AU: Cloudy (Devon)

[Devon Wentsworth]

The fact that they could possibly be in his own mind did occur to Devon but he refused to think about it too much. He didn't have any ability to create a world like this, never mind trap another person and himself inside one. Besides, if it was his mind surely there would have been more scantily clad redheads holding cake and less... well... Sean. Devon liked the psychiatrist well enough, but he couldn't think of a scenario where he'd chose Sean over Melisandre, Sarah Rafferty or Matt Bellamy. As that thought occurred to him he remembered who he was actually currently with and cringed slightly, thinking the word 'sorry' in case Sean had heard that.

It was reassuring for Devon to know that Sean had never been stuck in a place like this before. “That's good to know, then.” The older man's obvious lack of panic was serving well to keep Devon calm enough, for now, and the lack of any feeling of enclosure was definitely helping with that. It would likely have been a very different story if they were in a cupboard or something.

As Sean held out the camera towards him, Devon took it with a smile and a “thanks!” but it slowly turned into a slight frown. “How come you can do that and I can't? Is it just 'cos we're in a mind thing and I'm not as swish as you with that?” It was a little frustrating having to rely on someone else this much and not find his own path, but Devon played with the camera for a moment and then tried taking a picture of the trippy waterfall. It seemed to work, at least.

When Sean mentioned that they should probably find a way out before Devon considered setting up camp here, the Brit gave a small slightly resigned nod of his head. “Makes sense, I guess. Have you got any clues about where that could be?” Suddenly Devon could hear the soft sound of music playing in the distance, the song faint and lyric-less but oh so very familiar to him. It had spent the past decade being one of his favourite songs to play on the drums, after all. “Ah... That's either a clue about where we need to go, or a sign that we should probably get a move on.”

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean had heard, but he took no offense. “You don’t have to apologize,” the telepath said as his lips turned upward into a grin. Truly, he was not offended. “The only person I expect to fantasize about me is Josh.” That was an expectation and not an entitlement. He expected his partner to be attracted to him, because Josh was, and that was an important aspect of their intimate relationship. However, if (and this was an if that Sean did not expect to come to pass) Josh one day found himself no longer attracted to the telepath, then that was his right and they would discuss it, and proceed, accordingly.

Beyond that, Sean was monogamous and only interested in his partner. As such, he didn’t care if everyone else in the world found him attractive, or if everyone else in the world expected him to be asexual because of his age. He had no expectations.

The telepath crossed his arms over his chest, and then remarked, “I do want to point out that I’m not a hallucination; I’m real. My presence has nothing to do with anything your subconscious might want and everything to do with some sort of power surge.”

Which was to say that the older man still didn’t know how he had been pulled in here – be it Devon’s mind or someone else’s – but he was quite certain of what (if not where, exactly) this was.

At the younger man’s question, Sean nodded a single time. “Precisely that.” He jerked his head once to substitute for a gesture with his hands, intending to encompass the “world” around them. “This is my domain.” This was why he could do what he wanted in the mind, but why he was so limited (comparatively) in the physical realm. He couldn’t shift form in the physical world, just as he couldn’t teleport, couldn’t summon objects, and couldn’t affect the laws of physics. Here, it was different, and while he didn’t often linger, he could appreciate what he could do.

The telepath cocked his head, hearing the wafting melody of music that had not existed a moment ago. “I’d agree. Are you ready?” While Sean didn’t want to rush the younger man, he did think that it was best for them not to split up at the moment.

[Devon Wentsworth]

A brain-mouth filter was something that Devon had lacked for most of his life, and whilst generally it didn’t prove too much of an issue, sometimes he did get caught out and ended up regretting the words that slipped by without being audited first. It wasn’t often that he had to worry about filtering his thoughts, and that was by far more difficult and awkward. Especially considering the avenues that his thoughts tended to drift down.

In this moment he had been caught out thinking something honest but hardly flattering, and he did desperately hope that Sean hadn’t really picked up on it. That thought was dashed on the rocks as Sean responded to his unspoken apology, and a very rare flush of colour clouded Devon’s cheeks as he internally scolded himself. At least Sean didn’t seem offended by it, at least. Devon gave a small shrug of his shoulders and an attempt at a smile to lighten the tension that he felt creeping over his shoulders. “And I’m sure Josh does.” No, wait, that sounded a bit creepy even to him. Devon frowned at himself, looking away to a nearby tree and trying to change the subject. “Oh look! That bird’s got… are they gills?”

Devon gave a nod as Sean tried to explain that he was really there, that he wasn’t merely a hallucination of some sort. “It’s weird though, ain’t it? I mean, why us and now? What’s the goal here?” The strange gilled bird took off, flying high above them before plunging into the trippy pool at the bottom of the rainbow waterrise. “I guess this place is making my artwork seem a bit more normal, at least.”

The Brit couldn’t help but give a quiet chuckle as Sean described the place as his ‘domain’, amused grey eyes flicking over to the psychiatrist before returning to scoping around them. “Domain, ey? That sounds very regal. I haven’t got a domain, I think… Unless I took over a burrow or something.”

Devon knew the music intimately and it was a song that he loved dearly. However, the theme of it and what it meant, matched with the timing of its appearance, did make him a little wary of the fact that they still weren’t a hundred percent sure of where they were or how to get out. Suddenly, everything seemed to be moving at a slightly quicker pace. “Yeah, I’m ready enough, I think.” Devon quirked his head slightly, working out which direction the music was coming from. “I think it’s this way.” Devon set off down a path leading away from the waterrise, but he snatched one last long glance at it over his shoulder. Man, he already missed its trippy beauty.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean chuckled, although he didn’t reply to Devon’s awkward attempt at assurance. He didn’t require the external validation, and so the younger man’s embarrassment was unwarranted, and his attempts to cover himself were more amusing than anything else. The least that the telepath could do was take the segue gracefully, calling no further attention to the line of conversation. To that end, he turned to look at the bird that Devon had noticed, and he nodded twice. “That’s what it looks like. It makes sense, if the water falls upward.” The birds would have to pass through significant water while flying, and that was a handy evolutionary adaptation.

What Sean liked about science was that it was so fundamentally incorporated into life that even an abstract mindscape followed certain patterns and rules. Perhaps he could write a paper on that topic someday.

The older man then shook his head. While it was peculiar in one sense, he thought that Devon had asked the wrong questions, and he had coupled them incorrectly. “I don’t think there’s a purpose; I’m sure we aren’t being tested.” Enough years as a meta-human, surrounded by other meta-humans, had demonstrated time and again the unpredictability of untrained powers. Moreover, mindscapes didn’t have goals; they simply were. Someone who entered might have a goal while there, but the question was akin to inquiring into the goal of a mountain (not climbing a mountain but the mountain itself). “As for the others, it depends on who this is.” He emphasized that by gesturing around them at the sum of the mindscape.

It wasn’t him, which was all that he could say for certain.

He chuckled again, and his eyes crinkled despite the utter lack of age lines in his current projection. “Every power is different, and there’s something nice about shapeshifting.” The telepath had a certain admiration for physical powers, as they were the polar opposite of his own abilities.

“Lead away.” With that, Sean fell into step with Devon, as they left the waterrise behind. Unlike the younger man, the telepath didn’t turn his head; he had seen enough.

[Devon Wentsworth]

As Sean spoke about the bird Devon nodded too in response. “Yeah, makes sense. It’d be interestin’ to see if the fish have wings or somethin’. Or even if there’s any fish at all, really.” If the water was going up, then it’d make sense that the pool at the bottom would eventually empty, which would make it really suck to be a fish. But then, maybe the fish swam up the waterfall, like salmon. It’d certainly make fishing one hell of an extreme sport. Maybe then it’d be less boring to watch.

Devon’s eyes (and his attention) flitted fitfully around the landscape, trying to take in and retain as much of everything as he could. He wanted to see everything, remember everything, and focussing on how bizarre and wonderful everything was went a long way to stopping him panicking about the possibility of not being able to get back.

Giving a small nod of his head again as Sean spoke, Devon made a mental note to do a hell of a lot of research about mental powers when he got back. He had only been taught the basics of what they were capable of while at Kocher and here he was feeling so out of his depth it was actually a little uncomfortable. If nothing else, it would likely help him be a bit more effective while teaching at Hammel. “I guess that a bit of a relief, then. Us not bein’ tested, I mean. I obviously don’t have a clue what the hell I’m doin’.”

A smile curled the corner of Devon’s lips as Sean said there was something nice about being able to shapeshift. “Oh yeah, I ain’t complaining. I’m happy with my lot, even if it does make everythin’ ache in winter. I don’t think there’s anythin’ I’d change it for.” That was true, at least. Over the years Devon had become incredibly attached to his ability and often spent hours at a time in another form, just lounging or playing. It was incredibly liberating, and he struggled to imagine his life without it.

Once they had gained some distance from the waterrise the music became gradually louder and clearer, Devon idly tapping the rhythm on the side of his leg with his fingertips as they walked. For a while there was nothing remarkable, but then they came across a giant tree blocking the path. It looked like an ancient elm, with a small door in the side of it. Devon glanced at it for a moment, but curiosity quickly took over and he cracked the door open. Inside seemed to be pitch black and he couldn’t make a single shape out in the darkness. The Brit shook his head and paced back away from the door. “Yeah. No. I’m not going in there.”

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean’s goal was not to make the younger man uncomfortable, quite the contrary. Instead, the telepath was simply in his element, and he was utterly at ease despite the lack of knowledge regarding where, exactly, they were and who had brought them there. Through that confidence, he wanted Devon to feel at ease as well, because the situation was not as dire as it would appear.

Still, he agreed with the shapeshifter’s thought that researching psychic powers would be useful to him once they were free of this place. It never hurt to have information about other powers, and, Devon was correct, in that it might help him with teaching, as there were young psychics there.

“Being tested is more a work of fiction than anything else,” he assured the younger man. “It’s a recurring theme for us, we like to think that everything is the result of choices and that the universe is focused on us to prove our worthiness. It’s less inspiring and less comforting to think that none of us matter as individuals on the cosmic scale.” Although he had made peace with that long ago.

Sean walked beside Devon as they made their way from the waterrise in the direction they had agreed upon for exiting. As they walked, the telepath looked around, taking in the surroundings and absently analyzing the symbolism, as was natural for him. He came to a sudden halt at the tree, and when the younger man came to a stop. He stepped back slightly, giving Devon room to investigate.

Yet, when the shapeshifter declared that he would not go inside, Sean stepped forward. He had enough experience with such mental imagery to hold the reasonable belief that the tree door was a necessary entrance, rather than an obstacle to be overcome. He studied it for a moment, and then held up his right hand, before a flashlight materialized in it. He flicked it on so that a steady beam of light shone from the torch part.

He so loved being in the mindscape.

Opening the door, he waved the light around to give him a better sense of what was inside.

The path continued as it had around them.

“We need to go inside,” he said, turning to look over his shoulder at the younger man. “I can make you a flashlight as well.”

[Devon Wentsworth]

Devon didn’t believe that they were being tested by any kind of higher being or anything – that would involve him actually believing in higher beings, for one. However, he knew that some people were arseholes and would put people into situations like this one if they could, either as some bizarre attempt to cause distress or try to get information or any other reason. It was difficult to not believe in people’s want to manipulate others through their powers when he had been the direct victim of it himself, even in somewhere as supposedly safe as Hammel…

He gave a little shake of his head, trying to butt away the memories of his first week at the school. Gods, that had been a hellish experience and one he didn’t care to relive. Unlike Sean, Devon had not come to terms with the fact that his existence didn’t matter on a cosmic level and he frowned slightly at Sean’s suggestion of that fact. “Nah, that’s where I disagree with ya. Respectfully, like. I think everyone matters. Everyone is capable of changin’ the world and everyone has some purpose. Otherwise, what’s the point of carryin’ on?”

If this was some kind of test, which Devon still didn’t believe nor disbelieve, the tree tunnel was pretty high up his list of ‘Do Not Want’. It was like a giant spider blocking the path of someone with arachnophobia. He stepped back from it shaking his head like a child being presented with a bowl full of Brussels sprouts.

Sean producing the torch did nothing to ease his anxiety over the situation, and he continued to shake his head and stare into the enclosed confines of the tree tunnel. “Thanks mate, but it ain’t got anythin’ to do with the light… I don’t do well in close spaces like that.”

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean found nothing inconsistent to reconcile between Devon’s statement and his own. “We don’t live on the cosmic scale,” he pointed out, although he would not push further existential argument on the younger man. The fact that the universe was a cold and unforgiving place, and that they were all specks of dust in the grand scheme of the flow of time, did not give rise to the notion that their actions had no consequences when interacting with each other. “All we can ever do is our best,” he added with a shrug.

He listened to Devon’s explanation before replying with a sympathetic, “Ah.” That presented an unfortunate obstacle for their continued journey, while, at the same time, furthering the telepath’s theory that this was Devon’s mindscape. Only one’s mindscape could manifest one’s fears in such a perfect stumbling block. “I don’t want to chop something down if I don’t know the purpose it serves.”

Which was to say that Sean could remove it, but he feared rendering Devon catatonic in the process. If the tree did provide an exit, it could be attached to any number of memories in the brain; the ripple effect of sudden removal could produce unforeseen consequences.

“Would holding my hand help at all?” The telepath did not intend the question as patronizing. Physical contact often helped people to manage their fears and phobias; not only was it an offer that he made readily to Josh in all situations, but he did so with friends and students of all genders, when appropriate.

[Devon Wentsworth]

“Maybe not, but I think if some people thought too hard on how small they are really, they’d go nuts.” Devon did fall into that bracket, at least partially. He liked to think that he did matter in the grand scale of things. If he spent too long thinking about how if he keeled over dead tomorrow nothing would really change in the world, it would really, really not be any good for his psyche.

Devon liked to think (and often act) like he was fearless, but it was far from the case. Enclosed spaces had never bothered him when he was very young, but kids could be bastards and since getting locked in the gym cupboard as a teenager he hadn’t been able to cope with being in tight dark spaces. Even from out here he could see space inside the tree tunnel was limited at best, and it was so dark he couldn’t see for more than a few feet ahead into it.

He stared at it blankly, trying to work out what the hell to do. “Well… I can’t see any way ‘round it.” Devon gave a huff of a breath, anxiety manifesting as frustration that there wasn’t another option forthcoming. He lifted up the still-damp plushie badger, giving it a pat on the side. “Sorry, mate.” With that he lightly threw the badger into the darkness, listening for the wet thud indicating it had landed on solid flooring several meters into the tunnel.

When Sean offered to hold his hand Devon let out an involuntary snort of a laugh, quickly shaking his head. He was smart enough to realise Sean did not intend it to be patronising, but Devon was nothing if not proud and stubborn, and the thought of having to rely on someone else like that was really not a pleasant one. “Nah, mate… I can do this, I think, if there’s no other way.” Steeling himself as best he could Devon took one very shaky step into the tree tunnel, entire body tense and ready to flee, like he was expecting the entrance to close up behind him and trap him inside forever.

[Dr. Sean Neville]

“Some people have difficulty with scale, yes.” Sean quietly reframed the wording of Devon’s objection, primarily due to his dislike of cavalier descriptions of mental illness. Nuts, insane, crazy, drive me mad…Sean avoided using all of those in casual conversation. However, the circumstances were such that the telepath did not feel the need to explain why or to call attention to his change of description.

That some people had difficulty with scale had no bearing on Sean’s opinions or his life philosophy, but he had no intention of arguing this point with the younger man. Better to focus their attention elsewhere. Such as on the tree that blocked their escape route.

The telepath’s torchlight illuminated the inside of the tree trunk, which truly appeared and felt larger inside than it had seemed outside. This was common for mental constructs, since the mindscape was infinite in its capacity, while the brain itself was so small (comparatively), rigid in appearance, fragile, and difficult to imagine. From where they were, three paths appeared, each as dark and foreboding as the entrance had been in the first place. The walls were covered in pictures, which appeared to be runs, carved deeply into the bark.

Perhaps that was a map.

The telepath stepped closer, holding the light high so that he could study the carvings, searching for anything that he recognized for symbolism. He considered that a better plan than wandering aimlessly and getting further lost. “This isn’t so bad,” he remarked to his companion. Hardly a reason to feel claustrophobic, given the surprisingly high ceiling of the tree trunk.

[Devon Wentsworth]

Inside the tree it was certainly far more spacious than it had seemed to be from the outside, but that was doing little to ease Devon’s troubles with the current situation. He wasn’t in the midst of an anxiety attack, thank the heavens, but every breath felt like he was having to fight for it, each step feeling like it could be the last one he ever took. He had hoped he would grow out of his claustrophobia, with time, but with each passing year that seemed like more and more of a remote possibility.

“Not so bad? You’re speaking for yerself there, mate.” Devon tried to radiate his usual confident, bold self but it was utterly failing as his voice came out as barely more than an audible crackle.

As Sean stopped to study the patterns on the wall, Devon took his time to concentrate on getting his breathing and heart rate to steady down. It was very tough going, but after a few moments he began to settle as his gaze swept around the darkness surrounding him. The ceiling was high, the walls farther apart than they had seemed from the outside, and Devon kept telling himself that he wasn’t going to get locked in here. He wasn’t going to be trapped in here for hours, unfound and alone.

As he began to calm down, Devon joined Sean in looking at the carvings on the walls. He ran his fingers over one of them, feeling the deep indents in the tree. “That one kinda looks like an otter, don’t ya think?”

[Dr. Sean Neville]

Sean heard the nervousness in the younger man’s voice and frowned slightly to himself. Not at Devon but rather on the shapeshifter’s behalf. He knew that the situation was uncomfortable, but this was all that he could do to try to make it easier for him. Particularly since, one way or another, they would have to venture down one of those tunnels.

“Do you have any fears or phobias aside from small spaces?” Sean did not ask the question to be rude, and he certainly held no judgment over the younger man. However, given that the clear path to exit involved Devon conquering one of his fears, the telepath’s experience with the mindscape informed the assumption that other fears would pop up, if they existed. He wanted to be prepared. Moving the torch in one hand, he turned his head so that he could make eye contact with the younger man.

At the question, he followed Devon’s attention to the carving in question, reaching out to touch it as well. Beneath his fingers, he felt the design begin to shift, begin to move position. He immediately withdrew his hand, and the carving settled back into position. “It certainly is an otter.”

Which gave him indication of which path they would have to follow.

[Devon Wentsworth]

The rational part of Devon’s mind told him that he had nothing to worry about really. There was nothing presenting an immediate threat, they weren’t being chased by a hungry monster or angry looking men wielding knives, and he wasn’t going to get stuck and trapped here alone. Besides even if he did somehow get stuck, Sean was here to get him out again. However, unfortunately, listening to the rational part of his brain had never been one of Devon’s strongest skills.

When Sean asked about any other fears or phobias the art teacher gave a small shake of his head. “Nothin’ like this; not this bad.” It was true that he held no other phobias, nothing that could cripple his sensibilities in the same way as an enclosed space could. Of course he was only human though, and there were plenty of general things that he feared. Losing Cade, losing his mum, losing his job or home, being alone, getting mind-manipulated again, getting a woman pregnant…

Grey eyes that were wide in the darkness scanned around the tunnel, looking for any other shapes that seemed familiar. After a moment searching he saw one that made him think of Bliss, his ginger not-a-kitten-any-more. His head tilted slightly as he studied it. Did it just move? He shook his head quickly, scolding himself. It must have just been a trick of the light. “D’y’think it’s this way? Something’s tellin’ me it’s this way. I think.”

[Dr. Sean Neville]

While that was a good starting point, it was also not, exactly, what Sean had asked. Not having any other crippling phobias was helpful, as surely that would provide them with some security as they made their way through this tree maze. He was, at this point, firmly convinced that they were in Devon’s mindscape, and the mind created all manner of defenses based on individual fears, anxieties, and bad experiences. Which meant any fear could present a problem later. “Nothing more mild?” He inquired. “I don’t mean to belabor the point, but I want us to be prepared.”

The telepath could react quickly in the mindscape, but the best coping mechanism was prevention.

At the other question, he glanced in the direction that the other man had indicated. He stared down the corridor, tilting his head to try to hear anything. However, since Devon thought that it was that direction, he was willing to give it a try. After all, this was Devon’s mindscape, and while the younger man was untrained and unskilled psychically, he still had the connection to his own mind. “Let’s give it a try.”

If they were wrong, they could always return to this part of the tree and try a different path.

[Devon Wentsworth]

Devon couldn’t help the slight eyeroll as Sean asked about any milder fears. What was the point of that? Sure some of the situations here did seem a bit… familiar, some to the point of falling right into the uncanny valley, but was this place really so closely linked to him? In truth, he found it a little difficult to believe that they could be just wandering around a mind like this; especially his own mind. Surely things like that didn’t happen outside of Harry Potter, or seriously trippy dreams. “Nothin’ besides the usual things, I guess. Losing family members, gettin’ real sick, that kinda thing.”

Devon pondered for a moment, deciding that honesty was probably the best way to go. It wasn’t like Sean couldn’t just reach into his mind and grab whatever information he wanted, anyway. “The past year an’ a bit I’ve been pretty on edge about gettin’ mind-grabbed again, but I guess you already figured that, after what happened my first week here.” He gave a small shrug, as though dismissing the point despite the fact it was a worry that still unsettled him to this day. That feeling of having no control, of knowing what could have happened if he hadn’t been strong enough to fight against it…

When Sean agreed with heading in the direction Devon suggested, the Brit gave a nod and started down that way. After a few moments the air seemed to be cooling slightly, the atmosphere seeming a bit less oppressive. A sudden noise in the distance made Devon startle and he gave an involuntary shiver, wrapping his arms loosely around his torso and trying to calm himself as they headed further into the weird complex within the seemingly endless tree.