didn't want to be officially his girlfriend, but he thought it best to let it alone after they talked about it the first few times. By now, he was just used to not being her boyfriend. It didn't lessen his feelings towards her though. Not at all.

"Of course I think about you often, Callie. And you know why I wait, despite my best efforts not to let things get complicated, my drunken stupor didn't really help me out there. I can't just walk away unless...well, unless you want me to," Luc had trouble getting the last of it out. His throat was closing up on him.

[Calliope Gallo]

Calliope's blue eyes widened at his words. As if she'd want him to walk away? She twisted her mouth into something of a frown, her eyebrows furrowing as concern flashed onto her features. "If I wanted you to, I would have told you to already." She admitted, keeping her gaze securely on the floor now.

"I just... Can I be honest with you?" Callie asked, confusion eminent in her tone again. She didn't even know what she was trying to say anymore. "I was hoping you'd realise I wasn't... I don't know, worth it. Or something. That's not the right word." She shook her head, unable to think of what the equivalent to unworthy was that she was trying to think of. She continued to stare down at her toes as her mind raced to catch the speed of her erratically beating heart. "Why wait a year for someone to be ready for you, Lucah? You're better than that. You deserve better than that."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

"I'm still waiting for it to happen, Cal..." He whispered. Because there was just no way that she wanted him. She had the world wrapped around her finger, yet still offered him the time of day. How had her friends not gotten through to her yet? Clearly they had enough bad things to say about him that it should help her see how awful he was? Why did she think that he was worth her time? He was the one that everyone hated. He was this dark, cynical man that couldn't show outward happiness unless given a damn good reason.

And that reason was usually her...

Lucah frowned deeper at her words. How could she say that? She was plenty worth it. Every second he spent trying to win her over was well spent and he wouldn't trade that MANifesto date for anything. He cared very much about her. And about them. "Callie, love...you are worth it. What can I say, I'm a hopeless kind of guy. I hope for things that may never happen, but I can't help it. I found something, someone, that made me feel like a better person. That helped me through something that would have taken a lot longer to get through if I hadn't had you there. You really don't seem to see the effect you have on me," He smiled sadly.

[Calliope Gallo]

"You shouldn't be." Callie replied quickly; as quietly as he had offered his response.

When he spoke, she felt the overwhelming urge to go over towards him. But she was frozen, as if glued to the wall she was leaning against. The only thing she could do was look at him with that desperation. "You're right, I don't." She admitted, though she didn't sound sad about that. She'd always seen him for the person he was, not the person people assumed him to be. Ever since she'd seen him that day in the courtyard, at what he thought was his lowest point.

"What're you hoping for?" She asked instead, determined to keep her gaze fixated on him. "With me, I mean..."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

Lucah didn't move, he didn't have it in him to step closer to her because he too was frozen. Frozen with fear, frozen with helplessness. All of these things were just taking such a toll on him and he wasn't even sure how long he could keep going. He had no idea what she knew. What she'd heard about. Whether Val told her of the little spat between them. Or if Noah told her that Lucah was being a sucky roommate. He didn't know anything at this point other than what he felt and even then, he was in denial.

He sighed, his eyes on the ground for the moment and rubbed the back of his neck. When he was finally able to look up he noticed that she was looking straight at him. It didn't make answering any easier, in fact, he was sure that if he kept eye contact with her while saying it, he'd never get through what he needed to.

"Callie, I just want you," He said softly, eyes traveling up to meet hers reluctantly. "In any way I can have you. Be it as just friends or more, I want whatever makes you happy and whatever grants me with a way to keep you in my life." And he wanted her to love him as much as he was starting to love her, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. It wouldn't be fair to her.

[Calliope Gallo]

It eventually became evident to the half-Greek that Lucah was as frozen in the moment as she was. But suspended between them was everything that mattered. All the important words and phrases; all the effervescent feelings and emotions. If she could just feel him; touch his skin and hold his face within her hands. She was sure he'd know.

But with everything he said, she felt an overwhelming surge of courage. She was looking right at him, laying everything she had on the proverbial table between them. Even if he shifted his glance around, he'd look back up to find her eyes staring right into his.

Despite the distance - she could see him, clear as day; "Then take me."

[Lucah Ivaskov]

It was so simple. Her answer anyway, the situation wasn't quite so. Or maybe it was and he was merely overthinking absolutely every move he made. That seemed more likely. He wanted it all to be simple. He wanted her. But there were factors that kept him from having her and he knew that no matter what he did, those factors would always nag at the back of his mind. In Noah's voice. In Valerie's. Was he really what she deserved? He didn't think so, but her words, simple as they were, were like a force pulling him in.

He couldn't deny it anymore.

After a moment of hesitation, he closed the distance with three of those insanely long strides of his and stopped in front of her. His teeth met his lip and he pushed back those voices in his mind telling him it would all backfire. What should he say? Words weren't really his thing, not unless they were in a song. So he did something that would probably end in him regretting it and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a kiss.

Luc let his lips linger on her's or a moment, nothing insanely passionate, just a tinge of desperation. He wanted her. It was that simple. "Callie, please..." He said softly, but he couldn't continue. It was the same argument they always had (though never really an argument). She knew what he wanted.

[Calliope Gallo]

The moment was absolutely terrifying. There Calliope stood, against a wall with everything laid bare in front of her. To be so raw - so emotionally exposed - was the most horrifying feeling she'd ever come across. He could have left. She was sure he'd deny her. She wasn't even sure what she was asking for anymore. The words had fallen from her mouth in some kind of frustratingly confusing display of emotion. She was just sick of him being so scared of her.

Of course she thought that. She didn't know about the army of people in her corner threatening him.

The sliver of hesitation tore into every fiber of her being, and she knew then that she'd failed. Him. Her. Them. She'd done something wrong, or waited too long and now it was decimated.

But it was over, and the next time she looked he was racing towards her in stride. He was holding her, dragging her inward and kissing her with such intention. But when he retracted, her eyebrows furrowed and she glanced at him with confusion. No. Her lips parted, her breath very briefly catching in her throat as her hands moved across the fabric of his shirt. Her shoulders lifted in a shrug and she drank in the glacial ravines that were his gaze; "Don't ask me." She pleaded with him.