SUE: Disorder (Xun)

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"<It is hard,>" Xun agreed wholeheartedly. "<But... I like a challenge. Then again, it can be hard to get better without someone to push you past your comfort zone.>" That was a problem Xun had in training with his martial arts - since few people in the area practiced wushu, he mostly had to rely on Youtube and Skype calls back home in order to get corrections in his forms.

Xun was a little embarrassed, and felt bad, that he couldn't offer Nao more advice. All he had was the little experience he had with Cam; in fact, it sounded like the younger boy had more experience than he did already. "Sorry I can't help more..." he said softly, digging his fingers into his thigh.

He smiled faintly at Nao's laugh. "That's good, I think," Xun said, leaning to the side on his hand. "I... I bet. I wish I had had at least some warning, but maybe I wouldn't have reacted any different anyway." He bit his lip and glanced up, a sudden urge filling his chest as he realized how close he'd scooted to his younger friend. It was weird, and unexpected, and Xun visibly flinched back a little, surprised at himself.

It took him a moment to focus back on the conversation, and he barely caught what Nao was saying. "S... Sounds like you're in the same sort of situation I was," he said at first, but when Nao went on, his brow furrowed. "Tricked him?" he asked, his voice still sounding a little distracted. "How... How could you trick someone into kissing you?" He wasn't trying to sound judgmental, he was just.... Curious. ".... Do you ever feel like kissing other people?" he asked after another moment. "Could you... Trick other people?" Xun's eyes were wide and innocent.

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Naozumi was glad that there was at least someone else in this school who could understand the problems he went through in his powers training. It was just unfortunate that Xun could not help in other places, at least not in the way that Nao had hoped.

“It’s alright,” he said softly, a small attempt to reassure the older boy. Nao’s questions were really strange in the first place. This wasn’t something that he(and he imagined Xun too) talked about with people every day.

“I…well, I had warning for my first kiss…but it was still weird.” Nao shook his head. “I didn’t like it, actually.” Nao was silent for a moment before he continued with the rest of the story, the whole thing he was absolutely ashamed of. “It was with a girl, actually.” His face flushed again. “In a game. It…it was gross.” He remembered Ray laughing at him for that declaration.

Then came the part about how he tricked Ray into kissing him. “I….I asked Ray to teach me how to kiss…” he said quietly. Thinking back on it now, Nao couldn’t remember who had made the suggestion first, actually. Whether it was Ray who offered, or Nao who asked. But either way, they were now allowed to kiss. For…practice. “So…he’s…teaching me. Because he’s a good friend…” Just because he’s a good friend? What kind of friends kiss each other just to teach their friends how to do it? But…since that’s what Cam did for Xun, he guessed it was possible, and that there was no hidden meaning…probably.

He lifted his head at the question. Did he? “I…don’t know.” Nao hadn’t really considered it. Before Ray, Nao hadn’t really considered kissing anyone before. Because he hadn’t thought it possible in the first place. He blushed and looked down. Xun was staring at him and it was making him uncomfortable. “I feel horrible for doing it. He doesn’t know…that I like him. I feel like I’m taking unfairly taking advantage of him.” Nao sighed and looked back to Xun, staring at him for a moment, considering something. “Do you want to? Try kissing, I mean?” His face burned red for even posing the question. But Xun…he looked like maybe he was interested, so…maybe Nao was imagining things?

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Xun didn't realize Nao's first kiss hadn't been with Ray. He blinked and settled down a little more as he started the short story. "I'm sorry you didn't like it," he offered with a sort of half-smile. He was glad his first one had been alright. "That... Sounds like a strange game," he said with a furrowed brow. Not one he would want to take part in. The fact that Nao's kiss with a girl had been gross intrigued Xun, but he said nothing, just wondered if kissing a girl would be weird for him too.

He tilted his head and mused over Nao's admission. "I... I don't think that's really tricking him," Xun said slowly. "I mean... He agreed... So..." So in Xun's mind, obviously Ray wanted to kiss Nao to some degree, otherwise he would have turned him down. "It... It sounds nice, to me. Having someone to just... Kiss." And nothing more. The thought of anything further than that sounded... Not unappealing to Xun, necessarily, but not something he wanted to get involved in unless it was with someone he was incredibly close to, perhaps. "I, um, I've heard that relationships can be a lot of trouble and effort anyway, so maybe... Maybe just friendships with kissing are... Better."

He was still musing over this when Nao spoke up again. This was all out of Xun's league of knowledge; he wasn't sure what to say. "I guess... I mean, I guess as long as he seems to be okay with it, I don't know why it would be bad," he finally said. "Maybe... Maybe he even likes you too, and you don't know?" For all they knew, Ray could be talking to one of his friends about the very same dilemma. The offer came out of nowhere, especially with Xun already mulling about things he probably shouldn't, so he jerked slightly again as he tried to figure out how to respond. "I, uh... I mean... I wouldn't mind... Getting more experience," he stammered, his own cheeks reddening. "Esp-pecially if you're, um, being, you know, taught." Xun bit his lip and looked up at Nao, before dropping his gaze down to his mouth. Nao was definitely cute, he determined. Not the last person Xun would want to kiss by a long shot. "Uh.... How do we....?"

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“Yeah,” he said softly. Nao, normal so quiet, ought to be more tight lipped about this subject, but…Nao really did want to tell someone. There weren’t many he trusted enough to talk like this with. So someone who would listen was actually quite rare. “It is. But it was my idea to go. I think I was just feeling a little silly and hoping I would get Ray as my first.” So dumb. And stupid. Xun must think Nao was stupid and silly for doing that. Ray thought so, at least for going to such a game to get his first kiss.

“You don’t think so?” Nao asked, looking up again. “Isn’t it dishonest? Because I think I like him and he should probably know that. Because…what if he doesn’t like me like that? What if he isn’t even gay?” Nao’s voice had risen in a slight panic. He caught himself and looked away again, bringing down his tone to normal. Quiet. “That would mean I’m taking advantage of his kindness, wouldn’t it?” This was just so confusing. Nao thought that when he finally kissed someone, it would be with someone he was certain would become his boyfriend.

Despite spending so much time crushing on different boys from afar and only having that intention for a long while, Nao wasn’t stupid to assume that things would stay that way. He assumed that maybe he would meet a boy who shared his affections. And that they’d know it and understand it and could be normal, or about as normal as a same-sex couple could be. He was never in a hurry…not until he met Ray. And now he didn’t know what was going on or where things were going. If they were going anywhere at all. “You think so?” Just having someone to kiss? Without being in a relationship? That didn’t sound right to him for some reason. “What kind of trouble?” he asked with honest innocence.

“How am I supposed to know if he likes me?” Nao asked a bit sullen. Sure he could ask, but if he asked and that made it awkward, then that could ruin everything. What if Ray really was just being a friend and wasn’t gay? That would make things weird, wouldn’t it?

Like this! Nao just asked Xun something weird and no doubt Xun thought he was weird for it. Nao just shouldn’t have assumed. Xun looked like that’s what he wanted. “Are…you sure? It’s okay?” Nao’s face couldn’t be any redder after that question, he wanted to hide it in the ground somewhere. But Xun wasn’t responding badly to the request. Nao slowly leaned in, the color on his face perpetuating. “I…I think we just move our faces closer and…” Nao moved in a little quicker until their lips pressed together. He lingered there for a couple seconds before pulling away again. “Just like that.” Easy, right?

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Xun didn't think Nao was stupid. Maybe a little silly, but not stupid. Honestly, he might have done the same thing in that position, if he wasn't quite so shy and reclusive around strangers. "At least it seemed to work in your favor at the end," he mused, picking at the blanket. He got to kiss Ray.

He pursed his lips, sinking into deep thought. This stuff was really out of his experience; Xun wasn't sure what to say. "Well... I don't think even a really nice person would want to get into a kissing relationship with someone outside of their... Sexuality?" he finally said, mulling over his words. "But... I don't know Ray.... So I really don't know. I'm sorry I don't have better reassurances." Xun sighed; so much for being a helpful friend.

He kept picking at the blanket as he simmered in his own useless thoughts. Nao really should have a better friend to go to about this sort of stuff, he thought. But Xun was doing his best. "I... I think so, at least," he breathed out, uncertain of himself. "Trouble... Like... I don't know, setting aside time for another person, putting their needs before yours, um, and then the whole mess if you break up..." He didn't really know what he was talking about. Still. "Maybe that's for some people, but... I just... Don't think it's for me." Maybe. What did he know?

".... I could ask." Xun wasn't sure where the offer came from, and a blush immediately lifted on his cheeks. "I mean.... You know... If you want. And if he is nice." He cleared his throat at stared down at the bed. What was he thinking?

Well, now he was thinking about how much he'd been focusing on Nao's lips for the past few minutes as they talked about all this kissing business, and how he... Sort of really wanted to try it out again for himself. "Y... Yeah. It's okay," he breathed, his blush deepening as their faces drew closer. He could taste Nao's breath on his lips just as their mouths molded together, softly, tentatively, like dipping a toe in the water. It was sweet, and a little dizzying, and before he knew it, it was over. Xun blinked dumbly at Nao before his gaze dropped, and a shy smile tilted his mouth up. "Just like that," he repeated, licking his lips. He looked up again a moment later, a question balancing on the end of his tongue before he nervously blurted,"Want to do it again?"

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“I guess so.” But now, looking back on the whole night, Nao realized that he’d done and said some pretty embarrassing things. He couldn’t imagine what possessed him to do such things in the first place. And he wasn’t sure if he regretted it or not. Nao knew he wasn’t going to act that stupid again, anytime in the near future.

“You don’t think so?” he asked. Though it was true, Nao himself would have issues in getting into such a relationship with a girl, even if just to be nice. But that was Nao. Ray was…so nice to everyone, and had a lot of girls hanging around him too. Nao had been certain at one point that one of them was his girlfriend. He still wasn’t entirely sure that Ray wasn’t crushing on one of them. “It’s okay. If you don’t know, then you don’t know.” Nothing could be done about that, and no matter how disappointed Nao was about it, that wasn’t going to suddenly conjure the experience into Xun necessary for him to come up with a reassuring answer.

Nao listened in silence at the supposed “problems” involved in having a relationship. They…didn’t seem like problems to him. Then again, maybe it was just because he’d never had a relationship before. But most of the things Xun had listed off were things that he’d done anyway for his family…and now he thought about it, Nao didn’t think he’d mind doing so for someone he liked. “Isn’t it just natural to want to set aside time for and spend time with a person you like? And to want to make sure they were taken care of?” Nao remembered having fussed over Ray’s recklessness more than a few times; he was worried that the older boy would hurt himself beyond repair if he kept it up.

Maybe Nao was just idealizing the concept and it really was as difficult as people made it seem?

Nao’s face flushed yet again at Xun’s offer. “You mean, you would ask Ray?” And then tell Nao? Was that allowed? “I-I don’t know.” He looked down again, hiding his blushing face.

If these situations kept coming up, Nao was going to be stuck with a permanent tomato-face and be the laughing stock of his whole family when he finally went home this summer. How could he be interested and enjoy so much something that kept making him so incredibly embarrassed? The whole time their lips were pressed together, Nao was excessively conscious of the softness of Xun’s lips, the twitches in his mouth, the heat of the other boy’s breath….It wasn’t quite as intoxicating as what he’d shared with Ray(that had been because of the effect of alcohol, btw, which Nao was still unaware of), which held such an intensity and desperation, he remembered, that Nao wasn’t sure where reality began and where it ended. This was…nice. Tingly. When they pulled apart, Nao could still feel the sensation of Xun’s lips pressed against his own. He blinked up to Xun with his mouth slightly agape. “Yeah…just like that,” he said again.

Again? Did he? “Okay,” he said impulsively. Should he initiate again? Or make Xun do it? Was this…was this okay, even? Nao stared up hesitantly at Xun, unsure of how far he wanted to take this.

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Xun shrugged, still feeling pretty useless at Nao's questions. "Maybe? I... Maybe if I got to know him, I would have a better answer," he mumbled, scratching his arm. For all he knew, Ray was some straight guy that just happened to be nice enough to let male friends kiss him. Or maybe he was bi and was just being nice to Nao but was interested in someone he was too shy to tell. Who knew?

Looking back at what he'd just said, Xun felt like he'd offered pretty dumb reasons, but then again, he was a pretty lone wolf by nature and liked to keep on a schedule most of the time. A relationship to him just sounded like... Work and energy and hassle. "Yes... You are right," he agreed with a tilt of his head as he picked at the blanket. "I guess I was just thinking about myself. I don't think I have time or extra energy for a... A relationship." That didn't mean Nao didn't, though. "Forgive me. I think I'm drawing too much from my own opinions."

Why had he offered to do that!? That was so out of Xun's comfort zone that it was like deep water. But still, he'd already offered, so... "Y-yeah... I can, if you want? Um, maybe..." If Nao asked him to, he would try his best. "I don't... I don't think it would be too hard." Lies.

He still didn't know what to think of this. Did he like Nao? Yes, quite bit, obviously. Did Xun like him in... That way? It was hard to tell, but Xun knew he wouldn't pursue his feelings even if they were there for Nao's sake. It was nice just... Kissing. "This is... Really nice," he murmured as they broke apart. He kept their faces close.

At the okay, Xun swallowed and hesitated, waiting to see if Nao was going to initiate it again, but apparently it was his turn. Xun clutched the blankets nervously and leaned in, matching their lips together again, with just a tad bit more confidence. Only a tiny bit. He kissed him softly, and sweetly, until Xun felt like his lungs were screaming for air and he broke away with a small gasp. ".... I didn't realize kissing was so hard," he mumbled with flushed cheeks, staring at the bed. "But.... You are, um... You're good at it..."

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“Maybe,” Nao agreed softly. The idea of Xun and Ray meeting…Naozumi hadn’t considered that. They might get along well. They were both such nice guys after all. Nao liked the idea of his friends being friends with each other too.

“No, it’s okay,” Nao tried to reassure Xun. “I don’t know anything about this stuff in the first place, so I think it’s good to get varying opinions.” Nao was pretty sure he didn’t agree with Xun’s views on relationships, but that didn’t mean that Xun wasn’t allowed to have them.

Nao wasn’t sure he was comfortable sending his friend to go on a mission to ask a question he was too chicken to ask himself though. “If…if it’s something you want to do, I guess it’s okay. I feel like a jerk if I asked you, though.”

Nao smiled in response. “Yeah…kissing is nice.” Especially when with someone you liked. Not necessarily like like, but were friendly with. Nao wasn’t sure he’d be able to do this with a stranger, ever.

He would have initiated the next kiss if Xun had taken too long, but he was glad when Xun moved in himself. Nao wondered if this was how he was like to Ray when they first did it, hesitant and awkward. But Nao had apparently learned real fast after the first two. Nao blushed when they parted again and looked down. “I…I guess I had a good teacher…” he said softly. His thoughts turned to Ray, wondering what he might think about Nao kissing other people, and a slight pang of guilt rang through him. Even if he didn’t now anything about Ray’s feelings, Nao somehow felt like it would be wrong to continue on like he had with Ray. Into the more intense kind of kissing they’d done. But…it would also be rude to just say stop, wouldn’t it?

“…do you want to do more?” he asked slowly. “Or should we do something else? I should probably get to work on my homework.” A lame excuse, but still true nonetheless. Nao had to take his finals over the next week before he left on his trip home.

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Xun had been the one to volunteer, so it wasn't like Nao was forcing him to talk to Ray. So,"Don't feel like a jerk. You didn't ask me to do anything. You're my friend." He smiled, but it wavered slightly, thinking about how awkward it would be if he went through with this.

He also wouldn't be able to do this with someone he didn't know. Or even someone he didn't know as well as he knew Nao and Cam. Xun was nervous enough just to be around people most of the time, because he knew he was awkward; it was one of the reasons why any sort of intimacy just sounded weird and intimidating to him.

Xun licked his lips when they were finished, his cheeks pink as his eyes darted between Nao's face and the blankets. He felt awkward and uncertain now, like.... What came next? "I guess so," he mumbled back, picking at a wrinkle in the sheets. He swallowed and glanced at the wall, then the door, then back at Nao, feeling lost for words. He hadn't just made their friendship weird by doing this, right?

"Oh, um..." Xun thought he'd probably had his fill for a while, not that it wasn't nice, he just... Didn't want to overload either of them. "Th-that is fine, I probably should too," he said with a hint of relief for the excuse. He shifted and then stood, stretching out his long limbs from his prolongued sitting. "Uh, thanks, you know... For that..." he mumbled, scratching the back of his head. "I will talk to you soon?"

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Nao wasn’t sure what else to do now. He remembered feeling the same way back when he kissed Ray. Was something else supposed to happen? Did they just go back to talking like normal? Did this kind of action change anything in their friendship?

It hadn’t (much) with Ray, so he couldn’t imagine that it did with Xun either. This time…they were both just giving it a try-out. Nothing more. It didn’t mean anything, right? Though it was still true that Nao wouldn’t have been able to kiss someone unless he liked them at least a little bit. Or was at least good friends with them. He and Xun were…good friends.

This was all so confusing.

Nao rubbed his nose, feeling it starting to run again. Apparently that medicine didn’t last very long…either that or it was working, because it’d been feeling completely stuffed up this whole time. Now he was actually starting to get some feeling back in his sinuses.

He nodded. “Yeah…I’ll talk to you later, before I leave for vacation.” Naozumi smiled. “And I’ll make sure to text you when I’m out there too.” He was going to do the same with Ray and some of his other friends(he hoped, Nao was terrible at keeping in contact with people). He stood from the bed and grabbed his bag of items he’d gotten from the Asian market. “Bye,” he said, then he stepped out from the room and headed back to his own dorm.