Darkness Is A Harsh Word, Don't You Think [Sean]

It was a bit of a secret since Sean didn’t advertise this to others, but he didn’t like Thanksgiving. One might even say that he hated Thanksgiving, although it was a bit of an exaggeration; he reserved hatred for events less trivial than a holiday. But he disliked the holiday for more reasons than his objections as a liberal and a self-identified hippie, more than the depression which tended to take root during the holiday, more than the fact that he didn’t have children and until this year tended to be hit or miss with having a partner. He disliked Thanksgiving because he had pointed memories of eight years ago, and a fight with his sister. Just like he disliked the Fourth of July for reasons more than his discomfort with nationalism.

However, because of the spike in the suicide rates during the holidays, Sean made a point of hosting a Thanksgiving supper for anyone who didn’t have other people with whom to share the day. This year had been better than last year, in that Josh was living at the house voluntarily and wasn’t taking painkillers during his recovery. There were also more people to invite this year, Cobalt Weaver among them.

It wasn’t as though Sean had expected the short attorney to accept the invitation; Cobalt was unabashed in his dislike of the telepath, and they had reached an understanding of sorts in the spring. Additionally, he had a surrogate family to spend the holiday with, at least in theory, and moreover, the other man was misanthropic and didn’t like parties or gatherings. He also had been going through personal problems recently, to which Sean was privy even if he wasn’t given details. All of those were excellent reasons to abstain from supper on Thursday.

Josh’s inability to understand introversion was a reason for irritation. Sean’s affection for his partner notwithstanding, he knew it could be frustrating to deal with someone as extroverted as Josh, someone who had a tendency not to listen because he projected his interests onto other people. Sean forgave him because he loved him; and he didn’t explode at him, because it was hard to make the telepath explode, and the once this summer was enough for a lifetime.

But Sean had heard the entire exchange between the two men the other day, and some of the language was a little over the top. He had an idea where that came from; not only had Ben and Cobalt broken up (something he was confronted with when volunteering with Ben, although the other man hadn't asked his opinion on the matter), but he knew of Cobalt’s emotional pain. He was...assaulted by it, frequently, if he let his mental shields drop in the shorter man’s presence.

Nobody should have to live like that.

While Sean tried to respect boundaries, this was beginning to interfere with his own life, not merely Cobalt’s. Josh had been hurt by the exchange and had required reassurance. There were ripples in their social circle now, and Cobalt was in pain and not getting better. He didn’t dislike Cobalt, and he certainly wished no ill on him; further this was becoming unsustainable, and his instincts warred.

Thanksgiving was spent at home with friends. Friday was spent with Josh’s parents. Saturday morning had been a day of leftovers, and the afternoon had been spent in thought. Sunset was early because it was late November in Vermont, and finally Sean had grabbed his car keys, assured Josh that the leftovers were all easily microwaved, and that he had a few errands to run. Then he’d driven to Cobalt’s house.

The telepath had no speech prepared, because this wasn’t a time for speeches. Instead, he rang the doorbell and waited, and the greeting he received was about as warm as he’d expected. Sean gestured over his shoulder. “We need to talk, so we’re going for a drive.”

This was about what Sean had expected when he had driven out to Cobalt’s home in the first place. The younger man’s expression, body language, voice, and language choices all made plain that he was upset with his presence, and that he wasn’t interested in accompanying the telepath on this excursion. Sean was aware of this, but that wasn’t enough to stop him. Not when he was here on an errand.

Failure wasn’t an option. While he could be as stubborn as his partner in limited circumstances – he tended to choose his battles – his position in arguments was different. He didn’t believe for a moment that he would make Cobalt see the light of his point and would make him a willing convert to his position.

Sean’s plan was to wear the other man down.

He kept his arms carefully at his sides, demonstrating that he had no intention of bodily removing the attorney from his home and into his vehicle. He showed no irritation because he felt none. Instead, he addressed the veiled question at hand. “We need to talk,” he repeated, and then added, “and the offer to drive is for your privacy since I don’t think you want me in your living room. If you’d rather I shout your personal business to the neighborhood, that’s your prerogative.”

Sean met the scrutiny impassively, his expression remaining non-threatening but guarded regardless. He had a path to follow, and he could not deviate from the path for the other man’s sake. “You’re within your rights to call him out when he’s insensitive, and I don’t lose sight of that simply because he’s my partner.”

Because the telepath did understand how Josh’s behavior could come across, and he was aware of the other man’s blind spots. He certainly didn’t expect everyone to be as patient and forgiving with Josh as he was.

“But that’s not while I’m here.” Yes, his interaction with Josh had provided a catalyst, but he wasn’t here to play the role of the lover with righteous rage on behalf of his partner. He wasn’t here for Josh’s benefit; he was here for Cobalt’s. As unpleasant and difficult as the younger man was making that task.

“If you shut the door in my face, I will sit out here all night. I will call up to your window, and if you grow unresponsive, I will raise my voice even louder.”

It was only fair to let the other man know where the line was drawn in the sand.

“Your pain is intense, Cobalt,” the telepath added. “And it doesn’t have to be.”

The telepath didn’t advance on Cobalt when he stepped back into his apartment. Sean merely remained standing as he was, unwilling to enter without an invitation, and unwilling to take on a threatening pose, because he wasn’t here to harm the other man. Harm was never his agenda. He wanted to help.

Sean was unabashed in that desire to help. “I’m here for you,” he replied, meeting the other man’s eyes steadily. “I’m here to help you.”

To help, never to fix, because one helped people and one fixed broken objects and problematic situations.

“I’m here to help you,” he repeated steadily. “And so I’d be willing to stand outside all night and have this conversation because it’s the end goal I’m concerned with. And I assure you that I’m an exceedingly patient man.” He could wait all night.

Sean didn’t raise his voice when Cobalt snapped at him; the resistance was expected. This wouldn’t be an interaction with Cobalt Weaver if the other man had simply agreed to come with him for a drive and a heartfelt discussion. His voice remained even, his expression impassive, but he shook his head, denying that claim. “We’re interconnected, regardless of whether you want that to be the case. As such, it is my business, and it’s really no use putting on the cloak of not caring with me. I know better.”

“I’m willing to have this conversation now, if you want,” the telepath replied, because that was true. He was prepared to have it from outside calling up to Cobalt’s window, although that wasn’t ideal. As such, he was prepared to have the conversation standing on the other man’s doorstep, staring down into his face.

It was uncomfortable, of course, but he didn’t expect this to be pleasant. However...

“That said, I don’t think you’d be comfortable having this conversation as we are right now. If we’re in the car, then we’re both sitting down, and I think you’ll need that.”

Certainly, every instinct the telepath had, combined with prior knowledge, told him that Cobalt would prefer to be seated for this. For his own part, Sean would prefer the isolation of a long drive.

“I mean exactly what it sounds like. We’re interconnected. Like it or not, our social circles have combined to become closer and interrelated. As a result, things that affect you affect me, either directly or indirectly.” The telepath gave the other man a knowing look. “You, in particular, are affecting me because you’re in pain. It’s blindingly obvious to anyone who knows how to look, and it’s bleeding over into other areas of life. And your feelings about me notwithstanding, I don’t wish any harm on you. Quite the opposite, in fact.”

The telepath didn’t interject while Cobalt denied his desire to have this discussion. Of course he didn’t want to have it, and of course he didn’t want to have it with Sean of all people. They weren’t close, but unfortunately, the telepath was the person best equipped to have this discussion with the shorter man. Sean already knew far more about Cobalt than the other man knew, and he also was aware that there was little he could do to go down further in Cobalt’s esteem, and he was patient and understanding enough not to react in kind to any defensive abuse.

In that way, he was ideal for this task.

“I know you are,” he replied, which was the entire point he was making. Cobalt was doing his best, and he was falling, and he shouldn’t do this alone. Sean wouldn’t allow him to do this alone.

When understanding appeared to dawn on the other man, Sean nodded a single time. “I don’t think you understand the caliber of telepathy that I possess, which is fair since you’d have no reason to know.” While Sean did nothing to hide his telepathy, he also didn’t brag about his scope or his range or his position as strongest psychic at Hammel.

What Cobalt exhibited was a typical reaction to discovering detailed information about Sean’s telepathy. As a boy, it would have embarrassed him; as a fifty-four-year-old adult, he no longer felt that embarrassment. He merely nodded again while the other man came to understand precisely what the telepath had meant to impart.

His telepathy was what it was. It granted him the insight that it would, and his concern and involvement were the obvious conclusions. At least he and Cobalt seemed to have reached an accord of sorts, in that the attorney understood why this was inevitable.

At the question, the telepath lifted his hands and spread them in a gesture of openness. He met the other man’s eyes steadily as he explained, “I plan on talking about life, and I plan on talking about you. About how you interact with people, about relationships, about everything that makes you tick.”

They were in agreement, because Sean thought that the other man had a right to know what they would discuss. However, he didn’t view it as a “whether” Cobalt came for a ride, but instead as a “when” he did so.

“It isn’t as bad as it sounds,” he reassured the other man. Then he added, “As I said, I already know, so if you view it in that context, it isn’t that bad at all.”