I Miss You (Dec.)

[Cameron Osiris]

He couldn’t take this pretending any more – it was just too much. How could he have gone from such a high to such an extreme low within a matter of months? It was starting to become better again, but with summer looming ahead, Cameron was starting to feel more and more depressed, and meeting new people and talking to his trainer wasn’t helping as much as he had hoped it would.

He knew it was the middle of the night, he knew this was crazy, and he knew the chances of Declyn letting him stay around were slim to none. But that was the thing about Cameron – he had to try. Slipping into the dreamwalker’s room (he was so thankful the door was unlocked), Cameron tiptoed to Dec’s room, knowing the way by heart despite the complete darkness. There were just some things you couldn’t forget.

Like the dates they had gone on, and the pictures Declyn had taken of him, of the two of them. The many times they had spent the day simply together, in bed or otherwise. Cameron hadn’t been able to sleep, and went through his phone looking at pictures. Most of them were of Declyn. That’s when he couldn’t take the absence any more.

“Dec?” Cam asked, and because he didn’t want to completely startle the older boy, Cam used his power to seemingly make the lights glow softly. “Dec, it’s Cam. Are you awake?”

[Declyn O'Callahan]

Summer was supposed to be when you were out living your life to the fullest. School was coming to an end, which meant college would soon follow for the older boy. Where, that was still up for grabs. Dec wasn't so sure he wanted to stay in Vermont or even America. He was still debating on leaving for Ireland as soon as he graduated. The only thing that was making him hesitate now was his brother. After spending a night with Odion, talking things out, he was slowly being pulled back to stay in Vermont.

But what was it that was making him debate things if he was okay with his brother? Was it the home sickness? No, he was still okay with being away from home. The problem with Vermont, Pilot Ridge in particular, was his ex floating about the school flirting it up with everyone...besides him. It was the fact that he couldn't get the boy's face out of his mind and that he couldn't stop loving him. It probably didn't help that sitting in the bottom of his night stand were all of the old pictures that had been taken to 'wallpaper' his room as they'd said.

Sleeping in his room, green plaid boxers hanging low on his hips, his arms thrown over his face, Dec's mind was restless. He wasn't prancing around everyone else's dreams because for the past few months he'd been dreamless. There was nothing in his mind except darkness. He breathed deeply, his face stoic and expressionless.

And then he heard a voice, one that was so familiar, but that he'd been trying to forget about. Yet, he hadn't been able to. Cameron's voice, the tone of it caressed his name and he squeezed his eyes shut. Was this a dream? Some cruel fantasy his mind had made up? When it happened again, his eyes fluttered at the brightness coming from his room and he opened them irritably, still convinced he was dreaming. But that was when he caught sight of him, and his whole body froze. "Cam.."

[Cameron Osiris]

Cam couldn’t help but smile at the way Declyn said his name. He lifted his hand in a small wave, “Hi.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, god he could kill himself sometimes. There were large, dark circles under his light eyes, his t-shirt was wrapped around his torso haphazardly, his hair a mess. Obviously he hadn’t been doing much sleeping.

Opening his eyes and glancing at Dec, Cam had to just as quickly look away, focus on something else in the room. Like the barren walls. Cam’s heart clenched and his fists balled. It was better than looking at Declyn half naked, remembering what he couldn’t have.

“I miss you,” he croaked out finally. “Everything’s been hell without you, I’m not even exaggerating.” Flings weren’t the same anymore, nothing was the same anymore. Nobody wanted him. He felt as empty as the bottles he finished at the end of the night.

[Declyn O'Callahan]

His eyes stayed on the younger boy while his hand reached for the zippo lighter sitting beside him on the night stand. This happened before, too many times for it to be real. When he flicked open the lighter, it would create a constant flame with no flickering. Averting his eyes slowly down to the lighter, he flipped the top and the flame caught. He stared at it for a moment, it stayed constant and just as he was about to sigh in relief and close it, the flame flickered. All relief vanished and his eyes stayed away from Cameron. Now that he was real, Declyn wasn't sure what he was supposed to do.

He started by pulling the sheets up over his half-naked body. That probably would make things less awkward huh? After all, Cam was fully clothed. Then again, it was Cam that had come into his room unexpectedly. Either way, covering up at least gave him something to do. He glanced up at the boy just as he was looking away towards the walls that had once been covered in pictures of them together. Little did he know that Dec had only just recently taken them down and he still pulled them out every night to look at how happy he'd been before. Why had things gone so horribly wrong?

Dec twirled his lighter around in his hands as he sat there in the silence. His eyes snapped up when Cameron spoke three words he'd never expected. "You have no idea," He said quietly. At least Cameron's ability wasn't getting affected by the sudden change in personality like Dec's. It was like he had just manifested with the way he'd been hallucinating.

[Cameron Osiris]

Cameron heard the familiar sound of Declyn using the Zippo to make sense of his dreams and reality. Cam put his hands out in surrender, "This is really me Dec, I swear." Was it so unbelievable that he would be here right now? The only reason he hadn't come sooner was because he was sure Declyn would deck him and seeing as Cam was much smaller, well... Being punched in the face by one of the twins was enough for the school year.

"No, I really do," Cam insisted. "One second I'm on the top of the world, the next I'm falling, and I haven't stopped falling." He sighed, and started to pace. "I just wanted to see you again, see if maybe..." he hesitated. "Maybe you'd give me another chance." Like hell Declyn would, but Cam didn't see any other alternative. He'd tried every other alternative. "I was wrong Dec... I was screwed over."

Cameron's ability wasn't affected because he didn't wallow in the wrongs he had done, and had instead, tried to move on. But it wasn't working.

[Declyn O'Callahan]

Declyn clutched the zippo and took a steadying breath. It was strange thinking back a few months ago when Cameron told Dec of the reason they were breaking up. He'd wanted to hit him hard then, but couldn't bring himself to do it. That desire had faded the longer he went without seeing Cam. It sparked again on Valentine's day, but he kept from making any impulsive moves. It wasn't like it would make him feel any better. If anything it'd cause him to go to the infirmary for a bandaged hand. Not worth it.

"Oh is that what it's like? I had no idea. I thought it was a lovely warm feeling that was full of happiness," He snapped. Cam thought it was hard and he'd been the one to end it. How did he think Declyn felt? "You have no idea what I've felt like for the past few months, Cameron. No idea. You dumped me remember? For someone else, so don't act like you had the short end of the stick!" The usual quiet-natured boy was fed up with keeping what he wanted to say to himself. Cameron didn't have any right telling him he missed him when it was his fault they broke up.

Dec pulled his knees up to his chest, his eyes cast downward as he gripped the sheets. Yes, he'd spent months wallowing, but he had gone out, he tried meeting new people. It just hadn't ended in success. No one was interested in him like he wanted.

[Cameron Osiris]

Cameron smirked. “Yeah okay, you’re full of teenage angst, aren’t we all? I just figured you didn’t want to hear ‘sorry’ for the hundredth time.” Because there was nothing he could do about the past, he couldn’t change what he had done, and he couldn’t help Declyn with the pain he had caused. But he wanted to, if only Declyn would let him.

And then an uncharacteristically dark look overtook Cameron’s features, and the lights suddenly went out. “Yeah, I remember... I remember every day.” Just because he was going around pretending like everything was okay, didn’t mean he was. He did and probably always would feel like an asshole. And maybe everyone was right, maybe he was and now he had to suffer.

“Sorry for bothering you,” he said at last, taking a deep breath, color rising to his face. Now that the lights were out, he wasn’t afraid to let his eyes well up. But if Declyn didn’t want anything to do with him, then that was that. Cameron fumbled behind himself, finally finding the doorknob. Declyn probably had enough on his plate to deal with, but at least Cameron could leave knowing he’d tried.

[Declyn O'Callahan]

Declyn narrowed his eyes and nodded with an unamused smirk. “You’re right, I didn’t want to hear sorry, but I also didn’t want to hear this. You act like it’s some big joke,” He said with a shake of his head. It’d probably benefit Dec if he knew what people were thinking because he tended to be oblivious to this sort of thing. He couldn’t see how hard this was on Cameron because he was seeing what everyone else did. A happy, carefree Cameron.

When the lights went out, he glanced around and looked through the darkness to see Cameron. He looked so much older than he had back when they were dating. Matured, and yet he was going around doing the same thing he had before he met Declyn. How was Dec supposed to know things were different? The redhead stayed quiet and leaned his head back against the headboard.

Just as he was about to say something, he heard the doorknob jiggle as if someone was trying to enter, but then he realized what Cameron was doing. He was going to leave. Just like that? Declyn shook his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Cam, stop. You can’t just leave again,” He said softly, his voice cracking near the end. Dec placed his head in his hands and frowned, “Stay…please.”

[Cameron Osiris]

His hand hesitated on the doorknob. Cam’s heart gave a quiver, and it felt like it was being jumpstarted. “Okay,” he said, his voice tired and defeated. Honestly, he would still do anything for Ducky. He passed his fingertips under his eyes and approached cautiously into the room again.

Sitting on the very edge of the bed, Cam kept a good distance between them. Unable to muster the strength to turn the lights back on, he just stared at the wall, feeling as blank as it had become. “This was never a joke to me Dec,” he said. His hand moved, as though presenting the wall before them. “That’s how I feel. I had someone important in my life and now there’s nothing.” He groaned, his head in his hands. “All because I’m an idiot.” He was self-loathing, but he didn’t want Dec’s sympathy.

He raised his head. “I don’t know why you want me to stay,” he stated, glancing over at the redhead. Declyn was mad at him still, but why did he want him here still?

[Declyn O'Callahan]

In all honesty, Declyn had no idea why he told Cameron to stay. He really should have just let the blonde go. It was killing him having the younger boy so close and not being able to pull him closer and kiss him or hug him or anything. Dec just wanted his boyfriend back like how it used to be, but it was doubtful that things would ever be the same.

He pulled his legs up closer to his chest as Cam sat down and he had to actively look away from the other boy. The blonde's eyes were on the wall that no longer held the memorabilia that once was there. His hand itched towards the drawer that held all of the pictures. As Cameron spoke, Dec frowned and he nodded slightly. Oh yes, he knew that feeling. And he couldn't disagree that Cam had been a total idiot. Unable to resist any longer, he opened the drawer and pulled out the large stack of pictures and set it in between them.

Declyn looked down at the top picture of them, the day that Cameron had seemed like a dream, but turned out as reality. That seemed to happen a lot more than he liked to admit. "You remember that day?"

[Cameron Osiris]

Shit, Declyn had to know how gorgeous he was, didn’t he? The way he curled up into himself, it just wasn’t him. He was quirky and wonderful, not this strange little hermit boy. It was destroying Cameron to know he had played a part in who Dec was right now. He ached to change that, to remind Declyn of how attractive he was, but he wasn’t allowed to.

With only the moonlight streaming in, it was hard to see what Dec was doing. When he came back with a handful of pictures, Cameron felt breathless. He hadn’t gotten rid of them? Cam looked over at Declyn, a newfound sadness and happiness mixed in his gut. How could he have been so stupid...

“Yeah, I remember this,” he said, hiding his thoughts as he picked up the picture. “You let it slip that you pretty much thought I was the best thing ever before realizing it wasn’t a dream.” He laughed in spite of the situation, setting the picture next to the pile.

The next one was of him. Cam moved the pile to the side – most of them were of him. And they hadn’t just been put away, they had been riffled through and looked at over and over again. They were covered in fingerprints. He closed his eyes again. He wasn’t going to fall apart. This was the epitome of bittersweet. He wasn't the best thing ever.

[Declyn O'Callahan]

Ha, gorgeous? No. Declyn would describe himself more as rugged and homeless-looking. Odion had said it before, he dressed ridiculously, always in flannels and jeans. Then again, it was sort of his thing. He didn’t like being all dressed up for no reason. Half of the clothes his brother wore were probably extremely uncomfortable. At least he could be comfortable in whatever he wore. That didn’t matter though, he saw himself as the opposite of gorgeous, especially times like these.

Hearing Cameron’s description of the day that was portrayed through this picture made him crack half a smile. He’d been so out of his mind that day. All because of a hottie with blonde hair and capturing eyes. The same eyes that rested on the pile of pictures and held sadness that Declyn hadn’t noticed before. How had he missed it? Cam was just as hurt as he was.

While Cam flipped through the pictures, Dec’s eyes stayed on him. He saw the slight surprise and the pain that kept growing after each picture he passed. It was heartbreaking seeing Cameron get so hurt just by looking at the pictures. He could only imagine what he looked like when he’d gone rifling through them once every month they were away. “Cam?” He whispered softly as the boy closed his eyes.

[Cameron Osiris]

It wasn't the clothes which had attracted Cam to Dec. Somewhere between the accent, the strong arms, and his thoughtful nature, Cameron had quickly fallen for Dec. It had been amazing - now he was just falling. Besides, Cam was fairly sure he had seen more of Dec than his brother had, so, clothes didn't really matter at that point did they?

Cameron's life had been based on falsehood as he prided himself on getting to know people, only to watch them walk away, or disappear completely. He lied to himself and unintentionally lied to others, and while some said he wore a tattered heart on his sleeve, he wondered if he ever really given his heart at all. People were supposed to hurt after breakups, and he never really had. They had all just been for fun, people got over him quickly because there wasn't much to get over to begin with.

He mourned what could have been. All the things they could've done and become, how Dec may not have been so broken hearted if it wasn't for him. But maybe that's why Cam hurt now. It had been both fun, and serious. Self-revealing and wonderful. But he had turned his back on Dec for a taste of forbidden fruit. It wasn't always beneficial to love more than one person at the same time.

Opening his eyes again, Cameron swore he almost forgot where he was. "Yeah Ducky?" He couldn't help himself, he couldn't help but care about Declyn.

[Declyn O'Callahan]

Okay, so the accent was hot and Dec did workout a bit, but aside from that, he didn't think he had anything to offer. Not like Cameron did. Cam was adorable and sexy all at once and knew how to make someone smile without even having to try. He was so full of life and brightness that people flocked to him like a moth to flame. It was his personality that Declyn had fallen so in love with. And he hadn't fallen out of love in the amount of time they'd been apart.

That was the hard part.

Dec knew about Cameron's reputation before they dated and he knew about the likeliness of a serious relationship with Cameron was slim to none. He hadn't even wanted a real serious relationship yet. Or at least, he thought he didn't. This was the first guy he'd dated and he hadn't expected much from it. Little did he know that it'd turn out to be his first love and the first time he had sex. And then it got ruined just like that.

What Dec didn't understand was why it had to end after he fell in love? Why couldn't it have been before when it was just casual dating? At least then he'd have had an easier time getting over it. He wouldn't have cared so much and he and Cam could have even been friends after that. Things got far too awkward for them to be friends after this break up. They both were different and Declyn couldn't handle Cameron seeing him this way. He couldn't even handle seeing Cameron acting as if nothing happened. It would have all been better if they broke up before all of the feelings came.

Watching Cameron, he frowned. With those feelings came an overwhelming need to protect the young blonde. Whenever he was upset, Dec felt the need to comfort him. It was instinctual calling him back from his own little world and when Cam opened his eyes and used the nickname he'd started calling him, Dec about lost it. He bit down hard on his tongue to keep from letting water come to his eyes. He sighed softly, "I really missed you..."

[Cameron Osiris]

Cameron really was like a burning flame. Moths easily came and easily went, they burned quickly and painlessly. This case was extremely different, and Cam knew why. He had been in the process of getting his heart back from Chester, and right in the middle, had been caught. Life was unfair, but this was just torture.

Honestly, Cam had gone into the relationship with Declyn half halfheartedly. He wanted to forget about Chester, but he also wanted to be serious with someone. In other words, he never would've predicted what would become of this decision. He hadn't meant to ruin Declyn so completely, and had only broken up with him because he thought he wasn't good enough for Declyn, or really anyone else for that matter.

Cam scooted a little closer, gliding across the bed to reach his love lost. "You too..." He felt his heart shatter it was beating so quickly, but instead he just looked up at the ceiling. He laughed. it was late, he was tired, on the verge of insanity. He couldn't think straight any more. "I even tried talking to my trainer about everything stupid I've done. It didn't really help." Hopefully Dec wouldn't see the tears in his eyes.