Harder to Breathe(Sean)

Zander stepped into the office hesitantly at first. He remembered his first time in this room, he had been sad, angry and extremely scared. Dr.Neville had seen right through it all and helped Zander understand it was okay to talk to someone about issues. It was a shame that Zander never really kept that lesson with him as he went onward to college.

The room hadn't changed much, sure a few things were moved around and reorganized, but the feel of the room was still the same. Which was why after his first hesitation he had no problem sitting in his old chair.

"Hi Dr.Neville , I'm sorry to disturb you." Zander's hands twisted together in his lap in a nervous gesture. He couldn't look at him in the face, his eyes roaming around the room with a hope of being distracted.

How do you tell your oldest role model that he was a failure? That all of Dr. Neville's work on Zander was for nothing? It was so hard and Zander couldn't even think about where he should begin. It wasn't as if he just gave up after Hammel, he really tried to keep going with what he learned from everyone at Hammel. But it got harder and harder the farther away from Hammel. He was so scared to even just say 'Help me.'

"It's funny how just being in your office makes me feel like a kid again. "He chuckled softly, but it sounded forced. He kept silent for a little while and then just started to speak.

"I've been having a problem with my power. It seems like lately I don't even know who's thoughts are mine. It would be an understatement to say that it is making me feel, crabby. And it's...it's a bit scary."

Zander shook his head as he shifted once again in his seat , looking down at his nails and picking at them with intensity . "No thanks Dr. Neville, when my head hurts I find it hard to eat." It didn't help that he has a little hung over form the night before. "And besides I'm not very hungry."

He gave him a small but sad smile as he thought back over how long his power fluctuation had been going on. It hadn't been long considering how long it took him to control it the first time he learned about his powers. But it was getting to a point where the side effects were worst then when he first started.

"It started to go badly when I moved to New York, after master's degree. I thought I could handle it, it was supposed to be my way of going back home. But there was too much to sort, too much to control. I was never really good at blocking the thoughts, of course you know that. My range is good, great even, but I suppose that comes with a price huh?" He chuckled a bit darkly while he thought back to it.

"I had to leave obviously, it was overwhelming. I started to go a bit crazy from all the noise. But even now it's not getting better, and I'm worried about that. The other day the migranes got so bad I couldn't even teach properly."

Zander looked up at his most trusted role model. Dr. Neville was everything Zander could ever dream of becoming, yet had no hope in achieving. "I'm scared Doctor."

Zander sat for a moment just listening to Dr. Neville. He never thought about going to someone else for a problem. Even when he was a kid, he didn't go to anyone. He hated to admit to anyone but he felt uncomfortable around people. It was amusing to admit that him as a communications teacher could not even talk to people about his issues. It was normal for most people, not to want to explore their weaknesses with a stranger .

Had he met anyone recently? It was almost a silly question for him to ask himself. He was a teacher, of course he met students with a variety of different powers. It was possible that a student was creating this fluctuation in his power, but Zander doubted it. He didn't spend enough time with any one of his students for them to cause this.Yet even as he thought this his mind went to the image of Lei.

"There's a kid, not one of my students, but a student here at the school who met me , in a rather poor mood. I like him, I like him a lot. There's this air of arrogance around him, but still you can see the fear that he tries to hide. I connected with him quickly, it's like staring at a teenage me, without looking in a mirror." Zander rubbed his hands on his pants legs before continuing.

"He is angry at the world, fearful and full of emotions that he won't let anyone see. He is in a situation that only he can get himself out of. And I have become very invested in making sure that he will not become like I have become." Zander said seriously. It was one of the few things he was very serious on. He didn't wish anyone to be him, not even his worst enemy.

"But he hasn't a power that could directly effect mine."

Zander frowned slightly as his whole body stiffened. He could not, nor would not tell Lei's story. It was not his to tell. He understood that it was something him as a teacher should report, but it was also that he as an emotional person could understand. He knew that in his shoes he would want to destroy the person who pulled the thing, or the memory that kept him happy. The frown on his face lightened into a small smile "I can't tell you Dr. Neville"

He thought back about what could of happened around this time of year to cause him distress. There was nothing much that he did now a days. He supposed most people went homes to families to have celebrations and good tidings, but Zander couldn't go home. Not that he would, he hadn't spoken more then 10 words to his father in years. Sometimes he wondered if his father even remembered that he was alive, but he guessed that it would be better for the both of them if the radio silence they started endured.

"There's not much for me to be stressed about. I miss home, but I know I can't go back there, least of all during the holidays when it's the busiest. I don't have a relationship to keep me occupied. I find it works out better for me alone. The only thing that has ever happened around this time of year was my mother's death. But that was years ago and it's never effected me before."

Zander thought about his emotions this time of year. Winter always seemed to the saddest part of the year for him. He never understood why, but he supposed it had to do with all the depressing thoughts he heard. Everyone seemed to be down around winter time.

"I could just be lonely I suppose" He said a bit sadly while popping his fingers in his lap.

Zander thought about that question. 'For how long have you been isolating yourself?' He wondered about how long Dr. Neville wanted him to go back. He supposed he was forced into isolation when his mother died, and his father ignored him. But he took the logical route and decided that he wanted to know when Zander himself took in the life a hermit. Not as extreme as that, but he was aloud to exaggerated once in a blue moon. So he had to think; When did he start to lose himself?

It wasn't at Hammel, that was one thing for sure. Even with all the rage and angst that every teenage boy has, he never separated himself from those around him. He wasn't a loner, and in fact had many many friends. He wasn't the cheese ball charmer that he was now, but he was attractive and good with his words, which made him a target for friends. His powers were an added bonus to this, everyone thought it was cool to have a telepathic person at parties. You could cheat people out of any game and win lots of money. So he concluded in his short ranting thoughts that it was not Hammel that created his isolated life.

It was most likely when he started to try and date people seriously, the summer before college. Zander had a few dates in Hammel but that was different. He knew those would never last, because he chose people it wouldn't last with. But it was when he left Hammel that he started to realize how terrible dull the world is when you have no one to share it with. So he started to date people. He wasn't picky on gender, Zander couldn't care as long as they gave you love. He mostly dated older people, not illegal old, but 2 or 3 years older. He liked the way that older people's thoughts just seemed more intelligent, but that could of been who he was dating also. He gave all he had into every relationship he had , but was given nothing in return. It's hard to be in a relationship when you are telepathic and Zander knew this, but he tried. Alas it was always the same excuse when it came to the break up point.

'It's not you, it's your power.'

What no one seemed to understand was that his power was him.

So Zander did the math quickly, 25 years minus 18 years. 7 years he had been a bachelor, and a hermit one at that. He was actually quite amazed at how long he had been able to keep it up.

""Since I was 18, the summer after I graduated "