Afterthought (Lei.)

The short time that had passed since their last contact had been days of hell for Leiken. He'd given his heart and had it shattered and all his world had fallen apart in a matter of an instant. The fact that cam had broken their plans had not really helped matters, but it was not the biggest deal he had upon his shoulders that week.

At this point in time Lei was still recovering from his own injuries, he didn't really know whether or not he wanted to leave his own room, that is until cam began to text him. The promise of cheese goods and time with cam was not something Leiken would ever likely turn down. How could he? especially feeling as he was then.

To Cam:
Ah. Yeah, i'll be over soon, don't start without me. I need some of that cheese too.

Leiken would rise from his own bed and after a shower and wrapping some bandages around his chest and his hands he would redress in a simple black tshirt and a pair of jeans. He slid on his usual sneakers and grabbed combed his hair neat before grabbing hold of his usual scarf. Hurrying out of the door as quickly as his tender body could.

He was healing well at least, he could thank nik for that, but there was still alot of tenderness and embarrassment to be hidden. When he arrived at cam's room, he knocked lightly on the door, "Oi.I hope you didn't eat all the goods already. " he called through the door to him. Trying to distract himself from his own thoughts.

Lei made a small sound, laughing a little, "Thanks for being honest." Though it was true, lei was honestly thankful for that refreshing honesty, most would just butt patt him and tell him he looked fine given what he'd been through. It irritated him when they did that. "I'll keep that in mind, but it'll be your own fault I walk in at an awkward time." he with a slight awkward smirk.

Lei made a sound as his hand was taken, he moved with the other male into the room, looking around a bit as the door was shut as if he were making sure they were alone. He nearly broke down right then, but instead he choked back those emotions. Shaking his head a bit, "I don't even how to answer that question anymore, Cam." he admitted before rubbed his forehead with his other hand a bit.

Lei sniffed a little before looking away slightly, "I don't want to be a downer yammering on about how lame i am. " He admitted though part of him really wanted to just baw his pathetic eyes out to cam. "I-is that grilled cheese I smell?"

Lei couldn't help but to laugh a little, though it made him wince faintly as he did so, his ribs still aching. "Hey, you can't blame a guy for hoping to see something nice." he teased lightly.

He moved with cam as he was guided over to that bed. He sat down, though he started to recoil a little with the arm around his shoulders, however he relaxed when he felt no response from his own ability. Thankfully it still laid exhausted within his recovering body.

"Tch. " lei exhaled softly. His lip quivering a bit, "It's going to bother you the whole time unless I explain isn't it?" he stated though he looked toward the plate placed infront of him. Lei's expressioin held somewhat of a childish joy for a single moment as he gazed to that plate, "oh man. I haven't had a grilled cheese sandwhich in so long." he stated pulling the bandaging from his hands loose a bit. Tucking it into the wrapping bandages on his wrists so that they wouldn't get disgusting. The bruising on his hands discoloring his skin.

He picked up one half of the sandwhich before biting into it. Sighing with a bit of relief due to the pleasing taste that reminded him of more pleasant things. "Thank you." he stated as his other hand covered his mouth.

Lei laughed faintly, "Really? I didn't really think a pre-filmed sequence was your style." He teased the other man despite himself. Every few laughs causing him to take in alittle bit of a pained breath. Though he didn't seem to mind the physical pain as much.

Lei couldn't help but to laugh softly, though that laugh would draw into silence as he thought about those things that pained him so deeply, his features softening again as he loooked to the half eaten sandwich in his hands. "There was someone who was really special to me. Somewhere inside i knew we would never work out, but I hoped it would be different this time. " he began to explain sadly. "I'd been debating of whether or not to tell him how i felt, but I kissed him one day and he didn't reject me. So i thought maybe.. i'd been wrong, maybe that he could like me to. " Lei swallowed hard. Trying not to go to into detail about it given how much it stung and how much trouble it could cause for his trainer if it was blown out of proportion by accident.

"Stupidly i confessed to him how i felt. I even baked for him. he made me feel like he cared about me, but then he rejected me right to my face. he yelled at me for it. My heart broke and my ability attacked me." he murmured softly. " lifting his shirt to show the bandages wrapping there as well. "It almost killed me.. the doctor had to put a breathing thing in my mouth and everything. " he stated with a shake of his head. "So much for being badass huh?" he stated with an awkward grin. "I thought for once that I would be able to form a relationship that Wasn't based on physical attraction. That someone would love me. " he laughed a little then. "god i'm pathetic."

He declared in shame of how he was acting infront of cam. He quickly brought that sandwhich up to his mouth. Taking a firm bite into it as his eyes drew a little glassy. It almost made him look like a hamster due to how he was holding the sandwhich in his mouth to prevent himself from breaking down at the things he felt.

However, he swallowed that bit of sandwhich and nodded lightly, "cheeze its too?" he questioned with a hopeful tone. "I'm sorry i didn't test you sooner to find out why you didn't ever call me over. I just..figured you'd changed your mind.. i couldn't really blame you." he added with a shake of his head.

Leiken felt exposed, open for attack, in some sense he would have deserved it for falling for the man who was both married and his trainer. Lei took in a deep breath, exhaling as softly as he could manage though the breath shook almost violently, "T-tell that to my heart." Lei stated as he wiped his arm across his eyes slightly. Trying to make sure no moisture had fallen there.

Though lei lowered his arm at the sound of that mock accent, he couldn't help but to let out a choked laugh, one that told how close he'd been to just breaking down. Lei made a small sound, however, when cam stated that he had told Dec that he loved him. "oh jeeze, that's wonderful cam ! ugh. look at me, messing up a happy moment with my lame." he chuckled a bit. "Dec truly is the luckiest man alive now. " he added with a tinge of jelousy behind his strained voice. "I really am happy for you. If anyone deserves that kind of love it's you cam. You're wonderful." he stated with a shake of his head. Leiken felt a little touched. If cam was anything like him as he claimed to be admitting that he'd said that to anyone was a huge deal and for that reason alone Lei couldn't help but to give a smiile. Even if it was also one that hurt so very deeply.

"Just be yourself. I am sure the pain will slip my mind if you do that. You have a strange way of making me feel good." he admitted with a slight color on his cheeks. "and.. maybe a hug? " he held his wrists up a bit. "They're covered i swear." he laughed faintly despite himself.

Lei could not help but to laugh at cam apologizing to his heart. He sighed heavily, exhaling an axious sensation as much as he could, "You deserve it more than you think." To lei it was true, he had no reason in his mind that he could have ever dreamed of that would have deemed cam unworthy of love. "Don't be sorry for being happy. I just envy you is all." he noted.

Lei laughed slightly as the bag of junk food was placed before them. "I'm going to be so fat after tonight." Leiken couldn't help it. Cam just seemed to have that appeal that made worries melt away with just a smile. Lei winced, giving a noise similar to a wimper as he was pulled into that hug. It hadn't hurt as much as it made him feel good. He slid his arms around cam's body, burrying himself into the embrace as much as he could without upsetting his own bruising, "I'm glad you weren't worried about it. I gave my word and i meant it." he assured cam. "I can't think of anyone outside of Odion that i'd want the ass kicked of e-even if vinny broke my heart.. it.. it was my fault for thinking he could love me in the first place. i was just stupid. " he choked out as he hid against the other man's chest.

He was glad cam was there for him. It made him feel a strange sense of safety. It was almost alien to him.

Lei made a pained sound, his lips trembling with those words, "It's impossible to love me. I can't even be physical with someone without something bad happening. I mean look at what happened to Tak. Her baby could have died because of me. Who could possibly love a monster like me?" he stated confiding in cam that little act that had caused him so much fear. He didn't know how he would have lived with himself if something had happened to tak's child because she didn't tell him she was pregnant when they fooled around. Lei just couldn't ever see cam as someone who wasn't deserving of all the stars in the sky. Especially when he was as sweet as he was.

Lei laughed softly, at last, sniffing a bit before he spoke again. "Fat buddies it is then!" he declared with a shaken laugh. Lei hadn't even really realized what he'd let slip, not at first anyway, and when he had he was to afraid to bring it up. However, he trusted cam, he didn't feel he had to worry about the other man spreading rumors. At least he hoped not.

"U-use me?" he stated with a confused expression. "what do you mean? " he wasn't really sure what cam was getting at there. "Not so bad? That jerkoff stole my wallet." he stated plainly. Not going into detail about that whole incident. he'd already explained it a little before he was sure that there wasn't much more that needed to be said about it. "I know he's dec's brother and everything, but he's still a jerk. " he muttered though he wasn't all to blame given that lei was the one that had riled him up to begin with.