hey

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Oriel thought he understood what Kodi was going through….and maybe he did. But it was more like he didn’t realize just how similar Kodi’s current state was to Oriel’s own for a number of years. It was strange actually, and Oriel hadn’t thought of it before. But back in NYC, Oriel was focused so hard on just living that he didn’t have a chance to process any of what was going on. And then once his turbulent lifestyle had calmed down…once he came to Hammel…that’s when the nightmares started. The insomnia. The anxiety that left him so high strung that ramming his fist into the concrete was the only thing he could think of to do to get rid of it. Or at least distract himself.

The causes were were completely different…the fears were different….but the results, the emotions behind it all…those were the same….

Oriel was only vaguely making that connection, though. He was more concentrated on the reality that Kodi’s situation overlapped with Phoenix’s. And he was terrified that that was what he’d done to the person he loved. Oriel had turned him into..that….just a mess of blank stares and nerves that could go off at the slightest provocation. But he also couldn’t deny that Kodi was far more similar to Oriel than he was to Phoenix…and that was why he was relating it to how Oriel knew he would respond. What he knew would work against himself. That’s really all he could do.

“Damn straight I met you, you fucking sissy! And I know you got that fucking heart of gold or whatever shit people call it that is so fucking annoying that you can’t ignore even if you wanted to!” If you came at Oriel with yelling, then he was going to respond with it. He hadn’t moved from his curled up place on the bed, however. “You’re not going to lose him,” he asserted, his voice calming a bit. “Kodi is not going to leave you, and you do know what to say. And if you don’t, write out a fucking script and recite it ’til you got it fucking down, got it? You’re….” He swallowed again and rubbed his face into the blankets for a second before returning to the phone. “You’re a hella lot better with words than I am. And a lot nicer. You can do it. And it’s going to be fine, alright?” Oriel had no guarantee of that…but he wasn’t fucking Dr. Sean, so he could get away with making absolute statements and irresponsible promises like that. Oriel just hoped he was right.

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"How do you know?!" Gryph yelled, struggling to keep it contained, "How do you know this won't just blow up in my face, after all my efforts, how do you know this won't make it all worse?!" He despised the risk - because even if Gryphon and Kodi were dissimilar, Gryph knew him. He knew him well - well enough to know he wouldn't want to lose this companionship. And Gryphon... it was an idea, but, "...I c-can't," He stuttered, his eyes brimming with tears, "No, I can't, c-could never..." Gryph held his head in his spare hand, "T-There has to be another way."

Gryphon looked around, behind him, to look into the apartment, "...I j-just don't know what." One of the quickest things that came to mind, one of the things that popped up on the numerous websites Gryph had looked at, was family support, because it was stable. Your parents, if they were truthfully loving, would be unconditional, and would help you do the right thing. Gryphon had thought about contacting Kodi's mother for this exact reason, because she definitely seemed to care, but... this was difficult, he wasn't sure how he would tell her... but it was important. Maybe he would contact her. "I n-need to do this... someway which keeps us together." Gryph finally said, softly, "Because I know he'll just resort to what he did the last time we separated if I split us apart." Well, he didn't. But looking at the facts, he was fairly certain Kodi would just spiral down, look for the nearest source of comfort. It seemed to be something the dentokinetic pined for. To have something or someone to fall back on. Gryph currently seemed to fill that position, but he dreaded thinking what Kodi would replace him with.

[Deleted]

He didn’t know. He didn’t know. But he had to do something. “W-what’s going to happen if you do nothing, then? If you keep doing the same goddamn thing you been doing? You think it’s going to suddenly, magically change? That….that….” Oriel made a sharp sound of frustration, turning into his pillow and growling fiercely into it. This was….it was like talking to a fucking wall! Gryphon couldn’t just…..

Oriel kept the phone close enough to his ear to hear, but left his face buried into the cushion of his blanket and pillow. It was hard to breath, but maybe the act of trying to breath through layers of cotton would get the boy to calm down? Maybe.

“….what other way….?” he mumbled into the linen, though he wasn’t sure if Gryph could hear him. Or if he could, then doubtful he could understand. Oriel couldn’t think of any other way. The idea of family support never occurred to him because…well, when one didn’t have a family to support them, it was hard to resort to that as a solution. Though it had certainly worked for Phoenix, despite the ‘family’ he had being that grumpy old man.

Oriel turned his head finally and pulled in a deep breath to his stinging lungs. “……yeah….fuck, I don’t know what you should do then….just…..do something…..” He opened his eyes into thin slits and peered through bleariness at the light coming from his phone. Fucking turkey… “And don’t fuck it up.”

[Gryphon Matsuoka]

"I'm not dumb, I know I can't just let this sit..." Gryphon shook his head, sniffing a couple times. He couldn't tell if he was just upset or if he was coming down with something by this point, the amount he kept sniffing, "I just... I..." Nope, no words. All he knew was that he wasn't going to suggest any separation unless he ended up with no other choice in the matter. It just felt like too much of a risk. He couldn't put either of their emotions on the line like that, it just felt like a tightrope walk as it was.

Gryph heard a mumble, and he really couldn't interpret what Oriel had said, but he was getting a headache slowly, so he was losing the will to care. It was pretty late, he just wanted to go to bed...

It wasn't the winged man's first idea, anything to do with family, because family usually wasn't his first resort for help either, but Kodi had that option. He felt... it could work. It would be worth it. And he had high hopes that Kodi and his mother could have a good relationship now, and maybe... maybe this could help that too...? He rolled his eyes when he heard Oriel speak again, "Thanks so much, Einstein." Gryphon rubbed his temple. He was gonna need some painkillers before bed... "I'm going. Bye." And without anymore warning, Gryph ended the call. His head was pounding and his body was begging him to get to bed, but he took a moment to put his phone away and take a few good, deep breaths of fresh air before wheeling himself inside to get what he needed and roll back to bed. The whole time, his thoughts ran through his head, threaded with guilt and worry and fear. He just had this constant hopefulness - that one day, he would wake up and would feel like nothing was wrong. It made him feel worse knowing a day like that wouldn't happen soon.

It was just.... incredibly difficult, doing what he was doing. And Gryph.... wasn't sure anyone understood how upset and stressed he was. He just wanted comfort. He wanted to know everything would turn out okay, but he wasn't sure that was the case, and that scared the avian man. Immensely.