And if You Lose Yourself, I Will Find You (Oliver)

[Oliver Barnes]

The fall wasn't far, but the hill had been relatively steep. Oliver landed in the middle of the pit, his body falling on top of his right ankle. He winced, instinctively reaching out to grab it. He'd never felt so much pain before, except for the time Ace pushed him against the lockers. Even then, Oliver only ended up with a few bruises. This was worse.

Bracing himself, he put his palms against the dirt floor, using his strength to push himself upright. He was still a little disorientated from the fall, and it took a moment to recollect himself. Glancing up, Oliver noticed that he hadn't fallen too far and might be able to claw his way out. If it weren't the fact that every time he out his weight on his ankle, Oliver felt like collapsing again. He groaned, staring up hopelessly. This had been stupid. Why did he go off on his own? Now he was stuck here indefinitely until the school realized he was gone. Who knew how long that would take.

Oliver felt frustrated. The pain subsided into a dull ache, as he sat back down on the dirt to avoid putting pressure on his ankle. Surprisingly, it only took a minute or so for somebody to call out. The voice was feminine, but Oliver couldn't quite place it. He was just glad that somebody responded to his cry for help. "Yeah! I need help, please." He shouted back, squinting up. He didn't know how he was going to flag the person down given he was stuck in a pit.

"I'm in this hole." Oliver added, waving his arms around wildly.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ continued moving towards where she'd thought she'd heard the yelp and then a voice replied, a voice covered in pain. A hole? How was she supposed to find him given that description? And why was there a random hole in the forest? It seemed like something that was man-made, perhaps by a few Hammel students in the past retreats. She moved quickly through the forest, holding her book to her chest. "Keep talking so I can find you!" she called out back towards the person. It was obviously a male given the voice, but her mind wasn't concentrating on who the voice could belong to, but rather that they needed help.

She moved quickly, branches hanging down in her face. It seemed that he'd gone into a denser part of the forest and while AJ was a hiker by no means, she doubted that was a good idea. An edge of a tree branch caught her forehead, before her arms got out in front of her to push that one away and she felt a slight stinging there, but kept moving.

[Oliver Barnes]

The voice still hadn't registered in Oliver's mind. He was working himself into a panic, scared that the stranger wouldn't be able to find him and he'd be stuck in the hole for a really long time. He stopped waving around, his arms growing fatigued, as he let out a frustrated sigh. Why was this day going so badly? Now that he was here, Oliver was beginning to regret his decision to go on the retreat. If he was at Hammel, he wouldn't have run into AJ or fallen down.

Bracing himself, Oliver tried to move his ankle to no avail. The pain was just too much to handle. A couple of stray tears slid down his cheeks, as he hastily wiped them away. The last thing he needed was for the stranger to see him pathetically crying over a hurt ankle. "Alright!" He shouted back, pausing for a moment.

"Uh, thanks, by the way. Are... are you by yourself?" The hole wasn't big but given that the voice sounded like it came from a female, Oliver couldn't help but to wonder if she would be able to help him. Maybe they could struggle together and limp back to camp. He hadn't realized how far out he had ran away. "And... and be careful. Watch your step."

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

He kept talking just like AJ had told him to and she was able to follow his voice. "Yes," she replied. She hadn't thought to go back and get someone else to go help. Then again, she was worried she would have not remembered where his voice was coming from or that she needed to get to him quicker than that and so here she was, solo, tearing through the thicker part of the forest, wondering how he'd gotten this far into the woods and why.

"It's dangerous out here!" she called out. "You went very far into the forest!" His voice seemed closer and closer and when she reached him, she now understood why he'd told her to watch her step. She skidded to a stop and looked down where the voice was coming from. It wasn't that steep, you could have easily climbed out...if you weren't injured. But there was someone sitting in the bottom of the pit, holding their ankle and AJ wondered how she hadn't realized that she knew that voice. Out of breath, her chest heaved as she stood there, looking down at him. "Are you okay?"

[Oliver Barnes]

When she answered yes, Oliver instantly began to worry for her. What if she suffered from the same fate he had and ended up slipping? He kept his gaze up towards the treeline as she called back how dangerous it was to go this deep into the forest. At the time, Oliver hadn't been aware. He just needed to run from it all, which lead him deep into the thicker parts of the brush and now into a hole. "Yeah..." He trailed off, feeling his cheeks go red in response. It was an embarrassing situation to be in, especially with his hurt ankle.

A dark haired girl halted right before the edge. His eyes adjusted, a sort of exhasperated sound coming from his lips. With his luck, Oliver wasn't too surprised to see AJ standing at the top of the hole as he clutched his ankle.

Was he okay? It was such a broad question. Nothing was okay. "No..." Oliver drawled out, the heavy feeling growing in his chest. "I'm not." There was the implication that he was talking about more than the sprained ankle.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ bit her lip, trying to push aside everything that had just transpired between them, the shouting, the desperation, the bringing up of subjects that they obviously weren't ready to talk about yet. Her eyes still felt puffy from all of the crying. "Physically, Oliver," she managed. "Are you physically okay?" She had a feeling that he was referring to their fight instead and this wasn't about that.

She didn't even wait for him to answer before she fumbled with the book in her hands. She couldn't climb down there with it in her hands. Well, she could, but it wouldn't be easy and she didn't want to just set it down on the ground. It was in really good condition... "I'm coming down," she declared, regretfully setting her book down on the torn up grass and dirt. She eased her way to the edge and slowly made her way down. It was steep, but not too deep of a pit, but she was still careful, choosing the option of sliding down on her butt.

[Oliver Barnes]

"Oh." The word slipped from his lips, barely audible. Oliver ran a dirty hand through his hair, letting it fall slack against his side. He just didn't have enough energy to care about how pathetic he looked, with dirt in his hair and ragged breathing that signified he was close to tears again. "Still... no." He nodded towards his ankle. "I... think it's sprained, at least."

His eyes widened as AJ set down her book, determined to come down. He shook his head. "No.. no, AJ it's ok-" Oliver protested, but she came closer to the edge anyway and started making her way down. Carefully, as oppose to his reckless falling.

He was sure that with her help, Oliver would be able to slowly limp his way up the dirty wall. A worried expression crossed his face as he watched her descend.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

"Okay," AJ said when he'd said the status of his ankle. She just had to tell herself to remain calm because panicking wouldn't help him, and it most certainly wouldn't help her get down to him safely.

"Did you want me to leave you here or something?" she asked in response to his protests as she carefully made her way down to him, pushing away still wet strands of her hair that fell into her face. She'd practically forgotten about her forehead, about the light stinging from the cut. She wasn't the strongest person, she knew that, but she did want to help him. She wasn't sure if she'd remember where he was if she went back to get reinforcements. Of course, this way was much more awkward, having to push away all of her emotions to help him.

Her footing slipped just slightly and her breath caught before she regained it and held her arms out to steady herself as she went down the rest of the way. She kneeled down next to him, bare knees willingly going into the dirt. "What happened?" she asked.

[Oliver Barnes]

"Well... no." Oliver slowly answered. It didn't make much sense to argue. She was already making her way down and it was pointless to stop AJ now. Or make her turn around and get someone else. Their conversation was the most normal one yet since the incident and it was all due to him falling and her being the one to hear his cries for help.

He too was struggling to push away the heightened emotions that being around her brought on. Oliver tried to instead focus on how grateful he was that she was able to find him when he had wandered so far into the woods. "Thanks... thanks for, you know... coming."

Oliver leaned forward as he saw her footing slip on a loose patch of dirt. She recovered, thankfully, and he exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding in. She made it. "Uh.. I wasn't paying attention and fell." Oliver briefly summed what had happened. "And.. here we are." He said, his eyes meeting hers. "... I'm sorry." He didn't know what he was apologizing for. For falling. For earlier. For everything.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

"I wasn't going to," AJ mumbled, reassuring him. "I mean...I just...if I left, I don't know if I could find you again when I came back with help." She smiled weakly, knowing that Oliver knew she wasn't the strongest person to help him, but she was convincing herself that she'd manage.

"I couldn't leave you here." That was all she could manage as she made her way down to him, trying to concentrate. Right after she'd finished, she'd slipped. She was recovering now, taking deep breaths.

"You're out so far..." AJ observed, briefly wondering if they'd be able to find their way back even if they got out of the hole. She couldn't help but feel as if part of this was her fault. He'd ran off upset, surely at her, at their conversation. He'd been blinded by feelings and fallen and now he was hurt. She was beginning to realize that her life was a circle of guilt. "It's okay." She pushed hair out of her face, brushing against her cut and she winced slightly. She reached out to put a hand lightly on his ankle. "Is it just your ankle? Does anything else hurt?" She wasn't really all that great at playing nurse, but she'd try.

[Oliver Barnes]

"I know." Oliver answered, knowing all too well that AJ wasn't the type of person to leave someone behind. Anyone, really. It was proof, the way she carefully made her way down the slope to help him, despite being on not good terms. He nodded, his own small smile appearing on his face. Couldn't leave him here, even to go get help. The two of them would just have to find a way out, with his ankle.

His breath hitched as AJ lost her footing. He leaned forward, ready to spring into action, even with the twisted ankle. A wry smile appeared on Oliver's face. "I guess... I guess I wasn't even thinking. I was just running." He told her. Had she been vocal about blaming herself, he would have launched into a explanation of how this was all on him and AJ shouldn't be blaming herself for the situation. For the broken ankle or for igniting old flames that had yet to settle.

He noticed her wince. "Are you okay?" Oliver asked, before a featherlight touch was applied to his ankle. The physical contact between himself and AJ caused him to straighten his back, startled. Soon, he relaxed with a shaky exhale. "Yeah... I mean, it's just my ankle, really." His gaze traveled to her hand, and then to her eyes.

"You... you know, I don't want to avoid this anymore." He suddenly blurted out. Given the context, it was random, but it was what Oliver had been thinking all along. And it had taken over a year of pain, guilty and misery for him to finally realize that. "I'm... I'm sorry, AJ."

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ had been a part of the reason why he'd just been running and not thinking and so she couldn't help but blame herself for his fall, his hurt ankle. Was this how things were going to be? Endless feelings of guilt? She didn't want that. It was so hard to deal with, and yet she couldn't shake it. She felt responsible.

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, messing with her bangs, which were quite possibly now muddled with blood. Great. "I think I just knicked my forehead on something." It wasn't a big deal. His ankle was. She could still walk with a cut on her forehead.

"Good," she declared at first. "I mean, I'm glad there's not any more injuries." She let out a breath, hands trembling slightly on his ankle. It wasn't like it was an intimate spot to touch somebody, but touching Oliver in general was difficult. It was a step beyond being around him, but she couldn't let that get to her right now. She had to help him. "I hope it's just sprained." She'd feel even worse if he'd broken his ankle.

She was looking down at his ankle, hands gently feeling around, and then she looked up, meeting his gaze, which she'd been able to feel. "See, we keep saying we don't want to avoid it anymore, and yet...we keep taking steps backwards everytime we make some sort of progress." It wasn't just Oliver that was the problem here, it was her too.

[Oliver Barnes]

AJ brushed off Oliver's feelings of concern, assuring him that it wasn't anything major as she played with her bangs. "Okay, if you say so." He said, a smile twitching on his lips. It was something he said to her a lot, back in Minnesota. When he wanted to press further but wouldn't.

"Yeah, I'm lucky I didn't hurt my back or anything." Oliver winced at the thought of what would've happened if he'd injured his spine. He could see her shaky hands around his ankle, the cool touch of her fingertips providing some relief to the aching fire. He tried swallowing the lump that appeared in his throat, wanting nothing more than to take her hand in his own and assure her that everything was going to be alright.

His eyes met with hers, not wavering like usual. A snort escaped from Oliver's lips, unable to deny the truth in AJ's statement. They wanted to change... but had done absolutely nothing to accomplish that. "We're a mess." He said. A sad truth. They were a complete mess.

"I... I shouldn't have run away, back there. And I'm not just saying that cause I fell." Oliver paused, only to collect his thoughts. To hopefully make some sense. "And I know I said I would stop running, and sometimes, it's easier... but in the end, what does it accomplish? Nothing. I... I already lost you once, AJ, and I don't want to lose you again." Hesitantly, Oliver reached out, placing a hand on top of hers. An equally shaky hand.

"And I kept avoiding the issue because... of the circumstances surrounding what happened." Oliver breathed out. "I liked you." He admitted, speaking the words out loud for the first time, his cheeks burning with colour. "It was pretty obvious, I'm sure everybody knew. Anyways, I had liked you for awhile and planned on taking you to the dance. I never intended to...you know. But the feelings were undeniably there. Wandering eyes and whatnot." The more he talked, the more Oliver felt his face go red. Admitting that he had been checking AJ out to her face wasn't exactly something he'd planned to do. But it was necessary.

[Amanda Joy "AJ" Lane]

AJ recognized the typical Oliver line. "Really, I'm fine," she recited once more to show him that she really was. It stung, slightly, but the cut on her forehead wasn't the issue, even if it was probably creating quite the mess between her damp hair plastered on her forehead and the blood.

"Yeah, we are," AJ agreed. At first it was a solemn statement, and then sort of like Oliver had snorted at the fact that they hadn't done anything to change despite wanting to, she let out a laugh, even if it was sort of bitter sounding. "Well, I hope at least part of the reason why you're saying it is because you fell. You weren't...being careful." She said she wouldn't run either, and while she hadn't, she'd wanted to avoid him after their altercation in front of the cabin. She hadn't known if she'd be able to approach him again like she had in the first place.

She watched as he placed his hand over hers, trembling. "We keep saying these things, Oliver..and then...and then it's like we just can't get past what happened in the end." They'd been doing therapy, trying to talk to each other more....and they always ended up in a fight or avoiding one another.

"Is that why you thought it was your fault? Why you blamed yourself so much?" It made sense. He'd blame himself for having the feelings that were then manipulated. But it didn't matter. Because she shouldn't be able to manipulate pheromones. It wasn't a normal thing to be able to do, he shouldn't have had to worry or even think about the possibility of that happening. Not a high school student with a crush who was trying to figure out what they felt...all of the hormones. Oliver was human and he was also a teenage boy and like any other teenage boy, hormones were going to affect him, she just never figured any of them would be directed at her. "I thought about it. After I calmed down, after I learned about my power...it explained the situation more...that there was something there when it happened. And I almost didn't want the explanation...because it just reminded me that I'd lost you and that everything seemed unsalvagable between us." It was hard for her to face, for her to mull over how she'd missed what he'd felt about her and at the same time, she hadn't exactly known how he felt, just that he'd felt something.

Her eyes fell as he continued talking, resting on their hands. Why were they talking about this here? When he was injured? "You don't have to," she started, shaking her head, when he began admitting how he'd been feeling about her, the feelings she'd manipulated into more. "You don't need to put yourself through this again...I know why what happened happened. When I learned about my power, it was obvious. Don't make yourself rethink it all. I don't...I'm not angry or....disgusted that you felt that way, so just don't." She'd finally looked up at him again.

[Oliver Barnes]

The laugh that came from AJ's lips was as bitter sounding as his snort. Out of context, both were inappropriate sounds to make in response. But it was undeniably fitting, for both of them to try and lighten the situation at hand. To make the statement a little less sad. With his free hand, Oliver ran a hand through his hair with a smile that turned into a grimace at the sudden throbbing pain in his ankle. "Yeah, I know." He said with a sharp exhale. It was careless of him to run full tilt into the forest, with no plans. Just letting his feet carry him. Clearly, it didn't end well since he was sitting in a hole with an old friend from Minnesota.

Would it always like that? Calling her an old friend from Minnesota?

His hand continued to shake, not knowing if it was from the subject of their conversation or the physical contact he introduced between the two. Inhale, two three. Exhale. Repeat. No more running away from the anxiety and avoiding her. It was time to face his fears. "Yeah... yes." Oliver answered, voice barely above a whisper.

"And knowing what I am, and what you are.. we are, metas." He spoke, pausing to collect his thoughts. "I don't blame you. And I never did. I blamed myself." Like how she blamed herself. They were both so stuck in their own world, plagued by thoughts of guilt and remorse that they didn't have the chance to talk things out and heal old wounds. His lower lip trembled; dealing with what happened only reminded Oliver of the feelings that somehow, he felt himself getting caught up in. As her eyes fell, his flickered to her face. To her sweet and gentle expression that he longed for.

"But, I can't do that anymore. Can't put myself through that torture. Because it's pointless." It really was. Holding onto the self hatred only made things worse, as Oliver discovered firsthand. He held up his index finger with his free hand, shaking his head. ""No, no... AJ I have to." He insisted. He wanted to talk about this; right now. Even if it wasn't the ideal place or time. Although his cheeks were flushed with embarrassment, Oliver continued. "Maybe it's why we haven't moved on. Because we haven't addressed that part of the night." Every conversation, they seemed to dance around the main trigger, his feelings.

It was a relief to hear that she wasn't upset. That she wasn't angry that he'd developed feelings for her at such a pivotal point. Brown eyes landed on their hands again, giving hers a gentle squeeze. "I miss you, AJ. I miss us." He admitted the undeniable fact. "That night, you know, despite feeling overwhelmed I.. had a lot of fun. It meant a lot to me that you went to the dance." It still did.