Are We The Waiting (Adaryn)

[Alyssa Ramius]

There was little to do but to keep trying. Willpower, discipline and effort – all thing that the blonde girl by the lake had, at least this was what she told her reflection. And yet, why was she still here? Alyssa’s vacant stare melted into the calm of the pond, the carefree flitter of the koi fish enjoying a minimally cloudy day. The sound here, the rush of small man-made waterfalls into the pond was one of the most calming spots on the campus. Now if only there was a covered pagoda where she could just sit and find her own calm, because calm she was not.

The blonde stepped away from the koi pond and kneels to sit seiza-style in the grass. Trying, she had made many promises to try to a handful of people – all meaning enough to her to continue. A close of her eyes and she allows the world falls away from her: sight dims into darkness even with her eyes shut, hearing fades upon a dial turn, and finally, sunshine and wind upon her skin fades. Very few she had ever met would know the feeling of being in a vacuum, but the world was just as calm to the girl as the koi pond.

She lifts her head to stare where she had been. Her mind formed images when lacking stimuli, creating a monochrome world filled with colorful lights rising from the ground and into the sky, becoming the stars themselves. But the pond…what was it about the pond that caught her attention? It glimmered like liquid lapis lazuli, the allure drew her close. So beautiful!

Hold it.

Shadowed shapes inside the pond of the altered world resembled the koi pond in reality. They all froze upon seeing her moment, facing her in unison. And then they rose from the pond, one by one. Alyssa’s felt her heart jump, the visions crackled with static as she realized these were not fish but disembodied hands, pale as ivory reaching out to grab her, to pull her-

Alyssa felt a jolt as she opens her eyes, scrambling back from the pond itself. She had awakened, returned to the world where peaceful koi only existed in the pond and the world returned normal. Again, the visions were becoming stranger with every day, making it much harder to concentrate on her abilities.

“Again…” She whispered, dropping her gaze to her lap, biting her lip in frustration.

Again.
Where was the control?
Why can’t she grasp her ability?
She had the discipline, Valentia’s brand of discipline even, the will, the years at Hammel and yet she still could not...there was a reason she was still here.

Her shoulders shook a little, trying hard not to burst into tears.

[Adaryn Breslin]

It was all so overwhelming.

With a massive headache to call her own, Adaryn found herself wandering the grounds of Hammel entirely alone. She didn't need the extra attention that having a friend gave, at the moment. The dorms were filled with hormonal teenage girls, and she found it difficult to concentrate on the task at hand. Drawing.

With her resting on her hip, she walked with her head down, her footsteps quick and quiet. She needed a scenic view, something that would inspire her. And wasn't filled with any human life.

She ultimately decided on the Pond, which at the time, seemed like a good idea. That is, until she saw a single girl sitting alone, a light red glow emanating from her body. Frustration. It was easy for her to recognize that shade. It wasn't crimson, but it wasn't pink. It was almost as if it was just a translucent scarlet. Adaryn bit her lip, realizing that she couldn't just turn around. That would be rude if the girl saw her. With a sigh, she took a spot as far away from the frustrated girl as she could, and began to sketch the scene before her.

[Alyssa Ramius]

The frustrated blonde hid her face in her hands for a moment, anything to force herself to keep it together. Only a sob or two would escape her, but nothing more, especially not tears. What would Valentia think if she happened upon this? Or goodness, even having AJ see her this way? She wiped her eyes with the back of her sleeve.

Calm down. Breathe.

The words of her mentor echoed in her head, remembering a day like this long ago, where her frustration nearly overwhelmed her. And just like that, the ghost of those words had washed over her and carried away all that had gnawed at her. Her eyes dropped to her lap – maybe she should go see her? Ah wait, she may be training with a student at this time. Valentia had gotten quite a few new ones under her wing. She wished the new faces well in silence; hopefully they could prove their worth as she had. It made the girl want to pout a little, but Alyssa could stand to wait until her mentor was free.

In the silence returning to her, the girl heard it faintly, just as her hearing returned to normal.

Skrit, skrit, skrit.

Recognizable enough before it was lost to caresses of the incoming autumn breezes. Writing? Drawing? All she knew that it was behind her. A copper-eyed gaze is tossed over her shoulder, easily finding the source of the sound. A girl with chestnut hair, seated far from her with her eyes to a sketchpad for the moment. Alyssa immediately turned to stare ahead, hopefully before the pretty artist could look up again.

The heavy feeling, like cement filling her chest, was swelling.

Ahnonono...

Oh god, did the girl see her nearly bawling like a child? That was the last thing she wanted today. Wait, maybe she didn't notice? Oh, Alyssa really hoped so…but, wait, was she in the way somehow?! The calm scene of the koi pond before her was lovely enough to stir artistic inspiration, so her presence must be a hindrance, right? Alyssa's hand pressed her mouth, trying hard to find focus. How could she find a way to escape the situation without appearing so rude or worse, weird?

And yet a part of her really wanted to see what the girl was drawing. She always admired those that had a wonderful talent.

[Adaryn Breslin]

Even from this distance away, Adaryn could still see the waves of soft red run in front of her vision, obscuring her view of the pond. Drawing was going to be useless at this point, since the waves would make it nearly impossible to get a clear image. It wasn't easy to shut off the 'seeing' aspect of her power, not as easy as it was to shut off the 'feeling' part. Adaryn looked up toward the source of the frustration, and sighed softly. It was a young blonde, crying her eyes out.

Adaryn wasn't one for conversation, usually. Nor did she enjoy subjecting herself to frustration at any moment, but it was really bothering her. Addie was a kind soul, using her power for the good of others. But what would she say should she actually decide to walk towards her. Was asking if she was okay a decent thing to start off with? She didn't know, because usually that gave her mixed reactions. Some people would grow even angrier and lash out, while others just deny it. And to that, she usually just walked away.

Instead of continuing on the drawing like she had wanted to, she sat there for a moment, head in her hands. She was trying to will away her ability, hoping to get rid of the red for only so long. Because Adaryn would not approach her. She was tired enough, and honestly, she didn't know if she could handle someone snapping at her again.

[Alyssa Ramius]

Skrit,skrit,skri-

The sound of contact between material and paper stopped, leaving nothing but the silence wafting behind her. Alyssa clenched and unclenched her hands, feeling the tiny ridges of her jeans along her nails. The need to cry passed like a flash rainstorm, here and gone to leave rays of sunlight breaking through the clouds. Had the girl behind her walked away? She clenched her eyes a moment, annoyed with herself that she could not simply have started a conversation … what a waste of an experience!

Another quick flick of a gaze over her shoulder. This time Alyssa witnessed the girl with her head in her hands. Her heart jumped a little in her chest, some low-lying maternal instinct rising and pushing the worry to the forefront. The girl wasn't gone at all. She knew that kind of body language. Was she in pain?

Maybe in her effort to will away her ability, the girl would not have heard the approach. Alyssa’s steps are always soft, years of quickly and quietly slipping away from rooms, from people gave her an edge in that respect. She had managed to startle a few people during her time in Hammel merely by approaching, at least in time for a half-lidded gaze and a sneer: who are you?

She was a specter in that way whether she liked it or not. It was simply the truth.

“Are…you okay, miss?” She kept her voice soft and polite, just to gauge the situation. Alyssa could not push the worry and preoccupation away until she knew for sure, but she could hope this girl would not lash out at her.

[Adaryn Breslin]

Adaryn didn't have to hear the footsteps to know that someone was approaching. Her ability allowed her to see and feel the emotions around her. When she cuts off one of her senses, for example, her sight, the other kicks in much stronger. Much like a blind man will have much better hearing to make up for his lack of vision. It was the same concept here.

The only difference was the fact that it was no longer frustration, but it was simply annoyance and...uncertainty. Adaryn didn't even attempt to look up though, knowing that the girl had already seen her in this state. She knew that the girl could just walk away, which in all honesty, she was hoping for. But that didn't happen. She heard a soft voice beside her ask if she was alright. She could answer truthfully, which was no, or she could lie. But being that the person had not yet been rude, she chose to lie.

"I'm fine," Adaryn mumbled, removing her face from her hands so she could look up at the girl. She was blonde, her hair falling in soft curves around her face. And her eyes were a chocolate brown, filled with worry and nervousness. She'd make an excellent model... Adaryn thought. "Why do you ask?"

[Alyssa Ramius]

Alyssa seemed to manage her emotions well – any trace of her earlier frustration had been locked well away. Momentary discomfort manifests for a moment: lights, small ones that formed a ring around the girl’s head then disappeared in a blink. How…was she meant to explain that without sounding absolutely crazy or coming off as nosy, the blonde had to actually sit in the grass and give it a little thought. Oh, but the fact she was present already seemed rude, didn’t it?

“Um…well…” She started, fidgets, looking down at her finger s lacing and unlacing together. Why couldn't she just NOT be nervous? This would be far easier to handle!

“Your head hurts. I-I mean, you looked like your head was hurting, I know the gestures well.” She mimicked her earlier gesture unconsciously before stiffening up again. No, don’t make it seem like you’re poking fun, what if she was physically hurt? The blonde had a lot of poise, sit straight, no slouching ever. Alyssa fell silent, bright brown eyes observing the girl now that she was closer.

That face...vaguely familiar, but one she did not personally know. She had seen so many faces and actually had the good memory to recognize many that comes across her line of sight everyday, however many of those faces lacked names. This one had the nicest hair and eyes, she recalled on many occasions.

Staring,staring,stopitstopitnow.

A quick shake of her head.

“I-um wasn’t sure if you needed a nurse.” Her eyes dip to her sketching, but she could lift that static feel in her chest to ask. Alyssa wanted to wince, why did she have to stare?!

[Adaryn Breslin]

The celadon green was coming off of the girl in waves, and Adaryn immediately identified that as nervousness. It wasn't difficult to identify even without her empathy. She was stuttering, and her hands shook nervously, which were obvious signs of the emotion. The girl wasn't the only one who could read body language. It sort of came with the Empathy package.

"No," Adaryn spoke softly, her blue-green gaze falling to stare at her shoes. It was making her uncomfortable the way she was being stared at, as if she was being sized up. It was almost as if the girl recognized her, but in all honesty, Addie has never seen her before. That was probably because of the fact that she typically stayed away from people though.

"A nurse isn't needed, thank you." She mumbled. That sounded /so/ rude. Addie bit her lip, not meaning for it to come out so harsh. The girl was just trying to be nice. "I-I mean. Thank you for offering, um, but I'm fine." She quickly corrected herself. Adaryn could feel her own self growing nervous, and that was not a good thing. Either get out of here and risk looking like a jerk, or help her try and calm down. But that would involve talking... Honestly, Addie was at a standstill, but ultimately, she decided to be nice.

"Are /you/ okay?" Addie asked, knowing full well she wasn't.

[Alyssa Ramius]

A sigh of relief, completely missing any semblance of harshness on her companion’s part, at least she wasn't hurt! Alyssa had never been one to be good in an emergency; otherwise her mental state would be more all over the place than it was now.

"Are /you/ okay?"

A question sparked Alyssa’s attention; was she okay? Her gaze takes a quick dip to her lap. Well, given the girl probably saw her crying, so it would give her no benefit to speak nothing but the truth.

“I…could be better honestly, miss.”

Her words would pause, for new reason to stare surfaced. It was hard not to notice the small orb circling the girl’s head in a stable loop. The orb was the same color as her eyes, retaining visible phases depending on its location on the orbit. Alyssa’s head tilts curiously at the sight before a blink sweeps away the image. The after-effects of her ability were steadily becoming stranger with each passing day and her sudden pausing may not have helped her image to her companion either.

“My ability has been erratic as of late…to the point I cannot graduate this year. So, trying to keep it under control only to realize that it will take longer to grasp than most…”

The blonde bows her head to look at her hands. Alyssa could see her golden, glimmering pulses beneath her skin. Seeing things others could not: she knew well it was all in her mind and her mind was a tangled mess to start.

“It’s all so frustrating sometimes.” Softly spoken, for it was the truth.

How nice it was for those words to pass her lips. Even kinder was that someone had actually heard her, even if it had been given to the presence of a complete stranger. Alyssa’s shoulders hunched in a sudden wave of worry; had that been okay to unload on this girl like that? All this girl wanted to do was draw and here she was rambling on about her mundane problems!

“I-I do apologize...it’s not very interesting…”

[Adaryn Breslin]

A mixture of colors emanated from the girl, sometime obscuring the view of her face. Each emotion clashed with one another, trying to shove the other away and dominate the blonde's body. She had never seen such a sight. There was yellow, green, a faded red... Each finding their way over inside the mind of the girl, only to be shoved out once more by the other emotions. The confusion was evident on her face, and was even more prominent in her tone.

Adaryn watched as the frustration sank into her head, and the response to Adaryn's question came out. She could've been better? That much was obvious. Her mind was being invaded by a myriad of emotions, and then she went on to speak about how her power was causing he so much trouble, she couldn't graduate, and the frustration seemed to grow, overpowering the other emotions entirely. Adaryn's fists clenched, her stomach turning at the overwhelming amount of emotions present in the girl. She began to feel nauseous, but she held it back.

And then it just stopped.

Throughout this entire time, Addie just listened, unable to say much because of the intense amount of emotion hitting her. But they just suddenly disappeared, and all that was left was worry. A dark blue, and even though it wasn't the most comforting, it was much easier to handle. Adaryn let out a small sigh of relief, and closed her eyes.

"N-No. Don't apologize... just..." She mumbled, her hands going to her temples. "You're just so..." Should she even say this? She didn't want to sound rude. What if the girl got upset? "Y-you are so scattered. I..." Another pause. "Nevermind."

She wasn't good with this kind of thing. And being sick didn't make it any better. But she seemed so nice, or at least, tried to be. "Um... Yeah." She said softly.

[Alyssa Ramius]

The blonde had been watchful by the end of the explanations. For a moment, there seemed to be a question if she really had somehow annoyed her companions; her hands went to her temples after all. But it wasn't quite the same either, not from a sense of a headache.

What had been more unexpected was what she had said. Scattered…the girl tilted her head in curiosity at her companion’s words. Was it that obvious? Then again, she never forgets the institute they both attended. The blonde even looked the type to break into tears easily, a fragile little thing with a torrent of erratic emotions. Instead, she bows her head, allowing a melancholy smile to grace her face. All emotion ceased momentarily, leaving nothing more than a knowing sadness present.

But no tears. Truths should never be met with tears.

“You’re…n-not wrong.”

Alyssa closes her eyes and withdraws inward. There was no other way to explain it and no way to describe what was happening. She had physically shut off her own senses, which in turn dialed down the intensity of her mind and emotions until nothing was left but calm, a calm that now mirrored the pond nearby.

“I try really hard not to be so…scattered, but it’s difficult. When you wish to seek the company of others… and yet a part of you wishes to remain hidden away. Be less of a disruption...the Hermit's Path.”

Melancholy but the calm never wavers into sadness. She had been focused on remaining in the darkness of her mind, for the darkness was a kind place. Though her eyes are closed, she’d face the girl’s direction as if her eyes were wide open.

“Hopefully this helps you out a little.” A small pause, recalling what had been an earlier observation. “Aura reader?”

[Adaryn Breslin]

Honestly, the sheer fact that her emotions just ceased to exist confused Adaryn. Even on her own, Adaryn was never able to just rid of emotions. There were many times she had tried, and many times she had failed. Because no matter what she did, there was always a remnant of the once prominent feeling. And it was enough to tug on with her mind. But as she dug through the girl's mind (which she knew she shouldn't have), Adaryn found no trace of any of the previous emotions. Just a very dull sense of serenity. And that is what she grabbed hold of.

Adaryn began pulling on the ribbon of emotion and attempted to increase it steadily. Not enough to hurt her, but enough for it to be recognizable. She wished for the girl to feel somewhat better, and not be so fearful. Adaryn didn't know what the blonde had done, but she felt detached. So detached that, when she spoke, it startled her.

"Aura reader? Uh... no. I'm an Empath..." She bit her lower lip. Would she be mad? She didn't feel any anger yet, so many the blonde had not realized. But Adaryn braced herself for something.

[Alyssa Ramius]

The cessations of the girl’s emotions here differed from her earlier attempt that had flared the frustration. Maybe it was because this time, it had been for someone else’s sake that she forced herself into the visionary world, to compact her scattered emotions until it was flat-lined into repose. There was nothing more heart-wrenching than being a hindrance to someone else, a feeling she had to lock away and bury.

There was an imperceptible tug, though there was no sense for alarm. The sensation was rising at an incline, climbing until reaching the top to a sentiment in blossom:
There is nothing to fear, not a thing to worry about here.

Nothing at all?

Ah, she knew this feeling, but it was notable. Alyssa had only felt this way with only two other people currently. Those two figures in her life had a thread of affinity linked to her, but this one…what a curious circumstance. The blonde sighs out the last of her worry, leaving the cheerfulness to flourish. The only sense that had returned was her hearing – her skin was still numb and her eyesight had not been restored, so eyes closed for the time being.

“I’m an Empath.”

The blonde’s eyes widened momentarily, but not for the reason that her companion would anticipate.

“Oh!” Alyssa noted with a smile. Nope, not even a trace of anger, perfectly cheerful! “That was my third guess behind telepathy. That must be a difficult ability to deal with.”

It explained a few things actually; the peace of the pond would definitely be more favorable than most places on campus and the sudden tugs of emotions to the point of the cessation of fear. Alyssa folded her hands in her lap.

“I appreciate the…” What to call it? And not in a way to have her feel any worry over it... “The nudge to not worry. It feels like it has been forever since I felt this calm.”

[Adaryn Breslin]

Adaryn could feel the weight that had once been so heavy, lift off her shoulders after those few words were spoken. Fear had been gnawing at her stomach as she lifted the panic off of the girl's shoulders and instead left her with nothing. 'Nothing' had such a negative connotation associated with it, when in reality, 'nothing' was quite a beautiful thing. It was a moment where you didn't have to be plagued by intense emotions, and you could finally relax. But because Adaryn sometimes forcibly took their emotions from the people she had manipulated, they got angry. But not this girl.

"It's nothing, really..." She said with a shaky laugh, her hand reaching to the back of her neck. Her fingers tugged the strands of hair found at her hairline, which caused a shiver to run down her back. But the sensation was relaxing, not painful as most would expect. A quick glance at the girl made her realize her eyes had been slightly glazed over, and she had wondered why. They didn't look that way a few minutes prior. Surely she wasn't blind. Addie had just seen her walk over with perfect accuracy.

"Oh.. I just realized I haven't introduced myself yet. I'm Adaryn..." A tilt of her head marked the beginning of a question. "And you are?"