Hello again (Adaryn)

[Travis Morgan]

There was a text on his phone from Adaryn. When he first saw it his heart pounded rapidly, and he felt suddenly too warm. Dread filled him as he looked at her name on the screen.

She wanted to talk. In the same place they'd met last. In the same place Travis had managed to both insult her and infect her with his thick cloud of depression.

This was one of the few things that could have gotten his head out of the drama that was his life at the moment. Well, it wasn't that much drama, compaired to what some high schoolers were up to.. but it was dramatic for him. Fucking Michael couldn't just let the relationhip die-- and he was the one who decided it was over! How was Travis supposed to get over him if he wouldn't stop reopening the wounds? Or, let them heal in the first place!

Regardless. This thing with Adaryn had come up again, and Travis was once again rethinking, with horror, the way he'd treated her that day. He still couldn't remember it clearly, but he remembered how it felt. He remembered it feeling good, and he wasn't sure he was ever going to forgive himself for that. Only bad people took joy in causing pain, right?

Right?

Travis came to the stairwell that Adaryn specified and slowed his pace. She was still reading as white noise to him, and that quality was starting to concern him a bit. "Hey," he said softly as he aproached, "are you alright?"

[Adaryn Breslin]

Adaryn, after getting out of Mr. Neville's office, felt incredibly guilty and, shockingly, relieved. All of the fears she had was spewed out all at once, so the weight on her shoulders had been lifted. But even still, that didn't excuse what had happened, nor did it make her feel any better physically. The first thing she had to start doing was apologize to the people that deserved an apology.

First person: Travis.

Adaryn limped over to the stairwell and pushed herself up the stairs until she sat on the spot where her downward spiral seemed to start. Travis had been incredibly depressed after a long day of dealing with emotions, and he spewed hurtful words. After that, though, is why she wanted to apologize. Travis was not a bad guy, and in fact, she missed his presence. He was soft spoken and kind, and she knew that if he were in his right mind, he would have never said those things. Adaryn should know better than anyone how powerful Empathy was and how easily it could manipulate a person. It happened to her numerous times.

She pulled out her phone and sent a text to Travis telling him to meet her there. She cradled her left arm gently against her chest and took shallow breaths to minimize the pain. When he arrived, she wanted to grin, but her lips simply twitched upward into a weak smile.

"Hey," She said gently. "I promise I'm not here to yell at you or reprimand you for last time we were here. I just wanted to say I'm sorry."

Addie could feel the confusion and unease like a ton of bricks, so she allowed her emotions to project for a moment. Regret, Relief, and even a slight touch of happiness radiated out. Adaryn hid the pain, however, so he wouldn't question her about it. She really didn't want to explain.

"I'm sorry for not talking to you for such a long time. I mean, it's been a month, right? I feel like an awful friend for doing that, but I'm glad you actually came. I have been pretty alone lately, and I mean, I kind of missed you. It sucks not being able to have someone there who understands exactly what it is like to be empathetic..." Adaryn trailed off. It was the most she has spoken in a normal tone for quite a bit. Her voice was slightly hoarse from her screaming and crying that was done earlier in the day, but she couldn't stop herself from speaking her mind now that she had started.

"I just... don't want to lose a really good friend to something so small in comparison to the rest of the crap I have dealt with. I know that your emotions were manipulated and I know that the things you said weren't what you meant. When people are upset, well, they want to bring others down with them. It's the nature of the emotion. I get that."

"I'm not mad, Travis, and I just wanted you to know that."

[Travis Morgan]

Travis stopped a few steps away from Adaryn. He didn't want to crowd her, and he couldn't reed her emotions so he was being extra cautious. And then she apologized.

Travis blinked. That wasn't exactly what he was expecting. Granted, he wasn't really expecting her to chew him out either (not that he would blame her), she was too nice a person to deliberately call him over for that. He wasn't actually sure what he was expecting. Maybe he thought she was in some kind of trouble. He kind of owed her one, even if that fact was never explicitly stated. But he wasn't expecting an apology. Not because he thought she wasn't the apologizing type, but.. well, he didn't think she needed to.

The only thing he'd wanted was for her to understand that he hadn't meant what he said. The only thing he wanted was for her to not feel bad about herself because of him. He didn't even want her to forgive him for it. He just wanted her to be happy.

Adaryn must have felt his unease and let her walls drop a little, because the feild of static around her eased away. Relief. Regret. Maybe a little happiness? Travis let himself smile. Just a little. It went away again as Adaryn went on.

He wasn't really sure what he was feeling. He was glad that she was feeling better, but there was this lump in his chest. The longer she talked the more he could feel it. Funny how he spent so much time with other people's emotions, but he didn't even understand his own. Everything Adaryn said was something he wanted to hear.

She missed him. He was a good friend. She understood that he didn't mean what he'd said-- and most importantly, she wasn't mad at him. That last part really hit him. The corners of his mouth quivered, and he pressed his lips together. Travis kept a lot of things bottled up so tight that he didn't even notice them. This whole time, he'd kept himself distracted with other things. There were isues with Michael. There was Haloween. He'd decided to make AJ a costume from scratch. Never a dull moment to dwell on how he felt.

Travis dropped his eyes to the floor. When he looked up again he was blinking back tears. "I was so sure you hated me," he said in a voice that was either on the edge of laughing or sobbing. He couldn't decide which he wanted to do.

[Adaryn Breslin]

There was a hint of a smile that she noticed on Travis as she let the walls fall. It was something that she never allowed. Her emotions were always static to other empaths, as she felt the safest when the mental block was up. Allowing her emotions to be known, well, it was a sign that she trusted him. It wasn't like he could physically manipulate emotions like she could, but others knowing how she felt was terrifying. Her mind was not a welcoming place, especially now, and she liked to keep that fact hidden.

There was a swirl of emotion: Pain, and quite a bit of happiness swirled around him. It was mesmerizing to see the yellow practically suffocate the dark grey with it's intensity. Two opposites trying to consume one another. Travis' lip quivered as if he were going to cry, and for once, Adaryn couldn't tell which emotion was causing it.

I was so sure you hated me...

The words hit her painfully in the chest. No, she didn't hate him. That was far from the case. If anything, she didn't think she could hate anyone other than herself. Her self-loathing phase was consuming her lately, and that was the reason why she was apologizing. If she had died by the hand of that boy, then Travis would have been left behind thinking it was maybe his fault, or that she hated his guts. Adaryn, now realizing this, wanted to just hug him and say how that wasn't true. And she did. Adaryn who cringed every time someone touched her...

"Travis, I couldn't hate you. You're too good of a friend for me to hate." Where did this confidence come from? Where did this ability to hug and not cringe come from? She supposed she was just too exhausted to care about what happened at this point. Deep down, she knew that no matter what she did, Travis would be there. The realization was shocking since she had never had a friend like that. A few moments after the hug began, she pulled away. Adaryn may not have cared, but touch still made her uncomfortable if held too long. The bruised ribs also didn't help the situation.

"I don't know if you noticed, but I am very tolerant of others. I get mad for a day or two and then I'm over it... I just got scared that you didn't want to see me after that happened, so I stayed away..."

[Travis Morgan]

A tear slipped down his cheek when Adaryn hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her gently, not squeezing any harder than she was. He got the feeling she didn’t enjoy being touched, and he didn’t want to push it. He was just happy they were okay.

Adaryn pulled back, and Travis wiped the tears from his cheek with his hand. A smile stretched across his lips, and he gave a breathy laugh. He had noticed that she was very tolerant, and he was extremely thankful for that. It struck him again that he and Adaryn were a lot alike. He’d said it harshly last time, because he was drowning in his own insecurity, but the fact remained; they shared a lot in common.

She had assumed that Travis didn’t want to see her, and he assumed that Adaryn didn’t want to see him. Travis couldn’t possibly count the number of possible friendships he’d thrown away because he just assumed that people didn’t want him around. Even after they said they liked him. Even after they invited him to call, or text, or come to their room whenever he felt like it. There was always that nagging sense that they were just being nice. That they didn’t truly want him around. After all, he was so awkward all the time.

Maybe that wasn’t fair. He couldn’t feel Adaryn’s emotions. Maybe it was just him. At any rate, that train of thought got a little too complicated to say out loud, even if he thought it was a good thing to say. Which he didn’t. Best to let sleeping dogs lie.

"Well anyway.. I'm glad you're okay. I was worried about you but.. y'know..." Travis rolled his eyes. "Crushing insecurity, blah blah..." He'd wanted to text her, or call her, or something, but he really thought she didn't want to see him. If she'd still been upset with him, there was little he could have done anyway.

"You are okay, right?" Travis ducked his head, and leaned back a little, and bent his knees to look at her without looking down at her. Now that he was really seeing her, she seemed... A little banged up. He couldn't see visible injuries, but her posture seemed a bit careful. Maybe? He didn't spend a whole lot of time studying her posture.

[Adaryn Breslin]

"Insecurities," She smiled a little, "I get it." Usually her life was dictated by insecurities. A good looking guy tries to talk to her? Who is paying him? He's probably just trying to embarrass her. She gets a compliment? Oh, they don't know what they are talking about. It was a string of put downs and missed opportunities for Adaryn in life, but she wasn't always that way. She used to be happy and go lucky, like any normal child. And then her empathy hit, at that was it. Her life spiraled downward. There were a few highs, like meeting Travis, but not many in the few years that she had manifested.

Travis brought himself down to her level, and his eyes, as well as his aura, were filled with concern. She knew what was coming next. This wasn't playful. This was straight forward business. Addie didn't think he could feel her pain, since she was burying it deep behind her mental block, but he noticed the way she stood: carefully and cautiously, as if she didn't want to hurt something. Her typical stance was defensive, but this... this was much more.

"Uh, yeah..." She stuttered, her voice cracking due to the hoarseness in her throat. "I'm just a little sore..." Little and sore were understatements. Her side was burning and her leg hurt pretty damn bad. But she hadn't realized, while trying to form those words, she let her block slip and all of her emotions showed, pain included. She shoved them back and mumbled.

"Sorry about that..."

[Travis Morgan]

So, no. Adaryn was not okay. He wasn't upset that she was hiding that from him, though. Travis wasn't so keen on sharing his own problems either and, well, they were both feeling a bit shy at the moment. But Adaryn's walls slipped for just a second, and Travis flinched noticeably. Dammit! You have the worst poker face! He kicked himself mentally. That was probably why she kept her walls up all the time!

"No, it's okay," he said when Adaryn apologized. "What happened?"

Travis couldn't actually physically feel her pain, but he could feel every emotion surrounding it. It was remarkably similar to how AJ felt after she was assaulted-- which was part of why he was so worried. Because something had almost happened to her, and it was horrible. Something definitely had happened to Adaryn, and not knowing exactly what was making Travis nervous.

He sat down on the steps and looked at her earnestly. He intended to stay and talk as long as she needed him too, and he would listen, really listen to her. Oh sure, he had his own shit to deal with, but at this point he was somewhat inclined to just ignore it and see if it would go away on it's own. He didn't know what to do with breakup-feelings. His own internal conflict was too complicated, he'd rather help a friend sort through theirs.

[Adaryn Breslin]

Adaryn was not one to burden other's with her issues, no matter how severe they really were. If she couldn't handle her own chest constricting pain, what made her think that other's would? The only reason why she told Dr. Neville was that if she didn't speak he was going to dig into her mind and find the answers himself, if he had to. Her condition was very concerning. She was suicidal, and she did something drastic. This not only involved her anymore, it involved an innocent boy who she manipulated. Sure, Travis would stay, but she didn't want him to know how back of a person she really was.

She faked a smile, much like she always did in situations like these; when she was uncomfortable, what else could she do? "I'm fine, like I said. Just sore. I went out to the field today for a run and it kicked my butt." Adaryn wasn't lying, but she was simply bending the truth a bit. Even still, she couldn't look him in the eye. Instead of sitting beside him, like she wanted to, Addie sat herself a few steps up and played with her hands and rubbed her fabric-covered arms gently.

"So how is it with you and that girl?" Adaryn asked quietly, hoping to change the subject. And she was genuinely curious about her, since he had said the girl is what caused him to be manipulated by the depression. And that much... well the girl must have been in agony. "And also, how is she?"

[Travis Morgan]

Travis' eyes went straight to the floor when Adaryn said she was fine. It was a load of bull, and he almost couldn't believe she was trying that when he'd clearly just felt all of her emotions. But he let her finish, having not quite worked up the nerve to argue with her.

She asked about AJ then, and Travis made a face. His mouth pulled to one side, his eyes narrowed slightly, and one of his eyebrows rose a bit. "She's okay," he said flatly, "we went to that Haloween thing together." Travis took a deep breath and looked up at Adaryn. She'd decided to sit a few steps above him. It was probably a subconscious act, but taking a higher perch was something Travis did himself sometimes when he was feeling insecure. It helped him feel a little more in control, and like he was aloud talk without being interupted-- which made him much more likely to assert himself when he was, inevitably, interrupted.

In their current positions, Adaryn was the dominant one. Not that Travis generally minded that. He didn't really like being in the hit seat, and was more comfortable with someone else leading the interaction.. but he actually had something to say, and he was considering keeping it to himself now.

But you have to say something. This isn't really like being friends. Sure, you're nice to each other. Sure, she came to your rescue. But there is no connection because she won't let there be one! What are we gonna do from now on? Exchange pleasantries in passing? Talk about the weather? What's the point of talking to people at all, if that's all you do? You can't just keep everything to yourself! That's why people live in families, we're supposed to help each other--

Travis stood up suddenly, making himself at least a couple inches taller than where Adaryn was sitting. "I think we both know you're not fine," he said, and there was a little less determination in his voice than he wanted there to be. He let a beat pass before he opened his mouth again. "I mean... Maybe we're not that close yet. It's fine. You don't owe me, or anyone else, anything, and if you don't ever want to be close enough to me that you can tell me what's going on... that's fine. I don't mind. I really don't." If Adaryn was paying attention, she'd notice that he meant that. He was totally comfortable being at whatever level Adarin wanted to be at. It didn't hurt him to be kept at arms length. A lot of his relationships were at arms length, and it was usually his fault. So he truely wasn't offended by Adaryn's distance. "But you can't just tell me your fine when you know that I know you're not. You can say you don't want to talk about it. You can say it's complicated. You can just say everything is going to shit, and nothing else if you want-- but you can't lie to me."

Travis stopped to take a breath, then, "Adaryn, are you alright?"

[Adaryn Breslin]

It was obvious from the way his concern turned quickly to annoyance that Travis was upset at her. She was just a ball of sunshine today, wasn't she? Obviously not, and sometimes she wished she could be. The fact that she was so reserved made life so much harder. But she didn't want anybody to be hurt by what she does! Even still, no matter how hard she tried, Addie still seemed to make everyone miserable. Dr. Neville asked her why she wanted to die. Well, Adaryn thought, this is why.

Adaryn hid her face and played with the hem of her shirt. His tone was flat, and she couldn't help but physically cringe at that fact. What was wrong with her? She couldn't, for the life of her, keep a conversation light and simple. For a moment she regretted even coming to this place and asking Travis to join her. She would have saved him the trouble. But even Adaryn knew, deep down, that that wasn't true. She was glad to let him know she wasn't mad at him. In fact, even if it was brief, his happiness made her happy. That is, until she screwed everything up.

He stood up, towering over her. Really, though, that wasn't hard to do; she was a relatively short girl, at only 5'3", plus she was sitting down. His voice wasn't powerful, really, but the emotions behind the words were strong. There was frustration, desire, hope, uselessness... Nothing Travis was saying was just for shits and giggles. He truly wanted to know... so why was it so hard to tell him?

"I--" Adaryn tried to interject, but he continued, and she quickly shut her mouth. It was his turn to speak, that much was clear.

When he finished with his rant/plea, he asked the question again. No, she wasn't alright. She wanted to cry. She wanted to apologize again and again. Despite her desires, however, no tears came.

"No," She whispered quietly, her voice shaking. "I'm not okay, Travis..." Adaryn's walls fell. Her anxiety, fear, and pain was in the air now. Emotionally and physically, everything was wrong.

"I...I manipulated someone today... so they would kill me, Travis. A trainer stepped in before he could actually do it. I," Addie's voice cracked at that point. Maybe she would cry. "Then I was sent to Dr. Neville's office and I had to spill everything. That's why I wanted... to apologize. I'm sorry..."

Her ribs hurt from the impact of the boy running into her, and then falling. Her leg hurts from when she stumbled and fell to the ground when he shoved her. Addie knew sometime soon there would be bruising. "I just... I don't know why I did it. There is a lot you don't know about me Travis. My family. My past. I've done... bad things. I'm not a good person like you expect me to be."

And with that, she was done. Her head was in her knees, even though that position made it hard for her to breath.

[Travis Morgan]

The walls fell again, and this time Travis didn’t flinch. He wasn’t expecting it the last time, but now he was prepared. He held his breath for a second, then climbed the few steps that separated them and sat down next to Adaryn. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked quietly at one of Adaryn’s feet.

A stab of panic hit him when she said she’d tried to make someone kill her, and he lifted his eyes to her face briefly. That was pretty serious, and he’d never known anyone who was suicidal before. He wanted to hug her, but.. she didn’t really like contact, and he wasn’t sure it would be good for him either. Getting too close to AJ while she was depressed had been an abysmally bad idea. He didn’t know what else to do but listen, and empathize. He was good at that, at least.

When she was finished talking, Travis let there be a moment of silence before he dared to speak. It was one of those moments where he wasn’t really sure what he was going to say until it was coming out of his mouth. Sometimes that worked out for him. Sometimes it was a lot of nonsense. That’s why he tried not to talk so much.

“I don’t… care about what you’ve done,” he said, immediately worrying if that sounded bad. “I mean… I don’t think who you were matters as much as who you are now. People change, Adaryn. What would be the point of all this if they didn’t? And.. if it matters I still think you’re a good person. And I still like you. And.. I don’t know what you’ve been through, or why you’re so unhappy, but… I have it on good authority that I’m a great listener.” He said that last bit intending to be a little comical, but it came out in the same tone as everything else.

[Adaryn Breslin]

A single question plagued her mind, and even though she was not a telepath, she was sure Travis was trying to think of it. She could be wrong, of course, in thinking that it touched his mind. As clueless as Travis was to her suicidal tendencies, she was pretty oblivious to him, too. She didn't know much about him, and she wanted to change that... That's why she let this out. That's why she told him. That's why he was trying to reassure that she was not a bad person, but the damn question in her mind kept her from feeling reassured.

"If I changed, then why the hell did I do what I did?"

Her voice was weak, lifeless, but she forced her walls back up. With the close proximity of Travis, well, she didn't want to manipulate him accidentally. She had seen what happened when intense depression touched him, and Adaryn didn't want to unintentionally rub off on him. If she wanted for him to hurt, obviously she could have made that happen. But she didn't.

"I'm so tired, Travis. I barely have anyone. There was you, but I thought I ruined that. I haven't had someone to trust in so long. I've been cursed at for what I am... And I figured that if people didn't want me here, then why should I be?"

Her mental block was up, and she shoved down her emotions as best she could so she could rid of them, but they refused to leave. They were still safely tucked behind the shield within her mind, unable to fully resurface.

"Travis, I just want to be happy. I mean, I'm an empathetic manipulator and it isn't hard at all to make other's happy. But for me? It's freaking impossible. I want to see the good in life, but there isn't any good to see..."

"I--" She cut short there, closed her eyes, and resisted the urge to cry.

[Travis Morgan]

"...I assume we're still talking about what happened today?" Travis said, raising an eyebrow. Why would I do what I did, could be referring to any point in time. She could be vaguely referencing something in her pastt hat he didn't know about. Upset people did that sometimes, but.. maybe it was safe to assume that she was still talking about the attempt she made on her own life today.

Travis chewed the inside of his mouth while Adaryn spoke. He understood how she felt, even if he couldn't feel he emotions. Sure, his life wasn't bad, but he spent every day surrounded by stressed out hormonal teenagers. Some days he just wanted to hide in the bathroom and cry. Too many days lately. He did have his own feelings to manage, and it was getting harder and harder to do that.

"All I know, Adaryn, is that... being depressed makes you do crazy shit. It hurts, Adaryn. It hurts like nothing you could ever hope to describe, and I don't think trying end that pain makes you a bad person. I know.. even if you won't let me feel it, I know what it's like to think nobody wants you around. I know what it's like to feel hallow inside." He wasn't sure if this was helping or not. Travis felt lost without the empathy to guide him. He hadn't really realized how much he relied on it, and now he felt the urge to just keep rambling until she felt better-- which was ridiculous, and probably irritating, but he couldn't tell. Adaryn was walled off.

"I.. I don't know how to make it better, Adaryn. If I could figure out how to just be happy I'd do it in a second, but," Travis sighed, "I'm here for you. Okay?"

[Adaryn Breslin]

"I don't ever know what to do about myself, Travis. I sit there and think that everything I do is justified, but I just make things worse." And it was true, or at least Adaryn believed it to be true. The thing was that Addie was so keen on the idea that if she were gone, the world would be a better place. She was this speck of dirt on a spotless canvas, really. It was so perfect, but that one speck of dirt ruined everything. Maybe if they found away to remove the speck of dirt, the people, and the canvas would be happy. But no. She was there, and apparently she was there to stay.

"I just don't want to hurt anymore, and I don't want to be afraid of hurting others, either. There is really only one thing that makes us different, Travis, and that is the fact that I can manipulate emotions. I can break you if I wanted to." There was no malice in her tone, just pain. Did she want to break him? No, absolutely not. She probably couldn't even if she tried to. He was one the first people she had met this year, and even after their absence from one another, he was still willing to be there for her. Adaryn looked up at him for a moment, her eyes glistening with forming tears, but she refused to let them fall.

Instead, she found herself leaning against him for support, in the back of her mind hoping for him to just wrap his arms around her. She may have been adverse to touch, but she knew when she really needed someone. She realized when she needed a shoulder to support her. Everything couldn't be accomplished by herself, that much was made clear to her over the past few years. Addie bit her lip, unsure of how to ask this.

"Travis... Can I please... get a hug?"

[Travis Morgan]

Travis didn't know what to say. There were only so many ways to tell someone they weren't terrible, and at this point he wasn't sure if anything he said was helping. He knew from experience that being cheered up got irritating after a while. Sometimes, he just believed what he believed, and nobody could convince him that he wasn't just a pointless waist of space. In his case, it was a mood that came and went, but Adaryn was suicidal and Travis wasn't sure what she needed. Except, he was pretty sure that constantly contradicting everyhing she said would eventually get on her nerves and make her feel like he was just disregarding her pain.

Of course, she wasn't letting him feel her pain, so he couldn't say for sure if any of that was true.

Then she asked for a hug, and Travis' heart lept. That was good. Wanting hugs was a good sign! He scooched closer to her and wrapped his arms around her. "Yes," he said, "you can always have a hug." He didn't squeeze her tight the way he hugged AJ. Adaryn didn't voluntarily touch him very often, and he got the impression that touch was uncomfortable for her.

He tried to cultivate a feeling of warmth for her while he had her in his arms. A sense of family, and support, and love. He wasn't always the best with words, but he wanted her to know that he was really here for her. He wasn't just being nice. He really cared for her. He really would miss her if she were gone.