Into the lion's den [Sean]

Sean was aware of Levi Xu. It was impossible for the psychiatrist not to be aware of the boy, given his history before Hammel. Gabriel Underwood had interfered before he had arrived safely, and he had been smuggled in to Morgan through Jacob Lawrence, before the kidnapping and the events of that terrible day. There had been so much for the boy to adjust to. Other people gave the boy sidelong because of his behavior and some of his comments; rumors about some of his delusions abounded.

Since then, he had been humiliated publically due to the invasion of privacy prior to, and revealed during, his 2011 sexual education seminar. Family problems had resulted, as well as had more rumors. Levi had asked questions of him about his relationship.

Sean had wanted to have a session with him for a while; he thought it was in Levi’s best interest. But the boy hadn’t shown up to previous sessions, and since they didn’t involve discipline or potential harm to himself, the psychiatrist hadn’t called the security department to retrieve Levi from his hiding spot and bring him under escort to his office.

Rather, he had waited the boy out.

That proved a mildly effective strategy. Levi did actually arrive this time, although security had also been involved. It was a draw in that regard.

When the boy entered his office, Sean offered him a smile, intent to show that he meant him no harm. However, it was apparent even to a second-year psychology student that Levi was uncomfortable, more than that, terrified.

It would be a long session. They would have to work through whatever rumors he had heard, whatever Gabriel Underwood might have told him, and Levi’s other apprehensions.

Such was his job.

“Can I get you anything to make you more comfortable? I have cupcakes.”

“Should you change your mind, they’re plentiful,” Sean replied, and that was the last that he would say on the matter. While he was fond of Josh’s cupcakes, fond enough to bring them to work with him to share with others, he wouldn’t force them on anyone.

Besides, there were more pressing concerns with Levi, ones that couldn’t be solved with baked goods.

The fact that the young man was shielding heavily, for instance. The psychiatrist could probe, but that would erode any hope of establishing trust between them. Additionally, there was no reason for it. As Levi said, this wasn’t a matter of preventing harm, and it wasn’t a disciplinary session.

“I’d prefer if we didn’t use the word ‘crazy,’” Sean remarked. His tone remained gentle, but he was serious in making this request. It was a request he made of all students and staff when discussing psychiatric illness with him. He didn’t care for the term. “It’s unnecessarily pejorative.”

He paused briefly before discussing the matter at hand. He kept his gaze on the young man, as he continued, “That said, I don’t believe that you would harm anyone. However, I think that you would benefit from talking to me, and that this conversation is long overdue.”

Sean listened patiently while Levi pled his case for not requiring sessions with him, implicit in that was the argument that the meeting should come to an immediate end. While the psychiatrist had no intention of granting that request, he listened, allowing the boy to say his piece without interruption.

Only when Levi had finished did he speak. “I’m glad to hear that your grades are improving. I’m also sure that you don’t think you need a psychiatrist. But to repeat what I said a moment ago, I think you would benefit from having someone to talk to, and that’s why you’re in this office right now.”

He met Levi’s gaze steadily, and he clasped his hands before him on the desk. His voice as gentle as he continued, “There’s a lot for us to talk about. We could talk about Evan and how you’re coping with the separation. We could talk about Evan and whether you think he’d want some resources I found for him, based on the question you asked me at the seminar a few months back. We could talk about vampires.”

He was familiar with the impression that Levi had of Sam, which was why he carefully added that to the list. It provided a jumping point to discuss the boy’s perceptions and beliefs without making an outright accusation.

“Or we can discuss where you learned to shield that way.”

Sean didn’t consider any of the sincere questions asked prior to, or during, his annual sexual education seminar mortifying. Legitimate questions needed to be asked, and the psychiatrist’s job was to answer them in a thorough and non-judgmental way. He didn’t want the students to learn from the Internet, which was full of faulty information, or from mainstream pornography, which had little basis in reality.

However, he wouldn’t give unsolicited sex advice during this discussion. That hadn’t been his purpose in bringing Levi to his office.

Levi did take some of the bait for discussion, although it was about his relationship rather than the heavier topics that Sean wanted to tackle. Evan was a fair first segue into heavier discussion while establishing a rapport and simultaneously giving Levi an outlet if he chose to use it.

“Have you discussed his plans for college next year? You say he’s probably going to go, but did he say that outright?” There was a difference between a concrete plan and an assumption based on expectations.

“And how are your other friends? Sam has a job this semester, so that must cut into hanging out a bit.” For which several members of the faculty were grateful. Sam wasn’t as bad as Vincent, but having him off campus was a reprieve nonetheless.

Sean’s expression was sympathetic. “Being separated is difficult,” he said. He might be in his mid-fifties, but he remembered quite clearly what it was like to be young and in love. He remembered what it was like to be younger and in a relationship, faced with the knowledge that they would be separated by hundreds of miles due to college. He and Maggie had gone their separate ways as a result of that. “But having the resolve to stay together will make it easier. Technology is on your side too, with the Internet and cell phones.”

The psychiatrist then nodded his head. “Withdrawal has never been pleasant, and it never will be. But if he can beat this, he’ll be better off.” Addiction was problematic for a reason, for several reasons. “But if he takes it out on you, you have the right to tell him to knock it off.”

Branching out from his former peer circle was for the best, given his immediate peer circle. “Who have you been hanging out with recently?”

Of course, the conversation turned towards his past, which was a complicated topic. He was typically willing to answer questions about his past, within reason, and Levi was equally privy if he wished. However, he had to ask a clarification question. “Do you mean in college? Or when I was at Hammel?”

“It’s difficult,” Sean repeated. He wouldn’t patronize Levi by telling him that separation would test their relationship and make them stronger in that way that adversity bred character. He considered that to be idle chatter, ultimately worthless as it provided no insight and provided little to no comfort to those on the receiving end of such comments. “You should make the most of the rest of the year,” he suggested.

The psychiatrist then nodded his comprehension. He had heard about the game of Truth or Dare, which was, in retrospect, precisely what could have been predicted given the students and location involved. The letter had been taken down, but it had been seen. And after Brendan’s relationship with Vincent last year, the faculty was a bit warier. “I heard about that game. From what I heard, it got a bit wild.”

Levi cut to the heart of the matter far more quickly than many of the other students who asked similar questions had in the past. For that, the psychiatrist would return the favor with an equally direct response. “They were.” Sean spread his hands in front of him, coupled that with a rueful upturn of the corner of his mouth. “Although I wish it wasn’t so, teenagers have been similar for as long as we’ve had adolescence.”

He then folded his hands on his desk again. “People can be a bit quick to judge others for their powers.”

The psychiatrist knew that Levi was aware of that.

Sean didn’t want to focus on that particular dare with the love letter, primarily because the faculty had done what it could to minimize news of Brendan and Vincent, for what good that had done. But as a result, it wasn’t a topic for discussion, and he couldn’t get into specifics of why he considered that to be out of hand. “I’m sure it was meant in good fun,” he said, and then he changed the subject to adjusting at Hammel as an outsider.

The psychiatrist shrugged mildly at the question. “I read a lot: the entire works of Vonnegut, most of Asimov, Bradbury and Heinlein. Dickens, Willa Cather, Sinclair Lewis, T.H. White...the list goes on.” Reading had been a way of passing the time, when he wasn’t in class or spending time with Robert, or going to church or in bed with a paralyzing migraine. “I also watched M*A*S*H, once it premiered.”

That had taken a couple of years, since the original movie had been released the first summer after he attended Hammel. But then new episodes of the show had become a custom, something to which he could look forward every week.

Sean sympathized with Levi in his descriptions of how the other students treated him because of his perception. That was something that he wanted to work with the boy on, either finding a root cause or helping him to discern between his impressions and reality. But that wasn’t a matter for mockery and it certainly wasn’t a matter for bullying. “You are normal,” he said first, because he wanted to make that point.

He disliked the word ‘crazy’ for several reasons, but he also disliked the juxtaposition of ‘normal’ and ‘weird’ as a means of judging others.

“And nobody should do that to you. There’s nothing funny about it, and you shouldn’t be humiliated for it.”