Comfort [Phen]

[Deleted]

Phoenix chuckled weakly and stared into the floor. "Yeah, we were," he replied quietly. "I thought for sure we'd get in trouble for kissin' a boy..." He'd never seen it happen back then, but somehow it'd felt right in the moment. And now Phoenix pretty much exclusively kissed boys, so apparently he'd known what his sexuality was even back then (though he had had his fair share of girls too). "You ever had a girlfriend, Gryph?" he asked softly, curiously. "Or at least, kissed one?" Phoenix thought he remembered that Gryphon was completely gay, but there was always a bumpy road to determining that, it seemed.

Phoenix mustered another small smile as Gryph returned his feelings, and a very tiny giggle emitted as the boy kissed his forehead. "I bet you're a great boyfriend," he murmured, taking another tiny nibble of the sandwich with Gryphon's supportive touches. "Anyone'd be lucky t'date you, and I'm not just sayin' that 'cause you're my best friend and I'm biased." Okay, maybe a little.

He looked down at his crumpled papery mess and sighed, swallowing his bite. "Been tryin'," Phen replied, weakly kicking a nearby wad of paper. "Nothin's turnin' out right, no matter what I draw. Most of it just starts t'look like... His face... Anyway..." The sandwich settled down in Phen's lap away from his mouth as Phoenix's expression saddened again. "I thought drawin' was supposed t'be good for gettin' out emotions, but it's just makin' me sadder."

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

It had been weird. Not bad weird, good weird. And confusing weird. Seeing as it had been a completely new concept, and neither of them had a clue of whether or not it was... hah, legal, or whatever, they'd both been pretty frantic about it. "Yeah... well, at least we know better now." He smirked. He couldn't really imagine what it would be like if he thought homosexuality was wrong now, the idea just... didn't make any sense to him. At the question, he tilted his head, "Not had a girlfriend. I have kissed a girl, but it wasn't a proper romance thing or whatever." He explained, "And I kiss girls on the cheek, but it's friendly." If that wasn't making his sexuality obvious, he didn't know what was. It wasn't exactly on purpose, but... yeah, he was being blatantly clear about it.

Gryph chuckled, "I try." He said, watching Phen eat, to make sure he was actually eating and not just miming. He felt himself blush as Phoenix went on. "You're exaggerating, I'm nothing special." He wasn't exactly insecure or anything, but he didn't see himself as some... amazing entity or something.

He got what Phen was describing. Usually when things had been happening and he was down in the dumps, as cliché as it sounded, he would usually be able to dance it out. Now, he just didn't really have the drive or energy. He knew the muse would loop back around at some point, but it was stressful. "That's probably because it is getting out the emotion, but by doing so, it makes you feel worse." He sighed, not trying to convince the other boy to eat again just yet. "Things'll pick up again." He assured. He thought for a moment, "Have you been talking to people? Y'know, friends and that?" He wanted to make sure, or at least check, that Phoenix hadn't been making himself suffer in silence.

[Deleted]

"Yeah, we sure do," Phoenix replied with a faint smile. "I dunno.... I dunno how many boys I've kissed..." Between his, well, slutty, experimental, drug-filled days in Seattle, and his dust-high hookups at Hammel, he wouldn't be surprised if he'd outright forgotten some. It was... Sad, but that was his life. "Plenty of girls too." Now Phen was frowning, and worried Gryph might look down on him for having so many casual partners. ".... Not for a while, though..." Not since he'd met you-know-who. "Mmm... Girls are pretty good kissers," he admitted with a tiny chuckle. "Not as messy, but then again... I like messy." Was he saying too much? Probably. Phoenix pursed his lips and gave Gryphon and apologetic look. "Sorry. I'll stop talkin' now."

Phoenix was eating.... Barely. He was taking tiny bites, though. He wondered if Gryph noticed. "You are special," he argued quietly, bumping against Gryph's shoulder. "If... If I didn't have Oriel... I would've wanted t'go out with you as soon as we reunited here." Even with Oriel, all the emotions he'd had for Gryph had come flushing back into him. A childhood friend - and first kisser - was impossible to forget.

"I guess...." he sighed, now just staring down at his sandwich. All he wanted to do was kiss Oriel and hold him; was that too much to ask? "I've just never been in a situation like this before..." Being forced to be apart from someone only because authorities said he had to be. It was beyond frustrating. ".... Not really...." he admitted quietly. "I don't really leave my room except for work and food." Food that he hardly ate. Eyes watering again, Phoenix sat aside the sandwich and crawled onto the taller boy's lap, hardly weighing anything on his much more built friend. In his desperation for comfort, he buried his face into the crook of Gryph's neck again and clung to his shirt, trembling. "You're the first person t'come and see me," he croaked. "I.... I'm afraid everyone hates me, or somethin'.... For gettin' Oriel in trouble..." Because Oriel had always seemed to have more admirers, or so Phoenix told himself. Because Oriel was beautiful, and had an addicting personality, and Phen was just... Scrawny and plain and useless.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon's brow furrowed slightly. What Phen had said came with the connotation that he had been with a lot of people. Which confused Gryph a bit, especially considering how Phoenix acted. He knew next to nothing about what had happened to Phen while he was having his drug problem, so he couldn't really fit two and two together. He didn't exactly look at Phen any differently after learning this, it was just... curious. He didn't really know how to respond either. "Hmm." Well that was probably encouraging.

Gryph didn't really have a comparison, especially seeing as he had kissed hardly anyone. When Phen stopped himself, Gryphon shook his head, "No, no, go on," He raised his hands and mimed like he was writing it all down. Dork.

The winged boy had wanted to go out with Phoenix when they met each other again. Which was what first lead him to dislike Oriel, along with all the other details. Jealousy. "Same." He said, "Y'know, if weren't with..." Yeah Gryph, please stop talking.

It wasn't really something a lot of people went through, being separated from someone you care about. But there were good reasons behind it, so even if Phoenix was suffering... it was for the best. "I can't even imagine..." He said. Imagine what it was like, how it felt. It was odd.

Oh, Phen. Gryphon's heart twisted - it was upsetting, knowing that he'd not been doing much to help himself. That alongside the fact that his best friend seemed to almost weigh nothing made Gryph worry a lot. "I'm certain no one hates you," He countered, looping an arm around Phen's back. No, Phoenix wasn't the one that people were hating at the moment. "You know how things can be, people get caught up in their own problems and forget about others..." That's what Gryph had done. Sigh. Now that he was here, though, he wasn't just gonna sit there and watch Phen degrade. He reached over and pulled the plate closer, tearing off a chunk of sandwich with his spare hand before speaking up. "Phen, you really need to eat. I've seen pigeons eat more efficiently than you." He held the food in his hand, waiting for when the other boy rose his head, if he did.

[Deleted]

Well. That was kinda awkward. Phoenix blushed and looked away, uncertain of how to take that reaction. Believe it or not, the boy had been very promiscuous when he'd been too out of the real world to be nervous and self-conscious and all he'd wanted was something warm to hold at night.

"Nooo..." he whined at Gryph's pretend note-taking. At least he was smiling a tiny bit at the silly gesture. "Trust me, you don't wanna know the details." Definitely not.

He felt guilt well up in his chest again. If Phen hadn't had Oriel, and had started dating Gryph instead, then the Kodi thing never would have happened. Kodi wouldn't matter at all. "Boys are dumb," he sighed, as though he was a girl having boy issues. "Why are th... uh... We so dumb?"

Dumb....

Dumb enough so that nobody liked him or bothered to come see if he was doing okay besides the boy who probably just felt obligated to. "I dunno..." he sniffled, already getting Gryph's shirt wet again. "I... I guess so... But... I-I just thought m-maybe people were startin' t'like me now that I'm not..." High all the time? Yeah. "... Thanks for comin'..." When no one else has. Maybe everyone did just think he was a hopeless case and would be better off wasting away on his own. Although apparently Gryph was trying to prove that idea wrong. Phoenix blinked and stared at the piece of food he'd broken off, as though it were a foreign object. "Coo," he mumbled half-heartedly like a pigeon, before slowly opening his mouth to accept the food, which he chewed and swallowed with obvious discouragement. "I dunno why I get like this," he admitted quietly. "Why I can't make myself eat... It's... It's like my stomach just shuts down an' tells me not to."

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon dipped his head a little in embarrassment. He really should've been more considerate, but he really just... it confused him. He didn't really understand, so he couldn't really react well. He nodded and put his hands down. The thought came to mind for a moment of 'Maybe I should kiss a girl, see what it's like,', but then he pushed that idea away. Girls weren't disgusting or anything, he just wasn't attracted to them. And also Kodi would probably have a fit, and rightfully so. Yeah, no kissing girls.

A similar thought ran through Gryphon's mind - if he had been with Phen, then there would be no Oriel. And if that was because he'd stuck with him instead of watching him drift away, he probably wouldn't have had the drug issues either. Gryph rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a tense feeling in his chest and trying to sigh it away. "We're dumb because we have emotions." He replied, even if the question seemed mildly rhetorical, "And those emotions make us do dumb things." He looked at the ground for a moment. Let's not think about dumb things, he thought.

Gryphon didn't believe for one second that anyone had stopped liking Phoenix. What reason would they have? It did kind of confuse him, the fact that nobody else decided to come and help, but like he'd said. People get busy. "No problem," he replied quietly, "And people do like you. I swear. People care about you." Maybe they just didn't realize how much Phen was struggling? He didn't know.

He replied Phoenix's attempt at a bird noise with a coo of his own, a real one, as he fed the frail boy. He couldn't help it. (Well, he probably could, but cooing was fun.) He broke off another piece, "I dunno either. I wish I could explain it, but I'm no doctor." He held the piece up, "Maybe it's something to do with stress?" Stress usually did do terrible things to the body. Gryph wasn't aware if it was capable of shattering someone's appetite, but it was possible.

[Deleted]

Phoenix didn't blame Gryph for not following him into the life he'd led the last few years he'd been in Seattle. He was glad he hadn't, actually; Phen didn't think he could have handled it, or at least, it would have changed who he was dramatically, so he wouldn't be the optimistic and friendly person he usually was now. "I guess," he mumbled, fidgeting with the sandwich. "Just seems like I've been doin' nothin' but dumb stuff all my life." The only thing he didn't think he'd done stupidly was fall in love with Oriel. But most people might argue that was one of the stupidest things he'd done.

In reality, people probably just didn't realize what Phoenix was going through, or were too frightened to get involved in the situation, which had probably exploded with rumors all around school. On the rare occasions that Phoenix left his room, he swore he always felt eyes following him. "They... They're not scared of me, are they...?" he mumbled, not sure where he got that idea. "I'm n-ot a b-bad person, and n-neither is Oriel, it was j-ust a mistake...!" Phen would defend the other boy to the grave.

He blinked and looked at Gryph in a moment of bewilderment at the noise before he remembered the secondary part of the boy's ability. "That sounded funny," Phen said with a tiny smile. He took another bite and forced it down. "It's okay," he mumbled. "M... Maybe. I guess. I sh-should prob'ly go see someone about it, but..." He trailed off. "Doctors scare me," he admitted in a meek voice. "Always thought I'd prob'ly end up... In a hospital... In Seattle...." From an overdose, or a gang attack, or something. Hospitals scared the shit out of him.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"You've probably done less dumb stuff than you think." Gryphon suggested, trying to balance out Phen's exaggeration - because it was an exaggeration. People generally act dumb on occasion (or a lot of the time, depending), but no one did dumb stuff constantly. Falling in love with Oriel... was a tricky one. It made both of them happy, and, if anything, kept Phen alive (which was a really depressing thought), but it was so destructive. It just... wasn't healthy. Gryph found it difficult to be happy for their relationship.

Gryphon tried his best not to follow rumours. Unless the word came from the person's mouth themselves, he wouldn't believe it. Or he would try his best to ignore it - rumours were just a weak source of entertainment for people who had nothing better to do. Which was a pretty big assumption to make, but it was what he knew from experience. He didn't really hear many rumours about himself, but then again, who would tell you a rumour about yourself? "What?" The question threw him off guard. Scared? "Why would anyone be scared of you?" Oriel, yes, maybe. And no, he was a bad person. Phen wasn't - Oriel was. "You didn't do anything wrong, or anything worth being scared of." He was extremely confused by that thought. And he avoided bringing up Oriel for the sake of trying not to interject his own opinion.

The avian boy smiled a little at the sight of Phoenix's smile, no matter how small. He thought about what Phen was considering, glad that he was a least a little concerned with helping himself. He nodded at the dislike of doctors, though. "Not all doctors are bad. And the bad ones are usually just annoying." He had enough knowledge of the medical system to know about this, "They won't do anything you don't want them to do, as long as you make it clear." Thinking about Seattle, he grimaced slightly. Okay, that was reasonable to be scared about. And Gryph didn't know how to counter it. So he sat silently like the helpful person he was.

[Deleted]

Phoenix tended to exaggerate a lot, he knew. Maybe it was his way of trying to get reassurances. Seeking out attention to help him not feel so crummy. He didn't realize that he really just tore himself down while he did it. "Thanks..." was all he managed to mumble out. He didn't know what else to say.

He shook his head at Gryph's questions, unsure of how to answer them. "I... I dunno... I mean, I used t'be awful," Phoenix sniffled, thinking guiltily back to his days of bullying and dust. "M-maybe people th-think I did somethin' t'Oriel and... And that made him try t'defend himself or somethin'..." That was absurd, of course. No one would think the meek pixie would try to hurt the much more aggressive boy, even if he could. But Phoenix wasn't exactly in his right mind, so he had all sorts of crazy theories going through his head.

Phoenix took another small bite of sandwich, but his stomach was starting to gurgle unpleasantly, so he stopped for the time being. "I haven't been t'too many doctors, except when I've broken bones and stuff," he mumbled. The pain of having lightweight bones. "Mmm... I guess I'm always just afraid they're gonna find somethin' weird about me an' take me away for horrible testing," he admitted in a mumble. At least he didn't have a problem with needles... As evidenced by the many small old prick wounds on the insides of his arms. Still, Phoenix shivered and looked up at his old friend through his lashes. "Can... Can you stay the night?" he asked meekly. "I think.... I think I might sleep... Better... If someone was here with me..." And neither Kodi nor Oriel had to ever find out.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Even if it was just in search of comfort, Gryphon was probably give Phoenix the all the assurances he was searching for. That was just how he was.

Gryphon hadn't really know much of what Phoenix had been like before he saw him again, when he was in crutches and his wings were about as useful as cardboard. He just assumed (which he probably shouldn't have done) that he had been almost exactly the same as he was now. They really needed to talk more. Because of this, it was hard for him to believe Phen. He remained quiet about his past, but, "No one would think that. Trust me." It clearly wasn't in Phen's nature to be violent. Gryph was almost certain that anyone who had heard about it would think that it was Oriel and Oriel only that caused Phen to be hurt.

Gryphon was really worried about Phen's lack of an appetite. He wouldn't literally shove food in his mouth if he could't eat any more, though. Thinking about broken bones, Gryph wondered if his friend had hurt himself the same amount he had. Then again, if he hadn't seen too many doctors, then probably not. He hummed a little, "Anyone at Hammel is weird, honestly, but they would know about that already." He tried to reassure Phoenix, "You should talk to someone. I don't think the result would be anything but good." It would be worth it.

The avian boy furrowed his brow a little, thinking. Honestly, he knew that it probably wasn't possible for him to stay, even if he tried. Hammel staff weren't oblivious (most of the time). But he didn't want to leave Phen suffering when he could help... his selflessness overrode his common sense and he nodded, "Sure." There was a little part of him which reminded him of both of their boyfriends, but the chances of Oriel finding out under the circumstances were... low, unless Oriel specifically asked. And Kodi... things were still iffy with him. Although, this wouldn't be anything bad. Just one best friend looking after another. He looked at Phoenix, "I hope you start feeling better soon. Really." It hurts me to see you in this state. He didn't want to say anything like that out loud - it felt like he would be inducing guilt, and Phen had enough to struggle with as it was.

[Deleted]

Phoenix was glad Gryph had never seen him like that. He'd been... Bad. Really bad. Fortunately he seemed to have made up for most of what he'd done, like with AJ, but there were some things he just couldn't forget. "If you say so," he murmured, tracing his fingers along the back of Gryph's hand. He was starting to feel a little calmer at least, keeping himself snuggled in his best friend's lap.

He sat the sandwich aside and pressed the side of his face against Gryph's chest, letting the sound of his heartbeat lull him into a more comfortable mindset. He'd needed this; Phoenix hadn't realized how badly until now. "Mmmm... Okay," he said quietly, eyes half-closed. "I... I think I have an appointment t'go see Dr. Neville soon anyway. M... Maybe he can help."

Phoenix wasn't even thinking about the staff members at the moment. All he was thinking about was the possibility of getting some sleep and comfort from his friend. He'd almost forgotten Gryphon didn't go to Hammel anymore. When the other boy agreed, Phen slumped even more against him in relief. "Okay," he breathed, slowly crawling out of Gryph's embrace and promptly curling up on his side on the bed, nestling down into the pillows. "Thank you. Uh... I got pajamas if you wanna change, they're pretty big on me so they'd prob'ly fit...." His eyelids fluttered; now that he'd let himself calm down, Phoenix felt exhausted. "I won't tell Oriel, promise..." And he hoped this wouldn't get back to Kodi. He vaguely wondered if Tak would be worried where Gryph was.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon was fine with giving Phoenix the affection he needed - because he did need some positive communication and such. And he was happy to see the other winged boy become more sleepy, because he clearly needed to sleep. He smiled a little at the mention of Dr. Neville. Personally, he hadn't really run into the doctor all that much, but he knew what he was doing, that much was clear. "Sounds good." Help from a professional was also one of the other things that needed to be prioritised, so this was good.

Gryph didn't even know the rules when it came to the dorms - there was probably a rule somewhere that said you shouldn't sleep in someone else's dorm or something, but Gryphon himself and multiple others he knew had broken that rule, if it existed. With that being the case, hopefully they wouldn't notice. "I'll be fine." He decided. His clothes weren't all that heavyweight, so it wasn't too much of a problem. He kicked off his shoes and got into the bed as well, feeling... slightly odd at the situation, but nothing too uncomfortable. "Good. I won't tell Kodi, either." It was only innocent, but both of them could easily take the situation the wrong way, and everyone seemed a bit out of it, as it was.

He didn't really consider his roommate. She... would probably get a bit confused, seeing as Gryphon hadn't alerted her of his extended absence, but it hadn't really come to mind. The fact that she could be being told off by a short woman in the morning was blanked out by him.

Looking at Phen, Gryph wasn't certain of what to do, so he just kind of acted like a stuffed toy. If Phoenix wanted to hug him or something, that was fine, but he wouldn't do it himself.

[Deleted]

“Mmkay,” Phoenix murmured in reply, eyelids drooping even more. He was quickly getting to where his brain wasn’t really working straight anymore as sleep threatened to wash over his tired mind. “Mmm… Good…” he mumbled. “I don’t really want t’die by a human shark….” Because he was sure Kodi would kill him if he knew what was going on. Both he – and, admittedly, Oriel – tended to take things way out of context and make them seem bigger than they were. Phoenix told himself he didn’t mind that about his boyfriend, but… It could be difficult sometimes.

Once Gryph was settled down beside him, Phoenix drowsily snuggled closer, his eyes now completely closed as he yawned and tucked his head under the older boy’s chin. He needed closeness, and comfort, and warmth, so hopefully his friend wouldn’t mind.

A faint smile passed over his lips as he began to drift off. “Mmmm… Night, Squishy,” he mumbled vacantly. He was already starting to see Oriel in his barely conscious mind. Soon, he was breathing evenly and fast asleep.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

Gryphon chuckled at Phen's (accurate) description of his boyfriend. "Don't worry about it," He smiled to his drowsy friend.

Kodi... would most definitely react badly to this. In that way, it was good he wasn't going to Hammel any more, and that Kodi didn't know he was here now, otherwise he would begin to suspect things very quickly. The added stress of that was not necessary, especially when it was pointless.

He didn't mind what Phoenix was doing. As long as he was comfortable and happy, Gryph was fine with it. He put his arm around the weak boy.

But... the nickname. He tensed a little and closed his eyes eyes, seemingly wincing at its use. It wasn't jealousy or anything, just the fact that... that name was not supposed to be given to him. That was Oriel's name, and Phen's, for each other, to his knowledge. Like how Moron was for him. It just worried him a bit.

Gryphon mostly stayed awake, making sure Phen wasn't about to wake up or anything, before he accidentally drifted off.