Never Break a Promise of Food… (Dalton, Lani & L.C

[Jacob Dalton]

<< His mention of family was what really got through to Lani the magnitude of what Dalton was trying to emphasize. "Would they do that?" He asked just barely able to keep his voice from shaking. "Would they go after our families?"

…she looked to Lani, and with a slight twitch, flared her temper. “Only if they don’t join the damn mob in the first place.” She snapped. “They can go right on ahead, for all I care.” >>

What a contrast, thought Dalton, his heart going out to L.C. “If your family would ever consider such an act, I am so very sorry to hear it. Is there no one else: no one who has reached out to you?”

He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to hear the answer to that. It seemed he had made an error: stepped on a tender spot. But clearly this was a possibility that Lani feared.

“They might. History is against us: humanity is far from humane. Differences become bullseyes, and collateral damage…” he shook his head. “Once fear destroys reason, nothing is sacred: nothing safe.”

He had tried so hard to emphasize the positive: to make clear he was extending his own olive branch to help them overcome whatever issues they may have faced in the past. But from the look of her face, it was clear the young lady would have none of it.

<< We are in a prison, Mr. Dalton. A prison that calls itself a school...

…I am here because they have to put me in here, because I’m a ‘danger to society’.” She shoved her sleeve up her arm and jagged six inch spikes covered her arm. “I don’t even have to hurt anyone! I walk down the street like this, the cops will be shooting my ass down in a minute flat. It’s not my damn fault I’m a walking porcupine.” >>

Dalton did not flinch as the furious young lady waved dozens of potentially lethal spikes before his face. He did not protest. He could not: the majority of what she said was quite true, and the rest was largely a matter of perspective. And he had gone too far: provoked her as he had hoped not to do. But there were things he had needed to say, had hoped to say in a way it would be accepted. Obviously this way had not succeeded. But she had heard him out: he would most certainly return the favor.

<< ...I have to sit in classes with fourteen year olds, middle schoolers, and even kids who should still be in elementary school!” >>

Quite honestly, this was an aspect that had not occurred to him. He had assumed she was at least a couple of years younger, and merely more physically mature than average. It had not crossed his mind that there would be adults assigned to classes.

Her point was quite valid: if she were an adult and accused of no crime, then assigning her here was a violation of Constitutional rights. Unfortunately the government had managed to twist definitions for metas just as they had for “suspected terrorists,” and so far had managed to maintain their loopholes.

So he understood it intellectually, but she had been dealing with this travesty of injustice as her daily reality. Her expletive was well earned; and given the talk he used to hear around the firehouse, the intended shock value of her verbiage barely registered. There were far more serious issues being discussed here than linguistic propriety. To have made comment on her choice of words right now (especially given her status as an adult!) would have been the most egregious of hypocrisies.

<< “You don’t know anything about me. You don’t know if I’m a bad person, you don’t know if I’ve killed anyone. So until you take the time to learn anything about me, don’t give me a lecture on how I should ‘be nicer’ to people and apologize. >>

Was that what she had heard? So much for his efforts at subtlety and balance. She had totally misconstrued his intent; but as far as he was concerned, the fault was all his. He was the “adult,” the authority, the communicator: it was his duty to have found a way to share his meaning such that she would understand. He had failed. But to protest now would only sound defensive: he would have to make an effort to repair the damage later.

<< …You adults are always saying ‘respect is earned’. Well guess what? I’m sick of dishing it out and getting nothing back. Respect me first and we’ll see what you get back.” >>

He had tried. The whole intent of the conversation had not been to lecture, but rather to reason: to share a philosophy from an outside perspective, to show causes and effects to which they could relate, for considering an alternative course of action. No judgment had been intended against them: in his mind, none had been implied. But these two had faced judgment so many times before, no wonder she was hypersensitive.

He listened to her outburst at Lani, knowing this was merely a spillover from her anger at him, but also idly wondering how much truth there was in her implied accusations against the boy. Not that it was foremost on his mind, but a possible concern for the future.

He grimaced as she ripped stripes down the rock. Ah, well: the boulders had not been carved to any specific shape for any purpose. It did not fail to catch his notice that she had been so selective with her target: nor that she was not so overwhelmed with anger as to neglect to take her pizza box with her.

<<"You are a poor judge of character, Mr. Dalton," [Lani] replied cryptically…>>

“I wouldn’t be too quick to judge her, Lani,” Dalton sighed, watching the girl’s retreating figure. “Or yourself, for that matter.”

He turned back to the young man.

“Who are we, Lani? Are we that no good, dreadful excuse for humanity our worst critics tell us we are? Are we the lily-white saints to which we aspire in our noblest moments? Obviously neither of those. Are we the sum of all our experiences and all our choices? That seems a poor choice as well, for time and again we have seen that anyone has the capacity to change for good or ill.

“I believe we are best defined as individuals by that conscious essence within us which reacts in the instant, without time to judge and weigh the reasons. When we respond in the moment, from the heart, that awareness that selects the impulse: more than anything else, I believe that is the essential ‘us.’

“I have seen the essential ‘you,’ Lani. When that moment came, ‘you’ stopped the ball. ‘You’ cared enough not to allow harm to come to a stranger. You shall continue to make many choices in your life: some will be good ones and some you will regret. But it is my confidence and my faith that when the chips are down, the choices that matter most in your life will be guided by your concern for others.”

<< He reached for another piece of pizza… "You're not like most of the teachers here." >>

Dalton considered that a moment. “I have some idea of your opinion on ‘most teachers here,’ so I shall take that as a compliment. But I will also offer this tidbit as food for thought: I strongly believe that if you give them a chance, you’ll find a lot of them are far more like me than you think.”

<< … Lani narrowed his eyes and locked them with the new teacher, "You really know what you're talking about, did you work at place like this before?" >>

Dalton held the young man’s gaze steadily, appreciating his desire for frank answers.

“I did. I worked at a private high school in Sacramento: a good school, with lots of teens whose parents wished to assure their child would one day become a senator, ambassador, CEO or billionaire. Young men and women under such pressure from the very people who should have been showing them unconditional love – and that pressure disguised as the love they craved – that many were at the breaking point. Many were on mood controlling drugs, or teenage alcoholics, or driving their sixth sports car because every time they crashed one, Daddy would rush out to buy them another.

“I saw young people trapped by a tragedy: facing expectations no one has a right to demand of anyone, and for no reason than to whom they were born. Children being told it was their prescribed destiny to become gods. Yes: I worked in a place very much like this…”

[Lani Hunter]

Lani was still occupied in detailing in his mind all the things he would do to the people who might hurt his family that he missed L.C.'s comment. He glanced around his eyes flashing with ideas of blood and turmoil. Dalton confirmed his anger and Lani literally growled and bared his teeth. He didn't say what he was thinking. But he would kill anyone with a threatening thought that got within a mile of his family. In retrospect it was probably a bad idea to give someone with a short temper telekinesis. His emotions linked closely with his power and whether that was a good thing of a bad thing his emotions often got the better of himself. Especially in the anger department. The blood lust he felt wasn't new but it was first time he was been willing to act upon it. His train of thought was not in self loathing in that he would be the cause of the pain but rather it was anger at how someone could turn against a helpless family for him.

He glanced up at L.C. in surprise. The outburst wasn't what was shocking but rather her words. He hadn't met anyone at this school who agreed with him about it being a prison. Rather hearing it from someone else rationalized his fears and he felt a sudden need to run and never stop. She was ranting and Lani couldn't help but agree with her. It was angering that she was yelling at the only person who had yet to show any concern for them. He glared at her at the same time. She was a little bit older than him, but then he couldn't really use the excuse of being an adult where she could. He nodded slightly, he felt the same he was in a few classes with little kids. Not that children bothered him, inversely he loved children but he had just gotten here and he was sure he wouldn't leave for another few years and he could kiss all that he wanted to be goodbye.

Lani glanced up in shock then lowered his gaze in a smoldering glare. He surge to his feet, "Don't lecture me! At least I'm trying something not just complaining about it!" He shot back his fists clenched. Lani saw red and as she retreated he gathered up the pebbles he rained on the ground and with as much accuracy as a pitcher lobbed them at her head. It did nothing in particular but it did make him feel better. He braced his feet. He knew he was goading her into a fight but right now that was all he felt like doing. His eyes shot back at Dalton his eyes flashing like a feral animal for a moment before he took a moment to calm down. He took a deep breath but didn't seat himself. He was far to keyed up to be calm at the moment. He rolled his eyes at the man. "I know who I am and I know what I've done." He answered his comment about judgment. He sighed, "But now you're going to ask me what right I have to judge other people." He said his anger deflated and leaving him vulnerable.

He plopped down like anger was the only thing holding him up. He looked up and listened. Listened more than he had ever in his life. Lani hesitated, "We're who people see us as. Historically. We are who history deems us to be remembered as." He shook his head a little. He was sure Dalton was going to explain why he was wrong now and Lani was for once in his life willing to listen. It didn't go in one ear and out the other like lectures normally did with him. Lani winced a little, that was a sore spot. He shook his head, "You have it all wrong. I might have stopped it but what if I couldn't." Lani took a deep breath, "My impulses are selfish. I wished not to get in trouble, that is why I stopped it. Just as back then when I was only concerned with myself." He shook his head, "I don't even know if everyone was alright." He realized he was talking about something that Dalton had no clue about but he wanted Dalton to realize that he was not the good person that he pretended to be.

Lani considered this for a long time. He had never been under much pressure at school or anything. All he cared about was living on the edge. He was an adrenaline junkie and that in and of itself destroyed him. "Why do you want to work at a place like this? With people like me, like L.C." Lani certainly would never want to deal with a school filled of people just like him. That would be his worst nightmare. He knew he was touchy and had a short temper not to mention he could lift and throw anything he wanted around in a tantrum. He hated to call them that but it was only too true.

[Jacob Dalton]

<< "Don't lecture me! At least I'm trying something not just complaining about it!" He shot back his fists clenched.>>

Sadly, it sounded to Dalton like the activity Lani was defending must be attempts at escape. Unfortunate: but given the involuntary nature of his situation, an understandable form of acting out. Until Dalton could show him the benefits of working within the system instead of against it, there was little chance such behavior would change: even less should Dalton offend further with another lecture. Lani needed a positive alternative, not more chastisement.

<< as she retreated he gathered up the pebbles he rained on the ground and with as much accuracy as a pitcher lobbed them at her head. It did nothing in particular but it did make him feel better. >>

Dalton had trouble repressing a grin, but did so. First L.C.’s venting of rage against the one object in her area where the damage was least likely to matter, while taking off with her pizza, now Lani “attacking” her with pebbles? With all the good solid rocks in the area, his choice was about as close to a tennis ball as he could manage without giving away his true lack of injurious intent.

How much do we do, Dalton reflected, which seems opposite to our true intent? So much to conceal our vulnerabilities: it was quite possible Lani liked the girl and her criticism hurt because of it, and thus he had to act in denial that interest was there. But pretending more to her or himself? Dalton did not know. Then again, perhaps he was reading mountains into molehills: sometimes it was hard to tell.

<< His eyes shot back at Dalton his eyes flashing like a feral animal for a moment before he took a moment to calm down…

"I know who I am and I know what I've done…"

"…But now you're going to ask me what right I have to judge other people." >>

Just as L.C.’s outburst against Lani had been a reflection of her anger at Dalton, this glare was clearly meant against L.C., and not him. Nothing to take personally.

Dalton smiled slightly at Lani’s two assertions, and shook his head. “It isn’t a question of whether you judge others or no, Lani: it’s the fact that you do judge yourself. Obviously you know of some past actions you realize were wrong. But instead of excusing or denying them, they nag at your conscience. If you were truly the cold-hearted soul you wish to portray yourself as being, you would shrug them off. The fact that you do not says you would at least be more at peace with yourself if you could find a better path in the future.

“They say: ‘Actions speak louder than words.’ Mostly true, but we all err, and occasionally cause others pain we did not intend. The question is: will you seek to make restitution, or allow the hurt forever to stand? Forgiveness and redemption can be sought at any time: one would hope sooner rather than later, but life is rarely either easy or fair.”

He could see that Lani had a tendency to lash out in unhealthy ways. While his speech had lost L.C. for now, Lani seemed to be absorbing his message. Dared he try to add another important warning? For the boy’s sake, he would risk it. Better that than remain silent, and see him make an error no regret could redeem.

“Sadly, sometimes we seek to substitute restitution with revenge against whomever we blame for leading us astray. In so doing we seek to deny our own culpability: and worse yet, wind up extending the harm of our error.

“As the proverb says: ‘Before you seek revenge, first dig two graves.’ Violence begets violence: one need look no further than Israel and Palestine to see what we create with an endless cycle of reprisal upon reprisal. Six decades of slaughter because neither side will say: ‘Enough is enough.’”

Would Lani understand? Dalton could only hope. At least he seemed to be trying to comprehend what the professor was trying to say about identity.

<< He plopped down like anger was the only thing holding him up. He looked up and listened. Listened more than he had ever in his life. Lani hesitated, "We're who people see us as. Historically. We are who history deems us to be remembered as." He shook his head a little. He was sure Dalton was going to explain why he was wrong now and Lani was for once in his life willing to listen. >>

Dalton was rather perplexed at Lani’s conclusion. “Then you would say that Lincoln was a nobody until he was defined by Carl Sandberg, his biographer? Who will be your Sandberg, Lani? Or mine? Your greatest admirer, or worst enemy? Are we so certain to make our mark in history to be written of at all? And if not, does that mean we never were?

“Who is a historian to define you, Lani? Who defined him as the author of your identity?”

Dalton stooped, picked up a small branch and traced letters with it in the dirt:

YOU ARE GOOD
YOU ARE BAD

“Am I your historian, Lani? Have I defined you by these strokes in the sand? By which set? Would these words truly mean more had I inscribed them on paper with a pen?”

He struck through the second line, rubbing the letters out completely. “So be it. If I am granted such authority over your soul, I shall lay claim to it. Then by your own words, you have no ground on which to differ with me. ‘So let it be written: so shall it be done.’”

He turned his gaze from the marks on the ground back to Lani. “If this is true, then you are anyone’s puppet to be defined at their whim. If not, then your identity belongs to no one but yourself.

“Who are you, Lani? Only you can say.”

<< He shook his head, "You have it all wrong. I might have stopped it but what if I couldn't." Lani took a deep breath, "My impulses are selfish. I wished not to get in trouble, that is why I stopped it. Just as back then when I was only concerned with myself." He shook his head, "I don't even know if everyone was alright." >>

Dalton leaned forward. “Lani: how fast was that ball flying? You didn’t have time to think. Stopping it was your first conscious impulse: the one you followed without time to consider the consequences.

“And since when does success or failure define our intention or identity? If a competitor in a race comes in second, do they change their name?

“You are who you choose to be, Lani. And based on what I have seen I have faith that in the end, you will choose good.”

Dalton did not miss that Lani was referring to some specific event in the past, but was not about to pry. If he had come so close to unburdening himself already, then let it flow: let it be natural. If he was ready he would say more: if he was not, it would do little use to urge him, drag an unwilling confession from him. When he needed it for the sake of his own healing, he would share as much as he needed or chose.

<< "Why do you want to work at a place like this? With people like me, like L.C.?" >>

Dalton smiled. “‘Like you, and like L.C.’ in what way? Young people full of both pain and promise, on the verge of adulthood, seeking to find your ways? Because there is little I find so rewarding as opening doors for others. ‘Like you’ in that your unique abilities magnify the potential you have both for good and for ill?”

He paused. “Perhaps because I wish I had received or followed better guidance in my youth.”

Lani’s question had stirred his own internal wondering to the surface.

“Naturally, you must know that I have similar talents or they would not have hired me. In my youth I followed a path that granted me opportunity to use my skills to save lives. Then – I allowed myself to be sidetracked. I gave up on a worthy ambition in hopes of an easy reward. Yet the path I thought would be easy brought only sorrow upon sorrow. And in the end, having forgotten that talents are given us to be used for the good of all, I lost everything I had hoped to gain and more.

“This is my restitution, Lani: my restitution and my penance. I would be happy to work wherever I could do some good, bring wonder and enlightenment to young men and women such as you and L.C.. But not one in ten thousand teachers have the prerequisite required to teach here: yet I do. Perhaps teaching from what I have learned of my powers, I can give something to you no one else could.”

Dalton turned his gaze to the pond, and raised his hand. He made a graceful swirling gesture, as if conducting the opening bars of some great symphony. The waters in the middle of the pond swirled about and rose in a column almost as tall as he.

“You would learn control?” Dalton murmured. “Know then what control looks like: that it takes time to master, yet can be well worth the effort.”

Both Daltons’ hands were now raised and conducting the ballet. The pillar grew outstretched arms and legs, spinning like a dancer on stage. With a more imperious gesture the form took on definition: angled elbows and knees, the curve of a calf, distinct muscle tone and finally a defined hairstyle and face: a face not that different from the girl who had just left.

Dalton was beginning to sweat. As his hands continued to wave the figure glided about like an ice skater, twisting and twirling to the unheard melody.

Dalton allowed a little of his attention to stray towards Lani, taking in the young man’s reaction.

“Care to join her? You can if you like.” A disc of water next to the dancer rose a few inches to form a gleaming mirror-smooth surface, then glided towards the edge of the pond closest to Lani.

“Or if not, try this sometime as an exercise in control: create a partner for her. Don’t worry if at first it seems sloppy: I assure you I did not attain such detail and precision overnight.”

He smiled and returned most of his focus to the water nymph, watching to see what Lani would do.

[Lani Hunter]

Lani couldn’t help fuming a little at L.C. What right did she have to judge him? What right do you? That annoying voice in his mind scolded. He frowned deeply and glared back at Dalton wishing very much to cause something to explode. He had always been intrigued by L.C. keeping in the background and never revealing his interest. She was the only person he knew of who hated this place as much as he did. Why did bad luck always seem to follow him more closely than his shadow? He hadn’t had a thing go right in his life since his sister’s illness. Everything good that he had went to her, no he wasn’t bitter, he loved his little sister more than the air he breathed and would do it all over again but he had screwed up his life more than he could repair without help. A sudden thought occurred to him, perhaps Dalton could be that help…? No. Lani mentally shook himself. He couldn’t trust this man, at least not yet.

Lani felt like he had been hit in the back of the head by a board when Dalton started speaking again. He narrowed his eyes a little, was it that easy to see through him? He severely hoped not. His secrets were too precious. He sighed and cocked his head at Dalton, what was this man a mind reader? He paused at the thought, not all too irrational a thought actually. “What’s it matter anyways?” He shot back just lashing out to the fact that his anger was very much quelled, “Actions are actions whether you regret them or not.” He looked at his hands, these hands were stained black with sin, if he believed in God he would have been worried. Dalton had no clue what he was talking about. No one cared if you regretted what you did, “If he were arrested right the second and charged with all of his crimes, no matter how he pleaded, or claimed change he would still be spending the rest of his life behind bars. But that had been when bars could hold him.

“What future?” Lani demanded, “L.C. is right! I’m stuck here until someone of unnamable origins deems me ‘ready’ to go out in the world!” Lani was raging. He could do nothing more than rant at this new teacher and hope that it made him feel a little better inside. He didn’t even know why he was still standing here, perhaps it was because Dalton was the only person who would listen and not brush him off as just another upset teenager. Dalton’s words hit too close to the mark. He had wished for a better future than the one he had now. But one couldn’t change who they were and Lani was a thief. But how could Dalton see the regret of that in him. He liked what he did, at least while he was doing it. If he really wanted to change he would have already.

“I can’t.” Lani said sadly trying desperately to hold up his argument against someone far wiser and much more intelligent. He was losing and he knew it but he wasn’t the type to lie down and take it. “Not all actions can be forgiven. People always say that but it’s a lie.” He crossed his arms challengingly. “It’s the same old story but no one ever forgives you. It’s always there even if they say they forgive you. People are cruel and they like to see others suffer under guilt.” He knew that feeling all too well. His mother played that card really well. She pushed him into this but she would never tell him it was alright, or forgive him. He didn’t hate her, how could he? Instead he had listened and she had comforted but she had never forgiven.

Dalton was speaking and Lani was listening. How peculiar. He felt slightly like he was being talked to through a dictionary. He didn’t want to admit that he didn’t really understand every word but then again, he was good at pretending. He pondered this for a moment. “So… you’re saying don’t seek revenge against people who wronged you?” Lani hazarded, “Because the choices were ours to begin with. The blame rests with us alone.” He hoped he at least was in the right direction. He had never really understood the war in Israel and Palestine. It seemed all senseless, it wasn’t even Israel’s fault in the first place but then again not many people in power could see beyond their own power to the people it affected. “But then, some things are forgiven only in revenge.” Lani pointed out, thinking about the whole eye for an eye philosophy.

Lani blinked, that hadn’t been what he meant… but then that was what it sounded like. “People remember us, that’s what we are. If people remember us as bad, then that must be true.” He tried to explain but he was in a losing battle. Lani watched him write in the dirt and cocked his head to the side not exactly sure he liked where this was going. Lani didn’t look up at the question, it seemed rhetorical. Struck through the second line leaving, YOU ARE GOOD etched there. “But you don’t know me at…” Lani started to protest but realized that that was exactly what Dalton was trying to point out. “Oh…” he uttered weakly. That wasn’t fair. The man had used his own words against him. This was the last time he was going to get into an argument with an English teacher.

Lani didn’t know if he liked this. He halfway liked being able to blame his problems of other people but Dalton was washing those away one after another like a wave. “What does it matter anyways?” Lani asked looking up at him, “In ten, twenty years no one here will even remember that Lani Hunter existed at all.” Lani wasn’t sure how he felt about this. He felt like his ego had just been crumpled up into a ball and tossed into the fire. Dalton didn’t stop the onslaught there. He pushed and Lani pushed back but weaker than before. He knew if he didn’t fight back though he would have to face losing and having all of his flaws rubbed in his nose. “I don’t know.” He finally answered. He didn’t know who he was, only what he was. He wasn’t even sure about that anymore.

Dalton was right but Lani didn’t want to admit it. Something about thinking of himself as a good person really didn’t sit well with him. He had been waiting his whole life for someone to say that to him but now he just didn’t believe it, he didn’t want to lose sight of what he had been thinking he was. It was like his world was flipped upside down in a good way but at the same time it was like learning to see when one was previously blind. “I hardly think that’s the same thing.” Lani said casting his eyes downward. Lani’s eyes shot upward again and he shook his head vigorously at the man suddenly growing angry. “What’s wrong with you!? You don’t know me! Why do you care?” He demanded sick of being lectured. He stood and lifted his arms in anger without ever realizing it the two unoccupied boulders rose. “You don’t get it! When I screw up people get hurt!” He slammed his fists down and the boulders embedded themselves in the earth. He blinked as the ground shook nearly knocking him off balance. Well no one would be moving these anytime soon.

It felt very tantrum-ish but Lani was willing to let it slide. “People get hurt. All the time. If I lose it just an inch people get hurt! I wish it would all go away.” He put hands over his head and pressed trying to relieve his throbbing headache. The headache quelled whatever anger he had left and he reached a shaky hand into his pocket and popped two pills in his mouth using what was left of his much abused mountain dew to get them down. Lani hesitated as Dalton kept talking. He sighed he was all out of anger now and that left him just tired. “I’m sorry,” Lani said finally swallowing what was left of his pride. He pulled his legs up onto the boulder and wrapped his arms around them feeling miserable. Lani nodded slowly wondering where he was going with this new topic of powers.

Lani hesitated, maybe him and this man weren’t so different after all. “I don’t think I can get… restiwhateveryoucalledit. When my powers first came about I was… trapped… I accidentally tossed some cars at the cops.” He admitted feeling ironically lighter now that he had someone to share his secret with. “I’m sorry, sir, I really am. Some people just seem to attract more bad luck than others.” He followed Dalton’s gaze to the pond. He couldn’t help gaping as the water rose and took form and shape. He nodded numbly at Dalton and blinked his eyes as if there was something making him see things. He blinked and looked over at Dalton in shock as he recognized, or at least thought he recognized the girl.

It was amazing, more beautiful than anything he had ever seen in his life. It entranced him, beckoned to him. He finally regained control over his jaw and closed it somewhat though it still rested agape at the sight of it. He hadn’t seen anyone who could control water. It was amazing. Lani’s foot slipped off the boulder and he made as if to stand and go to the water creature. Suddenly he realized what he was doing and blushed a furious red. “I-I can’t swim.” He protested. He found himself standing however. He looked at Dalton in confusion, “I don’t understand. My power doesn’t work like that. I can’t make things I can only move them.” He wondered slightly if he could. He edged forward but found his throat going dry. “I-I can’t. I…” He tossed an embarrassed glance at Dalton. “I’m afraid of water.”

[Jacob Dalton]

(I am so sorry for the delay. This post was particularly difficult to write: I am sure once you read it, you will understand. I hope you will agree that it was well worth the effort and the wait.)


<< He sighed and cocked his head at Dalton.

“What’s it matter anyways?” He shot back.

“Actions are actions whether you regret them or not.” >>

“Truly, Lani? Do you never forgive anyone anything? Then I must watch my back from here on out. After all, I have broken a promise to you. I said I would take you and L.C. downtown for lunch, and I did not.

“Can we redeem our actions past: our broken promises? What would you have thought of me had I shrugged my shoulders and said: ‘That’s the breaks, you two,’ and driven off to lunch on my own, leaving you stranded here and hungry? Did I redeem my past action – my broken promise – or no? If ‘actions are actions,’ are we now lifelong enemies? And if not, might forgiveness be extended for worse acts, if we show greater contrition?”

The lightness of Dalton’s tone made clear he was in no real fear of Lani’s vengeance for a missed meal, but that he was in earnest about his point.

<< “What future?” Lani demanded, “L.C. is right! I’m stuck here until someone of unnamable origins deems me ‘ready’ to go out in the world!” Lani was raging… >>

Dalton nodded. “So: you have been consigned to Hammel, and time has stopped. No future for you: the sun is fixed in the sky, the falcon is frozen in his flight, the timepieces of the world have ceased to tick.”

He pulled back his sleeve, revealing a very fine gold watch, and made a show of putting it to his ear.

“A moment: I do hear a tick! And another! Time yet moves! Each present moment becomes the past, and as we leave behind this current present we move into what we once called ‘the future.’

“It starts this second, Lani: and this one – and this one – and this one, too. Who determines when your future begins, Lani? You do. The moment you make a choice for the future, you start down a new path.

“Hammel is not a stop on the way to your future: for good or ill, it shall be the path that leads you there. And while there are elements of that path you cannot control, the most important one _only_ you can control: and that is how you choose to react to what Hammel offers.

<< “I can’t.” Lani said sadly…

“Not all actions can be forgiven. People always say that but it’s a lie.” He crossed his arms challengingly. “It’s the same old story but no one ever forgives you. It’s always there even if they say they forgive you. People are cruel and they like to see others suffer under guilt.” >>

Dalton sighed, and nodded. “Sometimes that is true, Lani. Some people have hardened their hearts, and cannot ever forgive. But often it is not so much that they don’t forgive as that they need to see you are willing to work to rebuild the breach in their trust. If you have wronged someone and remain unpenitent, they might forgive you a thousand times yet have no reassurance you would not hurt them yet again.”

<< “So… you’re saying don’t seek revenge against people who wronged you?” Lani hazarded, “Because the choices were ours to begin with. The blame rests with us alone.” He hoped he at least was in the right direction. >>

“Very close. Some of the choices are ours: to go along with them, how to react. But more: peace only comes when we regret the harms we have done to each other and resolve not to extend them. Two children in the back seat: one raises an arm carelessly, and elbows the other. The second strikes back in anger, and the fight is on. Had the second child given the first a moment to realize his error and say ‘I’m sorry,’ where would it have gone? When we take revenge, we make it far more difficult for the other person to regret their own act.”

<< “But then, some things are forgiven only in revenge.” Lani pointed out, thinking about the whole eye for an eye philosophy. >>

“ ‘Forgiven in revenge…’ ” Dalton rolled the words about in his mouth. “Isn’t that an inherent contradiction? In revenge we lash out, caring not if our retribution is greater than the offense deserves: often not caring even if innocents beside the offender suffer as well. And once revenge is complete, have we forgiven the crime? I would say not.”

“I believe you are thinking in terms of a just punishment, not revenge. The point of proper punishment is to exact justice, instill discipline, and restore the offender to our good graces. They accept the punishment as a consequence of their actions, and seek to move on without causing any further offense. Punishment involves an agreement to settle the matter:
revenge more often turns into an endless cycle.”

<< …Struck through the second line leaving, YOU ARE GOOD etched there. “But you don’t know me at…” Lani started to protest but realized that that was exactly what Dalton was trying to point out. “Oh…” he uttered weakly... >>

Dalton smiled. There was that beautiful light bulb over the head. Concepts were penetrating Lani’s brain, bit by bit.

<< “What does it matter anyways?” Lani asked looking up at him, “In ten, twenty years no one here will even remember that Lani Hunter existed at all.” >>

Dalton chuckled. “Twenty years? Such an eternity. If a young man such as yourself shall be faded from memory, I suppose an old coot like me shall be naught but dusty old bones stored among the tombs of the Pharaohs?”

He shook his head. “I may well have four to five more decades in me, lad: add another three or more for you. And what may come to be in those years, the memories we create: those are up to us. Will you choose to be forgotten? Or to leave a legacy?”

<< “Who are you, Lani? Only you can say.”

“I don’t know.” He finally answered. He didn’t know who he was, only what he was. He wasn’t even sure about that anymore. >>

Dalton’s quiet smile held a glowing warmth like the setting sun. “The first step in learning is admitting you do not know. Welcome to a wider world.”

<< “What’s wrong with you!? You don’t know me! Why do you care?”

“You don’t get it! When I screw up people get hurt!”

“People get hurt. All the time. If I lose it just an inch people get hurt! I wish it would all go away.” >>

Dalton nodded. “I suppose you think I don’t know what that’s like. After all, what does an English teacher know of life and death, besides how to spell them correctly?

“My power, Lani, is a form of hydrokinesis. Once out of training, I joined the fire department. I put my power to use saving lives. Once the water from the hoses hit the ground, I could move it to where it would do the most good: the base of the flames. We stopped fires faster, with less damage and less loss of life.

“But my power wasn’t some form of magic. It didn’t always set everything right. On one occasion…”

He hesitated. Why was he sharing something this personal with a student he had just met? Shouldn’t he be more guarded, more private? No, he decided. Lani needed to hear this.

“On one occasion, we responded to a large-scale burn in the garment district. Flammable chemicals from processing textiles had spilled, and were carrying the flames everywhere. My crew soused the buildings, but the scattered water couldn’t suppress the flames on the floor.

“I formed the fallen water into a wall at one end of the building and swept across the entire open area. Not one inch was missed. I suffocated the flames on the floor completely. I also drenched three workers huddled in a corner. And the main electrical junction box.”

Maybe this was what had made it easier, in the end, to leave the department. No fault had been legally charged against him, but that didn’t change the feelings in his heart.

“Had the floor not been completely soused by my sweep – had the workers remained dry – had the junction box been missed: had any of these things happened, those workers might well have survived the day. They didn’t. And all three of those issues, I caused.

“Had not many other lives been saved, or those three workers not been pauper indigents, I might well have been charged with negligent homicide. As it was, I was not. But I still carry their faces and their names burned into my memory, twenty years later.”

Dalton bowed his head. He had thought he was telling Lani this for the boy’s good. But no: there was more to this. He, Dalton, had needed to confess this story to this one particular young man, and he suddenly understood why.

“You stopped the ball, Lani. I did not.”

<< Lani hesitated as Dalton kept talking…

“I’m sorry,” Lani said finally swallowing what was left of his pride.

Lani hesitated, maybe him and this man weren’t so different after all. “I don’t think I can get… restiwhateveryoucalledit. When my powers first came about I was… trapped… I accidentally tossed some cars at the cops.”

“I’m sorry, sir, I really am. Some people just seem to attract more bad luck than others.” >>

Dalton realized how much he appreciated the young man’s sympathy. It was almost irrational, given they had known each other less than three hours, but there it was and it was so.

He winced at Lani’s confession, and sighed. “Situations of panic, especially for a young man suddenly endowed with incredible powers, can and often do lead to severe lapses in judgment. Had you been an adult, Lani, or already a graduate of Hammel and tossed a vehicle at an officer, ‘accidentally’ or otherwise, I think we both know that situation would have resulted in either your incarceration or death.”

Dalton’s voice remained sympathetic and gentle. “But based on your youth and the circumstances, you were given a reprieve. Hammel was the alternative: your second chance. I continue to hope you will find the positive in this.”

<< It was amazing, more beautiful than anything he had ever seen in his life. It entranced him, beckoned to him…

Lani’s foot slipped off the boulder and he made as if to stand and go to the water creature. Suddenly he realized what he was doing and blushed a furious red. “I-I can’t swim.” He protested. He found himself standing however… >>

Dalton smiled. “I do no suggest swimming. You shan’t even become wet. I control the surface tension of the water, Lani: enough so that the platform you see there will sustain your weight, should you step upon it. Ever ride a skateboard or surfboard? Shift your weight, your feet, and you will guide it across the surface as you wish.

<< He looked at Dalton in confusion, “I don’t understand. My power doesn’t work like that. I can’t make things I can only move them.” >>

Dalton beckoned at the figure, and it glided towards Lani now standing next to the pool. Lani could see through the smooth surfaces of the face to the back, where the watery ‘hair’ shattered the light into dozens of rainbows glistening through the figure. He could even see floating specs of leaves, twigs and moss caught up within the figure.

Dalton focused and the arms of the girl imitated his own gestures, reaching out to caress Lani’s arm, then grip his hand, inviting him to step out on the shimmering surface. The touch was cool, but not wet: the surface tension was somewhat like skin, but perhaps more like a balloon.

“I haven’t ‘made’ anything either, Lani. It is still water: I have merely moved various portions of it to form a distinct shape. Can you control two tennis balls at once? Three, four? Then perhaps you can shape water as well. But this may require a great deal of thought as to how to make it work.

<< He wondered slightly if he could. He edged forward but found his throat going dry. “I-I can’t. I…” He tossed an embarrassed glance at Dalton. “I’m afraid of water.” >>

Sweat trickled down Dalton’s brow, but Lani’s admission only made his desire to share this more intense. “So am I, Lani: so am I. But here I offer you a chance to confront that fear: to step out on faith, and experience a wonder few have ever known. Step out of the boat, Peter, and walk on the water…”

[Lani Hunter]

((It’s all good, it is a very good post and I thank you for putting forth that effort now I just have to see if I can keep up! haha ))

Lani shrugged not wanting to dig his hole any deeper. His eyes shot up at the man going dark and angry. He hated it when people did that. The whole, you said sometimes stupid and you know it deal. “It wasn’t your fault though.” Lani said in confusion. “It was mine, and L.C.’s we’re ‘dangerous’.” He rolled his eyes at that. He had never thought of himself as dangerous, but then if his anger was something linked to his power then he might as well be locked up. It scared him having this much power at his fingertips. Lani scuffed his foot, “If you had done that maybe.” He said thinking about how much he would have liked to damage something had the man just walked out on them. Lani shook his head not willing to accept what Dalton was saying, he didn’t know Lani and Lani didn’t know him.

Shaking his head Lani considered the man’s question. “It’s hardly the same thing. You take advantage of a kid, that kid gets in trouble or hurt, either way you’ve changed that kid’s future. You’ve changed everything about them. That is not something that can be forgiven.” Lani hadn’t meant to mean himself as an example but then who was to blame for what he was? If he really wanted to get back at someone it would have to be the doctors who changed them for his sister’s illness. But he couldn’t very well do that, the only outlet he had for his anger was against himself and allowing this to happen to him. He put a hand on his heart where he felt it beating softly. How many times had he wished to give it to Caroline, to give her his heart, his life so that she might live and he might be the sick one?

Lani felt like screaming like taking the man’s shoulders and shaking them. Being patronized was never something Lani took very well. Even if Dalton had not been meaning to Lani was so sick of being treated like a child. “That’s right. I’m stuck here. No college, no nothing!” He growled adding that last part hoping to annoy the English teacher with double negatives. Lani listened the whole while his fists clenched and his teeth grinding. But Dalton wasn’t moving in the direction Lani thought he would be. Lani wasn’t sure anymore if he should be angry or not. Dalton was wrong about one thing. Hammel was a prison, perhaps he was the only person who could see it but it was true. He no longer had a choice in his future. “Hammel is the end of my life.” Lani said with firm knowledge. “I’m dead to those people I used to know. Hammel controls my future now, I can’t get out.”

He let out a bitter laugh, “What offers? I wasn’t asked to be here!” He lashed out again wanting more than anything to hit something. “They took me from my parents, from my sister. They won’t let me go back to see her when she’s upset. Hammel keeps me from being there to hold her hand.” Caroline had called him more than once in deep distress and Lani hadn’t been able to come and comfort her. He hated knowing that she was going to the doctor’s without him. “Hammel only offers me one thing: What they want me to do. I don’t know about you Mr. Dalton, but I have never liked not having a hand in my life.” He couldn’t hope to get Dalton to understand, after all, he was technically one of them now. Trying to bend him to their will. Make him obedient, a puppet. Well, he would never be.

Lani narrowed his eyes measuring, “Maybe I’m one of those people.” He cocked his head to the side and watched Dalton. Analyzing his speech wondering where his intensions were really coming from. Perhaps that was what was bothering him. No matter how much he looked for a selfish reasoning behind this speech, a back of the mind reason Lani could find none. Dalton was just too genuine a person for Lani to accept. He kept waiting for the accusations, the yelling. None of it came. Dalton wasn’t like any of the adults he had ever met in his life. He didn’t seem to want to use Lani for anything, nor did he want to prove something to himself, nor was this something the man was doing as a selfish way to make himself think of himself as a good person.

Lani turned thoughtful at this new revelation and instead of bulking at this advice he sought to understand it. He told the anecdote of the children in the car and Lani smiled a little. He could remember that only being the other way around with Caroline beating him with her small fists when he messed with her hair. But the conclusion was all too close to home. “Or it makes them regret it more than necessary.” He added shifting a little remembering all those times he made a mistake and was punished for it. But he hadn’t even been the worst off. His employer wasn’t one to take ‘I’m sorry’ as an answer and felt that discipline was lost without revenge. If someone ruined your job or hindered your ability the only likely way they were going to learn was to do a similar thing to them.

The more Dalton spoke the more Lani listened and the more Lani felt like he had been living in the shadow of hate. He shrugged at Dalton’s question. It wasn’t something he could answer. Lani considered this fact, revenge that it wasn’t just. He blinked confused at Dalton and shook his head, “I don’t understand. Are they not one in the same? When a man is on death row, don’t the families of the people they hurt wish for his death in revenge?” He huffed and crossed his arms. He hated justice, he felt as though he couldn’t trust it. Lani gave a sheepish smile, he had never accepted his punishments as a consequence of his actions. Rather he had seen that as revenge as well. But then Lani didn’t learn well through punishment. It just made him angrier than whatever he had done before. “Didn’t your parents do the whole soap in the mouth thing? That sure felt a lot like revenge to me.”

He smiled with embarrassment catching Dalton’s smile. He felt almost like a board had been cracked over his head and out had spilled all that he used to know. It was like his feet had been taken out from under him and he was learning how to walk again. Lani ducked his head and laughed a little along with Dalton about the age. “You have no idea!” He added sarcastically, twenty years was a lifetime. Lani sighed and hung his head like he had just heard the worst news of his life, “Decades? I don’t wanna get old.” He said in a childish tone grinning to show he was joking. He regained his serious attitude when Dalton added the last part of his lecture. “I suppose we’ll see. But I’ll do something great, just wait and see.” Lani said looking up at the sky. He couldn’t say what that thing would be but he would leave his mark he could feel it.

Lani couldn’t bring himself to smile but the word offered from the English teacher’s lips warmed his heart in a way. He leaned back on the rock and uttered a soft laugh and grinned softly up at the sun. Despite the expected depression of not knowing who he was Lani was happy. This was his chance. To rewrite his story. He could decide. This secret accomplishment was Dalton’s making but Lani’s alone to know. This secret pride he could hold onto and nurse. A clean blank slate.

He turned away from Dalton ashamed now of his outburst as Dalton spoke again. The man had a point. Lani was being selfish again, thinking only of his own woes. He turned back listening intently and not uttering a word. He smiled softly, it seemed like Dalton certainly did well for himself with his power. Lani could only hope he would be able to do something good with his own power. Lani shifted watching the man’s expression with a trained eye. He wasn’t sure if the man was going to tell him for a moment but then there was the decisive glint of the eye and Dalton began his tale. It wasn’t like anything Lani had expected. That was more than he could have even imagined. Lani didn’t know if he hurt anyone, Dalton knew. He wasn’t sure what he would hate more. He was pretty sure he was glad not knowing.

Lani winced, “But it wasn’t you’re fault, you couldn’t have known. You were trying to save them, if you hadn’t done that then they would have died anyways and more people then.” He severely felt for the old man. It had been so long and he held onto that memory. Lani had regrets but nothing so much as the man. He had severely underestimated this man. I’m not the only one who has suffered, I’m not alone. Lani’s mind made up. He watched the man’s regret and the pain and felt his own mirrored. For the first time he felt like he could empathize with someone here. Someone who understood. Perhaps Lani could trust him with his secrets. Perhaps… Something told him that Dalton wasn’t just not like the teacher but he was something more. A mentor maybe, but Lani wasn’t about to be that hopeful.

Lani couldn’t answer when he concluded his story with ‘You stopped the ball Lani. I did not.’ He just sat there his eyes wide and his mouth hanging ajar. The meaning hit Lani like a wave. All at once and without mercy. If he kept feeling like he was drowning when he talked to this man he was going to have to stop. Was this about choices or was this about wisdom. Lani couldn’t be sure but somehow he felt like some of the old man’s wisdom had been passed to him. Could Lani have stopped it if he had been in Dalton’s shoes, that was a question that would remain unanswered but it nagged at his mind. Yes, Lani had stopped it, did that mean that he could have the wisdom to choose to do the right thing when the time came.

Lani nodded, he had thought about that more than once. He shook his head, “I don’t remember it all too well, mostly I just remember the pain.” He tapped his temple remembering the mind splitting pain that had come on so suddenly he was sure he was dying. “But I’m pretty sure they were in the shot now ask questions later mode.” Lani visibly shook at the idea of being arrested. He knew that should he be arrested right now he would have reacted the same way. Only with more control his madness would call all his knowledge of his power and things would end badly. Very badly. He looked back up at Dalton his frown deepening. “That’s the thing.” Lani hesitated, “They don’t know who I am, so I think, unless Hammel did something about it that I don’t know about, I think I’m still a wanted man.” For more than one reason… “I am glad though. For the second chance.”

Though Dalton might assure him that the water was safe Lani was still skeptical. He laughed, “I just told you I can’t swim, Mr. Dalton, why on earth would I surf?” Lani took a careful step toward it and stared at the water creature. He leaned to one side examining it with curiosity. He twitched backward startled as it reached out to him. It wasn’t wet but it was cool and smooth almost like ice. He looked back at Dalton unsure of himself. Lani shrugged, “I don’t know, they tell me not to try.” More specifically they warned him not to try to test him limits until he was with someone, just in case he passed out with a piano floating over his head or something. He would probably be passed out trying to do something like that very quickly. He glanced at Dalton startled. “But… Mr. Dalton… your power…” He blinked in confusion. He shrugged and his brow knotted with confusion. Peter? Was that another Biblical reference, he really ought to research that. At least he was familiar with his particular story.

Lani took a deep breath, “I’m trusting you.” He gingerly reached out his foot and touched the water gently. He put pressure on it finding with surprise that it held. His focus was completely off of the water woman still holding his hand as he marveled at the water under his boots. This was insane. He had ridden a skateboard once. Suddenly filled with a boyish glee he pushed off of the bank and leaned forward riding off on this thing that Dalton had created. He drifted away a little ways and looked down at his feet in wonder and yelped as a fish swam under his heels. He grinned up at Dalton. “This is so cool.” He mimed a bow and offered his hand to the water creature, playing along like he hasn’t done since he was a boy. “May I have this dance?”

[Jacob Dalton]

(Once more, my apologies: once again, it is my hope you will the post worth the wait...)

At this point Dalton knew he was challenging Lani in ways the young man might or might not be ready to grasp. He knew he risked offending his pupil, though he tried to skirt right on the edge. Lani was being open for the moment, and change does not happen unless the old is challenged. If no one had ever played with fire, we would never have learned to cook.

<< “Hammel is the end of my life.” Lani said with firm knowledge. “I’m dead to those people I used to know. Hammel controls my future now, I can’t get out.” >>

Dalton nodded. “Yes, Lani. Hammel is the end of your old life, but it is also the start of a new one. It is not death: it is change. Like a caterpillar who has woven its cocoon, you are caught in a momentary chrysalis. You are restricted, confined, trapped until change has formed within you. For now you must stay, but someday soon you will discover the way out. It will not be easy. You will have to fight to break free of everything that holds you, because you will have outgrown this place. It may well be the greatest struggle of your life. But in the end, when you emerge, you will discover that you have grown wings.”

<< “They took me from my parents, from my sister. They won’t let me go back to see her when she’s upset. Hammel keeps me from being there to hold her hand.” >>

The intensity of Lani’s emotion spoke volumes to Dalton.

“This is what matters to you most, isn’t it? You wanting to be there for her, and cannot. And you have the temerity to dream that you are not, at your core, a good person?

“Your love for your sister guides your desires and concerns. You place her before your own happiness. ‘Greater love hath no man…’ ”

Dalton shook his head and sighed. “You say that it is specifically Hammel’s policies that prevent you from seeing her, at all. Is that because of the disciplinary actions which kept us from going downtown today? Or do you mean more a matter of living with your family on a day-to-day basis?

“I’ll make you an offer, Lani. I will investigate the specifics of your situation, and see what would be required to authorize at least a visit by your family here, or possibly even a weekend pass for you to visit them. More than that could only come with time. However, I can assure you that one requirement will be your cooperation: no more attempted escapes or other acting out.

“However that may sound, this is not me seeking to ‘bend you to their will.’ If I am going to seek special conditions and privileges (yes, I know seeing your family should not _have_ to be ‘special’), I am only asking you not to make my part more difficult. I’ll do what I can: I only ask you do the same.”

<< “Hammel only offers me one thing: What they want me to do. I don’t know about you Mr. Dalton, but I have never liked not having a hand in my life.” >>

“What they want you to do, Lani, is to grow into a responsible adult. Unfortunately, because of special circumstances, that growth process can be dangerous both to you and those around you. What are they offering? A tennis ball. An opportunity to practice your powers in safety, without harming yourself or others.

“Please, consider some of what you have just told me. You said: ‘when you screw up, people get hurt.’ Lani: what if you weren’t here, were with your family, had no one training you, and you screwed up? Who might get hurt then? For the moment, this may be the best thing even for your sister. Thus, once you return, you may be confident that you are well enough in control to avoid accidentally causing her a harm no regret would ever resolve.

“As for ‘having a hand in your own life:’ what do you think school is? Learning is about expanding your understanding of and control over your own world. But you cannot learn until you admit you do not already know it all: until you submit to the wisdom and guidance of teachers and mentors. ‘To be first, you must become last:’ to gain control, you must first surrender it. This isn’t Hammel’s law: it is a constant of the universe.”

<< Lani narrowed his eyes measuring, “Maybe I’m one of those people.” >>

Still the challenge. Still the obstinate insistence.

“Perhaps you are. Perhaps you cannot forgive. Certainly it is clear there is at least one person you have been utterly unwilling to forgive: you yourself.

“What guilt hammers at you so hard that you can forgive me the deaths of three innocents, but not release yourself? You are quite a tenacious young man: if the accusations against you were all from outside you would fight them off. You would be saying: ‘Hey! I’m _not_ so bad!’ But instead, you agree.

“What crime is this that consumes you? Is it perhaps the one that truly separates you from your sister? Is it even a crime, or is it a mere accident of birth?

“Tell me, Lani: _have you forgiven yourself for becoming a Meta?_”

<< “…Or it makes them regret it more than necessary…” >>

Dalton’s eyes bored in on the boy. There was no mistaking that he was referring to a painful lesson from his own past.

“To be able to regret a wrong we have done, when the one we wronged has lashed out against us in turn… this only comes when we care more about having caused them pain than we care about the pains we suffer ourselves. This only comes from great wisdom, great compassion, and great love.

“Oh, Lani: you are so much further along than you know…”

<< He blinked confused at Dalton and shook his head, “I don’t understand. Are they [revenge & punishment] not one in the same? When a man is on death row, don’t the families of the people they hurt wish for his death in revenge?” >>

Deeper and deeper: Lani was asking many of what Dalton considered to be among the most essential questions of society.

“You give the perfect example, Lani, for why many people feel that the death penalty is an inappropriate sentence for any court to assign.

“The death penalty is the ultimate declaration by society that ‘we wash our hands of you:’ that we have given up all hope for the individual, and refuse to allow him any further opportunity either to harm others again or to redeem himself. It is not ‘punishment,’ in that the dead can learn nothing. It is not meant for the good of the punished, but serves only as either revenge or a deterrent: to say to others, ‘avoid these actions or the consequences could be lethal.’

“But when and why do we most generally assign the death penalty? To those who themselves have recklessly taken the life of others. Are we then teaching a lesson, or perpetuating a wrong? If we claim the right as a society to take life, is it not in some sense the ultimate hypocrisy to do so for the crime of taking life?

“There are many arguments on both sides: many which each bear great consideration. But I daresay you have raised one of the most potent against such a sentence.”

<< …there was the decisive glint of the eye and Dalton began his tale. It wasn’t like anything Lani had expected. That was more than he could have even imagined…

Lani winced, “But it wasn’t you’re fault, you couldn’t have known. You were trying to save them, if you hadn’t done that then they would have died anyways and more people then.” >>

Dalton nodded, but almost reluctantly. “That is the argument which, in the end, allows me to sleep at night. I am told we could not have known of their presence, and that any delay could have been disastrous. And I never made a deliberate choice to sacrifice their lives for the sake of others: it was truly an accident.

“And yet, Lani: knowing all that I know, there is still that niggling sense of guilt in the back of my mind that holds those faces and names in my memory, and accuses me. I must constantly remind myself it is false.

“A little guilt can be a good thing, Lani: it can make us more sensitive and aware of situations and actions we should avoid, and motivate us to do so. But when we are consumed by our guilt, it paralyzes us: keeps us from acting to correct the situation which brought it about. A little guilt teaches us to change our ways: a lot of guilt makes us bow not only to a proper punishment, but to continue to exact punishment on ourselves, over and over, without forgiveness or release.

“I remember those people, Lani, and I accept blame for their deaths. But I also forgive myself. I act to avoid such a circumstance in the future, but I do not lie awake nights wallowing in bitter self-recriminations. This is the trick, Lani: to allow our conscience its appropriate role in our lives.”


<< Lani couldn’t answer when he concluded his story with ‘You stopped the ball Lani. I did not.’ He just sat there his eyes wide and his mouth hanging ajar. The meaning hit Lani like a wave. All at once and without mercy… >>

Dalton saw that Lani understood. He nodded.

“At times we are far too proud of what we think we can do, powers or no powers. We think we can solve the problems of the world. We cannot. Archimedes once said: ‘give me a lever large enough and a place to stand, and I can move the world.’ But none of us have a firm place to stand. We metas simply possess a larger set of levers than most.”

<< He shook his head, “I don’t remember it all too well, mostly I just remember the pain… …but I’m pretty sure they were in the shoot now ask questions later mode.”

“That’s the thing.” Lani hesitated, “They don’t know who I am, so I think, unless Hammel did something about it that I don’t know about, I think I’m still a wanted man.” >>

Dalton’s expression at this remained grave. This confession was serious: one that he might be under a legal obligation to report. He was not certain. The admission did not represent a case where anyone was presently in danger, and the goal of such a report would be to land Lani precisely where he already was: at Hammel.

<< “I am glad though. For the second chance.” >>

A second chance… would Lani regard it as such of Dalton were to give a report of this to the front office, leading to interrogations, probably further suspension of privileges, and other actions which would keep the boy in confrontation? Only now was he starting to offer a glimmer of acceptance for his state: a ray of hope that he could change, mature as Hammel was here to assist him to do. Which would be the greater crime: silence, or to betray a confidence and break the first bond of trust Lani had established with a member of the staff?

“I am quite pleased you can finally recognize that second chance for what it is. Whatever I can do to assist you in taking best advantage of it, I shall.”

Dalton would have to wrestle some with his conscience, but also to explore what the legalities were here. It would be a thorny issue indeed…

<< Lani took a careful step toward it and stared at the water creature…
It wasn’t wet but it was cool and smooth almost like ice.

He glanced at Dalton startled. “But… Mr. Dalton… your power…” >>

Dalton nodded. “Consider this my tennis ball, Lani. I have practiced, and I know my limitations. I press them, that my own skill may continue to improve or at the very least not fade from disuse. If in this practice I can also give you a moment of wonder, what more could I hope for?”

<< Lani took a deep breath, “I’m trusting you…”

Suddenly filled with a boyish glee he pushed off of the bank and leaned forward riding off on this thing that Dalton had created… >>

Dalton focused hard, feeling the resistance from Lani’s feet, and letting that direct the movement of the platform. More than moving, more than shaping, sensing such resistance was the hardest part of using his power. It was a very different thing when he was the one on the platform, well aware of his own intent. But Lani’s body language also telegraphed what the boy wished to do, making it far easier for Dalton to interpret. He allowed the platform to tilt just a little, responding to Lani’s feet, and carry him out further on the water. Meanwhile the water sprite twirled and glided towards Lani, an arm extended.

<< He drifted away a little ways and looked down at his feet in wonder and yelped as a fish swam under his heels. He grinned up at Dalton. “This is so cool.” >>

Dalton could well remember his initial response of awe and delight as he had discovered this aspect of his powers. There was a time he had dreamed of doing this for his daughter Allison: a time long gone. Perhaps that was part of his reason for shaping the sprite as her.

Then he considered the young man Lani. If Allison were here, what might she have thought of the handsome, charming, intent young lad? Might they have gone dating, perhaps?

Was the sprite a mere bit of practice, or was she something more: a shade, a ghost summoned forth by him to echo the future that should have belonged to Allison? Perhaps. As forms of mourning go, it was certainly more creative than many. And if in his mourning he could bring joy, so be it.

<< He mimed a bow and offered his hand to the water creature, playing along like he hasn’t done since he was a boy. “May I have this dance?” >>

In a flash of insight, Dalton realized the change in the boy’s whole demeanor. Dalton might well be living in some dream world, but he had summoned up something precious for Lani as well. If he did not miss his guess…

The sprite mimicked a curtsy in response, then spun slowly about as she drifted towards Lani. But at the same time Dalton drew out a few quarts from the figure back into the pond, creating a smaller, more childlike figure. He rearranged the “hair” into a straighter, longer cut: a style some common to young girls he could not imagine any girl not having gone through at one point or another. He had no idea of what Lani’s sister might look like, but if this were close enough, it could provide a much-needed catharsis. At least, so he hoped.

The little girl ballerina took Lani’s hand and glided with him across the pool, raising his hand over her head and twirling beneath it. Then she turned to face him, one arm on his arm, reaching towards his shoulder, the other on his hip. She rocked back and forth to the music in Dalton’s head, as he waved and conducted the ballet for an imaginary orchestra.

A light breeze ruffled the lake and was gone, whispering off through the trees of the magic below.

[Lani Hunter]

(( Its is very good I have to step it up, don’t want you showing me up lol Also I have to mirror you and apologize for the lateness, I have been swamped! ))

Lani wasn’t sure how he liked be lectured as this but he was getting older and something about the way his attitude was going was getting on his nerves. He wanted his life in his control but all he could do was complain about it. This bothered him more than the old man knew. He was used to being in control and this was turning him into a bitter and resentful thief. Not a good combination. Despite Dalton’s advice Lani was very familiar with the ways of revenge and had already gotten back at the school in his own little ways. He was silent giving Dalton a chance to explain himself. He cocked his head in surprise when Dalton agreed with him. But then the thought of changing for the better wasn’t something he was completely understanding.

“So I’m supposed to sit here idle and wait for my life to begin?” He shook his head and his hands twitched a little. When he was upset he needed his hands to be working with something. He stuffed them in his pockets and frowned his power was even more useless. He trusted his hands far more than his power. “I liked who I was.” Lani said stubbornly, “I was on track, had a plan. I don’t like this idea of fate. But you’re right about one thing. I will not let this place kill me. I will fight every moment until I turn eighteen and can get the hell outta here.” He knew that might not be possible. If it was an option between here and jail he might stay, but then jail might be just as easy to break out of for a telekinetic. Would that not be the worst sentence of all? He leaves Hammel to be arrested then sentenced to live back at Hammel. He tossed the thought from his mind. He’d like to see them try.

Lani hesitated wondering if he had said too much personally about his sister. He nodded slowly then frowned at his end. “You don’t know what I’ve done.” He bit his tongue at that. He had noticed a lot of his peers used their dark secrets as leverage in an argument, but that certainly wasn’t going to help his situation at all. Lani sighed, giving up in that aspect. “Yeah,” he smiled slightly thinking of Caroline. “I would do anything for her.” And had already done so much. And he wouldn’t take back a single thing if that meant that if he did she would perish like they had feared. Lani was taken aback at the accusation. It showed clear as day on his face that that was the truth and he couldn’t deny it. “I have things back home that I can’t let go of.” He answered simply.

He shook his head and thought for a moment, “No, just to be there for her like I’m supposed to be. Not locked away from her.” Lani pulled his legs up onto the rock feeling like a child confronted with his conscious. He rested his head on his knees. “God, Dalton, I don’t know what to do.” He blurted, and after that a stream released, “I don’t know if I can protect her. It’ll come back and I won’t be there.” He looked up at Dalton, “How am I supposed to protect her from something I can’t even understand?” The glint in Lani’s eye begged for an answer, one that he wanted to hear not the truth. Some comfort that he knew couldn’t be. Then another thought broke through and the locial Lani started scolding the one speaking. Too much information, too much complaining. What does this man care anyways…

“What?” Lani’s eyes widened at the offer. He could have kissed the man, a chance to spend weekends with his family was the best. And he could be in business again with free weekend, a sly voice in the back of his mind brought up. He smiled and almost lost all hope when he was probably to be asked not to act out anymore. That might also mean going to class and training. He wrinkled his nose a little bit he could deal with that. He shook his head, “Not escapes, I always come back.” Lani let out the start of a soft swear before his closed his lips around it. Clever Dalton, Lani thought, way to get me to admit to my crimes. He wasn’t sure whether to be grateful or resentful to the man anymore. On one hand he held this wonderful oportunity and with the other he held a leash.

He scowled, Dalton had somehow (by Lani’s own loudmouth) found the chink in his armor. The one weakness he tried to hide, his sister was the most precious thing in the world to him and nothing was ever going to change that. Maybe overprotective was a better word. He had certainly played ‘big brother who can kick some butt’ more than once. He gritted his teeth and nodded and forced the next words out of his mouth. “I understand, it’s worth it.” His birthday wasn’t too far off anyways just a little over five months then he could skidoo out of here as fast as humanly, or rather, metahumanly possible. He scoffed at Dalton’s statement, “Maybe you do, but the rest of them just love telling you how dangerous you are.” He wasn’t convinced and made that clear by relaxing his body and looking off as a teenager would when they had heard the same lecture over and over again.

Now Dalton wasn’t playing fair. Using his own words against him. Lani’s eyes widened as he remembered precisely that happened. When they table went flying and his parents and sister almost got in the way. He was filled with anger when Dalton suggested it though, “I would never hurt her! Don’t you ever say that!” He snarled very close to throwing something. Lani’s eyes burned but he couldn’t stay angry very long. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t want Dalton to be right but there was nothing he could do to deny it. “I’m sick of being told I’m dangerous, what do you think that really accomplishes?” The meaning was there, not in words but in his tone and the cold eye he measured the old man with, ‘Don’t make me hate you.’

He took a deep breath and calmed down and resisted a sharp quip about the next words of wisdom. Perhaps L.C. had the right idea, to get out before things got this painful. Well, Lani considered, this was certainly going to give him a night on the roof. He was a fan of high places and nothing gave him more peace than perching on a rooftop reflecting on new thoughts. “Well, I’ve certainly given up on that thought,” Lani said throwing Dalton a look that was halfway between resent and thankfulness. He smiled a little giving the teacher a considering look, “You know, you really aren’t like most teachers here.”

Lani nodded, finally Dalton was admitting Lani was right about something. Lani nodded again, he was sinful and even if he regretted it he would keep doing as he pleased so what use was forgiveness. He considered for a moment telling Dalton about his other life but tossed it off the moment it pass through his consciousness. “What people think of me is different than what I think of myself.” He replied. He frowned a little more thoughtful than upset about the next lecture about guilt. Dalton was certainly good at reading him. Lani sighed, he had sold information as a messenger, not caring if that information would bring harm to the people he had told of. He had so many things on his list of stolen goods that he would have 40 life sentences if that information ever got into the hands of a court. Thieves, the unclean rats on which the rich mobsters thrive.

Dalton was digging to deep, “You’re crossing the line.” Lani’s narrow eyes glinted with fire and he almost dared Dalton to press the subject. Lani’s secrets were locked in a box and held tightly to his chest and he would take them with him to the grave. These weren’t secrets that would make him feel like he unloaded a burden, these were secrets that if discovered would ruin his life. Forever. Lani sighed, and leaned back as if to get as far away from the question as possible. ‘Have you forgiven yourself for becoming a meta?’ He shook his head. “No,” he admitted. He groaned, “I hate that you’re right.” Lani said without scorn. “I hate this power but there’s nothing I can do. Yet another think Lani doesn’t have control over.” He said a little sadness mixing with the sarcasm in his tone.

Dalton’s words were somehow reached down to Lani’s soul and Lani couldn’t hold his eyes. He felt as though Dalton was reading his lies and he wasn’t sure he liked it. Not even his father or mother had given him a lecture of this caliber. He was wondering how it was that Dalton could understand him and not brush off his worries, as minimal compaired to others. Lani was extremely grateful that Dalton’s lecture never leaned toward the direction that would lessen the significance of Lani’s problem. He ducked his head, “Or fear.” He didn’t love his employer very much, but his parents were another story. They could make him regret what he had done but then nothing they could have ever done could have stopped him. How many window alarms had he disabled in his short life? He cocked his head in confusion, ‘so much further along than you know’ what did that mean?

Finally something he could agree with the teacher. Apparently they held the same views on such a thing. There was nothing Lani could say in response for everything was something he had been trying to understand. He nodded in agreement every once and a while. “Yeah, I just don’t think its fair. How does that make us any different than the person we’re killing?” He couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to be on death row. Certainly there are some people who deserve it, the serial killers with no regard for life, but then there were innocents on death row. If only one or two but those were still innocents being killed. Lani’s skin practically crawled thinking about being caged. Things would end badly, if Lani didn’t break out he’d probably panic himself to death.

Lani’s brows creased with sympathy. It was true Lani had hurt a lot of people in the past and probably screwed several people over with the things he stole and the finances he hijacked but he had never killed anyone. That was the one sense of pride he had left. He had been offered close to half a million to take a life, he was the best with sly weapons but to actually take a life was beyond him. Even by accident he avoided using weapons. But then again, maybe his hands are stained from that dark night when the whole world started flying. Lani didn’t think he could forgive himself if he had taken the job. He didn’t want to let his conscience back into his brain he already tore himself apart enough on his own.

Dalton was unaware of the strength which with his words struck him. He had options, control, he didn’t have it all yet but the reality was this power wasn’t going away and it was only going to become more rogue and uncontrollable the longer he left it alone. He would work on it, but he would do it his way. He wondered for a moment if he had made a mistake in telling this to Dalton. He sincerely hoped this would not come back to bite him. It felt good to have gotten this off his shoulders though, a wonderful weight lifted off his shoulders. If Hammel did know anything about that incident they didn’t say anything. He had it in his mind that at least a few people knew, considering his recruiter loved telling him about his danger to society. Hammel might be a prison but then it’s a second chance as well. It’s a freer prison than the one that he would have been in had he not been a meta.

Glad to be off the hard topics and more messing around with the water, Lani’s mood greatly improved. He hated being lectured to and having to admit that he was wrong, Dalton had done both at the same time, he was lucky Lani was in a listening mood and not a myself against the world mood. Lani was a person who, partially because of his little sister, had learned to push the bad to the back of his mind for further reflection and live in the moment. This was certainly the most amazing thing he had ever done. He felt a slight creeping of jealousy. He so wished he dared to work on flight but the last time he had tried he spend an uncomfortable time in a cage and was on suicide watch. He didn’t want to kill himself, what use would that be? He hadn’t wreaked enough havoc yet.

He took a hesitant step back when the water creature changed and formed into a little girl. He smiled at her and felt his heart surge for her and he had to take a moment to remind himself that she was not real. When she took his hand he couldn’t help but laugh. He spun her holding onto an air of regalia as she spun around him. He took both her hands and twisted in a mock waltz with her which mostly meant he followed her in her crazy romping. She was dancing to some music that he could only imagine. His eyes saw the water but in his mind he saw Caroline. ‘Lani…’ The small voice said waking from his slumber at her bedside. It was her third surgery. So many for such a small one. He felt her gentle hand on his head as he raised it and held her cold hands trying to warm them.

‘Good morning, sleepy head,’ Lani answered with a forced smile.

She smiled in response, ‘I had a dream, we were dancing. I was older and so were you,’ she smiled, somehow she had known even then what the doctor’s hadn’t, that she was going to live. ‘I don’t know what for but everyone was so happy.’

Caroline laughed softly as he gently picked her up. ‘Hum us a tune, Caroline, and we’ll dance.’ He cradled her close to his chest never doing more than rocking back and forth while she clung to his neck and hummed a happy tune.

He smiled at the memory and twirled the little girl again. Oh how he missed her, in so many ways she was his rock not the other way around. When some insaneness reached him mind she was always able to bring him back to reality. His heart felt light and it was almost as though nothing could bring him down. He looked up at the sun a breathed in a the soft scent of flowers he had never bothered to smell before. Perhaps as a prison, Hammel wasn't too bad. Dalton's words were still banging on his skull but he wasn't about to let the brooding come back until he was ready. He waved his hand a little searching and pulling the water lilies from their home and making a light crown that rested on the water child's head. He was sure she almost giggled. A sudden though struck him and he moved back to shore, afraid that if he didn't ask now he was never going to. "Dalton, can I ask you to do one more thing for me?" Lani had very much a childlike look that was unsure about the answer to his question, "I... I was just wondering... Would you train me?" He hesitated, "I know its different but I... I'm not getting anywhere right now. I want to test my limits, not just play with tennis balls."