Time Warp: Can You Come Over? (Kai)

[Malachai Roen]

Kai tried to imagine what he would have done if he had been in their place. He liked to think he could handle himself and somehow intimidate the guy into leaving him alone, but… If he was faced with gunpoint, he had no idea what he would do. He’d never held a gun in his life; he didn’t really like them anyway. He was of the opinion that their only use was for violence against people, and that mindset was even more firmly stamped in him now. He was going to be talking to his parents about this at some point, they had influences…

He continued to just stroke Zach soothingly, hoping it would help with the anxiety. Kai knew time was the only real way to get over this, but even then, he doubted Zach would get over it any time soon, if ever. Hell, he might develop PTSD from this…

Kai wondered what he was thinking, if Zach was blaming himself, or trying to think of what else he could have done. “Hey… It’s over and done with, alright?” he murmured softly, cupping his hand around Zach’s neck and pulling him closer. “Nothing you can do or think now is going to change what happened, we just… We need to get through this and keep going, you know?” Kai didn’t think dwelling on it would do either of them any good, but he wasn’t sure if even he would be able to help it. He rubbed Zach’s arm, trying to stop him trembling. “I will. I promise,” he murmured. “I’ll stay all night if I need to.”

And then he just sat there and held him for a while, not saying a lot, just offering his warmth and presence and protection against anything outside of just the two of them. When his anger and worry finally faded enough for him to calm down somewhat, Kai was hit with a wave of fatigue. He still hadn’t slept yet. “Hey… How are you doing?” he murmured, brushing back Zach’s hair. “Do you want to go to your room? I can just spend the night, no one needs to know I’m here.” Besides, what would anyone say if they did know? Most of them seemed to like Kai alright…. Although he realized he didn’t know how many of them knew he and Zach were more than just friends, and that could be potentially awkward. But it was more important to keep Zach safe and comfortable. “What do you think?”

[Deleted]

Why was it that giving in was the only answer Zach could come up with at the time? Why couldn’t he think of something else to do, at least? Something that was more than just rolling over and letting that person take whatever it was he wanted. It made Zach realize that…yes, he really was passive. He was a complete pushover. That was why Kai could pretty much get him to do anything just by pushing Zach a little, wasn’t it? Even against Claudia, Zach was usually the first person to give. The Queen Bee was relentless, Zach could never keep up with her stamina in a fight. Why was Zach always so……

Pathetic….

He was, wasn’t he? Forwards and backwards, inside and out, there was absolutely nothing that Zach could have done differently in that situation. Anything he tried would have gotten him either laughed at or killed. He couldn’t do anythi—

Tears continued to stream from his eyes as he dwelled on these thoughts. As he tried to not dwell on them. And then turned around to go over the whole thing all over again. Reliving it. No…no! He needed to think of something else and that something was right here in front of him, holding him, trying to carry his anguish for him. It helped. It didn’t help….Zach didn’t know yet. Kai’s words seemed about as generic as everyone else’s. The things a person was supposed to say in this situation. They were supposed to be comforting, and in a way they were…..but at the same time, Zach felt the seed of irritation start to sprout inside him.

“How…how do you think I’m doing!?” he snapped, lifting his head sharply. Zach was instantly hit with a wave of guilt and his gaze lowered once again. “I’m sorry, I just…” He just. “Just” didn’t mean it was okay for him to start attacking Kai for no good reason. What was the question again? “I…I don’t know!” he said, desperation tainting his voice. “I don’t know if you….Mom will…and everyone….” Don’t even get him started on JJ. But that still wasn’t even the problem, because Zach would probably have just dealt with them on any normal occasion. Tonight….this morning was far from normal.

Thinking about it was just something extra he had to worry about, and it was all weighing on him at once. His breath started to quicken. “I don’t know, I….” Zach covered his face with a shaking hand and closed his reddened eyes. A sudden onset of claustrophobia hit him and Zach pushed himself out of Kai’s hold, uttering quickly “I need air…” and hastily walked to the door of the patio which led out to the backyard. Zach did not stop until he was leaning off his arms against the big tree off the center of the yard. His head was down, and his back rose and fell rapidly like he’d just ran a race.

[Malachai Roen]

What was Kai supposed to say? He had never been good with words in these sorts of intimate situations with Zach (neither of them were, really, despite the fact that Zach was a writer, so he should be better with them), so he was just murmuring all that he could think of. He wanted to try to keep Zach distracted from his thoughts, but there was only so much he could do…

He winced back as Zach snapped at him, shame flushing his cheeks. It had been a stupid question, why had he asked that? “I’m sorry…” he breathed. But then Zach was apologizing right back at him, and Kai shook his head, his fingers combing through the older man’s hair in slow, steady movements. “It’s okay…. You have a right to be angry…” he murmured. If Zach needed to get that out, then he would take whatever he had to. He nuzzled the top of the writer’s head, heart still aching for him. “Yeah… Yeah, okay…” he said, holding in a sigh. They really… Should open up to Zach’s family sometime… Especially if Kai was going to start coming around much more often…

But that wasn’t important right now. Because Zach seemed to be panicking, and even though Kai’s initial instinct was to pull him in tighter, the older man was pushing himself up and away from him. Kai sat there for a few moments, stone-still and staring at the door where Zach had retreated. A sudden wave of worry and fear hit the winged meta, and he leaped to his feet and darted out after him, as though there could be another gunman waiting for his lover in his family’s backyard. “Zach?” he called out, his voice slightly panicked. It took him a few moments to locate him in the darkness, but he eventually spotted him against a big tree, and Kai hurried over. His hands hovered over Zach’s shoulders, but he was afraid to touch him, uncertain if Zach wanted him to or not. And so he just stood there, conflicted, and slowly looked up to gaze at the treehouse above them.

That could be a distraction, right? “Hey… I don’t think I’ve ever been inside this thing yet,” he offered quietly, hoping the change in topic might shake Zach out of his thoughts. “We could sleep in there… Or something.” Kai didn’t know how much Zach felt like sleeping, though, and the burst of adrenaline he’d just gotten probably wouldn’t wear off for a while. His hand finally went to smooth down the older man’s arm, the other raising to his shoulder to hold while Kai pecked Zach’s cheek. “….. I love you so much…” he uttered. “I just want you to feel safe.”

[Deleted]

Zach was just on edge and he knew it. Everything Kai tried to say just sounded like it was criticism or patronizing or and attack on him. He felt like he needed to be defensive about everything now, and he didn’t. Not really. But it was hard to think straight right now, and that was what accounted for his outbursts. First, when he snapped at Kai just for asking a simple question out of concern. “St…stop…” he started with a choking voice. “…stop making excuses for me…” It made him feel even more pathetic. Nothing gave him the right to be an ass to someone who was just trying to help.

Second, was when Zach physically pushed himself away from Kai and fled to the backyard. Zach wasn’t even sure why he did that himself, he just felt like he…like he needed to get away. To get out of that small little room…though the back patio really wasn’t all that small or compact. At least he’d never thought so before. He needed to be somewhere where he could breath. Even so, as he leaned up against that tree with his head buried…Zach wasn’t sure any of it was helping. His chest still felt tight, and every single labored breath seemed to burn. He just…needed a few minutes. Though Zach could feel the tears start to well up again, and he shut his eyes tight trying to hold them back.

It was probably a good thing that Kai held back on touching Zach. Feeling like this, Zach wasn’t sure what he might’ve done to the younger man, if he tried to invade to quickly. Zach swallowed again, barely able to grasp what he was trying to talk about. The treehouse? Zach turned his head slightly, peering out at Kai in bewilderment. That’s what he wanted to talk about? He swallowed. “I…I don’t know….I haven’t…in a long…” Zach was having more trouble than usual formulating words and stringing them into coherent sentences. He looked up. “JJ sleeps up there sometimes. In the summer.” Kailin and Katy would too sometimes. Savvy too, though she usually did alone, sneaking out without telling anyone. Zach had followed her sometimes in the past.

The distraction was working, however, and Zach barely even realized it. When Kai touched his arm, Zach flinched slightly. When his hand laid upon his shoulder, Zach lowered his gaze from the treehouse above them and turned his head to look at Kai, his mouth slightly agape. “Y-you…” You do? Of course he did, he’d said it before, hadn’t he? Zach closed his mouth and dropped his eyes again, though this time he shifted himself backwards into Kai and his warmth. “I know….I’m sorry….” He was such a mess right now. Zach turned slightly, leaning even further into his…his Kai. “….thank you….for being here….and putting up with me….” He nuzzled into Kai’s chest and closed his eyes again. He really could stay just like this forever. “……do you….do you really….want to see it?” he asked. The treehouse, he meant.

[Malachai Roen]

Stop making excuses for me. Kai could have laughed if the situation was in any way less serious. “Are you kidding?” he said softly. “Zach…You’ve been through something traumatic. Of course you’re going to be on edge.” There was no way to say that lightly. Zach might be seriously affected for this for a long time, and Kai had to deal with whatever effects came as well as he could.

It probably shouldn’t be a surprise that Zach didn’t want to feel wrapped up. Trapped. Like he probably felt in that alley… Trapped, nowhere to go, forced to give up his belongings for his and his sister’s safety. That didn’t mean Kai was just going to let him go.

So he just hovered, feeling horribly useless and stupid. What use were his big muscles and good looks now, huh? He couldn’t even… He hadn’t even been around to help… He just had to do his best in the aftermath. At least Zach seemed somewhat willing to talk about something else. Kai offered a weak smile, lifting his eyes up again. “I bet it’s amazing inside,” he mused aloud. “All the hard work you guys put into it… It’s like… A fortress.” A fortress, yeah. A fortress where they could hide away from the rest of the world and Zach could feel safe. Right?

He winced along with Zach’s flinch, hoping he wasn’t doing too much. When he didn’t pull away, though, and didn’t seem too badly affected, Kai continued with his soft, gentle caresses. “Yes,” he replied to Zach’s unfinished question, a sad smile on his face. “I don’t say it enough…” From now on, Kai would make sure the writer never forgot it. His arms came around the older man as he shifted into his embrace, and Kai leaned back against the tree slightly as he held his lover close. “Don’t apologize,” he murmured. “It’s okay to be messed up after… After something like that. Hell, I’m messed up, and it didn’t even happen to me.” He kissed Zach’s cheek again. “Of course,” he said quietly. “Anytime, no matter what, just call me if you need me, and I’ll… I’ll be with you as soon as I can.” Before Zach, Kai had always put school and work absolutely first. But… But this… This was more important. From now on, Zach was his number one priority, no exceptions. He chuckled slightly and looked up at the treehouse again. “Yeah… I really do,” he replied, rubbing Zach’s back. “If you wouldn’t mind showing me.” He still hoped it would be a good distraction. “How do you get up?” He hoped there weren’t splinters involved.

[Deleted]

Maybe that was all he needed. A good freak out. After all, he couldn’t do it in front of his siblings, especially not Lany, or any of the younger ones like Savvy, JJ, and Kailin. Even though he was far from okay, having these moments with Kai, where he could freely and safely respond and react to the day’s events, was making him feel a little bit better. Lighter. Like he wasn’t holding in a million pounds of pressure of raw stress and anxiety. He’d probably develop an ulcer if he did that…

That was….probably the reason why he was starting to calm down more. Or maybe Kai was just that good at distracting Zach? Or maybe it was something else entirely? Either way, it was a relief to try and think about something else. “Um…y-yeah…it is,” he said, swallowing hard. He managed a smile, though it was transient. “We all…well, it was mostly, um….me, Dev, and….and our dad…” Gordon was still pretty young when it was built. After they moved to Pilot Ridge, they added more to it, making Zach use his ability to help out with the hard parts. “I fell,” he continued with a weak, nostalgic laugh. “L-lost my grip…they were…making me do some work on the outside and….heh, I uh…broke my leg.” And damn, did it hurt! Zach remembered the pain like it was yesterday. He didn’t ever want to have to go through something like that again.

Just like…he never wanted to go through something like this….

Talking was good…for a moment, until it cycled back to the problem. Unintentionally, but that was no doubt how these things worked, finding a reminder in pretty much everything you saw or said or… Zach really needed to chill out. He was going to drive himself crazy at this rate.

Just…focus on Kai. On his voice, on his hands, on his…bare chest…. “…I don’t either,” Zach muttered, leaning into Kai and resting his head on his collar. When was the last time Zach actually said those three words? How many times had he said it since he first confessed all those months back? Less than a handful, no doubt… “I love you….” he said in a low voice. “…..I’m sorry…” He was going to apologize anyway. Over and over. Because he shouldn’t be burdening Kai with his problems, and yet he knew he wasn’t going to be able to get by without Kai’s support. “Okay….” It was reassuring, at least, knowing that Kai was going to be there for him. Zach took a few more breaths before following Kai’s gaze up into the treehouse. “No, it’s…it’s fine,” he said. He could probably use a break doing….well, something. Anything. Zach smiled softly. “There’s a rope ladder on the other side,” he explained, taking Kai by the hand and pulling him to the other side of the large tree. Zach’s eyes followed up the ladder to the square hole in the bottom of the structure. “Think you can make it, tough guy?” Eww, what did he just say? Oh, well.

[Malachai Roen]

Good, Zach seemed to be calming down, which relieved Kai. He thought maybe this talking about the treehouse was going to be a good distraction, and it seemed to be working. “Yeah?” he replied, raising his eyebrows with and impressed humph. “That’s amazing. I don’t think I ever would have managed to make something like that…” Still couldn’t probably; he’d be too worried about breaking a nail or getting a splinter. “… You what?” he said with a short laugh. “Oh, damn, Zach… That must have sucked.” He’d never broken a bone in his body (which was amazing, given his ability and risk for osteoporosis – and mostly due to the fact he never did anything risky ever), so he couldn’t relate much. “Well, I promise I’m here to catch you if you ever fall again,” he added, sounding cheesier than he had intended. Kai coughed awkwardly. “Er… Pretend that sounded more romantic and less stupid.”

He sensed that Zach was starting to think back about the… The thing again… And Kai tried desperately to think of another distraction. His hands kept rubbing the older man’s back, trying to comfort him with his touch. I’m here, he thought, tucking his chin over Zach’s head. You can depend on me… I’m not going anywhere…

He’d pretty much forgotten how little he was still wearing; Zach was warm against his chest, so Kai didn’t feel the cool air. He chuckled slightly at the writer’s words. “Well, I’m going to start saying it more often now,” he promised. “So you never forget. Okay?” Kai nuzzled his hair, and his heart melted all over again hearing those three simple words. “Oh, Zach…” he breathed. “It’s alright, really…” He wished he would stop apologizing; it made Kai feel bad. After a few more caresses (and a small, soft kiss or two), Kai pulled away just enough to get a glance at this ladder that Zach was talking about. “Wait, so you built this entire huge thing by yourselves, and you just have a rope ladder to get in?” he asked, mildly flustered. “Man, I don’t know if I can, it might break under my fat-ass weight…” Kai grinned at Zach and gave him a peck on the nose. “I’ll try… Maybe I’ll just make a fool out of myself and I’ll get you to laugh,” he added, chuckling himself.

Kai let go of Zach’s hand and gripped onto the rope, testing its strength before starting up. Damn, it was pretty tricky… The winged man was struggling more than he’d anticipated. “Ah!” he exclaimed at one point when he nearly lost his footing. “… I’m okay…” Kai shot a grin down at his lover before continuing on until he, thankfully, made it to the top. He flopped onto the floor of the treehouse and peeked down through the hole. “I want to see you do it now,” he teased. He would wait to look around until Zach joined him inside.

[Deleted]

Stupid treehouse….stupid Kai….actually doing the right thing. Even though Zach was at a point where he thought nothing would help and where Kai’s words were just irritating, somehow, whatever Kai was doing was actually working. Get his mind onto something else and….it doesn’t make the problem go away, but it does keep Zach from falling into a full-on panic attack. Zach….it was frustrating. He took another breath and tried to concentrate on the conversation. “Yeah….I…I had to stay home from the family vacation that summer….it was…” Depressing. Lonely. Zach smiled slightly when Kai promised to catch him if he ever fell again. Silly. “Thanks…it was pretty stupid though.”

Zach was….he was glad he called Kai. Zach had been hesitant to do it at first, not wanting to bother the younger man who was no doubt busy with his schoolwork and research, as usual, but Zach was glad he did so anyway. If not, then Zach would have been curled up in his bed right now, unable to sleep, with no one else around to…. Kai was all he needed right now. Even if all he did was hold the writer, that was so much better than the alternative.

He took a few more breaths as he tried to calm down again within Kai’s embrace. Saying those words….I love you….after all the drama they’d been through…it was strange. It was true, of course, but saying it was awkward. Probably because they’d hadn’t done it as often…or ever really, before. But Zach did find some small comfort in those words, along with Kai’s touches and soft kisses. He..he loved him. He loved Kai so much, and it felt like he had for a long time, for years rather than the eleven months that had passed since they first met in the library. Zach’s heart ached, now, thinking about all that time they lost when they were broken up. He should never have walked away. He never should have…and he never would again, he promised himself.

Zachary chuckled, his head dipping down into Kai’s chest. “Well….of course. How else would we get in?” They could’t exactly install an elevator or a staircase, now could they? Though knowing Kai, he’d try to do it anyway. “It wouldn’t be a treehouse otherwise.” Zach shook his head, snickering at Kai’s silly comments. “It won’t, it’s…it’s pretty sturdy…” They kept the upkeep on the treehouse pretty consistent. Every spring they’d make sure there wasn’t too much damage from the snow, and then look for other minor things that could use attention. It was for safety, mostly. They wouldn’t want it to collapse while someone was inside, right?

Zach watched in silent amusement as Kai attempted to scale the rope ladder. He really didn’t know how to do…the simplest things sometimes. It brought a smile to Zach’s face and he raised his head up to look at Kai’s dumb face sticking through the hole. “……okay.” He asked for it. Zach slipped out of his slippers and, like he’d done so many times before, started climbing. Up the side of the tree. Zach didn’t need a ladder. When he reached the entry hole, Zach was crawling along the underside of the treehouse and looking “down” at Kai through it. “Hi,” he said smugly. Zach twisted himself around and pulled himself up through the hole, sitting on the edge with his feet dangling through it. “…..I admit, I’ve never used the ladder,” he said with a small laugh and a blush.